Love is something sent from heaven to worry the hell out of you.
-Dolly Parton
Two weeks later.
"I think we should know." Erin said, for the third time.
"I think we should let nature take its course," Dave argued. "We'll handle it when they're born."
"I want to be prepared."
"I don't get it." Dave threw his hands in the air and stalked across the living room. "First, you're terrified of miscarrying and now you want to elect to let a doctor shove a needle in your uterus. Twice!" Because that makes total sense, Dave kept the thought to himself and continued pacing the living room. While Erin watched him from the sofa, books covered every conceivable surface of the living room as the pair agonized over the decision of genetic testing.
"It's not as bad as you make it sound." Erin said and tossed the book in her lap, to the floor. She was free to move around the first floor of their house, but currently she didn't want to leave the couch.
"Well, it doesn't sound good. Ya know," he continued when Erin didn't respond. "Carolyn never pulled any of this crap."
"Yeah and look what happened," Erin snapped, "that was 30 years ago David. I doubt that amniocentesis even existed."
"Erin-I know what you're about to say and I don't like it."
"Oh, yeah?" She challenged, "What am I about to say?"
"You're going to pull that liberal 'my body, my choice' shit.
"I was thinking about it. Now, stop pacing before you throw yourself into another heart attack."
"Don't tell me what to do." He threw back, without any heat.
"Get your ass over here."
"Yes, Ma'am." He picked up her feet and put them in his lap. "So, what are we going to do?"
"I don't know." She shrugged, "I still think it's a good idea."
"And I think it's crazy."
"Mary had a suggestion-'' Erin hedged, it wasn't the most ideal solution.
"I'm listening."
"We could do the amnio on one baby instead of both."
"Like..even the playing field?" He asked, even though he knew the answer.
"That's what she offered."
"I don't like it." He said and crossed his arms stubbornly across his chest.
"Well, I don't like it either."
"So, don't do it." He shrugged, as if this was an easy decision. "We're not playing God with our kids." End of discussion.
"What if they're sick?" She asked, voicing her fear for what felt like the millionth time. "They could have Down Syndrome or some other defect in a chromosome I've never heard of."
"You're overreacting." He said, squeezing her foot.
"I googled it!"
"You fell down the rabbit hole, alright."
"Why are you not taking this seriously?"
"I'm seriously wondering why we're talking about this. We can do the blood test and it's a lot less terrifying."
"I want the most accurate results," she shot back.
"There's no point."
"Shut up." She said and rolled her eyes, "I would feel better if I knew what we were getting into."
"We're not letting the results change anything-Right?"
A pause filled the room as Dave waited for Erin's reply. He watched her chew a hole in her bottom lip. "Erin, tell me you agree with me." He snapped, unwilling to accept anything else.
"You're right."
The two words fell like a judge's gavel, sealing their fate. "I know you're right."
But, right or wrong it was her body and her choice. At least, that's what Dave kept telling himself as they walked across the parking lot to the doctor's office. "Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?" He asked, leading Erin through the double doors and into the waiting room of the perinatal clinic.
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because," she said sharply, "I need to feel like I'm in control of something." She said and grabbed the clipboard off the counter and signed in.
"So, paint the nursery." He let go of her arm and pivoted to stand in front of her. "Please," he wasn't above begging at this point. "Don't do this." After everything they went through, from the car accident on down the line; Dave couldn't stand the thought of losing them. He didn't want to push their luck.
"I need this testing, David." She wasn't above begging either. "I can't lay in bed and worry for the next 20 weeks." The anxiety was unbearable, every time she closed her eyes she saw her twins. Tiny, frail and deformed. In her mind's eye, she saw 2 pairs of clubbed feet, missing limbs and despair. She needed to prove her anxiety wrong. She needed to tell it to go to hell, for once and for all.
"But, what if we're wrong, Erin?" He took her hand, "this is our last chance."
"I know!" She fired back, "you think I don't know that, David I don't know what else to do. I'm drowning here and this feels like the only way to shore." She said, not caring that the receptionist and 3 other couples were watching them with keen interest.
"Okay," Dave surrendered, just to end their argument. So, the other couples would stop watching them; David Rossi loved the limelight, but not like this. Now, he was a dad fighting his wife for the safety of their children. The whole argument sent acid churning in his gut and he hated himself for it. "Erin, I love you, and that's all I've got."
"So..I can do this?"
"Is there nothing I can say to stop you?"
"I'm sorry," she meant it.
A sharp voice cut through the next phase of their argument. "Erin Strauss?"
"Let's go," Erin growled, tugging on Dave's hand. Walking with purpose, they followed the nurse down the hall in awkward silence. "Exam room 3," the nurse instructed and handed Erin a paper gown. "You can undress from the waist down."
The door swung closed and Erin heard the latch click behind her.
"She's a peach," Dave said dryly.
"Oh I know." Erin said, pulling on the gown. "I'll make a generous donation to the hospital if she isn't with us in the delivery room."
