Kain's fist hovered at Fealinn's door, then lowered back down.
"She's busy, we better come later, at dusk."
Kain and Ciri strolled away from her hut in a slow undecided pace.
"We can just go into the woods and practice something simple. Whatever you want."
"I don't know," Ciri admitted. "I don't know where to start. What would you suggest – as a basic skill?"
He thought about it a bit as they walked along the river. It babbled lively, glistening in the sun.
"When the druids were teaching me, they started with the world's power, its life force and magic flowing through the nature around. Rivers, trees, stones, soil, winds - everything there is. Once I could feel it, they taught me to connect with it.
"The sorcerers do that to gain magic for spells - they draw from elements. But unlike them, I draw power from nature to mix with mine, to make it stronger when necessary, like in the battle at Kaer Morhen."
Ciri frowned, looking at him. "You have Elder Blood. Is that not powerful enough?"
Kain frowned back with subtle annoyance. "I'm not a god. Nor have I ever thought about myself as Elder Blood."
"I never said you were – nor that I am. But if we are supposed to possess such amazing power, I wonder why it needs to be enhanced. Is that part of the prophecies, you think?" Avallac'h had never said how The Swallow would stop The White Frost. It was possible enhancements needed to be made.
"No one ever told me - nor probably knew - about it, and I've been trained like an average druid. That's why I do what I do."
Kain observed the blooming orchards they were passing through.
"You do possess a great power, Ciri, but do you really believe it's endless? Your body can only express so much, and when it's you against an army - you know what I mean, do you not?"
"I do," Ciri said. "I suppose that's why it's unlikely I will emerge from this White Frost thing alive."
Kain winced, "You're not going into any White Frost, Ciri. Geralt won't let you, and I'll back him up."
"That's not really either of your decision," Ciri said calmly. "I am not saying I will jump head-first into a portal with no more information from Avallac'h. But if he does provide it and a good plan on how to stop it, how can I not if there is the slightest chance I could save this world and every other?"
"And you will believe his plans? How does he even know what this thing is? I've seen it, felt it - it's a never ending blizzard with winds so cold you can die within minutes, Elder Blood or not. I don't see how any of those Aen Elle can know anything about how to stop a force of nature."
"They were the ones to prophesy it and it came true. They have been researching for centuries. If anyone knows, it would be them."
"If they knew anything for certain, they'd have dealt with it already. They haven't, even though there were Elder Blood among them. I find it odd that all the hope now is placed on you. More like, they want to throw you at this thing like a sacrificial goat and see if it changes anything."
"The earlier carriers of Elder Blood were not meant to stop it. The prophecy says those who follow The Swallow will survive." Ciri shrugged. "If there is a chance, and The Frost is coming either way, I might as well be used as a sacrifice. We'll all die anyway."
"We're not dead until we are, Ciri. There is no certainty in any prophecy or any future. There is now, and only now defines what happens."
"But sometimes we have to make choices now to affect the future," Ciri argued, then paused. "Well, not now. But when it happens. Should it happen. You know what I mean."
Kain sighed, stopping in his tracks, and turned to her. "I don't know what happens in the future, but I do know that if I live, you're not going to face any Frosts on your own. Because you don't have to."
That was oddly touching. Ciri did not want him to die, of course, but if she was truly the only one who could stop the Frost like the prophecy said and she failed, everyone would die as well.
She took his hand in hers and squeezed it, unable to really find the words she wanted to speak, and pulled him with her deeper into the forest.
They wandered around the forest for a while, enjoying the quiet of it compared to the city. The birds sang, the insects buzzed, the leaves shuffled and whispered in the wind above them, among the canopy.
Griffin found them and bounced around Kain happily. His beak still bore the reddish smears of his breakfast.
He sniffed Ciri suspiciously, then lost interest (probably having recognized her) and trotted to the side to hunt rabbits.
"So?" Ciri said once the griffin bounded away. "How do I connect with nature like you do? Through meditation?"
Kain shrugged his shoulders with a cunning smile and settled down beneath a tree.
"Has anyone ever tried to teach you traditional magic?"
"Yes. Yennefer did for the year I was with her. But… I don't remember much. Or rather, I am very out of practice. I have only used one spell since then. For a while I thought my magic had left me."
"From what I heard of how the mages learn, she might have tried to teach you how to locate the places where you can draw the force from. That, or she tried to teach you how to draw from elements. It depends on the elements, then, how hard or dangerous it can be.
"I don't ask you to draw anything from anywhere. I want you to close your eyes, focus within yourself, locate the power heart within you, its spirit, its flow, like the flame on a candle, and then reach out and seek for such heart in the nature around you. Listen for it, find where the flow is most prominent for your senses."
Ciri closed her eyes and tried to remember everything that Yennefer had taught her back in the day while incorporating what Kain was telling her.
It wasn't hard to sense her own power. It was always there. Always right on the surface. Waiting.
But Ciri hadn't tried to search for a place of power for a long time. It was sure to be more complicated.
Her brow furrowed ever so slightly as she reached out with one hand, as if that would help her locate the right direction. Hot and cold. Silence and vibration.
With her eyes still closed, she began to walk.
Kain watched with interest, leaning against the trunk, hands folded on his stomach.
She was doing quite well, and he wondered if it was her own talent or if Yennefer had built a good base whenever she had trained the girl. It didn't look like Ciri was doing it for the first time. She was definitely remembering her way with magic.
Ciri followed her instinct, or her magic, whatever it was leading her to a place of power. She didn't open her eyes until she reached it and upon opening them, Ciri noticed she was face to face with a tree. A slightly withered and sickly looking tree.
