Author's Note: *SPOILER ALERT* If you have not watched Attack on Titan or are behind on episodes, this does contain spoilers.

Penance is defined as voluntary self-punishment inflicted as an outward expression of repentance for having done wrong. This is a smutty little one shot is about Reiner seeking atonement through a bit of S&M play with an unlikely OC playmate. My alternate title was "As You Wish, Mistress." Then I remembered "As you wish" was Westley's tag line, and The Princess Bride this is definitely NOT.

Although I was horrified and appalled, especially by what Reiner did to Marco, I wanted to hate him but couldn't. Reiner did some pretty heinous things, and I believe he is haunted by these acts, regretting every one of them. He is the epitome of the soldier suffering from PTSD caused by the horrors of war.

Like with cutters, people who indulge in S&M seek to escape their emotional pain through physical pain. So with that being said, maybe this piece will make a little bit more sense. It's not porn without a purpose but it is without a doubt gratuitous sex. Something you can't seem to escape nowadays especially when watching movies on a certain streaming platform...so anyway, on with the story. Please enjoy and read with caution. Not too graphic but detailed enough.


Reiner stood on the doorstep staring at the intricate grains of the imposing oak door. Although he had been here dozens of times, he had never been nervous before. Raising his fist, he prepared to knock. His stomach clenched as a rush of apprehension covered him like hot water. He shouldn't be here. Dropping his hand, he pivoted on his heel to leave.

The door opened behind him creating a circle of yellow light around his feet. It was as if the light prevented him from moving because he could not take a single step away. The corner of his mouth twitched in amusement at the thought. He knew it was not the light holding him. The hope she stood behind him held him in place.

"Reiner?" she called.

His heart fluttered like a trapped bird in the cage of his ribs. She sounded surprised instead of angry.

"Yeah...uhm..." He hesitated then turned back around to face her. He spoke her name in an exhale, "Addie."

Despite wearing a plain white cotton nightgown with an old brown shawl around her shoulders, she was the prettiest thing he had seen all day. Freshly showered and ready for bed, her cherubic face had been scrubbed clean. A light pink coloration tinted her childlike cheeks that revealed dimples when she smiled.

She wasn't smiling now though. He had come without an invitation or a warning beforehand. He knew he shouldn't have come, but he needed her tonight.

Her honey colored hair had been taken down from its usual bun and hung in loose damp curls past her shoulders. Her intense glass bottle green eyes skimmed down his body then up again to meet his eyes.

"Reiner," she repeated, her voice cold and hard as iron. "What are you doing here?"

"I just..." He hooked his thumbs over the brown leather belt around his white officer's coat while lowering his eyes to gaze at the toes of his brown leather boots.

"I always did think you were incredibly cute when you acted like a shy little boy," she said, her voice soft and warm.

Reiner exhaled a sigh of relief. She was not angry after all. Just surprised. And possibly scared. Despite being an honorary Marleyan, his being here could mean death for the both of them.

Her name is Adelaide Wagner. Unlike him, she is a full blooded Marleyan which always made him wonder why she ever wanted anything to do with a half breed bastard like him. She is a nurse and that is how he met her.

One day several months ago while assisting with bringing wounded soldiers into the hospital after a particularly savage battle, she saw his injuries and insisted on treating them. She ignored his explanation that his wounds would soon heal on their own anyway because he was one of the Warriors. He did not know whether to be offended or relieved she had not known he is one of the Titan soldiers fighting for Marley.

"Even our brave and tough Warriors, as miraculous as they might be, need help sometimes," she had said giving him a smile that warmed him like sunshine.

He could not forget her words - or her beautiful face. Even now they repeated in his head just as he had heard them the first time.

Addie exhaled a hissing sigh of exasperation. How could be angry with him? He looked positively exhausted, more so than usual. His eyes seemed to have sunken even further into his head since the last time she saw him. She could see the specters in his eyes.

She backed up and turned to the side, an obvious invitation for him to come inside, but Reiner stayed put as if his feet had taken root to the spot.

"Come in, Reiner," she said, only slight less annoyed than five seconds ago.

"Are you sure?" he asked, removing his thumbs from his belt.

"Yeah, I'm sure," she replied hurriedly, waving her hand for him to come inside since her words did not seem to be enough. "I'm freezing my ass off standing here."

Reiner smiled. She could have an extremely dirty mouth at times. Her use of filthy words coupled with her sassy attitude had been one of the things that endeared her to him. She was different than...other women who had piqued his interest in the past.

