Chapter 23

Grinning to himself, Darcy sauntered down the front steps of Rosings Park alone. After a long hour of careful manipulation, he had convinced Lady Catherine that Colonel Fitzwilliam was in desperate need of her sage advice and wisdom. After all, the dear Colonel was finding himself in dire straits after falling victim to a greedy mistress. Unable to contain a small chuckle, Darcy recalled the look of horror on his cousin's face after he had shared that blatant lie. He was certain Fitzwilliam would repay him many times over for uttering such a thing in their aunt's presence, however, he could not feel much guilt at this time as he had achieved his desire in leaving alone.

After the Hunsford party had left the night before, Darcy spent the majority of the evening contemplating how he could improve Miss Elizabeth's opinion of him without drawing too much attention from the watcher. After several frustrating hours without a solution, the words Mr. Bennet had spoken during the Netherfield Ball came to mind. Suddenly his path was clear: he needed to woo Miss Elizabeth as she is, not as who she once was. Spending time and conversing with her did not seem to matter to the watcher, it was only when he tried to draw out Iliana that the being interfered.

Knowing that he had not begun their acquaintance on the best of terms, Darcy was well aware that he had a long way to go before she would begin to trust him more than the watcher. With that in mind, he began to compile a list of all the many times he had pleasantly surprised or confused her with his actions. It did not take long to realize that the key to pleasing her was in being considerate and agreeable towards those she held dear. Loyalty, after all, had always been one of Iliana's main traits.

Finally having a means by which he might help her regain her memories, Darcy began to formulate a plan to win Miss Elizabeth's trust and, hopefully, her love.

It had been quite a disappointment when he announced his mornings' plan to his cousin only to have Fitzwilliam volunteer to join him. No amount of argument could convince Fitzwilliam that if he truly desired to assist Darcy then he needed to remain behind. Darcy was well aware that with Fitzwilliam in attendance, he would never garner enough of Miss Elizabeth's attention in order to charm her with his true personality; a personality she had blinded herself to. Therefore, unable to persuade his cousin to remain behind, Darcy had decided to use devious means in order to gain what he wanted. His success, no matter how undeserving Fitzwilliam was of Lady Catherine's attentions, could not go to waste prompting Darcy to depart in haste to begin the courting of his beloved.

As he continued to meander down the path towards the parsonage, Darcy replayed in his mind the topics he planned to discuss with Mrs. Collins and even those he hoped to engage Miss Lucas in. Although he would prefer to spend the entirety of the visit conversing with Miss Elizabeth, he knew that he must first show her that he was not adverse to a connection with the wife of his aunt's parson, no matter how ridiculous the man was. By doing so, he hoped to further the support Mrs. Collins had first offered at the Netherfield Ball. Knowing Mrs. Collins to be a woman of sound mind, and closest in confidence to Miss Elizabeth after Miss Bennet, he hoped he could count on her assistance in convincing Miss Elizabeth of his sincerity towards her.

All too soon Darcy found himself standing at the door of the parsonage. Taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, he reached out to ring the bell. Within a few moments, the door was opened by a young maid. After informing the maid that he desired to call upon the ladies of the house and handing her his hat and gloves, he was allowed in and shown into the back parlor.

Upon entering the room he gazed around with a mixture of astonishment and panic. Miss Elizabeth was alone and in the process of putting away what appeared to be a half-written letter she had been working on. Her own surprise at seeing him was evident upon her face. As he bowed in greeting, he realized that although he now had his greatest desire of time alone with her, all of his carefully made plans were unravelling before his very eyes. How could he show her he could be very agreeable in company if her friends were not in attendance?

Suddenly realizing that she was still staring at him in surprise and that neither had yet to say a word, Darcy awkwardly cleared his throat. "Forgive me, Miss Bennet, for intruding upon your privacy. I had understood all the ladies to be within."

Cocking her head as she considered him, she replied, "Mrs. Collins and Maria are gone into the village this morning on business. Will you not sit down, Mr. Darcy?"

Bestowing a small smile upon her, Darcy sat down upon the chair to which she had gestured while she moved to sit upon the sofa across from his chair. "May I enquire after your aunt and cousins Mr. Darcy?"

