Dark Titans - Arc 3 - This Ain't A Scene!
Chapter 5
Enjoy if you will, Tolerate if you won't.
Cologne watched in resigned annoyance as Happosai didn't just duck under her swing, but actually swung under his Hydro line perch and used the heavy cable to launch himself up, and over the lip of the building right at their side. He'd really put a bit of mustard on that ascent, she had to admit. With a weary sigh, the ancient Amazon quickly followed suit.
She soared over the lip of the roof just in time to snag Agent Stevens out of the air with her staff before the fool male went flying over that very same ledge. With a twist of her weapon, she flopped the glorified mercenary back to the roof in an undignified, yet alive, heap. Unfortunately, in the time she wasted saving the useless fool's life, her quarry had made good on his escape.
She was treated to the rather frustrating sight of the last member of Ching Squadron being flung bodily from the helicopter before the machine started a recklessly fast and worryingly unstable ascent from the roof. Within seconds, the security chopper was flying off over the Metropolis skyline.
"Oh, by the Goddess," she swore to herself. She then tapped the mic in her ear, "You fools in that other mechanical monstrosity have twenty seconds to pick me up before I blow you out of the sky myself!"
Impressively, a mere seventeen seconds later, the matriarch was airborne and in pursuit of the aggravating lecher once more. She chalked the efficiency up to the fact that this craft's pilot was a woman.
It didn't take them long to catch up to Happosai's helicopter; it was obvious that his pilot wasn't cooperating any more than keeping them alive.
Cologne, now perched on the headrest of her pilot's seat, tapped the woman on the helmet. "I don't suppose you can shoot the fool down in a controlled manner?"
The pilot replied sharply, "Afraid not, Ma'am. Even if I could, we still have a man on that bird . . ."
The woman's words trailed off to nothing as they both watched in wide-eyed wonder as a figure was tossed out of the helicopter before them. Thankfully, the man's parachute deployed, but that was easily the last thing on the Amazon's mind.
In stunned silence, Cologne lowered her hand and the pilot wordlessly placed the helicopter radio into her hand.
". . . Happi, please tell me that you didn't just toss the pilot out of that helicopter . . ."
It took several long moments, moments filled with the light on the craft in the distance blinking on and off randomly, before the radio finally crackled to life.
"It was his own fault, Cologne! The man was flying all bad on purpose, just to let you catch up, I bet!"
Cologne stared at the small piece of plastic in her hand. ". . . are you insane? How are you supposed to fly without a pilot?"
"Bah! How hard could it be? I mean, you have a woman driving the one you're in."
The sharp click of the plastic safeties covering the weapon triggers was strangely in synch with her own thoughts at the moment.
"On second thought, Ma'am," the pilot looked up over her shoulder, "I believe that I can shoot him down."
Cologne swatted the woman's head, though she'd have to talk to Shampoo about getting the pilot a promotion later on, "Shush you." She then flicked the radio on again,
"Happosai, you colossal idiot! You don't even have a clue what any of those controls do!"
Silence reigned for a long minute, then-
"Hmmmm . . . that could explain why it looks like I'm about to crash into that billboard . . ."
The Matriarch slapped a hand to her forehead, even as she watched Happi's helicopter begin to list inexorably towards the aforementioned 'Dr. Pepper' advertisement. And then, a scant few seconds later, the armored personnel carrier slammed into the massive signage. First the rotor blades bent, deformed and snapped as they smashed into the steel beams that held up the billboard, even as the body of the craft tore through the oversized bottle of overly sugared beverage and proceeded to crash to the roof in a blaze of steel fragments and sparks . . .
Then, for no discernible reason, it exploded.
The pilot looked up in her direction, "Do you want me to shoot the wreckage, you know, just to make sure?"
The Elder Amazon just barely managed to contain the smile that threatened to spill out onto her face, "No need for that, Dearie. There is no way that the Fates would be so kind as to actually trap Happi in that conflagration." She took a moment to quickly scan the disaster area from their bird's eye view . . . "In fact, there's the old goat now."
She gestured with a gnarled finger to the tiny speck that was currently swinging down the building's fire escape with all the carefree abandon of a chimpanzee. Cologne quickly hopped off the pilot's seat and over the heads of the six agents to get to the side door.
"I'll take my leave of you now. Maintain this height and keep an eye on the old Lecher. The last thing we need is a repeat performance."
Then, with an incrementally widening smile . . .
She leapt from the helicopter.
Jinx back flipped up and over Mousse's entangled form, the blade of Shampoo's sword passing less than an inch before her eyes. She watched, pink eyes wide, as the tattered bandanna that had been braided into her hair split in half, then unravelled to float off into the night . . .
Even before she landed, her slitted eyes narrowed dangerously as she returned her gaze to the violet eyed Amazon.
"You cut my bandanna," she hissed through gritted teeth.
At that, Shampoo's furious demeanor suddenly shifted; the voluptuous young woman leaned back, now wearing a superior smirk on her smug face.
"Is good, it look stupid anyway. Next, S - I help improve looks by removing hideous excuse for face."
"Ummm . . . ladies? . . . Need I remind you that this isn't a death match?" asked a very nervous sounding Mousse.
"Shut up, Mousse!"
"Shut up, Mousse!"
Jinx punctuated her shout with a burst of pink energy to Mousse's feet, which instantly caused the mountain of chains around the boy's ankles to explode up into the air and bury the unfortunate weapon master under an avalanche of cold, hard steel-
"Ahhh-oof!"
With that distraction dealt with, Jinx returned her attention to the bedraggled but still annoyingly good looking Shampoo.
"You wanna piece of me? Why don't you come and get it, you brain dead Bimbo?"
The Amazon snarled back, baring her teeth, "Only part I want of you is your head, and Amazon always take what she wants."
Shampoo then moved to prove her point, leaping straight over Mousse's prone form and lashing out with a two-handed slash of her oversized sword. Jinx's eyes widened in shock at the speed of the attack and she fell backwards into a desperate roll to avoid it.