She turned to look at Kain over her shoulder, uncertain.
Kain met her gaze with a humorous glint in his eye. "What do you feel you've found there, princess?"
"A hotspot," Ciri said, one hand still hovering above said spot. "A vein that is easy to draw from."
"Great. Now, what kind of vein is that?" Kain gestured at the tree beside her.
Ciri hesitated, looking back at the tree. "What do you mean? The element?"
Kain smiled wider. "What do you think I mean? What does that look like to you? Unless you can't tell me what it feels like, that hotspot."
Ciri was uncertain again and feeling uncomfortable, like this was something she should have mastered long ago, only she was too dense to have been able.
She inhaled sneakily, testing her words. "I feel… the cold soil and the water, the worms and beetles slithering over roots, burrowing. I feel the vibration of animals stepping on the forest floor and the warmth of the sun on the trees tallest branches. I… I don't know what else."
Kain couldn't help it and burst out laughing. "If you were training for a poet, we'd be done here."
Ciri glared at him. "You asked me what it felt like. I answered. What more do you want?"
"I asked you about the force you've found - what it feels like. Not what the entire forest feels like to you. Don't describe it to me - tell me what that energy feels like."
"Cold," Ciri said after a few seconds of contemplation. "Like plunging my hand into icy water. But… without the pain."
"All right. Look at the tree. It clearly feeds on that force. Would you want to draw from it?"
"No," Ciri said immediately. "The tree is dying."
"Good. Very nice. Try to find a better spot."
Ciri closed her eyes again and refocused, still for a few moments before she felt the pull of something else.
She followed it and came to a large moss-covered rock.
"Better," she called to Kain. "It feels warm and… rejuvenating."
She looked at the small white flowers blooming from the green moss, taking a second to admire them.
"Good place to start, then," Kain said. "Reach out to it with your power, connect to it, make yourself familiar with it and let it share with you if you feel like it."
Ciri inhaled and closed her eyes again, nervous. She had not had good experiences with this as a child. But surely it was different now?
It wasn't. It still hurt. A dull ache at first that grew more and more intense the longer she connected with the power. She winced but forced herself not to make a sound. She was better at handling pain now, even when it scared her, even when it made her fingers tremble.
Something was clearly wrong. Kain couldn't quite understand what, but something was.
"What are you doing to get that pain? It's not supposed to happen."
"Yennefer said it was," Ciri breathed, trying not to lose her focus. "That I just have to overcome it. It was like this before as well."
Kain stood up and walked to her, gently taking her by an arm. "Stop it, stop. It's not right."
He stood behind her, his hand came to hover in front of her stomach, close but not touching, healing the pain. It wasn't serious, but it could have been if she had been practicing that all those years.
"Did she teach you that? It can only mean she was taught it. And that is probably how all sorceresses do it.
"Come here, sit down with me and relax, rest.
"Do you know what pain is, Ciri? When there is no wound, why does something hurt?"
Ciri sat, legs folded in front of her. "An indication something is wrong within the body?" she ventured. "Or… memories. Emotions."
"Most common reason is resistance. It creates a disbalance, and then pain. If you hurt and you concentrate on that pain and try to fight it, it hurts more because you're resisting.
"It hurts for sorceresses to draw from nature because they do it forcefully while it resists. They take something that doesn't belong to them.
"For no pain, there should be mutual acceptance, no resistance, connection, you see?
"This is why I ask you to find a way to connect to nature, because it is your body's creator. Your body is made from what this world is made of. You have that in common. This world bears you on its surface, feeds you and nurtures you. Once you accept that connection and find it within yourself - the love and gratitude and the mother-child relationship there has to be - then it will share its power abundantly and with no pain like it befits to a mother giving her love to a child.
"Do you understand?"
Ciri nodded. "In theory. How to make it all happen feels more difficult."
She let her hands rest at her sides, gently burying her fingers in the blades of grass beneath her.
Kain said: "If you want to get a response from someone or something - start within yourself.
"You want love from your world - offer yours first. Like you've met your mother. What would you feel for her? Offer it to your earth."
Ciri's mother. The first image to come to mind was that of Pavetta. Ciri was not even certain her memory of Pavetta was real or something fabricated by seeing paintings and sketches. And she wanted to feel love for her, she did… But she felt no connection. The most Ciri could feel for her was pity.
Then her image cleared and Yennefer sprang forth. There Ciri felt love in abundance. That warm kind of comfort that made her body relax, her heart flutter, and could easily bring tears of joy to her eyes.
She tried to let those emotions seep into the earth through her fingers, imagining the world to be Yennefer's soul.
Kain caught an image of Yennefer with ease - it wafted about Ciri like a perfume.
"You've met many people in your travels and before," he spoke in a soft tone to not yank her from her meditation, but rather to direct it. "And you have known a similar kind of love. But with each of those people you have built a love unlike the others.
"Try to connect with the world, with your Mother Nature without putting a face to it. It will have its own once you find that. Remember Freya's Garden. Freya was not the one I was trying to help. And Freya was not the only one who helped me after it.
"It is that Mother that you need to find your way to. She's all around you everywhere from day one of your life. Every tree, berry, animal, river - everything you have ever seen and touched upon this earth is Her. You must feel something. Just let Her know how you feel."
Yennefer's face faded upon hearing Kain's words and was replaced with what Ciri imagined the goddess Freya to look like: golden hair, bright blue eyes, fair skin… But even she faded as they moved on. The face became rounder, wrinkled but beautiful, the eyes brown like earth and skin in a sheen of green. It was not a face Ciri had seen before. But it was kind. Warm. With undertones of merciless rage if needed.
