A good husband is never the first to go to sleep at night or the last to awake in the morning.
-Honore de Balzac
Erin threw a pillow on the floor in frustration, leaned down and picked it up again. She groaned in annoyance and shoved the offending pillow under her head. The worst part of pregnancy was the ridiculous sleeping patterns. She looked over to Dave's side of the bed, the pillows were still neatly arranged and the comforter was flat. "What the hell are you doing, Dave?"
Dave stretched his knuckles until they cracked and leaned back in the worn out leather arm chair. It conformed to his body like a second skin. It was ugly as sin, patched in obvious places,faded in others, but he would never get rid of it.
His thoughts shuffled between Andy's accusations and worrying about Erin and the kids. He wondered if Erin still felt insecure about their relationship, yet held the question back because he didn't want to hear the answer. Meanwhile, guilt nagged at him for letting Mackenzie walk home in the snow alone. If he had let Andy sit and spin, he would have made it to the bus stop on time to pick her up. The profiler in him worked too hard to give everything up, but a huge part of him liked the idea of playing a more active role in his new family. In a word, this sucked. How much of his children's lives was he willing to miss in order to stay on at the BAU?
He closed his laptop and let the quiet over take him as he pushed his anxiety down. He'd spent several hours crunching numbers and was sure he would die of boredom from all the paperwork if he didn't stop soon. He rolled his head to the side to glance at the clock above the mantle, it was almost midnight. Grabbing his phone from the coffee table, he checked the screen and stood up, tip toeing to the bedroom, he crept through the living room as silent as he could, so he didn't wake Erin. He slipped into the bedroom and pushed the door closed with bated breath.
"You're up late." A familiar voice croaked in the darkness and Dave cursed inwardly as he crawled into bed beside her.
"Sorry-I didn't mean to wake you."
"I've been awake. Why are you up?" She asked, moving into a seated position. She flicked on the bedside lamp to look at him.
"I just- couldn't sleep."
You were looking at the budgets." She took the bottle of water off the table beside her and took a drink. "I told you to leave those alone." She said, screwing the cap back on the bottle.
"Yeah, well." He shrugged, "It doesn't matter since I can't make heads or tails of it."
"I told you they're encrypted." She grouched and put the bottle back on the table. "You should have listened to me from the start."
"And I still can't figure out how you can decipher it."
"Stick to profiling then." She said, leaning close to him. She squeezed his hand in a supportive gesture. "Let me handle this." she said, leaning her head on his shoulder. "Once I'm cleared to go back to Quantico, I'll handle Andy. For now, I'm going back to sleep."
"I don't like this, Erin."
"Like what?" She asked, popping up.
"Settle down, Sweetheart." He instructed and pulled her close to him. "This whole thing with Andy feels wrong. The guy I know would've talked to us face to face, without parading us in front of the Ethics Committee."
"I know, and he definitely wouldn't have yelled at me the way he did."
"That hurt, huh?"
"Not long ago, we were friends."
"Has he ever said anything to you about Harriet?" Dave asked, thinking of Andy's wife.
"No. I haven't seen her since that night in the hotel but she said they were in a good place. "Do you think I should call her?"
Surprised, Dave leaned over to meet her eyes. "Are you two that close?"
"I don't think she would say anything to me." Erin shook her head, dismissing the idea. If she were being honest with herself, Hariet Robinson had the potential to be a good friend, but her habit for gossip kept Erin from reaching out to her. If they ran into each other at a benefit, fine. But if they didn't, Erin didn't miss her. "Give me 14 days and I'll take care of it. Clearly, Andy wants me to take up the mantle and that's what matters."
Being the first female director in 100 years was her lifelong dream, she would have killed for the chance, but now...everything felt unsure.
"So..." he paused, puzzled by her sudden decision. "You're taking it?"
"I don't know. I like the thought of taking over for Andy."
"Director Strauss has a nice ring to it. At some point, you have to put your foot down on this," he said.
'Director Strauss.' she thought, that stung.
