My mom's arms wrapped around me as she tried her best to stifle her sobs. My arms immediately went around her and I couldn't stop the tears that fell from my eyes even though I still felt that I didn't deserve to cry. She held me like a small child as our bodies shook against each other's. I could have stayed like that forever, wrapped in my mother's arms, her coddling me and protecting me from the world. When the hug finally broke, she pulled away cupping my cheeks placing a kiss on my forehead and wiping my tears away. Her eyes were rimmed with red making the tear tracks on her cheeks.
"I love you so much, Santana." She whispered as she stared into my eyes.
"And I'm so proud of you." That made me cry harder and she pulled me in for another hug. "Shh, it's all okay now." She cooed as I clutched to her knowing that I didn't totally fuck up my relationship with her. She peppered kisses to my head and then released me going back to sit next to my father who's eyes were also rimmed with red.
"I asked each of your loved ones to write you a letter expressing their feelings and I'd like them to read them to you, if you will." Dr. Thurman said motioning to my mom, dad, and Brittany. They each pulled out a piece of paper from different pockets and places. "Mrs. Lopez, would you be able to go first?" She asked handing my mom a tissue.
My mom nodded and opened up her folded paper where I could now see there was writing on. She dried her tears and cleared her throat before taking a breath. "My Dearest Santana, Ever since the day you were born, I've felt like my life was complete. You were the miracle baby that I wasn't supposed to have due to my difficulties concieving. Even when you were little, you were always very driven. You worked hard in school and if you wanted something, you got it despite other people's disbelief. The day you told me that you were gay was one of my proudest moments as a parent. You were so scared but I knew that you were just finding acceptance within yourself and finding the beauty in your heart. I love you more than I could ever tell you and I will always love you even after I'm gone. The day that Rachel and Kurt called be alerting me and your father of your drug use was one of the hardest days of my life. I felt like I had failed you as a parent and that perhaps it was in some ways my fault. The second I saw you, I knew that you were on a destructive path and it terrified me. You were cold and disconnected from not just us but everyone around you. Your drive and your heart were no longer present. For the next few weeks, I feared for that phone call that inevitably came. You're fortunate to be alive, Santana and I hope that you take this treatment seriously so that together we can restore your heart and your drive to the way it was. I love you and I will always be here for you, Love Mom."
My mom wiped the tears that were streaming down her face again with her tissue as my dad reached behind her and rubbed her back. Dr. Thurman handed me another tissue as I mimicked my mother's motions.
"Okay, good. Mr. Lopez?" Dr. Thurman asked after taking some notes. Suddenly my heart sped up and I felt a little panicky so I clasped my hands together tightly hoping that that would keep me somewhat grounded.
"Santana," My dad said before clearing his throat. "The first time I held you in my arms, I knew that I loved you. You were so tiny yet so strong even at an early age. My job from that day forth was to protect you and give you the best of everything. I had a feeling when you were really young that I was going to have to keep an eye on you because while you were brave and strong, you were also mischievious and impulsive. However, I was shocked to learn that you were using drugs. It angered me because that's not the person I raised you to be. It hurt me because I could see in your eyes that you knew it was wrong but you just didn't care. You disappointed me." That last sentence stung so I gripped my hands tighter and closed my eyes thinking that if I couldn't see him, it would hurt less. "I did everything for you and I still don't understand why you chose to disappoint us like that. However, I am proud of you that you chose to accept help. I hope that you can learn techniques to keep you clean and sober when you leave here. I still see you as my little girl and I still want the best for you. I love you, Santana. -Dad." He sniffled trying to keep the tears away, not allowing himself to cry in front of me. I'd never seen my dad like this before. He was always so strong and knowing that I made him hurt like this killed me.
"Brittany?" Dr. Thurman then asked.
Suddenly I felt the urge to throw up. I didn't know what was worse.
A/N - It may take me some time to update but I will try my hardest. I have to reread the whole thing since I haven't touched it in about 5 years haha.