Ciri left the bottle on the table and headed in search of Geralt and Kain, temporarily putting her musings of Eredin and potential entrapment aside.
She found the two witchers in the back garden. They looked peaceful enough but their faces reflected concern. Did that mean they had heard from Novigrad?
"Did Yennefer stop by here?"
"No," Geralt turned to her, his brow furrowing in mild confusion. "I assumed you went to her room - unless you've spent all this time in the wine cellar destroying the Temple stock." He smirked, his eyebrow perking up in a silent inquiry.
"We went to the hot springs," Ciri explained. "Yennefer used to take me there when I was a child."
She looked between Geralt and Kain, gaze eventually settling on the former. "You do know last night was a mistake, yes? That I wasn't trying to lay with you, Geralt?"
Kain couldn't fully restrain his smile and averted his gaze while Geralt's smirk slipped off completely, replaced by surprise. "I'm not stupid, Ciri. I know where you aimed."
Ciri gave a slow nod, eyes still narrowed in scrutiny. "As long as that's clear." She breathed a sigh and looked back at the temple. "I need to go find Yennefer. We're waiting on word from Novigrad. You should be prepared to leave in case we are needed back there."
"There are four sorceresses of the Lodge," the Witcher said. "If we were needed badly, we would know by now. You should let yourself relax a little. This break is small, but it's worth enjoying."
"It's not a break," Ciri argued. "We're just... waiting. If anything we could be off searching for the Sunstone right now."
"Sometimes waiting a little before continuing your endless run is useful. You have to pause every now and then before you burn out."
"I don't know what to do with myself here," Ciri admitted. "I can't just... sit."
She looked towards the temple again, secretly hopeful Yennefer would come running out in a panic. Not that the sorceress ever panicked.
"Hasn't Avallac'h been trying to teach you meditation?" teased Kain. "It requires sitting in peace for a period of time. It does you good."
"Everything is fine in Novigrad," Geralt added. "In our world the absence of news is good news."
"And I only did it to placate him," Ciri told Kain. "Because his sulking if I didn't would drive me mad."
No matter what the witchers said, Ciri knew she wouldn't be able to settle. Because this pause was false. She knew it would end and pain and suffering would come crashing back. She needed to be prepared for that lest she break.
"I am going back to Novigrad in the morning. With or without you." She started for the temple. "We have things to do."
"No one keeps you here against your will, Ciri," Geralt called after her. "But I shall be returning on horseback."
That was what Ciri had intended too, but she didn't call back.
Instead, she made her way into the room she shared with Yennefer and found the sorceress just returning from somewhere, the golden light of her portal fading.
"Anything?"
"I spoke to Triss. As of yet, there haven't been any new threats from the Wild Hunt. Everyone is well."
"That is good news," Ciri said, though for some reason she didn't manage to make that sound convincing. "Nevertheless, I am going back to Novigrad in the morning."
Yennefer didn't have to read Ciri's mind to have picked up on her disappointment. Strange. Perhaps the waiting was beginning to become too much.
"To do what?"
Ciri shrugged. "I'll see when I get there. Surely there will be more use for us there than here."
"It's going to take time to rebuild. I'm sure they'll welcome any hand willing to help."
"Will you come with me, then?"
"If that's what you'd like."
Ciri smiled, feeling more at ease with her decision. "I'd like it very much."
"What of Geralt and Kain?"
"They seem more reluctant. Geralt shouted he will go back by riding, but didn't say when."
"I thought we'd leave in two days. They probably want to make sure Kain is properly healed. He is in the best place for such care should that change."
"He is healed. He told me himself," Ciri said, removing her weapons belt. "They are just enjoying the quiet."
It was as if neither brother had listened to Yennefer when they discussed the issue of Ciri's impatience at the table this morning. That was their mistake.
"I don't blame them, the last few weeks have been frenzied. Even longer for you. You sure you'd rather not stay for some peace of mind?"
"I have no peace of mind here. I prefer to keep busy."
"Being busy helps with that, too. Perhaps, on the way, we should tend to more mundane Witcher business. Help eradicate some towns of beasts."
Ciri frowned. "Why? We have our own to tend to."
"Novigrad isn't under attack. At least not yet. Unless you're promptly interested in going from being holed up in a temple, to being caged in the inn. It's an inescapable outcome, and it will happen. You can't freely wander around the city. Even with Geralt being able to reach an accord with Dijkstra, that doesn't mean that with the loss of Oxenfurt there aren't other civilians vying to capture you and hand you over to the Wild Hunt. We lost more than we were able to save and we can't afford to hand them the opportunity. On the road, you've more of a chance to enjoy the sunlight on your face and have even less chance of being recognized. The war isn't going anywhere, Ciri, I promise – when we get back there in say a day or two – it'll still be hanging over everyone's head and you'll be able to lead the frontline."
"I'm not hiding anymore," Ciri said, regarding the sorceress thoughtfully. "Not here, nor in Novigrad. I am done cowering in the shadows. If anyone comes for me, they will swiftly regret it. I promise you that."
"You're telling me you're planning to cut down people that are scared for their lives? For their families? And are too afraid of what they'd lose again?"
"If they try to harm me or anyone I love, of course I will. I intend to come out of this war alive, Yennefer." Ciri gently touched the bouquet of wildflowers someone had put in a vase on their table, admiring the pretty colors of every petal. "Don't lie and tell me you wouldn't do the same."