A second later, she pushed with all of the strength in her narrow legs and launched herself from her crouch up into a soaring back flip as Shampoo's blade smashed into, and through, the roof. As soon as the young witch landed, she lashed out with a glowing backhand – only to retract the limb, now decorated with a long, shallow cut that ran from wrist to elbow!
'That bitch!' She let out a pained hiss and clutched the bleeding limb to her chest. Fighting Shampoo wasn't anything like fighting Mousse. The lavender haired Amazon was blindingly fast and appeared to be harboring a serious hate-on for her.
She didn't have much time to contemplate that, though, as Shampoo was on her in a flashing whirlwind of steel. Jinx was forced back yet again under the assault of the razor edged blade; she found herself resorting to every dodge and evasion that Happi had taught her over the past few weeks. Despite the size of her opponent's sword, the violent Amazon's insane strength let her swing it around like she would swing around a cedar switch, and despite Shampoo's bimbo-ish appearance, she was damn good!
What the hell was she going to do? The violet eyed Amazon had her beat in speed, strength and skill . . . The only thing that the sorceress really had on her side was luck . . .
Oh, right! That and her incredible magical powers! Not to mention a mean streak a mile wide.
The cat eyed witch began to chuckle darkly to herself, even as her forearm continued to throb painfully. Happosai had been stressing his ME ME method of combat so much lately, that she kept on forgetting that she was genuinely powerful in her own right.
Jinx ducked under a horizontal swing, then spun to the side to avoid a sneaky snap kick without even bothering to stand up. As soon as she finished her spin, now tucked neatly by Shampoo's side, she threw herself into a forward roll, putting a few yards between herself and the psychotic Amazon.
She regained her feet fluidly and twirled around gracefully to face the furious warrior who was doing the same thing to face her. Jinx didn't bother with a jibe, she just stuck out her bleeding arm and waved Shampoo in with a single finger.
"Finger taunt, Bitch!"
. . . Okay, maybe just a tiny jibe . . .
The swordswoman was more than happy to oblige, surging forward into a rapid, low charge, gleaming sword trailing a shower of sparks in her wake.
The Amazon only made it four steps before the cockily smiling sorceress casually swung her good arm around, unleashing a livid wave of boiling pink energy!
The wave of pure, cotton candy doom shattered the roof, scattered gravel and bludgeoned structures to scrap as it scoured across the crown of the building. Everything vanished from her sight for a moment, though she heard Mousse letting out a shocked shout before the pile of chains was consumed by the wave of neon pink.
When the attack finally subsided, the witch smiled triumphantly at the look on her opponent's face. Shampoo had avoided the attack, narrowly. The Amazon was now perched on the very far ledge of the roof, precariously balanced on the crumbling ledge of the building and taking in harsh, ragged breaths. Though she wasn't injured in any way, the wide eyes and shocked expression told Jinx everything she needed to know.
Oh, yes, she had just rocked Shampoo's world.
Happosai dropped down to the third story's fire escape, bounced off the railing and launched himself off again. He errantly swatted away another piece of the flaming remains of the helicopter that was raining down after him, and then alighted on a windowsill of the adjacent building. With one final push, he launched himself out of the disturbingly tidy alleyway, caught his pipe on yet another power line and did one full revolution before sending himself soaring over the four lanes of hectic Metropolis traffic.
With nary a thump, the ancient master landed on the roof of a moving city bus and finally allowed himself to take in a long, revitalizing breath. Honestly, this chase was starting to grate on his nerves. Hopefully his close scrape upstairs would put that old bat off his trail long enough for him to catch his brea-
Why did he keep doing these things to himself?
With a resigned sigh, the progenitor of the School of Indiscriminate Grappling dove to the front of the bus, just as Cologne's plummeting form careened violently into the vehicle's roof right where he'd been standing. The steel of the bus warped and twisted under the ancient Amazon, collapsing into a crater nearly two feet deep and four feet wide; Cologne sat perched on her staff at the heart of the destruction, the point of her wooden implement impaled nearly another foot straight through the sheet metal of the bus's shell.
Wow . . . he sure hoped that this bus was out of service, or someone might be in severe need of an aspirin about now . . .
"Honestly, Happi, you didn't think it would be that easy, did you?"
Happi tilted his head, smiling wryly.
"Ya know, for a second there, I kinda did."
Both grand masters chuckled for a minute, then Cologne hopped off her staff and tore the weapon from its rest to the sound of tearing sheet metal. Happosai quickly considered his options. A: He could actually get serious and turn this into a real battle. However, he had no idea how long a fight of that magnitude would last, or how much attention it would draw, especially in this city. Not to mention the fact that he still had to meet up with his Disciple later on. B: He distracted the hell out of Cologne and lost the old crone in the confusion. Unfortunately, that plan hadn't been working out too well so far, but he wasn't really too interested in finding out just how far Cologne was prepared to go to bring him in.
. . . So, fight or flight, the eternal question. Well, when all else fails: Play to your strengths.
"Happo Daikarin!"
He pulled out the small, spherical firecracker and flung it at his opponent with lightning speed. With his other hand, he pulled out a smoke bomb . . .
And dropped it at his own feet!
Cologne snatched the tiny explosive from the air and frantically pulled out the angrily sparking fuse out before it could explode in her face. As soon as the bomb was defused, literally, she tossed its remains over her shoulder and let out a relieved sigh.
That had been a close one . . .
It was about then that she registered the dispersing cloud of smoke at the front of the now immobile bus.
'What was with ninjas and smoke pellets?' she asked the skies above.
A single leap took her to the far end of the vehicle and a quick sweep of her staff dispersed the rest of the smoke. The parting cloud revealed a sight that made the old woman pinch her nose in disgust-
"Get me outta the city, and step on it!"
Happosai, perched on the roof of a yellow taxi, tossing a handful of bills in the window at the unsuspecting driver. A second later, the tires of the public transport squealed as if in pain and the taxi tore off down the street, swerving around other vehicles with the reckless abandon that only a cabbie was truly capable of.
She stared, wide eyed, for a moment. That must have been a good amount of money . . .
Well, two could play that game!