"I'm really glad we're on the same page there." Dave said, he wanted to roll his eyes and walk out, if everything he fought for was headed for shit, he didn't want to watch it.
"I'm sorry." She repeated, with terrible finality.
"This is a bad idea, Erin." Dave tried again, "It's a terrible idea, please, just let me take you home."
Before she could respond, the door swung open and Mary walked in, followed by a cold faced woman that Erin had never seen before. "This is Doctor Stone," Mary said, "She specializes in high-risk, multiple pregnancies."
"I'll be performing your amnio," Dr. Stone continued, before Mary could speak for her.
'Like Hell you will.' Dave wanted to scream, terrible thoughts reverberated inside his head like a horror movie. He'd seen awful things in his career, bodies and victims peppered his everyday life, but nothing he saw on the job could compare to the disaster that played over and over on an endless loop inside his head.
"How long have you two known each other?" Erin asked, eyeing Dr. Stone carefully.
"I transferred from John Hopkins about a year ago," Dr. Stone offered.
"Transferred?" Dave's interest peaked, "John Hopkins is a great hospital, why would you leave them?" He watched as Dr. Stone tucked her short red hair behind her ear, clearly she was uncomfortable with his question.
The doctor swallowed, "my father lives here." She answered curtly, "Now, if there are no more questions, I'd like to go ahead with the exam."
"Mary?" Erin interjected, still standing near the exam table. "Can we speak privately?"
Dr. Welby nodded, "Of course."
Dave took the hint and left the room.
"Dr. Welby?" Dr. Stone protested, "we have other patients to see."
"You're free to go see them," Erin said, in her most authoritative tone.
"Erin-" Mary cut in.
"No," Erin crossed her arms across her chest. "Dr. Stone is free to leave."
Erin waited for the click of the lock, before she spoke.
"What the hell was that about?" Mary asked sharply, professionalism had left her relationship with Erin, long ago.
"I don't like this. I don't like Dr. Stone and I don't appreciate being farmed out to another doctor without my consent."
"That's not what happened."
"That's how it looks." Erin said, tapping her foot against the cold tile floor.
"I'm sorry, I should have cleared it with you. Dr. Stone is a great doctor, I just wanted her opinion."
"I don't care if you go to her for advice, but I don't want her anywhere near me or my babies."
"We can do that," Dr. Welby agreed.
"Good," Erin nodded and hoisted herself onto the exam table. "Can you ask Dave to come in here so we can get this over with?"
"Everyone looks great!" Dr. Welby declared, moving the ultrasound conductor across Erin's abdomen.
"How are their feet?" Erin asked, anxiously staring at the monitor.
"All body parts are in their correct shape and place," Mary assured.
"What about the neural tubes?" Dave cut in, from his spot next to Erin's head.
"All closed and perfectly formed."
It seemed like all the oxygen had been released into the room as both parents took a collective breath. "What about baby A's placenta?" Erin asked.
"I don't see any risk of Placenta Previa," Mary said, "we can do the amnio to give you more information; but so far your babies look great."
Erin paused as Mary turned to a small tray next to Erin and prepped two long needles that would extract a sample of amniotic fluid from each of the twins. A divine sense of wrongness permeated the air. As Erin sat up slightly, letting the gown fall back into place. Dave took a seat across the room to give the doctor more room to work. Truth be told, he wanted to bolt out of the room.
"You can lift your gown now," Dr. Welby said as an obstetric nurse prepared to place the ultrasound probe against Erin's abdomen, to guide the needle.
"NO!" Erin yelled and grabbed for Dr. Welby's hand, stopping the good doctor in her tracks. "I don't want to do the test."
"Are you sure?" Mary asked.
"I'm completely sure." Erin nodded and chanced a look at Dave, "I don't want to put our babies at risk."
"So, you're not worried about defects?" Mary asked, surprised. "We can do a blood test to rule things out."
"We'll deal with it," Erin nodded towards Dave "We'll face it together."
Dave bolted from his seat, "do the blood test," he commanded. On some level Erin was right, she needed the reassurance and he wasn't going to stand in the way of that.
Erin nodded, "he's right. I want the blood test."
"Okay." Dr. Welby said, "you can get dressed and I'll send a nurse in to draw your blood and we will call you with the results. Until then, I'll see you next week."
"What about the bedrest?" Erin asked, "please tell me I can go to work."
You're free to resume normal activity; but no stairs and-" Dr. Welby shot a shrewd look towards Dave, "nothing crazy. If you're going to have sex, make love. Now is not the time to get rough."
Dave nodded resolutely, "yes ma'am."
"And, I want absolutely zero stress. Keep your blood pressure low."
"Yes, Ma'am." Erin shot back as the door closed on the good doctor.
"What made you change your mind?" Dave asked, leading them back through the pair of double doors and into the parking lot.
"Dr. Stone was horrible!" Erin said and Dave felt some of the tension from their earlier argument, slip off his shoulders.
