Hello! I hope you'll like this chapter!

Disclaimer: I own the OCs in this fic, the rest is Masashi Kishomoto's. Sorry for any spelling mistakes or any OCCness.

Character age:

Akane, Itachi: 21

Naruto, Sasuke: 16

Shisui: 25

Kakashi: 30

"I need help Kakashi," I whispered in his jacket. He patted my head. "Serious help, I can't...I can't do that again and expect you to show up, can I?"

"I'm busy as the Rokudaime you know."

I told him. I felt...relieved, a little. I felt...good about him and Sasuke knowing, because they both lived before. But those who knew and died...well, I wanted to keep them from danger.

"Who in their right mind would think about me?" he wondered out loud.

"Danzou was the Rokudaime for a short while, and to answer your question I think it was Shikamaru's dad." I moved back, his hands still on my shoulders, and wiped my tears away. "I...we're going to the Hokage now, don't we? I mean..."

"You're going to get some sleep first." I blinked in confusion at me. "Tsunade-sama knows already I stopped you, I'll handle it. Tomorrow you'll have a big talk, might as well be rested after crying so much."

"I didn't cry that much."

"It's been an hour Akane." I blushed a little and he got up, pulling me on my feet.

"Kakashi..."

"Hum?"

"Can I stay at your place, I don't..." I didn't want to face anyone right now I was too ashamed.

"Sure, but I'm not sleeping on the couch." I hold his hand like a kid until we were at his place.

He still let me use a shirt of his to sleep in. I was pretty sure it was too big for him too as it reached the middle of my thighs.

Anyway, I slept as much as I could, having a good crying session beforehand. However, early in the morning someone knocked on the door. Hard. I groaned and sat up. As I rubbed my eyes with a yawn, Kakashi walked past me, pulling his mask on.

"Ye...oh, it's you." I stood up and went to look who it was so early in the morning.

I widened my eyes when I realized it was Itachi. He stopped talking to Kakashi to look at me from head to toes. I shifted from a foot to another, trying to lower Kakashi's shirt as I could to hide from his eyes.

I felt very shy.

"Right, I thought she'd need sleep before seeing the Hokage so I took her here. See, still in the village." Huh? Did it mean Itachi knew?

"I see," he replied in a very detached tone, although his eyes turned very cold. Without further ado, he left. "Goodbye."

"Sure." Kakashi shut the door and looked at me. "Huh, maybe he thought something happened."

"Between you and me? Urgh."

"I know, I'm way out of your league."

"Right."

"Anyway, get prepared, we're off to see the Hokage." I pursed my lips and nodded.

Kakashi must have felt my panic because instead of walking like regular people, we went to the Hokage jumping from roof to roof to land next to her window. I sat down under it, hugging my knees to my chest while Kakashi knocked on the window.

"Well, look who's here." I tried to hide my face behind my knees but Tsunade-san grabbed my head. "Oh I'm not letting you out of my sight. Get inside." I followed Kakashi and stuck by him because of Tsunade's glare. "So, had fun last night?"

"...'m sorry..."

"What was that?"

"I'm sorry," I said a little louder, looking at her in shame. "I...need help. It's..." I grabbed my left arm. "Kakashi stopping me last night made me talk a little...and realized a few things...that cursed seal is slowly making me lose my mind."

"Considering we're talking about a deity in direct relation with death, I'm sure its power is doing everything it can to have something quickly." I pursed my lips and she sighed. "I guess I do have some blame in that as well." Someone knocked on the door. "Shizune, right on time!"

"Tsunade-sama, Kakashi-san, Akane-san," she greeted us before going next to Tsunade-san.

"Do you have them?"

"Yes."

"Akane, do you remember when you arrived, you had a meeting with Inoichi?" I blinked.

"Yeah but...it was mandatory?"

"For you only." I frowned. "The Mizukage asked us to make sure you'd be followed once in the village after what you pulled in Kumo. She also said that the way you pull through as a kunoichi was by having breakdowns, alternating between the Bloody Mist state that the years you spent there forged in you and a more regular state."

"...she told you then..." I mumbled, feeling betrayed by my own sensei.

I knew she was trying to look after me even with the distance but...I almost felt naked. My way to cope was not healthy but it worked and…

"As you can guess, this method can not continue because you going in a state of mind where you're numb to what you're doing is not good. Having to tell you what an awful person you are for going in that mindset to run away from your actions is not good either." I looked down, fidgeting on my feet. "Shizune, can you read Inoichi's report?"

