Chapter 29

Colonel Fitzwilliam sat considering his cousin on the opposite bench. Shortly after pulling away from Rosings, Darcy had turned sideways, propped his feet up on the bench, and leaned back against the squabs of the carriage closing his eyes. Never before had Fitzwilliam seen the man so casually poised. Darcy had always been the epitome of decorum, so to see him so relaxed was a testament to the emotional toil he was experiencing. Although he had many times doubted his sanity since hearing his tale the night before, Fitzwilliam could not deny that Darcy had never before given him reason for concern. No, he determined once again, it simply must be true.

Sighing he glanced out the window at the passing scenery. Although he had decided to believe Darcy, he was still struggling to reconcile the man he knew with the man he claimed to be. It all seemed too nonsensical, but he had never known his cousin to be anything other than quite serious. As a result, he was determined to do what he could to help the man along. The only question remaining to him was how.

As he had offered to do last evening, he had extended his farewell visit with the Collins' in the hopes of being able to offer his own account of Wickham's perfidy to Miss Elizabeth. When after an hour she had not returned to the parsonage, and knowing Darcy was impatient to leave, he had finally expressed his sorrow at missing her and left. He felt guilty that he had been unable to determine whether or not further testimony would be needed, yet he dare not delay their departure any longer. He would figure out another way to assist Darcy.

Upon returning to Rosings, he had been unsurprised to see the carriage packed and ready to go, with Darcy standing nearby staring across the park towards a distant grove of trees. A nod to his raised eyebrow was all the answer he needed to know that that grove was where Miss Elizabeth currently was. Shaking his head in wonderment, he quickly entered the house, listened to Lady Catherine's farewell speech and offered his own short goodbyes. It was shortly afterwards that he finally climbed into the carriage followed swiftly by Darcy.

It had been more than an hour now since they left and Fitzwilliam glanced once more at his cousin. Having never been in love himself, he found himself unable to fully sympathize with Darcy. Yet he could not help but feel a lurch in his own heart when he thought of the utter heartbreak he had witnessed in the man. The lack of depth he had seen the night before in Darcy's black eyes conveyed more than any words could have, and he prayed he would never see such a sight again. Suppressing a shudder at the memory, Fitzwilliam wondered what other marvels he would discover about his cousin as he considered the sleeping man's face. So intent was his study that he was startled when Darcy suddenly addressed him.

"The answers you seek will not be found in whatever blemish you might be examining so closely."

Fighting the urge to bring a hand up to his chest as he had seen many a lady do when startled, Fitzwilliam instead focused on steadying his breathing. "Forgive me, William, I had thought you to be sleeping. I did not mean to disturb you."

Darcy nonchalantly brushed away his apology with a wave, eyes still closed. "I was not sleeping. I have always found myself incapable of sleeping in a moving carriage, and despite my lack of sleep last night, today is no different. Therefore I should be the one to beg your apology for having startled you so." He then turned his head to look Fitzwilliam in the eye, but upon seeing him flinch, quickly closed his eyes again and turned back away. "I am also sorry once again for what you saw last night. I was not yet master of my emotions and fear that I have forever scarred you. I hope you will forgive me and know that I meant no harm."

"Nonsense, William. I…I should not have reacted so. It is just that you have not said a word since our departure and I worried that leaving her vicinity would bring upon you that same despair. It was unfair of me to presume." He immediately felt his shoulders drop in relief when Darcy replied with a quiet chuckle.

"It was a fair presumption. You truly do know me well." Darcy chanced a slow glance across the carriage, and smiled when he saw Fitzwilliam's willing nod. Sighing deeply he continued. "Yes, I am devastated to part from her, not knowing when or how our paths might cross again. This is the first lifetime we have ever been parted by anything other than death, and to be honest, I know not how I am to continue on without her. I have never done so before this past winter, and a greater torture I cannot imagine."

Fitzwilliam felt his throat tighten at the impassioned yet unspoken plea he heard. While Darcy's eyes were not as dark as they had been, they still showed the fear and despair that must be foremost in his cousins mind. To know that this man, who had always prided himself in his independence, was admitting he was lost brought out feelings in himself that he could not fully explain. All he knew, however, was that he would do anything to help.

Swallowing against the lump, Fitzwilliam hesitated a moment before he spoke. "I cannot imagine it will be easy, but you shall not be alone. Unless the war takes a drastic turn for the worse, I shall not be deployed to the continent again anytime soon. I can be at your disposal for several months. Between Georgiana and myself, we shall find a way to assist you in winning Miss Elizabeth's heart. We…I cannot lose you, William! I refuse to allow you to fail! You will succeed and break this curse so that we may grow old together. You are the closest friend I have, and you must know that I have always considered you to be closer to me than my own brother."

He was rewarded by the lightening of Darcy's eyes and a brief soft smile. "I have known many friends, and have never been neglected by any of my families, but I can honestly say that in all my lives, I have never had anyone as true as you, Richard. I thank you. You are the best of men, and after thirteen hundred years of experience, I hope you can trust me enough to know I speak honestly."

Unable to hold back his own grin, Fitzwilliam thanked him before they once again fell into silence. Darcy's words echoed in his head, and he found himself suddenly unable to keep himself from wondering. Darcy had mentioned during his tale that he had lived many lives, each very different from the others, but he had not shared any details. Curious, he decided that perhaps he could gain a better idea of how to help his cousin win the fair lady's hand if he knew more about these mysterious lives.

"William, if I may, how many lives have you lived?"