As with any city of this size, there were more taxis on the street than personal vehicles, so she took her pick of the litter and leapt onto the roof of one of the vehicles herself. She quickly swung down and tossed her LexCorp Platinum Card in the window and barked at the driver-
"Get me beside that taxi! Yes, the one with the dwarf on it!"
When the driver saw exactly what it was she threw to him, his eyes nearly popped from their sockets. In even less than a second, she was forced to grab onto plastic taxi sign as the vehicle suddenly roared to life and flew forward like the hordes of hell itself were after it! It took her three whole seconds to regain her balance enough to stand up on the back of the wildly bucking beast beneath her as this taxi did a fine job of imitating the insanely negligent driving that Happi's cab was already committing.
Her noble steed swerved to the right, then to the left, flew over a shallow incline then blasted straight through a red light and four lanes of traffic. Cologne actually let out an excited hoot as her cab missed getting demolished by three different transport trucks in as many seconds! This was almost as fun as that Dukes of Hazzard show she liked to watch. Of course, she then realized what she had done, and quickly schooled her features. No need to look undignified just because she was taxi surfing down Main Street in Metropolis in pursuit of a rampaging pervert.
Unfortunately for Happi, it appeared that Plastic beat Paper in this city, especially when that Plastic had LexCorp's name printed on it.
It only took a few minutes before Cologne's taxi finally pulled up beside Happi's and she quickly scooted over to the edge of hers and took a swing at the old pervert. Her opponent parried her staff with his pipe and riposted expertly, only for her to deflect the attack in return.
Soon, the clacking of wood on wood at Amaguriken speeds nearly drowned out the sound of the roaring engines, beeping horns and the distant wailing of police sirens desperately trying to catch up.
"Would you-" Thrust-Parry-Slash, "Give it up-" Duck-Weave-Counter, "You insufferable woman!" Happosai cried out in frustration.
Their cabs smashed together violently, apparently their drivers were starting to take the fight personally as well, nearly causing both masters to go sailing into the air. Neither would give the other the satisfaction of getting mangled in a car accident at this point, though.
"Dead or Alive-" Jab-Feint-Lunge, "You're coming with me!"
"Damnit, Cologne! Stop quoting obscure movies!"
Happosai ducked back to the far side of his cab's roof, taking a quick glance over his shoulder as he nearly teetered over the edge. The ancient pervert then growled darkly, his eyes glowing with crimson power. In an unexpected move, Happosai suddenly threw his empty hand forward, a burst of pure ki exploding from his palm.
So! He wanted to up the ante, eh?
She nimbly twisted out of the way, the crimson bolt of life energy careening past her and demolishing a small lingerie store on a passing street corner. Then, just as Happi let out a cry of ultimate anguish, she spun back and unleashed her own bolt of silver-white ki straight back at him!
Except, at the very last second, Happosai smiled!
Unlike her, the pervert didn't dodge! In fact, he hopped up and back slightly, letting the attack strike him right in the chest and carry him clean off of the roof of the speeding cab and right towards the sidewalk that ran along the street . . .
Where the old goat's forward momentum arrowed him perfectly down the sidewalk staircase that led to the subway system!
Even worse, Happi had the audacity to wave to her just before he vanished from view!
Cologne let out a string of expletives that would only be possible for a person with a hundred years of experience and the knowledge of nearly a dozen different languages to truly appreciate, as her taxi sailed past the subway's entrance, neither driver realizing that they were now one shrunken master short of a pair. Still, for pure simplicity, there were only two words that could properly sum up her feelings at that moment:
"Goddess Damnit!"
Happosai rode the Ki blast through the air, wincing internally, even as he smirked to Cologne. And then he flew down the stairwell, exactly as he'd planned. Oh, the look on the old woman's face as her cab flew down the street at those ridiculous speeds!
It was right about then that he discovered an inherent flaw in his otherwise perfect plan-
With a crack of thunder, the bolt of spiritual energy slammed him into the far wall of the staircase with enough force to shatter the concrete. His body pinballed from one wall to the other roughly seven times as he ricocheted down the corridor before shooting out into the subway proper and skidding to a painful stop about a dozen yards in . . .
". . . perfect . . . plan . . ."
All around him, people stared at his crumpled form, probably wondering if he'd already been dead for a few years before he came bouncing down those stairs. Luckily for the ancient master, a pretty young lady moved tentatively forward to see if he'd survived . . .
"Um . . . a-are you okay, Mister?"
Ahh, what a respectful young woman, he'd have to be especially pol-
"Sweeto!"
Ah, screw it! He didn't have time for niceties. In a matter of minutes, thanks to the blissfully crowded nature of the Metropolis subway systems, and the excellent quality of the city's Fitness Centers, Happosai was feeling like a million yen again.
He didn't have any trouble getting past the ticket booth, either. A quick leap sent him soaring over the ridiculous turnstiles and the angry mob of women, boyfriends and husbands kept the guards and attendants from chasing him.
A hop, a skip and a jump took him over to the nearest subway car. He got there just in time for a pleasant chime to sound, signaling that the doors were about to close.
Oh, how perfect his timing was!
With a friendly wave to his adoring public, he slipped between the sliding doors just as they closed off the train from the mob. A few angry pedestrians banged uselessly on the glass of the door, but, inexorably, the train began to pull out of the station.
Happosai cackled happily as the bland scenery of the subway station was replaced by the dark blur of the tunnel system. It sure had been nice of those girls to help out such an old man; admirable, really.
And such pretty souvenirs . . .
Absently, as he admired the fine workmanship of one of his latest acquisitions, he noticed out of the corner of his eye, that he wasn't nearly as crowded as he had been when he'd gotten on the train . . .
The sliding hiss of the inter-car doors closing on both ends of the car shed a bit of light on that little mystery. 'Oh, well', he thought to himself, 'More room for me!.' Well, him and the homeless guy sleeping under a newspaper at the other end of the subway car, but Happosai was a notoriously generous man.
