Chapter 17
"William, is everything okay?"
Looking over his shoulder, he saw Georgiana had entered his study. He had not realized he had been so distracted, yet he saw great concern on her face. She must have entered some time ago and tried to obtain his attention.
Turning from the window, Darcy motioned for her to join him on the sofa near the fire. Sitting down beside her, he took her small hands in his own large ones caressing her knuckles with his thumbs.
"William?"
"Forgive me dearest for my somber moods these past months. I find myself quite occupied with estate matters."
Raising her brows in disbelief, Georgiana carefully studied her brother. She knew he had spent much less time out on the estate than he normally did, and when in company spoke less than was his wont. Ever since he had returned from Hertfordshire, he had changed.
"I do not believe you, brother. You spend the majority of your days either holed up in your study staring out that window or disappearing for hours on walks in the woods. Will you not tell me what it is that has you so burdened?"
Bowing his head to hide the pain, Darcy stared down at their joined hands. "I cannot."
Yanking her hands from his and ignoring his shocked face, Georgiana stood from the sofa and faced her brother placing her hands on her hips. "Well then what do you expect me to do William? You are not the only one who has been suffering. How am I to act when you cannot stand to be in the same room as me? I know I have disappointed you brother, yet I cannot move forward when you refuse to let me forget the pain I have caused you."
"Is that truly what you believe Georgiana?" Darcy asked as he stared at his sister in horror.
"You have given me no reason to suppose otherwise," she stated as tears filled her eyes.
"Oh! my dearest." Georgiana stood shocked as Darcy covered his face with his hands and placing his elbows on his knees began to sob. All the anger she had felt towards him in the weeks he had been ignoring her dissipated as she watched her brother express his grief. Carefully she sat down again beside him and gently draped her arm across his shoulders.
"William, will you please tell me? It pains me to see you so but I cannot help what I do not know."
After his tears had abated, he sat up again and turned to face the concerned face of his sister. Reaching up, he gently brushed the back of his fingers against her cheek. As she offered him a hesitant smile, he felt his own mouth turn up slightly at the corner. For the first time ever, he felt a true love for someone besides Iliana. While he had often been blessed with loving families during his lives, he had never felt for another being as he did for Georgiana.
Over the past five years, she had been his support and comfort whenever he began to despair of ever finding Iliana. Now that he had found Miss Elizabeth and had been forced to leave her to protect her, he found himself unable to turn to the only other person who could offer him love and comfort. Instead, he had caused her an undeniable amount of pain as she blamed herself for their present predicament.
"Oh dearest, please do not distress yourself," he said in a hoarse voice. Taking a deep breath he leaned back against the sofa and ran his fingers through his hair. "Georgiana, I know not what to say."
The utter despair in his voice caused her heart to break for him. "You could tell me what I may do to restore your trust in me. I do not like being the cause of your discontent."
Breaking out in a manic laugh, Darcy let his gaze wander over to the desk where the flower that was given to his sister lay. As his eyes caressed the flower lovingly, he addressed his sister. "You are in no wise to be blamed my dear. I never lost my trust in you; it is others I cannot trust."
Georgiana had not failed to see the direction of his gaze and her anger towards him and his callous attitude returned in full force. "Humph. Well the way I see it brother, you have allowed your anger towards others to cloud your judgment, and I believe I know why." Standing up she strode towards the desk and grasped the flower. From the corner of her eye, she saw her brother start and watch her carefully. Ignoring the feelings the flower evoked in her, she walked towards the fireplace.
"Georgiana! No!" Arrested by the harsh tones of his voice, she turned wide eyes upon her brother who stood towering over her with a dark look. Never had he spoken to her in such a manner and she found herself terrified of her brother for the first time. With a shaking hand, she placed the flower upon his outstretched palm and watched as he reverently placed it back upon his desk. "Leave me," was the quiet demand as he refused to face her.
"No," came her trembling reply.
"No?" He asked in a dangerous voice. Turning towards her, a grimace upon his face, he took a step closer to her. Frightened, she took a step back in an attempt to keep the distance between them.
