In her room, Ciri removed her sword and shrugged out of her jerkin, releasing her hair from its ties. The tension had added a slight discomfort to her scalp and she wanted to relieve herself of it.
What she really wanted was a bath. A warm bath that could rinse the day away and drown unpleasant thoughts. But she'd need Dandelion, Priscilla, or Zoltan for that and she did not feel like going on a quest to find any of them.
So she moved over to the window instead, climbing out to perch on the roof like she had a few nights earlier, basking in the sun as though she had no concerns while they were secretly eating her up inside.
Ciri's room was empty when Geralt entered, and only the open window somewhat cleared the Witcher's confusion. He peeked out and looked at the street, then up at the rim of the roof.
"Ciri?"
She turned her head and met his gaze. "Yes?"
He faked a reprimanding scowl. "You know I'm too old for all this climbing."
"Really?" She smiled impishly. "Those joints starting to hurt?"
He made a face, "Gods forbid. What happened at the palace?"
Ciri's smile faltered a little and she shrugged. "What I expected to happen. Only with less violence. He and Philippa sound very alike, speaking of blood and destiny and duty. Though I suspect they both have different motives."
He didn't bother climbing after her and merely settled on the windowsill.
"Of course their motives won't be the same. But in some way, they might not be wrong. Not completely. What Philippa says about your wish to be a witcher… It does worry me. You are human, and it's immensely more dangerous for you than for someone bred for it. However, Kain managed to adapt. If you both are Elder Blood…" He shrugged, looking over the reddish roofs of the city.
"My reluctance to be Empress has nothing to do with my wish to work as a Witcher. I simply do not want to. I am not suited for it. I should not be allowed to have such power over people's lives. It is unhealthy and I am certain it would turn me into someone I would not like. And I would be trapped – again. Bound by duty. Is it so selfish of me to want something more? To travel? To see all these other worlds I have access to?"
"It just so happened that you do have a certain power over people's lives, Ciri," Geralt said wistfully. "Be it your royal bloodline or magical one that allows you to vaporize those you deem enemies. And even though you wish for freedom, there is hardly a way to achieve it, for no one will ever stop chasing you for this reason or that."
"So I should just give in?" she asked, brow furrowed in concern. "Condemn myself to absolute misery?"
"I don't know," he confessed. "It's useless to ask me about it, for I never had another choice other than to give in to what was made of me. I cannot tell anyone what to do with their lives and whether they have a choice or not. Sometimes it only seems that we do."
"I have a choice. No one can keep me here against my will," Ciri said, resting her chin on her knee, eyeing the city below. "I simply need to figure out if the guilt of it would do me in or not."
"I do hope you have a choice," Geralt murmured, a line still deep between his eyebrows as he observed the city and the sky above it. "I hope it is a choice and not an illusion of such... I trust you'll choose the right thing, Ciri. I have to trust it."
Quietly, he slipped off the windowsill and headed for the door.
She watched him leave for as long as she was able before she turned back to the view again, brow still furrowed. No matter his words, Ciri could not help but feel she was letting Geralt down.
Perplexed, Geralt slowly descended the stairs and found their table already set up with the hot meals.
Kain sent him an inquiring look, Geralt gave an imperceptible shrug.
"We don't want her to be unhappy," Triss said when Geralt sat at the table. "We merely want her to be happy. And being happy while hunted and chased is impossible."
"You know Emhyr, Geralt," Margarita added, forking her fried eggs with bacon and onions. "He won't rest until he gets what he wants. Think of how it would influence her life and the freedom she craves. There will be no peaceful moment."
"We have the Wild Hunt attacking Novigrad in three days," Kain pointed out between the forkfuls. "That is the problem right now."
"Finally, some sense and reason," Yennefer added from where she'd been mulling things over, pushing her food around the plate. "Do we have any plans in place?"
"Our plans included Fringilla," Philippa said, sipping wine. "We cannot do much just the four of us. We need five - it's a more powerful magical setting."
"What do you suggest we do?" Geralt inquired. "Sell Ciri for what she doesn't want to do? She won't do it - as simple as that. None of you, four or five, can make her do what she doesn't want to do."
"She has to listen to voices of reason while she still can," Philippa said. "Because while crying on the ruins of the city over your dead body or her own life seeping out of her, it will be too late to replay the game."
"We can make it without Fringilla," the Witcher insisted. "We'll bring Avallac'h if we have to."
"Or you could talk to your ward and negotiate with the Emperor," suggested Margarita, smiling a bit seductively. "You do have a talent for being heard, Geralt. You have to give it a try."
"No," Yennefer interjected sharply. "We will not choke Ciri on any more talk of responsibly and prophecy. She's had more than enough for today. She got you one part of what you wanted, it's time you help us come up with an alternate solution."
Yennefer speared Margarita with a withering glare.
"What about Mousesack?
"He's in Skellige, where he belongs," Kain said. "I don't suppose we can drag everyone we had at the keep to die here. We will have to do with what we have."
"We have a ploughing nothing," Philippa said. "Three battered sorceresses, one traitorous enchantress from Vengerberg, a young druid witcher rumored to be of Elder Blood, another whimsical Elder Blood girl and the famous Witcher of Rivia."
"And the infamous Redanian Spy with whatever he wishes to help with," Margarita added.
Geralt smiled nastily at them, "And it's somehow not enough?"