Darcy cocked his head as he sat straighter on the bench, although his feet still rested on the far end. His brows were knit in concentration, and Fitzwilliam found himself suddenly impatient for the answer. "If I have counted correctly, this would be my fifty-fourth lifetime."

Fitzwilliam felt his brows disappear into his hairline. "Fifty-four! You have died and been reborn fifty-four times?" Seeing Darcy's nod, he slumped back in his seat. "No, William, surely that can not be possible!"

Laughing openly, Darcy relaxed back into the squabs. "I assure you, Richard, I do not exaggerate. I admit that it seems a bit much, but when you consider the oldest age I have attained in this unending cycle is five-and-thirty and I have reached my majority less than half of those lives, can it really come as a shock that I have lived so many times in all those years?"

Fitzwilliam struggled to rein in his disbelief. He had figured it to have been a higher number than he had thought, but to have lived more than fifty times was beyond even his imagination. "I am almost afraid to ask, but if five and thirty is the oldest you have been, what was your youngest age?"

The smile Darcy directed his way contained great sadness as he answered without hesitation, "Seven. Iliana was nine. It was the first time we drowned."

If he had thought that he could not be more surprised, that answer proved him severely wrong. "So young," he whispered.

"Physically yes, but you must remember that we only perish after attaining our memories. That lifetime was our twelfth. There is a reason young children should remain ignorant of the way of adults," Darcy was pleased when his jest earned him a chuckle. "Now, before you ask, I will share that sad tale. Our fathers were both fishermen near what is now Brighton. Together they shared ownership of a larger boat and as a result we grew up the closest of friends. Often we would accompany them on fishing trips. One day my friend began acting strangely and I could not understand why. A few nights later I overheard my father discussing with my mother that he worried her own father was hitting her. Even though I was very young, I felt such anger at the thought that she was being treated thusly. The next day, I decided to ask her about it, and she broke down in tears." Seeing Fitzwilliam's fists suddenly clench in anger, Darcy quickly rushed to reassure him. "Never fear, it was nothing more than a drunken man's lashing out. I do not excuse him for his actions, quite the opposite actually. Imagine if you can, a scrawny little lad berating a very large man for abusing his daughter. That day ended the partnership between our two fathers as hers slapped me so hard across the face I was thrown overboard. He laughed when my father panicked and dove in after me claiming that if I could not swim on my own I was not fit to be called the son of a fisherman. We returned home earlier than normal, I thankfully without any physical repercussions from the day, and we didn't see each other for a week. When she had finally managed to escape him long enough to come see me, her eyes had changed color. Something about the way I had stood up to her father had ignited her memories, and she was determined to not wait until we were older to awaken my own; the fear her father induced in her was very strong. Unfortunately he discovered the two of us kissing in a manner that to this day shames even myself as we were too young. In our attempt to escape him, we found ourselves trapped on an outcropping of rock during high tide. We never made it back to shore."

Fitzwilliam's eyes were wide open in awe and disbelief. "And…" he swallowed hard unsure what to say.

"And then I awoke again twenty years later, the son of a blacksmith."

Fitzwilliam guffawed. "You! You were a blacksmith?" Seeing the twinkle of amusement in Darcy's eyes, he shook his head utterly bewildered. "Surely you jest! Come now, Darcy, I know you occasionally toil alongside your tenants, but you are too soft of a man to do the hard work of a blacksmith."

"I assure you I was a fine blacksmith, Richard. And other than the heat of the forge in the summer months, I found I quite enjoyed it." Darcy fully sat up, placing his feet on the floor and turned to directly face him. "There is something to be said for holding a piece of metal in your hands and with nothing more than a hammer and anvil, shape it into a variety of other tools. It is a process of true and incredible art." Upon seeing Fitzwilliam's doubtful gaze, he chuckled. "Very well, I will admit that I despised the fact that I could never get my hands fully clean."

Chortling, Fitzwilliam pointed a finger accusingly at him, "There you have spoken truth! You enjoy hard physical work, but you cannot stand being unclean."

"I never have, cousin," Darcy admitted with a large grin.

"Fine, fine. While I cannot comprehend it, I agree that you might have been a blacksmith." Ignoring the roll of Darcy's eyes, he continued. "But now you find me fully intrigued. What other secret skills have you kept from me?"

Amazed he watched as Darcy's face broke out into a boyish grin. Will the wonders never cease, he asked himself as Darcy began to list all the many occupations either he or his various parents had held. This life was not the first time he had found himself part of the landed gentry, but never had he held such a high station. He had also served under more than two dozen masters himself as either footman, stable hand, valet, gardener or other servant. He then admitted to being a musician a couple times, an actor, a tailor, an executioner, a butcher, an innkeeper thrice, shopkeeper and even a soldier directly under the command of William the Conqueror. As the list seemed endless, Fitzwilliam held up his hands as he pled for relief.

"Do I truly shock you, Richard? Or do you desire me to cease because you now feel inadequate against me?"

"Ha! You think that if you wish." He was cheered to see Darcy's continued smile. "I am just amazed at the variety of your lives. You fit so seamlessly into this one, that I struggle to imagine you in any other role. On the other hand, I feel as though for the first time in my life, I finally fully understand you."

"Is that so?"

Pleased that he seemed to have been the one to confound the other for the first time in more than a day, Fitzwilliam was reluctant to surrender his upper hand; yet he was relishing the increased camaraderie between them. He had been honest when he said that Darcy meant more to him than his own brother, yet for the first time ever, he knew that Darcy was being truly open with him, holding nothing back. Wishing to continue on their journey of increased understanding, Fitzwilliam queried, "Are you aware just how much of an oddity you are seen as?"

