"Ok, we left off at Oz getting grazed by a bullet," Xander said. "Turns out the whole thing was a plot to keep Buffy busy, so the vampire Spike could grab the vampire Angel to perform some skeevie ritual to restore the vampire Drusilla. Fortunately, Spike didn't have the cash to get more than the trial version of the Tarakan assassins' plan so after the three assassins were taken care of we wouldn't have to worry about them anymore. Long story short Angel was rescued, Spike was injured, and Drusilla was restored."
"There was a lot more to it than that," Buffy complained. "Angel was weakened-"
"Don't care," Cordite interrupted her. "So, what happened with you and my alter self?"
"I know you dated her so that one incident had to lead to something more," Willow pointed out.
"She yanked me into a janitor's closet," Xander said. "It ended up becoming a regular thing. We traveled in different circles and our friends didn't like each other so we kept everything hidden."
"In our world you were a respected tamer and I was a common Bunny Girl. No one could figure out why you would bother with me," Cordite said.
Xander leaned over and kissed her. "That's why."
Cordite looked away and tried to subtly wipe her eyes. "Mushy bastard," she complained, but was unable to stop smiling.
"Of course, once Cordite evolved into a Mini-Top we had to undergo questioning by an A-Bra to make sure we hadn't deliberately tried to evolve Cordy into a Mini-Top," Willow said.
"Hold up," Buffy said, "how would you know why their Xander kept her around and why would you be questioned by a… Bra?"
"Because I'm Xander," Xander replied, "and the bond says it all."
"An A-Bra is a psychic Pokegirl," Willow explained, "and deliberately subjecting a Bunny Girl to the level of violence needed to become a Mini-Top is considered abuse."
"And on the Hellmouth you'd naturally run into that amount of violence," Red said with a sigh.
"Easily," Willow agreed.
"So, what happened next?" Cordite asked, not liking the pity she saw in Buffy and Red's eyes.
"Ted Buchanan, who was dating Buffy's mom, turned out to be a serial killer and a robot," Xander said.
"I beat him to death," Buffy said, "we took him apart and scattered the pieces."
"He was probably uncovered in our world when he couldn't tame Pokegirls," Willow said, "every man had to do their part."
"And it has to be a human, not a machine," Red guessed, "otherwise it would be a lot easier."
"After Ted we had an egg baby class," Xander said, "which turned out to be a cover for a demon that laid eggs like a chicken that hatched out these little squid things that controlled people. We were saved because I had the foresight to hard boil my egg."
"You mean you cheated," Red said, giving him a glare.
"There was nothing that said we couldn't hard boil them," Xander replied.
"Psychic Pokegirls would catch on in an instant if that happened in our world," Willow said. "Our egg class had us each given a feral egg to hatch and raise for a couple of months."
"You were given an actual child?" Buffy asked in disbelief.
"Samantha Harris," Willow said proudly.
"What kind of Pokegirl was she?" Buffy asked.
"You don't become a Pokegirl until after threshold," Willow reminded her.
"I thought they were clones," Buffy said.
"They are clones but the Pokegirl genes aren't expressed until after puberty and there's no guarantee she'll become the same type as the feral or even a Pokegirl at all."
"She's more likely to become the same type or similar but it's a crapshoot," Marcie said, "my mom is a Mousewife."
"And what happens to the babies?" Human Amy asked.
"They are taken to a government facility and cared for until puberty where human girls will be adopted and Pokegirls will be found positions with Tamers," Amy explained.
"So, an adult male can just walk in and pick up a young teen of his choice?" Red asked, looking disgusted.
"You're one of those religious bitches who think sex is evil, aren't you?" Cordite asked, looking at Red like she was something she'd just scraped off her shoe.
"No, she's just unable to get her head around the reality of the world you come from," Xander said giving Cordite a hug. "Sex isn't a necessity like food or water here, it's an option and people tend to demonize it a bit, especially if there is any difference between the partners."
"Sorry," Red apologized with a wince.
"I was thinking it too," Buffy offered.
"You seem to see sex as a chore for women or some sort of abuse," Marcie said, "that's really unhealthy."
"I better go let Oz in," Xander said. "You're with me," he told Cordite.
"You need my help to let him in?" she asked.
"Nah, but I need a cuddle bunny to keep me from getting bored while I wait," he said.
"Sure you aren't just luring me off so I don't stab anyone?" Cordite teased.
"Not 'just'," he replied, "I am also avoiding a very uncomfortable and no doubt sexist conversation."
Cordite laughed as the two left, swinging their joined hands.
They ignored the moans coming from the break room as they headed for the stairs.
