The price of doing the same old thing is far higher than the price of change.
-Bill Clinton
Erin's words hung in the air, like the lunette on a guillotine. She watched Andy draw his shoulders back an action that told her he was uncomfortable.
"How long have you been engaged in this relationship?" He bit out, unsure if he wanted to know the answer.
"We spent last Christmas together." She said, truthfully.
"And then?" Andy pushed, he wasn't going to let her slip anything past him now.
"We hadn't spoken for several months after that; Until six months ago."
A man Erin didn't know appeared in the frame to whisper in Andy's ear. His eyes widened in shock, his voice was cold and calculating. "You pulled Agent Rossi out of the field."
"I did." She agreed, nodding her head.
"Was it because you wanted to protect him against violent criminals?"
"The class needed to be taught-" she snapped. She folded her arms defensively across her chest, she felt naked and exposed with her personal life on display.
"On a federal agent's salary." The snap of the metaphorical guillotine fell on Erin's ears.
She swallowed tightly, he had her on a technicality. "Agent Rossi's entire team was grounded because of Agent Hotchner's injuries."
"Which you caused!" Andy's face turned a violent shade of red and he leaned into the camera screen; his hands shaking in ire.
"That's beneath you, Andy and you know it." She bit out, "aren't we a little old for the blame-game?"
"You're missing the point. You put Agent Rossi above the rest of the agents in his unit by securing his salary."
"The bureau doesn't make a practice of not paying their agents!" She felt her pulse in her neck and her cheeks flooded with heat.
"We don't believe in overpaying. You had something to gain by Agent Rossi's change in post."
"That's not true-" she said sharply. "Agent Rossi started teaching-"
"When you got pregnant-" Andy cut in, still glaring into the camera.
"I pulled Agent Rossi out of the field when he became ill. He was too sick to fly regularly. And it was a good decision."
"How so?" Andy challenged, "you were able to keep him close at hand."
"Not on purpose."
"Tell me, Chief Strauss. How much money has been exchanged between you so far?"
Erin leaned toward the camera, suddenly the power was on her side, for a split second she relished in her answer. "Exactly zero dollars. Now cut the bullshit Andy, what are you insinuating?"
"I'm not insinuating Erin, I know you approached him when your 'relationship' began and you're using his unborn child to your own financial advantage."
"Children," she roared, shifting closer to the camera. "If you're going to falsely accuse me you can get your facts straight."
"Chief Strauss, That is insubordination-"
"And your interrogation is one-sided and unfair. You're not interrogating me." She stated, "you've already convicted me."
"This is an investigation into your morals, you are a leader and you don't get to rewrite the rules just because you needed an ego boost. After the year you had, I'm not surprised."
Erin shook her head, anger flooded her veins. "I've done nothing wrong and my relationship with Agent Rossi has NO bearing on my ability to lead my department. You can ask him these same questions." She said, her voice like ice. "I'm happy to go get him for you." She said daring him to cross her again.
"That isn't necessary-"
"My personal life is not a tool that you get to use to force me out of my position, Andy."
"And I'm not trying to force you out. It's my duty to make sure that my successor is of the highest moral caliber."
"And I suppose you're the stick I'm being measured against? Would you like to be the pot or the kettle here?"
"Agent Strauss! Stand down!"
She wanted to reach through the monitor and slap him. " I will not 'stand down.' Andy. You lured me here under false pretenses and I'll be reporting you and your kangaroo court to the Attorney General." She clicked the mouse and ended the recording. The screen went black.
She sat back in her chair, her knees felt like wet noodles, the weight of her circumstances weighed on her. "David!" She called, her voice shaking.
She heard his footsteps on the stairs, betrayal washed over her. How could Andy ambush her that way, with his committee and false accusations.
"How did it go?" He popped into the room with pride in his eyes.
Words failed her, a heavy silence fell over the room.
He hadn't noticed how vulnerable she was, literally exposed, with one arm in a sling and unable to stand up. On top of it, her expression made him think that her dog died. "What happened?" He pushed, fear coursed through his veins, "Erin. What the hell happened?"
She shook her head, "Andy." She whispered as the reality of her circumstances crashed down on her. There was a desperate edge to her voice, "He never intended to promote me. I've spent the last hour being interrogated by the Ethic's Committee."
"WHAT!" He roared, his knees quaked in anger, he lowered himself on the bed before he could fall over.
"He questioned me about our relationship." Her tone was hollow, like she was in shock.
"What the fuck, Erin, tell me exactly what he asked you."
Her gaze bore into the carpet, she spoke in a hollow whisper. "Andy didn't have time to ask me anything." After a long pause, she glanced up at him. "He and his kangaroo court accused me of taking advantage of you because of my drinking."
"Tell me you told him to take a long walk off a short pier."