"No, Fitzwilliam. I will not leave." It was the first time she had used his full name and she saw the immediate effect it had on him as he stopped his advance in shock. Their mother had been delighted to give up her maiden name when she married their father. Upon hearing George Darcy's insistence that they honor her family by gifting their son with the name, she had rebelled and refused to call him anything but William. It had always been a sore subject between the two as he insisted that shortening a person's name was nothing less than improper of a person befitting his station. After Anne Darcy's death, their father had capitulated and began to call him William as well in remembrance of his beloved wife. As such, the only ones to call him Fitzwilliam were the servants and their Aunt Catherine.
"Why?" He asked and she heard the pain behind the anger. It was his pain that gave her the courage to continue.
"Because you are not well brother and need my help. That flower is dangerous and you know it; that is why you removed it from my own person. You promised when I left it in your possession back in London that you would be careful with it. Yet you brought it here to Pemberley with you and there it sits, day after day, needing neither water nor sun and never wilting. And look what it has done to you; you barely eat nor sleep, you never spend time with others, and you have begun to neglect both your business and me." By the end of her tirade, Georgiana was surprised to discover that she was yelling at her brother. Suddenly feeling faint, she collapsed on the sofa and attempted to regulate her breathing.
Darcy stood there watching his sister fight against her own emotions. Although angry with her for her attempt to destroy their flower, he admired her for refusing to give into his irrational demands.
"Georgiana, you are right, and I should confide in you; but you could not understand."
"You still think me a child then."
"No dearest, I do not; especially after your display today. A child would have thrown a tantrum; you stood your ground and spoke with determination out of love. While others may misconstrue your intentions, I see them for what they are and can only apologize for my own behavior towards you. You should never have needed to reprimand your elder brother so."
Looking down guiltily at her hands, she said, "It was not my place to do so, William. I should not have said what I did. You did not deserve it."
"But I did." Suddenly she found him kneeling in front of her using his forefinger to gently raise her chin. "I am glad that you said what you did." Giving her a sad smile, he kissed her forehead before standing to walk towards the window once more.
Georgiana, thinking that he was once again attempting to dismiss her went to stand up when she heard him speak in a barely audible voice. "I am lost, dearest. I have always had a purpose in life and a way to succeed until now."
Confused she shook her head. "I do not understand William. How is it that you feel as though you no longer have a purpose? Look around you brother. You have an entire estate to run as well as many business ventures. And me; do I no longer matter to you?"
Hearing the hurt in her voice, his shoulders slumped in dejection. "Of course you matter dearest. I would not be here if you did not."
"But you do not want to be here with me, do you?"
"Would you believe me if I honestly told you that how I feel has absolutely nothing to do with you?" Hearing her answer in the expected negative, he raised an arm to lean against the window frame. "Georgiana, why do you believe that flower to be dangerous?"
Surprised by the question, she informed him that she needed a moment to collect her thoughts. Finally she said, "Whenever I touch it, I feel...I feel as though I am torn between reliving my happiest moments in life as well as my darkest. I cannot focus on one or the other until they become merged into one thought, one event. I feel as though I am going mad."
Nodding his head Darcy finally turned from the window and walked over towards the desk to touch the flower. "I experience the same, but my happiest moments are also my darkest. You are lucky that yours are separate events; I cannot say the same. Every happy moment is tied to one of misery, pain and sadness."
"How is that possible, William?"
"How do you feel when you think of our father?" He asked meeting her eyes.
"I feel sad."
"Yes. But we had so many wonderful times with him; surely there must be memories that evoke happiness."
"Of course there are many such memories, but those are the saddest as I can never again share moments like those with him." Seeing Darcy watching her expectantly, comprehension suddenly dawned on her. A soft oh was all she could muster in light of her understanding. Carefully studying her brother, she saw a look of longing cross his face as he lifted the flower to his face and inhaled deeply.
"Why do you insist on keeping the flower if it brings you nothing but pain?"
"Because it also brings me hope," he answered without pause. "As long as this flower continues to keep its bloom, I have cause to never doubt that those dark moments may one day become nothing more than a distant memory."
