Author's Note: Valentine's Day has always frustrated me. There are so many different kinds of love, yet only romantic love gets a day of widespread celebration and recognition. As if romantic love is the only kind that matters, or the one with the most inherent power. That's just not true, and I like to spend this day filling my heart with the less popular kinds of love. The love that goes underrated, or horribly misunderstood. Love like the brotherhood that drew me to this franchise in the first place.
I've gotten so crazy about Steve and Bucky over the past year or so that I kind of wanted to start a 100 Themes fic about them. Buuuuut even I realized that was biting off way more than I can chew, when I've got a handful of chapterfics in the works and another 100 Themes fic already underway in the Zelda fandom. So instead, I siphoned off my inspiration in a direction I'd always wanted to experiment with: the 50 sentence challenge. My dear friend NewMoonFlicker, who is a large part of the reason I'm so crazy about these characters in the first place, gave me these 50 words, and it's been incredibly fun working with them. For some reason, I felt like I needed to write all of them in present tense, which was another nice little experiment. I think I forgot once or twice, though :P
I would love to write even more of these! Please send me any words you'd like to see me use for these characters, and every time I have ten new sentences written, I'll post a new chapter. I'll keep going until I run out of words (and there are some 171,000 words in the English language, so you've got plenty to work with :D).
Additional Notes:
- 13 can be read as either Steve or Bucky OHOHO AREN'T I CLEVER.
- 17-19 go together as a three-parter.
- 21 and 22 are also similar, though it actually wasn't intentional, if you can believe it. I only noticed it afterward.
- 25 and 26 are companions, for obvious reasons :D
- 33 and 34 are dedicated to Sam, who is too awesome to get left out of something like this. FoxholeBros Forever!
- 31 and 47 led to a disagreement that led to a discussion that led to a scene that I will probably eventually be posting, either as a oneshot or as part of another fic... Stay tuned! (Mwahaha, my dastardly plan to attract followers by dangling vague hints at them! There's no way it can fail!)
If I could reach up and hold a star for every time I think about you, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand.
- Edna St. Vincent Millay
1. Star
Everyone who looks at Steve Rogers sees the star emblazoned on his chest—a symbol of hope, a target, a badge of honor—but Bucky looks at Steve and sees the heart behind the star.
2. Wrinkles
Bathed in the fountain of youth, untouched by the passage of time, they are old without wrinkles—except for the crease of concern between Steve's eyes that Bucky longs to smooth away.
3. Interpret
Steve doesn't know how many languages Bucky knows (he gave up counting at ten), but he's certainly handy when he needs to interpret; the only language Bucky seems to need a translator for is that of affection.
4. Caution
Sam had to explain a thing or two first, but once he understood, Steve loved the sign someone left on the door to the little suite of rooms he'd chosen for himself and Bucky: Warning: Intense Bromance In Progress – Proceed With Caution.
5. Stupid
Bucky is a brave man, so he isn't as frightened as some of the men marching onto the battlefield for the first time; the only thing that scares him is the thought of all the stupid things Steve is probably doing back home.
6. Stand
The first time Bucky saw Steve, he was lying facefirst in the mud, but what drew Bucky's attention was that no matter how many times Brody Callahan hit him to the ground, Steve kept trying to stand up again.
7. True
Everything Steve says is true, but not everything he says is right, so when he says, "I can get by on my own," Bucky lets him know what's right.
8. Written
True love is written in the stars, as it is written in the shield discarded on the floor and the lump of steel that had once been an arm.
9. Liberty
"Give me liberty or give me death"—for some reason, those words won't leave the Winter Soldier's head after meeting the man who said his name, and he knows...he knows Hydra is death.
10. Extraordinary
Most people think the extraordinary thing about Steve Rogers is his superhuman strength, and Steve thinks there's nothing extraordinary about him at all, but Bucky knows the truth: everything about him is extraordinary.