Ciri did not feel afraid. She felt comforted in Her presence. Safe. And Ciri tried to let her know. Tried to share with her those feelings, to make her experience the same as Ciri.
A slow, satisfied smile claimed Kain's lips: she was getting there.
Ciri remained in that state for quite some time before she cautiously started drawing from the power she felt, feeding some of her own back in an exchange. All around them the budded flowers of the forest opened their petals, extending towards the warming sunlight that shone down upon them.
Unlike the time in the Korath desert, this energy felt clean and safe, and, though intoxicating, Ciri was still in control of herself. There were no other voices in Ciri's head than her own.
Now there seemed to be nothing wrong with her exchange, and Kain enjoyed the view without interrupting. It was important for her to fully learn how it was supposed to happen.
Ciri ended it after a while, slowly opening her eyes to look at him as if for confirmation she had done alright.
Kain smiled subtly, "I guess it didn't hurt this time?"
Ciri shook her head no. "It was soothing."
"Means you've done it right. It's very good. Now you know how you could heal yourself when you need to and there are no temples or mages around. Because She is everywhere."
Ciri smiled, eyeing the newly bloomed flowers. "Yes, I imagine I could in a pinch. Thank you."
"I did nothing. You did all the work."
"You guided me. Stop making yourself seem so unimportant."
"I'm not making anything - I'm stating facts. You have done well with the instructions. You're a quick learner."
"Glad to see some things are still the same," Ciri smiled.
Kain leaned back against the tree, peering at her with a small smile. "You've earned a break for whatever else you want to do." He glanced up at the sky. "We have a few hours before dusk."
Ciri swallowed, hesitant and uncertain. "There are some scars," she said. "On my back. Will you help me heal them?"
"I can help with physical healing," Kain nodded. "But when it comes to scars, you have to know some things: the difficulty of healing them depends on how deep an impact they have made on your soul. Simply put, you can successfully heal a scar if you succeed in healing it in your mind and soul. You understand?"
"How can I do that when they are constant physical reminders?"
"Sometimes the emotional scar is so deep that removing the physical one doesn't heal the emotional one. And if you're unable to let go of that emotional pain, the physical reminder might come back."
Ciri was silent, watching her hands in her lap before she finally looked up at him again. "Can we try?"
"Of course," Kain got up onto his knees, sitting back on his haunches. "I merely warned you to try and let it go while you feel your body heal." He beckoned her with a wiggle of his fingers. "Come here. Sit down with your back to me."
Ciri shifted towards him and settled with her back to him, hands resting on the ground on either side of her. She was nervous, very much so, and it had nothing to do with Kain. "Do I need to remove my shirt?"
"It's up to you, but for me it's not necessary." Kain rubbed his palms, urging the magic flow. "Close your eyes and recall how you got those scars. I'm sure it's not hard to remember - the easiest part. When you do that, reach for Mother Nature, ask for her help and healing, and then imagine how the wounds that gave you the scars leave none this time. Remember the blows, but see how they leave no scars. And let those marks go."
He held his hands at her back, trying to sense the exact thing he had to heal.
"You ready?"
Ciri nodded. "Yes."
Was she really? Could she do what he asked?
Ciri closed her eyes and easily conjured up the familiar memories of Bonhart whipping her raw, over and over again. She remembered her back and buttocks wet with blood, numb, while simultaneously feeling as though every nerve was on fire.
She remembered the scent of Bonhart's sweat, the hungry gleam in his eyes whenever he managed to beat a cry out of her, and how he'd watch her after, while she was curled in on herself on the floor. Trembling. Naked. Vulnerable.
She hated him so much. And hated herself even more. For crying. For not being able to fight him off. For being at his mercy.
Ciri's fingers dug into the earth, her breathing shallow and erratic as if it was happening all over again.
"I'm failing," she whispered. "Let me try again."
While Kain's magic began to gather in his hands, something in Ciri was still resisting. Some unbidden images seeped into Kain's mind, flashing in front of his eyes.
Her admission explained it.
"It's in the past, Ciri," he murmured in almost a whisper. "It can't hurt you anymore."
"He's dead," Ciri told herself. "I killed him. I killed him."
Her eyes remained closed and she tried to start over again, imagining the lashes of the whip but this time pretending there was no pain. No marks left behind. Like his whip had been as soft and harmless as a string of yarn.
Kain closed his eyes, as well, to get a better focus for the both of them, and felt the power flow through his hands toward her. Reluctantly at first and stronger later.
Though he was not touching her, Ciri's back felt warm and pleasantly tingly. Something was happening. Something good, she hoped.
She continued the silent mantra, hoping it was enough to help Kain along.
At some point, Kain felt the healing had been done, and the flow got slower and more reluctant.
He gradually withdrew his hands and waited for her to come back from her trance on her own.
"Did it work?" Ciri breathed after a while, reaching behind her and beneath the hem of her shirt to feel the skin there.
Kain smirked to himself. "I don't see through things. You tell me."
She felt along her spine, up towards her shoulders and down towards her tailbone. The skin was smooth. No roughness or welts. He'd done it.
There were tears in Ciri's eyes and she blinked them away, trying to still her racing heart. It felt like a massive weight had just been lifted off her shoulders. It felt like she had finally beaten the son of a whore called Bonhart.
She stilled, her hand frozen on her back beneath the clothes.
Kain quietly got up to his feet and stepped from one to another, getting the blood flowing, giving her a moment as he strolled a few steps away.
