"Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now ..."

— Fred Rogers

"Dave." the voice on the other end of the line was tense, "I'm sorry, I can't refer Erin without seeing her first and I don't have an appointment for her until next week."

"I'll give you two-thousand dollars." Dave offered without thinking.

"Which I can't accept!" Mary said, mildly offended. "You can't bribe me to push my other patients out of the way. She has her appointment booked."

"She's your friend-" Dave interjected. "And I don't think she can wait that long."

"Anxiety is a normal part of being pregnant," Mary tried to console him.

"Not like this. She can't stop crying, she threw an I-pad at my head. This isn't normal. Please!" Dave begged, "just come to the house tomorrow and see her for yourself."

Mary paused and took a breath, she knew a frantic husband when she heard one. Ignoring his plea for help would make her a terrible doctor.

"Okay," she pulled up her calendar on her personal computer, "I'll come by on my lunch break this afternoon. Send me the address."

"Thank you!" Dave sighed in relief, "I'm not telling her you're coming."

"Best not. I want to catch her off guard so she can't put up a brave face."

"Thank you, " Dave repeated, some of the fear he felt slipped off his

shoulders.

"You're welcome." She said sternly. "And Dave?"

"Yeah?"

"Be nice to her." She said and disconnected the call.

Dave slid his phone on the coffee table, why did everyone keep saying that?

He stood up from the couch and looked at the clock, he had several hours before he had to pick up Mackenzie and he was determined to spend them wisely. "Hey Babe," he said and let himself into their bedroom. "Are you ready to talk to me now?"

"I'm sorry-" She whispered, "I shouldn't have said those things to you." She was pathetic. She couldn't even lay in bed correctly and her confidence was nil.

"I'm sad for free." She admitted, "I didn't mean to take it out on you."

"What does that mean?" He asked, genuinely confused.

"It means I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't remember being this moody with my other kids."

"C'mere." he said sitting on the edge of the bed. She sat up and let him take her in his arms. She took a breath, letting him comfort her. his hand stroked her back and she melted under his touch. "You're a good husband. I don't know why people keep divorcing you."

He barked a laugh, "If I were still married, we wouldn't be here." He reminded her.

"And that would suck for me."

"Yeah, me too." He swallowed hard, "Erin…" he paused to gather his thoughts. "I think we need to talk about James."

"No, we don't." She said and pushed herself away from Dave. "I don't know what there is to talk about."

As usual, he plowed right in, regardless of her protests. " We need to get a handle on this anxiety."

"Nobody knows that more than I do. If you're going to profile me, you can leave."

He shrugged, profiling was his default setting. "I know you're afraid of a repeat scenario, Erin. I know you're trying to distance yourself from the babies because you don't want to get hurt."

She chewed her bottom lip, he had her pegged. "Yeah," she admitted with fresh tears in her eyes. "You're right and I don't want you to lose another child."

Dave sighed deeply and held her hand in a vice-like grip. "He was mine, Erin."

"I know."

"I don't think you do." He reached up to hold her face in his hands, his thumb traced the side of her cheek. "I need you to let him go. Let go of the fear. He would be a grown man by now."

"I know," she said, "that's what bothers me."

He leaned forward and kissed her forehead, "come on." he said, letting her go. He got up and went to the dresser. "Get dressed and get out of bed for a few minutes."

Hell, he thought to himself, no wonder she was going crazy, two days of laying around was like a week for Erin, she was a woman of action who was forced to

stop completely. He couldn't blame her.

He pulled out one one of his old T-shirts and a pair of yoga pants and laid them on the bed.

"How about a shower first?" She asked, and put her feet on the floor.

"I'll give you one better." He said and took the pink bag off the dresser before ducking into the bathroom, he dropped the stopper into the bathtub and opened the taps on full blast. As the tub filled, he pulled the plastic off a purple bath bomb with his teeth and threw the fizzy ball into the tub. He checked the temperature of the water and when he was satisfied, he cut off the water. Phase one of his mission was complete.