"It's recorded, but…" she paused to blink the tears from her eyes, "we're screwed." She said and pressed the 'play' button.
Forty-five minutes later, Dave wanted to throttle someone his whole body trembled in anger as he stalked the length of the bedroom.
"I don't like this anymore than you do," she bit out. She couldn't think of a single positive solution to save them. She could feel the last 15 years of time and energy spiraling down the toilet and she had no choice but to sit back and watch.
"Come on. You need to be back in bed." He bit out.
"I'll get back in bed when you come with me." She argued, "I don't want you to go see Andy right now." She took his elbow for leverage and stood up, "maybe he's right." she said as they slowly walked to the bed, "maybe it is time to give it all up."
"Not like this," he growled as they sat down on the bed. "We didn't do anything wrong and he's not getting rid of us based on a technicality!" Dave said and grabbed his coat. "I'm going over there and ending this."
"David, you can't confront him now."
"And why not! Erin, explain it to me." He crossed the bedroom again and shoved his wallet in the pocket of his coat. "I need to get in front of this before our reputations are destroyed."
"No, you don't!" Her voice rose louder than intended, was he trying to destroy them? "Need I remind you that you pursued me? But I'm the one being crucified here!"
"So this is my fault? I never had to ask you twice." He fired back. "Fraternization isn't even a hard and fast rule. It's not like they can actually fire us."
"But they can, David." She could hear a pin drop. "I need to check my records, but Andy might be right."
"About what?"
"There's a chance- a slight chance that I had you billed for teaching hours as well as active duty."
"How? Erin how did you do that?" His thoughts were racing now, could Andy turn a simple mistake into an embezzlement case? Dave was prepared to go down swinging, but she wasn't making it easy on him.
"Look," she paused to gather her thoughts. "Cards on the table?"
"All of them, preferably sooner than later."
"I'm tired."
"I know," he shrugged, "what does that have to do with anything?"
"You don't understand, David. I'm exhausted. All. The. Time. I.." she paused. To look at a spot on the carpet. "I wouldn't be surprised if I fell asleep while I was calculating your hours."
He blew out a breath and the stretched like a chasm between them.
"So," his voice was harsh, but quiet. "The moral of this story is, a combined 40 years of public service is going down the tubes because you wouldn't take a nap?" The whole thing felt like a joke, a really cruel joke and Dave still hadn't found the punch line.
"I'm sorry- I just wanted to get it done."
"Yeah I know." He bit out, his voice like iron sent chills down her spine.
"We both know you're allergic to paperwork, please don't make this worse."
"I'm not trying to make it worse," he stalked towards the door and back again. Words failed him, even if he could come up with something to say it likely wouldn't be very nice. He stalked into the closet and opened the safe. "I'm going to fix this," he growled and grabbed a bundle of cash. He counted out the exact amount the bureau accused him of being overpaid him and threw the rest of the bundle in the safe.
"How?" Erin asked, "how exactly do you think we can fix this?" She pressed her hand to her temple, her head throbbed. "Let me go over the budgets tomorrow and then I'll go to Quantico and sit down with Andy to work this out."
"Like hell you will." His tone bordered on threatening. "You're on bedrest for the next 13 days and Andy isn't fucking that up."
"If you walk into the Bureau with a bundle of cash, it looks like you're bribing the director of the FBI. That's like launching a torpedo into a gas fire."
Dave sighed heavily, "I'm not overly concerned with the optics here, Erin. I'm trying to save our careers."
"Then get your ass over here and stop yelling at me." She roared, equal parts frustrated and exhausted. "We can go over the numbers and fix this the right way!"
"You're yelling!" He crossed the room and flung his coat across the top of the dresser. Frustration poured off him in waves and if he were anyone else, she might have been afraid of what he might do. But he was hers, anger and all.
"Because I just want to lie here and lick and my wounds and you're making everything more complicated than necessary. Now, get over here and hold me until this goes away."
"You shouldn't have any wounds to lick!" He exploded and toed off his loafers. As much as it hurt to admit, there was nothing he could do to make this better. He couldn't make Andy go away with a fist full of cash and a kind word. He had to wait for his turn in the hot seat and hope that he could keep a cool head long enough to salvage their careers. There was just one problem, he hated waiting. Glancing at the clock he slipped his shoes back on. "I'd love to stay, but I don't want Mackenzie getting off the bus in the snow." Paige and Paul would ride together from the high school, but Mackenzie always took the bus.
"You're right," Erin looked out the window, the snow fell faster and harder than before. A thick blanket of snow covered the roads were being plowed but the sidewalks were surely terrible. "But, promise me you won't drop her off and then head straight for Quantico."
He grabbed his keys off the sideboard, heading for the garage. Suddenly, Mudgie's low growl interrupted him before he could respond.