"I thank you, they are very well. We were all pleased to have had your company last evening, a pleasure that I hope will soon be repeated." Watching her carefully, he noticed she had flinched upon his mentioning the previous evening. Curious, he wondered if it was in regards to being in company with his aunt or the private time spent with him while time was frozen that bothered her more. Not wanting to bring up a possibly uncomfortable subject, Darcy tried to come up with something else to say. Unfortunately, none of his prepared topics would go over as well with Miss Elizabeth as they would have with Mrs. Collins, so he fell into an uncomfortable silence.

Not unaware of her own discomfort with the silence, Darcy was unsurprised that Miss Elizabeth was the first to speak, something for which he was grateful as he knew not what to say. His comfort with the topic she chose, however, was an entirely different matter.

"How very suddenly you all quitted Netherfield last November, Mr. Darcy! It must have been a most agreeable surprise to Mr. Bingley to see you all after him so soon; for, if I recollect right, he went but the day before. He and his sisters were well, I hope, when you left London."

"Perfectly so - I thank you. However, I was unaware of his sisters' plan to leave shortly after my own unexpected departure. I was quite surprised to discover that the whole family wintered in London when I returned to town myself a little over a fortnight ago." Darcy was pleased yet also disappointed to see confusion cross her face upon hearing his words. It was proof that Miss Bennet was correct in thinking her younger sister believed Miss Bingley's lies regarding her brother's departure, as well as showed she thought she might be wrong in regards to his own motives. He was hopeful that it was more of the latter.

After a short pause, during which she continued to watch him skeptically, she began again. "I think I have understood that Mr. Bingley has not much idea of ever returning to Netherfield again?"

Letting his shoulders droop slightly with a sigh, he hesitantly replied not wanting to be completely forthright in regards to his final conversation with Bingley nor wanting to give her any unnecessary hope for her sister. "It is probable that he may spend very little of his time there in future. He has many friends, and he is at a time of life when friends and engagements are continually increasing."

"If he means to be but little at Netherfield, it would be better for the neighborhood that he should give up the place entirely, for then we might possibly get a settled family there. But perhaps Mr. Bingley did not take the house so much for the convenience of the neighborhood as for his own, and we must expect him to keep or quit it on the same principle."

Looking away completely to hide his disappointment in his friend, Darcy replied, "I should not be surprised if he were to give it up, as soon as any eligible purchase offers."

Hearing a soft "oh" from across the room, he looked back at her to see a hint of sadness in her eyes. Somehow, though, he knew the feeling had little to do with Miss Bennet, but herself. He wondered if deep down Iliana was disappointed that he should have no excuse to return to Hertfordshire. Hope flared in his chest, but at the look of discomfort on her face, decided that a change in subjects was required. Looking around for inspiration, he realized that perhaps he could still show her his interest in her friends even with the lack of their presence.

"This seems a very comfortable house. Lady Catherine, I believe, did a great deal to it when Mr. Collins first came to Hunsford."

"I believe she did – and I am sure she could not have bestowed her kindness on a more grateful subject," Miss Elizabeth replied with an eyebrow raised in amusement.

With a small chuckle, he nodded his head in appreciation of her sarcastic observation before continuing. "Mr. Collins appears very fortunate in his choice of a wife."

"Yes, indeed; his friends may well rejoice in his having met with one of the very few sensible women who would have accepted him, or have made him happy if they had." Smiling Darcy could only imagine how miserable Mr. Collins' life would have been had Miss Elizabeth been forced to accept his proposal. Although the thought of Iliana with another was disgusting to him, he found much amusement in the idea as well. Catching her eye, he continued to listen as she discreetly disparaged her cousin while applauding her friend. "My friend has an excellent understanding – though I am not certain that I consider her marrying Mr. Collins as the wisest thing she ever did. She seems perfectly happy, however, and in a prudential light, it is certainly a very good match for her."

Catching a tone of regret for her friend in Miss Elizabeth's voice, Darcy decided to try to challenge her to lighten her mood and hopefully bring out more of Iliana. Therefore, knowing the Collins' situation he said, "It must be very agreeable to her to be settled within so easy a distance of her own family and friends."

"An easy distance do you call it? It is nearly fifty miles," she exclaimed.

