After a relatively quiet ride back to the apartment, the pair of them went upstairs and entered their place. Jay looked around and was surprised to see nothing had changed, he was still in a daze so when Erin asked if he wanted a coffee, he just nodded and went to sit down on the couch. She was worried about him, she hadn't ever seen him this disassociated, he was a shell of himself and she hoped they could start to get back on track. She quickly made them coffees and went to sit with him on the couch.

"Now we are alone, tell me what's going on," Erin said.

He sighed and rubbed his face with his hands - something she'd noticed he had begun doing more and more - signalling he was trying to stay awake, "I've not been sleeping. I'm having the worst nightmares and I've even had a few really bad PTSD episodes..." he begun before relaying all the information he had told Hank this morning in his office. Erin's heart was breaking as she heard of his struggles and saw the tears in his eyes begin to fall. Seeing him cry was heartbreaking - she had only seen him cry once in the four years she had known him and that was when she found him in the locker room after Terry had died. She felt bad that he felt he couldn't reach out to her for any help. "I just want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for coming and going - I did the one thing I promised not to do."

"Why did you leave?" She asked and there was no accusatory tone in her voice, holding back tears of her own.

He wiped his eyes and sighed, knowing he had to be straight with her, "I didn't want to burden you. I have a lot of unresolved issues from the army and Abby coming back bought a lot of them to the forefront of my mind. How could I come home to you while I was still fucking married? I felt dirty and I am disgusted in myself and how I acted when I came home," he explained, but he couldn't look at her, "It turns out, she always liked me and wanted us to be together, that was why she didn't sign the papers back then. I don't even know why it happened - I didn't even really like her that much. I sound like a complete and utter pig but I was grieving. I was drunk and I'd popped a few hydrocodone throughout the day to get me through. I couldn't even remember what happened until the next morning, I regretted it immediately and signed the papers and fucked off out of there. All I could think about was how much my mom would be disappointed in me - I mean, I know I'm not a practicing Catholic - but she took her faith seriously. Me getting married as a joke while high as a kite? Shameful."

"You were grieving, I get it," she said, reaching out and holding his hand.

He just nodded, and finally looked her in the eyes, "You shouldn't have to understand. I never should've done it. I spoke to her a few weeks ago and signed the papers. I filed them myself - I'm no longer married to her."

This shocked Erin, he hadn't told her this before, "So why didn't you come home then?" She wasn't judging, she was just shocked that he'd literally got a divorce and hadn't told her.

"The nightmares and the PTSD were - are still so out of control, I was scared of hurting you. So, I figured, join a support group and get better and just come home. But it didn't work. It actually triggered me more in some ways and it made it worse. I didn't know what to do, so I just sit up and watch documentaries and go running. Some mornings it's like 13 miles before 6am. Anything to just keep me awake because I'm scared," he finally admitted.

"Hey, it's okay. I wish you'd let me help, but I understand. You needed time to work through it yourself. What do you feel about talking to Dr Charles?" She suggested, "You know how much he helped me after my... sabbatical."

Jay nodded, "Yeah, I think that will help. I am ready to start talking to someone. I'm so sorry - for everything."

She shook her head, "Stop apologising. You're here now and we will work through it together. Now, I know we need to talk much more, but I know you're tired and you need sleep. Obviously you're not ready to go to sleep yet, so how about we sit and watch one of your animal documentaries that are cluttering up the recordings? Then we can go to bed and you can get some sleep?" She suggested.

He nodded and squeezed her hand, "Thank you. I think that'll help."

"That's why you have backup," she replied, as she grabbed the remote to put a documentary on.


Once the documentary had finished, Jay turned off the telly and they both went into the bedroom. Jay grabbed some shorts out of his drawer while Erin got changed into something more comfortable - which happened to be one of Jay's henley's and a pair of sweats. Once he really took in the room, he saw Erin was sleeping with her six pillows again. Erin came back out of the bathroom and saw him staring at the bed, "I just missed you, so I had to get them out again," she explained, and saw the hurt in his face, "It's okay, you're here now. Don't worry about it." She grabbed the pillows and threw them on the floor and got into her, "Come on."