He could feel her eyes on his back as he walked past her. Her verdant eyes had a penetrating quality to them that always made him feel nervous, reducing him to an insecure child when she looked at him.

"It's been a while," she remarked, closing and locking the door behind him.

"It has," he agreed. "I'm sorry about that."

"Well, we are in the middle of a war so I guess It's to be expected," she said, sitting down in her rocking chair in the corner by the fireplace.

The flames of the fire were gone leaving behind the glowing red embers to radiate heat into the room and chase away the chill. The logs crackled and shifted sending up a shower of sparks that resembled tiny orange fireflies.

An open book lay face down on the small round table beside her chair alongside a cup of tea. She had been reading. Although only twenty-three, she had the hobbies and habits of an eighty three year old.

"You are permitted to sit," she said, folding her hands in her lap.

"Where would you like for me to sit, ma'am?" he asked.

"Are we really doing this?" she questioned him, exhibiting her annoyance in yet another forceful exhalation.

"It's why I came to see you," Reiner confessed.

Addie stood up, moving to stand in front of him. She cupped his sharp angular jaw with her hand, gazing up into his face with a tender expression bordering on pity. Without warning, not even a change of facial expression, she drew back her hand and slapped him - hard.

Reiner's head jerked to the right on the follow through of her open handed smack. His cheek stung then started to throb. Standing at only five foot four, sweet and soft as a lamb, he found her to be intimidating - and perhaps a little scary.

"Have the nightmares been worse lately?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Her abdomen contracted when his face pinched into an expression exhibiting his discomfort. She raised her hand again, and he winced away which made tears sting the backs of her eyes. Her weakness, her pity, is not what he needs from her now.

"Not worse," he answered, pushing his cheek into her palm. "But not better either. I can't..." His voice faltered, forcing him to pause to inhale a few deep breaths. "I can't stop thinking about the terrible things I've done. You don't know what I've done. If you knew even half of the awful things - "

Addie pressed her finger to his lips to make him cease speaking before he said another word and risked telling her any of the sins he committed. Knowing would make her feel different about him, possibly hate him, and she did not want to do that.

"I don't want to know, Reiner," she interrupted him. Her thumb stroked his cheek as she smiled up at him with tears swimming in her eyes. "It's not important. You can't change the past."

"Will you help me?"

"Penance?"

Reiner nodded.

"You bastard," she growled through her clenched teeth.

Addie detested calling him names but use of that one was more personal. Her anger at him for not showing up for so long is genuine. Typically she refrained from the use of verbal insults because he heard the derogatory terms and condescending names all day long every day from his superior officers and citizens he passed on the street.

"You don't come to see me for weeks then you show up here impeding on my private time. Don't you think you owe me an apology?"

His belly tightened in anticipation. He began to sweat as adrenaline released by sexual arousal coursed through his veins. She was coming out to play.

"Yes, ma'am. I'm sorry," he apologized.

"That doesn't sound sincere to me," she returned, taking off the shawl and tossing it onto her chair. "Take off your jacket. You're not going anywhere for a while."

Reiner glimpsed at her noticing the slight tilt of her lips. The dimple in her right cheek winked in and out of existence as she tried to banish the smirk but it kept coming back. He adored that arrogant little grin when she dominated him. She enjoyed their games as much as he did. His eyes slid up to hers as he unbuckled the belt.

"Give me the belt," she commanded him, extending her hand to him.

With a flourish, he snatched the belt out of the loops and lay it across her waiting open hand. He shrugged off the jacket turning to hang it up on the wooden coat tree by the door where her black wool coat and several sweaters already hung. The red armband on his jacket caught his eye. That little piece of cloth declared to the world his identity as an Eldian AND a being an honorary Marleyan. One had been given to each member of his family as well, offering them a degree of safety and security not enjoyed by other Eldians.

A surge of self hatred made him feel hot and sick. Sometimes he was sure he had sold his soul to the devil for that feeble sense of comfort. But he had to do it to save his family. Before he could turn back around, she folded the belt and snapped it in a way that made it sound like a whip.

"You're moving too slowly. I am not a patient woman," Addie warned him.

As he approached her, Addie flung his belt over her shoulder. Her eyes drifted over him from head to toe as if assessing him while she chewed on her lower lip.

"Get down on your knees," she ordered him.