When he saw Darcy's confused look and negative jerk of the head, Fitzwilliam smiled and continued on. "At White's there is an entire book of bets dedicated to you." Darcy's eyes grew wide, although Fitzwilliam was unsure as to whether the look was one of surprise, disgust, anger or humiliation. He did recognize the confusion, however, and hurried on. "The biggest draw is which social faux pas you will commit next."

Anger. There was no mistaking the emotion now as Darcy's face grew red. "I resent this! I have done all that I can to uphold myself in the eyes of society and bring honor to the Darcy name. How dare they claim that I have done anything but! I want to know whose names are in that book so that I can…"

"So that you can what, William? Tell them off and get yourself landed in the book for how soon you will be admitted to an asylum?" Fitzwilliam interrupted in an attempt to calm the man down. Seeing that Darcy paused to consider his words, he went on. "No one will, nor could they deny that you have ever done anything that was not proper. - The only exception to this being your behavior towards Miss Bennet and possibly the rest of the citizens around Meryton - You are a model citizen. However, you go far beyond what is expected from one of your station. At the last three balls we have attended together, I can honestly say that I witnessed you conversing with more servants than other attendees."

"Tell me what is wrong with conversing with our…'lessers'?" Darcy snarled.

"Nothing. But when you ignore the others around you and favor the servants it is seen as eccentric and leaves you open to ridicule." Seeing that Darcy was about to argue with him again, he leaned forward and continued. "Now that I know your history, I see that you understand them better than even I as a soldier could ever hope to. You have literally lived their lives so you know first-hand what they experience at the hands of all manner of men. It is no wonder that you are the only gentleman I know who has never lost a servant or tenant to anything other than death, family inheritance, or marriage. I can only hope to become half the master you are, but seeing as I cannot relate to them on a personal level I do not know that I could ever be successful. Having said that, you are not a servant now, and shall never be again. Therefore, yes, continue to be personable with those you meet no matter what station of life, but promise me you will remember that unless they are directly under your influence, they are not your concern."

"I am not sure I can do that, Richard. I cannot simply brush off my natural inclination simply because that is what is expected of me." Seeing Fitzwilliam's brow raised in slight censure, Darcy sighed and capitulated. "Very well. I will strive in public to keep my interactions more concise while not giving offense to the servants. In private, when I can be assured that no one will observe, I can offer no such promise."

"Nor would I ask you to, William, especially in your own homes; it would seem strange for you to suddenly change your ways. Again, I truly have admired your resolve to treat everyone fairly, which is why the report of your behavior in Meryton surprised me so. Although I believe we can attribute that to Miss Bennet's presence." Darcy nodded in agreement with a sad smile, and Fitzwilliam was pleased to see him relax once more. "Tell me, William, which life has been your favorite?" He asked.

Darcy's smile froze on his face, and an eyebrow rose in question. "In what way?"

"If you could relive any of your past lives again, which one would you choose?"

He watched as Darcy crossed his arms and leaned back pondering. There was silence for several minutes and Fitzwilliam began to fear that he had crossed a line with his questioning when the answer finally came. "I cannot say. I used to think that the only life worth reliving would be my first, as my original self. Honestly, I miss flying, being able to change size at will, the constant song of nature untouched by man, and of course my parents and people. But more than anything, I miss the innocence of simply traveling the land as I assisted nature with the changing of the seasons. The solitude, the joy in the beauty, and the discovery of how others lived their lives filled me with such satisfaction that I had been unable to find elsewhere. Now that I have experienced a variety of different lifestyles for myself, I doubt there is much left for me to discover so that aspect holds little interest now. As for solitude, well, I dare say I have had too much of it over the years. And while I have almost always been surrounded by others, being unable to share who I really am with anyone has been quite lonely. And how can I truly desire solitude when there is nothing more I want than to be forever with Iliana, never to be parted again? No; I no longer find I want to relive that life."

"But you shall, William. Did not the Ki…er…your father…did he not tell you that you shall return to that life after this one, whether you break the curse or not?"

"He did," Darcy confirmed, his gaze drawn outside to the passing scenery. "But it shall not be the life it was. Yes, I will be restored to my former body and power - a feat I previously believed impossible having thought my body long gone - but I have changed and experienced too much to truly return to the carefree life I once lived. There is also the consideration that both my parents will be gone then, as will most, if not all, others I once knew. I will return to that life a stranger, expected to lead a people I have not seen in over a millennia."

"William, you were born to that life. Everything else you have ever experienced is tied to that one life. Although I have only known the truth for less than a day, even I can tell that you are better prepared for your true inheritance than you were before this curse was cast. From what you have told me of your life as a fairy, and what I know of the man sitting in front of me, these experiences can do nothing more than make you a better King just as it has made you a better master. And then there is the matter of Iliana. Can you not truly tell me that all this has allowed you also be a better lover to her?"

Darcy's brows knit in concentration as he considered Fitzwilliam's words. Thoughts of what his father had said the day before flitted across his mind teasing him with the hint of a memory he could not quite grasp hold of. "I will thank him for his interference…" he whispered.

"William?" Fitzwilliam was concerned at the sudden change of Darcy's attitude and he watched as his eyes flew back and forth as though scanning an important document. "William…" he prodded again, and jumped as Darcy suddenly looked up at him with a look of enlightenment in his eyes.

"How have I never seen it before?"

"Seen what? Darcy, I am afraid you have quite lost me."

"This life…my not recognizing her…my failed attempts to apologize…How could I have been so blind and stupid."

Fitzwilliam's eyes grew wide in ever increasing concern. "I do not understand. What exactly have you discovered, or is it a memory?"

