A/N: tbh if i ever say i'm gonna update consistently you shouldn't believe me but i love all the reviews and positivity you guys send me :) (p.s i don't actually remember if the series ever explains how to play pai sho but let's assume for the purpose of this chapter it's like chinese checkers cuz that's one of the games the avatar wiki said it's based on)

The list of things that Katara will miss when she leaves the Fire Nation is incredibly limited. She thinks of the turtleduck pond, and it's inhabitants, and how she'll miss seeing them down in the South Pole. She thinks of Zuko and how now, she hears of him more than she sees him; how he rarely spends time in his chamber as he's always up and active and doing something (though for the life of her, Katara can't figure out what 'something' is). He looks so, so much different to her in the few glimpses she catches of him, donned in robes and silks accented with gold, his eyes, more tired, more jaded. She wonders how different he'll look after she leaves, how long it'll be until she sees him again. (It's important to note that she does hope that, even though she's set to return home in a week, she'll have time to see Zuko again. Preferably outside of his forsaken nation.)

But one thing she thinks she'll miss more than she ever really anticipated are her games of Pai Sho with Iroh.

Now, she's in the garden with the retired general, in one of the gazebos amongst the fire lilies. They're not in season right now, not anymore. Katara knows from Hama that the lilies only live for a few weeks in the summer, but now, the young waterbender wonders if the flowers had only just started to wilt a few days ago, or if her own impending departure has made her more aware of everything's inherent temporariness.

"It is a shame you'll be leaving so soon," Iroh says, as if he can read her thoughts. He looks at the board between them, and Katara stares at him, at the kind, older man and how much she'll miss his gentle nature when she's back home. "I think if we had more time," Iroh continues, "You could become a real Pai Sho master."

"Thank you, Iroh," Katara says. She tops off her comment with a bright smile, though he doesn't notice it. His eyes are too fixated on the board between them.

"I imagine you must be very excited to finally go home though," he adds. "Have you heard from any of your family members since the war ended?" His fingers lightly brush the surface of several of his tiles, something Katara has seen him do many times before. 'Pai Sho is a game of understanding. You must get a feel for everything before you make your move.' She wonders how much of the advice Iroh had given her on the game applies to real life too.

"Not as far as I know," Katara says, which admittedly, she's a little surprised by. Of course, she hadn't set out time to really write them either. It was just something that slipped her mind, but she imagines that maybe it would've helped her loneliness, (or perhaps it would've made it worse) had she have had letters from her family just to check in with her.

"That's peculiar," Iroh says. "Perhaps we can ask around to make sure. But in any event, you'll be home soon anyway, which I'm sure is far more exciting."

"I'm happy I'm going home," she says. "But..."

"Ah," Iroh nods his head and looks up at her for the first time. "I knew you seemed a little distracted." Katara sighs, uncharacteristically loud, and folds her hands on her lap. The look Iroh gives her is one meant to prompt her to continue, but she doesn't know where to begin.

"It's Zuko," Katara says finally. "I just feel like he still needs... someone. I know he has you and Mai, but that can't be all he has." Iroh nods again and Katara wonders if that's just a reflex for him, if he simply uses that motion as affirmation that he's processing the ideas or if he's actually agreeing with the things she says.

"Zuko has a lot of responsibility now as Fire Lord, getting the nation behind him, trying to repair a century of damage. He's been very frustrated lately." Iroh finally decides on a tile to move and makes his play before he begins to speak again. "You're right about him needing someone, someone who can provide things for him in ways that I cannot. I think you have done an excellent job of being there for him and have truly aided his healing. I know he struggles with the way he shows it, but he has truly appreciated your presence in these past weeks. " Katara smiles again, but this time it's meek and awkward.

"Shutting me out is a pretty unorthodox way of showing that," she says.

"My nephew can be very reclusive," Iroh admits.

"And stubborn," she adds. Iroh chuckles and Katara pauses, staring at the game board between them before she finally makes her move.

"Are you sure that's the move you'd like to make?" Iroh asks when he looks at the game pieces. He nods at the obvious opening in her defense, how blatantly she allowed one of her pieces be opened up to his benefit, but she doesn't change her mind. Katara nods her head and Iroh waits a moment before reciprocating the action, moving a tile forward to capture the piece she had just previously moved.

"What if I didn't go back home just yet?" Katara muses, mostly to herself.

"As in, you would like to stay here? In the Fire Nation? For longer?"