Reiner slowly lowered his bulky frame down to his knees. Even in a kneeling position he could almost see to eye to eye with her. She rubbed her hand over his head, her fingers raking through his short hair. Her fingernails scratched his scalp, and barely resisted the urge to moan. He gritted his teeth, welcoming the pain when her fingers curled and clutched his the hair at the crown of his head.

"Now, don't you have something to say to me," she said, her voice somewhat menacing but purposely so.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, closing his eyes.

Addie somehow managed to grip the hair and pull with enough strength to snatch his head back with a furious tug. Reiner grunted, his teeth grinding against each other as opened his eyes and found himself staring at the bare rafters along her ceiling. A sharp pain raced down his neck and across his shoulders when she pulled harder.

"That wasn't good enough. Try again," she commanded him.

"I'm sorry, Mistress. I'm so sorry," he panted.

Reiner closed his eyes again, allowing the faces of several of those he believed he had wronged to flash before his eyes. His body started to quake, vibrating from his head down to his toes.

Marcel. Seeing him getting eaten by that Titan replayed in his nightmares at least once every night. It should have been him who was that Titan's lunch, but Marcel saved him. He had asked himself why a thousand times and still had no answer.

Marco. Poor, innocent Marco. If only he hadn't accidentally heard him, Bertholdt, and Annie talking. Reiner had no choice but to feed him to that Titan to keep him from telling their secret. They had come to far and been through too much for their mission to end there. Marco didn't deserve to die like that, but there had been no other way to silence him.

Bertholdt. His best friend in the friend. His comrade in arms and fellow Warrior who had descended into Hell with him. If only he could have saved him from that sickening fate of being consumed.

Annie. He left her behind like a coward to rot in jail in that hell hole ironically called Paradis Island which is so close in name yet so painfully far in reality from being paradise.

Many more faces flipped past his mind's eye in rapid succession. Flashes of the people he had called comrade and friend, brothers, from the 104th. Tears seared the backs of his eyeballs so he squeezed his eyelids shut tightly to hold them back.

Then he saw her face. Krista, the lovely Krista Lenz, who was actually Historia Reiss and who is presently sitting on the throne as the Queen of Paradis. He damn sure never saw that one coming.

"Try again," Addie snarled at him.

Her fingernails dug into his scalp as she pulled his hair. Arousal pushed the blood faster through his veins rerouting it to a certain part of his body. His pulse thrummed in his ears. He sighed as a gush of endorphins triggered by the pain entered his bloodstream.

"I'm sorry," he gasped, a tear leaking from the corner of his eye.

He was sorry for so many guilt and horror of what he had done never left him even while he was asleep. He had even tried to blow his head off to make the hurting stop but he was too much of a coward to do that.

No. He wasn't a coward. It was Falco who saved him. Once again, someone unexpected had come out of nowhere to rescue him. He heard the kid going on outside his window, having an existential crisis while he was chewing on the barrel of the rifle. Knowing what it was like to be torn, to be stuck in such a fearful self-hating quagmire but striving to do the right thing, he decided he had to live to help him.

Addie pulled him out of his head, drawing his attention back to her by inducing more pain by snatching at his hair and sending another white hot jolt of discomfort through his body before letting go abruptly. Disappointment almost diminished the elation when his head snapped back to its original position alleviating the discomfort in his neck.

"Good boy," she complimented him, patting his cheek a few times - a bit too forcefully amounting to several brief slaps. "You made me believe it that time."

"What would you ask of me now, mistress?" Reiner asked.

Without saying a word, a malicious little grin stretched her pretty pink lips. Addie moved closer to him - so close her body heat tickled his skin yet he could not touch her. The pads of her fingers pressed to his cheeks, gliding along his prominent cheekbones. Her touch could be so tender, bringing healing and comfort. Those hands could also bring him the pain he craved, delivering the punishment he needed to cope with the overwhelming burden of guilt.

Her fingers moved down his neck. The smooth buttery leather slid around his neck as she put it on him like a collar, sliding the buckle all the way down until it constricted around his neck so she could use the excess length left as a leash. She patted his head and stroked his neck and back like a master would when lavishing affection on a dog.

"Let's go for a walk. Shall we?" she inquired with an eyebrow that hopped toward her hairline mischievously.

"As you wish, mistress."

"You're a very good boy."

Addie turned her back to him, tugging on the belt. Reiner got onto all fours to crawl behind her and be her obedient dog. He followed her as she led him around the around couch not just once but twice.

The hardwood floor did not bother his roughened palms but his knees began to ache and he wondered if he was scuffing up the toes of his boots. What a dumb thing to worry about. Oh, well, a small price to pay for his punishment.