Quite happy with his clever escape, he took a seat an let out a sigh of relief. The gentle rocking of the train was a relaxing change of pace from that damnable helicopter, what with all of the swaying and exploding and what such. Still, he did have places to go, and a Disciple to see . . .
Ahh, there was what he was looking for. Sitting above the door he had just hopped through was a map of the subway system.
"Now, let's see . . .," he muttered to himself.
He'd gotten on at Main and Bloor and was riding the East Bound train. Unfortunately, to meet up with Jinx, he needed to be on the West Bound. Well, no big problem, he'd just get off at the next station and switch trains.
While he was dwelling on the thought of his spunky student, he wondered how she was faring. The ancient master wasn't at all worried about Shampoo, but that Mousse boy could be a handful for someone with the witch's limited training. He had faith in her, though. A good villain could always make a good escape when they needed to . . .
Hmm, but Mousse and Shampoo were working with Luthor now, so did that make them villains too? And if so, were they bigger villains than him and Jinx?
Now that would be unacceptable!
The rocking of the train began to lessen as the train began to roll gently into the next station. Well, he'd find out soon enough. If worse came to worse, he'd just have to go rescue the lovely, though still a little underdeveloped, sorceress.
Couldn't leave his favorite pupil ever in the clutches of someone like Cologne-
God knows that the old crone might teach her responsibility, or something equally horrible!
He shuddered at the terrible thought. Yes, maybe checking up on his student wouldn't be such a bad idea. That in mind, he hopped out of his seat and moved to stand in front of the door, waiting for the train to come to a complete stop. Finally, with a polite chime and a quiet his, the doors slid apart –
Revealing the withered face of Cologne!
"Inconceivable!"
Cologne rolled her eyes.
"If you consider a fifty percent chance of being right to be inconceivable. The station you got on at only goes east and west, you old fool."
Happi slapped a hand to his forehead.
"Damn! B-but how could you possibly get ahead of me?"
"I gave the man a platinum card, Happi. I arrived here with enough time to stop for a coffee."
The old woman then took three tiny steps forward onto the train, bringing her literally nose-to-nose with him. A moment later, the doors slid closed ominously behind her. He could practically feel her dry, hot breath on his whiskers.
"Now, Happi, where were we?"
Jack Johnson, Certified Public Accountant, carefully checked his collar for the seventh time as he waited for the train. He couldn't believe how badly he'd lost track of the time. His wife had been expecting him home for dinner hours ago. It was a guarantee that he was in for an earful when she finally got her claws into him, but if she found out exactly why he was late, well, it'd be a short trip to the divorce lawyer's office for him . . .
The distant squeal of steel on steel heralded the imminent arrival of his train.
"Finally," he muttered impatiently.
He waited, expectantly, as the light of the subway car came around the bend and the train began its final approach into the station . . .
Except, the train wasn't slowing down . . . and-
His thought was put on hold, as an explosion of flame and smoke burst out of the tunnel, nearly obscuring the entire train for a moment! The train then blasted through the cloud, still hurtling through the station at full speed.
. . . The hell?
The first three cars were packed in like sardines! But it was past eleven o'clock! And what had that explosion been?
Both mysteries were answered as the train continued to barrel through the station. The fourth car was completely dark, the power shorted out and the windows all shattered; the fifth car . . .
The fifth car was barely even there!
The entire car was a wreck of twisted steel, like the entire section had tried to bloom open into a magnificent flower, except it forgot it was being dragged through a narrow tunnel.
The final two cars looked to be fine from his position. The only strange thing being that the last car wasn't abandoned like all of the cars between. It had what looked to be a normal number of people, but none of them were moving! Most notably the conductor!
And then the train was gone, only a billowing cloud of black smoke left as evidence of its passing . . .
Jack Johnson, Certified Public Accountant, stared at the cloud of smoke that trailed off after the train, then looked down to his watch.
". . . Screw it, I'm taking a cab . . ."
Cologne coughed out a lungful of smoke, only to unexpectedly suck in a revitalizing gasp of clear air as the train suddenly emerged from the underground tunnel to begin traveling over an elevated track. On the far end of the subway car that was now their battlefield, Happosai was doing the same. She chuckled wryly, the foolish old man looked patently ridiculous, all covered with soot as he was.
The fight hadn't gone as expected, though, with Happi fighting much more seriously than anticipated. In fact, he'd nearly caught her with that idiotic 'Happo-Mold Burst' of his. Unfortunately, he had caught everyone in the last car –
"Happo Daikarin – Rapid Fire!"
Cologne's eyes widened as the diminutive pervert suddenly pulled a small mountain of his trademarked fusebombs from behind his back and began to hurl them at her at ridiculous speeds!
Had she had the time, she would have boggled at the sheer amount of ki required to perform such an attack . . .
Instead, she brought her staff up before her and began to spin the implement as quickly as her Amagurinken trained reflexes would allow. A second later, the bombs rained down on her. With a clacking sound so rapid it reminded her of that damnable card that Shampoo had stuck in the tire of her bicycle, she wildly deflected the steady stream of tiny explosives, knocking them off in completely random and uncontrolled directions.
A moment later, the night sky lit up around them as the bombs began to explode in a dense series of colorful explosions. Billboards were torched, buildings were scorched, and any people that happened to be wandering the streets at that moment were treated to quite a show!
The bombardment continued for a good three city blocks before her opponent finally had to let up. As soon as the whiskered pervert did, now wheezing for oxygen, Cologne quickly capitalized on the super heated air around her, combining it with the powerful spiral that her staff had already created with her harried defence. Just one tiny burst of cold ki and-
"Horizontal Hiryu Shoten Ha!"
Though weaker than normal, the cyclone still possessed the power to rend the steel surface of the flimsy subway car as it tore hungrily towards its prey. Glass shattered, steel fragments flew and people screamed, but it was all drowned out by the howl of the crawling dragon!
And then, right before Happosai could be consumed by the dragon's wrath-
The train took a not so gentle turn to the left!
Even as the train veered off to the side, carrying a relatively unscathed Happosai safely out of the path of her attack . . . the cyclone itself continued straight ahead. Within moments, the ki infused tornado tore into a passing building, devouring directly to its heart before the winds finally lost cohesion.