"Yes," she says. "For Zuko." After too long of a pause, she adds, "For his wellbeing, of course." She reaches forward and moves another tile on the Pai Sho board, capturing the tile that Iroh had just used to take one of her pieces.

"Of course," Iroh says. "I know you have already given up a lot, for him, for his wellbeing. I do not doubt that you would give more either, though I wonder if you truly know what you'd be putting yourself through if you stayed here for longer." Katara tries to avoid his gaze, tries to ignore the thought of listening to Zuko's servants talk down to her, the thought of feeling outcasted for longer, missing her family until she finally breaks her protective attachment to Zuko enough to travel back to the South. Still, she's not sure any of this changes her decision. She's not sure if anything would.

"I'm staying," she says firmly, as if she has to say the words out loud to convince herself. "It doesn't matter what Zuko says either. I'm not asking him. I'm staying here until I know for sure he's going to be alright when I'm gone."

"You know," Iroh says before he reaches for another one of his tiles, "The interesting thing about self sacrifice is that it is always done with selfish intentions." He takes his tile and effortlessly skips across the board, over all of Katara's remaining tiles and effectively winning the game. Katara stares, eyebrows furrowed as she pieces together the move, how her poor calculation had led to such an abrupt victory for the older man.

"But how did you...?" Katara's voice trails off as she stares at the board, chin in her hands as she replays his moves over again in her head.

"When you hide your true intentions behind a false mask of sacrifice, you leave yourself most vulnerable to experiencing loss."

When he rests his tile down for good, Katara wonders how much of what Iroh said was meant to apply solely to the game.

.

.

.

"We've gone over this a dozen times already," Mai whines as Zuko continues reading one of the many scrolls laid out in front of him. He doesn't acknowledge her though, not really, beyond a small, unintelligent grunt to let her know that he is listening, at least a bit.

It's a little hard to focus right now, with Mai sitting on his bed, and Zuko on his floor, reviewing the many things his council requested he read when he cancelled their meeting the day before. He knows he's not going to retain most of it; he never does. Despite all his exposure to the political realm, some of the jargon still manages to go right over his head. He also knows that reading the same scriptures over and over won't help him come up with a solution, not with all the other things bogging down his mind. He's got so many things to focus on, reparations, peace treaties, Katara's departure that will only be in a matter of days...

The fact that the pain in his chest (coupled with his anxiety levels) is flaring up isn't helping things either.

"I have to meet with the council again in a few hours with a decision. Just run through it with me again," he says. He looks up at Mai, who is now crossing her arms and adds a sincere, "Please?"

She rolls her eyes, the way she always does before she gives in but for some reason, right now, it's not as charming as he normally finds it. He's not usually under this much pressure and even though he knows this is just Mai's personality, it's just in her nature to act this way, he wishes she could just assist him with this one small task without seeming so bothered by it.

Still, she looks lovely sitting on his bed; the light hits her pale skin in a such a flattering way and her hair neatly pinned up and out of her face. No matter how upset he gets, he cannot deny what a beautiful girl she is.

"You cannot feasibly remove the Fire Nation military from Ba Sing Se regardless of the tension that's currently rising among the people," Mai says. She pauses. "And now matter how much you want to." Zuko narrows his eyes. Mai holds her ground. "How will the Fire Nation pay for a mass relocation now that most of our sources of income no longer exist? Do you know how much it would realistically cost for us to bring that many people from Ba Sing Se back here?"

Zuko glares for two reasons. He hates the thought of the war, what it did to so many people and how, for a century, his nation became so dependent on colonization and genocide that without it, their economy is facing faults. He also knows that Mai is not exactly happy to see their nation under financial strain now. He can tell from the tone of her voice that she's baiting him. One wrong diversion will lead him into another debate between the two of them about whether the war was justified and whether Zuko is actually keeping his country's best interests in the forefront of his actions. Everything about her body language is screaming for a fight, her eyes, her frown, her tense, folded arms, but he resists. With another meeting right around the corner, he can't afford to waste time.

"Ba Sing Se was our most recent conquest," Zuko argues. "At most, our people would've relocated there for a few months. And regardless of loss of revenue from former colonies, we still have the biggest manufacturing industry in the world. We can afford to bring our military home." At least, he assumes they can. He's been avoiding actually checking the math on that. He's got a million other things to do besides crunch numbers, but his logic seems sound enough without the empirical evidence.

