Sixth Year, Part 7, 1997
Her visit with Lucius over Yule break was particularly momentous to Hermione because for the first time, she was able to stay with him overnight. It had required a little white lie to her parents, of course, and she did feel a tiny bit guilty about that, but she quickly put those thoughts out of her mind. The deceit was worth it to spend so much time with Lucius.
They dined in the grand dining room that night in the lodge, which had enormous windows overlooking the grounds. The snow had started falling hours ago and continued through dinner, making Hermione feel as if she'd stepped into a giant snow globe. Dinner was an elegant affair, with the two of them seated at one end of an enormous table. As at Hogwarts, food magically appeared on the table, the work of the mysterious Mipsy she'd yet to meet. Over dinner she sipped red wine and talked extensively with Lucius about defensive magical theory. It was such a change from the chaos of meals in the Great Hall or at the Burrow, and she felt very mature and sophisticated with him.
After dinner, he took her to the library - which was apparently smaller than that of Malfoy Manor's but still glorious - and permitted her to browse the collection at her leisure. She could have easily spent all day there among the stacks, and she told him as much.
"That does not surprise me. What sort of methods must I apply to drag you away from your books?" he asked teasingly from his seat in a wingback chair, a book on blood magic open in his lap.
She slid a book on elemental magic back onto the shelf and smiled at him. "Anything. Talk to me. You'll always have my attention, Lucius. Besides, if there's something here I want to read, you'll surely owl it to me."
"Indeed. What do you want to talk about then?" he asked, setting his own book aside.
"How is Draco?" she asked, taking a seat across from him.
"We are here alone, and you want to speak about my son. Should I be envious, pet? Have you chosen to trade me in for a newer model broom?" He said it in a somewhat teasing voice, one of his pale, perfect eyebrows arched at her.
"No! Oh my god, no! Draco is...ugh. Lucius, trust me, you do not have anything to be worried about there. He's more apt to hex me than anything else. I have no romantic interest in your son. You are the only, um, broom that I'll be riding."
She blushed then at having said such a dirty thing, and his laughter filled the room.
"How delightfully forward of you," he laughed.
"You did tell me that you don't share," she sniffed, still embarrassed.
"I do not. I'm glad you remember. Why did you ask about Draco then?"
"Well, you said he had a task…"
"One that I cannot discuss."
"I know. I know that I promised you I would protect him if I could, but it's almost impossible!" she wrung her hands, hoping he would not be disappointed in her. "There is never an opportunity to be around him outside of our classes. As I said he's more apt to insult me than confide in me if he believes the Dark Lord has someone spying on him or out to get him! I don't know what else I can do!"
Lucius sighed. "I do not expect the impossible. I was very angry when I asked you to look after him, and I recognise that you are not in the best position to do so."
"Does he… he doesn't know about us, does he?"
"No."
"Oh."
"Unfortunately, I do not believe he would be any more amenable to intervention on your part if he did."
"No, probably not. I would not want to come between you and your son," she said softly.
"I appreciate that. Given what lies ahead, I need him to trust me now, trust that I am looking out for him and have his best interests at heart," he said.
She nodded in silent agreement.
He frowned. "What you said before - has my son hexed you?"
She hesitated, and he sighed in response.
"I love my son, but he lacks discretion. It would have been preferable for him to befriend Potter rather than make an enemy of him at the start. Attacking you serves no greater purpose and is a distraction from the task he has at hand."
She noted to herself that Lucius did not promise to actually DO anything about Draco's generally unpleasant attitude and tendency to hex those he disliked. Part of her was disappointed that Lucius was not more concerned about her, but she brushed that away with the belief that her lover did not want to draw any attention to them. Plus it made her feel strong and powerful to think that he thought she could take care of herself.
"I am appreciative of your efforts, pet, and I wish for you to continue on this same path. I know it is not ideal, but it does make me feel better to know that someone else is looking out for him, even if he is unaware of it," Lucius said in a resigned voice.
"Of course I will," she said automatically. He could have asked almost anything of her, and she probably would have done it.
