"A place where every word that you say, can save my life"

Warning: Dark and tw


21: Save my life


Peter sighed quietly as he sat down on the edge of Edmund's bed, placing his hand gently on his brothers shoulder, being extremely careful not to wake him.

Edmund was absolutely exhausted recently, having not been sleeping well at all due to nightmares... nightmares about the white witch to be specific.

It had been perhaps five weeks since the witch had been killed by Aslan, and Edmund's dreams had stopped for a while after, but in the last few days they'd come back, causing Edmund a lot of stress and fear... fear that Peter could clearly see in his eyes every second he was awake.

Peter knew Edmund was gonna dream tonight, which is why he'd decided to join him, waiting patiently for his nightmares to begin, and he didn't have to wait long at all.

Within ten minutes Edmund was tossing his head back and forth, mumbling nonsense under breath as tears began to make their way slowly down his cheeks.

"Ed?" Peter murmered, reaching up to run a hand through his younger brothers hair. "Ed it's okay." He whispered. "It's only a dream, I promise."

Edmund seemed to calm down a little after this, but only for a short while. Before Peter knew it, his little brother was thrashing against the blankets, crying out as tears streamed down his cheeks, scaring Peter half to death.

"Edmund!" Peter cried. "Ed wake up! It's a dream Eddy! Come on, wake up!"

It took atleast a minute, but eventually Edmund's eyes snapped open and he sat bolt upright, a strangled gasp escaping from his lips before he could stop it.

"Ed." Peter choked out, pulling his brother as close to him as he could and hugging him just as tightly.

Edmund seemed too scared to move, so he just sat there, rigid and gasping, his eyes wide and forehead sweaty.

"Ed it's me." Peter whispered in his ear, his hand continuously running through his hair. "Its Peter, you're safe. It was only a dream, just a dream. I promise. You're safe, shes dead Edmund, dead."

He continued muttering under his breath until Edmund finally relaxed into his arms, his breathing going back to normal and his tears slowing, burying his face against Peter's chest. "I'm so sorry." He choked out, voice barely about a whisper.

Peter sighed. "What are you sorry for?" He murmered, looking slightly concerned.

Edmund forced back a sob. "For what I did." He choked out, shaking his head slightly.

Peter swallowed hard. "It's in the past Eddy." He mumbled. "We've all forgiven you, and it wasn't all your fault."

"It was!" Edmund sobbed. "I wish I could take it back, but I can't! I betrayed my own family! What kind of person does that make me?!"

"Ed please calm down." Peter sighed. "We've been over this conversation at least three times already, please let's not discuss it in the middle of the night, you're tired and need to get back to sleep."

Edmund shook his head slowly, even as his eyes drooped. "I - I can't do this." He choked out, forcing himself to stay awake. "I can't do it anymore."

"Yes you can." Peter whispered, voice quiet.

"N - no." Edmund whispered. "I can't." And with that, he dropped off to sleep, his head falling to rest against Peter's stomach.

Peter sighed sadly, placing a hand on the top of his brothers head, running his hands through the black strands.

"I know you can." He whispered, before he rested back against the headboard, Edmund's head falling into his lap, and eventually drifted off to sleep himself.


The next morning, Peter woke to find himself still in his brothers bed, still sat up... but with no Edmund.

He blinked in the sun shining through the curtains, allowing himself to wake up properly before glancing across the room.

Strange, Edmund was nowhere to be seen, and he never woke before Peter, especially the morning after a nightmare.

Rubbing at his eyes, Peter stood from the bed and quickly got changed, grabbing his crown and his sword before heading down to the dining room, figuring Edmund was probably there eating breakfast.

But when he found only Susan and Lucy he started to get a little worried. "You haven't seen Ed this morning have you?" He asked as he took a seat beside Lucy.

Susan smiled at him. "He said he was going out for an early ride." She told him gently.

Peter frowned deeper. Edmund went for a ride, the morning after a nightmare, when he was absolutely exhausted and probably too scared to go anywhere on his own?

"What?" Lucy asked, seeing Peter's frown.