11. Greetings
Happy Birthday, Season's Greetings, Wish You Were Here...Steve realizes he should have known he wouldn't find a card that said I Wish You Weren't Dead.
12. Optimism
When Steve says with conviction that Bucky will remember him, it's not optimism, it's desperation—because he doesn't know how to live in a world where everything of importance has been forgotten.
13. Incomplete
Only when he goes to the Smithsonian does he realize what the aching hole in his chest is, because without that man laughing by his side, he is incomplete.
14. Change
Many things are different now—their bodies are altered, their friends have shifted, and the world will never be the same—but one thing that will never change is how Bucky's smile lights up the room.
15. Celebration
Steve and Bucky never had a chance to enjoy their reunion—they always had to hunt down Hydra, or run for their lives, or save someone else—so while they wait for Bucky to wake up, Sam organizes the biggest celebration he can think of.
16. Manipulate
He keeps on waiting for Steve to manipulate him, to shame him for what he's done, to demand to know why he left; so Bucky says he doesn't know why he saved him...but Steve just replies, "Yes you do."
17. Burnout
Surely the burnout will come soon, the day that Steve decides to give up (it's too hard, I'm not the man I used to be, there's too much pain), and Bucky braces himself for the inevitable end...but it's been years and Steve is still here.
18. Hope
Hope is like a grenade (it can kill as surely as it can save); Bucky knows it will blow up in his face if he clings to it much longer, but he can't bear to let go of the hope that somehow Steve loves him enough that he won't leave.
19. Need
Finally he dredges up the courage to ask why Steve is still here (despite the flashbacks, the fits of rage, the wounds he inflicts on both of them, the long nights of screaming and clinging and sobbing don't let go, don't let go), and Steve just looks at him with a smile that hurts and says, "Because I need you."
20. Creative
It's easy to forget that before he was a superhero, Steve Rogers was an art student; Bucky remembers how creative he is only when he sees a dozen pictures of his own smiling face in Steve's sketchbook—all drawn during two years where Steve's most vivid memory would have been full of pain and fear.
21. Learn
He remembers that he loves Steve, but he can't remember what that means he's supposed to do or say; but he is ready to learn, and Steve is an excellent teacher.
22. Explore
The landscape of friendship is foreign and a little bit frightening, but with Steve as his guide, Bucky is willing to explore.
23. Dissociation
Dissociation is just a fancy word for the times Bucky freezes up, stares into space, and becomes temporarily deaf to the world around him; Steve soon learns that the best thing to do during these episodes is to wrap his arms around Bucky and wait, so that the instant Bucky returns to himself, he will already be in the middle of an embrace.
24. Drug
Love is not a drug, like the poison Hydra pumped into his veins that left him sick but desperate for more; the love Steve keeps pouring into him fills up his heart and makes him realize he already holds the world in his hands.
25. Punk
No one understands how kind, thoughtful Steve Rogers could be a punk...except for the man who always has to haul him out of the dirt for saying something stupid.
26. Jerk
No one understands how charming, cheerful Bucky Barnes could be a jerk...except for the man who has been talked into every ill-fated plan he's ever had, and gotten into trouble every time.
27. Home
Home is not a place, but the sun sparkling on newly-washed metal, and the smell of aftershave, and the squeeze of a hand on the shoulder, and the sound of two hearts beating a syncopated rhythm.
28. Night
Steve dreads the night, when his sleep is interrupted with the heartbreak of listening to Bucky cry out in his sleep, or wake with a scream, begging for someone to save him...but a small, guilty part of him looks forward to the night because that's one of the few times he can do something to help.
29. Train
Steve stares past empty hands at the tracks streaming by; the train hurtles on, unknowing and uncaring that his entire world has slipped through his fingers.
30. Stray
His thoughts strayed to a time of warmth and happiness, and they beat him till he forgot; now his thoughts stray to a time of terror and agony, and he holds him till he remembers.
31. Choice
"I'm proud of you," Steve says when Bucky tells him he enlisted, not knowing that Bucky had no choice after avoiding the draft for as long as he could, just so he could stay with Steve a few days longer.