"Good. Then let us move on," he said. "I was unable to see you before the holiday, and I doubt I will have occasion to see you again before the start of the school term, so you must forgive the tardiness of this gift."
She watched as he withdrew a small wrapped present from his robe pocket. "Happy belated Christmas, pet."
"Lucius! I was not expecting a gift!" She really was not - just being here with the wizard she loved was gift enough.
"Open it."
She took it from him and tore excitedly into the paper, confident that the small box size indicated jewelry. She was not mistaken. Nestled inside on a bed of black velvet was a pendant, the round faceted blue stone set into silver or platinum.
"It's beautiful! Is that…" she cradled the pendant carefully in her palm as she studied the brilliant stone.
"A sapphire. Your birthstone, is it not?"
"It is! This is - oh Lucius, it's incredible!"
She felt almost obligated to say that it was too much. Wasn't that what one was supposed to do when presented with an extravagant gift? But she did not want to say it. She wanted to wear it, to show the world that someone cared about her, Hermione Jean Granger, enough to give her a precious gemstone. She would not be able to tell anyone it came from him, but she wanted it, and she wanted to wear it every day and know that she carried with her something else that he'd taken care to select just for her.
"Come here." He held out his hand to her, and she went to him, still holding the pendant. He pulled her into his lap, and she leaned in to kiss him.
"Let me have it. It goes on your bracelet," he said as she pressed kisses onto his lips and along the edge of his jaw.
"It does?" she paused to look at him.
He made a sound of agreement and reached for his wand. "Hold out your arm for me."
She watched in fascination as he magically attached the pendant to the bracelet, so it dangled prettily from the chain, just to the side of the monogrammed disc. She held up her hand to inspect it as soon as he finished, watching the way the stone caught the light.
"Oh it's so lovely! Thank you so much!" she gushed.
"It is subtle enough to not draw any unwanted attention."
"I have something for you as well," she admitted.
He looked genuinely surprised. "That is unnecessary."
"I know. But I wanted to."
In truth, she'd agonised for weeks over whether or not to get him something for Christmas. What did one get for the wizard who could buy anything his heart desired? It was amazing how well she thought she knew him until she tried to select a gift for him. Books seemed like an obvious choice, but what was out there in magical literature that he did not already possess? She knew from visiting his home in Scotland and his townhome in Kensington that he had exquisite taste that veered toward expensive art and antiques, the bulk of which were surely well out of her price range.
In the back of her mind, she told herself that if all else failed, she could offer herself, wrapped up in pretty lingerie, for whatever illicit, deviant purpose he desired.
The day after she returned home from Hogwarts, Hermione had a breakthrough. Her mother loved to visit antique stores and suggested they go shopping, and in a glass case in a dusty store, she found what she thought would be the perfect gift.
"I'll just go and get it," she told Lucius, standing up from her comfortable perch in his lap.
"Are you a witch or not, my dear?" he asked mockingly.
"What?"
He shot her a disapproving look. "Can you not accio it?"
Her face burned in mortification at the very muggle way she'd instinctively stood to walk from the room and physically get his gift from her bag.
"Oh. Um, of course. Accio Lucius Malfoy's Christmas gift," she said with a wave of her wand.
She opened the library doors to await the small box. It flew into her hands moments later, and she presented it to him with a shy smile.
"Happy Christmas, Lucius."
He pulled her back into his lap, and she watched with nervous anticipation as he unwrapped it.
"An ouroboros," he said as he lifted the antique lapel pin from the box.
The Victorian snake pin was jet and silver and ornately carved, with tiny sparkling eyes made from what the antique dealer swore were real diamonds. She'd had to be sneaky in her purchase of it to prevent her mother from knowing what she was buying and just how much she was spending on it. It had cost enough that she'd had to forgo the expensive lingerie she'd hoped to get for this occasion.
"Yes, I thought it very appropriate. It reminded me of you," she said softly, now nervous at his reaction.
"A snake eating its tail reminds you of me?" he asked, a hint of a smile on his face.
"In alchemy the ouroboros represents the eternal unity of all things, the cycle of birth and death. In Gnosticism, the serpent eating or biting its tail is symbolic of eternity and the soul of the world," she said, hoping that she had not gone too far into lecture mode.
