How to Annoy the Order of the Phoenix
Summary:
The Malfoy family is now allied with the heroes. As such, Draco is now under the protection of the Order of the Phoenix. Bored, the young heir decides to find new ways to entertain himself and perhaps drive some people crazy in the process.
Notes:
Inspired by "40 ways to tick off the Order" by darkraven133 (youtube account).
The characters in this story belong to J. K. Rowling.
Sirius is alive and Lucius has never been arrested.
Cross-posted in AO3
Prologue
Draco was preparing to return home when he was called to the direction. Ignoring the feeling of restlessness that choked his heart, the blond put away his wand, smoothed out the non-existent wrinkles of his tunic and left the room in the male dormitory of the snake's house.
The teenager crossed the castle's deserted and silent corridors. All the inhabitants of Hogwarts were either having dinner or packing, as the young Slytherin should be doing. The train would leave early in the morning and he was nowhere near finished with his preparations for departure.
Did you have any idea how difficult it was to find space in his "tiny" chest so that he could store all his hygiene, skin and hair care products? Not to mention his elegant and expensive clothes, which in no way could reach home wrinkled. His mother would have a massive attack if she found a wrinkle or even a tiny stain on his clothes when she ordered one of the elves to unpack them.
Draco sighed and thought that it wasn't necessary so much trouble, since most likely his dear mother would spend the summer holidays buying him a new wardrobe, because, as she was not tired of saying, he was in full growth phase and his clothes quickly ceased to serve him.
Between thoughts, the young man reached the base of the statue that guarded the stairs to the entrance to Albus Dumbledore's office. He spiked his mind, shaking his head decisively and saying the password. He let himself be taken up the stairs, as they moved on their own, trying to postpone the moment as long as possible. Whatever the reason he was called, it could not be a good thing, after all… the previous times involved punishments, suspensions and threats of expulsion. Okay… he assumed he wasn't exactly a model student, in fact he had more problems than he could really count, but being called on the last day of the school's year was too much, even for him.
As he recalled, he had done nothing worth drawing attention to. Hmm… unless they had found out about the illegal dueling arena that he had set up in the dungeons. Nah, there was no way they could have found out, since everyone had been busier looking for the missing Professor Umbridge. May Merlin bless and care for her immortal soul! Well, there was no certainty about her death, but the slytherin liked to be optimistic.
When he least realized, the stairs became static and the door to the office appeared right in front of him. Reluctantly, Draco knocked on the door and waited to be granted permission to enter.
The door opened to reveal his mother's acquainted and familiar face.
"Mother! I didn't know you were here." Surprise washed over his face, but he quickly regained his composure. Above all, he was a Malfoy and shouldn't let his emotions show.
"Come on, Draco", replied the woman with a small and discreet smile that disappeared the instant she had turned around to face the director and company. "Sit down, we should talk about something important."
The teenager did as ordered and took a seat in front of the office and next to the patriarch of the Malfoy family.
"Young Draco!" exclaimed the old director.
The latter raised his head quickly and began to mentally pass on his possible excuses to whatever it was that he was accused of and his respectives alibis. Making a mental list of all his dubious activities from the past ... three months or would it be better to go back further and consider six months?
He kept his mind clear and raised his mental defenses just in case the old man decided to try to read his mind.
"Your parents came to me to ask for help in these dark times." The young man raised a thin eyebrow in disbelief.
Ask? The Malfoys never ask for anything and never admit a mistake even if they really made it. Unless this is his mother's doing. He loved his mother, but he had to admit that the woman, like a good Black, gave a fear of hell and it was precisely for this reason that she had his father eating in the palm of her hand. It was a state secret, but the one who wore the pants at home was not exactly the Lord, but the terrifying Lady Malfoy.
"Your mother made me realize that with the resurgence of you-know-who, it won't be long before he starts to gather his followers and in no way do I intend to endanger our family."
Translation… "If you don't get our son safe and away from the disgusting clutches of that self-centered maniac, say goodbye to your tool and welcome a life of celibacy!"
Yes, those were Lady Malfoy's exact and unhealthy words.
"As such, we have decided that your father will act as a spy, since Tom has already taken over Malfoy Manor", said the old man.
The minor stared at his father and then ignored him. Draco couldn't believe that his father had let that thing into their house, stepping on their soil, eating on their plates, sleeping on their beds. Ok! It was a matter of fact that when it was time to return home he would burn everything that thing had touched. Most certainly one of the elves would be able to tell him exactly what it would be necessary to dispose of, otherwise he would burn all the contents of the common areas of the mansion and buy new things. The mansion might as well use a redecoration. It was actually very good idea and in passing he would got rid of some annoying portraits of his ancestors who did not fail to criticize everything he did and tell him how he was not worthy of the name he carried.