"Of course." She cleared her throat. "'Uzumaki Akane showed during the test that she is able to make the right calls during a mission and that succeeding a mission with the less casualties possible is the most important. She is not someone to sacrifice her comrades. However, she also showed an incredible lack of self-worth, which could be fatal in a mission if she were to decide to sacrifice her life. This behavior will not only endanger herself but her whole team. This issue is related to the insubordination issue she has that is related to her time in the Bloody Mist where the missions she were given would betray her values. Ultimately, she is a powerful asset however her loyalty is not given easily. Due to the events of the Bloody Mist and her past, it is believable that her loyalty will go to someone instead of an institution. Recklessness, possibly suicidal behavior in the worst case scenario, are to be expected. Ultimately, I have found that Uzumaki Akane does not think of herself as a 'kunoichi' but more as an asset to be used against the Akatsuki and that she has very little interests in anything else. When asked about her future, she does not project herself beyond the destruction of the Akatsuki, professionally or personally wise. A strict follow-up is required.'."

O...kay…

"Inoichi-san added references of psychologists and such and noted that depression and the traumas inflected by the Hidden Mist that were never treated have played a big part in that report. Overall, he did not see you fit for missions Akane-san, not only because you would be a danger to your team but also to yourself."

"But I can't deny you have no reason to blindly trust the shinobi system, only God knows I ran away from it for decades myself." There was...sympathy in Tsunade-san's eyes. "You'll understand that with what happened though, I will have to take your headband back for a while." I nodded. "Now you have two choices: or you are sent in isolation for a few days and released, or you're going to the psychiatric ward of the hospital for a minimum of two weeks with mandatory appointments with Inoichi. We agreed that because of your particular case, we couldn't make you see just anyone."

"I have the choice?" She nodded.

"I won't deny that I'd be more reassured with the second one."

"I..." I looked up at Kakashi. "What should I do?"

"I'd say to go for the second one as well. You already know Inoichi-san, right?" I pursed my lips and nodded.

"Okay."

"Well that was quicker than expected," Shizune commented, surprised.

"Akiko was right, Kakashi is the only one she actually listens to." I averted my eyes with a faint blush.

"It's not true." Kakashi chuckled lightly.

"Let's go then." She stood up. "Shizune, take care of things until I'm back."

"Yes."

We went to the hospital in silence. I wasn't even surprised the room was already ready.

There was no way out anymore.

"So, what happened?" Sasuke asked his sensei.

He had brought him, his brother and Shisui at Naruto's place to discuss.

"Well, I think I should start by saying last night, Akane tried to leave the village." Naruto widened his eyes in shock and Akiko closed her eyes painfully.

"She failed, right?" Shisui asked him. His relationship with Akane was not at its best right now, but to hear she actually tried to leave was…

"Yes. However, the Hokage can't leave her like that. She's suspended from active duty for an unknown amount of time." Kakashi's eye met Akiko's. "She's going to be in the psychiatric ward of the hospital for at least two weeks." Naruto jumped on his feet.

"My sister is not crazy!"

"I don't think it's what he's implying Naruto," Itachi told him calmly, his eyes still on Kakashi. "It's to make her face her problems once and for all."

"Problems? She doesn't..."

"Naruto, you know Akane has issues with her mental health," Sasuke reminded him harshly. "You're not blind." Naruto bit his lip.

"But we can help her, can't we?"

"I think it's too deep for just us," his aunt told him. He sat back down and leaned into her when she rubbed his shoulders. "Are we allowed to visit?" Kakashi sighed.

"No. She...doesn't want you to visit. She said that apart from the Hokage, Inoichi-san and I, she didn't...couldn't face anyone right now."

"But..."

"How is Yamanaka-san going to proceed?" Itachi asked Kakashi.

"Well...Akane asked for help, it's a big step. Now...they're going to bring every issue she has to the surface before she can start getting better."

"But it can't be that bad, right?" Naruto questioned him in worry. "I...I mean..."

"She had a psychological evaluation when she arrived in Konoha and it was bad, very...bad." Naruto clenched his fists and gritted his teeth. "Don't blame yourself for not doing anything before Naruto, some people need to hit rock bottom before getting better. Tsunade-sama is taking care of it personally." Akiko blinked at that statement.

"She is?" Kakashi nodded. "It...it's good."

"I'll come back to keep you updated. See you." In a cloud of smoke he was gone.

"We're going to leave as well," Itachi stated, looking at his brother. Sasuke noticed it and got up, nodding. "If you hear anything before us, wo..." Akiko smiled at him.

"Of course, we'll tell you. Thank you for looking after her." Itachi nodded quickly and left with Sasuke.

He shot his brother a look. He was quiet, and deep in his thoughts.

"It's not your fault Sasuke."

"As if you didn't blame yourself as well," Sasuke replied, glaring at the road. Itachi sighed slightly. He had a point. "I knew there were issues but I just...I thought she had dealt with them."

"She probably thought this as well." Sasuke scoffed.

"No, I'm sure she just put them aside to deal with them later but they all came back at the same time." He sighed. "Sorry nii-san, you asked me..." Itachi cut him off by poking his forehead. "You know I'm sixteen, I'm too old for that," he muttered, rubbing the spot. Itachi chuckled lightly.

