Hey, guys! Before getting into it, I want to recommend some of my favourite songs as of late...Undrunk by Fletcher. Dance Monkey by Tones and I. And then of course Kill My Mind by the beautiful Louis Tomlinson and Lights Up by the just as beautiful Harry Styles, although the Lights Up music video was an experience and a half, especially while high. Pretending and Honest by Mali Koa are just beautiful. Then Promise Me by Badflowers, which...Made my heart hurt when I heard the song, and then when I watched the video, I cried for the next hour. Yeah. I just wanted to share some happy things, since my note down the end isn't as happy, I guess. Anyway. On with the story x

Clary sighed as her phone buzzed again. She picked it up and saw that it was another message from Kaelie, and she put it back down. Essex jumped up on the bed and trotted up to where Clary was sitting. She nudged her nose against Clary's hand and Clary patted her hand down the husky's coat. Her phone buzzed again, but when Clary picked it up, she saw it was from Simon, and so she actually opened that one up.

Wanna go out for food?

Clary looked at the time, and then twisted her head toward the TV, where she was watching Love Island, and pursed her lips together. She really should get up. It was after one in the afternoon and she had been in bed since she showered after Jace had dropped her off last night. She had heard the dog walker come in this morning to take Essex out, and that had been what had woken her up, but she hadn't gotten out of bed. She had just picked up the remote and turned on the TV on the opposite wall and had been binging reality TV series that she usually watched with Kaelie and Lydia and when Essex had been dropped back off, she had come up to join her.

Yeah, I'll be ready in half an hour, Clary sent back before letting out a groan and dragging herself out of bed. She flicked through her wardrobe, finding a cute green and cream coloured dress and pulled it on before heading into her en-suite to do her hair and make up. Essex followed her around, sitting down on the tiled floor at Clary's feet as she brushed her hair and then twist it upward in braids on top of her head. She did her make up quickly, not bothering with anything too heavy, before checking her phone and seeing that Simon had just messaged and said that he was getting into his car now. Clary grabbed a pair of shoes and then clicked her tongue for Essex to follow as she skipped down the stairs, picked up her keys and one of her many Gucci handbags and headed out the front door. Walking down the driveway, Essex kept close by her side as they opened up the side gate just in time to see Simon pulling out of his own driveway on the opposite side of the road and one house up.

"We going to see Simon?" Clary asked, looking down at Essex who bounced a little beside her but didn't stray from her owners side. "Hey, baby? You ready to see Simon?" Essex jerked her head forward as Simon's car pulled up alongside Clary and she reached forward to open the back door, so that Essex could jump in.

"How's my favourite girl?" Simon's voice was positively gooey as he twisted around in his seat and started rubbing her head furiously, scratching behind her ears. "How's my favourite girl?!" Clary rolled her eyes as she got into the passenger seat and pulled on the seat belt.

"You're going to give her a big head," Clary told him.

"She already has a big head," Simon responded, his voice still mushy in the way he spoke to Essex, playing with her ears and grinning as her tongue lolled out of her mouth. "And she looks beautiful with it." Clary rolled her eyes again, but she couldn't help but smile. Simon gave Essex one final pat before turning around and making himself comfortable again in the drivers seat and pulling away from the curb. "So, Kaelie messaged me last night."

"Oh yeah?" Clary mumbled, looking out the window as their neighbourhood passed them by. She already knew what Kaelie would have messaged about and she really didn't want to discuss this.

"She was waiting for you at some party last night, and you never showed up," Simon continued.

"I know," Clary replied.

"Well, you also didn't text or call her and apparently you left the school after the game with some guy on a motorbike," Simon gave her a nervous look, which wasn't unusual. Simon was usually nervous or worried, that was his natural state. Clary had tried a hundred times over to help build his confidence up, but it never really seemed to stick. Which was unfortunate, really, because Simon was one of the only people in the whole world that Clary loved unconditionally, and she knew that he was sweet and smart and could have anything he wanted if he just believed in himself a little more. "A motorbike, Clary?"

"It was just a guy," Clary let out an annoyed huff through her teeth. "Now, can we change the subject?" Simon gave her a narrow eyed look, which obviously said they were going to revisit that conversation at a later date, but he leaned forward and turned the radio up a bit louder.

Friendship with Simon was easy.

It wasn't like with Lydia or Kaelie, where she needed to make sure she was always at her best. Same went with the other cheerleaders, where she felt that if she slid one toe out of line then she was going to get called on it.

He was her oldest friend, and he had seen her through a lot. Her outside image was almost completely immaculate, but he had been there in her awkward phases, and had seen her when she had walked in on her father sleeping with one of his personal assistants, and had let her practice make up on him when she was twelve years old and was trying to mimic the way her mother looked but never had time to teach her. He had held her when she was crying about her parents never being around, and he continued to tell her that it was okay to cry now, even when she built up her walls to keep herself safe. She loved him.

"We should go out to that place by the beach," Clary suggested and Simon nodded. It wasn't one of the nicer places that she went, but it was right on the beach, and Essex could run around on the beach. It was a place that Simon had introduced her to, which made sense, because he liked those little, hole-in-the-wall places that she would usually avoid, and given the food wasn't served on monogrammed, china plates, it wasn't somewhere that she had gone with Lydia or Kaelie.

