After a generally peaceful nights sleep, Erin and Jay felt good about going back to work today. Jay felt like he finally had his head on straight. He and Erin had gone about their usual work morning routine - where he had gone on a morning run while she slept for a little bit longer and then got a shower so she would be ready on time. He got back to a freshly brewed coffee which he drank quickly before getting himself showered and ready for the day. They quickly ate some toast before leaving. Their morning went as normal as any other morning and Jay couldn't feel any happier. Their witty banter was back and he gave her a final kiss before they walked into the precinct together. As they walked through the front doors, Jay chuckled at something Erin had said (God Erin loved his chuckle).
"Erin!" Platt said, in a happy tone of voice.
"Chuckles." She said, bluntly.
Jay rolled his eyes, "How many times Sarg, its Detective Chuckles," He grumbled, "Wait, you haven't called me that in what feels like forever. I thought you'd finally stopped."
"Well, Detective Chuckles, you haven't been very chuckly for the past few months so it wasn't appropriate," She explained, "BUT, give a man the flu and he's back chuckling away."
Jay suddenly felt a little bit awkward and forced out a laugh, "I need to go and talk to Voight," He said, looking at Erin.
She squeezed his bicep, "Okay, I'll meet you up there," she replied and watched him walk away.
"So, Chuckles seems better," Platt observed, pointing out the obvious.
Erin nodded, "Yeah, he's getting there. Theres still a lot of things he needs to figure out, but he's just taking it one day at a time."
"You know, I'm glad. If you tell him I said this, I will have you writing parking tickets for the next month, but I have been really worried about him. It hasn't been the same these past couple of months, I was worried he wasn't going to make it out of his hole," She said, sincerely, "Are you okay?"
Erin nodded, "Don't worry, your secret is safe with me. But, yeah, I'm fine. We are both feeling better after our awful bout of flu so we are finally back on track. Sorry Sarg, I've got to go. Voight should be briefing us any minute and he hates it when I'm late," Erin laughed, rolling her eyes.
"Okay, see you later, Kid," Platt replied as she watched her walk up the stairs to the bullpen. She was so glad that the pair of them had managed to sort out whatever was going on, it had been hard for her to see them both being so miserable over the past couple of months. She was extremely worried about how Jay had been acting - it was like he had been on autopilot the whole time and not really living. She was happy that Hank seemed to have finally gotten involved (something he had swore to her and Al when he gave their relationship the ok that he would never do) and kick them both up the backside to try and get this sorted out. She just hoped this was a fresh start for the pair and that the dynamics in intelligence could go back to normal. Being on the front desk meant that she saw everything that went on between all of intelligence and these past couple of months - something had definitely been off.
Jay walked up the stairs and was very grateful that no one was there yet. He walked up to Voight's office and knocked on the opened door, "Hey, Sarg. Can I talk to you for a minute?" Hank looked up and nodded for him to come in. Jay shut the door behind him and took a seat on one of the chairs facing Voight, "Look, I am sorry," He began and saw that Hank was about to interrupt, "No, I mean it. Everything I have done these last couple of months has not been in the best interest of the unit. I really should've got help sooner. I've been a liability and I know that my actions would've put someone in danger sooner or later. I think I finally have a decent enough plan of action in place."
"What's that?" Hank asked, leaning back in his chair and looking at Jay expectantly.
Jay rubbed his face and sighed, "I am going to therapy - with Dr. Charles. I booked an appointment for Monday lunch - but I think I am going to need some extra time on my lunch hour as the initial appointment will probably last 45 minutes to an hour," He explained.
Hank nodded, "That's fine. Thank you for letting me know. So, how are you doing?"
"I'm fine - and I really do mean it this time. I feel like I am closer to being back to my normal self than I was on Monday. I just want to thank you for giving me and Erin that time off, we really needed it. I have mostly slept this past three days and slept more in the past seventy two hours than I have in the past two weeks. I'm not naive in thinking I'm 100% yet, but I am getting there," Jay informed him.
"Glad to hear that. So, I take it you need to update your official contact information?" Hank asked.
"What?"
"Your address; it's still down as Will and Nina's," Hank laughed.
"Oh yeah! I'll update that when I log on later," He replied, but his face went serious again, "I Just want to say sorry again, for everything. My head is now fully back in the game."
"You don't need to keep apologising," Hank said, "Mental health issues, especially relating to your PTSD are real and it's not easy admitting you need help. I am just glad that you are finally getting the help that you need."
"Thanks Sarg. But also, thanks again or everything you've done for me and Erin these past few days. You've no idea how much I appreciate it."
"Say no more about it. Now go and get yourself ready for the day. I'm going to brief everyone in ten," Hank told him.