"William, what could have caused you such pain? If it is the loss of our parents, perhaps I can help. Mrs. Annesley has allowed me to see that by keeping our pain to ourselves we only bring more pain. Only in sharing with one who cares about us can we be relieved of our burdens."
"Mrs. Annesley is very wise dearest, and I am pleased to know you have been listening to her. But I am afraid I cannot accept your assistance. It would be impossible for you to understand."
Offering a smile, she held out her hand towards him and said, "whether or not I understand is of no importance. What matters is that you not suffer alone."
Still holding the flower in one hand, he stepped forward to take her outstretched one. "When did you become such a wise young woman, dearest one?" Seeing her blush at his compliment, he offered a smile as he once again took the seat next to her. "Do you remember the story you were told when given the flower?"
"Of course I do, brother. It was the sweetest love story I have ever heard, not one anybody would be likely to forget."
"Indeed not. Well, I had heard the story before. Would you be willing to hear my version?"
"If you believe it necessary," she offered.
"I do." Taking a deep breath, he released her hand and cupping the flower in both hands began his tale.
"Many centuries ago there was a fairy prince. Tall, handsome in his fair looks, and heir to the most powerful magical being in the world, he was pursued by many who wished to gain his favor. When young, he had finally given his favor to a young woman who then betrayed him alongside his closest friend. From that moment on, he was unable to trust anyone and soon became prideful of his position in life.
"One day, many years later, he met an elfish woman. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever met, yet she was not awed by his status. Angry that she would not offer him the respect he felt he deserved, he mocked and insulted her. As a result, she punished him and proved that she could outwit him. When they parted ways, he was determined to hate her forever.
"Shortly after this first meeting, they met again and were forced to help each other as they found themselves stranded in a storm. While they waited the storm out, they began to learn more about each other and parted under better terms.
"For months afterwards, they continued to meet in secret as a steady friendship developed between them. Although most of their meetings were pleasant, he still allowed his pride to occasionally get the better of him. But overall, he slowly felt himself losing his heart to her.
"After more than two years had passed, it was discovered that there were those who were secretly plotting against the fairies, wanting to steal the king's power for themselves. They stirred up trouble amongst all the many races and soon war was threatened in the magical realms. In an effort to keep the peace, the fairy king invited the rulers of the many races to their most sacred event during which time many peace treaties were drawn up.
"It was during this time that the prince discovered his elfish friend was in fact royalty herself. So angry that she had kept this knowledge from him, he realized for the first time that he had fallen hopelessly in love with her. Over the course of the celebrations and peace talks, they spent much of their time together and eventually declared their love for each other.
"This flower that you see here was indeed one of the flowers that grew around them that glorious day. Their love had created a magic that was so powerful and unique that these flowers would forever bloom as long as they loved each other."
As Darcy paused in his telling, Georgiana looked up into his eyes incredulous that he would believe such a tale. She was then quite surprised to discover that his tear filled eyes had turned to a dark blue with silver specks that gave the appearance of a starry night sky. As he wiped away a tear, she watched amazed as the specks disappeared and his eyes turned an icy blue instead.
Not having noticed his sister's observations, Darcy continued. "Against her better judgment, the prince convinced her to keep their love a secret much as they had done thus far with their friendship. He was worried that if those who wished to start a war found out about the two of them, they could use her as a weapon against the fairies. Ironically, it was because they kept their love a secret that their enemies were able to do that which he most feared. When the prince discovered that they knew about his love for the woman, it was too late. In an attempt to use her against him, war broke out and they both lost their lives."
"So, he did not take his own life?" Georgiana asked.
"Some say he did, others say he was killed defending her body."
"What do you think brother?"
Not wishing to dwell on the painful events of that day, he disregarded her question and continued. "Legend has it that the war continues today unbeknownst to us mortals, and that the young couple is now a pair of lost souls searching for each other, and that when they are finally joined together, the war will end. That the old man believes the flowers are dying can only signify that those who are protecting the couple's lost souls are losing the war and that their chance of finding each other is greatly diminishing. Whether this was told in warning or as a threat I cannot say without knowing the identity of the man."
"Do you...do you believe the story to be true?" Georgiana asked suddenly fearful for her brother's sanity after hearing him mumble the last sentence.