Ciri smiled. She couldn't stop smiling. "I want to go swimming," she said, looking up at him before getting to her feet, twirling on the spot to navigate where the nearest body of water was.
Griffin trotted from the woods and stopped as Ciri went past him, his ears pricking curiously. He and Kain followed her; Kain was also curious – whether she would locate what she wanted quickly enough. After all, she now knew how.
It wasn't the mote around the city Ciri led them to but a small lake deeper among the trees and rocks.
A deer was drinking when they arrived, its neck bent. But the moment it sensed them coming it took off running. They were alone.
Ciri removed her boots, bare feet pressing down on the forest ground as she shed her coat as well.
Griffin stared after the escaping deer with interest, but didn't chase. He'd had his meal, and now merely approached the lake to drink.
Kain stopped at the water, toeing off his boots and unbuckling the belts on his jerkin.
Ciri undressed entirely, for the first time in years unmindful of her own nudity. She did not linger on shore, instead making her way out into the shallow water, seeking the deeper parts where she could be submerged entirely.
It was still chilly, but not nearly as bad as it had been on Skellige. Ciri swam, turned to check on Kain's progress and immediately averted her gaze again, attempting to give him whatever privacy she could offer in this situation.
Kain discarded his clothes in a pile on the grass and went into the water. It bit his skin with cold, immediately seeping the chill into his bones. He dipped his hands into the water as he went deeper, concentrating for a moment to regain control of his inner power and pour some heat into the water around him. Soon enough his muscles began to relax the warmer the lake was getting against his skin. He dipped quickly, surfaced and brushed the water out of his eyes, and swam languidly, casting a glance at Ciri.
Ciri smiled at him, though she was not sure he could see, the lower part of her face concealed by water as she swam a large circle around him.
"Griffin doesn't share your affinity for water?" she called after a while, eyeing the beast on the shore where he was watching them.
"He's not fond of water in his wings, but he still splashes around at times - keeping the wings open high."
Ciri swam closer to Kain, smiling impishly. "Do you think he likes me?"
Kain threw a glance Griffin's way. "He knows you. Recognizes you. As for liking, I guess he's undecided."
"Hm, I suppose that will have to suffice for now. Perhaps he is wary of my intentions."
"He feels you don't intend to harm him or me, but his acceptance of your presence means neutrality. Animals like you for things you do for them or because of how they feel in your presence."
"I'll take it," Ciri said. She'd once read in one of Triss' romance novels that the young dapper man who had pursued his beautiful lady, needed to gain the approval of her family and friends in order to strengthen their relationship. She wasn't sure the Griffin could ever give his blessing, but the fact he wasn't trying to scratch her eyes out seemed like acceptance enough for now.
Kain smiled, "He might decide to like you yet."
"I hope so. I'd like to be in your life, and thereby his, for quite some time to come."
Was that one of the things she said that scared him? But how could he not consider that himself now he knew he had a brother?
It amused Kain. "Looking to live in caves and forests?"
"If that's where you take me, I suppose so." Ciri said, dipping under the surface of the water and emerging a few meters up ahead, sweeping her hair from her face.
Kain let out a humorous hem and swam for the shore.
Ciri stayed in a bit longer, swimming one more small round before joining him on shore.
Kain collected some firewood and made a small campfire while she was getting dressed. Griffin immediately settled down next to it and began to clean his feathers.
Ciri dressed and lay down on one of the flat rocks beside his campfire, letting the sun and the flames warm and dry her off. "How many days should we give it before we start to worry about Geralt and Yennefer?"
Kain sighed. "We can start worrying as soon as they arrive to the palace."
"We won't know," she said, examining her lifeline and remembering how it had bled when Geralt died years and years ago. "We won't know if they've even made it to the palace."
Kain looked up at the sky. "They'll be there after sunset."
"How can you be so sure?"
"I know where the palace is. A day's ride from here."
"I am not talking about time," Ciri said, glancing over at him. "We do not know what Emhyr has planned. There could be an ambush on the way." She would not be surprised.
Kain winced in doubt. "Ambush is for Scoia'tael and bandits, but he's a ruler. He summoned them to have them in his control, under his roof and rules."
"He's a trickster and liar." Ciri rolled over onto her stomach and propped herself up on her elbows. "Nothing about him can be trusted."
Kain chuckled softly, "Are you talking about the Emperor or Avallac'h?"
"The Emperor. Why? You think Avallac'h wishes them harm as well?"
"No one knows what Avallac'h wishes. Aside from controlling you."
"Well, in this instance, he is not the controlling man I worry about."
"Stop worrying until you know," Kain advised. "No use worrying over suspicions."
Ciri sighed and groaned. "They're more than suspicions. Last time I met Emhyr, he somehow managed to convince both Geralt and Yennefer to commit suicide. I'd be a fool not to worry."
Kain frowned, simultaneously confused and disbelieving. "How did he manage to do that?"
"I don't know. He and Geralt went off to talk privately and when they returned, I was told I was to go with the Emperor, while Yennefer and Geralt would slit their wrists in a bath.
"And they were going to. But Emhyr changed his mind and let me go. So I returned to them."
Kain stared at her, utterly perplexed. "Sounds crazy. You were told that they would kill themselves? For what?"
"I was not told anything. Other than that I would never see them again. But it was not hard to put two and two together when I returned and found them in the bath calling out to be given razors from Emhyr's men." Ciri shrugged. "We were all fairly beaten up at that time. Emhyr had come upon us right after a battle with mages and bounty hunters. And he had an army at his disposal. I doubt we would have been able to even make a dent in them at that point. Perhaps suicide seemed the more pleasant option. At least then Geralt and Yennefer got to say goodbye.