Jay nodded and got up to leave the office. As he left he saw that Al was now here - he didn't say anything, he just nodded at him and went into the break room.
Erin was waiting for the coffee to brew and felt Jay's presence so turned around, "Hey, how did it go with you and Hank?"
He smiled, "It went good, thanks. I'm all sorted for Monday. So, how was it with Platt?"
"She was fine. Her usual self with me," She laughed as Jay rolled his eyes, "She was just wondering how you were after your little bout of flu. I think she's glad you're back - she has missed winding you up."
Jay just chuckled and passed Erin his coffee mug for her to fill up.
"You know, it's nice hearing you laugh again," She sighed, turning to face him properly, leaning her hip against the counter.
He reached out and held her hand on the counter, "It's nice to have something to laugh about again," He said, sincerely.
"Just let me know if you need me to do anything to make this all easier for you," She said, sincerely.
He smiled at her, his eyes were full of love, "You're already doing enough, thank you," He whispered and leant in to kiss her lips chastely.
A throat clears from behind them and they pull apart, "Sorry, just need a cup of coffee before the morning briefing," Kevin said to them both, walking into the break room, "Glad you're both… back?"
Erin chuckled, "Cheers, Kev," She said as she left the break room to go to her desk to get ready for the morning ahead.
"So… Everything seems okay between you two?" Kevin asked.
Jay grinned, "Yeah, we're getting there. I'm doing better."
"Good to hear it man! We have missed you," He told him. Jay just nodded and left the break room to go and sort out his desk. Thankfully he knew that Kevin wouldn't say anything to anyone about him and Erin being 'unprofessional' at work. If Adam had seen them, they would not have heard the end of it. He knew they needed to careful while at work but today was a one off. He wasn't surprised when he went out to his desk to see that Antonio was coming out of Voight's office he nodded at him as he went and sat down at what was his old desk.
Once everyone had joined the bullpen and was ready to get back to work, Hank came out of his office to address his detectives and tell them what was going on today, "Okay, so if you hadn't noticed, there is one more of you here today - Antonio is now back with us full time. So the partnerships are going to change around a bit - Al you're with me. Ruzek with Dawson, Halstead and Lindsay and Atwater and Burgess," He informed them, "We don't have a new case today, but for those that were here for the last case, we need to file all the paperwork. Halstead and Lindsay - you two just finish any unfinished paperwork and get up to date. Once you've done that, you can start organising the filing cabinets in the old file room."
"Yay that sounds so fun…" Erin grumbled.
"Serves you right for getting sick and taking three days off," Adam teased and everyone except Jay and Erin laughed.
Hank shook his head, "Shut up Ruzek. Get on with it." He said before going into his office and shutting the door to get on with his own paperwork.
Jay just looked down and pulled up all the unfinished files on his computer and got to work. His phone buzzed and a text from Erin came through 'Ignore Ruzek. I don't even think he realises what he said *eye roll emoji*' -E
I know, I still feel bad though… - J
Don't be. You needed it! Now stop slacking and get on with your work ;) - E
Jay smiled at his screen and looked up and met Erin's eyes. He smirked at her and went back to concentrating on his paperwork.
At lunch time, Erin and Kim offered to go on the lunch run. Erin was currently driving them to the team's favourite sandwich shop, "So, how was work without us? Not too stressful I hope?" Erin asked, intrigued to what the answer was.
"It was fine. Weird without you both though. I have to say, there is a very noticeable shift in the bullpen today. Halstead seems like he's doing better - you wouldn't have anything to do with that would you?" Kim asked, not beating around the bush - she was happy for her friend.
Erin rolled her eyes, "He's good. We're good. He has moved back in and we are just… working through our shit," She told her, not wanting to give away anything private.
"Good! It's been so horrible seeing you both so miserable and clearly hurting!" Kim exclaimed, "I'm so happy that you're back together!"
"I wasn't miserable!" Erin argued, but Kim shot her a look, "Okay, maybe I was. We both just needed some time but we have talked a lot these past few days and we are back on track. I know I haven't exactly been the best of friends these last few weeks, how are you? How is your sister doing?"
"You don't have to apologise. you've been going through a rough time. But, I'm good and my sister is getting there. She's struggling with PTSD and the nightmares but she has been seeing a great therapist who specialises in helping assault victims. She's much better than she was, but it's taking time," Kim replied.
"I'm glad she's getting there," Erin replied earnestly. Knowing how hard nightmares could be on a person after witnessing some of Jay's PTSD nightmares throughout the past couple of years. They pulled up outside the shop and parked up, "Come on, let's go and get the food to feed the hungry men."