Peter glanced down at her, slowly shaking his head. "Nothing." He said quietly, before standing again. "I think I might go and join him."

"You don't want any breakfast?" Susan questioned.

"I'll have something when I get back." Peter said, leaving the room straight after, determined to find Edmund as quickly as he could, because none of this made any sense.

He hurried down to the stables, climbing up onto his horse and not bothering with a saddle, before freezing. "Philip?!"

The horse turned around to look at him, bowing his head. "Your majesty." He said slowly.

Peter didn't know what to say for a long while before he eventually pulled himself together. "Where's Edmund?" He asked.

"I do not know." Philip replied. "I haven't seen him today."

"What?" Peter whispered, frowning deeply. Why would Edmund lie? Why would he say he was going for a ride if he wasn't. "He hasn't been down here at all today?" He asked.

Philip shook his head. "No." He answered simply.

Peter took a deep breath. "Thanks." He muttered, before he and his horse left the stables, heading for the woods.

"What are you up to Ed?" He murmered to himself.

He wanted to tell himself that Edmund had just gone for a walk to clear his head after his dream last night, but the fact that Edmund had lied about going for a ride made him worried... extremely worried.

He obviously didn't want anyone coming after him, and this scared Peter... what was he hiding?

It took him a lot longer than he would've liked, but he eventually found his brother, sat with his back to Peter at the edge of a river, leaning slightly forward and obviously holding something in his hands, causing Peter to frown a little.

He brought his horse to a stop and quietly climbed down, giving it a pat on the neck before slowly walking towards his brother. "Ed?" He asked slowly.

Edmund's whole body went rigid at the sound of the voice, and he took a deep, shaky breath a second later.

"Ed why did you lie?" Peter asked, stopping just behind his brother, concern in his voice and on his face. "Why did you say you were going for a ride?"

"So - So you wouldn't follow me." Edmund whispered suddenly.

Peter frowned. "Why didn't you want to be followed?" He questioned.

Edmund sighed and slowly turned around, standing hesitantly and watching as Peter's eyes went wide. "Dont come a step closer." Edmund warned suddenly.

Peter's heart pounded in his chest and he swallowed hard. "Ed?" He almost whispered, unable to take his eyes off the knife Edmund was currently holding to his own chest. "What - what are you doing?"

"I can't do it anymore." Edmund choked. "I told you that last night."

Peter stared at him for a moment or two before taking a step forward.

"No!" Edmund cried, pushing down slightly on the dagger.

"Stop!" Peter shouted, panic in his voice as he took a good few steps back. "I won't come any closer." He said, holding out his hands in front of him as if to prove a point. "Just please Edmund, drop the knife."

Edmund shook his head firmly. "No." He choked, his grip getting tighter around the handle.

Peter took a deep breath. "Why?" He whispered. "Just because you cant handle it anymore?"

"Its not just because of that." Edmund forced out, tears filling his eyes. "I deserve it, the witch said herself that I deserve to die, multiple times actually."

Peter's heart pounded. "She lied Edmund." He said slowly. "You do not deserve to die."

"I betrayed you!" Edmund sobbed. "I nearly killed you all, and yet everyone seems to act like it's no big deal!"

"Listen Ed." Peter said. "If you want me to say it was a big deal what you did, then I will. But we forgave you-"

"Why?!" Edmund cried. "You had absolutely no reason to!"

"You taking a stab wound for me was a good enough reason." Peter whispered gently, although he knew his voice shook.

Edmund blinked at him. "It will never be enough." He choked out after a while.

"Ed you nearly died." Peter murmered, trying to stay strong despite the intense fear he felt everytime he glanced down at the knife Edmund held to his chest. "You nearly died, saving me, if that isn't a good enough reason for me to forgive you, then I have no idea what is."

Edmund let out a quiet sob. "I can never forgive myself for what I did." He choked out. "The guilt is suffocating Peter! It physically hurts! I can't do it anymore!"

"Then let me help you." Peter tried, managing to just about stay calm. "Surely this isn't the only option, I'm here to help you Ed, you'll make it through this."