"They knew Emhyr's true identity. He would not have let them live were I to go with him."
Kain thought about it, watching the fire grimly. "Why did he change his mind?"
Ciri shrugged again. "I don't know. Fifteen minutes after we set off, he simply embraced me and told me goodbye. Let me go. Maybe he just could not stand me crying. I've been told men do not like it."
Kain shrugged languidly. "Maybe he simply remembered that he was your father. If that is so, there's still hope for him."
Ciri's smile was cynical. "I doubt he ever forgot. Even when he declared he was going to marry me."
"One thing is to declare things," Kain mused, "and another one is meaning it while looking into your eyes while you cry."
"Perhaps. Doesn't mean I forgive him. Doesn't mean it is forgotten."
"It doesn't need to be forgotten. But forgiveness is not for him alone, as you think. Forgiving is for you, as well. To free you from that pain, from the scar you still nurture."
"I don't know how to do that. I'm not sure I am kind enough."
Kain leaned back onto his elbows, watching the fire. "It's not really about kindness as much. Imagine what this grudge is - he is keeping your prisoner with the things he's done to you. And when you choose to forgive, you cut that tie. You free yourself. You let it go, and he has no emotional power over you, anymore."
"You make it sound so easy…"
Kain shook his head once. "Maybe it depends on the motivation. If you want to be free of it, you will find a way to make it happen."
"Has there ever been anyone you had to forgive?"
"Instructors at the school, felines, dryads, even my mother who made us be apart. There's always someone to forgive. Not as much when you're alone in the woods, though."
"And you managed to forgive them all? Just like that?"
"I understand where they are coming from, and understanding allows me to let it go. I don't like to judge other people's choices. I have my own to worry about."
"Well, I don't understand. I don't understand those who are needlessly cruel."
Ciri slipped off the rock she'd been inhabiting and came closer to the fire.
"Everybody has their reasons," Kain said. "Even if you don't understand Emhyr, his reasons make sense to him. Your reasons make sense to you while they might puzzle someone else."
"I think I am too angry to forgive. I have been told I am a very angry person. Too angry."
She held her hands over the fire to warmth them.
"And I know why he did what he did. But it justifies nothing." She was silent a moment. "Should we train some more? Try something else?"
Kain could understand where anger was rooted, but it wasn't something she could resolve within minutes. Not even if she wanted to.
He addressed her question. "We can do whatever you want. There's still an hour or two before the sun sets."
"When in training with Yennefer, she forbade me from drawing power from fire. She said it was dangerous. Have you any experience with it?"
"I haven't drawn from anything but the nature - however, it contains all elements. So you could say I've drawn from all of them at once.
"Fire is whimsical and can be dangerous, so she was right to warn you."
Ciri nodded. "I only tried it once. I am unlikely to do so again."
"An unfortunate attempt?"
"I succeeded in what I set out to do - healing that unicorn foal. But the power was… intoxicating. And not in the good way. It made me arrogant and cocky, and there were tempting voices and horrible visions in my head. Visions of what I could do should I choose to. Death and destruction."
Kain nodded shrewdly, "There are different kinds of magic, and there is always a choice. Mages like Yennefer and the Lodge mostly use the dark kinds. What I've been taught is the white kind. In both ways, there is a price. For dark magic it's possible self-harm, corruption, temptations and addiction to power when they want more and more. For white it's the harm that comes for using any dark magic and drawing from any dark sources, repercussions from any wrong use of power."
"Do you use dark magic? Have you recently?"
"I don't use it. Given my life up to this point, I didn't have to."
"How can you tell the difference between the two?" Ciri asked, curious. "Is white magic always healing?"
"With white magic you work through love and gratitude while serving as a conduit. Black mages work through their selfish desires and aiming to be a source, so they constantly search for ways to become more powerful.
"In simpler terms, a white mage is a part of whole, a conduit to power he requests for certain purposes - healing or defense. A black magician wants to be a standalone source, as powerful as can be, getting more and more addicted to power."
Ciri swallowed, brow furrowed in slight concern. "And if the power comes from within? Like with us? Does it make us selfish?"
"Your body is made by the elements of this world, and its ability to generate power is not something you have earned. It is due to how your genes have been combined. So what is there to be selfish about? How you use the power given to you defines you - because it's the only thing you can actually influence and be selfish about."
That made sense and made Ciri feel more at ease. She was aware her questions sounded like those of a child, but Kain was the only mage other than Yennefer, and the reluctant Avallac'h, that she had been able to have such conversations with, and she wanted to know his view on it all. "You said sorceresses often work with dark magic. Do you think that makes Yennefer a bad person?"
Kain smiled a little, amused. "I don't think I have ever encountered a person thoroughly bad or good. Extremes are rare or nonexistent in nature when it comes to character. No one is fully good or bad, white or black, it's more of shades of grey.
"Yennefer is a mix, like anyone else. Like you and me. She is capable of good and bad deeds and her choices define her."
It was strange to consider Yennefer anything other than good. Her presence always filled Ciri with warmth and comfort. But Ciri doubted it was like that for everyone.
"When I was younger I wanted to be exactly like her. So beautiful and powerful she could silence a whole room just by entering."
"It's a great quality for a queen. For a sorcerer – only until a certain moment when the tables turn and magic is outlawed again. Then she's a target and everyone knows her as soon as she passes by on the street.
"I've been as recognizable as a witcher, but I never enjoyed attention. I prefer to be invisible - so I see and hear more."
"I don't think she enjoys it either," Ciri admitted. "She has a lot of sadness in her. She just refuses to let anyone see. Even me."
