Here I Am - The Boxer Rebellion

Bella

I woke up in Jasper's arms, my body was pressed against his enough for me to feel his every muscle, his warm breath tickling my face and neck. His hold on me was strong and made me feel safe, safer than I had felt last night. I stayed in his arms until I fell asleep once again, not caring that I was taking advantage of his affection, his warmth and comfort. I felt a heat coil inside me when he unconsciously pulled me closer and placed his lips on the space between my neck and shoulder. It took me a moment to realize that he was still sleeping but it still didn't stop me from loving every touch.

As much as I tried to sleep though, any ache I would feel in my body reminded me of the events that took place last night.

James showed up at the club. He put his hands on me like he always did, as if I had never left. Saying hurtful, bone-chilling things in my ear and then those men in the club...the ones I knew all too well. Then it all melted away when Jasper brought me home - saved me again.

His gentle touch warmed my cold body as they healed me both physically and emotionally as best as he could. The patience he displayed every time he was with me astounded me to no end. It was the one thing about him that made me feel like I didn't deserve him. With that thought, I considered I didn't deserve Peter either. How could they want someone so damaged?

Feeling guilty for taking both of these kind men for granted I made a decision and with that I slipped away from Jasper's arms, easing out of the bed to retrieve my flimsy backpack and stuffing the little amount of clothes I had before going to the guest bathroom down the hall, in front of Peter's room. I changed into a pair of black torn up jeans and a grey hoodie with my only pair of converse I had. I felt numb while I looked at my reflection in the mirror, my forehead had a bandaid on it that covered up the cut inflicted by James but I could already see a bruise forming around it.

Fighting off the tears that threatened to escape my eyes I walked out the bathroom and stood in front of Peter's bedroom, not knowing if I should say anything. I saw how angry they both were last night, I've never seen such rage in Peter's eyes before and it frightened me. Not because I thought he would hurt me - not after experiencing how loving he was when we slept together a few days ago. I ached to think I might never feel such a loving moment again with another man. Even more when I thought about how Jasper was just as tender.

Opening the door to his room slowly I could barely make him out in the darkness till I saw his sleeping form in the middle of the bed. He was sleeping though I could see just how exhausted he was from the under eye circles forming. He must have had a horrible night too. After Jasper told me James would never hurt me again I wondered if it was true but seeing how Jasper beat him worse than I've ever been, I didn't doubt it.

I closed the door behind me and made my way down the stairs without making too much noise and contemplated leaving without saying a word but I couldn't be that ungrateful to them.

Leaving a note for both of them on the kitchen table I wiped a stray tear away that slid down my cheek before heading out, finally saying goodbye to them and thanking them for caring about me.

Possibly. Maybe. For loving me...even if it was just a little.

Jasper

My eyes opened when the bright sunlight peeked through the window for a second before being consumed by the clouds again.

I noticed Bella wasn't in my arms anymore and alarm entered my mind when I felt the space where she had slept on to find the sheets and pillow didn't have any heat from her body anymore. I tried to be rational, maybe she was just getting something to eat downstairs or in the bathroom but I had to make sure.

Her bedroom. No.

The living room. Nothing.

The kitchen. Not here either.

The backyard, the porch, the guest bathroom, and finally back to my room. Nothing. Not here.

Bella wasn't here.

Realization set in then, while a part of me already knew it was true. Then, cold rage coursed through my veins at the sight of a single small note on the kitchen counter and the delicate handwriting made it difficult to not think of anything other than innocence. Pure, kind and fucking heartbreaking innocence.

But it wouldn't be like this. Not without ensuring her safety and that she was able to return to her apartment now that James is gone - thanks to Peter, and that I may or may not have paid Bella's rent month's in advance so that she wouldn't lose the only home she truly knew. That empty, trashed apartment where he would torment her for years on end...

I took the stairs, two at a time, and didn't give a shit as I let myself into Peter's room. I grimaced at the sight of my best friend who was buried under the sheets and blankets, his head under the grey pillow with his hands holding the sides down. As if he were awake and trying to keep any noise out that I may have made downstairs. I walked around the bed and yanked the thick curtains aside to let the pale sunlight that beamed through the cloudy sky.