32. Accept
Steve realized long ago that he would probably die before Bucky, that he would have to leave his best friend alone...but he'd never thought he would have to accept outliving Bucky.
33. Friendship
Sam knows that Steve's friendship with him takes a back seat to his friendship with Bucky, but he doesn't begrudge them that, because in the back seat he gets the best view of the most inspiring relationship he's ever seen.
34. Brotherhood
It's only when Steve busts him out of prison and Bucky trades snarky quips all the way to Wakanda that Sam realizes what the three of them have goes beyond friendship—this is brotherhood.
35. Blind
Love is not blind—Steve sees everything he is and everything he's done, and loves him all the same.
36. Hand(s)
Ever since the first time Hydra captured him, Bucky's hands are always cold, so he ignores the looks people give them and holds Steve's hand as much as possible.
37. Motorcycle
He always drives a motorcycle now, because it reminds him of the time Bucky taught him how, and sometimes he swears he can still feel Bucky's hands over his.
38. Soldier
In some ways, he has always been a soldier fighting for the defenseless—and on the battlefield as well as the back alleys, he's always had his sergeant by his side.
39. Chill
Though his mother warned him he would get a chill, Bucky stands on the corner all day waiting for Steve to come back from the hospital; he has to banish the memory of Steve fighting for breath and losing the battle.
40. Bridge
Bridge—car—enemies—jump—gun—aim—shoot—chase—grenade—woman—strangle—escape—SHIELD—TARGET—MISSION—knife—switch—dodge—punch—flip—what is going on who is he what is he doing who is Bucky why is he looking at me like that I don't remember him I don't I don't I don't but how...how do I know him?
41. Connect
It's hard sometimes to connect the new Bucky to the old one, to see past the scars and the long hair and brooding expression to the man he once knew...but then Bucky looks up and his eyes soften just as they always have, and he is home again.
42. Save
Sometimes he feels like he's trapped in a tower, waiting for a prince to come save him—but the many-headed dragon has burned his memories away, and he can't remember what the prince looks like.
43. Smile
There are many things for the Howling Commandos to miss about their two fallen comrades, but perhaps what they miss the most is the way they would smile at each other like they weren't in the middle of a war—like they were reminding each other that violence and hatred weren't the only things in this world.
44. Hair
At first, Bucky keeps his hair long as a reminder that he can never go back to the man in the old photographs with the neatly parted hair and the dazzling smile; but eventually, he keeps his hair long just because he likes it when Steve runs his fingers through it.
45. Uniform
Usually it's the shield or the uniform that allow people to identify him, but only after he's discarded the shield and bloodied his uniform past recognition does Bucky see who he is.
46. Hidden
Hidden somewhere deep inside the powerful hero is a lonely boy looking for a friend; lost in the center of the weapon is a shield longing for something to protect.
47. Secrets
When they were children giggling in a tent made of sheets, he would whisper his secrets into Steve's ear ("I want to be a scientist when I grow up"); when they were soldiers huddled in a real tent, he told Steve all the secrets he couldn't tell anyone else ("I actually didn't want to join the army"); but now that they've been to hell and back, there are some things he just can't put into words like he used to ("You're the only thing keeping me alive").
48. Smell
There is a smell which belongs only to Bucky—part sweat, part shampoo, mostly just something he can't quite put his finger on—that assures Steve once and for all that he has his best friend back.
49. River
The river is in his lungs and he's dying, but he can't seem to care (not when all he can see are those eyes, so blank and cold and empty like a void that screams THE END), so he doesn't even try to swim (there is nothing for him above the surface now)—not until a metal hand, still painted red with his own blood, pulls him back to shore.
50. Love
Every morning, the nurse helps the old man into his wheelchair and takes him to the little cemetery next door; when they reach a certain headstone, the old man kisses his fingertips and brushes them against the name, whispering, "I love you, Stevie."