Looking down and pretending to brush some lint from his pants to keep her from seeing the amusement in his eyes, he nonchalantly responded. "And what is fifty miles of good road? Little more than half a day's journey. Yes, I call it a very easy distance."

"I should never have considered the distance as one of the advantages of the match," Miss Elizabeth cried. "I should never have said Mrs. Collins was settled near her family."

"It is proof of your own attachment to Hertfordshire. Anything beyond the very neighborhood of Longbourn, I suppose, would appear far," he retorted unable to keep a smile from his face as he watched her blush.

"I do not mean to say that a woman may not be settled too near her family. The far and the near must be relative, and depend on many varying circumstances. Where there is fortune to make the expense of travelling unimportant, distance becomes no evil. But that is not the case here. Mr. and Mrs. Collins have a comfortable income, but not such a one as will allow of frequent journeys – and I am persuaded my friend would not call herself near her family under less than half the present distance."

Drawing his chair a little closer towards her and unable to repress a hope for a glimpse of Iliana in her eyes, Darcy said, "You cannot have a right to such a very strong local attachment. You cannot have been always at Longbourn."

Looking surprised, Miss Elizabeth suddenly sat up straighter as a clouded look crossed her eyes. He could see the green flecks as what he was sure was memories of past lives surfaced briefly. His hope and excitement was suddenly crushed, however, when he felt the watcher's presence increase and the green disappeared once more from her eyes. Berating himself for forgetting that he needed to woo Miss Elizabeth and not Iliana in order to avoid the watcher, he quickly sat back and reached for the newspaper on a nearby table glancing over it. After regaining his equilibrium, he asked far more coldly than intended, "Are you pleased with Kent?"

Seeing that she had noticed his suddenly changed demeanor he grimaced as she coldly replied in turn and they began a short discourse on the county. It was not much later, however, that Mrs. Collins and her sister returned and entered the room. Miss Lucas appeared shocked at his presence, although Mrs. Collins did not. That lady merely glanced at her friend with a raised eyebrow and the corner of her mouth twitching to which Miss Elizabeth barely shook her head in reply.

After exchanging greetings with the ladies, Darcy explained how he had desired to call upon all three of the ladies that morning only to discover Miss Elizabeth alone. Knowing that he finally had a chance to once more show his beloved that he had an interest in her friends, he was shocked to realize that he could not recall a single topic of conversation he had painstakingly rehearsed the night before and all morning. His private tête-à-tête with Miss Elizabeth seemed to have thrown his mind into an emotional turmoil once again. Therefore, after only staying a few more minutes without much conversation, he bid the ladies farewell and quickly departed.

As he walked back to Rosings, he thought about all that had occurred that morning. Although he knew it could have gone much better, he was loath to admit that it was far from the worst encounter he had had with Miss Elizabeth. He would simply have to take it as a victory and hope for more opportunities in the coming days for more private discourse with her.

.

.

.

"Therefore I told Georgiana there was nothing for her to worry over since I was determined to marry her myself. It is such a shame though that I should be forced to wait so long before taking her to wife. I suppose I will just have to reminisce on our stolen moments together to get me through the years."

"WHAT!?" Darcy bellowed rising suddenly to his feet to tower angrily over his cousin as the words slowly registered. Fists clenched at his sides, he fought the urge to strangle Fitzwilliam who continued to sip his brandy while watching him with a smirk.

"Calm yourself, Darcy, unless you wish to disturb Lady Catherine's sleep," Fitzwilliam said with a slight chuckle. Hearing movement at the door both men turned towards the door to see the butler peeking in cautiously. Before Darcy could say anything, Fitzwilliam stood placing a hand on Darcy's shoulder and began to speak. "Forgive my cousin his outburst, Mr. Cowell. I believe the brandy has altered his wits slightly. I shall see him to his bed shortly. In the meantime, you should retire; I see no need for you to wait upon us."

Darcy could feel the butler's curious gaze upon him as he directed a scowl toward his cousin. Mr. Cowell, however, merely shook his head and bid the gentlemen a good night before closing the door. The two cousins silently listened to the sounds of the butler's departing footsteps, and once inaudible, both turned to the other; one wore a look of amusement, the other one of great ire.