Philippa responded with a cold glower. "It will be if you lose the Lodge. We want to free Fringilla. I get Yennefer's reservation based on selfishness, scorned pride and jealousy, but you, Witcher, of all people! Have all the feelings passed without a trace?"
"I don't suppose we'd have to if we had a choice," Yennefer said, directing a glance at Kain. "But the Lodge are trying to make us believe that Fringilla is the end all and that Ciri needs to sacrifice herself for them. As they've always wanted."
Philippa didn't even bother to look at her, Margarita had the audacity to look slightly affronted and Triss deceptively guilty.
"That isn't true. I understand their need to get her out but presently, it is not going to happen. What we do know is that he won't kill her, especially now that he knows Ciri has some interest in her and he can use her to bargain."
"And yet you are willing to leave her there to rot!" Philippa stated. "Nice for you to be at such ease with other people's lives when your own ass has been saved from those stinking dungeons. Perhaps it's such a silly inconvenience in your eyes that you're willing to trade your own life for hers? Just to show us that it's no hard work to be stuck in Emhyr's cells."
"That won't be necessary," Kain said. "I can return for her."
"There will be more mages guarding her now that he knows we need her," Geralt said. "I can't let you do it."
Kain shrugged. "I'll go if I have to. And I'll probably come out of it all right."
Philippa smiled in that slow, charming manner Geralt recalled from the banquet before the Chamber's fall. She'd had her eyes and looked dashing.
"Now that is dedication I do appreciate," she nearly purred. "I love your druid affection for all life that needs saving. Shame Vilgefortz had been wired in a completely opposite manner. Such power wasted. Yours, however, is very promising."
"Cut it," Geralt sneered disdainfully. "He's a witcher. He won't be your next Vilgefortz."
"That is not for you to decide, Witcher," Philippa said, her blindfolded eyes still seemingly scrutinizing Kain. "I merely recognize the talents I see."
"It used to be our duty to recognize talents," Margarita said.
"I can try to talk to Emhyr," Geralt said. "It's all I can do."
"He will demand the same," Triss said. "Your reasoning shall change nothing."
"I can still try."
"No," Yennefer added again, this time more heatedly. "He doesn't care for reason. Emhyr wants what he wants. He'll just lock you up again, Geralt, and we need you here. Ciri needs you with her."
And so did Yennefer.
"He won't lock me up again," Geralt reasoned. "There is no use."
"He's not alone," Kain added. "We'll do what we have to do. But what we have to do needs pondering."
"Which we'll take our time with, if everyone else will lay off a little," the Witcher said and made a point of finishing his meal in peace.
"Take your time, Witcher," Margarita smirked. "But there is hardly any to waste. Don't forget it."
The two sorceresses finished their wine and left. Triss barely glanced after them, focused on her cup and gloomy contemplation.
"There wasn't any use the first time," Yennefer stated, unwilling to drop it although The Lodge had finally lost a little wind in their sails.
She watched them head upstairs, her gaze shifting to Triss for a moment.
"There's no safe way to get her. None. Emhyr is not going to care to negotiate with you and if he does, it's going to come at a price you don't want to pay. You and I both know that. We've the pardons, we use them to move around freely and once we'd disposed of The Wild Hunt we can help them free her."
"We understand your opinion, Yennefer," Geralt said. "We shall figure out what to do when we can."
"And in the meantime?"
The Witcher gave her a meaningful look raising his fork, "I'm eating."
"Hm."
Yennefer glanced down at her plate, picking apart the meat, lazily stuffing it into her mouth, one piece at a time.
"What did he demand for his pardons?" asked Geralt after a while, and looked to Yennefer. "I assume they weren't a gift."
"She had to promise to go back to him after the battle to talk. Face to face. Alone."
The Witcher stiffened at the news and peered at Yennefer with either concern or outright stupefaction. "What for? She told me she wanted freedom while having decided to actually give him what he wishes?"
"It's just a talk, to hear him out or hear him repeat what he has been saying all this time. And then she'll walk out. But given Emhyr's penchant for locking up his guests, I doubt we can trust it'll only end up like that."
"It's a hard task to lock her up," noted Kain.
Triss clicked her tongue. "Depends on how many mages he puts to that task."
"If that happens, we'll know."
"True," Geralt agreed and finished his wine. "She has to have that talk. It's been long overdue."
Yennefer nodded. "It has. I believe she knows that, too, or she wouldn't have agreed to it."
"Hmm."
Geralt didn't refill his cup, and once their meals were finished, both witchers excused themselves and headed outside.
Triss watched after them and poured the remaining wine from the bottle into her cup.
Ciri peered down at the entrance when she heard the door open, but from her current vantage point she could not see who came or left. She got on her feet and balanced along the rooftop, catching sight of the two witchers.
"Where are you going?" she asked casually.
They peered up at where her voice came from and caught the sight of her peeking from the roof.
"A walk," Geralt offered.
"Want some company?" Or were they attempting to do some sort of brotherly bonding?
"If you wish," Geralt said. "Just meet us outside the gate. Just in case."
They glanced around and went down the street.
Ciri watched them disappear down the street before she climbed back in the window. From there she disappeared in a familiar flash of emerald green, appearing somewhere deep in the forest outside the gates.
Feeling almost giddy from the use of her power, Ciri jogged through the trees and towards where she felt Kain and Geralt would soon make their way.