He finally snapped out of his daze and got into bed, he saw her open up her arms for him to lie on her rather than the other way round. He rolled over to her and put his head on her chest and cuddled into her. One of his hands sat underneath her t-shirt (it was something he did to ground himself). She began running her hand through his hair repeatedly, "My mom used to do this with my hair when I was ill or scared, too," He quietly admitted.

"I'm not going anywhere, you get some sleep. I'll be here to remind you where you are if your nightmares come. I've got you," she whispered, placing a kiss on the top of his head before continuing to stroke his hair. It wasn't long before he felt him get heavier, and his breathing begin to even out. She wasn't shocked because he was obviously exhausted. She wasn't tired so didn't try and go to sleep. She grabbed the remote and turned on the telly in the bedroom and put it on low. She also decided to text Will letting him know that Jay is safe, and is staying with her so won't be at his tonight so he shouldn't worry. Will text back very quickly expressing his thanks and how glad he was that Jay was finally trying to get his head in order. She couldn't help but feel bad about letting Jay spiral for so long. She'd known he had been bad, but he also hurt her too. She knew they needed to talk more about it - but for today, she was just going to focus on Jay finally getting some sleep. She couldn't believe some of the issues he had the past 9 weeks - including what he told her about the sleeping pills and how he slept through the nightmares and feeling worse. What she didn't tell him is that she knew all too well how that felt like. One time as a teenager, she was prescribed sleeping pills after the Charlie saga once she moved into Voight's. She tried them and ended up worse, so she completely understood where Jay was coming from. She was definitely very worried about him, she just hoped these next three days would help him come to terms with what he was going through.

He slept for three hours before a nightmare started, he begun to get restless and mumbling Mouse's name. Her heart broke for him, she gently spoke to him to try and coax him awake. He sat bolt upright, breathing heavily, "I- I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's okay, you're safe. I'll go and get you a drink," she whispered, gently getting out of bed and getting him a glass of water. When she returned, she saw he had relaxed a little bit and didn't seem as tense.

"Thanks," he replied, taking the glass of water from her hands. He downed it quickly and placed on his bedside cabinet.

"No problem," she replied, lying back down and he joined her. She felt that his heart was still racing, but didn't want to make him talk about it, so she decided to try something new. Talk about something funny to take his mind off of it, "Did I ever tell you about the time I ran an illegal shop in St. Ignatius?"

Jay looked up, "What? No?"

She smirked, "Lie back down and I'll tell you," she said as he lay his head back on her chest, "So, I knew a guy - yes, Jay, you're not the only one with connections. But anyway, he used to work in a sweet factory, so he used to get loads for free and he gave them to me. So, I started up a shop from my locker and sold all these chocolate bars and bags of sweets for 25 cents cheaper than the canteen."

"Wow, using your initiative there," Jay laughed.

"Yeah, so anyway. I made like $350 in my first week of doing it. It was a real money maker - and I didn't know why until later on. Anyway, Stephanie - one of the girls I told you about - thought I was dealing drugs. I mean, it's not that much of a stretch seeing where I came from. So she grassed me up to her personal tutor, who escalated it to the head."

"What a cow," Jay shook his head.

Erin smirked, her tactic seemed to be working, "I know! So anyway, the police came with drug dogs to search my locker. So, the dog starts barking..."

"What?! She planted something?"

"That's what I thought - I thought they'd planted something in my locker. But, turns out the dog was barking at the locker next to mine. They opened it up and there was six 10 bags of weed!" She exclaimed.

"Shit..."

"You've not heard the best bit yet. It was Stephanie's boyfriend's locker! He was the dealer for the school! He was expelled immediately - there was no budging," she explained.

"So what happened to your little business?" He asked.