Shaking his head fiercely, Darcy replied. "No memory. Not yet. It is there, but just out of reach. You are correct though, all of these lives have been aimed at one thing; my improvement. However, while none of my other lives have been simple, before it has always been too easy compared to this lifetime. The recognition has always been instantaneous, but it was not so the first time we met…"

"Yes, I believe you told me last evening that you initially thought it was her until she turned around."

"No, no. I mean yes, at the assembly…but no…the very first time we met…in the forest with the druids…I did not recognize her as a woman…I insulted her…she at first refused any extension of my apologies…" Darcy looked up at Fitzwilliam expectantly. When he shrugged his shoulders, eyebrows raised in confusion, Darcy scooted forward on the bench, the excitement obvious in his bright blue eyes. "Richard, when I first awoke, the day of my father's death - that is George Darcy - I remember thinking that this was the first time I have found myself heir to a vast estate, almost as if I was finally fulfilling my original duty, that of Prince to King. I searched for five years feeling as though everything was hopeless, much as I had felt before meeting her. And then when I finally met her, I did not recognize her, I insulted her, then instead of apologizing once I realized my mistake, I let my pride get the better of me and continued to insult her. I refused to change and instead moped about what I thought I had lost instead of fighting for her the way I should have. I let others influence her, and myself, instead of pushing through and showing her that I have changed. Because I have changed, I have grown, but I have never shown her that side of me…This life, Richard, my life as Fitzwilliam Darcy, is nothing more than a shadow of my life as Eavan…I've often considered how similar things have been this time around, but I never thought the similarities were important. I think I understand why my father kept me from recognizing her. I messed up the first time around, and I need to take what I know and change that so that I don't make the same mistakes this time. Do you not see, Richard! I have to change what happened, I have to change the past!"

Utterly confused, Fitzwilliam felt stupid as he asked what seemed an obvious question. "William, how can you change the past?"

"I do not know…but I am, in a way, reliving the past even now. Do you not see? The similarities between this life and my original are allowing me a chance to prove that I have changed and will not allow the same tragic end to happen."

Eyes still wide, Fitzwilliam nodded noncommittally. "Umm, I think I understand. But how exactly do you plan to do that if you cannot remember how it ended the first time?"

Darcy leaned back in contemplation. "I may not remember our last day in that life, but I do know that I ignored her warnings. She begged me not to stop her wedding as she feared it would only cost the life of more of her people. But I thought I knew best. I convinced my father to let me attend in an effort to stop it, against his better judgement. Whatever happened, that decision was our undoing, I just know it." He looked up and stared Fitzwilliam in the eye, his own full of steely determination. "Miss Elizabeth berated me quite soundly last evening, and I fully deserved every word she threw at me. I will not ignore her this time. I will take to heart her remonstrations and show her the changed man that I am."

Fitzwilliam felt his face break out in a grin and was pleased to see a matching one appear on Darcy's. "I do believe that you might have just found the key to breaking this curse."

"Do you truly think so?" The hopeful look on his face nearly caused Fitzwilliam to break out laughing.

"William, the question is not whether I think so, but whether you do."

Nodding, Darcy leaned back a look of satisfaction on his face. "Thank you, Richard. I do believe it! And it is all thanks to you that I have achieved this epiphany."

"That is utter nonsense! To be honest, I barely followed your talk these last several minutes, so I do not see how I have been of assistance."

"You might not have understood what I was saying, but it was because of your questioning that I was able to reach the conclusion. Without you, I fear I would have continued to wallow in despair and loneliness and eventually failed all over again. No, Richard, you have been an immense help."

Clapping Darcy on the knee, Fitzwilliam expressed his happiness at being helpful, then sat back with a relaxed smile. Darcy, meanwhile, turned once more to the side, and pulled his feet back up onto the bench, his head falling back against the squabs again with a dreamy look on his face. Fitzwilliam was unable to contain a chuckle at the sight, but Darcy ignored him, a twitch in the corner of his mouth the only indication that he heard. Turning he looked out the window. The next half hour passed in companionable silence until they felt the carriage slow. As they pulled into the yard of the inn, Darcy quickly sat up and adjusted his coat so that when the footman opened the door, he was the picture of a perfect gentleman.

As they entered the inn, Fitzwilliam watched as Darcy approached the innkeeper with a word of greeting, requested a table, in a private room if possible, and then turned to gaze about the room. Although his actions were nothing out of the ordinary from his usual behavior, Fitzwilliam suddenly realized that in the past where he had thought Darcy was looking down on the rest of the occupants with a sense of superiority, Darcy's true feelings were quite the reverse. He continued to watch his cousin as the innkeeper returned, and showed them to their own private parlor. Unsure what to say, he allowed Darcy to order for them both as well as guarantee the best meal available for his men before dismissing the man. Once alone, Darcy placed his hat on the table, removed his greatcoat, and walked over to the window where he looked out. Again, although this exact scenario had played out every time they traveled together, Fitzwilliam saw the reality of Darcy's true feelings for the first time.

"You miss it."

Darcy needed no clarification, so merely nodded his head. After a few minutes of silence, he turned his back to the window, met Fitzwilliam's eyes and quietly spoke. "I know not if I can fully explain it, but yes, I do miss it all. I have never been comfortable with my position in life. People always seeking my attentions to elevate themselves. I do not begrudge others their desire to improve their lives - I have felt the same before - but at the risk of my own trust and happiness I cannot tolerate it. So yes, I miss the ability to enter a crowded inn unnoticed, and find any empty seat with anyone willing to share a meal without worrying about if they will try to gain anything from me. I miss the camaraderie to be found amongst strangers seeking simple comforts. I know very well the speculations that spread anytime a person of wealth enters an inn, I have shared many of my own, and it is this knowledge that makes me uneasy. I try to brush it off, show respect to those who make their livelihood here, but I cannot help but reminisce about the simpler and quieter lives I previously lived."