"What are you afraid of, people of Novigrad, the safest city in our world? Non-humans, is it? Dopplers disguising as your closest ones to steal your children, your spouse or, perhaps, your own life? Witches and hags that plot at night to make you or your life stock sick? Bring you bad luck? Or are you afraid of creatures lurking around your house at night waiting for a chance to creep in and slash their claws across your throats?
"What is it you're most afraid of? Look at the streets of your noble city, dear folks! Ye brave folks! Haven't you burnt all yer fears and horrors? Haven't you cast away every bit of filth you don't want in yer lives? Aren't you marveling at them burning and turning to coals, don't you head to beds at night still hearing their screams of pain? Pain, folks! For they're just as mortal as any of ye is! Do you think of that when ye burn another dwarf or healer at your stakes?
"Tell me, good folks of fearless city of Novigrad, what ye think of when ye go to beds these days? Is it creatures lurking in the night or that neighbor Halfling that sold ye beats at the market? The one you wish were dead because he's a non-human? Or maybe it's the ghost knights clad in black armor that came to take your lives and have already spilt blood?
"Oh yes, good folks, we have lived to this very day when the ghosts from the ominous visions come to claim our lives for they have none of their own! And why, you would ask. Why would they want to kill us? Because they can! Because, my beautiful people of Novigrad, ye've been burning enthusiastically the very those who can stand between ye all and death that comes on spectral horses through the chill of night! That is why the visions come to life and claim our lives excusing it with their hunt for someone who doesn't exist!
"Yes, my dear people of Novigrad, you've heard me right! What the ghosts ever want from the living? They want what they believe they haven't resolved. A murdered wife craves revenge on her murderous husband; a drowned sailor yearns for the warmth of his hearth and a hug of his children! And what would the Spectral Hunt want from us, the living people, to threaten us and take lives? They claim to hunt the girl with ashen hair! The child of fire and death, the grand fall of Cintra! The Lion Cub with ashen hair that's been a symbol of life and new hope for so very long while all over the kingdoms she was believed to have survived! But for a very long time now we know it to not be true! No one has recovered the lost princess. So how would we give them what was never there?
"I tell you what this is when death comes to claim its prey! It is the price for every sin, the price for every dwarf and healer burnt at your stakes! I know you'll say it wasn't your doing, but who, I ask ye, WHO allowed the hunters to do their dirty, bloody work? Who let them in and listened to their filth about Eternal Fire?
"Where, oh good people of Novigrad, where is that bloody fire now when we need it to cast away the ice of death from out doorstep? Where is that fire now when we call upon it to survive this coldest night? Where is that fire now, ye all ask! It burnt out with the last pyre they had ignited, for pyres were all they were good at – the murder and misery we now have to pay for with our lives! Who will save ye now, good people of Novigrad? Who can save you now?"
"Who? Yes, what should we do now?"
"Just ploughin die, that's what!"
"But how is it fair! I never burnt anyone!"
"The damn cult! I say we burn 'em now and see where it gets us!"
"Yeah! Where are those bloody hunters?!"
"Gimme those priests! Those fuckers good-for-nothings!"
"I don't want to die!"
The crowd growled and worried and stirred and screamed for mercy and justice. The town crier kept fueling with more instigating preaching. The two witchers were walking again, leaving the crowd behind. Before they reached the gates, a few more gatherings buzzed like overpopulated hives.
"Dijkstra likes a thorough work," Geralt remarked.
"Scared people turn very quickly," Kain responded. "Any moment it can become a stampede where no one thinks for themselves, anymore. Or at all. There's a fine line."
"I'm afraid we're past worrying about these lines."
Kain hemmed in acknowledgement, and they walked in silence for a bit, listening to the criers and their speeches reaching them in bits and pieces from almost every street.
"What about the Emperor?" Kain asked eventually.
Geralt pondered. "I wish I knew. If he's adamant about the coronation, she'll never go for it."
"Fringilla's in the cell like an animal, up to her ears in filth and abuse, with the shackles. Just like Yennefer was."
"Hmm." Geralt grimaced subtly and shot him an assessing look. "How do you propose we convince him? For stealing her out is not an option."
"I don't know. But there must be a way." Kain considered him. "Especially with something in there between…"
Geralt made another reluctant sound of acknowledgement, his brow furrowing.
They walked out of the gate and proceeded through the village toward the woods.
They sat in silence for a while; Triss sipped her wine and watched Yennefer with a keen eye.
"Is everything all right, darling?" she asked eventually, a faint frown of concern marring her beautiful face framed with reddish chestnut hair falling freely down her shoulders.
Yennefer raised her eyes from her unfinished meal, focusing instead on the mead in her hand and the fire that was warming the inside of the inn.
"As well as it could be."
Triss face remained concerned, and the doubt merely gleamed in the depth of her green eyes scrutinizing Yennefer. "You seem... sad. Anything happened between you and Geralt? You don't seem your usual passionate selves."
Yennefer looked up from the mug, narrowing her eyes on Triss's face.
"What do you mean?"
Did Triss suspect or was she fishing?
"We've other more important issues that we need to focus on."
Triss rolled her eyes a little and finished her wine. "It's not that you don't roll around in hay all day, Yennefer. It's that... cold between you. Barely a shared glance. I know him. I know every emotion to cross his face. I merely see something is wrong. I'm concerned."