"She made her choice in becoming a mage," Kain reasoned. "She chose her image and how she would be perceived. In some instances, or places, it's better to be known and feared, in others it's best to stay hidden. It all depends on choice. There are sorceresses anyone has barely seen, like my mother, and there are those like the Lodge - every face known by many."
"Yennefer was never truly treated as a member of The Lodge, I think. I'm not sure if that is a good or bad thing."
"The Lodge is not the only group of known faces. A mage can be known on his or her own. And then it's even more dangerous because the said mage is alone with no one to offer protection or aid."
"Well, she has me and Geralt now," Ciri said. "If he regains his memory of her at least."
"How come he lost it?"
"Years and years back, before they met me, Geralt and Yennefer fought a djinn. Somehow Geralt made a wish that protected them both from said djinn and bound their fates together.
"When we were last in Skellige, it turns out Geralt and Yennefer tracked down another djinn to have that wish broken. Yennefer wanted to know whether their feelings for one another were real or just forced because of that first djinn. They managed, I believed, but Geralt lost his memory of her in the process."
Kain curved his lips in a sad smile. "Djinns are instruments of chaos, their magic is unpredictable like they are, and making wishes is a very dangerous business - they can turn out completely different from what a person wished.
"This unfortunate turn is not surprising. If Yennefer was the one to make that last wish, this side effect has to be a price, like a punishment for using such magic."
"Do you think it can be broken? Or is all of Geralt's memories of us as a family lost?"
"There is no way of knowing that," Kain looked at her sympathetically. "I would guess it's down to what she wished for, exactly. If that love was real, it would come through, and if not - it wouldn't."
"I suppose I will just have to continue to be hopeful. Be a shame to finally get my family back only to realize it is broken."
Kain stared into the fire pensively. "It only means it was broken to begin with - because Yennefer didn't trust what she had. It drove her to risk it all, throw the dice for all or nothing. Love is a gift, and any disregard for gifts has a price."
"Everything has been broken for a while," Ciri commented, trailing a finger along the ground, idly drawing in the dirt. "It's a childish dream to want your parents together. But I cannot help it."
"It's hard to love someone who's not ready to love," Kain murmured wistfully.
Ciri glanced over, feeling he was assessing himself more than her at this point. "We'll see."
"Has she told you why she doubted his feelings? What drove her to make that second wish?"
"I don't think she doubted his feelings; I think she doubted her own.'
"She wasn't ready to love and thus sought a way out - a justified way out. And then she got it, but not in the way she liked. It's a harsh justice."
"Yes. I am just grateful he did not forget me as well. Not sure I would be able to handle it."
"You're his Surprise Child, he couldn't forget you."
"He forgot the love of his life," Ciri pointed out, getting to her feet. "Shall we go see Fealinn?"
Kain looked at the sky; it was showing more pink and orange the lower the sun was getting.
"If we don't move too fast, we might get there in time."
"Let's put out the fire then," Ciri said, eyeing him curiously. "Can you do it by magic?"
Kain raised a hand and a sphere of water floated up above the lake surface and toward the campfire. It flopped down on it and dowsed the flame.
"Unnecessary," he smirked, "but since you wanted to know."
"Impressive," Ciri grinned, shaking her damp hair free from her shirt-collar and starting back the way they'd come.
Kain pulled on his hood and went after her, picking his way between the trees.
"Have you and Fealinn ever been, you know, together?"
Kain cast a gander at Ciri, mildly amused by the question.
"No. Not for the lack of temptation, rather because we never had time or chance. We never spent time together in Brokilon, and outside of it we met sometimes by chance when our missions crossed. Both pretending to be strangers."
Ciri nodded. "Will you now that there might be time?"
"I don't plan such things."
"Oh." The better question would have been Do you want to? But it felt too bold. Too demanding.
She couldn't quite forget Yennefer's words about how he might fancy another. Fealinn, more specifically. And Ciri did not know how to compete with such a sensual, beautiful creature. Or even if she should compete if Yennefer was right. It seemed selfish to do so.
She walked in silence, deep in thought.
"It's not what you wanted to ask, I assume," Kain said after a bit.
"I ask what I shouldn't. It's none of my business."
"If it's anything that would worry your thoughts later on, better ask and be done with it."
"Even if it is entirely obnoxious and will most likely make you either uncomfortable or angry? Possibly both?"
Kain gave her a doubtful look. "Angry? Is it that bad? I'm intrigued."
"Do you want her? Fealinn?"
Kain took a moment to give it a short thought.
"Physically, I should admit to certain moments when I wouldn't mind that development. Even emotionally, she presents certain comfort because she knows me well, and I know her, there is the needed familiarity and friendship in place.
"But I know our paths are too different. We wouldn't stay together. And that lessens the meaning and sense of the act."
"She is beautiful," Ciri admitted. "And undoubtedly skilled if she can bring pleasure without even touching a man where he wants to be touched. And she seems to understand you. It would not be strange if the two of you found one another."
"She is my friend," Kain said. "We don't have to be intimately close to bring comfort to one another."
"I know. It is just… with perfect women like her, like the sorceresses, what chance do the rest of us have?" Ciri nudged his shoulder with hers to let him know she was jesting. A little.
Smiling, Kain observed her with interest. "What do you deem as perfection that makes a woman such? Magic? Glamour spells?"
Ciri shrugged. "They always know what to say, what to do. I never know."
"But you do find things to say and do. So why do you belittle yourself so?"
"Do I?" Ciri laughed a little. "Not the things a man wants to hear, surely? If Yennefer was here now, she would be cringing."