". . . Oops?"
Her morbid staring at the rapidly receeding chasm she'd carved into the building was rudely interrupted.
"Bwahahahaha!"
Cologne turned to glare at the mirthful pervert.
"Nice shot, Cologne! I didn't know you were so serious about interior decoration!"
Well, she was, but that was aside from the point.
"You'll regret those words, H-"
"Obstacles are for killing!"
This time, Cologne's eyes nearly popped from their sockets from shock as the radio in her ear suddenly screamed to life. Without even thinking, she spun around in the direction she imagined her Great Granddaughter might be.
By the Goddess! What was that fool girl doing?
"Shampoo. Call off your attack and return to base, immediately."
For a dangerously long moment, silence was her only answer, then-
". . . Yes, Great Grandmother."
Cologne boggled further at the sheer insolence in Shampoo's voice. It was almost beyond belief. Oh, there would be words when she returned to base, that much was certain.
It was right about that moment that the ancient Amazon realized that she had actually turned her back on Happosai . . .
With a resigned sigh, she turned back to face to old pervert, and, very much as she imagined: Happi was gone.
Oh, yes . . . someone was going to die for all of the embarrassment she'd suffered that night. The way things had been going, she was beginning to hope it would be her. Cologne sent a pleading look to the heavens.
"Goddess, why do you hate me so?"
It was at that precise moment, as if in sharp rebuttal to her heresy, that a blur of motion from the back of the train caught her attention. 'Oh, ho!' Apparently Happi hadn't gotten as far as she'd feared. She managed to catch a glimpse of him just as he leapt madly from the back of the train into the concealing darkness of a construction site which the train was just now passing.
She looked up to the sky quickly-
"I humbly apologize!"
Then leapt from the train in pursuit.
Jinx smiled malevolently at the hunter that had just become the hunted. A rooftop littered with destruction now separated the two seething females, and unfortunately for the building's owner, meta-human brawls weren't covered by their insurance.
"I'm afraid I've got more important things to do then play with you, Shampoo, so I'm gonna have to end this the quick and painful way, if you don't mind."
With that, the sorceress swung her good arm up in a sharp arc, unleashing a razor thin crescent of neon energy burning through the air in the Amazon's direction. To her annoyance, Shampoo casually stepped around the sizzling blade of energy, letting it slash through the ledge beneath her and soar off into the night. So Jinx threw another, spinning around and swinging her arm across in a wide arc.
"You think Shampoo scared of you?" asked the increasingly confident Amazon as she easily ducked under the horizontal blade of pink.
"You second stringer, you beaten by Titans, you beaten by Raven . . . you beaten by pig boy," Shampoo hissed the last part as if it was the worst insult, "You loser, and Shampoo never be scared of weak coward like you!"
Jinx felt her eyes begin to blaze with power as a strangled scream tore itself from her lips. Every syllable pounded against her skull, the hint of truth in each accusation giving them more power than the young witch would have imagined possible.
"S-shut up!"
She launched her fist straight forward, a burst of energy exploding from her clenched fingers in a destructive burst of power. A scar four feet wide and a dozen long was torn into the building as the roof collapsed beneath her rage given form . . .
Shampoo looked down at the makeshift chasm from her place several feet safely out of the way. The violet eyed Amazon then shifted her attention back to Jinx, tilting her head as if in deep contemplation.
"Make sense, when you think about it. Explain why Witch Girl like Pig Boy. Second place girl settle for second place man. But you no even have guts to fight for him, you run away like little boy and . . . well, at least you do right thing and let better woman have prize . . . even if prize is worthless junk . . ."
"You Bitch!"
Screaming in fury, Jinx gave up all pretence of skill and just dove for the Amazon. Each of her fingers lit up with a jet of neon plasma an inch long as she recklessly charged Shampoo's smugly smiling face.
The night screamed as her sizzling claws ionized the very air around them. The furious sorceress lashed out again and again, attacking Shampoo like a wild animal. If her victim looked at all concerned about the damage that those tiny pink cutting torches could do, she didn't show it at all. In fact, it was Shampoo that evaded the attacks effortlessly now. The lavender haired warrior didn't even have the common decency to look like she was trying, her long sword resting casually across her shoulder . . .
Unfortunately, Jinx realized her mistake too late, pretty much the exact moment that her head was rocked to the side by a contemptuous backhand from Shampoo. The strike landed with enough force to actually send Jinx spinning around to a clumsy, skidding stop several feet away.
Jinx danced dizzily along the edge of the crevice that she, herself, had created, but quickly spun to face Shampoo . . .
Just in time to see the wicked blade descending straight for her face!
Instinct flared to life, far faster than mere conscious thought could hope to. Luckily, before her mind could realize what a stupid idea it was, her hands flew forward, intent on catching the blade between her palms. Of course, under normal circumstances, this would have been suicide, since Jinx wasn't anywhere near strong enough to actually stop a strike from Shampoo . . .
However, with the equivalent of ten cutting torches now burning merrily from the tips of her fingers . . .
Jinx watched, amazed, as her poorly timed attempt to capture Shampoo's sword reduced the center of the blade to so much molten steel. The glowing metal spattered everywhere, causing the Amazon to leap back in shock, while several of the burning embers landed on the witch's clothing and began to hiss painfully.
Then there was the matter of the eighteen inches of blade that was now flying free of the sword's hilt. The sharpened piece of oversized shrapnel, still traveling with all of the force of Shampoo's swing, flew right past Jinx's face, scoring shallow gash in her shoulder before fading into a glittering star as it vanished over the ledge of the building . . .
All Jinx could do was stand there, panting heavily and thanking the gods for the numbness granted by shock. She'd never come so close to dying before –
The miracle of her continued breathing was very rudely interrupted by an insanely powerful fist to her gut, blasting said breath from her lungs. Jinx realized she'd been standing there like an idiot for an unforgivable number of seconds, and Shampoo wasn't keen on playing the considerate type.