"I don't have to do anything after midnight." She sat up and put her feet on the floor, "except pee." she said walking into the bathroom.
"Fair point." He called. "But, in all fairness, I think I like the idea of being the dad caught in school traffic."
"You do?" Her head popped around the bathroom door in surprise.
He nodded, "Andy was right about some things, teaching gives me a predictable schedule."
"Yeah, okay." She scoffed, "I don't think you would last a week without complaining about the traffic" she called and kicked the door closed with her foot.
"Wanna bet?" He asked from the other side of the door.
"What's your wager?" She shot back, coming back into the bedroom.
"Hmm.." Dave scratched his chin and pretended to think it over. "I'll drop Mackenzie off every morning and pick her up in the afternoon if you buy some stuff for the nursery while I'm gone."
"David…" she said. Her eyes glistened and her jaw tensed.
"Don't look so sad." Dave cut in as she crawled back in bed.
"I'm not sad." She fired back, swiping her hand across her face.
"I think your face missed the memo. Come on, Erin. Why won't you try to be excited about this? I'm just asking you to pick out a crib, not take a bullet."
"I believe I said I didn't want to make any decisions after midnight." She deflected, turning away from him to face the wall. "Goodnight, David." She snapped and flicked off the lamp, effectively cutting off their conversation.
.
And just like that,nothing felt sure anymore.
Dave poured his morning coffee into a travel mug just as the kids came down the stairs.
"Hey guys," he screwed the lid on the mug and opened the cabinet, retrieving boxes of cereal and putting them on the counter.
"Hey." Paige said, she poured a bowl of Captain Crunch and took a seat at the bar.
"Hey listen," Dave said as he grabbed his coffee and took a sip to steady his nerves. "How's school going?"
Paige stared at him for a minute and took a bite of cereal. "Is this the part where you act like you're interested?" She asked, without heat.
"I am interested," he shot back. "Come on, tell me something!"
"Don't worry about it." Paul jumped in and took an apple from the fruit bowl on the counter. "It's weird." He said and chomped into the apple.
"Ohh..kay." Dave said and took a sip of coffee.
"It's not that weird," Mackenzie said, climbing onto a stool next to her sister. "I like school. My teacher's nice."
"See?" Dave said and gestured towards Mackenzie, "that's why she's my favorite." he turned to Paul. "Now sit down and have breakfast. So you can go to that school I know nothing about."
"We gotta go," Paige said, and tipped the cereal bowl up. She chugged the remaining milk and slid off the stool. "Come on Paul. We'll be late."
Dave looked at the clock, "Mackenzie, I'm driving you to school."
The 10 year old grabbed her backpack off the back of her chair and stared at Dave. "Why?"
He took another sip of coffee and swallowed. Overnight, his pleasant children turned into weird, alien versions of themselves. The honeymoon was officially over.
"Because I want to." His tone left no room for argument. "Now get in the car." He grabbed his keys and led them to the garage. The black Audi A4 set in the garage, seemingly waiting, scratch that, begging to be driven.
He unlocked the car with the key fob and opened the door to the backseat. "Do you even know where my school is?" Mackenzie asked, scrambling into the back seat with her backpack in hand.
"As a matter of fact, I do. Smarty." Dave fired back without heat. He closed her door and went around to the Driver's side. "But I don't know how much more lip I can take from you kids." He said and closed his door.
"Sorry." Mackenzie shrugged. "But seriously, Dave why are you driving me to school?"
"Well your mom…" he said thinking quickly, "She's worried about you catching the bus on time with so much ice on the sidewalk. She doesn't want you to fall again."
"Oh. Well you can tell her not to worry."
Erin checked her phone for the third time, boredom was starting to sink in, the silence of the house was overwhelming. She hadn't realized how entertaining Dave was until she had to spend a morning without him. With nothing else to do, she grabbed the I-Pad from the bedside table and pulled up Amazon, but nothing held her interest. "Well, we had a deal," she muttered to the empty room. She called up cribs, a whole slew of choices graced her screen: Convertible cribs, bassinets, mini cribs and the cheapest, yet least favored option, the Pack N Play.
