"What's recognition?" Buffy asked.
"Soul bonding," Willow said as she took Xander's hand and gave it a soft squeeze, Cordite doing the same on his other side.
"We should probably let them have the room for a couple of hours," Marcie suggested as Janna began to undo the buttons on Giles' shirt.
"I'll get the alcohol, you grab the pizzas," Willow told Cordite as the group quickly filed out into the hall, not wanting to see this part of the bonding process.
"We can use the CEO's office," Xander said, leading them down the hall.
"How much time do you spend here?" Buffy asked, thinking Xander looked much too at home.
"A couple of nights every now and then," he replied with a shrug. "Here we are."
He opened the door at the end of the hall, revealing a luxurious office with several couches surrounding a large glass table and a huge mahogany desk facing a picture window that overlooked the parking lot.
Amy set down the rat cage on the table while everyone set down anything they were carrying and took a seat.
"I hope Janna is good at illusions, because Giles is going to need them so people recognize him as him and not his son," Buffy said.
"Hero Medals are awesome," Willow said, "too bad you have to get new ones and can't just update them when the new versions come out."
"Wouldn't you have used them already by then?" Red asked.
"Not always," Willow replied. "I know Xander would sell them off if they weren't a major upgrade over the one he already had.
"How many did I win?" Xander asked.
"You earned five," Willow said proudly.
"Or rather we did," Cordite teased.
"We always work as a team," Willow told Xander, grabbing a piece of pizza, "unlike some tamers who send their Pokegirls off alone."
"They rarely get the tough jobs so they rarely earn the medals," Marcie said smugly.
"Unlike you, who insists on going with us even when it's just a routine feral check," Amy said as she retrieved the rat from its cage.
"Of course it's a lot easier to find ferals when you use yourself as bait to lure them out," Willow admitted.
Amy kissed the rat on the top of its head and was suddenly holding her naked analogue, who she handed a slice of pizza to.
"He was probably right to sell them," Cordite said thoughtfully, "since older medals are pretty cheap and he often got the upgraded version later from a pawn shop when they were no longer the latest version."
"Doesn't the latest medal make it six?" Marcie asked.
"The first medal doesn't count since you get it for volunteering to become a tamer," Willow said.
"It's a freebie to keep up the survival rate of newbies," Cordite added. "I remember you discussing the idea of becoming a tamer with us so we could get our own place. Man, I was a dumb bunny back then. I didn't know what the dangers were, just that I'd be able to get away from the Chases and wake up every morning next to you."
"I knew what the dangers were," Willow said, "a third of tamers don't last six months, but between you having responses ready for all my questions and complaints and Cordy's damn eyes-"
"Cordy's eyes?" Beth interrupted, not having heard how Xander had become a tamer before. Red's eyes widened as she glanced at Beth, whose voice sounded a lot like Buffy's.
"When Cordy was a simple Bunny Girl, she could get these two to do anything by quivering her lips and getting a little teary eyed," Amy offered with a grin.
"I was such a dumb bunny," Cordite groaned.
Xander chuckled and gave Cordite a squeeze. "I like my other self, he was my kind of guy."
Willow waited till the laughter died down to say, "We still don't know a lot about how things went with you here."
"Um," Human Amy spoke up, "is anyone going to tell me what's going on?"
"How much do you remember?" Red asked.
"I was about to be burned at the stake," Human Amy said, "then things get blurry."
"Hansel and Gretel were actually an illusion cast by a demon who would use the locals to kill off all the magic users so there would be no way to defend against it," Buffy explained. "I used the pole they tied me to, to stake it."
"You had your own spell turned back on you and were turned into a little white rat," Red added. "I've been trying to figure out how to turn you back, but I'm new to magic and it's only been a month."
"And the… furries?" Human Amy asked.
"They came from another dimension where a scientist lost it and released a virus that mutated almost everyone," Buffy said.
"I'm you," Amy introduced herself to Human Amy, handing her another piece of pizza which vanished as quickly as the first one had.