"No." Edmund choked, tears streaming down his cheeks. "No one can help, it's too much. The guilt is like carrying around a bag full of rocks, that's how heavy it is-"

"I can help you Ed!" Peter tried, desperate now. "Please let me help you."

"I already told you." Edmund cried. "No one can help me. No one should help me because I deserve all this, I deserve all of what she did to me."

"Surely you cant really mean that?" Peter choked. "Ed, I have no idea what she did to you, but I do know you didn't deserve any of it. You didn't deserve that split lip, let alone anything else."

"You wanna know what she did?!" Edmund cried out, causing Peter's heart to skip a beat. "She tortured me Peter, interrogated me! It was hours upon hours of agony. You saw the lashes yes, but you have no idea of the full extent. I screamed myself hoarse, begged her to stop... but she wouldn't, all she wanted from me was your location, but I wasn't going to give it to her-"

"Exactly!" Peter interrupted, horrified at what Edmund had just said but pushing it aside for now. "You, even in that much pain, refused to tell her what she wanted, refused to tell her where we were, that's got to count for something, right?"

Edmund laughed mockingly through his tears. "That's the thing." He choked. "I told her eventually, it may not of been during the torture, but I still told her."

"You were scared Edmund." Peter tried, feeling sick with fear when his brother gripped the knife handle even tighter, Peter seeing his knuckles go a shade whiter as he did. "And no one can blame you, even I'd be scared if I was with the witch after being tortured by her, but please Ed, it wasn't your fault."

"That's what everyone keeps saying, and I don't get it!" Edmund choked. "I was an absolute beast before Narnia, and theres absolutely no excuse for that. Then when I found Narnia, a place where I had an opportunity to start over, I ruin it by betraying my own siblings! What kind of brother does that make me?!"

"Ed, you are the best brother anyone could ever ask for." Peter said slowly, managing to take a step forward without Edmund noticing. "You're my baby brother, you always will be, and I love you."

Edmund stared at him, shaking his head slowly back and forth as he trembled.

"Yes Ed." Peter said before Edmund could open his mouth again. "I love you, and with good reason. Just hear me out okay? Before Narnia, yes you were a beast, yes you got a little annoying sometimes, and yes you made me angry, but you definitely had an excuse. Ed, your own Dad went to fight in a war, you had no idea when you were gonna see him again or if you were gonna see him again, and you coped with that fear in your own way-"

"He was your Dad too!" Edmund snapped, the tears still rolling down his cheeks. "Yet you seemed to do a much better job at coping."

"But you're not me Ed! You're not me and I'm not you." Peter said quickly. "You dealt with it in the only way you knew how. Ed you've always hidden your emotions, covered them with something, this time it just unfortunately happened to be spite, but I dont blame you, not anymore."

"Even if my behaviour before Narnia wasn't my fault, I still betrayed you!" Edmund said, voice desperate.

"Because you were hurting Ed." Peter said, his hands still held out in front of him as he spoke. "And I definitely did not help. Instead of trying to help you, I just pushed you away and treated you like a little kid, I acted like Dad, and I see now how much that affected you. I can only say sorry now, but I myself will never forgive myself for what happened."

Edmund shook his head. "It wasn't your fault." He whispered, shocked.

Peter let out a shaky breath before continuing. "Perhaps if I had just shown you the love you so clearly needed, you wouldn't of gone to the witch." He said sadly. "I could've protected you Eddy, but instead I pushed you so far away it ended up with you being captured."

Edmund shuddered at the very word, but still shook his head. "All this cant help me deal with it." He choked. "Its too much!"

"We'll work through this together okay?" Peter said gently. "Every morning, and every night, we'll talk, I'll help you get through this, I'll do anything I have to to help you see that you have no one to blame but the witch, and I will not stop until you see that."

"I'll never see it." Edmund choked.

"But that doesn't mean we can't try." Peter breathed, before swallowing hard.

This wasn't going anywhere, and Edmund was still holding the knife to his chest, so Peter tried something different.