If it would start raining and Bella walked all the way back to her apartment...

Peter stirred slightly, groaning in protest at the light that made it's way over to him but then he grew quiet. Even his breathing was so low I knew he was awake now.

I sat down on the bed, facing away towards the window. For a moment we stayed in silence until I spoke again, not being able to hide the somber tone which surprised me.

"...She's gone."

The sheets rustled and the mattress creaked as he shifted to face me no doubt. I placed the note I had crumpled in my hand in front of him, still not looking him in the eyes. His fingers reached for the paper and opened Bella's goodbye to read it.

"She thinks it's her fault. Everything that happened, everything James did to her. She has bruises and cuts all over her and she still thinks it's her fault, for not paying off the debts. He could have pointed a fucking gun at one of us and she would blame herself for his own actions."

He sighed as he sat up, his voice hoarse as if he had been screaming last night, it made me wonder if he had nightmares again. Every time he had to show that dark, cruel side of himself and had to do horrible things to our enemies, it was always the same. The nightmares that haunted me whenever I'd wake up to his screaming. I knew every time his nightmares were taking him back there in that room with those pigs that my father gladly slaughtered. The first time I met Peter flashed before my eyes, his young face bruised and sallow and his eyes...soulless and hateful.

A part of me wondered if they stopped tormenting him the moment Bella stumbled into our lives.

But now...

"She doesn't know we saved her apartment, does she?" Talked is mild compared to how I approached the asshole of a landlord and made it perfectly clear that I would be paying for the rent until Bella would come to a conclusion on wether or not she would officially move in with us.

Idiot, I was a true idiot for thinking that for one second.

"She'll most likely go to a friends house..." I tried to make myself believe in that possibility but Peter stood up from the bed and trudged over to the dresser, pulling on a pair of pants and a random shirt, the first things he could find. "What are you doing?"

"I'm bringing her back, Jasper. I'm not going to just let her leave without properly explaining why she thinks her leaving is the best thing to do and then if she tells me what her plans are going forward, maybe I can understand."

I remained silent.

He turned to face me, his brown hair slightly ruffled from his restless sleep and his grey eyes were darker than usual from the exhaustion.

"Well? Are you coming with me or not?"

"You truly care about her, don't you?"

Peter scoffed and walked up to the bed, only a foot away from as he looked down at me. He snapped, "Don't act like you don't. I've seen how you look at her."

"Maybe it's for the best," I murmured, "think about how she's going to cope when we tell her. If we tell her that we're not only involved with the mafia but the ones who are in charge of the Cullen family too. What we do Peter? It's not exactly safe for her to be around us either. She won't find the peace that she needs to heal." Both physically and mentally. There's no way to guarantee that we can provide the comfort Bella needs, not really. No matter how much we care for her - protect her from our enemies. And if anything happened to her because of us? I don't think either me or Peter could cope with the loss of a girl we grew so dependent on. Her warmth and kindness, her strength that seemed to surpass my own...I wouldn't be able to get past the guilt I already had.

"Why don't we let her decide that? Jasper..." Peter starts as he placed a hand on my shoulder and I knew in the empathetic tone that he used with me in rare moments, that I wouldn't like what he was about to say, "I know you're...hesitant to allow yourself in feeling more than just attraction or affection for Bella...since Alice but-"

"I'd suggest you keep what you're about to say to yourself." I said, each word growing colder and colder. I stood up and made for the door before looking over my shoulder, "We'll find Bella and talk to her but you're not to mention a word about Alice or any of it to her. Just...leave it." I hated how flat my words fell but I didn't care, I couldn't - wouldn't talk about this right now. Not about her.

Peter gave me a look that was unreadable, one that told me he was most likely regretting his words about reminding me of the worst day in my miserable life. But he grabbed his jacket that he had thrown over a chair in the corner of the room and walked out into the hallway, "Let's go."

A/N:

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I loved writing about Peter and Jasper together and showing a little more about how their relationship truly impact one another, how much they need each other. Bella's not the only one with secrets...

What do you guys think about Peter and Jasper's past? Any predictions?