"Can we get her some clothes?" Buffy asked as Human Amy looked around looking like she wasn't all there.
"I should have something that'll fit," Amy said cheerfully, standing up with Human Amy in her arms like she weighed nothing. "We'll be right back."
"Back to topic," Willow said. "Tell us more of how things went here."
"Where should I start?" Xander asked.
"A general overlook on the boring bits and a detailed play by play of the interesting ones," Cordite replied before taking a long pull off a jar of alcohol.
"Ok," Xander said, "I grew up in Sunnydale, the home of the mouth of Hell, losing friends year by year due to accidents or them 'running away'. By high school I only had two close friends."
"Running away probably means eaten by demon," Buffy explained when Xander paused to sip his drink, not sure how much they knew about this version of Sunnydale and not wanting them to think it was safer than it was.
"Ran into Buffy when she enrolled last year. Jesse got turned before we could rescue him, I staked him and decided the world would be better off without vampires. A lot of different things happened and now here we are," Xander said, feeling pleasantly mellow from the alcohol.
"That is skipping over a whole lot of stuff," Red said, shaking her head.
"Like what?" Xander asked, thinking the various disasters and demons were probably similar to things the girls had dealt with in their Sunnydale so wouldn't be that interesting.
"The Harvest with all the vamps attacking the Bronze," Buffy said. "That was like, our first major battle."
"Yeah, I had to stake Jesse to protect Cordelia and Willow," Xander said, "and I didn't even like Cordelia at the time."
"Jesse… I think I remember him," Willow said, "moved away in third grade, something about his parent's getting jobs in LA."
"Here he was my best friend and had a crush on Cordelia," Xander said. "Getting turned into a vamp did not improve the situation. He was nice enough to want to turn me and Willow, nice being from his point of view."
"You never told me that," Red said.
"You never wanted to talk about Jesse," Xander replied, "and I didn't think you'd want to know. Do you feel better knowing it now?"
"No," Red admitted.
"Then there you go," Xander said.
"Vampire attacks like that usually end with a handful of Pokegirls reducing them to ash," Willow said, "so it wouldn't even be a blip on anyone's radar as they get toasted."
"Amy got her body stolen by her Mom, who wanted to be a cheerleader again," Red said quickly.
"Not sure if she tried it in our world, but since Amy is a Pokegirl Witch it's really doubtful," Marcie offered. "Of course since nanites keep you looking so much better she probably didn't feel the need."
"Ok, how about the praying mantis lady who was collecting virgins and chained Xander up in the basement?" Buffy said with a grin.
The Pokegirls all burst out laughing.
"I think she'd have a hard time finding virgins in their world, Buff," Xander pointed out.
"You were disqualified when I turned twelve," Willow reminded him, "and really the only virgins around were the human women who were part of a religion that required it."
"How about when you were possessed by a hyena?" Buffy asked.
"On the yearly zoo trip I stumbled across a group of bullies hassling someone," Xander explained. "Turns out the zoo guy was a witch doctor and had set up a ritual to become empowered by an animal spirit that we accidentally completed. I got strong and stupid. The other students ate principal Flutie and I attacked Buffy. We managed to get everything straightened out and I body checked the zoo guy into the hyena pit to protect Willow. It was an ironic fate, but a well deserved one."
"There are much easier ways to gain power," Willow said. "At any rate Flutie is alive and well back home, so it probably didn't happen in our old world."
"I already told you about the demon-robot thing that happened downstairs," Xander said.
"Nothing like that happened in our world or some other team handled it themselves and didn't mention it," Willow said. "We weren't exactly the only harem in residence."
"I'm still wrapping my head around the idea that Giles had a harem," Buffy said.
"We weren't super close or anything, but he was a friendly, experienced tamer that had moved to Sunnydale recently and was very helpful," Willow said.
"Sunnydale had six harem teams, which is a lot more than a town it's size usually fielded," Marcie said. "Being the Hellmouth that should come as no surprise."