Once Erin and Kim came back, everyone sat down and ate lunch in the bullpen before getting back to work. At 5pm, Hank dismissed everyone as everyone had managed to get caught up on the paperwork and no new case had come in. Adam had managed to convince everyone to come to Molly's after shift to welcome Antonio back to the team. Hank and Al had both denied the offer knowing that hanging out with the younger ones of the group was really not fun for them.
"We don't need to stay long," Erin said to Jay as she parked up outside Molly's, "We can just have one then go home if you're tired?"
"Nah, I'm fine. I can't let it rule my life and I just want to get back to the way it was… before Abby showed up. I promise, I'm fine. If you want, I'll drive us home so you can have more than one beer?" Jay suggested.
"Anything to drive Halstead," she laughed, "But yeah, you drive home."
Jay nodded and they both got out of the car and went into the pub. Jay went and got the beers in before joining the team at their usual table.
Sometime during the night, Erin and Kim had left the boys to go and talk to Stella, Sylvie and Gaby at the bar. The five of them had become quite close over the years and had started to have regular 'girls nights' and enjoyed each others company. Erin appreciated it because she had never really been close with girls through her life, and until Kim joined intelligence earlier on in the year, she had worked with men most of the time. Not that she didn't love her boys, she just sometimes needed some female company to talk about things too. The girls were currently grilling Erin on the situation between her and Jay. They had been shocked when they found out that Jay had moved out and they'd pretty much broken up and had been there with her to make her feel less lonely. Erin definitely appreciated it, as there was no way she could talk to any of the boys about what she was going through. She told them that her and Jay were fine and were sorting through their issues but didn't give away too much information as to protect Jay's privacy.
Jay was sat at the table with Antonio. Kevin and Adam had gone to order some more drinks and seemed to have got side tracked by two girls at the bar. "Looks like we aren't getting our drinks anytime soon," Antonio laughed, nodding over to Adam and Kevin who were chatting up two newbies.
"Honestly, those two are the worst," Jay replied, downing the last of his coke, "It's alright, it gives us two a chance to catch up. I knew it wouldn't be too long before you came back."
"Yeah, I thought I would have stayed on longer but after coming back while you were away, it made me miss the action. I also missed you guys. Working at the DA's office was great, but it just wasn't for me," he explained, "So… I heard you've not been having the best of times lately. How are you doing?"
Jay sighed, "I have had a lot going on. I was fine for such a long time, but - well, I'm sure you heard about Abby?" He asked and Antonio nodded, "Well, her popping back up into my life out of no where bought up a lot of issues that I tried to leave behind. I moved out of our apartment and crashed on Will's couch for nine weeks because I was too ashamed to deal with it - what I'd done to Abby back then. I wanted to try and work it out on my own, you know?"
"That didn't work out too well, did it?" Antonio asked.
"No, no it didn't," Jay replied, shaking his head, "I've been having really bad nightmares and more PTSD episodes than I've had in years. Actually, they were as bad as they were when I came back home the last time. I was a walking zombie, sometimes running 13 miles in the night to avoid sleeping," Jay told him, knowing that he and Antonio were good friends and they told each other everything.
"Shit…"
"Yeah. I was a complete mess. Will was so worried he called Voight, who hauled me into his office on Monday where I ended up having a panic attack. He called Erin in and once I had calmed down, he came back in and forced us to go home and sort whatever was going on out. He said that we both have the flu so we got signed off for three days to sort it out," Jay laughed, still not believing Voight did that for them.
"And how did that go?" Antonio asked, curiously.
"Well we have talked a lot. I slept a lot. Completely crashed on the first day, and woke up in the evening. Went to bed about 3 in the morning and crashed until 5 in the evening. I didn't wake up once," He explained.
"Wow, that's crazy!"
"Tell me about it. But yeah, we have talked through a lot of shit and I moved back in officially after picking up my clothes from Will's house yesterday. I'm not there yet mind, but I am getting there," He said, while looking at his now empty drink.
"I'm glad you're doing okay, man. I'm sorry I wasn't a better friend, I should've reached out," Antonio said, patting his shoulder.
Jay shook his head, "I wouldn't have listened, I wasn't in the right frame of mind."
"And you are now?"
"Yeah, I've got an appointment with Dr. Charles on Monday. I think I'm finally getting back to my normal self. I'm not expecting it to go smoothly, but I'm ready to face it head on," He told him.
"I'm proud of you man."
"Thanks, it really means a lot," Jay replied.
Just as Antonio had been about to speak, Erin came over to the two of them with drinks in her hand, "Hey, I saw dumb and dumber go over to the bar to get you drinks like 15 minutes ago," She laughed placing two beers and a glass of coke on the table, "Take it they got distracted?" She asked, looking over to Adam and Kevin who were now sat with the two girls on a table at the other end of the bar.