"It matters not whether I believe it to be true. Before us we have the flower described in the legend. Have you ever seen a flower with which to even compare this one to? It is nothing like anything else I ever have or will ever see. And the feelings we both feel; what kind of flower could influence us in such a matter without magic?"
"I agree, William, but surely you cannot believe in magic."
"Who is to say that there is no such thing as magic? You have heard the tales of King Arthur. His greatest ally and adviser was a renowned sorcerer and together they fought against druids, sorceresses and many other magical creatures. What truly matters in this story is the love that this couple shared. Ever since I have known of the story, I have wanted to find such a love for myself. Think of all the similarities between myself and the prince. He was pursued by many because of his power and I am pursued by many because of my wealth and status. I do not wish to be sought after because of what I am, rather, I wish to be loved for who I am."
"William, I know of no other who is more deserving of such a love. I am sure you will find your own elfish princess one day," Georgiana said as she gently laid a hand on his arm.
"I already have," he replied.
Ignoring the pain and longing in his voice, Georgiana felt a surge of excitement. Having never known her mother, she had always longed for a sister instead. To hear her brother mention a woman for the first time in her remembrance was to her cause for celebration.
Seeing his sister's excitement, however, only increased his own despair. "She does not care for me, dearest. You might say she quite despises me."
"How could anyone despise you? You are the kindest soul I know, loved by all your servants, tenants and neighbors."
"Unfortunately I also have many flaws, dear sister, to which you have blinded yourself. She had no such scruples." Seeing his sister's confused face, Darcy heaved a large sigh. "I confess that upon first meeting her in Hertfordshire, I did not give her proper consideration and insulted her. Despite my attempts to rectify my mistake, she continues to think ill of me."
"But how could she rebuff your attempts at atonement?"
"I was very cruel, my dear, and I fear she has had outside influence in regards to her opinion of me. But I wish nothing more than to gain her favor."
"Then why do you remain here, brother? Go to her, woo her and prove that you are a man worth knowing and loving. I am much improved, and now that I no longer believe my past actions to be the cause of your distress, have no need of you here at Pemberley."
Smiling at his sister, he saw such hope in her eyes and allowed that hope to bolster his own. "I have tried to leave dearest, hence my despair. Every time I have attempted to return to Hertfordshire, I am detained. First the carriage wheel broke, the horses went lame, the Miller's home burned down, and then a band of highwaymen entered the area. As much as I wish to win her heart, I cannot leave my duties unattended. Also, winter has lingered much longer this year than is normal, and as such it would not be advisable to travel far. I am afraid you will just have to deal with your dreary brother until my Easter trip to Kent later this month."
"Very well; I suppose I will just have to do what I can in the meantime to improve your spirits." Pausing, she considered her brother carefully, and then hesitantly asked if he would make her a solemn promise. Agreeing, he waited as she bit her lip in uncertainty. "Will you promise to seek her out after Easter brother? And until then, I do not wish for you to dwell on thoughts that might further depress you."
Forcing a smile upon his face, he nodded. "Indeed I will. You were correct, Georgiana; all I had to do was share my burden with another to improve my spirits." Seeing her relief and gratitude he chuckled and looked down towards his hands. With a heartfelt pain he decided that to further ease her concern he needed to part with their flower. "Now what do you say we ask Mrs. Reynolds to take this flower and place it in a vase somewhere. I would hate to dispose of something so beautiful and unique no matter what pain it has caused us."
Face lighting with enthusiasm, Georgiana agreed saying it was a wonderful idea. "Would the table beneath mother and father's portraits in the gallery suit, William?" She asked. "After all, according to legend this is a flower that represents great love, and from what you have told me of our parents, theirs was indeed a great love."
Smiling, Darcy agreed that it was indeed a perfect home for the flower even though the thought of not having it with him at all times tore at his heart. Hiding his great reluctance, he handed the 'Iliana's Kiss' to his sister and watched as she left the room in search of Mrs. Reynolds.
He was at least comforted by the thought that although he could not keep watch on the flower personally, it would remain under the constant gaze of his own portrait which hung directly across the gallery from those of his parents.