"I think I can understand that. In many ways, I have experienced the same. Not to the same degree as you," Fitzwilliam quickly added, afraid of offending Darcy who merely shook his head with a small smile. "When I am dressed in my uniform, I am no longer a gentleman, but a lowly soldier. Others around me forget I am the son of an earl, and suddenly they act differently than they do at other times. I will agree, it is quite freeing."

Darcy nodded, then turned back around towards the window. "I suppose you can say that my conversing so freely with those of lower stations is my attempts to seek a bit of that freedom, but I know that I can never succeed in this life. At least I can guarantee that I will never be thought of as anything other than a kind gentleman. It will suffice for now."

At that moment the door opened and a maid brought them a tray of food. Thanking her profusely, both gentleman sat down and enjoyed their meal in silence. When it was time to leave, Darcy pulled the innkeeper aside and personally took care of the payment, as well as praising him for the quality of the meal and cleanliness of his establishment. Although Fitzwilliam had experienced better elsewhere, he watched as the man puffed up with pride and knew that no amount of money could replace the service Darcy had just provided. It made him wonder how many times he had been praised during his lives as innkeepers, if ever. He followed him out to the carriage and listened as Darcy inquired of his men if they were rested and had received enough sustenance. Only after determining that they were truly satisfied did Darcy finally climb into the carriage and Fitzwilliam followed after him.

As they pulled away, both men relaxed once more, Darcy with his legs again propped up on the bench, and Fitzwilliam with his own stretched out towards Darcy's side of the carriage. Once the carriage had gathered up speed, Darcy turned across the way and said, "I know you have other questions, and now would be an ideal time to ask them. To be honest, trusting you with this knowledge has been easier than I expected, but I am unsure if I am ready for others to know. I would hate for something to be said where Georgiana might overhear."

"Have no fear, William, I meant what I said I will never betray your confidence."

"Sorry, Richard…I meant no offense. I know I can trust you fully, it is just…"

"I am not offended," Fitzwilliam hastened to assure him. "I understood exactly what you meant, and find myself in full agreement. While I know Georgiana would keep your secret, I fear that until we have better established how you will break this curse successfully it would be best not to give her reason to worry. It would also not do to excite her in regards to a potential sister when your future is still so undecided."

"Thank you." Darcy's answer, while succinct, was no less heartfelt than any other expressed emotion from that day. However, Fitzwilliam found himself slightly disconcerted as Darcy began to squirm uncomfortably. "While we are on that topic, I feel I should inform you as to the nature of my will." Ignoring Fitzwilliam's protests, Darcy simply continued on a bit louder. "Knowing what you do, it cannot be helped. I had my will written up almost immediately after I regained my memories. In the event Miss Elizabeth and I are unsuccessful, you will inherit full custody of Georgiana. You will be given complete control of Pemberley and all of my other holdings until such a time as Georgiana weds or reaches her majority. Any income generated during that time will be yours to keep and do with as you will, allowing you to permanently retire from the regiment. After Georgiana inherits, you will have the choice of any of the smaller estates to claim as your own."

Fitzwilliam was utterly flabbergasted. "William…that…that is too generous of you. I could never take advantage of your kindness in such a manner."

"Nevertheless it is decided. It is the least I could do for the man I consider my closest friend. This arrangement has been in place for more than five years now, I just never had reason to inform you before now. As it is, I have been patiently waiting for the right moment to inform you that any of my smaller estates are yours the moment you declare your interest in leaving the regiment."

"William, I…"

"Say nothing, Richard. Even before I regained my memories, I hated the idea of you being forced to enter the regiment as your parents are unable to leave you anything with it all being tied up in the earldom. My…umm…situation simply makes it easier for me to justify the gift."

"And if I should die before you?" Fitzwilliam asked, unsure how he felt with this latest knowledge. "After all, I have been deployed twice now, and the war does not seem as though the end is nigh."

"Have you never wondered how you have managed to survive so many near misses on the battlefield?" Darcy's eyebrow was raised and a mischievous smile gave him a slightly roguish look. Fitzwilliam's jaw dropped open as he realized what Darcy was inferring. "It has never been a coincidence that you have returned home both times completely unscathed. I could not bear the thought of losing you. My only regret is that I was unable to protect those you served with; that would have been beyond my limited powers as a mortal. Yet I could guarantee your safety and so I did. Please forgive me for my interference."

Unsure what to say, Fitzwilliam merely shook his head. "I…there is nothing to forgive. You are aware more than most of my fears and experiences. To know that the only reason I am here now is because you cared enough to place a spell of protection…Thank you, William."

"You are certainly most welcome," Darcy replied with a grateful smile. "Now, let us move on from my impending death, and perhaps your other questions might actually help me remember something else that would help."

With a large grin, Fitzwilliam was eager to begin again. "Something that has struck me as odd from the lives you have shared with me, including this one, is the age difference. If you both die around the same time, how is it that several years pass by before your births and reawakening?"

