Author's Note: Thank you, Chrissie 43, for taking the time to read and leave your thoughts on chapters seventy-three and seventy-five. I truly appreciate that and glad you're enjoying this story.


Chapter Eighty-Three

Time suddenly stopped and slowed the second those words registered in Nicky's mind. She quickly grabbed the plate back and set it aside. Her mind still trying to process what the hell she just heard Lorna say. Nicky turned her body in Lorna's direction and firmly placed a hand on either side of her face. She used her grasp on the other's cheeks to cautiously twist it so that she could look her fiercely in the eyes. One hand released itself while the other moved down to Lorna's chin and cradled securely underneath it. The other free hand she brought up to her forehead, pushing uneasily at the red hair spilling onto it.

Air snuffled through Nicky's nose as her eyes remained on Lorna's. Fingers stroked the flesh of the chin her hand cradled beneath. It still hadn't processed entirely through her mind what exactly Lorna meant when she said what she said about being suffocated and eating. A soccer punch to the gut was what hearing that felt like to her. Was Lorna suddenly suicidal now on top of having a shitty relationship with food? Or maybe she had been suicidal the entire time and starved herself as a way to slowly kill herself.

Regardless of the reason, Nicky only managed to tighten her grip on the younger girl. Clearly, a lot more needed to be done to fully help Lorna out of this seemingly never-ending hurtle. "What are you saying, Lorna? Are ya sayin' ya wanna die?" The words came tightly through her voice, teeth gritting down to keep her emotions from sliding out as well. The more her eyes lingered on Lorna's the easier they absorbed the agony oozing from them. The more she came to terms with how far down the hole Lorna had already gotten herself.

Lorna swallowed several times. Each time her throat felt rawer and rawer. Dryer and dryer. It was as if she had cried herself into a drought. There was no water left for the rest of her body because it had all fallen out from her eyes. They peered back at the worried ones hovering over them and all she could get herself to do in the moment was take a breath in through her nose. She wasn't entirely sure if she had answers to Nicky's questions. At least not answers that would bring any comfort to her. The last thing she wanted was to continue escalating Nicky's distress.

The air around them wasn't any better at making her throat and mouth feel less dry. Each time she swallowed the raw sensation remained. And getting up right now to fetch a glass of water wasn't an option. Nicky's grip on her kept tightening every time she even blinked an eye. Two deep breaths were inhaled before she felt stable enough to speak out once again. "No, I—I don't wanna die. I'm, I'm sorry I said that—I just, I feel so angry and upset and out of control that I, uh, I didn't even know what I was saying. I-I'm sorry, hon."

Some of the words rang true; she was sorry for being so short with Nicky, for allowing her emotions to get the best of her. However, she wasn't completely certain if she meant that she didn't want to die. Part of her feared the thought of dying while another part of her felt death might be the only way she could ever truly give peace to the people she loved. She was a fucking mess and she didn't think she'd ever be whole again. Nicky had a long life ahead of her—a life Lorna didn't believe Nicky should spend on helping her through this dark, twisty, path she had created for herself.

After a few minutes of being engulfed with her thoughts, and before Nicky had a chance to respond, Lorna chewed down on the side of her mouth as she looked intently up at the older teen. "I'll, uh, I'll eat one a the halves. But I'm not promising I'll be able to finish it all," she informed Nicky, turning her body towards the nightstand where the plate had been replaced onto just a couple of moments earlier.

Allowing her lungs to gradually fill with air upon opening her mouth to take in a breath, Nicky nodded slightly in concurrency with her girlfriend's revelation. "That's fine, Lorna," she softly started, letting the fingers of the hand she cradled around the bottom of her chin delicately stroke around its flesh in a soothing manner. "I just want you to try. You don't have to eat it all, eat what you can and I'll be happy."