"As long as you're younger than me I'll keep doing it." Sasuke rolled his eyes at him. "And I know you did your best. You had to figure things about yourself first Sasuke, it's not your fault." Sasuke averted his eyes.

"Then admit it's not yours either, you went to the Hokage to warn her, without you we wouldn't have known."

"...I guess it's true." There was a short silence and Sasuke smirked. "Something funny?"

"Just thinking it's funny we both have the Mangekyou because of the same person. I mean, the person is supposed to die but..."

"I don't know if Akane is stubborn or just cursed to stay alive." From the corner of his eyes, he saw Sasuke's mouth twitching a little. "Something's wrong?"

"Nothing, nothing."

They both went home, Itachi staying at his parents' for the night. He didn't want to go back to the apartment for now. From Sasuke's gaze on his during dinner, he understood that very well.

I didn't speak. I stared at the ceiling.

All day long.

Inoichi-san was nothing but patient, telling me he had seen his fair share of broken individuals because of the wars. Those were the same individuals I would hear screaming of terror at night.

Some people...never left the psychiatric ward. I had spent so long running away from it, even before I'd just ignore Naruto and Kakashi asking me to see someone.

"Good morning Akane," he greeted me as he entered my room. "I came with Tsunade-sama and Kakashi today." I didn't spare them a look.

I felt...empty.

"Do you feel like talking today?" Nothing. "Well, Tsunade-sama wanted to talk to you, do you feel like listening to her?" I shrugged weakly. He left and Tsunade-san sat down next to my bed.

"I know about your past Akane, but it's not really fair, is it?" I looked at her from the corner of my eyes. She had a serious look on her face. "I thought that...maybe I'd talk to you about my past a little, to make it even. I can't say I understand how you must have been feeling for the past nine years, but I do know grief and loss. Most of all, I know how desperate you can be to give up on everything and anything that makes you think about it and let people deal with their own shit." She smiled sadly. "That feeling, I'm sure you understand it." I looked at my hands on the sheet on my legs, clenching it.

I understood it too much.

"When I came back in Konoha, I dreaded it. It wasn't that much being the Hokage, but living in Konoha and knowing who wouldn't be here. It was picturing a future in a place I had no real ties with anymore."

"It's scary," I whispered weakly.

"It is, but eventually, you succeed." I nodded weakly. "That's why I can't imagine how it must feel to suddenly lose all of that to protect someone and going back to a time all the faces you never thought you'd see again are still here. If today I was sent back and saw Nawaki and Dan, both alive, I don't know how I would handle it." She smiled painfully. "I don't know how I would handle seeing Dan not even knowing me. If I...could change things and saved them, I would probably never let them out of my sight again in fear of them dying again. I wouldn't go through the grief a second time." I bit my bottom lip.

"But it's different for people who outlived me," I whispered in a broken voice. "Telling them or just being around them...it's different but it...it feels safer because they lived once without my help."

"Yet you can't avoid some bonds to be made." I smirked bitterly. "Do you know why it was easier for you to live in Kiri than in Konoha?" I blinked at her. "I think it's because you never settled down in Kiri like you did in Konoha. It was easier to do things in the Mist because you didn't see the different paths people you loved were taking. I guess in a way, you...were trying to keep your past alive."

"...maybe..." I admitted. "Picturing a future...no, how Konoha is right now...and how different it is, I guess it's forcing me to see what will never be. It's...not fair to them." I finally looked at Tsunade. "It's not fair to the people I loved and hurt by dying to...be here and thinking of the future I guess. I thought I did mourn myself and was over it but...I guess not." I hugged myself. "I don't want to forget...or replace them..."

"That's why you regret getting too close," Kakashi said quietly and I nodded.

"I've lived once, I've been telling myself I've lived once already so there is no need for me build a life here. It's..." I sighed. "You know that everything that I changed, directly or indirectly, I'll have to endure the price of what should have been?" Tsunade nodded.

"I heard about it."

"Well Shisui didn't die in front of Itachi when they were trying to stop a coup, so instead I watched Mangetsu die while we were about throw one." There was a painful lump in my throat, the awful burn of tears behind my eyes. "I kept Sasuke from defecting yet I tried to do the same and Kakashi stopped me. Itachi is not in the Akatsuki but my father is. Sasuke and Itachi..." I swallowed with difficulty. "They would have killed each other in just a few months, but now my father has taken Itachi's place, what do you think will happen?" They widened their eyes.

"You think you're going to face Ushio?" I looked at Jiraya-san, silently closing the window behind him. "Sorry, I was...doing research."

"Research, sure," Tsunade grumbled annoyed.

"I think so yes," I replied to his answer before smiling, defeated. "And I think I'm going to die there."