Yennefer prickled, irritated with Triss's attempts to inject herself in their relationship even if only for curiosity sake. Yen didn't for a second believe that it had anything to do with concern for the state of their relationship.
"We're not cold, we're focused and there's a difference. We're at war."
"All right, all right," Triss raised her hands, getting up from the table. "No need to defend your secrets with such fury, darling. I understand."
She was smiling subtly when she ascended the stairs.
Yennefer watched her go and shoved aside her plate. If anything, Yennefer had probably made things worse by denying Triss the answers she wanted. Triss would dig until she couldn't dig anymore. Unless she already had? Yennefer shot off her bench, snarling, downing the contents of her mead before heading to Geralt's room. She needed a minute to herself before everyone piled in again.
"How is it you two can simply walk through the gates and not get apprehended?" Ciri asked once the three of them met up on the outskirts of the forest. "Even when I was a fat, balding man they looked me over."
Geralt looked puzzled, "You were what? How?"
"Yennefer," she added as an explanation.
"Dijkstra has long hands, it would seem," Kain said. "No one hunts witchers anymore."
"Are they still searching for ashen-haired, scarred girls?"
The witchers nodded.
"They do," Kain confirmed. "You'll have to keep your dark hair color and pretend to be one of the sorceresses. No one can know you are what the Hunt wants."
Oh, joy.
"Alright," she said, trying to keep the displeasure out of her voice. "Headed somewhere in specific?"
"Just taking a small break to think things over," Geralt said.
"Griffin and the closest river for me," Kain added.
"What about you?" Geralt asked Ciri. "You look tired."
"More hungry than tired," she admitted as they strolled deeper into the forest. "And I am not eager to be in the company of the Lodge at the moment."
"They let us be for now," Geralt said, his boots shuffling against the forest floor. "But Fringilla - or her continued imprisonment - doesn't sit well with them."
"It doesn't sit well with me, either. And yet… I am not sure I am willing to sign my life away in order to save her. However selfish that may be."
"No one asks you," Kain stated. "There might be another way, maybe a few, the question is which way to pick."
"Kidnapping won't be taken well, apparently," the Witcher mused. "Which leaves negotiations."
"What else can we offer to give him?"
"Hard to tell before we actually talk about it."
Ciri looked between the two of them. "Best to not let him find out about Kain and who he is. Emhyr will try to use him like everyone else."
"I'm just another witcher," Kain spread his arms and turned to the bushes rustling when Griffin trotted through. Kain smiled as the beast rushed to meet his hand and put the feathery neck for scratching.
"Until The Lodge decides not to keep your secret anymore."
"I don't care about that secret, Ciri. Keeping secrets is too much work. Useless work since everyone who is a spy or has some will find out. Like Dijkstra. He's aware of my spy achievements. I'm sure Emhyr knows some, too. We have assassinated a lot of people serving each kingdom including Nilfgaard."
"Spy doesn't equal Elder Blood," Ciri said. "And you should care. You will forever be hunted."
"I've been hunted before, it's nothing new, nor anything I can prevent." Kain ruffled the griffin's feathers, smiling.
"You can," she argued. "If you keep it a secret."
It quite infuriated her how indifferent he was to all of it when he knew just how much agony and peril she had gone through for nothing other than the sake of her cursed blood. Like he didn't want to see.
Kain said, "I'm not telling anyone, but I can do nothing about people knowing it from the go."
"Sorcerers have ways to know things and we have no power over it, Ciri," Geralt put in. "No need to brood over it now. We have enough on our plate as it is."
"If you say so." She was still not convinced and would not be able to stop worrying, no matter how much everyone told her not to. She needed to be on her guard. Always.
"You need to eat, Ciri," Geralt said, and looked at Kain. "We might want to deal with Emhyr tomorrow."
"Or after Dijkstra," Kain responded. "Once we know what plan he's cooked."
"Fair."
"Should I come with you? To see Emhyr?"
"I've been told you're going to see him on your own," the Witcher said. "It's a mature decision. He wouldn't leave you alone."
"I am. But not until after we've finished off The Hunt. Could still be a while."
Kain smirked, casting a glance at Ciri over his shoulder. "He probably expects you after the Novigrad battle."
"The Novigrad battle was never mentioned," she said. "So why would he think such a thing?"
"Who would want to wait for someone indefinitely?" Kain reasoned. "He'd never conquered so much so quickly if he had no issues with patience."
She shrugged. "Then he should have worded himself better."
Kain excused himself and snuck away with his griffin. Geralt glanced at them disappearing in the woods, then turned to Ciri with concerned interest.
"Are you two all right?"
"Kain and me?" she asked, glancing after the disappearing boy. "I thought we were. I'm not sure. I don't know what we are."
The Witcher smiled shrewdly, "Friends and allies is not a bad start. Or, perhaps, not good enough for Ciri, mm?"
"It would be if I knew that is what we were." She was silent a moment, contemplating. "I kissed him. He didn't like it. He says he can't open himself up to anything like that. Not with me, anyway. So I suppose I already have my answer."
The Witcher considered her, heaving a sigh. "He might be my brother, but we have our differences, as well as likenesses. He's avoiding romance, which I fully understand. When you're set in a certain habit for years and then meet someone who's ready to love you the way you are, it takes time to accept it. For us who knew we couldn't love, it does take time. It's breaking a habit."