"You put up with a lot of crap from your friends," Cordite said.
"They put up with a lot of crap from me too," Xander said, "it goes both ways, that is what friendship is. None of us is perfect or as knowledgeable as we think we are, and our friends love us anyway."
"They have a massively negative view of sex," Cordite said. "Fuck, if I didn't know better, I'd say Red was transitioning into a Psi-Dyke with the way she acts."
"Our society is very schizo about sex," Xander said, "I'm sure she'll grow out of it."
"She better, because I don't like her attitude," Cordite said, "makes me appreciate Willow."
"Ignore her," Xander suggested, "it's not like her opinion should matter to you and like I said she'll grow out of it."
They stepped out into the sunlight, wincing at the brightness.
"How long till he gets here?" Cordite asked.
"He's usually good about showing up when he says he will," Xander replied. "So… five minutes? He's across town, but it's not that big a town."
"Seems strange to think of Willow with anyone but you," Cordite said, plopping herself down on his lap when he sat on the curb.
"Willow isn't with anyone but me," Xander replied confused.
"I mean your native Willow," Cordite said.
Xander shrugged. "I had a Willow shaped hole in my life and I have a Willow filling it, I'm not really concerned with who Red dates."
"What happened between you two here?" Cordite asked.
"Now that is a complex and long story," Xander said.
"Give me the highlights," Cordite ordered.
"Red has always had a thing for me which I'd ignored, then while we were both dating other people, her Oz and me Cordelia, we suddenly started kissing. Several weeks of sneaking around later we're arguing about how to end it, as we can't seem to control ourselves no matter how hard we try. She's trying to find a spell, I'm against the entire concept as magic seems to screw up around me and I can see so many ways for this to go wrong, when Spike takes me out and kidnaps us both."
"He's a vampire, right?" she asked.
"Master vamp, one of the Scourge of Europe," Xander replied.
"That sounds like an awesome band name," Cordite said.
"I know," Xander agreed with a grin. "So, I have a major concussion, some internal bleeding and we're waiting for Spike to come back and kill us. We were in the midst of saying our goodbyes to one another when the gang comes to rescue us and catches us at it. Cordelia runs off and injures herself, she's rushed to the hospital and I'm left bleeding on the concrete."
"You're joking?" Cordite said.
"Nope, she had a piece of rebar in her stomach and I had no obvious wounds," Xander replied. "End result, Red drops me like a bad habit, not even maintaining our friendship and Cordelia breaks up with me and does her best to make me miserable using everything she's learned in private while we were dating. The general consensus is that it's all my fault and they even tried to push me out of the slaying which almost got them all killed and the Hellmouth opened."
"The Slaying?" Cordite asked with a grin, liking the term.
"Buffy is the Vampire Slayer," Xander explained, getting up to unlock the gate as Oz's van approached, "hence the slaying."
He locked the gate after Oz drove through it, parking next to Giles' car.
"So how did that almost get everyone killed?" Cordite asked Xander as Oz got out of the van.
"That's a new look for you," Oz noted as he saw Cordite.
"It really isn't," Cordite replied, before turning to Xander. "Now answer the question."
"Jack O'Toole our school's resident psycho was raised as a zombie and brought back all their friends," Xander explained. "I spent the day being forced on threat of death and resurrection driving them around. Turns out they were planning on blowing up the school. I tried to warn the gang, but everyone I talked to blew me off."
"When was this?" Oz asked, as Xander lead them inside.
"When those blue demon girls were trying to open the Hellmouth," Xander replied.
"I was locked in the basement, it was a full moon," Oz said.
"I didn't see you down there," Xander said.
"You were in the basement?" Oz asked, surprise actually coloring his tone for a second.
"Had to be, that's where the bomb was," Xander said.
"Get back to the story," Cordite ordered, poking Xander in the side.
"Alright, everyone blew me off, so I was forced to deal with it myself," Xander said. "Zombies don't really have a whole bunch of weaknesses like vampires do, but they also don't have a vampire's strength and speed, so I dealt with them one at a time while trying to find out where they'd planted the bomb."
They stopped at the bottom of the stairs.
"I ended up facing down Jack while the bomb counted down," Xander said. "I didn't have the time to disarm it myself, so I convinced Jack I had less to live for than he did and that I would gladly make sure we both blew up. He disarmed it and I left. End of story."
"And you never saw me?" Oz asked.
"No and I never saw Jack again either," Xander replied with a shrug as they climbed the stairs.
"I… was strangely full the next day," Oz said. "Do you think…" his voice trailed off as he decided he didn't want to know.
"Yeah, sounds like you ate him," Cordite said with a smirk.