Reaching back into the bag, he withdrew a scented candle and a lighter. He set both on the sink and lit the candle. Completing phase two.

He stood at the doorway, waiting for her to notice him. "Hey, Beautiful." He called and cocked his head to the side. "Come here."

Erin looked up in surprise, "What's going on?"

"You threw an I-pad at my head, Erin. I think I deserve a hug."

"That was a warning shot," She said, and wrapped her arms around his neck.

He grinned, "Yeah I figured." He released her and led her into the bathroom.

"What's all this?"

"Well, I couldn't take you to the spa, so I thought I could bring a little bit of luxury to you."

"Uh huh…what's the catch?"

"No catch," he shrugged. "Erin…" he paused long enough to gather his courage. "I know I haven't said it before but I think you need to hear it."

"Okay…" she sat down on the closed toilet seat and waited.

"It's you I love." He said, with stars in his eyes. " With or without the babies, it's you and it's always been you and I'm sorry it took me so long to realize how important you are to me." Suddenly, the words tumbled passed his lips before he had time to rehearse them.

"David-" She tried to interrupt him. "You don't have to say these things."

"No," he held up his hand. I'm not done. I'm telling you now, right here." paused to kneel on the tile floor in front of her and took her hand in his. "You are the single most important person in my life. The other night in the hospital, I thought for sure I was going to have to make a choice and I made it. As soon as we got to the hospital, I knew what I would say if the doctor asked."

Her throat felt thick with emotions, "What did you choose?"

"I chose you. Erin, you're not just a mother to the kids or a Section Chief for the FBI. You're my safe place and my favorite person and I can't look at my life 20 years from now without seeing you at the center of it. I want you to be my wife. Marry me because we love each other, because nothing else matters."

He waited. Time seemed to come to a screeching halt as he waited for her answer. Erin's heart knocked against her ribs as she watched Dave, she heard every word he said and for once, she believed them. He was right when he said they were a team, but a team was different from a marriage. Her head swam and she wanted to go back to bed. She wanted to start the day over and be more prepared.

"What do ya say?" His voice broke through her thoughts.

"Please tell me, you bought an engagement ring from the pharmacy."

He laughed and said, "No, I did not. I bought it from my jeweler and I will show it to you once you're out of the tub." He said and stood up, his knees ached from kneeling on the tile floor.

"Um..Excuse me," she said, stopping him in his tracks, "if you don't kiss me, your proposal doesn't count."

He paused and ate the distance between them with quick strides, in one smooth motion she was on her feet, in his embrace. Her back was supported by his arm, the ends of her hair brushed the tile floor.

His mouth crashed onto hers and swept her in a tide of lust she hadn't felt in decades. They were definitely getting married, if nothing else she would get to kiss him like this for the rest of their lives.

He broke away so they could catch their breath. "You never said yes."

"Shut up and kiss me again."

And he did. The chime of the doorbell broke the moment, "Leave it." She protested as he pulled away. "It's just the Census Bureau."

"It's not," he said. "I invited Mary over."

Well fuck.

"Why?" She hissed. "I'm fine!"

"You're happy for now, but as soon as I leave the house you'll be a basket case again."

"So that's how you see it!" She roared, "Fuck you, David Rossi and the white horse you rode in on."

"Just so you're aware, you're not nearly as quiet as you think you are!" A voice called from the living room.

"Oh, Mary!" Dave said, "thanks for letting yourself in." he said dryly.

"Well if I didn't you're neighbors were going to call the cops."

"We're not that loud!" Erin protested.

"Whatever," Mary said and waved her away. "Dave, get out and let me talk to Erin."

"What if I want to stay?"

Mary shrugged, "you called me, but we're on your turf."

"No." Erin said sharply. "I don't want to be around you right now because you say dumb shit, like 'basket case."

"That settles it," Mary said, "Dave, you're out." To seal the deal the good doctor closed the door in his face and flipped the lock. "So," she turned to her patient. "What did he do now?"

"Do you want to know what he did in the general sense or what he did seven minutes ago?"