"It's silly to worry about such things at the moment anyway," she said, eyes on her boots. "I should keep my mind on The Hunt and nothing else."
"And what would it do to you? You already nearly have a face of a banshee searching for an omen to announce. You need some moments free of all this doom. You can't go on like this. Not for so many years straight. Don't do this to yourself. We'll pull through. We have to." He pulled her into his arms and kissed her head. "I promise."
"I am tired of trying to find those happy moments only to have them shatter." Her voice was muffled against Geralt's jerkin. She was in no hurry to pull away from him. She liked hiding her face against his chest. It felt safer. "I am just tired. Better to not get my hopes up."
He held her tenderly but in a firm embrace. It felt the safest with her so close. She spent too much time out of his reach for his comfort. "Hopes for what?"
"All the good things one is supposed to hope for – love, peace, happiness... I imagine it would hurt less if one didn't try to find it in the first place. Even when you think you have a good thing, they turn out not to be..." Mistle came to mind. As did Avallac'h. People who had both let her down severely. Or rather, people she never should have opened up to in the first place.
"What do we live for, then?" he asked in a gentle voice. "Do I live to slay monsters until there are none left? Do I stop hoping for anything better? What do I do then? Pick a fiend and let it get me to end this?"
"I don't know," she answered honestly. "The past few years... it feels as though I have been fighting to live simply so Eredin will not win. And even those few times I have dared to imagine what life will be like should we defeat them, I soon remember I will probably die anyway."
The Witcher pulled her away from him to look her in the eye, scowling. "Stop thinking that, Ciri. There was no sense in your destiny and all the noise about it if you were so easy to kill. With your power, you will survive. Eredin is no match for you, even if he's not yet aware of it."
She had not been speaking of Eredin, and only now realized the words had slipped from her without thinking. Luckily, Geralt had not caught on.
She nodded, swiping the back of her hand across her wet eyes and smiled. For him. "Yeah."
"Don't tell me your happy moments depend on what Kain thinks of your kisses." Geralt tried to stay serious, but his mouth twitched in the slightest amusement.
"Happy moments with Kain? Of course it does. How would you feel if you were in love with Yennefer and she did not want you in return? Not even the slightest bit sad?"
He sighed. "I'm a witcher, and if all the joy in my life depended on love and being loved in return, I'd find that killer fiend a long time ago to end it. I have you, Dandelion, Zoltan, my friends and now a brother. It's enough, more than so many of my kind dream to have."
"You did not answer my question," Ciri pointed out. "You would be sad. I remember you were."
"So... she didn't want me? I'm not surprised. It's what I do remember."
"I don't know what she wanted. She was like Kain, I suppose. Closed."
"He's not closed. He's just afraid of all the possible suffering he might be inviting if he allowed that love in. We never felt needed. We never thought we could be."
"You speak as though you are the same."
"We come from the same background of being given away to witcher schools. It's a way of life, Ciri. It's not a temporary thing. We feel alike in many ways because of it."
"I know. But you are not the same person. Just as he and I are not the same person even though we share something it is possible no one else has," she pointed out, then waved it away. It was unimportant and, in truth, she was glad Geralt had found someone. Family. He'd need it in the coming months and years.
"You should make an effort to gain his griffin's acceptance. He's important to him and I have a feeling you will be, too."
Geralt couldn't help but laugh. "Amazing image: a witcher and a creature he would have killed for money."
She smiled slightly and prodded his chest with a finger. "Time to broaden your horizon."
"I have nothing against his griffin until he starts killing people. I don't suppose that would happen."
"Not unless said people attacked him or Kain. I slept next to him several nights and felt perfectly safe."
"Griffins are rather intelligent, I have to admit it," Geralt said as they strolled languidly through the woods. "Though when they're enraged and murderous, there's no stopping them easily. He's lucky to have gained one as a friend. I'm not a druid, so I can't boast the same talent."
"Is it easy to stop anyone when they are enraged and murderous?" Ciri asked with a soft laugh, though she understood what Geralt meant. "Well, you don't need a griffin. You have me."
Geralt laughed, but deep down a thought arose that she was even more dangerous than any enraged griffin could be. What she could do with her magic in the moments of rage was amazing and petrifying at the same time. None of what he wanted to mention to her, however.
"Go," Ciri said, gently nudging Geralt away. "Go spend time with your brother. Get to know him. I'll go back to the inn and find something to eat now the hags have retreated."
"We'll have enough time for everything," he said, drawing her closer almost possessively despite her nudging. "I feel I'm missing all the time with you, and I had missed it too much, for too many years that've been stolen from us."
She smiled, genuinely delighted he was choosing to spend time with her even if more interesting people were available to him. "What would we have been doing, you think? Had we not been separated and hunted."
"You'd probably be a witcher, and most our time would be spent traveling around, killing monsters and listening to Dandelion complain and compose - in those moments when he wouldn't be stuck in another trouble brought about by numerous love affairs."
"Would you have given me the mutations, you think? There was a time you all seemed against it."
"I was never going to," he admitted. "I would never have done it to you. Besides, your own talents work better. Your Elder Blood is much more than any meagre witcher magic can give. You simply never needed it."
"But you doubt it now," she said, looking up at him. "You don't want me to be a witcher."