"We have actually pondered that question ourselves. We have never been able to come up with a plausible explanation that…felt right," Darcy answered, his head cocked to the side and brows knit in thought. "But for whomever is oldest, there is generally little wait between death and rebirth. Usually it is only a few months at most, sometimes it has been the same day. Our last life was one of the few exceptions to that rule; we met on a ship to America. She was less than half my age; I was five and thirty, she was barely sixteen. I must say it is quite disconcerting to have a young woman, barely older than a child, insist that you are her long lost lover. The day we died was the twenty-seventh of April in the year 1779."

Darcy watched as Fitzwilliam realized the significance of the date. "That was only days before my parents married. You were not born for another five years!" Darcy nodded his head and continued on.

"Although we have tried many times, neither of us has been able to recollect anything that happens in the time between lives. It is simply death, followed by an awakening. When we awaken, it feels as though we have risen from a dream, as if the fog of our lives has lifted and we can see and feel clearly again. I know Elizabeth Bennet is Iliana. The two are one and the same, and have been the same since the day Miss Elizabeth was born. However, after she awakens, she will feel as though she has stolen Miss Elizabeth's life, as if Miss Elizabeth was an entirely different person. It is how we always feel when we awaken. I cannot express enough the frustration of knowing you have been an entirely different person for the whole of your life, only to discover that that person was nothing more than a dream."

"Such a strange sensation that I cannot even begin to comprehend. And all this you have experienced more than fifty times! It is a wonder you have any sanity left."

Darcy chuckled at this. "To be honest, there are times I cannot comprehend it myself. And as for the time gap…as I said before, never have we settled on a reasonable idea. However, I begin to think of the conversation with my father. He said that he has kept our spirits separate from our natural bodies all this time. I wonder if he has purposefully directed our spirits to those bodies whose lives are destined to intertwine."

Fitzwilliam suddenly grasped onto this information, and leaned forward eagerly. "Do you suppose," he asked, "that your father has the ability to foresee the future?" Seeing Darcy's hesitant nod, he continued. "In that case, is it possible that he has used this ability to look ahead to determine which two lives would give you the best chance at meeting and breaking this curse?"

Darcy's nodding became more energetic as he pondered the suggestion. "It would only make sense, and would actually explain why this life is so similar to our original. Then again…" he trailed off suddenly deep in thought.

"Yes…?" Fitzwilliam prompted, hoping that perhaps this was another breakthrough.

"Iliana came from a troubled family. Her father was a cruel man, power hungry and eager to ignore her unless she was useful to him. Since her mother had died when she was quite young, she would have grown up having never known love if it had not been for her aunt, Lareina, and young cousin. Every life she has lived since then, she has been surrounded by immediate family who never truly cared for her, but was always blessed with a distant relative to make up for the difference. Even now as Miss Elizabeth she has experienced the same. While her father claims she is his favorite, he is pleased to sit back and let her suffer if it means he will be left in peace. Her mother, well the less said of her the better, but suffice it to say that Miss Elizabeth is her least favorite. Of her four sisters, only the eldest shows true affection for her, and I have heard her talk of a beloved aunt and uncle in London. I do have high hopes for the next eldest sister, however, of becoming a loving relative but that could require more time than we might have if progress has not been made already."

"And you? Can I assume that every life has found you with loving parents?" When he heard the answer in the affirmative, Fitzwilliam felt as though they had indeed found another clue. "It sounds to me, William, that if your father is indeed purposefully selecting the bodies he places your spirits with, he is not only choosing those which will give you the best chance at reunion, but also ones who will place you in as similar a family environment as that which you originally came from."

"I agree, but I cannot figure out why."

"William, something happened, you cannot remember what, but your father says you must. Based off of this familial discovery, I would be willing to bet a month's pay that whatever happened has something to do with her family dynamics. The night you last saw Iliana, when she told you she was engaged to the Druid, she said that she was willing to risk everything to protect her loved ones, including her life, but what did you do in return?"

Darcy hung his head in shame as he whispered, "I threw accusations at her."

Nodding sadly, Fitzwilliam looked away. "Eventually you went after her, but you did not support her when she needed it most, when her family was most in need. William, what are the Bennet's most in need of?"

"Security," he answered without hesitation. Throwing his head back he flung an arm up in exasperation. "She was willing to dispose of me simply because she thinks I took that security away from her sister."

"William, I doubt Bingley's sisters were alone in convincing him away from Netherfield."

"I fear you are right. I have been mentally berating him for weeks because of how he treated her, but even Miss Elizabeth has been powerless against my father's influence, and she has magical abilities of her own, buried though they might be. I believe Bingley's abandonment of Jane Bennet was a test for me to overcome, and I failed miserably. I cannot say it will be easy after the way we parted, but I must somehow find a way to fix this, but only if the lady's heart is still open to him. I will not force an unwanted suitor on such a kind soul."

"I do believe that to be a wise course. But will Bingley accept you right now."

"No, I do not believe he will do so willingly, especially if my father has been involved." Sighing heavily, Darcy rubbed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. "I know I will regret this, but I can foresee no means of getting to Bingley without having to go through his sister."

Fitzwilliam shuddered. Darcy had shared many a story of that harpy and her attempts at gaining his attention. The worst was the last visit she had paid Georgiana shortly before they departed for Netherfield. Miss Bingley had discovered Georgiana was in the process of helping to sew new clothes for the orphanage near Pemberley. She had gone on such a tirade about how any needlework beyond a basic embroidery stitch would cause the muscles in a proper lady's hand to permanently seize up inhibiting the ability for any of the other fine accomplishments she must have, including playing the pianoforte. Being still so sensitive after the Wickham debacle, Georgiana had taken the woman's words to heart, and it took Mrs. Annesley a month complete to convince her to complete her work. Having to use Miss Bingley to get through to the brother was not a task he envied his cousin.