The Amazon then grabbed her arm and jerked on it painfully, pulling Jinx forward and levering her over Shampoo's hip to send the wheezing witch into a tumbling freefall through the air. It took every last neuron she had to bring her body back under control enough to actually stop herself from landing on her head and snapping her neck. Instead, she twisted around enough at the last minute to land on her hands and toes, so true to her cat-like eyes, sliding several feet to a trembling stop.
She wanted to cry after scraping her palms several feet across a gravel roof, but she was too busy being scared out of her mind and pissed off beyond all belief! And she thought that she was the one with a mean streak. Shampoo had played her so easily it was embarrassing! And that only pissed her off even more! How dare that hussy insult . . . her . . . man . . .
Agonizingly, Jinx pushed herself up to her feet and glared at Shampoo's leering face.
"So, you don't like Ryouga, is that it? He's nothing compared to your perfect, strong Ranma, is that right? Heheh, I don't think that's it at all . . . I think I know why you really hate me so much . . ."
Shampoo cocked her head, idly tossing the ruined remnants of her sword down into the apartments below them. "Stupid girl, Shampoo no hate you, Shampoo nothing you. You not even worth hating."
Jinx laughed bitterly, coughing up a little blood as she did. "Oh, really? Is that why you've been trying to kill me every second of this freakin capture mission of yours? Doesn't seem like something that someone that nothings me would do!"
Her enemy's brow crinkled in confusion, "You talking stupid, Stupid Girl! Kill is just as good as capture, why should Shampoo care if you live or not?"
Slowly, Jinx straightened up, gingerly resting her hands on her hips. "Good question, but I know the answer. You hate me because you're jealous, it's as simple as that. Even if it was only for awhile, Ryouga and me had something special, something that you've been trying to get with your precious Ranma for years. Heh, and you call me a loser? A tramp like you can't even get a guy to act half way civil to you in over two years, but little, weak me lands a great guy like Ryouga like that." Jinx snapped her fingers for emphasis.
Shampoo sneered vilely, "You sick in head, Stupid Girl. Shampoo know you only get Ryouga to like you by brainwashing. You no can even get man to like you without Headmaster to help!"
"Ha!" Jinx barked snidely, "And that just burns you up, doesn't it? That you failed again and again with every stupid scheme you tried. You couldn't even get Ranma to like you with magic! And yet all it took for me was a little memory tweak and it all worked out like a fairy tale. But that isn't even the worst of it, is it?"
The livid Amazon looked torn between screaming and simply beating her to a bloody smear on the roof, but something Jinx couldn't figure was holding the larger girl in check . . . for the moment. It was time to show this bimbo why Jinx was the villain here.
"You say that Ryouga is weak and stupid and anything else you can imagine to make him less than Ranma, but you're wrong. There's one way that Ryouga's so far beyond Ranma that it's disgusting and you know it! You know that no matter what you do, no matter what trick you try, what magic mushrooms you feed him, no matter if you even get Ranma to fall head over heels in love with you . . . that Ranma will never ever, love you as much as Ryouga loves me!"
Her Cheshire grin split into a truly malevolent smile as she saw the stricken expression flash across Shampoo's face.
"Ranma will never respect you as a warrior, his pride won't allow it. He'll never see you as an equal, you'll always be a weak girl that needs to be protected or fought over. He'll never bare his heart to you, share everything that he is with you; his father's screwed him up too much to ever do that."
Jinx took a deep breath, her chest heaving from the exhilaration of destroying Shampoo's hopes and dreams.
"No matter how much of his brain you destroy with your drugs and your potions, Ranma will never do any of the things that Ryouga does freely and without reservation. Heheheh, I may have gotten the second place fighter, but even if you do win Ranma somehow, you know you'll never be as happy as I intend to be with Ryouga . . ." she let her words trail off. She could see the Amazon girl literally trembling with rage . . . and were those . . . were those tears forming at the corners of her eyes?
"LIAR!"
Jinx laughed out loud. She'd turned the tables now! Shampoo surged forward in a mad, scrambling charge, death in her eyes. Now it was the witch's turn to take advantage of the emotional wrec-
Shampoo's kick slammed into her solar plexus, knocking her completely off her feet and into the air!
'W-what the hell!'
She slammed to the hard ground, just avoiding cracking her head open on the unforgiving roof. Wh . . . what the hell was going on? She was supposed to be the one kicking the crap out of Shampoo!
Jinx rolled to the side as an axe kick caved in the roof where her head had been. She used the precious seconds it took Shampoo to extricate her foot from the hole to get back to her feet. The lavender haired Amazon slowly, grimly, turned to face her.
"You I kill." It was a simple statement this time, not a threat, not a warning, just a cold hard fact.
Her breath was coming in pained gasps now; her opponent sure knew how to work the torso that was for certain. What the hell did she have to do to stop this woman: blow up the entire rooftop?
A sudden flash of black in the distance caught her attention . . .
No, no, she was going about this entirely the wrong way. She'd been trying to overpower Shampoo, just like she always tried to do with Raven, and always failed. She'd forgotten everything that Happi had taught her in the past few minutes, and she couldn't even imagine how disappointed the old man would be in her if he found out what had happened up here . . .
Not that she cared . . .
No, there was an easy way to do this. There was an easy way to do everything, you just had to know how to find it. ME ME, as Happi had told her, Minimum Effort, Maximum Effect. Why use all of your power to do something directly, when you can use a fraction of it to do the same thing indirectly. All you had to do was think outside the box a little bit . . .
Alright, she knew what her goal was; now all she had to do was figure out how to achieve it . . .
A flash of insight, quite literally, struck her. Oh, oh, this would be good.
Jinx painfully kicked up her legs and rolled backwards up to her feet. She desperately wanted to clutch her stomach, her arm, her shoulder . . . damn she was hurting, but refused to give the Amazon the satisfaction.
Shampoo gazed down at her as if she were an insect.
"Time for talk over, Dead Girl."
The young witch snorted, "You just bring it."
And the Amazon obliged, exploding into a furious charge-
Jinx snapped her fingers . . .
