"The Dragon Warrior!"


"Po, this is insane, even for - !"

"Alf, just shut up and help me light the - "

"PO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

The big, flabby panda seated atop a loosely built chair wrangled with fireworks - fidgeted in desperation. Mr. Ping, a goose as diminutive as he was sharp, hurriedly blew out weak smoke flowing underneath the chair.

"I told him not to sir, he just - "

Mr. Ping turned his head to the location of the shrill voice. The boy was young, with wavy black hair just dangling across his face. Ragged clothes, clearly much too large for his frame, was draped across his somewhat thin body.

"Alf didn't do it Dad," Po let out with a sigh. "He was just with me when I, you know…"

Mr. Ping's face did not emote at all. He kept his stern gaze at the young boy, completely unmoved and glacial. Alf seemed to retreat into himself, looking away from Mr. Ping's eyes.

"Come on son," Mr. Ping returned to Po, emphasizing it loudly as Alf's head drooped more. "Let's get back to work."

Po groaned, slowly beginning to try and get up. "I know, I know, I - AUGH!"

Alf was nearly crushed by the force.

The fireworks attached to Po's chair had somehow combusted. Having caught his pant leg in the bottom firework, Alf struggled to keep balance as both he and Po were crushed against the rock walls of the Jade Palace courtyard, Po's tongue flailing out while grinning. It felt absolutely surreal.

A sudden burst of air.

"AUGHHHHHH!"

"WHAT THE - AAHHHHH!"

Alf's eyes widened. He just realized that the fireworks had propelled them several hundred feet above the ground, directly above the middle of the Palace courtyard. A crowd of people - who really looked like alternately colored dots at this height - watched the chair soar up with confusion. At this height actually, the entirety of China seemed peaceful and everlasting - bright blue skies set atop a well-constructed Palace with gold finishes. The architecture of the city was marvelous - and what a way to go out!

Falling to their deaths.

"Uh-oh."

"What?"

Alf watched the chair disintegrate into black dust. Then he took a second to appreciate how high they were.

Then he screamed.

"WOAHHHHH!"

"PO IF WE SURVIVE THIS I'LL KILL YOU!"

The ground felt like it was sprinting up to meet them. Alf kept still, paralyzed in fear as Po kept yelling nonsensically above him.

Then nothing.

Alf's eyes forced themselves shut, accompanied by a dull, thudding pain which he could only guess was from the impact of his body against hard ground. He noted that this day could have gone so many different ways…

He could have stayed at home.

He could have been smart and run away from Po as soon as he started strapping FIREWORKS to his chair.

He could have seen through that laughably unrealistic lie.

Come on Alf, just come with me. We're just gonna sell noodles.

Sell noodles, Alf thought. On the exact time, day and place where Oogway was choosing the Dragon Warrior. Idiot. No he's an idiot too - but I'm the bigger

"OH - I'm sorry I just wanted to see who the Dragon Warrior was!"

"How interesting."

Alf couldn't believe the combination of voices, so he forcibly opened his eyes. What followed was incredible bafflement, followed by an insane urge to hide beneath Po's large, jiggling behemoth of a stomach.

Why was Oogway pointing at Po?

Why were the Furious Five watching Po?

Why was Master Shifu staring at Oogway in utter confusion?

Why was he laying on the ground watching all this, when he should be trying to run away?

He was out.

In public.

Exposed.

Alf could practically feel the crowd's piercing stares - just as critical and harsh as Mr. Ping's - bore into his skull.

Po's hand was gently guided upward by Oogway's staff, soothingly mellow voice proceeding again.

"The Universe has brought us - the Dragon Warrior!"

Alf would have called the next few statements - a chorus of disbelievers.

"What?" first, from Po.

"What?!" second, from the Five.

"WHAT?" from Shifu.

"WHAT?!" from Mr. Ping, having just opened the gates.

Shifu tried his best, but failed to stop the ceremonial goose from sounding the bell signaling festivities. An onslaught of noises came immediately - there were reluctant cheers from the crowd, creaking wood as Po was hoisted onto an elevated plane via bamboo sticks, annoyed noises from the Furious Five, stringed instruments permeating the cool morning air…

"Fleshling!" someone from the crowd screamed.