"Yep, they were bringing drinks over for us but they got talking. You know how it is," Antonio replied, rolling his eyes, "Thanks for this."
"No problem. Wouldn't want you boys to get dehydrated now would we?" She joked and sat down opposite them.
"How come you're over here and not over there gossiping?" Jay teased.
She rolled her eyes, "They're boring me, talking about Love Island which sounds absolutely shite. I've never seen an episode and it gets tiring sometimes trying to keep up with them all," She laughed.
"Ouch. Unfortunately, I could tell you all about Love Island because Eva is obsessed with it. It's absolutely awful," Antonio said.
The three of them laughed and began talking about Antonio's time over with the DA. About 20 minutes later, Adam and Kevin came back over and sat down around the table, "I see you forgot our drinks?" Antonio pointed out when they came back with just a beer each.
"Ah damn, sorry. We got… distracted," Adam replied, sheepishly.
"Oh we can see that. Anyway, I'm going to get going, I need to drop by Laura's, Diego left his PE kit in my car this morning," Antonio said getting up from the table, "I'll see you all tomorrow."
The group said their goodbyes and once he left, Erin looked at Jay, silently asking if he wanted to leave too, which he did, "Okay guys, we better leave to. I'm beat. I'll see you both tomorrow," Jay said, standing up from his stool.
"Aww come on! You both haven't been out in ages!" Adam complained.
"Well, you would've spent more time with us tonight but you got distracted by those two over there," Erin rolled her eyes.
"But you were with the girls most of the night," Kevin defended.
"Yeah, but if you hadn't noticed, I have been sitting over here for like half an hour," She laughed, "Next time we have a day off, we will spend the night before in Molly's. How does that sound?"
Adam nodded, "Sounds good. Night, guys."
They said their goodbyes and walked outside to the car. Erin handed Jay the keys and climbed into the passenger side, "Chinese or Pizza?" She asked once he got inside.
"Chinese," Jay replied, putting the key in and starting the car, "We can pick it up on the way home if you want?"
She nodded, "Sounds good."
Once back at the apartment, Erin quickly got changed into a pair of shorts and one of Jay's tees before settling on the couch next to Jay to eat their takeaway. Jay had put on another episode of Criminal Minds for them to watch, "I've missed you today," He said once they'd finished eating.
"Why? I was with you all day?" She asked.
He shrugged, "I don't know. I think just after the past three days, we literally spent most of it together and talking a lot, it just felt weird not being right next to you all day. We barely spoke because of how much work we had."
"Aww, you're cute you know that?" She teased, poking him in his side with her elbow.
Jay scoffed, "There have been many words used to describe me in the past: Hot, Handsome, Fit, Charming, Dashing, Amazing, A Sex God…"
She laughed, "Big headed much?"
"Well, you know it's true," He teased as he began kissing her neck.
She closed her eyes, "Do I though? You may need to remind me…"
Jay wasted no time in picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder and taking her into the bedroom to show her exactly what he meant.
Later on, Erin was snuggled into Jay's side, resting her head on his chest, "I've missed this," She murmured into his skin.
"Me too," He replied, kissing the top of her head, "Though I'm completely dehydrated, you're gonna have to move so I can go and get some water."
She groaned and moved off of him and lay on her front, burying her head in her pillow. He chuckled and went and got a glass of water before turning the television and all of the lights off before going back into the bedroom. He got into bed and knew she was almost asleep when she didn't snuggle back up to him. He lay propped up on his side and began trailing his fingers up and down her bare back, "Mmm… that's nice," She mumbled almost incoherently as she was on the verge of sleep. He was truly the luckiest guy in the world, to have a woman as amazing as Erin Lindsay by his side through one of the toughest moments of his life. He wasn't going to lie, he was nervous about going to see Dr. Charles on Monday, he knew he would have to speak about some extremely triggering memories which would test him to the max. He hoped that if he began opening up to Erin who was the person he trusts most in the world, that he will be able to get through it easier than he would've done without her. He knew some of the stuff that he had to tell her would probably test their relationship, but he was ready to get his life back on track. He was hoping that a case would come in, so they would be working through the weekend so he wouldn't have time to worry about the appointment with Dr. Charles. He felt himself drifting off into a hopefully dreamless sleep. The last thing he thought about before sleeping was how amazing this woman next to him was and how he was going to get through this for her.
AN: The next chapter will focus predominantly on Jay's session with Dr Charles. Not sure when I'll manage to get it up because I want to do the next chapter of the boy next door first so maybe 2 weeks or so? Don't hold me to that though haha. Let us know what you thought :)