"What about the families that relocated to Ba Sing Se to be with the soldiers in war?" Mai asks. "Omashu was conquered less than a year ago and we have plenty of our people there. Are you just going to force people to leave the lives they created there as well? Isn't the land as much ours now as it is theirs?"

"It's not," Zuko says. "Not at all. Not even a little bit." The air is hot and still and quiet, so uncomfortably quiet that Zuko wishes he hadn't even started this conversation with Mai because, yet again, all it's led to is pointless arguing. He should feel worse for how frustrated he is, and has been, with Mai. He wants to feel bad, he wants to feel apologetic. He wants to look at her, sitting on his bed with the sunlight pouring in from the window and feel secure when he looks into her eyes.

Instead, he feels contempt.

He does not feel bad.

It's at that moment that his door bursts open, and he doesn't have to turn around to know who it is. There's only one person with enough gall to ignore all the centuries of palace etiquette to come and find him, but still, he turns to face the intruder anyway and the servant following close behind her.

"Katara?" Zuko asks, but the commotion that ensues prevents any formal greeting from taking place.

"Fire Lord Zuko, I apologize for this interruption—" the servant quickly rambles. It's an older man.

"Did you know that your servants have been hoarding my mail?" Katara demands. The question is painfully rhetorical. Everyone in the room can tell from Zuko's wide eyes that he's had no inclination that this was happening under his jurisdiction, but he feels obligated to answer.

"Of course not," Zuko says. He stares at Katara, and at first all he sees is anger, but it's different than Mai's. Katara isn't annoyed or pestered, the way Mai perpetually seems to be, but hurt. He looks into her eyes and he can see the feeling of intrusion and dehumanization stitched into her irises.

"I don't understand your anger," the servant says, facing Katara directly. "It's customary for concubines to be closely monitored so that we may prevent any interaction with previous lovers." The room falls silent. Zuko's jaw slackens as Katara's tightens. Mai snorts, loudly and uncharacteristically from where she's seated on Zuko's bed before finally rising from her spot.

"As much as I'd love to sit here and listen to this talk about Zuko's... Concubines... I think I better show myself out," Mai says. She looks directly at Zuko, and he has to use all his willpower not to turn this into a fight because there's no feasible way that this is his fault (nor is there any logical reason for Mai to be annoyed at him for this) but he knows, as with most of their conversations nowadays, if he says just one wrong thing, everything will explode between them. He lets her leave without so much as a farewell.

"You," Zuko points to the servant (he really ought to put learning people's names on his agenda. It feels rude to just point at his staff and not know more than a dozen names here and there, but now is hardly the time for reintroductions). Zuko is not so commanding-looking at this very moment. He's sitting on the ground in casual wear instead of his formal robes, surrounded by pieces of parchment, but the servant stands at attention anyway. "I want you to bring Katara all of her mail immediately."

"But, Fire Lord Zuko—"

"This is not debatable." The servant nods and bows without speaking again, leaving the room half hunched over to show his respect for Zuko's authority. Zuko looks back at Katara, but she's not looking at him. She's staring at the ground, swaying from the heels to the balls of her feet as if she's entranced and Zuko doesn't want to bring her back to reality. At least not to this one, where she's disrespected and ignored by the same people who worship at his feet.

"I'm so sorry," Zuko says, because there's nothing else he can say that can accurately depict how he feels about all of this. He knows it'll hurt when Katara leaves, but this... These situations won't happen anymore and it's good. It'll be good.

He hopes he can convince himself of this before the week ends.

.

.

.

There's no reason for Katara to be reading the letters she got outside, other than the fact that the she's positive the palace environment might very well be driving her mad. The servant reluctantly gave her four letters after Zuko had ordered it, all of which had broken seals and required Katara to clench her fists and stab her nails into her skin to keep from lashing out again. As glad as she is to have the letters, she regrets storming into Zuko's room the way she did. She's not entirely sure what he's up to on a day to day basis, but he has to have more important things to do than to order his servants to cater to her every whim.

She kneels at the turtleduck pond and smiles when the creatures all come to greet her.

"Did you miss me?" she asks. They all chirp at her. She'll miss them so much more in a few days time.

When the turtleducks settle and continue quietly floating through the water instead of paying her any attention, Katara picks up the scrolls and starts to read them again, starting with the one she received from Hakoda.

Katara,

I hope this letter finds you well. Your presence at home is missed, as well as your brother's, though I know he will return home in a few short weeks so that we may begin to rebuild or tribe. I'm incredibly proud of you and your decision to assist the new Fire Lord in his rehabilitation following the war. Your grandmother, as well as the remaining members of our tribe are so amazed by all that you have done. I cannot wait for you to come back to the South so that we can repair all the damages together. I hope the rest of your stay in the Fire Nation is comfortable.