Nicky watched carefully as Lorna retrieved the plate from where she'd set it down and placed it onto her lap. Seeing her legs tremor faintly while dangling off the side of the mattress, Nicky without any thought wrapped her arm protectively around Lorna's shoulder and pulled her closer. "What are you angry and upset about, doll? Is it because I wouldn't let you cut it?" Fingers brushed slowly up and down along her spine.

Focusing her eyes down on the plate upon her thighs, Lorna recoiled her shoulders for a few seconds before gently releasing them. She brought a hand up to grab at one of the halves, after studying them closely to make sure the one she kept was smaller—even if it was by a miniscule amount—and handed the one she held over to Nicky.

She waited until Nicky took the half from her to verbally acknowledge her queries. "A little bit, but that's not the whole reason I'm mad. It's mostly because a the Chapmans," Lorna tilted a shoulder and retained her gaze on the plate. The remaining half less and less appetizing the longer she stared at it. But she wouldn't bring that thought to light. Instead, she took in a strong huff of air while averting her eyes from the food back onto Nicky. "I just don't get why they had to all of a sudden want to find out where I was. I didn't want to come back here, Nicky. I wanted for them to not come and have the CPS lady find out so I'd be reunited with Franny instead. But stupid Mrs. Chapman with her stupid chip ruined that for me."

"I know, kid, I know," Nicky whispered with a bit of a melancholic tone mixed in there. She continued the soothing motion up along her spine and leaned her head closer to Lorna's in order to have better access to the top of her dark brown waves where she pressed her lips over. "I'm so sorry you're dealing with all this shit, doll. I know it's not easy and I wish there was something I could do for ya. But just know I'm here for ya and I'm not going anywhere, yeah?"

The comment warmed her heart while at the same time worsening the guilt eating at her veins. Did she deserve Nicky's constant love and support after the way she spoke to her? Lorna didn't believe so. But then again she hadn't believed so even before that. She didn't believe she'd ever deserve Nicky's love and support or anyone's love and support. She shook her head at the inner battle going on in her mind and swallowed down her feelings the best she could. All that mattered right now was trying to mend the tension she had previously caused.

And the only way she could start to mend that was by appeasing Nicky with at least taking a bite of the sandwich on the plate still sprawled upon her lap. She nervously picked it up in one of her hands, looking it over rather precisely. Much more precisely than any other person would likely do before just putting it to their mouths for a bite.

However, Lorna couldn't just lift the sandwich to her mouth and take a bite without thinking about it. Fuck. All she could do was sit there and think about it. About how even a small nibble would cause her weight to double. Maybe triple. She couldn't fathom what eating the entire thing would do to her body. How it would likely make her thighs twice the size they were now. Make her stomach protrude like she was pregnant. With an elephant or two, hell, probably three.

The clearing of Nicky's throat brought Lorna from her ever-active mind. She turned her head and peered back at her with squinted eyes. The bottom of her lip inverting under her top one. "But aren't ya annoyed with me, hon? Or pissed I guess? I wasn't very nice to ya, and I'm real sorry for saying such hurtful things," Lorna reminded her with an apology. She sighed and deterred her eyes once more. She was pissed at herself for getting so hostile towards the one person who was only trying to help. It wouldn't surprise her if one day Nicky just had enough of it and left. She would understand and knew that was something she deserved. To be left.

Seeing her struggle with the sandwich in her hand but turning the conversation off of that broke Nicky's heart. Caused her arm to pull her closer until Lorna's head was pressing into her chest. She let her chin rest atop it and exhaled a slow breath. Fingers from her other hand moved up to Lorna's scalp, gently massaging at its flesh. "I'm annoyed with your eating disorder, doll, not you. I know you're only getting defensive because of how terrified you are of food. And I also know you can't help that—it's the eating disorder's fault, not yours. Besides ya didn't say anything hurtful to me, ya just spoke in a very angry tone. Which isn't something I took offense to. You're hurting, baby, and going through a lotta stuff right now. You're allowed to get angry in front of me or anyone, really. Holding it all in isn't good for ya."