Mary shrugged and led them to the bed. "All of the above."

"It's not his fault," Erin said, "and I think he's right. I am a basket case."

"Why do you say that?" Mary asked, gently squeezing Erin's hand.

Erin shrugged, "I can't sleep, I can't eat.." she paused to gather her thoughts. "I keep thinking that something else is going to go wrong."

"What exactly are you worried about?"

"I read the literature." Erin said flatly, the truth is, she spent hours surfing the internet, getting thrown deeper into the rabbit hole of doom and destruction. "We both know I'm too old for these babies to be born normal." The words fell out before she could think to stop them. Sweet relief swept over her, someone was listening to her.

Mary watched her patient carefully, the way her shoulders slumped and the new lines on her forehead told the good doctor that Erin had already decided that her pregnancy was doomed from the start.

"Erin, I don't think that's true. I know, with Dave's heart attack and the car accident at the beginning of your pregnancy, your guard is up but you can't build a wall around yourself on the off chance that the bottom falls out."

"Mary," Erin's voice shook as she looked up, meeting her doctor's eyes for the first time since sitting down on the bed. "Tell me what to do."

"I think it's the fear of the unknown." Mary reached into her briefcase and pulled out some pamphlets. "Here." She put them on the bedside table. "You don't have to read these now, but I think some genetic testing will help you feel more secure."

Erin nodded in agreement. "I'll think about it."

"Tell me," Mary pressed, "How's your relationship with David? I know you were still new when you came into the office the first time."

"He asked me to marry him."

"So?" Mary shrugged, "he's done that before."

"He did it the right way." Erin shrugged, "he said all the right things."

"I would hope so, he's a bestselling author. What did you say?"

Erin looked up to meet Mary's eyes, and beamed. "I said yes."

"Do you love him?"

"Yes." Erin nodded. "I didn't know I did until his heart attack. When I saw him lying in the hospital bed.." Her voice trailed off. "He'd started working out and trying to be healthy, because I asked him to. He almost killed himself because he was trying to make me happy."

"You didn't cause his heart attack," Mary said gently.

"I know that, but we argue so damn much, I'm afraid he'll have another one."

"How is his health?"

"He seems fine."

"Is he keeping his appointments?"

Erin's stomach dropped, "oh my God! Mary, I have no idea." She was so self involved that she hadn't thought about Dave or his follow up appointments. Guilt coursed through her, good wives didn't forget about their husbands.

"Okay!" Mary interrupted her internal diatribe, "don't panic. We're going to ask him."

"And when he lies to me?"

"Oh," Mary smirked and said, "he's not going to lie to me." She declared, throwing open the door to the bedroom. "Dave?"

"Yeah?" He questioned, turning away from the stove. He was elbow deep in wonder bread, butter and cheddar cheese.

"When was your stress test?" The good doctor asked, eyeing him critically. She plopped down on a stool at the bar and Dave had the distinct feeling he was under interrogation. He swallowed and waited for her to press him further. She didn't disappoint him.

"You didn't go, did you?"

"I've been busy." He deflected and flipped a grilled cheese sandwich onto a plate.

"Right." Mary said glibly. "And Erin's going to be extremely busy planning your funeral when you keel over."

"I'm FINE." He growled.

"I hear you " She leveled with him. "and I believe you. You have a lot on your plate right now."

"Eh," he shrugged, "I do my best work when the stakes are high."

"But this is a different kind of pressure."

"You got that right." Dave flipped another sandwich onto a plate and slid it towards her. "I'm trying to keep everyone alive."

"And you're doing a great job of it." She said, tearing off a piece of bread with her fingers. "Now, you have to take care of yourself. That's what Erin wants."

"She forgot." He shrugged offhandedly, it didn't bother him. Erin couldn't hassle him about things he didn't want to do, if she forgot about them.

.

"You can't take that personally, she could plan her own surprise party right now."

He shook his head, "you have no idea how right you are."

"So, you'll reschedule your appointment?"

"Sure thing, Doc. Next week."

"That'll work."