They got to the cafe and Clary was glad that it was mostly empty. The day was overcast and there was a wind, so the beach wasn't super busy, especially the end that they were at, and so she let Essex run into the sand while they sat at a table outside. The bench that they sat at was made of old wood and Clary wrinkled up her nose when she saw the splinters that were sticking up. She picked up one of the cheap napkins and unfolded it before sitting down on it, while Simon rolled his eyes at the motion.

"So," Simon nodded at the waiter who brought over two drinks, a bottle of coke with a glass for Simon, and probably the only crystal wine glass in the little bar. "Tell me about the guy on the motorbike."

"You mean the one that I clearly didn't want to talk about?" Clary arched an eyebrow.

"That's the one," Simon nodded and gave her a wide smile, although there a determined glint in his eye that clearly said she wasn't going to get out of it. Clary pursed her lips together before breathing out heavily through her nose as she picked up her wine glass. Simon watched her without saying anything, only glancing up when a plate piled high with bacon and eggs and sausages were brought over and put in front of him, and then brought over a much smaller plate—once again, probably the nicest one that the place owned—with toasted five-grain bread and a perfectly poached egg balanced on top, dusted with salt and pepper. Clary wrinkled her nose at the egg and sighed.

"It looks like they overdid it," Clary poked at it with a fork and Simon just rolled his eyes.

"I don't think I've ever seen you happy with poached eggs," he stated. "Especially from a place that only has a three star rating on Yelp." Clary scrunched up her nose at that comment as though it physically hit her. "Now. The guy."

"Right," Clary muttered. "I met him a few weeks ago, when Jordan left me."

"It's that guy? The one in the biker guy?!" Simon's eyebrows lifted and Essex was running nearby and seemed to hear the panic in his voice. One of her ears flicked forward and she loped over to where they were sitting, nudging her head against Simon's knee. After Simon pat her, she moved to sit next to Clary, who was poking at her egg with a grimace on her face. Simon couldn't tell if it was because of the egg, or the topic of conversation, or the fact that she was sitting on a napkin, but he stayed quiet, waiting for her to speak. Clary picked up her knife and began cutting the toast and the egg into pieces. Simon just watched as she kept cutting the pieces smaller and smaller, and he knew that she would only eat about half of them, but finally she spoke.

"It's not a thing," Clary stated. "It's just...He happened to be there, you know?" She shrugged and stabbed one of the pieces of toast with the fork and put it in her mouth. She chewed slowly, obviously trying to drag it out, but Simon had the time. "Look, it didn't really mean anything, he was just around."

"Clary," Simon lifted an eyebrow. "You wouldn't just go off with some guy."

"Well, I did," Clary shot back. Simon reached down to pat Essex and then looked back at Clary.

"Is it because of Jordan? Because you broke up with Jordan? So now you're just deciding to go off and get on the back of some bikers motorbike?" Simon asked.

"Don't try and make this about him," Clary screwed up her nose. "No. I'm not doing things because we broke up. And I dumped his ass, okay? So if anyone is going off doing some crazy shit because of a break up, it's him."

"Okay, okay—calm down," Simon said, reaching out a hand and resting it on her arm. "Look, I didn't mean anything by it, okay? I just want you to be careful. Jordan is a fucking asshole, and I don't want you going off with some guy because you're...Rebounding." Clary pursed her lips together and obviously wasn't happy with his comment, but she didn't snap at him again. "So...You're not running off to become some biker chicken in leather and covered in tattoo's?" He confirmed and Clary snorted.

"No tacky fake nails and awful hair jobs for me," Clary stated. "Pretty sure I would have an allergic reaction to the fake leather they wear as well." Simon nodded slowly, ignoring her sarcastic remarks and just happy that his best friend wasn't running off to join the biker world. "Anyway, it's nothing serious, okay? Now, can we switch the conversation up a little? Did you hear that Jessamine Lovelace is pregnant?" Jessamine had been in their playgroup when they were younger, and they hadn't really kept in touch. Clary wasn't particularly interested by her, but anything to change the conversation from Jace.

"Really?" Simon scrunched up his nose. "What's the bet she goes on some 'retreat' somewhere and comes back without any baby, brand new boobs and ten pounds slimmer?" Clary snorted, because sadly, that was true, and exactly the way their friends dealt with problems like that.

That's just how things were.

Alright, so, obviously I didn't update last month. My bad. I'm in a pretty shitty spot, to be honest, mentally and physically and I've just got a lot going on right now. I'm still dealing with the abrupt loss of a family member and the fall out of that on my family and recently my husband has had a colleague take his life, which has brought up a lot for him. We're going to be okay, we're dealing with things, but I just need to take a breath right now. When I am in front of my computer and I'm actually focused enough to write, I'm not sticking to the schedules that I had before and I'm just writing what I really feel like which unfortunately hasn't been these stories. So I'm just...Gonna take a step back for a bit.

You guys are all beautiful, and I'll be back soon, I just need a bit of a breather to re-centre myself.

Since updating last, it has been World Coming Out Day and World Mental Health Day and I just wanted to say to anyone dealing with mental health issues and anyone in the LGBTQ+ community, whether you are out and loud or still processing things internally, you are all beautiful and deserve love and kindness. Just because I'm going to be away for a little bit, doesn't mean I'm unreachable, feel free to message me on my socials or on here if anyone ever wants to just chat, even if it's just about movies or songs, we all need to look after ourselves first, and then one another.

Much love xx

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