On the third trip around the couch, she stopped him on the fuzzy throw rug in front of the fireplace. The thickness of the thick rug alleviated the gnawing pangs in his kneecaps. She removed the belt from his neck.

"Take off your shirt," Addie ordered him.

Reiner sat up and sank back on his heels. His eyes latched onto hers as he unbuttoned his white uniform shirt. Her eyes slipped down from his to his chest when he shrugged out of the shirt. The pointed pink tip of her tongue appeared and slid sensuously along her lower lip. His thighs tightened and a throbbing from between his thighs settled in the lowest part of his belly.

Addie sat down in her chair, crossing her legs. Her eyes made another long and greedy sweep over his bare torso. She raised her hand, crooking her finger to beckon him forward. He edged forward on his knees. Before he could get too close to her, she put out her leg, pressing the sole of her foot against his chest between his well-developed pecs.

Reiner enclosed her ankle with his fingers. He received a kick in his side from her other foot. A stabbing pain wracked his ribs, coaxing a grunt from behind his lips pressed together in a thin line.

"Did I say you could touch me?" Addie demanded, twisting her ankle out of his grasp. She set both of her feet side by side and flat on the floor in front of her an arm's length away from him.

"No, mistress. May I touch you?" he requested permission.

"Kiss my feet," she ordered him.

"As you wish," he responded, bending forward to rest on his hands.

Reiner slowly lowered his lips to kowtow to her and press his lips to the top of one foot then the other. Her skin was like silk all over her body. He paused, waiting on his hands and knees for his next orders.

"Do you deserve to be punished, Reiner Braun?" Addie questioned him, snapping the belt like a whip again.

"I do. Please, mistress... "

Addie stood up, holding on to the buckle of the belt. Though in front of him, she flung the leather over her head and swung forward. The belt struck him soundly between his shoulders.

Whack! The belt hit him again, creating a red line from his left shoulder diagonally down to his right hip. He winced but gnashed his teeth to avoid crying out as the burning sensation remained. His arms started to trembled so he locked his elbows to stiffen them.

"Another?" she asked.

"Yes, please," he pleaded.

Whack! This one landed diagonally in the opposite direction creating a heated, pulsating X across his back. His legs trembled, making his entire body shake.

"Another please, mistress," Reiner begged breathlessly.

He got what he asked for and one more for good measure in rapid succession. The burning spread and his entire back throbbed. She smacked him with the belt again. Tears and sweat dripped from his chin onto her feet.

"Another, please," he begged, his arms shaking.

"Reiner, I - " she began but he cut her off.

"Whip me again, dammit!" he yelled.

Reiner sat up on his knees, grabbing her hand holding the belt and swinging it over his shoulder to flog himself. Opening his mouth, he issued a loud bellow of fury and pent up frustration. Hot tears trickled from his eyes. The concentrated salt burned raw red tracks into his cheeks.

"Reiner!" Addie shrieked, unable to withdraw her hand from his to stop him from the act of self-flagellation with her as an unwilling accomplice. "Reiner, stop! Aufhören!*"

Reiner ceased all movement as he had been ordered to do when she shouted the safe word. He let her hand go, pushing his face into her belly so forcefully she stumbled back two steps. His arms encircled her waist to hold her upright and bury his face into the folds of her nightgown to hide his tears.

"Reiner," she whispered, stroking his head as if he is her beloved pet.

He didn't care she treated him like an animal. Presently he received more tenderness and affection than he had in years. He is nothing more than a pitiful stray dog. She accepted him as he is and gives him the punishment he deserves; the punishment he needs to stand up under the crushing weight of the guilt of his sins.

"Why?" he croaked, his voice hoarse and his throat raw. "Why did you stop me?"

"You were scaring me. You went too far. I don't mind playing these games with you, but that..."

She put her hand under his chin, lifting his face so he would look at her. Tears still ran from his red rimmed eyes and raced down the pink raw streaks on his face.

"I won't add to your pain, Reiner. I want to take it away. I want no part of hurting you like that. You don't deserve that."

"Dammit, Addie," he said, his voice breaking.

Reiner pushed his face into her chest between her breasts. The soft cotton of her nightgown soaked up his fresh tears. He inhaled deeply. Peach and lilacs. God, she smelled so good. Her body stiffened in his arms causing him to look up at her.

"Let go," she ordered him a raspy whisper.