"Now Akane that..." Kakashi started but I shook my head.

"Yureis have mental health issues because of their conditions. The Claw..." I clenched my hand around my arm. "The Claw makes it worst, and do you know why? It's because someone acting as the hand of the Shinigami must know what death feels like. When I froze myself after the Chuunin Exams, I relived my own death. To get that Claw, I relived the other Yureis' death. Basically, I died eight times." I chuckled, but it was empty. "It's not really surprising I...can be so disconnected to reality, is it? It's only going to get worst. Yureis don't live long. The last one, Umiko, she lived for twenty years after her 'arrival' but the Uzukage told her she wasn't herself anymore. It's almost been ten years for me. I...this body will die before it turns thirty, I know it. I won't handle that power for ten more years."

"So you focus on the Akatsuki." I nodded at Jiraya-san.

"I didn't before but now, that Uchiha I...I want to understand." I had not told Kakashi it was Obito.

I would one day, he needed to know.

"It links me to before and by focusing on it...I guess I felt still linked to them."

"I was right, there was something deeper!" Jiraya-san suddenly exclaimed, proud of himself. I blinked at him.

"I tried to defect in part because of what you said." He froze and was the target of one, heated glare.

"Jiraya, what did you say?"

"Nothing! I didn't tell her to defect!"

"You told me you wouldn't condemn me if I did something as long as I was true to myself." I would have laughed at his face if I didn't feel so utterly depressed and tired.

"Well...well yeah but you weren't really because you were influenced!" he shot back, trying to avoid the deadly aura the Hokage was emitting. Even Kakashi moved aside.

"Oh, I suppose so..."

"Back to our topic," the Hokage continued, a pointed look for her teammate, who whistled innocently. "To get better, you'll need to...move on. For good. I'm not asking you to forget about them, but to realize once and for all that this is reality. Your reality. You are not here solely to beat the Akatsuki, even if only doing that is giving a sense of purpose in relation to your past. It is not healthy and will only kill you early. I don't care about you said earlier, I think I speak for all when I say we'd like you to stay alive and well." I pursed my lips.

"Then what do you suggest?"

"What did you do in Kiri that made you care about it?" I frowned.

"I involved myself in the Resistance, and rebuilding the village, improving it based on what I knew." Tsunade-san nodded.

"Well, once you're out of the hospital and ready, you should look around the village and see for yourself how it truly is today. I don't think you've ever truly looked at the impact Shisui not dying has had on Konoha. Get involved if you want, care. That you want to hear it or not, not everything is perfect and you are not just an asset but a person. I'm sure Naruto would rather spend time with you that knowing you're throwing yourself into the fight against the Akatsuki to protect him." I gulped. "Sure, he's not alone, but the kid grew up with you as his older sister, if you were to die for good, he'd be crushed, and he wouldn't be the only one."

"Thinking about it, you can thank Itachi." I furrowed my brows at Kakashi. "He's the one who told us you'd try to leave." I widened my eyes.

"How...how did he..." Kakashi shrugged with a knowing look in his eyes. I looked down, hoping my hair would hide my blush.

How did Itachi know?

"I think it is enough for today."

"Can you tell Inoichi-san to come back?" I scratched my cheek. "I...I think I...want to continue a little."

"As you wish."

"Kakashi. Can you bring books for me? In my room, in the nightstand, please."

"Sure."

He did. My collector edition of the first Icha Icha was missing though. There were bonus scenes.

Kakashi was a thief.

After a week and a half spent in the hospital, I decided to re-open the connection. Once in my mind, I turned around and faced three Hokage. I took a deep breath and bowed.

"I am sorry," I apologized. "I know you were trying to look out for me and I didn't listen. I almost ruined everything, please forgive me."

They didn't say anything.

"You better apologize to my son for what you said." I straightened up, staring at my feet in shame.

"Ye..." I was engulfed in a familiar embrace before I could finish my sentence. I embraced him back. "I will, sorry oji-chan." He sighed in my ear.

"See, I told you they'd see it before it's too late!" Hashirama told Tobirama, who looked away. "And it was an Uchiha, so that makes me even more right!"

"Shut up Anija, can't you see they're having a moment!" Hashirama burst into laughter.

"You still can't admit when you're wrong Tobirama!" Somehow, a big white fan appeared in Tobirama's hand and he used it to slap his brother on the head, sending him in the floor. I blinked in shock.

Now, nobody would let me do other things than focusing on myself. I didn't have to worry about Kumo not joining the Alliance because they refused to help train Naruto and Fū the way B had been, or how missions were going on outside, what the Akatsuki was doing.

Just...myself.

Me, my thoughts and my feelings.

Hey! Thanks for reading and leave a review to tell me what you thought of this chapter! Thanks to Raylis for the review!

Bye!