"One of the drawbacks of being a werewolf," Oz said, looking a little green. "At least I didn't kill him."
"You never did ask why I asked you here," Xander said.
"That's right I didn't," Oz agreed, pausing outside the breakroom Giles was in before resuming following them.
Cordite frowned as she realized that's all they were going to say.
Xander lead them into the office where the girls were discussing things.
"-it's about power," Red argued.
"Only in your head," Willow replied.
"Hey," Oz greeted everyone looking around at all the familiar looking Pokegirls. "Amy," he said congratulating her on becoming human once more. Buffy moved over to give him room to sit next to Red.
"Everyone, this is Oz, Red's boyfriend," Xander introduced him.
"The one with the lycanthropy problem we need to fix," Willow said.
"I'm a couple of pages behind here," Oz said, hope coloring his tone as he saw how everyone seemed to accept the idea of curing him, his Willow smiling broadly and grabbing his hand.
"My family from another world came here for a replacement Xander," Xander offered. "They have high tech magic that can cure you."
"How hard is it?" Oz asked.
"It's not hard at all," Willow replied, reaching into her ever present backpack and pulling out the pokedex. She typed away for a minute. "I just need to find the right hero medal from Xander's collection. I mean sure, nearly any medal would work, but some work better than others."
"Wouldn't the latest one be the one to use?" Red asked.
"No, they upgrade them regularly, sometimes swapping out features and I remember an article about at least one upgrade that was discontinued because it worked better for lycanthropes than normal people unless they had the Wild Blood, blood gift," Willow replied.
"They actually made a separate medal for lycanthropes after that," Amy recalled, "but it's a specialty item that I don't think Xander collected."
"Xander always said they were too expensive," Willow replied. "Found it." She reached into the bag and pulled out a massive book filled with page upon page of coins and started flipping through.
"Those are all Hero Medals?" Xander asked in shock.
"No, you collected medals of all types," Willow replied, "even the useless ones like the Muscle Medal that came with Happy Meals at McDonald's."
"What does a Muscle Medal do?" Buffy asked.
"Turn fat into muscle," Willow replied as she pulled a silver coin out of the binder. "Found it."
"That sounds useful," Buffy pointed out.
"How many people do you know who are actually carrying extra weight and can't afford to get a Health Medal… OK, bit of a blind spot," Willow interrupted herself. "Here it actually would be useful."
Oz extended his hand at Red's urging and Willow placed it on his palm.
"You'll feel a bit of a burning sensation, kinda like a sunburn," Willow said as she pressed on the coin and it melted into his skin.
Oz's skin turned red and he broke out in a sheen of sweat as his form swelled, the seams on his shirt and pants splitting as he gained a foot in height and the blue washed from his hair in a surge of brown, restoring his original hair color.
"I can't believe I forgot," Willow complained as she reached into the pack and pulled out an energy bar, passing it to him. "Eat this as well, it'll cover the extra vitamins, minerals, and calories you need."
"I thought that's what the pizza was for," Buffy said, as Oz wolfed down the bar, his shirt giving up and falling off.
"For a normal person, yeah," Willow said, "but he had lycanthropy, which means he needs extra resources to fuel the change."
"The change?" Oz asked, pausing with a slice of pizza half way to his mouth.
"It's one of the benefits of lycanthropy and the reason the Wolf E-Medal was invented," Willow explained. "If we had the Wolf E-Medal you'd be able to change to werewolf and back at will, but as we just had the Hero Medal with the first gen version you'll just do a Jekyll and Hyde type of transformation."
"And that would be?" Buffy asked.
"Big, ugly, hairy and hormonal," Willow replied. "It really helps with taming ferals and some of the less human types."
"So, he still changes during a full moon, he just doesn't change into a werewolf anymore," Buffy said.
"No, he can change whenever he wants, he isn't bound to the moon anymore," Willow explained.
"I feel like I just found a Zoltar machine and wished to be big," Oz said as he examined himself and winced as he shifted in his seat. "I need to put on something bigger. I've got sweats in my van."
"I'll help," Red said gathering up the scraps of his shirt and the two of them leaving.
Typing by: fyrewolf5
Extended/alternate scene about Willow and Xander
"We were friends who grew up without parents to lean on, so we leaned on each other," Xander said. "It was nice to have family I could rely on even if we were the same age. She got a crush on me for some reason, but I just didn't think of her that way, so I played dumb."
"You are good at that," Cordite snarked.
"Good enough that a master vampire who should know better believes it," Xander agreed with a smirk. "When she was in a coma after a vampire attack, I realized I was lying to myself about how I felt. Of course, by then we were seeing other people so I pushed it back down."