"Promise me, David."
"I swear, I'm not driving to Quantico." He said hurriedly and followed the dog to the front door. "What's the matter, Boy?" he asked, buttoning his coat on the way. Mudgie lept towards the door and Dave was sure his paws made contact with the small frosted window. Mudgie yipped and whined urgently, attempting to claw his way out.
"Use the dog door," Dave grouched at the dog's antics as Mudgie left another claw mark in the polished wood. Aggravated, Dave turned the knob and threw the door open. "Go on! I gotta go."
But the faithful dog stayed near his master's side, with his tail erect and ears perched. His canine gaze shifted over the neighborhood until he saw what or rather, who, he was looking for.
Dave followed the dog, the hairs on his arms stood on end. The sun shone brightly against a white blanket of snow. The whole neighborhood was eerily silent until the hiss of air brakes around the block broke the moment as the school bus pulled away.
Mudgie shifted to the edge of the porch, still searching. A moment later, he leapt from the porch and into the yard, barking urgently as a familiar form staggered into his eye-line.
"Mackenzie!" Dave followed Mudgie into the frozen tundra that had become his front yard and raced towards the girl.
The closer he got to her, the more worried he became; the knees of her jeans were soaked and torn. She staggered closer to him, barely managing to stay upright, he reached for her and pulled her into his arms.
"Come here, Sweetheart." She wrapped her arms around his neck and he lifted her into a fireman's carry.
"You're okay," he told her as she shivered violently against him, he kicked his way through the yard with Mudgie at the head. "You're safe, now. I got you." he said as her head rested against his shoulder.
"I sli-pped in a puddle and I couldn't get up." She said, her teeth chattered so hard that Dave was afraid she would bite her tongue.
"You're okay," he repeated, finally making it to the front porch. His arms ached and the cold was starting to settle in his knees, but he pressed on and brought them up the steps and into the house. He laid her gently on the couch and sat down heavily at her feet, his chest clenched slightly and he knew he overdid it. He blew out a breath and flexed his knuckles, willing his heart to slow down a small, shaking voice broke through his thoughts.
"Are you okay?"
His head popped up and his priorities shifted, "Oh my god, Mackenzie!" He saw her propped up on one arm, her cheeks bright red from the cold. "I'm so sorry, let's get you warmed up," he apologized and started unlacing her boots.
"I'm-okay!" She said, in between her teeth chattering.
"Nope." He shook his head and pulled her boots from her feet. "Let me have your coat." He said as she shrugged off the wet puffer jacket.
"I wanna look at your knee, too." He grabbed a blanket off the foot of the bed and wrapped it around her. "Go lay next to your mom and get warm." He took her arm and led her to the bedroom. "Then, I want to look at your knee."
"What happened?" Erin asked as Mackenzie limped into the bedroom, her baby looked like a drowned rat; hair hung in her eyes frosted with snow and icicles.
"I fell." Mackenzie said, a sob bubbled in her throat. She was cold, frustrated and ready for a nap.
"Oh no!" Erin opened her arms to receive her youngest and most vulnerable child. "I'm sorry."
"I hate this day, Mom." Mackenzie cried with her head against her mother's chest.
"I know," Erin soothed. "I hate it too."
"I'm gonna get some dry clothes and the first aid kit." Dave said and took his leave toward the laundry room.
"I got it," Erin said, untangling herself from Mackenzie, she got to her feet.
"No." Dave argued, "you go comfort her and let me handle the rest."
"She's my kid-"
"So?" Silence sat between them as she followed him to the kitchen. "I'm waiting for you to argue with me, or go back to bed." He wanted to roll his eyes at her stubbornness, but he knew it wouldn't do any good to argue with her.
"Fine!" She huffed, "I'll help her change and then you can come in." Erin said and ducked into the laundry room before he could respond. She found a clean pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt in a basket and went back to the bedroom. Mackenzie was burrowed in the king size comforter, with her wet clothes in a heap next to the bed.
"Come on, Sweetheart. Put your clothes on." Erin said, sitting next to her she tried to pull the shirt over her daughter's head but Mackenzie grabbed it first from under the blanket.
"I can dress myself, Mom." She said and disappeared under the blanket again.
"I know you can." Erin reminded her, "I'm just here to help."
Mackenzie's pale arm popped out of the covers again. "Pants?"
"Right here." Erin handed them to her and waited for her to emerge again. "Dave wants to look at your knee."
"It's not bleeding anymore," Mackenzie protested and rolled over to face the wall.
"Anymore, being the key word," Erin pressed. "It needs to be cleaned or you'll get an infection."
The ten year old shook her head, "it's gonna hurt and I'm okay now!" She protested and dragged the blanket over her head again.
"Mackenzie Grace." Erin said sternly, "Come here, now!"