"I demand that you explain yourself and your conduct with Georgiana this moment else I shall be forced to call you out!" Darcy fumed through gritted teeth.

"There, there, Darcy. You know perfectly well that my relationship with your precious sister is like that of an elder brother. I would never consider her as anything more. She is far too young and sweet to be the sort of wife I might one day prefer."

"But…you just said…stolen moments together!" Darcy managed to blurt out as he fell back into his chair, confusion evident upon his face.

"My dear, tortured man," Fitzwilliam snickered as he poured himself more brandy. "It has been well over an hour since the ladies of the house retired and thus far you have yet to respond to a single word I have uttered. I fear I was growing quite desperate to pierce that contemplative cloak you have worn since returning from the parsonage." Turning back to his chair, he sat down again and relaxed into the cushions with an ease that left Darcy feeling envious. His emotions had been so on edge for months, then stretched even farther upon arrival at Rosings, that true relaxation seemed beyond his reach.

"Was it truly necessary to slander Georgiana's good name in your effort, sir?" Darcy snipped, unable to completely relinquish his anger; or was it perhaps more fear at the loss of his sister's sweet innocence that finally garnered his attention.

"Perchance not. I will admit, however, to growing ever more concerned about your own wellbeing," Fitzwilliam conceded with a sad smile. "Perhaps you might ease this hardened soldier's worries by sharing your continued failed attempt at winning the fair Miss Bennet's heart?"

Unable to spare enough emotion to send his cousin a glaring glance, Darcy merely sunk deeper into his chair in resignation as he began to relate his visit with Miss Bennet. As he spoke, he saw Fitzwilliam's excitement turn to dismay at his ineptitude. By relating the tale out loud to another, Darcy realized his downfall was retreating too far into indifference after broaching topics that bordered on too personal a level, a fact Fitzwilliam was quick to point out.

"You are quite right," Darcy agreed. "Her discomfort was palpable and I knew not how to rectify the situation. Therefore, the only logical course of action I could see was to quickly change the subject."

"Therein lies the issue, Darcy! You perceived the entire affair as the logical course of action, not the natural one. By making the lady uncomfortable it was indeed your duty to change the subject. However, a simple 'my apologies, Miss Bennet. Perhaps you might have another topic upon which we can discuss' would have been far more appropriate. I dare say, picking up a newspaper was a far cry from the polite course of action."

"I had to think, and I knew no other way to do so without appearing rude. However I believe it is quite apparent that I failed in both cases," Darcy stated sullenly as he paused in his pacing to lean his forehead against the window, both palms upon the sill. Confusion as to when he had last left his chair to pace had barely crossed his mind when he felt a hand placed upon his slouched shoulder.

"Oh, William," his cousin spoke softly and with a concern Darcy had rarely heard. "You have always been so sure of yourself it is hard to see you like this. I believe the last time I saw you so diffident and indecisive was when Uncle passed away leaving you to care for the estate and dear Georgiana. And I know there was something else bothering you at that time despite your claims otherwise; you changed then, became a completely different person and don't you dare deny it." Shocked at this insight, Darcy turned to look at his cousin and was unsurprised to see him staring intently into his eyes. "Georgiana and I spent those first several weeks talking about the changes we saw in you, most notably your eyes. Are you aware that your once constant grey eyes now change colors according to your attitudes? Dark blue when you are contemplative, light blue when happy, black when angry, and the old grey when you are sad as they are now. There are of course many different variations to those colors, yet I have come to despise the grey of the cousin I once loved."

"Richard, I…" Darcy broke off, unsure what to say. In the past he had never been close enough to anyone besides Iliana for them to notice his eyes or the difference in his being. What could he say? To speak of the truth could endanger them both, yet the harsh concern he saw in Fitzwilliam's demeanor induced a feeling unlike any he had ever felt. Never before had he so much desire to share the troubles of his past, but could he risk the truth being known?