Silence reigned once more as both men fell into contemplation. Before long, they began to enter the outskirts of London. While there were other questions Fitzwilliam longed to ask, none of them, he felt, would offer any insight into helping Darcy. So he settled on one that might, at the least, offer a chance for possible entertainment.

"Tell me, William, have you ever encountered friends or family from a previous life? People that you personally knew before?" When Darcy look at him confused, he answered that this question was simply to appease his curiosity.

"In a matter of speaking, yes. I met Queen Elizabeth twice, once as a member of the Lord Chamberlain's Men, and then in the next life as a footman. I have occasionally run into descendants of previous family members, but most were several generations removed. And once I saw a childhood portrait of myself hanging in the halls of one of my masters. However, if we succeed…"

"When!"

"Sorry…when we succeed in this life, Iliana will meet two close acquaintances. Whether the meeting will be pleasant or not for her remains to be seen." As Darcy finished speaking, he refused to look at Fitzwilliam, and he felt even more curious than before.

"You are certain that she will know these two people, yet you have no prior connection to them yourself?"

Darcy nodded. "After I awakened, the recognition was immediate. As they were known from her most recent life, there is little chance of them passing on before her awakening."

Fitzwilliam cocked his head to the side. "The one on the ship to America? Why was it you two were sailing away from England, especially if you did not know each other prior to boarding the ship?"

Darcy smiled as he recollected those events. "I had been a tenant farmer. Worked the same farm that I was born on. Unfortunately after my landlord died, I discovered that his son was a dishonest man. He was stealing from his tenants and treated us abominably. I confronted the man, and was given the option to assist in his evil deeds or leave without a reference."

"And you, of course, chose to leave."

"Yes, I did leave. I could not stand by and be a part of an act so despicable. As my parents had already passed and I was an only child, and unmarried, it was little hardship to pack up my few belongings and leave. Sadly, without a reference, I was unable to find a new tenant farm to lease. So I took the last of my savings and bought a ticket to America in the hopes of finding better prospects in the new land. Shortly after boarding, I ran into a young woman. She was petite and blonde with the greenest eyes I had ever seen. She smiled upon seeing my own face, and threw her arms around me. While I will not deny my initial attraction, I will state again that she was quite young, and, despite her servants clothes, appeared to be from a much higher station than myself. I worried that she was attempting to claim a 'protector' for the trip and I was her unwilling target. I attempted to ignore her, but she followed me everywhere. Not even the captain of the ship was successful in redirecting her attentions.

"One day we were caught in a bad storm. I do not boast when I say that I was quite a bit larger than I am now as a result of years of hard farming. Therefore, when some of the passengers offered to pay me to help secure items in their cabins, I was happy to oblige. I was in between cabins when I saw her. Her hair had come loose and the wet strands were pasted to her face. Despite the rocking of the boat, she had braved the elements to search out blankets for those in steerage. As I watched her, I had the briefest feeling that I had seen her sopping wet before, and my desire to help her suddenly overcame my want of funds. I took a step forward at the same moment that we crested a large wave. She looked my way and our eyes met just as I lost my balance and fell down a flight of stairs. I awakened just before I hit the bottom and fell into a coma.

"For three days I slept, vaguely aware of her presence. We were both shocked that I recovered at all. When I did, we spent all our remaining time together. She told me that she had been forced into an unwanted engagement, and although she had nothing but respect for her betrothed, it was the engagement that awakened her. She had tried everything to talk her father out of the marriage, but he was too thrilled at the prospect of her future husband who had promised him great elevation. Unable to face a future with another, she ran away. It was not until she reached London that she felt herself drawn to the docks and eventually the ship that I had also boarded."

When Darcy did not continue on, he began to tap his foot in impatience. Only when he saw Darcy's lips twitch did he realize that the man was purposefully drawing out the story. Huffing, he crossed his arms and waited. Luckily his wait was not long.

"We thought, being so far away from England, the first time we had ever left her soil, we would be beyond the reach of the curse. When I had been recovered for a week, we approached the captain and asked him to marry us only to discover we were very wrong. The storm happened so suddenly that the crew was unprepared, and the ship was nearly torn apart. Iliana was hit by a falling mast as she shoved the captain aside, saving his life. Afterwards, I threw myself over the edge, clinging onto her lifeless body. The next thing I knew, I was being told that my father, George Darcy, was dead."

Eyes wide, Fitzwilliam asked, "and the ship? Did the rest of those onboard survive?"

"After my awakening, I did some research. The ship did reach America safely the following week. According to the manifest, only two lives were lost that day in the storm: A Mr. Robert Andrews," Darcy hesitated and looked Fitzwilliam deep in the eyes before saying, "and a Miss Eleanor Manning."

Fitzwilliam felt all the blood drain from his face as he stared at Darcy in horror. "No, William, surely you jest. You know that that cannot be possible!"

"I assure you I have told you nothing but the absolute truth."

"But…but…how? How is this possible? Is there another Manning family in England we are unaware of with daughters the same age?"

"No Richard. Iliana was betrothed to your father. She had told me his name while on the ship, and other personal information that no one outside of the family could possibly know. To be honest, I believe I know things about your father he would never wish anyone else to know. Since Lady Catherine married before this time, their meeting in Kent was a first. As for my mother, Anne, I look forward to hearing about her youth from Miss Elizabeth when she awakens."

"Darcy," Fitzwilliam growled in warning, his confusion regarding the situation wearing his patience thin. "Please explain to me, how is it possible that my mother died on that ship with you?"