-only to have her shirt inexplicably burst apart at the seams! The tattered rags of cloth literally flew apart, revealing Shampoo in all of her topless glory for the entire world to see!
'Ha! Let's see her fight like th-'
Shampoo's fist slammed into Jinx's face hard enough to cause her entire world to flash into a blur of pretty colors, even as it sent her crashing back down on to her butt. The young sorceress clutched her aching face, not sure if her cheek was actually broken or not.
She glared up at the Amazon proudly standing over her.
"W-would you stop doing that!" Goddess! Every time – every time she thought she had Shampoo beat, she'd ended up clobbered mid gloat!
Shampoo scoffed loudly, "Ha! Look like bad luck is yours this time. You think you actually embarrass Shampoo with naked attack? Shampoo proud Amazon Warrior, fight naked all time back in village."
Jinx gingerly rubbed her cheek again, discreetly looking over her executioner's shoulder, "So, being a shameless hussy runs in the family? Still, you're forgetting the most basic law of luck, Shampoo: One person's bad luck is another person's good."
The lavender haired Amazon slowly raised her hand and curled her seemingly delicate digits into a steel hard fist.
"Your luck run out."
The mischievous witch giggled wickedly, "Oh, I never said it was my good luck."
Shampoo stared at her in confusion.
"Wha-"
"Shampoooooo!"
Annnd . . . contact!
Shampoo let out a strangled scream as Mousse seemed to literally melt out of the darkness and glomp on to her with all of the romantic overtones of an octopus.
"Mousse, what hell you-"
"Shampoo, my love-"
"Let go!"
"Come into my arms!"
"Get off!"
Jinx didn't waste her opportunity this time. She nimbly flipped back up to her feet and started sprinting the hell out of there while Shampoo tried desperately to untangle herself from the adoring weapon master.
Just before she leapt from the ledge of the building, though, she stopped for a second and turned back, somehow managing to catch Mousse's eye as she did. Without knowing why, she mouthed a quick 'Thank you' to the doomed young man . . .
Only to stare wide-eyed as Mousse winked back at her, right before continuing his affectionate struggle.
The smile that split her face caused her head to throb painfully, so she swore, turned and leapt into the night . . .
'I owe ya one, Mousse . . .'
Finally, Shampoo extricated herself from Mousse's clutches enough to drop a savage elbow to the back of the blind idiot's skull. The soon-to-be-deceased collapsed to the ground in a heap, though she made sure to kick him once more for good measure.
She then proceeded to unleash a string of profanities that would have gotten her excommunicated from the village had she been back home. She violently tore the mic from her ear and squeezed it almost hard enough to shatter the durable plastic shell as she shouted all of her rage into it-
"Obstacles are for killing!"
Instantly, Mousse was on his feet again, desperately grasping at the earpiece.
"Shampoo, no!"
She brutally drove her elbow into his face, dropping him back to the ground. A moment later, the radio crackled to life-
"Affirmative, FoxCat. Use of lethal force is authorized. Moving to engage target."
Mousse looked up at her in horror, "Shampoo, what have you done?"
Shampoo was about to tell him explicitly what she had done, when the radio sounded again-
"Shampoo. Call off your attack and return to base, immediately."
. . . Cologne's voice . . . And the Matriarch did not sound pleased . . .
She stared at the earpiece long and hard, her gaze hardening to steel.
". . . Yes, Great Grandmother," she replied coolly.
Then, very accidentally, the tiny mic slipped from her fingers, only to be crushed under her heel. She glanced at Mousse, wearing an obscenely innocent smile on her face.
"Oops, Shampoo is too, too unlucky tonight. Well, you hear Great Grandmother, is time to go."
Mousse just stared at her back as she turned and started to make her way to the stairs. Finally, as she reached the exit, she heard the male let out a long sigh and begin to follow . . . "Of course, Shampoo . . ."
Feh, she wondered what his problem was? She was the one that had been humiliated by that pink haired witch! Still . . .
The breeze did feel pretty nice.
Jinx landed from her leap, skidding wildly on the treacherous roof gravel and nearly wiping out completely. The same gymnastics she had been performing effortlessly, like, twenty minutes ago were pushing her to the limit now. Panic and pain were totally throwing off her concentration, and it was starting to feel like were legs were gonna just fall off. She couldn't stop running, though. She didn't have any idea how long Mousse could hold Shampoo, and she honestly wasn't sure she'd survive a second round.
Damn, she sure hoped that Happi was faring better than herself. It'd be a pretty sad day if she actually had to rescue that old goat.
She stopped her mindless ruminations as she nearly bought it leaping over another alleyway. Again, she barely recovered to continue her flight . . .
Man! What the hell was she still doing on these roofs anyway? She should be in a cab, or something, actually getting out of town!
Revolutionary thought in mind (whose stupid idea was it that super-types could only get around via rooftops or invisible jets, anyway?) Jinx altered her run, angling away from the far ledge of the building and towards the roof bulkhead instead. A nice, easy elevator ride sounded absolutely lovely right now-
Then her footing gave out on her. The gravel skidded maliciously out from under her feet and dropped her painfully to her bottom again! She was about to scream, or cry . . . or something – except a bright flash of crimson light suddenly distracted her.
. . . That . . . was odd. Burned into the ground, just halfway between her and the door, was a small, quarter sized hole. The edges of the hole were still glowing red and little wafts of smoke rose up from it.
"Oh, son of a Bit-"
The gymnastic sorceress kicked up into a one handed cartwheel and flipped behind an air-conditioning unit seconds before the roof abruptly lit up with laser fire.
'What the hell?' Those weren't any kind of stun weapon! Those bastards were trying to kill her!
Jinx quickly peeked out from behind her bulky barrier. Just as she expected, the helicopter that had been following her fight was hovering just above the roof, disgorging its entire compliment of armed troopers out to hunt her down. The six agents slowly began to spread out across the roof, doubtlessly trying to get her in a good crossfire.
If it weren't for that fact that she'd never been so angry/scared/furious in her life, she would have giggled to herself. Only six Normals against her? She was beating those kinds of odds even before she started training with Happi. Now, even in the shape she was in, she was pretty sure she could handle the likes of them.