"I don't deserve you, Nicky." Lorna shook her head while bending it down so her eyes were no longer peering into Nicky's. "I don't deserve any of you, I really don't," a faint sniffle quickly accompanied her words. She felt the pang in her chest increase and wished there was some way she could make everything up to her girlfriend. To go back in time and not have gotten her caught up in all this shit with her. If she hadn't have invited her over the one night her father was home, all the events that led up to this very moment would have never occurred in the first place. Nicky wouldn't have to sit here and struggle to help her with this nonexistent eating disorder everyone said she had.

Nicky felt her heart sink into her stomach. Tears were quick to make their way from her eyes as she secured her hold on Lorna. She held her hand on the back of Lorna's head to keep it in place against her chest and slowly began rocking the pair of them. Mouth pressed firmly, yet with the softest of touch, onto the top of her scalp. "Why don't you deserve me, Lorna? Because I love you and want to take care of you?"

Naturally, her head bobbed itself up and down. There were a multitude of reasons Lorna believed for why she hadn't deserved Nicky. Her love and affection were two of the bigger ones. She was too fucking damaged to be loved and cared for in the way Nicky had. Nicky was the kindest of kind, the most loving of loving—she shouldn't have to be stuck with damaged property such as Lorna. No one should have to be stuck with Lorna. Absolutely no one.

"I just don't, hon. It doesn't matter why I don't; just know I don't deserve you. There's nothing I can ever do to deserve you, Nicky and I'm sorry. I'm real sorry. I wish I could be normal for ya, I really do. But I'm fucked up and there ain't no fixin' me, hon."

"Lorna, where are ya gettin' all these thoughts from?" Nicky tilted her head so her eyes were melding into Lorna's. Worried lines creased on her forehead while tears ran along her cheeks. Her arms continued to wrap tighter around the brunette's waist. "There's nothing for you to apologize for…you're perfect the way ya are, doll. I love you. I love you the way you are and nothing will ever change that. Please tell me what's making you think and say these things, baby."

The brunette waved a hand in the air and shook her head. There was no use continuing the conversation. She shouldn't have said anything to begin with, she soon realized. Instead she forced her lips into a smile and pointed her hand at the two halves of sandwich they were both holding in their dominant hands. "Let's just get this over with, Nicky. I'm already dreading this enough just sitting and holding this in my hand is making me even more anxious. I want it gone," she muttered, gazing annoyingly at the item upon her palm. Truly she couldn't find anything more agonizing than that damn piece of food she held.

Nicky breathed out a sigh but gave a slow nod of her head. She didn't see the point in arguing with Lorna over the conversation right then. They could save that for another time. Maybe when Lorna was less on edge, she thought. She sucked in some air through her nose and turned her eyes onto the brunette who remained in her arms. "Good idea, kid, I told ya the more ya put it off the harder it'll be to follow through. Ya wanna take a bite at the same time? Would that make it easier for ya?"

A chuckle sounded through Lorna's airway. Her head shook out of instinct while her eyes fell onto the sandwich in her hand. Nothing would make eating that less of a hassle. She meant her words when she said she'd rather be suffocated than to eat this damn thing she held. Suffocating was less painful than putting food down her damn gullet. How the fuck did she get to this point? The question popped through her mind numerous times the last few weeks. This had been her normal for so long that she could hardly remember what it was like to actually enjoy the thought of a nice meal.

Hell, she couldn't even remember the last time she was able to eat without obsessively thinking about it beforehand. Justly, she had no fucking clue how the hell she got to where she was right now. How she just allowed herself to lose interest in the one thing that all humans needed in order to survive. It was terrifying when she sat there and let her mind ponder on it all. How easily she became so engulfed, so caught up in whatever this was she was caught up in. Some may have referred to it as an eating disorder but Lorna couldn't bring herself to admit that.