"What the hell, Erin?" Dave interjected from his spot by the door. "Why are you yelling at her?"
"I'm not yelling at her." Erin fought back, repressing a sudden surge of anger.
Dave patted her arm, "take a break, I got this."
"There are no 'breaks' in motherhood." She snapped, annoyed with him. How could he waltz in like he knew the first thing about parenting?
"First time for everything," Dave brushed Erin off and went to Mackenzie with the first-aid kit in hand. He put his hand on the little girl's shoulder, "hey? What are you doing under there?" He asked, addressing the mound of blankets hiding Mackenzie. He negotiated with terrorists for a living, his ten year old wouldn't be that hard.
"Hiding." Mackenzie responded without leaving her hiding place.
"I can see that. But why?"
"I promise my knee doesn't hurt, Dave. You don't have to mess with it."
"What if I want to mess with it?" He offered.
She lowered the blankets just enough so he could see the tip of her nose. "Do you want to mess with it?" Her bright blue eyes faced him skeptically, she batted her lashes at him and he was hooked. He'd walk barefoot through a field of Legos for her if she asked.
"I think so," he shrugged, "but only if you want me to."
"You can take a nap now. I know you're tired from carrying me."
"Yeah, well.." He paused for dramatic effect, "I might, once your knee is cleaned up."
She shrugged and lowered the blanket to her shoulders. "Okay, but be easy. Promise?"
He grinned and held up his little finger. "I'll do you one better, I pinky promise."
She flashed him a beaming smile, "you can't go back on a pinky promise." She pulled the blankets passed her feet and swung her legs to the edge of the bed.
With gentle hands he pulled the hem of her pants to her thigh. "Did you catch yourself when you fell?"
She nodded, "I tried to."
He took her wrist and inspected the palm of her hand, as he suspected there were small slivers of gravel in her palm.
"Okay." He paused to rummage through the first-aid kit. "Here's the plan. Don't look at what I'm doing."
"What should I look at?" She asked, wrinkling her nose.
"Look at me." He offered, before tearing open an alcohol swab with his teeth.
Mackenzie nodded as Dave swiped the alcohol pad over her palms. She winced and squeezed her eyes shut. He took the tweezers from the first aid kit and wiped them down with a fresh alcohol pad. "Now, just look at me." he coached and went to work plucking the gravel from her hand.
"It hurts!" Mackenzie whined, pulling away from him.
"I know, just look at me."
Erin looked on from the other side of the bed, she watched Dave carefully for any sign of ill intent. She trusted him implicitly but she'd never seen him 'father' her children and wanted to see him in action. He was surprisingly gentle and patient with Mackenzie and he had a way of being authoritative with her children without intimating them. So far, he earned a gold star and she knew, their babies were lucky indeed.
"All done." Dave declared, releasing Mackenzie, who immediately burrowed into his spot on the bed.
"Did it hurt?" Erin asked Mackenzie.
"Nope!"
"Of course not," Dave chimed in, "I wouldn't want to lose my pinky." he said with a grin. "Come lie down, Erin. I think we'll all feel better after a nap."
"You too,Dave." Mackenzie pipped in and he cursed inwardly as he caught Erin staring at him.
"Why did you carry her?" Erin asked, her voice broke slightly at the thought of him straining his heart. "You get winded going up the stairs."
"She needed me," Dave argued. "And it didn't hurt, I just got a little tired." He walked over to her side of the bed and wrapped her in a hug. "We all need you."She pushed back, her voice muffled against his shoulder.
"I know. Now come lay with Mackenzie." He said, stifling a yawn with his hand.
"You come too," Mackenzie said, "I'll lay on the couch," she said and grabbed a pillow off the bed and laid on the couch at the end of the bed.
"Come on," Erin pressed. Worry and guilt gnawed at her. If something happened to him, it would be her fault. "I know you feel like the last man standing here, but you're no good to us if you don't take care of yourself too."
"I-should start dinner-" he hesitated, "before the big kids get home."
"We'll order in." She said sternly, her eyes narrowed and she dared him to cross her. "Come on Dave, I'm pregnant and hormonal and I'm asking you to come hold me."She begged, "Why would you fight me on this?"
"Well," he shrugged, "I think only an idiot would cross you now." And David Rossi was no dummy. His position in the Bureau was uncertain, but his place his home was steady as a drum beat. He took her hand and allowed himself to be led. "I love you, you hot-tempered Asshole."
He grinned, "I love you too."
In truth, he would survive, regardless of his post in the FBI. He'd built an empire that was bigger and more valuable than his job, whatever Director Robinson's ruling, Dave would get by with his family by his side.
AN: If anyone's curious, my story 'It Must Have Been the Mistletoe' covers Dave and Erin's Christmas, which Andy mentions.