"I think you know as well as I that she did not. Your mother, the Lady Eleanor Manning Fitzwilliam, Countess of Matlock, is alive and well."

"Then how is this possible? There cannot be two Eleanor Manning's who were both engaged to my father!" He nearly yelled the last, panic threatening to overwhelm him.

"That is because your mother's name is not Eleanor. She was born Miss Emily Manning, Eleanor's identical twin sister."

Fitzwilliam shook his head. "No, mother said her twin sister died of influenza shortly after my parents married."

Unable to bear the look of pity Darcy directed at him, he looked away. "Richard, I am sorry to say that that is simply not true. After Eleanor ran away, their father decided to hide the truth from your father, as he did not want to lose the connection to the Matlock name. Instead, he hid the letter she had written to your father, and convinced Emily, to take her sister's place. Having been envious of Eleanor, she was more than willing to agree. I do not wish to pain you, but you know your mother is not a loving woman. We have both spent many hours discussing her coldness towards your father and his heartbreak at being unable to love her many times. Although he knew the real Eleanor did not love him, they had a good friendship; and had she not been Iliana, they could have had a very happy life.

"It was not until after the wedding had taken place that the family began to suspect something was wrong. In fact, one of my mother's journal entries from that time mentions how differently Eleanor was acting, and how her change in character seemed to coincide with Emily's sudden illness and death. It was not until after your mother gave birth to you, 'the spare,' that she gave her sister's letter to your father and admitted that she was Emily. Unfortunately, at that time there was nothing he could do. She had been living as Eleanor for three years, therefore to suddenly claim otherwise would have created too much of a scandal. Your father has been forced to live with this secret ever since."

Doubling over, Fitzwilliam cradled his head in his hands. He brushed aside Darcy's apology, knowing that he was to blame for demanding the story in the first place. He had never been close to his mother, having always preferred to spend time with his father, but suddenly he wished he did not know his mother at all. However, he finally understood why his father always seemed so powerless against her; she held secrets he did not wish to be shared. While he was glad for Darcy's sake that the real Eleanor had run away, he felt for all the pain that his father had endured, believing he was married to one woman, only to discover he was married to her sister.

Chuckling at the irony of it all, he looked up to see Darcy staring at him in concern. Pulling himself up, he asked, "how did you discover all this when not even I nor my brother are aware?"

"After I awakened and realized the connection, I was confused and needed answers - They truly were identical in all but the eyes, but I suspect your father never saw her after her awakening. - I am not proud of how much magic I had to use to pull the truth from your father. Thankfully he remains ignorant of sharing that knowledge. But it was initially my mother's journals that hinted at the switch. I have kept those particular entries from Georgiana. But even my mother did not know the whole of it. I doubt your parents have told anyone the entire truth."

"Blast it all! She is my aunt! Miss Bennet is my long dead aunt, but should have been my mother!" Ignoring Darcy's growl of warning, Fitzwilliam began laughing a bit hysterically. "I say, William, your wedding should prove to be an interesting family reunion…a bit awkward if I do say so myself. Oh and Christmases…huh…and a close tie to a previous life has never happened before?" Eyeing Fitzwilliam with concern, Darcy confirmed that this was indeed a first for them. "Well then…there must always be a first for everything. But how am I to face my mother knowing she has been living a lie all these years…poor Father…"

"Richard, are you certain you are well?"

"Yes, yes…I will be fine. Was it this much of a shock to you as well?"

"I will admit I struggled, especially when Uncle confessed how much he cared for her."

"I am sorry, William. It must be hard for you every time you look upon my mother knowing her to look exactly like Iliana did."

Expressing his thanks, Darcy straightened his coat as he sat straight once again. "I cannot deny the past five years have been difficult every time we met, but it shall be different from now on. I have yet to meet your parents since finding her again, and this time it is not the memory of a past life that will haunt me, but the image of the present."

At that moment, the carriage began to slow as it pulled up in front of Darcy house. They could see Georgiana standing upon the steps, a look of eager anticipation on her face. With a grin, Fitzwilliam turned to see Darcy taking a deep breath as though to fortify himself. "Have no fear, William," he found himself saying. "She shall not notice any difference in you, and might actually be of some assistance to us."

"How can she when I dare not tell her the truth?" Darcy replied, a slight tremble in his voice.

"She need not know about your past, but I believe you both can benefit from her knowing about your present." Upon seeing Darcy's confused face, Fitzwilliam explained. "We both have written to her of seeing Miss Elizabeth in Kent, and I know you wrote about her during your stay in Hertfordshire. Tell Georgiana that you fell in love with her, but she rejected your proposal." Not giving Darcy a chance to voice his protest, he hurried on. "Tell her you were refused due to a misunderstanding, and you desire to rectify it and win her heart. I am sure she would be willing to brave the viper in your stead if reconciling with Bingley will help her gain the sister she has always dreamt of."

A broad smile broke out on Darcy's face and with a nod, the two cousins disembarked the carriage and hurried towards the welcoming embrace Georgiana offered them both.


AN: 22.6.21 Well...I hope you all enjoyed this fun little chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. After Hunsford and the reveal of the watcher, I felt we needed a little lightheartedness, plus this was the perfect opportunity to answer several questions that have been asked by many readers over the years. As with many of the backstories previously included, the identity of the young heiress from the Prologue has been planned from the very beginning. I just had to wait until the right time to share it! Anyway, I hope sharing a bit more of his past lives has helped ease some of the curiosity many of you have expressed. Next it is off to ... as we ... so that ... haha ;) Sorry, you won't be getting any spoilers out of me today! So...
Happy Reading! Love, Allahteeah