Her eyes met his. The sadness and pity had returned. She ran her hand over his head again.

"Let go," she repeated firmly but without raising her voice above a whisper.

His arms dropped from around her waist. She backed up a few steps, glaring down her nose at him.

"Get down on your face. Take your punishment like a man," she said, raising her arm above her head with the belt gripped in her hand.

Reiner bent forward, placing his hands together flat on the floor. Resting his forehead thems he waited for the first strike. When it came sending tendrils of pain spiraling throughout his body, he sighed in relief. With each subsequent, stinging blow, the pain occupied his mind and kept him from reliving the memories that tortured him far worse than anything she could ever do to him.

Then she stopped.

Reiner raised his head slightly, watching her feet retreat until she sat down in the chair.

"Come forward, my pet," she commanded him.

Moving forward on his hands and knees, he stopped when her foot rested on his shoulder. Turning his head, he brushed his lips across the inside of her ankle.

"Shall I continue, mistress?" he asked.

"Yes, you may," she replied.

Reiner placed a kiss to the skin above her ankle bone. Slowly he worked his way up the inner side of her calf to her knee. He rather enjoyed feeling her super soft skin under his lips. HIs fingers clutched the hem of her gown, pushing it up to her hips to reveal her thighs as white and smooth as cream.

Dragging the pads of his fingertips down her thighs, he took hold of her knees to separate her legs. When he placed a kiss above her knee on the inner side of her thigh, she inhaled sharply. His belly tightened from the agony of unfulfilled sexual desire.

"Do I have your permission to keep going?" he inquired, looking up at her.

Addie stared at him with half lidded eyes giving her a drunken appearance. When she did not immediately answer, he turned his head, grazing her mid inner thigh with his lips. She shivered in delight when his hair tickled her sensitive inner thigh of the opposite leg.

"Reiner," she gasped, breaking her tough dominatrix persona. She could not help. It felt damn good.

He was ready to take control. Grasping her knee, he lifted her leg to place it over his shoulder. Spreading her legs further, he placed several more little kisses on her upper thighs. As he worked his way closer to the source of her desire, she started to squirm under the gentle caresses of his lips.

Addie gazed down at the blond head between her thighs. She would not say she loved him, but he had definitely endeared himself to her in a way she did not expect. This wounded man, so emotionally damaged beyond repair, pulled on her heartstrings. He drew out the worst in her, awakening her darkest desires and feeding her penchant for controlled violence - and he loved every second of it. His teeth scraped her upper thigh as his cheek pushed against the heat and dampness separated from him by a thin layer of cotton.

She moaned, writhing under his mouth as it moved across the drenched barrier keeping him from touching her directly. His fingers folded over the top of her panties, tugging lightly, which prompted her to lift her hips. When she did, her womanhood pressed harder against his mouth, and she could feel him nibbling at her through the cloth.

Reiner could not remove the underwear fast enough. He backed away slightly to pull off her panties, lifting her legs above his head momentarily which also allow him to place both of her knees over his shoulders. Tossing her underwear somewhere behind him, his eyes met hers briefly as his hands went to her hips to hold on to her as he buried his face between her thighs.

Addie cried out when his tongue thrust between her desire moistened lips. Spreading her legs, she opened herself up further to him, allowing him to fully explore the pink folds lay before him with a curious tongue. She moaned his name when his warm wet tongue lapped over her clitoris. Her entire body convulsed with pleasure when he enclosed the little protuberance with his lips and sucked lightly.

"Reiner," she gasped, pushing her fingers through his hair.

Grasping the hair at the crown of his head, Addie pulled his face tighter into her body. She wrapped her legs around his head, crossing ankles at the nape of his neck to keep him from wriggling away.

Reiner flattened his hand on her stomach, pushing her down a few inches to gasp for air.

"I can't breath," he panted.

"Make me come, and I'll let you breath again," she snarled at him, locking her ankles around his head and pulling his lips back down to her.

His fingers dug into her thighs, his fingernails scraping her skin, as he doubled his efforts. Sucking harder on the swollen, pulsating projection held under his tongue, he brought moans of pleasure from her mouth while she arched her back to thrust her hips at his face.

His erection throbbed and strained at the fabric of his pants. The tightness created a slight friction which relieved the torturous ache. He wanted to fuck her until she screamed. He would make her beg for mercy next. But first, he needed to breathe so he knew what he had to do.