Stay safe sweetheart. I'll be waiting with open arms when you come home.
Dad

She knows it's childish, but she takes the scroll and hugs it to her chest for a few moments before she opens Sokka's letter.

Katara,

I'm sure dad's already sent you a dozen letters since you're still in the Fire Nation, but on the off chance he didn't, hello! A little weird to be talking to you through letters huh? Suki and I dropped Toph off at her house, but we're staying in the Earth Kingdom for a while longer. We never realized how tough the relationship between Toph and her family was when we were travelling, so we want to stay here in case she needs somewhere else to go. I want to be hopeful that things will work out for her, but being optimistic seems more up your alley. I've got my fingers crossed though.

The Kyoshi warriors have started training again without Suki, but she'll be back in action in no time. She hasn't decided if she'll join me in the South yet, but if she doesn't, I'm thinking of splitting my time between the Southern Water Tribe and visiting her in the Earth Kingdom. I'll let you know when we iron out the details. Might be fun for the two of us to take on Kyoshi Island again.

I haven't heard much from Aang, but there's rumors going around that he's not the last airbender. People in the Earth Kingdom say there are airbenders scattered around the world, still in hiding until they can all regroup and find each other. I'm sure if you haven't heard from him yet, he'll get to you soon.

I wanna hear about what you're up to. How's the Fire Nation? Are they treating you well? I know you want to make sure Zuko's okay, but don't forget to take care of yourself too. Your safety should always be your top priority, and if you ever feel endangered, remove yourself from the situation until it dies down. Nothing is worth you getting hurt over.

Tell Zuko hi for me and Suki! We might pay ol' Sparky a visit in a few months time to catch up.

Til then, take care,
Sokka

The other two letters are from Aang, and despite her curiosity, she hasn't read them. Not yet. The last time she saw Aang was in the Earth Kingdom, when he was practically begging her not to go to the Fire Nation with Zuko. The fact that he wrote her twice makes her feel a bit nervous. Instinctively, she touches her lips and thinks of the two times Aang kissed her, once during the Day of Black Sun and again after they watched a play on Ember Island. She can let her imagination run wild with what his notes could possibly say without having to read them.

"Come out here to not think again?"

Katara looks up and smiles when she sees Zuko walk up to her and take a seat beside the pond.

"I wouldn't come all the way out here to not think," Katara says, and it's satisfying to see Zuko smile in response. The turtleducks splash and quack in the pond and it's calm. Almost calm enough for Katara to forgot the circumstances she's under so that she can fully appreciate the moment.

"I really am sorry that you're being treated this way," Zuko says. "If I could fix things, you know I would."

"I know," Katara says.

"That's why I've been thinking..." he trails off, plucking blades of grass from the ground and burning them between his thumb and forefinger. "I want you to come to a meeting with my council this evening. I know it's not really a consolation, but I value your opinion and since everything that's been happening to you lately has been related to people not letting you have a voice... I just thought that maybe... You might like to..."

"I'd be honored," she says. It almost feels ingenuine until she leans over and wraps an arm around his shoulders, offering him a small squeeze, a tiny semblance of a hug. "But... That's not enough. I've been meaning to talk to you; I want to stay in the Fire Nation with you. Just for a while longer."

"We've talked about this," Zuko says, gently shrugging Katara off of him. Katara tries not to look offended but she has a feeling she's failing.

"We didn't talk about it. You talked and didn't give me a choice," Katara says. She stops herself from arguing more. All she can think of is Iroh's advice, how sacrificing her escape from this wretched nation under the pretense of caring for Zuko's health could be setting her up for getting hurt, for more verbal attacks from the Fire Nation and more emotional exhaustion.

"This isn't something I'm willing to compromise on," Zuko says. "I'm just trying to do what's right for you."

"A wise man once told me that when you hide your true intentions behind a false mask of sacrifice, you leave yourself most vulnerable to experiencing loss," Katara says, repeating Iroh's words verbatim. Zuko stares at her, eyes narrowed, lips twitching into a wide smile.

"You've been talking to my uncle."

"A wise man," Katara corrects. Zuko chuckles and shakes his head.

"Maybe that wisdom will come in handy at the meeting."

"Yeah. Maybe." When the turtleducks start chirping again, it almost sounds like laughter.