"What do you imagine a man wants to hear?"
"I don't know. Something enticing?"
Kain restrained a smile, looking totally serious. "Like what?"
"If I knew that, I would be one of the enticing ones," she laughed.
"You probably have at least some ideas, otherwise you wouldn't have stated that other people do it better than you. For... how would you know, then? Right?"
"Mostly from watching Triss. She's not exactly subtle."
Ciri paused and placed a hand on his arm, smiling coyly and pressing her breast against him in a playful imitation of Triss.
"Oh, Geralt! You are my hero!"
Kain laughed. "That's way too obvious to be enticing. However, for some men it works like a charm. Those you usually locate in taverns, tipsy and ready to be a hero in someone's eyes."
"I haven't been able to learn from anyone else. Yennefer and Geralt never courted in front of me. Also, I think their kind of enticement is… different. They fight a lot."
"If they fight, it's no courting. It's fighting."
"They fight and fuck, then repeat it all over again. They think I don't notice, but I have. Of course, it could have changed since I was away."
Kain reflected on it a moment, then shook his head. "I don't imagine love like that. What you describe is a circle of lust based on emotions."
"Perhaps. I would not know. I have never been in love before."
"Before..?"
"I… I mean I have not been in love. I have felt lust. And intrigue. Maybe even infatuation. Not sure I have known love."
"It's good that you can tell," Kain remarked, eyeing the orchards ahead blooming beneath the darkening sky.
"What do you mean?"
"Tell the difference between all those variations. Infatuation and lust and love."
"I suppose that is an advantage. Might keep me from getting hurt in the long run."
Kain looked up at the apple tree they walked under and flicked his wrist, knocking an apple, then another from the top of the canopy, and caught them in his hands. He offered one to Ciri and bit into the other. It was firm and juicy, not overly ripe, just as he liked them.
"Thank you, Archer," Ciri grinned, biting into her own apple as they walked. "So many tricks up your sleeve."
"Still the same you saw many times."
"Doesn't get old. One day I will be able to do the same."
You can do it right now. You just do not."
"We need the chains," she reminded him. "Just in case."
"I think you put too much confidence into the Hunt's abilities of tracking you. Even if they know where you could be, they're not all that quick to travel. Not in big packs. And we can deal with small ones. One after another. Until it makes such a dent in his forces that his people - those Aen Elle he presumably rules - notice it and put a stop to his dismissal of their lives over one impure-blood girl."
Ciri winced. "Impure-blood girl? Ouch."
"It's what Aen Elle see you as - a dirty blood, a human. Same as me. We are unworthy of a second glance in their eyes."
"Yes, they told me as much when I was with them. Reminded me often. Even as they ordered me to give them a child."
"If so, we have a good chance of them realizing that their own lives are more precious than trying to come after us."
Kain raised his hand to knock, but Fealinn opened the door and smiled at them.
"I'm aware you had to wait," she said, stepping aside to let them in. "I apologize."
"Fealinn," Ciri said with a smile, throwing the apple core away. A neighboring goat quickly ran to claim it. "You have nothing to apologize for. We came unannounced."
"Oh, but you were... um, your presence was clear enough for me to sense," she said, closing the door behind them and turning to face them, looking from one to another. "What brings you? Ciri would like another massage?"
"No. Not that it wasn't excellent," Ciri hurried to say, shooting a glance at Kain. "But we are here for a different reason. We need dimeritium cuffs. Do you know of anyone who would be able to provide any?"
"Not specifically cuffs, though," Kain corrected. "An amulet or a ring or a bracelet would do. Better two bracelets."
Fealinn frowned in mild confusion. "Why?"
"We want to try and mask her power while she trains," Kain said. "Because of the Hunt."
"Oh." She looked at Ciri thoughtfully. "Strange idea, but maybe... Who knows, it might even work, given your power.
"Well, I do not have it, but I do know where to ask. If you would come back, say, tomorrow night, I will tell you the answer."
Ciri tilted her head, curious. "You know, but will not tell us until tomorrow?"
"I should find out whether the person I have in mind has any," Fealinn said. "Dimeritium is mostly being bought by Nilfgaard. And now by Eternal Fire cult right here in Novigrad. Though their slice of that pie is significantly smaller."
"We understand," Kain said. "Thank you."
"Thank me when I have an actual information," she responded. "Can I get you some cider and a chicken pie? One of my clients brought it today - my sessions helped with her spine. She baked me a huge chicken pie. Will you have a supper with me?"
Ciri looked to Kain to gauge his reaction before smiling. "I'd love to. Thank you. Dandelion will have a heart attack, but he will have to manage. What can I do to help?"
"Just come to the table," Fealinn smiled leading the way. "It's all ready, I merely pour the cider - or make some herbal tea - and cut the pie."
Kain took off the sword belt and they sat at her table while she fetched mugs and a knife for the pie.
"Why is Nilfgaard buying dimeritium?" Ciri asked. "The Emperor favours mages and elves."
"He likes control," Fealinn said, setting the mugs with cider in front of them. "Right now mages are hunted and dimeritium is in high demand."
"If they return in his favor, he'll already have the dimeritium for any future moment he might need it," Kain added and took a sip of cider.
"No redeeming qualities whatsoever," Ciri murmured, finding herself to be truly disappointed, realizing in the depth of her heart she wished Emhyr to be a better man.
"There are, of course, mages that give us all a bad name," Fealinn remarked placing the plates with the pie slices on the table. "All this witch hunt didn't come from nowhere."