Reiner pierced her with his tongue, mimicking the movements of screwing her with his cock which begged for relief. Addie issued a strangled cry, her legs opening wide and both of her hands grasping his head. Her reaction spurred him on to alternately suck her and fuck her with his tongue until he had her moaning his name over and over as he fulfilled his orders to make her come.

When the grip of her hands loosened on his head, he raised up in front of her. She gazed at him with unfocused, half closed eyes, dazed and lost in post orgasmic bliss. Her eyes rolled back exposing the whites, and her head lolled to the side giving her the appearance of dying rather than experiencing the afterglow of a fantastic orgasm.

"No," he gasped as fear gripped his heart with its cold iron hard fingers.

Reiner's chest tightened as panic threatened to set in. Putting his hands under her arms, he lifted her out of the chair, settling her onto his lap as he sat back on heels. He held her so tightly to his chest he could feel her heart beating.

"Addie," he whispered, rocking her slightly. "Tell me you're okay."

Warmth burst in Addie's chest, flowing out through her entire body like a gush of hot water. A soft, fuzziness swamped her afterward, giving her the sensation of floating despite being held securely in his muscular arms.

She couldn't allow this tender feeling take hold of her. Reiner needed her to be strong, powerful, and cruel. Her cruelty is what enabled him to deal with the emotional trauma that scarred his very soul.

"I'm fine," she panted, placing her hand on his chest to push him back. "You did your job well."

Reiner grasped her waist, holding her as he turned around on his knees. He carefully lay her down on the rug. Positioning himself between her legs, he glared down at her. His eyes, the color of bright and shining molten gold, displayed his blistering hatred that seared her soul. Leaning forward he pressed his body down on hers. He wanted her to grasp the full intimidating strength contained within his massive and brawny body which also harbored the power of the Armored Titan.

"I should just kill you," Reiner growled through his gritted teeth. "You're one of them anyway. Goddamn Marleyan."

Addie gasped when his large, powerful hands grasped her neck, completely encompassing it. His thumbs rested on her quivering chin as he gazed into her eyes. Although his eyes were full of wrath, the soul behind them was empty. His time on Paradis and the war that followed in Marley had stolen every ounce of his humanity leaving him a hollow shell to replaced with nothing but pain and misery.

"You damn Marleyans dare to call us monsters." Tears filled his eyes, gathering at the dam of his bottom eyelids.

Let it out, Reiner. Give me all your hate...your anger...your tears. Let me take it from you so you don't have to bear the weight of it anymore, she thought.

Although terrified, she did not scream as his beefy fingers tightened around her neck limiting her air supply. Stubbornly she held his contemptuous gaze, refusing to show fear which would stop him from spewing out the negative emotions tormenting him.

"You herded us like animals and treated us no better than cattle. We became slaves...tools to be used. You forced us to fight your war while scorning us and hating us. We were the ones out there dying and killing people while you remained in peace and safety. You can walk around during the day without every little sound or fast movement scaring the hell out of you. You can still sleep at night without nightmares. And we're the monsters!" he yelled his voice breaking as the tears overflowed and streaked down his cheeks. "Well...what the fuck does that make you? Who's the real monster here?"

"You're right," she agreed, her body trembling in terror under him. "I'm the real monster. If you think it will make you feel better...kill me."

Addie wrapped her legs around his waist and squeezed as tightly as she could when his fingers constricted around her neck forcing her to gasp in order to drag in the slightest bit of air. She beat her fists on his bare back when his thumbs pushed into the hyoid bone in her throat cutting off her air supply completely.

A black frame surrounded him, pushing in as she stared at him. Panic set in, prompting her to dig her knees into his ribs and slam her fists more furiously against his shoulders in hopes of breaking him out of his hate fueled psychotic episode. His tears dripped onto her face as he loomed over her, strangling her.

Reiner was not trying to kill her. He was trying to destroy everything she represented, everyone who hurt him and abused him, who stole away his humanity and his sanity.

Grasping his wrists, Addie tried to pull at his hands all to no avail. As the darkness closed in, reducing his face to a pinpoint, she clawed at his fingers, scratching him.

The stinging in his fingers and backs of his hands as her nails ripped at the skin broke him out of the madness that had overtaken him. His hands unclenched from around her neck. He blinked in confusion and looked around as if unsure of his unfamiliar surroundings.

Addie inhaled a loud, wheezing breath to give her starved lungs they air they needed. She gasped several more times in between coughing fits that roughened her throat and made it raw.