"I didn't like the way she looked at us." Dave admitted. "She was awful," he spat, trying to remove the sour taste in his mouth.
"I know. I asked Mary to take her off of our case."
"Ya know," he said as he opened the door to the passenger side of Audi. "It was kinda hot, when you threw her out."
"You saw that?" Erin said, blushing slightly at being called 'hot.' When the only 'hot' she felt were irregular hot flashes in the middle of the night.
"Of course." Dave paused, "Have we met? I wasn't leaving you alone in there."
"You're a good Dad, David Rossi." She said and climbed into the car.
"I'm a better husband."
"Probably." She shrugged.
An hour later and it was Dave's turn in the paper gown. He looked around from his seat on the exam table. His nerves jangled and his foot tapped against the footrest of the exam table. What if he put the appointment off too long? He felt great, but what if he was wrong? The silence of the exam room was palatable, he was cold and vulnerable. Erin sat in a chair beside him and he didn't know what to say to her.
"Hey." She said, meeting his eyes. She stood up and squeezed his hand tightly. "I'm not leaving you alone here."
He grinned and the corners of his eyes crinkled, "You're a good wife."
"Probably." She shrugged, "we'll get through it together."
Suddenly, there was a quick knock at the door.
"Come in," Dave barked. Erin let go of his hand and moved to a chair against the wall.
"Mr. Rossi," Dr. Anderson breezed through the door. "It's good to see you again."
"How's it feel?" Erin asked. She held out her hand for the keys to the car. "I'm driving."
"I knew I felt great!" He didn't want to admit the intense relief he felt knowing that he was completely healthy. "I'll drive," he argued.
"Fine," she shrugged, "I didn't want to drive anyway."
"I don't like you driving one handed," he said, pointing to the cast on her wrist.
"You don't hate it more than I do," she said, taking his hand.
"Here's hoping we're 3 for 3 and they cut that thing off today."
"Tell me about it," she was tired of lugging it around, the cast itched like hell and no amount of baby powder helped. Showers were an adventure, plastic wrap and trash bags didn't do much to keep it dry. The plaster molding was warped around the top and she was pretty sure it was starting to smell. In short, the cast had to go. If the doctor didn't cut it off, she was one bad day away from handing Dave a steak knife and telling him to go nuts.
"Ya know," Dave said, "we've had a really weird string of luck so far."
"I know," Erin shook her head.
"It looks like our luck has turned around," Erin said, she felt like a new woman. The cast was gone! Her arm was shriveled, hairy and pale; but it was free! She could drive!
"Okay," she held out her hand for the keys. "I'm driving home."
"Eh.." Dave frowned, eyeing her atrophied arm. "If I drive, we can stop for ice cream."
"Fine." She huffed and used her newly freed arm to open her own car door.
"What do you think?" Dave turned into their neighborhood, "want to help me put together the cribs?" He asked. a gallon of vanilla ice cream sat in the back seat along with enough sundae toppings to rival Baskin Robbins.
"Only if help is code for supervising." The only assistance she planned to offer involved a bowl of ice cream and a spoon.
"You got it."
"Thank you," She whispered, so low that he had to strain to hear her.
"For what?" He leaned in slightly, he slowed the Audi to a crawl and pulled into their driveway.
"For being on my side today. I didn't expect that and I'm sorry that I doubted you."
"I'm always going to be on your side." He lifted her hand and squeezed her fingers, "we're a team, remember? You didn't ditch me either." He let go of her hand and put the Audi in park behind her bright blue Subaru Forester. She loved that car and couldn't wait to drive it again.
"How could I?" She asked, "I hate to see you so afraid."
He shrugged, "I wasn't worried about dying," he clarified. "I worry about leaving you all behind."
"Don't talk like that."
"I don't want to miss anything."
"You won't." She leaned over the center console and kissed him, both hands wrapped around his neck. He turned towards her, his hands tangled in her hair. She couldn't believe it; suddenly, they were necking in the driveway like two teenagers! It was great! His beard scratched her neck, sending sparks down her body in waves of pleasure. He shifted towards her again, pushing her back into the passenger seat. Their combined breath fogged the windows of the car, he came over the center console, his body throbbed, he was ready to show her exactly how he felt. When suddenly, an ear splitting crash broke them apart.
"SONOFABITCH!" Dave roared and jerked away from Erin. He looked down at the gearshift, stuck in drive. He grabbed it and slammed it back in park.
"What the hell happened?" She sat up and put her sweater back in place.
"My dick hit your car." He growled and got out of the car to inspect the damage.
"Of course," Erin grumbled and followed him, two shattered tail lights and one cracked headlight lay in the driveway. "This would only happen to us," She said, picking the plastic out of the driveway.
"Leave it," he grabbed her waist and pushed her back against the rear of her car. Her mouth found his jaw, "do you want to do it?" He growled against her ear.
"Can't get pregnant twice."