Her fingers hovered over a beautiful cherry wood convertible crib, "If I buy this," she muttered and put her hand against her baby bump. "The two of you better come home to sleep in it. Don't make me waste your daddy's money."
Before she could finalize her purchase, her phone rang. Stranger's in the Night, echoed through the silent bedroom.
"Hey." She said and put the phone on speaker.
"Hey, yourself." Dave grumbled and rolled the top down. The crisp air washed against his face in an invigorating breeze. All the kids were safe at school and he felt like he had the whole world at his fingertips.
"What's wrong?"
"Your kids are weird, Erin." Dave said.
"They are not." She argued, "They're teenagers."
"Eh." He shrugged and pulled out of the elementary school's parking lot. "That's pretty much the same thing."
"What happened?"
"I did a terrible thing Erin."
Worry pinched her chest. "Oh my God, David!
"Erin, I was…" he paused for dramatic effect. "I was nice to them."
"David Stephen Rossi- you nearly gave me a heart attack!"
"I know." He dismissed her, "I went too far. But seriously, I made sure they had breakfast and then I guess I broke a cardinal rule."
"What did you do?"
"I asked how school was going."
"Oh honey," She laughed at his expense. The hapless fool had no idea. "School is the LAST thing they want to talk about."
"What the heck am I supposed to talk to them about at 6am?"
"That's the beauty of it." Now it was her turn to pause dramatically.
"Go on."
"You don't have to say anything. Just feed them and throw them out the door."
"Huh.." he turned in the parking lot of the pharmacy. "Okay, I can do that, but I thought there were some hard and fast laws about throwing teenagers."
"Probably, but my kids don't seem to mind."
"I guess not."
"Anyway, when are you coming home? She inquired.
"Miss me already?"
"No." She said stubbornly and crossed her arms even though he couldn't see.
"Uh huh. I stopped at the store, I'll be home in twenty minutes. Need anything?"
"No. And what do you need that we couldn't have delivered?"
"Toilet paper. Milk. Ya know, the basic stuff. Did you pick out a crib yet?"
Erin's heart hammered against her breastbone, In a tone that would have scared Lucifer himself she said, "I swear to God, David if you're going to Quantico I will pack my bags and be gone before you can say 'stop!"
"I told you! I'm not going to Quantico."
"Well then, where the hell are you?"
"Erin my God! I needed to get out of the house for longer than 5 minutes. You can pull the stick out of your ass at any time."
"Well, I can't get out of bed and walk longer than 5 minutes and I…"
"I know that!" He yelled.
He grabbed the gearshift and slammed the car in 'park.' "Do we really have to argue about every damn thing?"
"No. David, we don't." her voice cracked with awful finality. "You speak to me like that again,and that will be our last conversation." The call disconnected, silence reverberated through the car.
"Fuck." He sighed and dropped his head in his hands. He took a deep breath and blew it out, he sat up, squared his shoulders and came up with a plan. His phone sat in the cup holder next to him, his hand hovered over it. Changing his mind, he shoved the phone in his pocket and got out of the car. He slammed the door closed and walked into the store.
A perky woman in a red apron walked up to him as he passed through the double doors. "Can I help you?"
"No!" He growled and yanked a cart from the stall.
All at once, he was a man on a mission. He pulled out his phone and called the only person he could think of, who had a shot in Hell of understanding his situation.
"Yeah?"
"Hey, J.J."
Puzzled, J.J. stopped picking up Henry's blocks and sat down on her couch. "Is everything okay?"
"I snapped on Erin. She's mad at me because I left the house!"
"Because you left the house?" J.J. repeated, flummoxed. "Come on, Dave…"
"I just needed a few minutes to myself and I don't understand why she can't understand that."
Her interest piqued, "did she call you selfish?" J.J. asked and kicked her feet up on the ottoman.