"The Mayor and his Harem, he specialized in infernal types, usually handled the toughest jobs," Willow said. "Being the youngest team, most tamers don't even take the exam until after high school, so we got a lot of the 'easier' jobs."
"Of course easier on the Hellmouth meant…" Cordite chuckled evilly.
"Five hero medals in under three years," Willow said proudly.
"Giles wasn't your librarian, was he?" Buffy asked.
"An experienced tamer with his own harem running a library?" Willow snickered. "No, Giles was part of a British based group that had been fighting demons for centuries. They often sent teams to supernatural hot spots. He was searching for something, but he never said what it was. Our librarian was Flutie's Mousewife Miss Heather."
"Mousewife?" Red asked.
"Mouse type Pokegirl," Marcie explained. "Miss Heather was smart, kind, considerate and a bit prone to daydreaming."
"Unless you tried to harm a student," Cordite said with a huge grin.
"She goes from smart and helpful to Cordite levels of lethal in the blink of an eye," Willow said. "Everyone adores her."
"She put me through a wall to make a point about fighting in school," Cordite said proudly, "and then she tutored me in math to help me make up for my poor grades from being a simple Bunny Girl the week before."
"Cordite evolving into a Mini-Top was a bit of an adjustment," Willow said, "but most people were understanding and the ones who weren't we educated… off school grounds."
"And back onto a less disturbing topic," Buffy said brightly. Xander and his girls' matching grins sending shivers down her spine. "Giles has been my stuffy old British guy who helps me with the slaying while pretending to be the school librarian."
"He's not pretending," Red protested, "and he's a very good librarian."
"I just meant it was a cover, not that he didn't do it," Buffy assured her.
"Next interesting thing was me and Buffy having to convince Red to ditch school, so we could kill a demon that was only vulnerable during the day while being watched by at least two people," Xander said.
"You kinda skipped over Angel," Red pointed out.
"I already told them about Angel, possessed vampire, do not torch," Xander replied. "He's got a curse, don't break it."
"That's all you've said?" Buffy asked surprised.
"What else needs to be said?" Xander asked.
"The fact that he's my boyfriend," Buffy suggested.
"Eww," came the response from all the Pokegirls.
"No Eww," Buffy said angrily. "He's very nice."
"It's a corpse and a demon, and if nerd boy's explanation of the curse was right, a ghost," Cordite said bluntly, "all three of those fall into the do not fuck category, so yes Eww."
"Let's just drop it," Xander suggested. "The important thing is he can be trusted, don't accidentally kill him. Unless he looks happy," Xander added after a moment of thought.
"If he looks happy you want us to kill him?" Marcie asked, confused.
"If he's happy the curse breaks and he's an experienced master vampire that knows way too much about us," Xander explained.
"We have a copy of the curse, we can re-curse him," Buffy said firmly.
"Ok, if the curse breaks try and restrain him," Xander said, "but only if you can do it safely, and remember vampires can heal from nearly anything with enough blood so there is plenty you can do without causing any permanent injuries."
"Thanks," Buffy said, not sure how Xander meant that last bit, but thinking he was being unusually reasonable compared to his usual comments about Angel.
"How about the talent show?" Red asked.
"Ventriloquist dummy possessed by the spirit of a demon hunter," Xander said. "Could only rest after he stopped the demons from completing a ritual requiring the sacrifice of half a dozen students. Very creepy."
"Also really pervy," Buffy said, remembering the Dummies' comments.
"Someone tried to off a student during the talent show," Marcie said thoughtfully, "but we were investigating demonic activity in Oxnard at the time."
"The two Psi-Dykes," Willow recalled.
"Psi-Dykes?" Red asked looking a bit offended at the term.
"A strip club owner got ahold of two Psi-Dykes and tried to make them a live sex act for the novelty of it," Willow explained. "That was a mess."
"I lost a shoe," Cordite recalled.
"Did you have a young boy names Billy beaten into a coma by his little league coach who was bringing everyone's nightmares to life?" Buffy asked, not wanting to hear how Cordite lost a shoe.