"Yes. A most auspicious symbol," he said softly as he carefully examined the pin, "representing the unity of all things, material and spiritual, which never disappear but perpetually change form in an eternal cycle of destruction and re-creation."
She smiled. She'd been so certain he'd know what it meant. Of course the ouroboros represented Lucius to her. The unity of all the things, the symbol of eternity and the soul of the world - Lucius was everything to her. In the few short months they'd been together, he'd become her world, and only her steadfast desire to protect Harry and to help him fulfill the prophecy and bring an end to Voldemort and to war came close to her devotion to Lucius.
"Do you like it?" she asked nervously.
"Pin it to my robes," he said, handing her the ouroboros and setting the box aside. She took it from him with a shaky hand and carefully fastened the clasp on the back, unnerved by the way his eyes were trained on her face.
"There," she said, sitting back. She'd found it in a muggle antique store, but seeing it on his robes now, the pin definitely looked like something he might have chosen for himself.
"I shall wear it often. Thank you," he said sincerely, making her grin with happiness and relief that he liked it.
"You're welcome. Just being here is so wonderful. This is the best Christmas I've ever had," she said.
"Let's make it even more memorable then. I believe there are some lessons we must continue."
She frowned. She appreciated the dueling lessons and spell-casting and all of the books, but she'd hoped for a continuation of the enjoyable intimacy they'd enjoyed all afternoon and evening.
"Oh. Well, I suppose a library is a good place for lessons. What books are we using?" she asked, hoping that she did not seem ungrateful.
A positively feral grin spread across his face. "No books tonight, pet. Strip."
She could not get up from his lap quickly enough. She'd always loved libraries, always cherished time spent surrounded by books, and the idea that he wanted sex with her here in his library excited her. That dark, cold, snowy night in Scotland, Lucius Malfoy ensured that she would forever associate stacks of books and the smell of old leather and parchment with the sensation of his hands and his mouth on her body.
~oOo~
They slept in that same four poster bed piled high with blankets where she lost her virginity on her birthday. Despite everything they'd done together, she was incredibly nervous about actually sleeping beside him all night. What if she snored? What if he did? What if it was awkward and strange?
If he noticed she was nervous, he did not mention it, and she was thankful for that. She dressed in an inexpensive but pretty little lace slip of a nightdress that spent more time on the bedroom floor than on her body, and she wondered if all wizards were as seemingly insatiable as Lucius.
He drifted to sleep late that night, his body warm and naked beside her. She could not easily see him once he closed the thick velvet drapes around the bed, but she curled up on her side and watched him sleep in the darkness.
Was this what life was like with Lucius Malfoy? Engaging and thoughtful conversation, wine, books, sex? She knew there was more to him than that, that beneath the cold sophisticated image he presented to the public there lurked a passionate and brilliant wizard who feared for his son. He'd shown her a new side of him today, confessing the truths of his marriage to her. What other unknown sides of him would he show her in time?
She had his admiration and respect, she had some level of his trust, but she wanted more, so much more. She wanted him to love her, love her as she loved him. She wanted freedom for him, from Narcissa, from his service to the Dark Lord. She wanted to be able to walk down the street arm in arm with him, unafraid for the world to see them together.
It seemed like such a pipe dream, she admitted to herself. She could not do anything about the permanence of his marital bonding, but she could do her part to help free him from service to Voldemort and keep him from Azkaban. It would have to be enough. Lucius had once scoffed at the idea of turning traitor and spying on the evil wizard who'd marked him, but surely she could make him see reason. He wasn't a willing Death Eater, he cared about her, and he wanted to protect his son. Surely she could convince him to follow in Severus Snape's footsteps.
She drifted off to sleep beside him with this pleasant thought in her mind.
~oOo~
Thank you so much for your patience with me this week. This chapter was not part of the original outline, but after I posted the previous chapter, I thought we needed a little bit more of Yule. Thank you again to everyone who is reading and following along with this story. I'm blown away by your response. As always, I welcome your comments, feedback, questions, whatever.
-Elle