"Well, it went down hill seeing as the school's weed dealer had been expelled so no one was overly desperate for sweets with the munchies. I still made enough though, I bought myself all new clothes - including that red leather jacket I still wear. Voight was suspicious, he thought I was... well, back in my old ways. He was this close to kicking me out but when I came clean and told him he lost it. Never seen him laugh so much in my life. He said he was proud of me," she laughed.

Jay chuckled, "Wow. That is quite the story," he said. The pair went quiet for a bit, Erin resumed running her hand through his hair. She thought he was falling asleep, but he whispered, "Thank you." He knew what she'd done - she had taken his mind off of his nightmare by telling him a random story and he was so grateful to have her in his life.

"Not a problem. Now get some more sleep, I'll be here," she replied. It wasn't long before he fell asleep again and she joined him in the land of nod not long after.


Erin woke up and saw that Jay was awake, propped up on his elbow and watching her, "Creep." She mumbled and Jay just chuckled. She rolled over and rubbed her eyes and spotted the clock and was shocked, "Wow. Can't believe it is half eight already. Did you sleep ok?"

"Yeah, I did thanks. I seemed to have slept right through these past few hours. I still feel tired though but not enough to go back to sleep," he replied.

"How about we go order a pizza and catch up on some tv?" She suggested, knowing he probably wouldn't want to walk much again tonight.

Jay nodded, "Yeah, sounds good. I'm going to grab a quick shower though, is that alright?"

"Course it is," she replied. They both got out of bed and went and got sorted.

Erin had ordered the pizza and checked her phone. There was two texts she'd received, one from Adam: dropped car off just now & keys r in letterbox. Hope Halstead is ok.

She quickly replied: Thanks, Ruzek. We will be back Thursday. Hope work isn't too rough without us!

The second text as from Voight: How is he?

She immediately replied: he's slept a bit during the day and seems less tense. He's a work in progress. Will keep you updated.

She didn't exactly want to tell Voight everything over text - or at all. It wasn't her problem to talk about, so she thought a vague yet encouraging response would be best. Just as she had sent the final text, Jay walked out of the bedroom, dressed in his shorts and a tank top.

"I'm sorry, Erin." He said, as he sat down next to her on the couch.

"Don't be. Don't apologise for what you're going through," she replied, "What you're going through is real and I am here to help you carry your load whenever you need it. The pizza should be here soon, I was thinking we could sit, eat pizza, drink some beer and catch up on Grey's anatomy, we have about 6 episodes to watch. I haven't been able to watch it without you," she instantly saw the regret on his face and anticipated he was about to apologise so she stopped him, "Don't apologise again."

"I've not watched it either. Nina watches it and if ever I was home when she was catching up, I used to go to the gym, or for runs or out drinking in the dive bar on their street. I'm intrigued to see what has happened. I also couldn't watch it without you," he said, knowing that this show was their thing.

They were interrupted by a knock on the door, and Erin went and got the pizza while Jay got two beers out of the fridge.

"Voight text me before by the way, asking how you are. I know you don't believe me, but he does actually like you," Erin told him as she sat back down with the pizza.

"Wow, Voight is such a dad," he laughed and Erin just rolled her eyes and turned on the tv.

They watched greys anatomy until 3 in the morning. Once they finished their catch up, they both went to bed. Even though he had slept a lot throughout the day, Jay was still exhausted. The past 9 weeks had been rough on him - he was ready to hopefully catch up on some sleep. Once in bed, Erin snuggled up to him, "Thank you, for everything," he whispered once they'd got comfortable.

"That's why you have backup," she replied, sleepily. He squeezed her arm before finally succumbing to sleep.

AN: Thank you all so much for the feedback on the first chapter of this! It made my week! Probs would've updated this sooner but I was too busy trying to get this AU sorted out that I completely forgot to read through this chapter until now hahah. Oh well - it's up now. Hoping to get some more of this AU written this weekend so I can hopefully start posting that sooner rather than later - it's harder than I thought so it's taking longer than I had wanted! Let us know what you thought :)