"Nope," Willow said. "Of course that's probably because anyone who injured a male child would be facing so many charges you might as well just shoot them to save time."
"Next was Marcie Ross," Red said, "who was ignored and overlooked so much she turned invisible went nuts and tried to murder all the popular kids."
"I may or may not have pranked the popular kids," Marcie said, "but I never tried to kill them."
"She was permanently invisible and it made her a little crazy," Xander explained, "we caught her before she could do too much damage and Giles got her into a program that's supposed to help her."
"Any way to find out how she's doing?" Marcie asked.
"I'll ask Giles," Xander replied.
"Thanks," Marcie said, giving him a bright smile that the fangs and fur made look even cuter.
"Next was when the Master rose," Buffy said, "and Angel and Xander saved me."
"Buffy heard a prophecy she was going to die and rushed off to fulfill it," Xander said with a frown.
"I did not!" Buffy said. "It wasn't like that at all." Everyone waited and finally Buffy sighed. "Ok, it was a little like that. I got really upset and wanted to prove that no matter what some book said I could take him."
"Technically she did die," Red said, "so the prophecy was fulfilled."
"I don't think it was using weasely terms like 'born of man," Xander disagreed. "The prophecy meant passed on, not took a nice nap and woke up well rested and pissed off."
"He drained a bunch of my blood and tossed me in a pool of water where I drowned," Buffy explained. "Angel and Xander found and revived me."
"Buff took him down hard," Xander said, "all that was left was a skeleton."
"Which a bit later we were kidnapped to try and resurrect," Red said. "Well, me and Giles anyway."
"I was a bit confused and upset at dying or nearly dying," Buffy said. "I acted like a bitch to everyone to the point where Cordelia called me on it."
"What's the human version of me like?" Cordite asked curiously.
"Insulting and snobby when we were growing up," Red said. "She's gotten better recently."
"You'll get a better idea as we go along," Xander said. "She ended up joining our group some months later."
"Ok," Cordite said, the alcohol making her mellow.
"Everyone got rescued and Buffy worked out her emotional problems with a sledge hammer," Xander said.
"Violence really helps sometimes," Cordite said cheerfully, she and Buffy exchanging smiles.
"Next we had a couple of students playing Frankenstein to resurrect the older brother of one of them," Buffy said.
"That was fine, it was when they tried to kill Cordelia to make his bride that we got involved," Xander said.
"I think that's what first drew Cordelia's attention to you," Buffy said. "You covered her body with your own to protect her from the flames when she was strapped to that hospital bed."
Red shook her head. "No, Cordelia's always been aware of Xander. He's one of the few people who would call her out when she was out of line and was always willing to match wits with her."
"We saved Cordelia, Frank got hit by a bus and fell to pieces, and everything went back to Sunnydale normal," Buffy said. "Until the next week when parent teacher night was interrupted by a flood of vampires because of some vampire holiday and my mom tried to split open Spike's head with a fire ax."
"We did have that happen," Marcie said. "Well, not your Mom attacking Spike, but a flood of vamps interrupting things."
"We did?" Willow asked. "I don't remember that."
"That's because since only me and Amy had parents that cared about such things, you, Xander, and Cordite took the opportunity to use the principal's office for a little fun," Marcie explained.
"And you didn't come get us?" Willow asked surprised.
"We had over a dozen fire types in school," Marcie said. "It was more like a chance to show off than any real problem."
"I think interrupting Cordite's taming season would cause a bigger problem than the vamps were," Beth offered.
"Damn straight!" Cordite said proudly.
"Fair enough," Willow agreed.
"Mummy Girl was next," Buffy said.
"A foreign exchange student turned out to be a life sucking mummy. Naturally she decided to date Xander," Red said.
"I had to stop her from draining Willow and rather than drain me she let herself die," Xander said. "She was put in a bad situation so you can't exactly blame her, I mean most of the people she drained did try to attack her."
Willow and Cordite hugged Xander, feeling how upset he was despite his attempts to hide it.