"Oh, Addie," Reiner gasped, gathering her back up into his arms to hold her. "You idiot! Why didn't you say the safe word? You knew I went to a bad place. I'm so sorry I lost myself. Why didn't you try to stop me?"

"Because it's my job to stop your pain," she whispered hoarsely, hanging limply in his arms like a ragdoll.

"You're not a nurse right now, dammit. You're my...my..."

Reiner never really stopped to think about what she is to him exactly in specific terms. She is not his girlfriend for damn sure. To say so would make both of them laugh. Both of them would be shot if they dared to try to walk down the street hand in hand like a real couple. Besides, he doubted she loved him, and he could not say he loved her either.

What he did love is how she acted as a pain killer for just a little while. She is a jagged little pill, hard to swallow but oh so satisfying. She doled out the punishment he felt he deserved, the pain that allowed him to escape the emotional turmoil to find momentary bliss in physical torment.

"Reiner, fuck me," Addie ordered him.

"What?" he asked in disbelief.

"You heard me," she said, pushing her hips into his and rubbing her body over the bulge testing the strength of the fabric of his pants. "Fuck me."

"As you wish, mistress," he replied, a lopsided grin on his face.

Fucking unbelievable. After nearly choking her out, she insists on carrying on the game she did not even want to play tonight. This is why he had become addicted her like a drug. Apparently, she liked him too for one reason or another since she allowed him to keep coming to see her despite the risk of death or at the least incarceration.

Reiner cradled her head, laying her back on the rug once again. He avoided looking at her as he unbuttoned his pants. Her hands appeared his his line of vision as he slid down the zipper. They were so small and delicate. Hands that brought healing in surprising ways. Her slender fingers grasped his wrists so he halted his movements.

"Look at me," Addie commanded him.

His eyes slowly traveled across her bare thighs, her nightgown wadded around her hips, and up her body which still visibly trembled. At last, his eyes met hers. They truly were blue, sad but not full of pity. He is not sure how he would have reacted if she dared to pity him in this moment.

Reiner pushed down his pants permitting his throbbing cock to break free from its painful and confining prison at last.

"Don't look away. That's an order," she emphasized as he gripped her hips with both hands.

Addie opened her legs wide, preparing to accept him inside of her. When he pushed into her, stabbing deep inside of her with a single hard thrust, she was the one who broke eye contact. Her eyes squeezed shut, and she threw back her head, yelling out his name. It hurt, sending a jarring pain through her belly and hips. However, a rush of pleasure followed that made her body tingle to the tips of her fingers and toes.

Arching her back to make sure she received all of him into her body, her fingers clutched at the rug under them as if to hold her in place as he pushed her forward with another vigorous thrust. Forcing herself to open her eyes, she met his gaze that was firmly latched onto her face.

"Oh, you're such a good boy," she praised him.

"Shall I make you come again, mistress?" he inquired, pulling back and dragging her across the throw rug toward him. If not for her gown, he would give her carpet burns on her back.

"You better. Oh, god, Reiner," she gasped when he started a gradual descent back into her.

Being inside of her felt so good. It was like being wrapped in a warm, soft blanket, massaging and squeezing him bringing him carnal satisfaction. Being connected to her this way, he experienced an intimate emotional coupling as well, allowing him to feel completely human for a little while. Their temporary bond, no matter how brief, soothed his psyche, making him forget everything by bringing pleasure to his body which had also been beaten and broken numerous times.

Addie struggled to keep her eyes open and focused on his. He appeared to be having trouble focusing as well, peeking at her from under his heavy eyelids. Her hands raised to his face that hovered above her. Her fingers traced the light blond line of facial hair above his upper lip, the thin line around his mouth, and along his square chin.

She flexed her legs, raising her hips into him to meet his thrust. Reiner's eyes closed and his mouth dropped open to issue a lengthy groan of bliss. Her belly quivered with delight. This is her purpose: to bring him pleasure and alleviate his pain. Above and beyond her nursing duties for sure but fulfilling her own selfish desires and his. She needed him as much as he needed her - but she would never let him know that.

"Reiner," she gasped, smacking his ass with her hand.

"Addie, I'm going to come," he warned her.

"Oh, yeah?' She slapped his other taut butt cheek that tightened under hand as he pushed into her.

"Yes!" he exclaimed, his eyes closing.

"Don't you fucking dare close your eyes. Look at me!" she shrieked like a banshee as he shoved himself into her hard and deep.