Shaking his head with a sigh, Fitzwilliam patted his shoulder twice before turning and crossing the room back to his seat and brandy. "Say nothing, William. A man like you must have his reasons for not sharing the truth to those closest to him no matter the pain it might cause him. You have chosen to focus on the needs of others instead of burdening them with your own problem. It is for that among so many other reasons you have my highest regard." Fitzwilliam raised his glass to Darcy in a salute as he finished speaking before taking a long, thoughtful swig. "As I am sure you are aware, Darcy, I care for you more than my own brother. Yes you changed, but you did change for the better; you have not been the cousin I knew for the better part of five years now but are so much more now. I would not have you regret the change for my sake. That having been said, I believe I might have a solution to your current predicament."

Unable to hold back a half smile at the conspiratorial tone his cousin used, Darcy crossed his arms as he leaned back against the window sill. "If that truly be the case, Fitzwilliam, you must share now unless you plan to keep me in suspense all night." Darcy's smile grew at the chuckle given in reply, grateful that the tension in the room seemed to dissipate.

"Well as I stated earlier, Georgiana and I have spent many an hour discussing the changing colors of your eyes over the years. There is the one phenomenon that we simply could not understand. However, this time spent watching your interactions with Miss Bennet has enlightened me greatly. On occasion during outdoor excursions your eyes have become a very deep blue with what can only be described as silver flecks in them. It is during those times that we have noticed you are the most at ease and happiest, almost as if you were the same man from before your father's death. It is as though the world and all its cares have simply vanished from your mind and you are free from whatever demons plague you. "

Darcy nodded as he listened. He knew exactly what Fitzwilliam was referring to. Those moments he described were the moments when he felt the most like himself, able to revel in the beauty of nature around him; the moments he felt more like Eavan than Darcy.

"Until meeting Miss Bennet, I have never seen the silver in your eyes while indoors. Yet every time you watch her, there they are, as clear as day, until the moment she addresses you or you her at which point they disappear." Cocking his head slightly to the side, Fitzwilliam watched Darcy waiting to see if he could come to the same conclusion the Colonel seemed to find so obvious. However, Darcy was unsure what it was he was suggesting so simply shook his head and raised his eyebrows in question. Huffing with a tinge of frustration, Fitzwilliam continued. "Not a quarter hour ago I told you that you too often overthink and try the logical course instead of the natural one. The natural one would be to find a venue wherein you are of most comfort, therefore will feel no need to approach a discourse with her as a logical one. Now it has been obvious to us for many years that you are at ease outdoors, but never indoors. You are also at ease in Miss Bennet's company, but not in conversation. Therefore, I suggest you stop trying to think and plan your conversations with the lady indoors, but meet with her instead outdoors so that you can truly be yourself."

Understanding finally dawned on Darcy and he felt a grin of excitement spread across his face causing his cousin to bark out a laugh. Three large strides was all it took for Darcy to reach his chair and plop down enthusiastically in his chair, placing his elbows on his knees as he leaned in towards his cousin. "Do you honestly think it will work, Richard? I have tried so hard to impress Miss Bennet, yet despite my efforts she stubbornly refuses to see that I want nothing more than to please her."

Chuckling at the boyish excitement Darcy had on his face, Fitzwilliam nodded his head. "As I said, you have been trying too hard to please her that you have not shown her who you truly are. You have never once been comfortable indoors, and even I have only seen your true self while surrounded by nature. Show her the Fitzwilliam Darcy that Georgiana and I love and I have no doubt she will come around."

"Thank you, Richard! I shall certainly do as you suggest," Darcy stated with more glee and hope than he had thought possible just hours before. By meeting with Miss Elizabeth outside, he would be able to eschew social requirements and simply enjoy the two things he loved most: Iliana and nature. However, as that thought crossed his mind, so too did the realization that due to proper etiquette, he would be unable to request a private moment in the parsonage gardens.

Having noticed Darcy's sudden crestfallen face, Fitzwilliam inquired as to the meaning of it. Upon hearing the reply, the Colonel threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. "Are you daft man?" he cried. "Even if such a request were to be acceptable, surely you know Miss Bennet would be well within her mind to refuse you!"

"Then what do you suggest I do?"

"I suggest we have your intelligence reevaluated, cousin," Fitzwilliam cried with a roll of his eyes. "I was under the impression that the great Fitzwilliam Darcy was not only one of the richest men in all of England, but was also one of the more intellectually gifted."