"Next was Cordelia badgering me into going to a frat party with her," Buffy said. "We ended up drugged and chained to a wall where they tried to sacrifice us to a snake demon."
"I wouldn't mind going to a kegger," Cordite admitted, "but frat boys have a tendency to get grabby and people tend to whine when I break their arms."
"If they needed sacrifices they could use ferals and no one would complain," Willow said, "though they'd probably be facing charges for dealing with demons."
"Next was Halloween," Red said, "we all turned into our costumes. I was a ghost."
"Halloween is probably a lot different in our world," Willow said, "I mean besides the turning into your costumes deal."
"It was a spell from a chaos worshiper," Buffy explained. "Giles had to beat the guy into breaking the spell."
"Oh," Willow said surprised. "I thought it was a local event. It sounds like something we'd organize for a party."
"Normally we just dress up in outfits and go door to door collecting candy," Xander explained.
"We have costumes and candy, mostly for the children," Willow said, "but it's also a chance for a Pokegirl to see if she can fit with a tamer."
"Every year Harmony would dress up like a Bunny Girl and sneak into our harem," Cordite said with a smile.
"You get along with Harmony?" Red asked surprised.
"She's one of the few people that's worth a shit," Cordite said with a small smile.
"We're pretty sure Harmony has a blood gift dealing with Bunny Girls," Willow said. "She understands and gets along with them better than anyone, even their tamers at times."
"But she wasn't a Bunny Girl herself?" Red asked.
"No," Willow said amused. "They even tested her to make sure she wasn't a new near human type. Harmony was completely human."
"So, human girls joined harems?" Buffy asked confused.
"Not intentionally," Marcie said with a grin, "Harmony just liked to play pretend for a night."
"Human girls pretending to be Pokegirls to get a taming with no strings attached also became part of the tradition," Willow explained. "Being a harem master while still in high school, Xander was quite a catch but while Harmony could have become his girlfriend she was content to be a friend."
"Except on holidays?" Red asked, a bit weirded out.
"Including some international ones," Cordite said with a smirk.
"Here Harmony and Cordelia snipe at one another to try and be queen of the hill," Buffy said.
"Like when I was human," Cordite said.
"You're still human just… improved," Xander said, earning himself some smiles.
The two Amys returned, dressed in matching I Dream of Jeannie outfits, though they looked more like sisters than twins due to the size differences.
"I'm caught up," Human Amy said, "though a bit surprised… ok, more than a bit. Xander did you offer a huge sacrifice to Aphrodite or something?"
Xander laughed. "No and she's probably still pissed at me, so I think I'll avoid drawing her attention and offering one now, unless you think I should."
"You got a Greek goddess mad at you?" Willow asked surprised.
"I got a lot of people mad at me," Xander replied. "We'll get to that story later."
"Aphrodite being upset with you would explain some things," Buffy pointed out.
"Yeah it would," Xander agreed. "Maybe I should see about some sacrifices… do you think consecrating some stakes in her name would help?"
"Couldn't hurt," Buffy said.
"We'll research it later," Red and Willow chorused, freaking Red out a bit.
"Stereo," Human Amy said. "So… what did you guys tell my dad?"
"What could we tell him?" Buffy asked.
Human Amy opened and closed her mouth a few times. "Yeah, that would be a problem," She turned to Xander. "I guess I'm part of your harem until I can straighten everything out."
Xander considered that for a moment before agreeing, "Welcome to the harem, Willow is my Alpha, Cordite is next in the chain of command, or first if you need someone's legs broken."
The Pokegirls laughed.
"Ford showed up, but without me there I suppose you never met him," Buffy said.
"Doesn't ring a bell," Willow agreed.
"After that we found out that Giles knew the chaos worshiper from when they were young and stupid," Buffy said. "They'd get drunk, have orgies, and summon a sleeping demon named after one of the ghostbusters."
"It got them high," Xander explained. "Naturally they screwed up one night, it killed one of their friends, and Giles became a watcher to make up for it."