This wasn't that. An eating disorder. This was just some weird, fucked-up, little phase that some teenagers went through. Of course, she affirmed, of course that's all this was. A small phase that would soon pass. It had to eventually. She felt Nicky's breath on her scalp and jolted herself from her mind. Again her lips curved into an empty smile and she nodded her head. Even though she knew the truth. That nothing would make the process any less dreary.

"Sure, hon, I would, uh, I would like that…if we both, erm, took a bite at the same time."

Nicky nodded and had her lips curve into an encouraging smile. "Of course, I'll do whatever I can to help ya through this. Are ya ready to take the first bite of it?" She held her stare on Lorna and didn't do a thing until she saw her head bob in response to her question. A very timid bob of the head she took note of. A sigh huffed out of her. It wasn't right that Lorna was feeling this way about a task that the majority of people didn't even think twice about doing each and every day.

Trepidation gradually coursed through her the closer the sandwich got to her face. Eyes momentarily shifted over to Nicky, who copied her movements and brought her half of the sandwich towards her lips. It froze in place as Nicky's eyes met with Lorna's. Clearly, Nicky wasn't going to bite into it until Lorna did. And Lorna wanted to put that off for as long as possible despite the fact that doing such would only escalate how much she didn't want to do it.

She sighed. There would never come a time where she would want to do it, she came to terms with. Putting it off wasn't going to change that. Wasn't going to magically make her find it any easier to eat. It would only make the whole ordeal even harder. Just like Nicky kept insisting her on. Nicky was always right. Always bluntly honest even when it hurt to listen. She sighed again. Eyes reverted back onto the sandwich. That's all it was, she tried to calm herself, just a sandwich. It wasn't going to jump up and kill her. Despite it feeling that way in her mind.

Fingers combed the side of it, letting the smooth texture of the turkey and cheese come in contact with her flesh. Why was this such a challenge for her? It was literally only bread with fucking deli slices of meat and cheese. Who the fuck sat there terrified of something like that? Eyebrows arched above her eyes as she let the queries pulse through her head. She swallowed down the building saliva and very slowly inched the food product closer to her mouth. The sandwich had been close enough to lightly press against her lips but still had not been placed inside her mouth.

With her eyes squeezed shut, Lorna inhaled a breath through her nose and took a few seconds to contemplate her entire existence. Once she felt at peace—or at peace as she could feel—she timidly opened her mouth and used her hand to place a small amount of the sandwich into it with. Teeth clamped down on the portion and tore into the bread until it ripped apart from the rest of the sandwich.

Teeth chewed thoroughly on the piece of sandwich in her mouth. She finally opened her eyes back and peeked a glance over at Nicky, who was also chewing on a piece of her half of the sandwich. Minutes passed as she continued to chew the food. She hadn't swallowed until she observed Nicky doing so. It took a few swallows before the particles went all the way down through her esophagus.


Fifteen agonizing minutes was how much time had passed between the first bite and last bite of the sandwich. Relief and exhaustion were the main sensations Lorna felt upon completion of her half of the sandwich. She set the empty plate onto the nightstand, then let her body press back against Nicky's. In turn gently pushing the both of them upon the mattress once more.

Having Lorna atop her Nicky embraced her tightly with both of her arms wrapped tight around her waist. Chin pressed softly on the top of her head and tilted downward just enough for her lips to be able to peck a warm kiss over the spot above it. Hands raked lovingly, over and over, through Lorna's thick brown waves almost as if her hands were the bristles of a brush. A quiet breath came out through her throat as the two lied there in each other's warm arms.

"I'm proud of you for eating the whole half of the sandwich. You did so good, kid," Nicky murmured, lips had moved from the top of her head to right against one of her ears. Her breath trickled out and warmly heated the flesh underneath where her mouth rested. Eyes peered down onto Lorna, searching her face and expression rather methodically. There was a mental fatigue easily picked up by her. She moved her hand to a porcelain cheek, stroking the tips of her fingers all around the area.