And the noise stopped.

Alf drew himself to his feet. He gulped, watching his audience stare at him with the exact same look Mr. Ping had given him so many times.

Detached.

Apprehensive.

Hateful.

No one was immune to it. Not the Five. Not Shifu.

Not even Oogway.

It was less - hateful, surely, Alf justified. But the same detachment was there, the same apprehensiveness. And that - coming from someone like Oogway - felt just as harsh as the rest.

Only Po's eyes stood out, green pupils filled with concern.

"He's fine!" the panda screamed, jumping down from the ceremonial bed to stand in front of Alf. "He's with me! He's um - "

Alf felt uneasy. A few people in the crowd began moving down from their places in the podiums, menacingly brandishing small knives and clubs.

" - my water boy! He um - brings me water!"

Alf felt insulted, but agreed that it was the best excuse - and a time-honored one at that. He couldn't even remember how many times they had used that one.

"ARGH!"

Alf's arms were twisted and crushed into his back. He winced as he felt Shifu's deep, violent breaths beat down on his ears.

"Is this a joke, fleshie?" Shifu spat, twisting Alf's right arm nearly past its maximum range of motion. "You and this fat panda disgracing our festival - how much you pay him?"

The arm felt like it was on fire. Alf couldn't breathe, which would at least control the pain - Shifu was putting too much pressure on his back, compressing his lungs.

"Or - how much he pay you?" Shifu growled. "Wouldn't expect a fleshie to have any real coin…"

Alf was fighting back tears. His arm began a gruesome popping sound. From the corner of his eyes, he could see the Five look down at him. Crane was indifferent. Mantis looked intrigued. Viper was repulsed. Monkey was cringing. Tigress was smiling.

"That's enough, Shifu."

The twisting motion slowed down, but Shifu kept his grip on Alf's arms. He faced Oogway - himself unsure of what he had just done.

"But he's a fleshling!" Shifu retorted, completely uncaring towards Po - who was standing in silence, horrified. "This little - "

Oogway silenced him with a wave. Alf blinked away the cloudiness obstructing his vision as Oogway's face - neither malevolent nor kind, but quizzical - try to analyze Alf's.

"What is your name, Seeker?"

Alf almost gasped. Almost no one called him that. Not even Po.

Maybe because it was the actually respectful way to call - someone like him.

"Alfalfa," Po cut in between. "His name - is Alfalfa. He's with me Shifu, I - mean…"

Shifu got up from Alf's pinned position. The arms however, did not naturally relax back into position - they stayed twisted for a while, pain alleviated but by no means gone. Alf coughed out some dust, accidentally inhaled in fear.

"Seek this, fleshling."

Shifu kicked out, small foot perfectly connecting with the middle of Alf's lips. The skin broke immediately. A warm, dizzying redness was overcoming his face.

Alf couldn't really remember much more, as consciousness soon faded and gave way to peaceful rest.


A/N

EDIT for New Readers: Thanks for coming on here. It'll be worth it, trust me. :D

Basic elements of this fic:

-Dialogue heavy

-I like to describe the scene first with some good imagery, then focus on character interactions

-Fic becomes progressively more AU as it goes on - eventually well... you'll see. It's interesting though, so please give it a shot!

Now the actual, ancient Author's Note...

This was a story I've been wanting to do for sometime - basically retell the whole KFP1/2/3 story (AND MORE!) but inject a human into it. I don't wanna give away too much, but here's what set in stone so far:

1. This is going to continue for a long, long time. Updates will be pretty regular - like weekly or maybe even more frequent.

2. Writing will be informal and more like KFP's style of writing rather than mine (usually serious and dark, or some poor impression of serious and dark)

Give it a chance!

~TW (short for TaciturnWatcher, see? hehe...)

P.S: I prefer to not beg for reviews/favs/follows - but no one can deny they do make authors feel good. If you honestly want to write something (even if it's really mean!), feel free! I certainly wouldn't mind. ;)

But other than that, this'll be the last time you see me annoying you with R/fav/follow requests. Thanks for the view!