"Ghostbusters?" Willow asked.
"A movie," Xander explained, "one of the characters had a similar name. Eyghon the Sleepwalker. Being possessed by him got them high."
"Giles was possessed by a demon?" Willow asked in disbelief. "Willingly?"
"Had a special tattoo and everything," Red confirmed.
"Naturally it eventually returned and attacked everyone," Buffy said. "Ethan knocked me out and put the same tattoo on me to try and get me to kill it or to sacrifice me in his place."
"We actually got some use out of Angel's demon," Xander said. "Eyghon was able to possess the sleeping and the dead, so we tricked him into jumping into Angel."
"Where the blood demon would be strongest," Willow said, following the logic. "I think they execute people for doing things like that in England these days, our England anyway."
"Giles recovered and the next thing that happened was Spike sending the Order of Teriyaki after me."
"Taraka," Xander and Red chorused.
Buffy shrugged. "Me and Angel took out one really big guy, Xander and Cordy took out one really bug guy, and the slayer that was called when I died showed up."
"Really bug guy?" Willow asked amused.
"He turned into bugs, lots of bugs," Xander said. "Me and Cordelia locked ourselves in the basement of Buffy's house and ended up making out while arguing because she let him in. We decided dealing with the assassin was the lesser of two evils and made a break for it."
"Was she that bad a kisser?" Cordite asked amused.
"Sadly no," Xander said, "it was more her personality and attitude."
"And you think I'm easier to deal with?" Cordite asked with a grin.
"Immensely," Xander said, leaning in and kissing her.
"That is a scary thought," Willow said, shaking her head.
"Kendra thought I was a vampire because she saw me and Angel kissing," Buffy said. "Our first meeting did not go well."
"Oz saved me from the fake police woman who was gunning for Buffy," Red said. "It was very brave."
"Blue haired werewolf," Xander told Willow. "He was in the library."
"Don't you guys have a cure for lycanthropy?" Willow asked.
"No, we just lock him up three nights a month," Buffy said.
"You have a cure?" Red asked hopefully.
"A Hero Medal would cure it," Willow replied.
"And you already used them both," Red said sadly.
"How would nanites cure a werewolf?" Buffy asked.
"It has a mystical component," Willow explained, "nanites are as much magic as science."
"I thought it was just really high tech," Buffy said.
"All our really high tech stuff is at least partially magic," Willow said, "or psionic, there's always been some arguments about the boundaries and what makes up what."
Willow and Xander locked eyes for a moment.
"I'll call him," Xander said getting up.
"Call who?" Buffy asked.
"Oz," Willow replied. "We only had two of the latest Hero Medals, but Xander liked to buy the old cheap ones. I used to tease him that he was preparing for a nuclear war or the Hellmouth opening."
"He could never get over how cheap they became when the latest version came out," Cordite said.
"Hey Oz," Xander said using the phone on the desk, "I need you to come over to the old CRT facility." He was quiet for a moment. "No, I would never be that rude, I brought my own tarp."
Everyone turned to stare at Xander.
"What kind of sense does that make? A shovel is a great short ranged weapon and if I lost I'd have died like I lived… avoiding manual labor!"
He had to wait for giggling and groaning to stop before he continued, "What? Yeah, standard procedure, tell no one, leave no messages behind, and meet me in the middle of nowhere with no witnesses."
"I'll be surprised if Oz shows up," Human Amy said.
"Love you too, bye," Xander said, hanging up. Turning around he saw Red and Buffy staring at him. "What? How do you end your calls?"
Typing by: fyrewolf5
AN: In Pokegirls they had centuries to develop the tech needed, while in BTVS-Pokegirls they developed it in under half a century, so naturally they needed to use the biggest shortcut available, Magic!
TN: Well Red seems to have figured it out, let's see how she handles the semi-secret and how everything else pans out from that.
TN2: And of course Oz will show up, knowing Xander he's probably set up codes with Oz to mess with the rest of the scoobs, and just explained that everyone is there and it's not a hostile situation.