Once the agents were sufficiently spread out, the helicopter ascended out of range once more, whatever technology Luthor had installed in it making the ascent nearly soundless, even from such a short distance. All the better for her, just one less distraction.
Jinx took a long, calming breath, squeezing her slitted eyes shut as she concentrated on what she was about to do. It was a pretty crazy idea, but then, she was kinda crazy anyway, so there wasn't much helping it. Once her ribs stopped aching so badly, she opened her eyes and slowly shook out her stiffening arms.
These boys were about to have an unfortunate series of events befall them.
"Target spotted!" The voice sounded off to her far left. Apparently one of the soldiers had gotten a line of fire on her.
Well, time to show them just how unfortunate they were.
Before the first shot could even be fired, Jinx leapt straight up, landing lightly on the very air conditioner that she'd been hiding behind. Instantly, all six troopers spun around to face her, training their deadly weapons her way. She grinned her Cheshire grin and waved to the handsome young men.
"You boys picked the wrong Bitch to screw with tonight," she sing-songed.
Unfortunate: because they had managed to corner a wounded animal (a sexy, sexy wounded animal, but the principle still applied).
Her executioners opened fire as one, trying to paint the town red with her superheated insides. Not too keen on baring her heart for all the world to see, the mischievous witch cart wheeled to the side and dropped off of her pedestal. She then dove forward into a front roll, avoiding another round of fire.
Unfortunate: because she wasn't the nicest of girls in the first place, let alone after the night she'd had.
She came up in a run, then leapt right over one of the agent's heads, landing nimbly on the corner of the rooftop bulkhead. Immediately, she pushed off as hard as she could, launching herself almost straight up into the air. Beneath her feet, the concrete structure covering the staircase was reduced to ashen rubble. As she soared through the air, she performed a single flip, before coming down in a perfect landing . . .
Right in the center of all six soldiers.
She came up from her crouch and spun around with a flourish, a wave of pink energy spilling from her fingers and washing over all of the agents. The black clad mercenaries stared at each other in confusion for a moment, especially considering her attack didn't have any effect whatsoever, but like true professionals, quickly recovered from their surprise and trained their weapons on her once more.
One of the nice men was actually kind enough to speak before shooting.
"This is your last chance. Surrender. Now!"
She just leered at the man.
"Why don't you kiss my tight, toned as-"
"Open fire!"
Oh, and most of all: unfortunate because, as a straight A student of the HIVE Academy and notorious ne'er-do-well, she was intimately familiar with the specifications for pretty much every weapon used by pretty much every security force out there.
As one, each of the six weapons let out an angry whine as the power cells all simultaneously suffered from a fluke power-feedback loop. It was a pretty rare malfunction in the laser rifles used by the LexCorp security forces, caused only by very certain circumstances . . . but it looked like tonight just wasn't their lucky night.
Jinx leapt straight up, her lithe frame pushed even higher by the ring of explosions that suddenly bloomed around her. Pretty, pretty lights and a nice warm waft of air pushing her ever higher. She enjoyed it for a moment, before gravity finally reasserted itself on her and pulled her back to the ground.
Six, moaning, barely conscious figures were scattered around the roof when she landed. Kind of funny, the difference that a single second could make. Thank goodness for body armor, anyway. Feeling strangely satisfied with herself, the pink haired witch giggled happily and started to make her way back to the staircase. Happosai was so right: if you couldn't find a good way to do something, find an evil way to do it!
She easily cleared the six agents and made it pretty much the entire way to the staircase unmolested before she remembered one very important detail that had somehow slipped her mind . . .
The dull 'budda-budda-budda' of a helicopter mounted chain gun roaring to life behind her sounded as far away as the moon. The barrage only lasted for a second, just enough to reduce the entire stairwell to rubble and destroy any chance of her escaping.
Almost absently, she felt something warm and wet on her face. With glacial curiosity, she slowly looked down to her side. Every inch of her body was blissfully numb, but the angry red liquid oozing from the sizeable gouge in her arm was pretty hard to miss. Some distant, distant voice in the back of her head was dropping to its knees in thanks to whatever forsaken Goddess was watching over her that that was the worst that happened, considering the alternative . . .
She ignored that voice.
Jinx spun around, her eyes glowing with such molten pink fury that it began to spill out into the air around her face. The entirety of the rooftop (or what was left of it) began to glow with the ghostly, cotton candy hue of her rage. She focused the entire brunt of her will onto the helicopter hovering in the air above the street.
She didn't even care as the three smoking barrels of the automatic cannon began to spin ominously once more.
The sorceress continued to narrow her focus, narrow it down to a single thought.
Minimum Effort, Maximum Effect. Why use all of your power to do something directly, when you can use a fraction of it to do the same thing indirectly? Well, what happened when you used all of your power instead of just a fraction?
Her eyes widened as far as possible as she unleashed the full extent of her power on the machine before her, the power flaring from her eyes nearly blinding even herself. It wasn't a blast of pure force she unleashed, though, or even a cutting blade, or anything so tangible. In fact, the pilots likely didn't even see anything happen at all . . .
She bet they sure as hell noticed it when the entire damn rotor assembly literally tore itself from the top of the helicopter!
The sleek, multi-million dollar war machine dropped like a stone, even as the madly spinning rotor, merrily dragging its mast and a good chunk of the engine, rose up into the night, quickly vanishing against the black, starry sky. The front of the helicopter, baring the heavy machine gun, slammed heavily into the ledge of the roof, smashing the weapon to so much scrap before the machine slid backwards off the roof and proceeded to fall, now upside down, out of sight.
A moment later, a massive explosion rocked the entire roof beneath her feet.
Jinx took a moment to glance around her, from the six unconscious people at her feet, to the merrily glowing lights reflecting on the buildings across the street from her, then up to the invisible, but no longer silent helicopter rotor as it whirled off heedlessly into the city . . .
She then shrugged and proceeded to make her way to the next closest building.
Hmmm, now, about that taxi ride . . .