Despite feeling the total opposite, Lorna flashed a grateful smile while nuzzling her face even closer to the older girl. She lay there with her head propped up—chin resting on her hand she had previously placed on Nicky's chest. A position that made it easier for the two to gaze into each other's eyes. She felt a sigh squeak its way out as she lifted her other hand to place on one of Nicky's cheeks, mirroring her actions. The palm of it caressed soothingly from one side to the other.

Forehead gently leaned closer until it was pressing into Nicky's. The sandwich debacle, albeit feeling like having climbed Mt. Everest in a freezing ice storm, was worth it to be where she was in this specific moment. With her arms around Nicky and Nicky's around her. Their foreheads melding into one and their hands stroking one another's cheeks. Nothing was better than this. She'd do anything to have this time with her Nicky. Her sweet, sweet, loving Nicky. Even if that meant having to consume a half of a sandwich every once in a while.

"Thanks, hon. You did a real good job too," a light-hearted smirk formed upon her face as she rubbed a hand lovingly along the length of Nicky's cheek.

She inched their faces closer, if that was possible, and allowed her lips to lock with those belonging to her girlfriend. They glided softly together in a long, sweet, kiss. Eyes closed as she deepened it. She held their lips together for as long as she could until the two of them needed to pull apart for air. Air refilled her lungs and she felt a smile taking shape on her face. She couldn't resist it from widening the more her eyes lingered on Nicky's. Yes, she clarified, this was worth the torture of eating that godforsaken sandwich. The closeness, the warmth, the kissing, the gentle stroking—all of that was worth everything.

Nicky brought her hand up to cradle around the back of Lorna's head, bringing it closer to her own once they both had caught their breath. She smashed her lips once more over Lorna's and closed her eyes, allowing herself to become immersed with the kiss. There wasn't anything else on her mind right then. Nothing but the angelic taste of Lorna's sweet lips upon her own. She couldn't imagine anything better than the intimacy she was sharing with Lorna now. Nothing nor nobody else had the capability of making her heart race as it happened to be in this moment.

"You're fucking the most unique person on this planet, ya know that kid?" Nicky's voice huskily queried, eyebrows curved as she peered straight into Lorna's mesmerizing brown eyes.

Biting down on her tongue out of nervous habit, Lorna leaned back a little. Eyes returning her girlfriend's inquisitive gaze. Lips curved up slightly and then quickly returned into their normal position. "Is that a good thing, hon?" She traced a thumb delicately around the flesh beneath one of her eyes. Breath falling warmly over her face as she remained hovering atop her.

Locking their lips together a third time, Nicky enthusiastically nodded her head. A thumb she used to lovingly tuck a loose strand of brown hair behind an ear with. "It sure is, doll. I love you so much just how ya are. You're perfect in my eyes. Absolutely perfect," voice murmured against Lorna's lips, quickly heating them up from her breath. And every word was meant wholeheartedly. She never met someone quite like Lorna. Someone as utterly unique and perfect as her girlfriend.

Breath caught in her throat. A good throat catching of breath Lorna believed. Butterflies flipped about her stomach as she stroked a hand all the way from Nicky's chest up to her face. Leaving faint goosebumps in their wake. The sight formed a smile on her own face. She let her fingers press softly into the flesh of Nicky's cheek, verging on the bottom of her lower lip, and caressed around it in a circular motion. It brought her joy to be so gingerly affectionate with the redhead who rested beneath her. The redhead who did so much for her, who supported her nonstop.

There was no one on the planet—no one in the entire universe—who Lorna could picture herself loving the way she loved Nicky. The way her heart burst through her chest, her blood coursing through a force of tingles, the way Nicky's touch and lips made her crave even more. Nicky was the only one capable of making her feel the way she felt. Making her lust for her touch, her affection, her beautiful and angelic lips against her own.