Reiner opened his eyes to see her smiling at him. His mouth dropped open as he began panting, fighting for control as his lower belly and balls tightened as if they planned to meet somewhere in the middle. Slowing his thrusts, he moaned pitifully when she contracted her vaginal walls around him.

"Mistress, may I come?" he begged, biting his lower lip.

"Go ahead. And I'll follow," she assured him.

"Thank you, ma'am," he sighed with sincere gratitude.

With a few more fierce shoves, pushing and pulling her across the rug while he held on to her hips, he reached the pinnacle of pleasure. He released a cathartic roar, allowing all of the anger and frustration to escape while the elation and relaxtion of sexual satisfaction flooded in.

Falling forward, he held himself up on all fours to keep from crushing her. His hips continued to jerk erratically as he continued to experience smaller but no less enjoyable orgasms. His involuntary movements eventually brought her to climax which left her whimpering and writhing under him.

Reiner held her face between his thumb and forefinger. His eyes skirted over her parted lips as she panted for air. When her tongue licked over them, leaving a glistening sheen on her lower lip, he wanted to kiss her. Kissing was something the did not do. It hinted at a deeper, more serious and permanent relationship.

"Reiner," she gasped, pressing her hands against his chest.

His eyes moved up to hers before he gave into the temptation to claim her mouth and push their relationship into impossible new territory.

There were tears in her eyes making them glisten like precious emeralds. She gave him a sad little smile on quivering lips.

"You can't. We can't," Addie said, her voice quavering.

Reiner could tell she was having the same thoughts as him. He pushed himself up to a kneeling position between her legs.

"I should leave," he announced, his voice cold and hard as he pulled up his pants.

"Yes, you should," she agreed with an equivalent absence of emotion.

Addie took the hand he offered her to help her to her feet as he stood. She picked up his belt and shirt from the floor. First she handed him the shirt, waiting for him to button it and tuck it in. After he buttoned and zipped his pants, she gave him the belt. She picked up her shawl from the chair and wrapped it around her shoulders after visibly shivering.

Reiner watched her as she stoked the dying embers with the fire poker to stir up a flame before throwing on another chord of wood. He went to her as she stood in front of the fireplace with her back to him. Prepared to receive an onslaught of nasty words and possibly a slap to the face, he put his arms around her in a backwards embrace.

"Thank you," he said, pressing his lips to the top of her head.

He inhaled the aroma of her peach and lilac shampoo. He wanted to remember that scent to push out the memory of the rusty scent of blood mixed with gunpowder on the battlefield.

"You don't have to say that," she murmured, her voice soft and her tone kind.

"I know, but - "

"Reiner Braun," she interrupted him. "What we're both feeling right now is due to a release of hormones, oxytocin and dopamine specifically. Please don't make this into something it isn't. The euphoria will pass."

His arms, one around her chest and shoulders and the other around her waist, tightened to embrace her. Her hand lay on his forearm around her chest that lay dangerously close to her neck. She squeezed as if to make him aware that when he flexed his muscles they pressed a little too close to her throat.

"I'll come back to you," he promised, although he knew he did not have to make any promises to her.

Nor did she want them. Any promises, any illusions of love, would only hurt them more. Even their casual, mutually beneficial relationship based solely on sex was incredibly dangerous.

Her body stiffened in his arms, her back going ramrod straight. He took that as his cue to leave. He went to retrieve his jacket from the coat tree. After shrugging it on, he threaded the belt through the loops and cinched it.

"Use the back door," Addie ordered him gruffly when his hand grasped the knob. She turned to face him to see him staring at her both baffled and angry. "The patrol unit will be by coming here any minute now. Go out the back. Take the alley and cross over two streets to the west and go up one before turning back to go east. You'll avoid their patrol route that way, and they will never see you."

"Thanks," he returned surprised she had memorized their route so thoroughly.

Then his soldier's paranoia kicked in. She could be leading him into a trap. He glared at her with suspicion.

Addie smiled, her dimples appearing in both of her cheeks. It was a genuine smile despite the tears in her eyes. So many mixed signals from this woman. She both infuriated and intrigued him, but he could not let her go no matter how tenuous and shallow their bond.

"I want you to be safe, Reiner." She exhaled noisily sounding extremely annoyed. Crossing her arms over her chest, she rolled her eyes. "You did something stupid and made a promise. I expect you to keep it."

Reiner nodded in understanding unable to keep the hint of a smile from lifting the corners of his mouth. "Yes, mistress. As you wish."


Author's Note: The safe word she shouts is *Aufhören the German word for stop, cease, quit, or desist.