"The absolute truth of it, Ciri, is that I don't know anything for sure, anymore. The Lodge keep accusing me of enabling you to lead a life that is not suited for anyone without mutations. And they're right. But then you only expressed your want to be a witcher when you were a child. Now you state you want something of your own choosing. And none of us can judge that or assess in any way, for none of us know what it is. It's solely up to you what choices you will make. I know my choice stays the same. I cannot be reborn into something new."
"You could be a farmer," Ciri teased. "But you would be bored."
She hooked her arm through his as they walked further into the forest.
"And I don't think you should pay much heed to The Lodge and their 'parenting' advice. They know nothing of it."
"I know nothing of it, either," he said. "I never knew what was best for a child, let alone a girl. That is why I tried to escape you. I didn't want that kind of misery for you. If Cintra never fell, you'd have become its queen one day like Calanthe wanted."
"I never wanted to be Queen. Even before I met you. I understood more than people gave me credit for. Saw more.
"My grandmother was queen, and yet she was not allowed to rule without a man by her side. So when my grandfather died she had to marry another.
"If I were to follow in my mother's footsteps, I would have gotten married to some lazy and spoiled princeling. And right away he would have been my minder. And then I would be expected to give him children. Would be deemed a failure and a disgrace to the kingdom if I failed to do so.
"And I would be flanked by body guards. I would not be permitted to leave the castle without them. Because women are weak and feeble and can do nothing for themselves.
"A prisoner with a crown."
She shook her head.
"I'd take monsters and an early death over that any day."
"Had Cintra never fallen, you'd have no other options. We wouldn't have met again. I wouldn't come back to take you from your home. Calanthe adapted, so would you."
"No," Ciri objected. "I wouldn't then. I won't now. That way lies only misery."
She flinched. "I realize how awful I sound. How privileged. I'd have a bed to sleep in and food on the table. And most would be content with that, I suppose."
"It matters not now that we are here and the history went the way it did. If you refuse the throne, no one can make you choose it. And no one can tell whether it would do you good or ill to have claimed it. It is simply unknown."
"What would you do if you were in my shoes? Would you be king?"
He peered at her for a moment of contemplating, utterly dumbfounded. "I... have no clue what I'd do. I barely recall anything before Kaer Morhen. It's like... I've never been anything else other than what I am. And it couldn't be further from a crown. I guess I lack imagination to calculate my choice in that version."
She nodded, understanding his plight. Then an impish, knowing smile made the corner of her mouth twitch.
"You would have turned it down based on the clothes alone."
"Oh, come on!" cried Geralt. "What's the point of being a king when you can't pick your own clothes!"
"I agree!" Ciri laughed. "Have you ever seen me in a dress?"
"I saw your portrait as a child. In your castle in Cintra, and then in Emhyr's library. You seemed... uncomfortable.
"But your mother was dashing in her royal dresses. You would be, too. You look a lot like her."
"My grandmother made me sit for that portrait when I was five. She always hated the end product and, as she liked to remind me, it was not the artist's fault." Ciri smiled fondly. "But she still hung it in her bed chambers. I hate that Emhyr has it now."
"He does harbor some feelings for you," the Witcher said in a quiet voice. "Blood does call to blood. We can't underestimate something we don't know."
"Yes, and those feelings worry me," Ciri replied. "He married my replica. It is possible he believes our personalities are similar, and that is why he wants me close now."
"He did it to secure the Cintra throne. He wants you to be with him because he has his unresolved parental feelings. Everybody can love, Ciri. But everybody loves differently. He probably loves you, but in his own way."
She shrugged, looking troubled. "I am not certain I want that love. To accept it, to accept him, would be to ignore what he did to my mother, grandmother, and the people of Cintra."
"I can't advise on it. It should be between you and him. I do know, however, that sometimes people need to be given a second chance. Sometimes they change when they want to. If you will be speaking to him, listen to your heart, Ciri. Only you will know what to do and how to feel."
"I told him I would, so I will." She looked up at the witcher. "Do you think Kain is right? That he expects me to come after the battle of Novigrad?"
"Kain says things as if he knows. I'm not sure what to make of his magic at times.
"If I were Emhyr, I'd want you to come as soon as you're able."
"He thinks I would have changed my mind that quickly? While I am still being hunted?" Ciri shook his head. "Emhyr makes no sense to me."
"He believes he can provide you with better protection and chances for survival than what you have with us."
"He's never even met The Hunt as far as I am aware. Everything he knows is from legends and fairytales." Ciri clutched Geralt's arm tighter. "He'd be condemning his people to a gruesome death."
The Witcher's face turned gloomy. "We are not doing any better. Whatever the outcome, people will die. We'll do our best but there will be deaths. We cannot save everyone."
"I know. But at the very least, some of our people have faced monsters before. They are better prepared."
"His men win with quantity more than quality," Geralt remarked. "However, they aren't bad fighters."
"I suppose not. Better than the civilians of Novigrad."
"If Dijkstra won't take care of it, we'll have to convince civilians to leave until the battle's over."
"What about the soldiers and guards? Will they remain?"
"Those who can fight should remain." He steered her gently toward the city as they walked. "We are good, but we cannot take on the whole unit of the Wild Hunt. We don't know what the Lodge can do, especially if they don't get Fringilla back. Any help is good."
"Yennefer, Triss, and Keira managed at Kaer Morhen. And we have Kain."