"The perfect one here, hon," Lorna breathed out, taking a moment to peck her lips warmly over the flesh beneath her lips. "is you," her voice lower, nearly purring as it lightly rested a bit below Nicky's mouth. She raised a thumb to the side of where her lips were laying upon and rubbed the skin softly, soothingly. "You are real special, hon. Ya make me feel things that I, uh, I didn't think I could feel."

"Mm, yeah? Like what, babe? What things do I make you feel?" Nicky quirked a frisky eyebrow, voice husky with both lust and affection. She mirrored Lorna by placing a thumb on the flesh beneath her lips. Stroking around it in a compassionate fashion.

An unintelligible murmur sounded through Lorna's airway. She chewed down on the side of her mouth, cheeks flushing pink as she pieced together how to respond to that. Or rather how to not choke on her words from embarrassment. Fingers from her other hand which happened to be resting on one of Nicky's arms raked in a feathery motion up and down the length of it. "Well, uh, let's just say I'm a little soaked in the down the area," was her sheepish response, cheeks darkening several shades.

A warm laugh came from Nicky as she took both Lorna's cheeks in her hands and stroked her lips over hers. When she pulled apart, she looked down at her with a smile melded upon her face. Thumbs tenderly caressed away loose strands of hair fallen over her brown eyes. "I find your prudence towards sex talk so fucking cute, doll. The redness of your cheeks right now is even cuter. But how ya've been so bold with me before, ahh, there's no one cuter than you. Seriously, Lorna, you're making my heart pound so fast right now. I never wanna move from this spot here with you."

"I second that," Lorna whispered back. She pressed their lips right back together and then slowly pulled away. Once she had, she took both of her hands and framed them around either side of Nicky's face. Holding it in place in front of her own. Fingertips drew soft hearts around the cheeks underneath her hands. The corners of her mouth flared up into a smile. "Nicky you make my heart and other things in me flutter. I guess it's a good thing I finished the sandwich because now we get to cuddle like you promised, huh? Can we stay here for the resta the day? Does Red know you're here?"

Turning on her side, Lorna still securely held in her arms, Nicky mirrored her smile and nodded her head. "Ah, now I know the best way to encourage you, yeah? Just promise you lots of cuddles and kisses after?" She threw an affectionate wink Lorna's way and in return received a warm giggle. The most angelic sound to grace her ears.

She slightly maneuvered them so that both of them were laying on their sides with their fronts pressing together and arms still engulfed around each other's waists. Lips fizzled into a smile. Nicky laid a hand on Lorna's cheek, curling a sparse brown hair behind one of her ears. "Ma knows I'm here and I'll shoot her a text later to let her know I'll be spending the night too. That way we can stay right where we are for the rest of the day. Fuck. There's nowhere else I'd rather be then here, cuddled with you."

Lorna nuzzled closer, if that was even possible with how close they already happened to be, and settled her face in the crook of Nicky's neck. Eyes closed shut for a moment as she took everything in. The smile on her face hadn't faltered but instead grew wider. A tranquil breath came in through her nose and felt warm the entire way down to her lungs. "I mean I guess I could manage a little food if it means getting this after. This is the only place I wanna be, in your arms and looking at you—admiring how beautiful every inch a ya is, hon."

"Hmm, I feel the same way. I could lay here holding you for an eternity or two, babe. Nothing else matters or exists when we're together."

Footsteps coming from the hallway halted her spiel. Both sets of brown eyes swiftly shifted onto the door. Nicky squinted hers before averting them back onto Lorna, "Did ya happen to lock the door, kid?"

A sheepish giggle innately escaped from Lorna's throat. Hands were thrown up in the air as she shrugged her shoulders. "I think, hon, but I'm not real sure."

The steps outside grew louder and soon after the knob of the door was being jimmied with. Mrs. Chapman stood in the doorway, covering her mouth with both hands. An audible gasp squeaked out.