A/N: Trigger Warning – Suicide attempt. This stemmed from watching "Cry Wolf" where Mickey finds Caitlin and tells her in the hospital " Believe me Caitlin, pills ain't the answer. You know you're not the first." Which led me to ask, what if at one point Mickey thought that was in fact the answer?
"Suicide seemed to me the greatest kind of freedom, a release from everything, from a life that had been ruined a long time ago."
—Natascha Kampusch
He'd never stopped and taken a break from it all. That's what Mickey realised as he sat at the kitchen table, nursing the fifth of scotch in a coffee cup, the lights dim. After Delaney, he'd thrown all his energy into catching him. Then once he'd caught him, he'd focused on running. On getting as far away from Sun Hill as he possibly could. He'd thrown himself into his work at MIT, into scantily clad arms, into a different bed each night, into a bottle of vodka and six beers for good measure.
And then there was NCS and Liz, a wedding. Booking a church, meetings with the priest, florists, tailors. The case with Manson just fell in his lap. A million and one welcome distractions.
He'd sellotaped over all the cracks.
Liz ripped them all off. Every single piece he'd painstakingly covered himself with she tore away with every broken promise and every wretched lie.
And now he was bleeding from that very open wound.
Lost his fiancé, his confidence, his trust - pretty much lost his job.
Lost his coping mechanism and distractions.
He didn't even have Jack.
Now, in the dark he had to be alone with it.
He took another swig from the cup.
Alone with the memory.
It burned.
The shovel.
Mickey picked the painkiller up from the table and popped it in his mouth.
The pain.
Another swig.
The shame.
Another pill.
The grunts. The tears.
Another swig.
The laughter. The screams.
Another pill.
The brokenness.
The world was starting to blur a bit around the edges.
The betrayals.
Mickey figured he'd take that break now.