"We also had Mousesack," Geralt reminded. "Kain nearly died that day. It was a hair away, too close. You almost got taken away. We lost Coen, Hjalmar's men, we almost lost Lambert and Eskel. Avallac'h barely managed to do his spell in time. Keira almost died, too. Yennefer lost a lot of power.
"It won't be easy, Ciri."
"I am not saying it will be. But from the sound of it, the Lodge won't go into battle at all unless they have Fringilla," Ciri said. "Do you really think one person will make that much of a difference?"
"They want to be difficult. But I won't state they don't care about her. When even I do. Those cells... What happened to Margarita and Triss... It's not something to wish upon any living being."
"Of course not," she agreed. "Are you really considering going there yourself to bargain with him? What if he tries to hurt you again? Or asks for something you cannot give?"
The Witcher shrugged. "I cannot give him something I cannot give. And scarcely he will consider any torture. It's stupid to attempt anything when he got your agreement to talk."
"And if he asks you to convince me to officially become his heir? Will you lie?" Ciri asked, watching him.
"He probably knows I can't make you. Nor can he. It's solely your decision."
"Unless he continues to threaten the people I love."
"No one discarded that tactics."
They were nearing the city gates again.
"I should probably travel my way instead of going past the guards."
"Maybe it's not wise to overuse it? And the guards are busy with the crowds listening to new preachers."
"Overuse it?" Ciri asked, eyeing the upcoming bridge. "Eredin clearly already knows I am here."
"You think it's because of your use of power?"
She shrugged. "Or the Crone. Either way, it's how they used to track me."
The Witcher scowled, reflecting. "If that Crone has a way of reporting your location to them, we have to stop her. Finish what you started."
"We will. She has Kain's blood. Probably tracking him that way."
He looked at her with an accusation. "Were you two going to tell me about that?"
"It honestly just slipped my mind until a few days ago when Kain reminded me. It's not as though we have had much spare time."
"Doesn't matter how much time we can have, but when it comes to your safety, it's our priority."
"I told you; It slipped my mind. I was not trying to hide it from you."
It didn't wipe the frown from his brow, but he asked no more questions. Instead, he nudged her toward the city.
"Go, you have to eat and rest."
"Where will you go?"
"I'll see where Kain is."
"Alright. Be safe. And don't go to see Emhyr before you tell me, please."
Geralt smiled and hugged her. "Don't worry."
"Try and stop me," she said, hugging him back before heading off towards the gate.
Ciri walked through town with her head lowered, glancing cautiously every now and then at the crowds of people who seemed just about ready to riot. Though what they were protesting was less clear. The Eternal Fire? The Hunt, itself? Their king?
At least there was one thing Ciri could say with confidence that Emhyr was the better emperor. Unlike Radovid, he did not have it out for mages and non-humans. In fact, she knew he revered elves and their way of life, listening keenly to their prophecies. It was why he'd wanted a child with his Elder Blood daughter to begin with.
She reached the inn without any trouble and slipped inside. The first floor was empty. Everyone seemed to have retreated to their rooms.
Ciri peered into the kitchens where the cook was busy portioning out pieces of pork after a recent delivery. She asked whether it was possible to have some food made, and though the cook seemed reluctant to abandon his current task, he agreed.
"Ciri!" Priscilla greeted her with a smile descending the stairs. "There is something delivered for you today." She produced a small bundle from the counter and handed it over. "Dandelion's masseuse brought it, she said you know what it is. I'll go see about your lunch." She flashed a smile and went to the kitchen.
"Thank you," Ciri said, taking the package and hugging it to her chest. For some reason it grated on her nerves to have Fealinn referred to as 'Dandelion's masseuse', only because she was so much more. But she didn't stop to consider it for long, darting up the stairs to her room where she could open the parcel in peace.
She sat on her bed and unwrapped the brown paper, smiling to herself as a hand-forged dimeritium bracelet fell into her lap. Whoever had made it had managed to make it quite beautiful. Not flash or sparkly like something one of the sorceresses might wear; subtler in its decoration than that.
She slipped it onto her right wrist and tried to examine whether she felt any different. After a minute of contemplation, she decided she did not. There was no discomfort or pain.
Pleased with that, she bounded out of her room and down the stairs again, more than ready for a meal now.
Her meal was consumed quickly and quietly and once she finished, Ciri trekked back up the stairs in search of Yennefer. She found her in Geralt's room, looking as though she was in a mood, which was never pleasant.
"Everything alright?"
Yennefer looked up as the door opened and Ciri stepped inside. She hadn't been expecting Geralt but she'd hoped. After her talk with Triss she wanted a bit of reassurance. She loathed herself for it. Never before had she needed anyone else's approval or anything else even similar. She shrugged and brushed aside the thought. "You shouldn't let The Lodge get to you. You know they're just trying to push you into a place where they can air their views."
"Being around them makes me feel like a little girl again. Powerless," Ciri admitted, taking a seat on Geralt's bed.
"You're not, though, and you need to remember that. Otherwise they'll keep pushing you, keep trying to make you bend."
"It is more likely I'll snap."
"You should put them in their place. If you don't they'll continue to do it and keep coming."
Philippa liked to sniff out the weak breaks in a person's head.
Ciri regarded the sorceress carefully. "Are you still suffering from your time spent in the dungeon?" It was so rare to see Yennefer idle and looking morose, that she had to ask.