"People will always be wary about something they don't fully understand, be it mages or non-humans," Kain added.
Ciri took a sip of her cider. "Let us hope the next generation of sovereigns will be better."
"It's not all so bright with the heirs now, I'm afraid," Fealinn said. "While the wars are raging, people die alongside their rulers, and for now all that seems to persevere the longest are the Black Ones."
"Things change," Kain said. "That can change, too."
"If only Emhyr had a worthy heir, it might change," Fealinn said. "But he doesn't seem to be going anywhere for now."
"That would be grand," Ciri said. "Or maybe he will be murdered. Like his father."
"Life will put everything in place," Fealinn said and smiled sitting down at the table. "What have you been up to today?"
"Kain taught me how to draw power from nature and then we went swimming," Ciri said, pushing the pie towards Kain so he could help himself to a piece first.
"Drawing from nature?" she smiled. "Wonderful skill. I assume you're making progress."
"She's a quick learner," Kain confirmed, and took a bite out of his slice.
"I had no doubts," Fealinn said, eyeing Ciri with approval. "Do you like it?"
"Magic?" Ciri asked, helping herself to a slice of pie as well before nudging the plate towards Fealinn. "I do. When there's no pain and anger."
"When do they appear?" Fealinn asked.
"When I do it wrong or lose my temper. The latter makes it near impossible to control," Ciri replied.
"Why would you lose your temper? What would make you lose it?"
"Injustice. My loved ones in danger. My loved ones dying."
"Yes, that's an understandable reaction," the elf nodded. "However, it could be harmful to a mage and his or her abilities. Magic is very responsive when strong emotions are involved. And it could lash out in unpredictable ways. Ways you might not want it to go. It would help plenty if you work on your control. Magic is just a force, a chaos, if you like. Your task is to bring control and direction. That is what a magician does."
"And there I am not a quick study, I am afraid. I have always had a quick temper, always struggled to control it," Ciri admitted.
"Best way to start is from a meditation," Fealinn suggested. "Do you meditate?"
"I do. Too often for my liking," Ciri smirked in jest, taking a piece of her pie.
"And how do you do it?" Fealinn asked, looking curious.
"Usually seated in the forest somewhere. Though lately it has mostly been atop a bed or on the floor. Avallac'h used to guide me, to direct my thoughts towards peace and forgiveness, to accept what cannot be changed. But we have not spent much time together lately." Ciri shrugged.
"It's a nice place to start - some peaceful scenery that makes you feel at ease. Can you imagine something very beautiful? Maybe a waterfall or a lake or even a seashore. Or it could be a forest clearing or a field full of flowers. There you could start practicing peace.
"Whenever you feel your emotions stirring, you can connect to that place from your meditation - to that special place inside you that is at peace. It would create a habit of finding calm when you need it.
"As any habit, it needs a lot of practice to get rooted well."
"I can try. I once visited a world that was very cold, but very beautiful. Closer to the stars. In the darkness it sparkled and shone like a million diamonds. Quiet, but so busy at the same time."
Fealinn smiled. "Whatever place you choose, be it real or imagined, save it in your heart and remember how to get there when you need your calm."
Ciri smiled, grateful for her input. "I will certainly try. Thank you, Fealinn."
Kain listened half-heartedly to their discussion while he finished his meal, looking at the window. It was already dark outside. He wondered how things were in Vizima; it didn't feel so good.
While he contemplated that intuitive wariness, he barely noticed his medallion vibrating lightly against his chest.
Kain frowned, covering the place where it was beneath his jerkin with his hand.
Fealinn's smile dimmed, "What?"
"I don't know," Kain murmured. "It senses magic."
Ciri immediately looked around them, but of course, from what she could see they were alone.
"Do you sense magic?"
"This house is protected by magic," Kain said, "so yes, it's everywhere in here."
"It's true," Fealinn added. "I have protective magic here, it makes this place safe."
"What the Cat is sensing lies beyond here," Kain said.
Ciri got to her feet and went to the nearest window overlooking the garden and the other houses beyond, trying to glean something, anything, in the dark.
"The Hunt?" she asked, swallowing. "Could they have sensed us?"
Kain stood up. "I'll look around, and you stay here. I'll be back soon."
"Don't be stupid," Ciri said. "You're not going alone, Kain."
Fealinn touched a hand to Ciri's shoulder, "He's right, they're looking for you. And he can go unnoticed, while you can't do it yet. He'll be fine on his own. Stay here, this house is shielded."
Ciri's heart clenched painfully at the thought of letting him go, but she let Fealinn still her. For now.
"I'll be all right, I promise," Kain said adjusting his sword belt, then pulled the hood on and left.
The village was quiet and dark, as if people left it years ago. The city, however, rang with distant screams and there were orange glow of fires visible around the roofs.
The gates were abandoned, and people behind them were puzzled and panicking like a herd of sheep without a shepherd. Kain backed away and trotted along the wall, letting his senses guide him. When the Cat medallion's vibration intensified, he took a moment to focus his power and clear his mind of thoughts, then leapt up the wall like a cat climbing the tree fleeing from a stray dog. The orange glow was concentrated in the center, around the market place. He heard screams and clanging of swords. The closer he got, staying on the roofs, the colder it got.
The Hunt was truly here.
"Sit down, Ciri. Try to relax," Fealinn suggested, watching her pace back and forth in front of the door with fists clenched in anxious fists.
"No. I can't stand this."
"He knows what he's doing."
"Even the most skilled and powerful can fall. I witnessed it mere weeks ago," Ciri argued, her mind wandering to Vesemir. She would not find any semblance of peace until Kain returned.