"I'm sure that's what she meant, but that doesn't mean I understand it."
"Rossi, you've been married three times!"
"Yeah! And divorced! Now tell me what to do."
"I'm going to." J.J. giggled, "I just wanted to hear you say it."
"YOU; Jennifer Jareau, are a cruel woman." Dave snapped, annoyed at her teasing.
"Listen. I'm going to tell you what I wish someone would have told Will when I was pregnant."
"I'm all ears," He growled.
"Right now, Erin's entire being is focused on your children."
"Yeah? So. I rearranged the house so she wouldn't have to climb the stairs."
"You rearranged the house for your children, Dave." J.J. Snapped, "NOT your wife."
Truly perplexed now, Dave stood in the toilet paper aisle and stared at the shelves. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"When's the last time you touched her, Dave?"
"Last night."
"No." J.J. shook her head, "you probably put your arm around her and held her baby bump."
"Yeah, so? She likes it. She says she feels secure."
"And I'm sure she does."
"I sense a 'but' here, so fly straight with me here."
"She probably feels like an incubator, Dave."
"She's not." He fired back, "I love her, babies or no babies."
"Then prove it."
Dave swallowed tightly, he'd heard those words before. "How?"
"Do something for her, today. JUST for Erin. Not the babies, do something to make her feel like a woman."
"What do you suggest?"
"Paint her toenails."
"Wait...Are you serious?"
"Absolutely. Go to the store and get some nice lotion and a few bottles of nail polish. Then go home and apologize."
He chuckled, "Usually I'm the one handing out advice."
"So?"
"Okay, I take your point. Thanks J.J."
"Go home, Dave."
The call disconnected and he made a beeline to the makeup section.
"Hey," Dave said, as he stepped into the threshold of their bedroom, armed with a pink paper gift bag.
"I bought your fucking cribs." Erin snapped, The I-pad skidded across the floor and landed at his feet.
"Seriously?" Dave asked and stooped down to pick up the tablet. "Did you go with the oak or the cherry?" He asked, inspecting the tablet for damage.
"What difference does it make to you?" She snapped. "I bought the cribs like you asked, so stop giving me the third degree."
Dave stepped back and narrowly dodged the pillow that whizzed past his head.
"Do you want me to leave or are we going to talk this out?" He asked harshly as he stepped further in the room.
"What's to say? You wanted cribs, you got cribs. I'd think you'd be thrilled."
"I've got a bad back and a weak heart, I'm not exactly turning cartwheels. So...talk to me."
"Don't hold your heart health over my head." She whispered; staring at the wall away from him. She was tired of arguing. All they did was argue and if they weren't, someone was dying. Their whole relationship was built on fighting and it wasn't right.
"I'm not." He reached out and touched her to me." he said, when she didn't flinch from his touch.
She turned to face him, with tears in her eyes. "I don't like that your love for me and my children is contingent on my love for your babies." Even as she said it, she knew it sounded wrong. But she couldn't help it. "Please.." Her voice cracked as she tried to swallow the lump in her throat. "Don't ask me to buy anymore stuff. It gives me too much anxiety."
"O..kay."He said slowly, worry ached in his gut, buying a crib shouldn't cause so much stress. "You don't have to buy anything else." He leaned over and kissed her temple. "I love you, still." He said as he turned on his heel and paused at the doorway. "I love you. I love our family and I'm confident that you know that. Otherwise, we wouldn't be here." He paused the big dramatic speech and waited for her rebuttal, but she just laid there. Completely numb to his words. "I do love you," he tried again. "I'm going to get you some help because the way you feel right now isn't normal. It's not you. I love you." He said again and stepped out of the room.
He grabbed his phone and dialed the only number that could help them. HIPAA might frown on him; but as they say, desperate times call for desperate measures. The call connected on the first ring.
"Mary," Dave breathed a sigh of relief and sat down on the sofa. "This is Dave Rossi and before you ask; everything is NOT okay."