"I'm well – not hurt. Not much I could do about it otherwise anyway. Things are changing all the time and we have to adapt."
Ciri frowned in confusion. "Adapt to what?"
"Triss. Triss Merigold."
Ciri blinked, though, in truth, it was not that much of a surprise. "You mean, because of Geralt?"
Yennefer nodded. "She's fishing. Has he spoken to her at all about the Djinn?"
"Not that I know of, but I am rarely privy to their private conversation."
"I don't suppose that you are. If anyone has been talking to him, though, it's you. He hasn't spoken of it? About how he feels?"
"It's hard to get him to speak of such things. He only does if I ask and the last time I did he seemed annoyed we were all expecting him to remember things he can't."
"I don't want him to remember." Oh yes, she did. "Not presently. I want to know how he feels – what he feels. If anything?"
She glanced down at her hands sadly.
"Triss, I can tell, is already trying to conjure up some kind of plan."
"How can he know what he feels if he doesn't remember everything that has happened?" Ciri asked cautiously.
"He doesn't have to remember everything that's happened." Yennefer lifted her eyes to Ciri's face. "We've coupled. A few times. I— I surmised he might have used that as—"
She broke off mid-thought, hating that she sounded as though she were pleading to some extent or trying to beg for answers that Ciri didn't have.
"You heard he slept in Triss's room last night?"
Ciri shook her head. "No, I did not. But I suspect it was because of the treatment she gave him. Same one she gave Kain. For a calm sleep."
Yennefer snorted. "She's getting around."
"Have you talked to Geralt about his feelings? The best to do so would probably be you."
"No, I haven't." Yennefer didn't want to push him, especially after she knew that every time it came up he appeared to look remorseful. "How do I talk to him about something, as you said, he doesn't remember? If he doesn't have any opinion on who I am now, I don't want to push him. I just… I wanted to see if he was giving it any thought, if it was even on his mind—"
"If he is sleeping with you, how could he not?" Ciri asked, her head tilted, hair falling forward to obscure one eye. She pushed it away. "You're not easy to ignore. Even when you're quiet."
Yennefer smiled at Ciri, sometimes forgetting that despite her now adult features and other womanly traits, that she wasn't as experienced.
"Easily. Men don't need to have any kind of feeling for a woman to bed them. Nor do women. They just do. It's primitive."
"And yet it is you he... couples with. Not Triss. That must mean something, no?"
"Does it? Maybe it's convenience, obligation, that noble spirt of his that wants to soothe my dramatics."
Ciri winced. "I don't think Geralt would ever feel obligated to sleep with you. Maybe his body remembers things his mind does not?"
"Perhaps."
Triss claimed otherwise and she was right. They weren't at the same level of near blind passion that they used to be, that all-consuming lust that made it hard to be in one another's company without touching or eventually sleeping together.
"What of Kain? Have you broached him about your feelings?"
Ciri nodded. "I have. I kissed him. He didn't kiss me back. And a part of me knew he wouldn't. He told me almost as soon as we met he doesn't want to get attached to anyone."
"Why's that? Did he tell you?"
"Bad past experiences that have made him wary. Afraid, maybe. He said he's closed himself down. And I don't know if I should push to change his mind or not. I don't want to be... I mean, what people have done to me... I don't want to do that to him."
"You would never do that and nothing of what you're feeling for Kain is anywhere near what has been done to you. It's different."
"Not if he does not want me and I push myself on him anyway."
"Feeling a moment between yourselves is not pushing yourself on him."
"Even if I am the only one feeling it?"
"You don't know that you are," Yennefer stated conversationally. "Just because he doesn't want to get attached, doesn't mean that he won't. Look at Geralt and I. Not now. Over the years. We are where we are because of trying to discover our feelings and finding it impossible. These things take time. It doesn't mean you give up just because he isn't sure. Until he tells you he absolutely has no interest in you, you still have a chance."
"Perhaps." Ciri still was not sure. What if by trying she was pushing Kain away? And how was she to handle the feeling of rejection when he didn't respond to her advances? "Is it strange that I am still attracted to him knowing he is Geralt's brother?"
"No. You were attracted to him before you knew he was Geralt's brother. There's no way to turn that off with a snap of the fingers, although, I suppose, if you have no interest in pursuing that you could step back from it entirely. Do you feel strange about it?"
"Not really. I don't think of him as Geralt's brother. I think of him as my… Kain."
"Then that's who he is." Yennefer smiled and slipped a hand into Ciri's.
Ciri averted her gaze. "Is it normal to feel so lost? I thought love and romance were supposed to be lovely."
"Unfortunately, some love is troubled, takes a lot of work and time to figure it out. But it can be lovely, can be quite amazing—"
"I wouldn't know. But I'd like to experience it one day. Maybe once The Hunt is gone, I'll find the time to try."
"There's time to start on that today," Yennefer added. "Why wait? Why let time pass when you could make it work now? Don't live for the maybes and one days. There might come a point where you realize or get shown that it's too late."
"If he was not ready yesterday, I doubt he is ready now." Ciri sighed. "But if the moment feels right…"
"You never know," Yennefer said encouragingly. "You never know what can change in a day."
Ciri smiled. "You should try and remember that, too."
Yennefer smiled softly, giving a laugh in spite of herself. "I'll try."