"And where do I fit in all of this?" he asked crossing his arms and glaring at his father.
"The director gladly accepted to offer you refuge..."
"And mother?" he stood up dissatisfied with Lucius resolution.
"Unfortunately, Narcissa will have to stay at the mansion", interrupted the director. "Tom has already seen Narcissa and knows that she is at the mansion, so it would arouse suspicion if she disappeared overnight."
"And it doesn't rise suspicious that I won't be returning to the mansion for the entire vacation period. We are not talking about Christmas festivities where you can say that I am in the castle. Hogwarts closes during the summer", concluded Draco, not convinced by the adults decision.
"As far as he's concerned, you-know-who believes that you are conducting a survival training in the mountains in preparation to join his ranks", clarified the patriarch.
"And how long do you think he will believe that ragged lie?"
"Hopefully enough for the new school's year to begin", Narcissa replied in a calm and serene voice.
oOo
The door to Grimmauld Place opened, giving way to its newest resident. Draco came in and surveyed the surroundings. Was this the noble home of the Black family? It looked like ruins ... the walls were covered with mold that looked like it could be harmful to the health of any living being. The ceiling was not much better. The furniture was covered with dust and the lighting was anything but decent.
Dumbledore advanced down the hall, leading the youngest to the kitchen. When evaluating the conditions, Draco was able to verify that at least this part of the house was habitable and without health risks. Positive thing, because he was hungry and couldn't wait for dinner time.
As the hour approached and the smell of the delicious meal Molly prepared began spreading, the residents went down from their rooms and gathered in the kitchen.
"What the hell is the ferret doing here?" Ron pointed at Draco at the same time he was shouting in dismay.
"I am also very pleased to see you, love!" he replied, full of irony.
"Fred, come and meet our brother-in-law", said George, jumping in false emotion.
"When's the wedding, Ron?" Fred gave his younger brother a friendly elbow.
"In the afternoon of Saint Never's Day", he replied, upset.
"Oh! Why? Are you too busy in the morning, sweetie?" Draco asked, pouting and waiting for a kiss.
The twins brought up a calendar, adulterated by themselves, and began to analyze the dates.
"Well ... that would be ... here", they exclaimed in unison pointing to a date. "Exactly three days from now. Ronny, dear, you should have warned us. So much to prepare..."
"… the buffet, the flowers…"
"… the wedding dress", said Draco with glee, "what's your number of robes, weasel? It's very last minute and you still owe me a suitable marriage proposal, but something will be arranged", he concluded, unaware of the ecstatic look of the Weasley twins.
"Fred / George, he is perfect", they exclaimed in unison once again.
"The brother we always wanted..."
"… that will support us in our plans…"
"... is finally here", concluded George."
"Where did you hide that fantastic personality all this time? Okay!", they exclaimed with their thumbs pointing upwards "We have to start the wedding's preparations..."
"What the fuck are you talking about? Nobody's getting married."
"Do you not love me anymore, Ronny?" Draco hugged the redhead and made goo-goo eyes "Are you ... going … to abandon us!?" When the twins realized the idea, they made a face of complete disappointment at the same time that the blond placed his hand on his belly in an apparently protective way.
At that moment, the remaining members of the Golden Trio had entered, having completely different reactions. Harry's mouth was open and his eyes were wide. And as much as he wanted and tried to speak, his mouth moved but no sound was emitted. Hermione, on the other hand, denoted her know-it-all expression.
"I already knew that so much hatred had to have some reason. How well hidden you had it, Ron." The redhead threw Draco away, who was quickly "comforted" by the twins and words like cruel and ruthless were heard from their lips.
Unable to contain any more, the blond man burst out laughing and was accompanied by the twins.
oOo
A few days later, the twins left Grimmauld Place to resume their business duties. Feeling alone and abandoned, Draco was overcome with annoyance as he had lost his buddies.
Later that night, Draco found himself sitting on his bed with a notebook on his knees and scribbling something while laughing to himself.
Those who passed in front of his bedroom door ran whenever they heard his laughter, it didn't take long for them to start avoiding that particular place of the house.
Draco looked at the list and smiled. It had initially been purely hypothetical, but with such boredom that affected him, the blond decided to put into practice the methods he had gathered in his little notebook, of how to drive the Order crazy.