A/N: Short drabble of Mickey and Jack's thoughts during the scene in CID during S19 e80 after Mickey's disclosed the rape.
"It is a strange thing we do, blaming ourselves when people hurt us, but we all do it."
― Jodi Aman
If…if he'd just waited. Called for back up.
Gone left instead of right. Seen the shovel before it struck.
If he'd fought harder, tried harder.
If he hadn't been so weak.
It…it might never have happened.
"How you doin'?"
And Jack knew.
Jack knew how vulnerable he was, how inept.
Another screw up by DC Webb.
His eyes were beginning to sting, Delaney's mugshot blurring at the edges as he stared at the computer.
He turned and stared at Jack, unable to find the words to express exactly how he was 'doing'.
"I wanna get Delaney"
Relief flooded through Jack at Mickey's announcement.
If he hadn't pushed him so hard over Laura.
Hadn't estranged himself through Rachel.
If he'd not made Mickey feel like he had something to prove.
Maybe he never would have gone running into that warehouse.
Maybe it never would have happened.
He wanted to get the bastard just as much as he did.
Wanted him punished.
He wanted him dead.
Because if he could punish Delaney he could stop punishing himself.