"Okay listen to me and listen closely." Peter said hesitantly. "You - you have so, so much to live for Ed. You have a family, a kingdom, Aslan, if you do this then that will all be gone. Think of the girls Ed, what do you think they'd say if they were here right now? They'd beg you not to do it wouldn't they?"

When Edmund didn't answer Peter sighed and continued. "They'd beg you not to because they love you. They love you with all their heart because you're their brother. You know they both forgave you the second you arrived at Aslan's camp, you know they love you, and you love them. So why leave them behind? Why do this to yourself and leave them heartbroken?"

Edmund still didn't say anything, but he was shaking a little harder than he was thirty seconds ago.

"And Ed, I love you." Peter choked. "You're my little brother and I would do anything for you, anything. I would grab that dagger and shove it though my own heart if it spared you." He paused for a moment, before taking his sword from his sheath. "Listen," He breathed. "If - If you stab yourself with that dagger, then I-" He paused and pressed the tip of his sword to his own chest. "Then I will do the same, because life without you Ed, just isn't worth living."

Edmund's eyes went insanely wide. "What?" He choked.

"I meant what I just said." Peter said sincerely, not moving his sword an inch. "Life without you just wouldn't be worth it Ed. You're my world, my everything. You're my brother who I swore to protect, my rock. I wouldn't be able to do anything without you. You're the one who convinced me to lead the battle, you are my strength Edmund, and I would not be able to live without you." He paused for a moment before continuing. "You are loved Eddy, loved by so many people, me included. I love you with everything I have, I don't care what you've done in the past, because that's just what it is, the past. We can't go back and change it, but we can start right where we are, right here, and change the future. A future with you in it, where you're alive and happy and free. You won't feel this way forever Ed, because I am going to help you through it, but I can only do that if you let me. Let me help Ed, I know you've never let anyone help you before, you've always said you don't need any help. But in this situation I think we both know how much help you actually need, and I am willing to give you all of it and more, but you have to let me first. Edmund, you have to drop that dagger, you have to give us a chance to work through this, you have to give me a chance to show you how loved you are, how wanted you are Ed, because you are wanted, by more people than your own family. We love you Ed, I love you, and nothing, nothing you do will ever destroy that love... I promise."

Edmund was sobbing uncontrollably by this point, and to Peter's utter relief, the dagger he was holding fell from his fingers and landed on the floor with a loud thud, followed by Edmund, who sunk to his knees and leant forward, breathing heavy and tears streaming down his cheeks.

Peter dropped his sword and ran over, falling to his knees at Edmund's side and pulling him as close as he could, placing soothing kisses to the top of his head and running a hand gently through his hair.

"I - I'm s- so s - sorry." Edmund gasped between sobs, finding it hard to breathe properly.

Peter shook his head. "You don't need to apologise Ed." He whispered in his ear. "Everything's okay, you're absolutely fine. I do not blame you in the slightest, I promise. You're alright, you're fine, and I mean that."

Edmund gasped for air, leaning heavily against Peter as his older brother started gently rubbing his chest. "Breathe." He murmered, his cheek resting on the top of Edmund's head. "Shhh, calm down. I've got you and I am never letting go, I promise. Never Ed... never. Just breathe, you can do it, calm down and breathe."

It took much longer than Peter would've liked, but eventually Edmund collapsed against him, breathing even even as the tears still ran down his cheeks, but at least he could breathe now. "There you go." Peter whispered, still rubbing his chest and finding himself unable to stop.

It was only then that he realised he was actually crying, and he had no doubt he'd been doing so since long before his little monologue. He forced back anymore tears and hugged Edmund close to him, placing a kiss to the side of his head.

Edmund curled into his arms, resting his head against his chest and just sat there until he fell into a deep sleep, completely exhausted and utterly drained.

Peter sat there for ages, content to have Edmund in his arms and alive. But when it began to rain, he decided it was probably time to head home.

He glanced down at his fast asleep brother, a faint smile appearing on his face. "Come on Ed." He whispered. "Let's go home."


Well that broke my heart to write :(

I was thinking of maybe doing a part two but that's up to you guys, so let me know if you all want a second part.

and I am still working on that Peter one, that should hopefully be out soon xx