A knock sounded at the door, the third time this morning and it was only eight thirty.
"Aces, please. You have to go. You need to wake up. I'm going to call Haymitch if you don't get up."
As if he's up yet.
"Okay, Gran. I'm getting ready."
"That's what you said five minutes ago. And five minutes before that."
I sighed and rolled out of bed. I shuffled to the door and opened it. "I'm up this time."
Her face was pale and she looked worried.
I couldn't take the worry and pity, so I closed it again.
I shuffled to my closet and pulled out the nicest dress I had, a rose gold knee-length dress with straps. My movements were slow and jerky, as if I was only moving because of strings someone was controlling. I felt detached. Maybe that was the only way I could get through this.
I stumbled and fell as my vision was filled with blood. This has been happening all morning; flashbacks and images of faceless people being brutally murdered by my own hands.
I picked myself up and left my room, grasping the railing on the stairs tightly.
"Are you ready?" Gran asked, holding out my black flats to me. I took them numbly and slipped them on, moving silently through the shop and out the door.
The streets were quiet, people only speaking in whispers if they spoke at all. I moved through them all like a ghost, someone who didn't belong. I got a few odd looks- probably from the fact that I almost never stayed in my victors house- that I barely noticed as I made my way with the crowd towards the city center.
I was right- Haymitch wasn't here yet. I sat next to the Mayor and Effie, waiting for Haymitch. My bet was he wouldn't show up until it was time for the train to leave.
Effie looked over at me. "Do you have any idea of when Haymitch will get here?" She asked as the mayor stood and gave his speech. I shrugged and continued to look out at the crowd. I couldn't meet the eyes of anyone.
Effie stood and I stood too. She switched places with the mayor and he came and stood next to me as a video from the Capitol played. I ignored it. I only tuned in when Effie strutted over to the girls bowl and reached a bejeweled hand in.
She pulled the paper out with a flourish and walked back to the microphone. My stomach was churning horribly as I waited.
"Katniss Everdeen."
The breath left me with all of my thoughts. I had hoped- I had selfishly prayed- it would be someone I didn't know someone I could let die without feeling as bad as I would already.
What was I going to do?
She had to come home. For Peeta. For Gale...
I gritted my teeth and decided I would do everything I could to ring her home just as Effie said the male tribute's name.
"Peeta Mellark."
No. No, no, no. This couldn't- I couldn't-
I couldn't help it; I started crying. The tears flowed and flowed and wouldn't stop. I sat down shakily in my chair and cried and hiccoughed as Peeta walked up the steps and shook hands with Katniss.
I only cried harder.
He didn't look at me as he was led past and towards the room he would say goodbye to his family in.
As soon as I could stop crying, I followed after. Haymitch was there, who knows where he came from or when, but I didn't care. The tears started flowing again and he tucked me awkwardly into his arms as I cried.
I heard yelling and then someone was grabbing my shoulder, pulling me back and turning me around.
Gale.
He looked furious as he gripped my shoulders painfully and glared at me.
"She comes home. Do you understand? Bring Katniss back."
I nodded dumbly, barely able to make my head move or keep it up.
That only seemed to make him angrier, and he shook my harshly.
"Hey! Are you listening to me?"
Haymitch stepped in, pushing against Gale's chest. "Leave her be-"
"I'm fine, Haymitch." I said quietly. He looked at me for a moment before stepping back. I looked down at my shoes, the shoes Peeta had helped me pick out, and swallowed. "I'll bring her back. I promise." I said, looking back up at Gale.
"You better, Smith."
"Or what?" Haymitch said gruffly, pulling him away. "What are you going to do, Hawthorne?"
"Haymitch, please, stop yelling." I said, shuffling back outside. I sat down in my chair again and placed my head in my hands.
I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't-
"Hey, it's alright girlie. You don't have to listen to him. He's not your boss. If you wanna get that boy out, that's what we'll do-"
I shook my head and looked up at him, all of my stupid hope from that morning gone. "You don't understand. We can't. It has to be Katniss that comes home."
Haymitch frowned. "Don't pick her because your head is muddled with stupid love or whatever, girlie."
"That's not it. It's... I- It's not my place to tell you."
Haymitch sighed and looked out over the emptying square. "So the girl comes home." I nodded.
"Good. If that stupid ass Townie comes back, and Katniss doesn't, You'll wish you hadn't won your games, either." Gale said as he passed us and walked down the stairs. I watched as he walked back to his family, as Posy latched onto him and started crying.
Poor girl.
"Aces. It's time to go." Haymitch said softly, helping me to stand up. He didn't let go of my arm, and I was thankful because I wasn't sure I could stand on my own.
I walked onto the train next to Peeta, knowing I wouldn't be walking off with him at my side.