"Just say what you wish to, Fitzwilliam," Darcy snarled unable to prevent his agitation from showing.

"Very well. But first let me enjoy this moment. It is not often that I am able to best you in such matters and I have now done so twice this evening," Fitzwilliam gloated with a wink. "Now then, before you revert to threatening me, I am shocked that you are unaware of Miss Bennet's daily solitude walk throughout the park. I had believed it to be common knowledge among all in the area who know of her. Lady Catherine herself has been heard to lament on what a horrible use of time it is on many an occasion."

"Yes I am well aware of Miss Bennet's preference for long rambles in the woods. It was quite the source of mockery for Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst. Yet I fail to see what that has to do with my current predicament."

With a sigh of disbelief, Fitzwilliam stood up, downed the last of his drink before placing it firmly upon a table, and began walking towards the door leaving behind a baffled Darcy. Pausing as he reached the hallway, he turned once more to address his cousin. "I pray you soon find a way to win Miss Elizabeth Bennet's heart, William. I fear for your wits and sanity should this not soon be resolved, not to mention my own. Incidentally, I believe I have neglected to mention to you the stable masters concern for your horse. It seems the poor thing has become quite restless. He is used to far more exercise than you have given him these past few weeks. Good night, Darcy." And without another word or backward glance, he continued on his way leaving behind a befuddled Darcy.

Finishing his own, long forgotten brandy, Darcy too began to head towards his room for the night. As he mused over the long conversation he had with Fitzwilliam, understanding finally dawned on him. Unsure whether to be thrilled at finally having a solution to his problem, or frustrated that it took so long to determine an obvious answer, he let out a dark chuckle and a whispered thanks for the blessing he called cousin.

After preparing for bed and dismissing his valet with instructions to wake him at dawn for a ride, Darcy strode to the window where he gazed out towards the direction of the parsonage. He knew that once again his dreams would be filled with her, and wondered whether she ever dreamed of him. With a wishful sigh, he bid her a silent good night before climbing into bed, hopeful that Fitzwilliam was correct in his assumptions.


AN: Hi everybody! There are several things that I wish to say to you all.
First and foremost, Thank you! Thank you for sticking to the story and reading this new chapter despite it being more than two years since I last posted. Thank you to those who sent messages of love, support, and encouragement! I have felt the love!
Second, I have never been as happy in my life as I am right now! I know when I last posted I shared that I had been going through a bad depression. I'm happy to say that it has been almost 2 years since I was last seriously depressed. My life is great, I'm emotionally happy, and all is truly well.
Third, I am sorry!

Next, I suppose I owe you all a long overdue explanation. Days after posting the previous chapter, I discovered I was pregnant. After years of unsuccessfully trying to conceive, we were happy to put everything else in our life off to the side and celebrate. By the time our excitement had waned enough to get back to daily life, I discovered pregnancy brain had hit me, and it hit me hard (yes I am aware that studies have been released stating that pregnancy brain isn't real, but I say pfft to that! It is very real!). I spent the next several months listening to everyone close to me saying that I was far from my normal self when it came to my mental capacities and that was a major understatement. As a result, I would sit at the computer for 2 hours at a time trying to formulate a single sentence. This chapter, although I knew exactly what I wanted to happen, has been the hardest chapter to write, simply because I could not put the words down no matter how long I sat here and tried (mostly the 2nd half of the chapter). Eventually, I gave up and put it aside, and for that I'm sorry. By the time I felt up to writing again, I was fully engulfed in Motherhood, something that I have been dreaming of all my life. I know no greater joy than spending time with my daughter, and I am loving every moment of being a mother. Now that she's pretty much a toddler, and finally figuring out she doesn't need Mommy next to her while playing, I find that I finally have time again to enjoy writing, hence, finally an update!

Finally, I have a rough draft of the next chapter written up, with various scenes from future chapters written as well. I also have a completed Epilogue already written, so once again let me reassure you that I will finish this story! I will strive to make more time for writing, but motherhood and being a good wife comes first and foremost in my life right now, so I beg your patience as I find my groove again to share the remainder of this story that I love with the rest of you!

So again, Thank you! I'm sorry! and Happy Reading!
With much love and appreciation, Allahteeah