"You're not me, Ciri, you're better than that," Yennefer countered. "I'm not saying you should roll over and take it, but those too afraid to fight are not your enemy. They're idiots. Cowards. And rightly so. If the Wild Hunt was effortlessly bested we'd have done so by now and wouldn't have any need for the Lodge."
"I've never said defeating the Hunt would be easy. But if anyone comes for me because they are too scared to fight," Ciri narrowed her eyes, "then I will have to make them more afraid of me than they are of Eredin."
Ciri made for the door, unaware of how the flowers that had been beautiful and luscious a minute earlier were now dying.
"I'm going to check on Kelpie. Make certain all her gear is ready for us to go."
Yennefer scowled as Ciri left the room. Ciri had been so protective of the people of Novigrad before and now was willing to throw them beneath the rubble to save herself. That wasn't Ciri. Not her Ciri. The magic was eating her alive – literally.
After the door closed behind Ciri, Yennefer sighed, her eyes skimming the interior until they stopped on the wilting flowers she'd been examining.
She walked over to the vase, touching a hand to the darkening petals, feeling the residue of the dark magic before they dropped off and died.
Could it be Ciri was in fact possessed—the more she spoke, the more certain Yennefer became—or was it that the Elder Blood was changing her?
Yennefer scrubbed a hand against her face, considering, and then went in search of Geralt and Kain.
By the scowl Yennefer wore approaching them Geralt read there was another trouble.
"What is it?" he asked before she spoke.
"I'm beginning to believe Ciri is possessed," Yennefer said softly, fearing the blonde would appear in a flash of green and yell 'got you!' and then take off.
The brothers tensed, and Geralt felt tired of the subject. He was annoyed to keep thinking it all over when he had finally managed to settle in his view on it.
"What made you think so?" Kain asked.
"She made the flowers in our room wilt. I'm not even sure she did it deliberately. She's also saying things that contradict what she's been willing to do since she returned," Yennefer felt more at ease saying it out loud and like there was truth to the belief. "We're leaving tomorrow. She wants to go back to Novigrad."
"So she told us," Geralt muttered, mulling it over. "So you think she's possessed because she did something to some flowers? She can make people's heads explode, Yennefer. She destroyed the Crones with their little pocket dimension. What are some flowers to her when she's upset? It can't be proof, can it?" He turned to Kain; the latter seemed uncertain.
"Geralt got a point," he said reluctantly. "When Ciri's upset, bad things happen. The more control she gains over her powers, the less timid she gets to use them, either willingly or just on emotions."
Yennefer should have known better than to rely on the reference of the flowers as evidence.
"I've suggested to Ciri that we do some Witcher clean-up on the way to Novigrad. There should been some beasts in need of slaying. It'll give me a better assessment of her magic use – her fighting – and let us know if her carnal instincts are solely restricted to the Wild Hunt."
"I thought she wanted to get to the city as soon as possible and therefore would use her power to travel," Geralt said. "You should accompany her, given you came through a portal to begin with."
"No, I told her that going directly to town is a bad idea. And it is. She isn't any safer there – besides, I explained. I'd like to see how her powers progress when she fights something else."
"She can't be taking any witcher contracts alone," Geralt argued wearily. "She might be a mage of sorts, but she's still human and mortal. You can't just test her like some mages do their lab rats and mice."
"You trusted me to test her as a child," Yennefer argued, insulted that Geralt thought her intention was that cut and dry. "What would you I rather do? Ignore what I know and hope for the best?"
He heaved a sigh and gave her a tired look. "Do as you wish, but mind that it could only provoke her if she finds out how intensely she's being watched. She's not that little girl anymore, Yen. She's onto us more often than not."
"She likes to fight. Apparently she likes to kill. I can't see her having a problem with being granted the occasion to do both. Besides, hasn't it always been her want to be a witcher?"
"We haven't had a chance to discuss her wants in more details, because there's always the Hunt's shadow looming over her, and she refuses to let it go even for an extra few hours, as you can see for yourself." Geralt waved a hand toward the stables where Ciri went.
Yennefer and Geralt were running in circles around one another and getting nowhere. Kain was silent. Yennefer turned her attention to the half-elf. "What's your opinion? Suggestions?"
Kain blinked, bewildered. "What am I supposed to say? I'm the worst one to ask for advice on a child-surprise parenting."
"No one is asking you to parent here, Kain, least of all Ciri. So please, don't say that too loudly," Yennefer countered, darting a look toward the stables to make sure she hadn't decided to join them. If anything would make Ciri turn tail and run, it would be that. "What I meant was… you've been spending almost as much time with her as we have lately. Surely, you've learned more about her and have something useful to add."
"There's nothing I can add," he said. "She's been the same old Ciri when we talked. She didn't make any flowers die or birds fall dead from the sky or anything like you seem to expect now. I don't sense any possession in her - but then again, she hasn't lost her temper around me yet." He gave a helpless shrug. "We better treat her as normal, otherwise it's like Geralt says - she'll know." He leaned forward to her as if to confide. "Her powers are developing, she's learning fast. She could read your intentions if you're not careful. And then she'll take it as a betrayal. The worst betrayal of someone she trusted as a mother."
"If Ciri takes offense to my concern then I know for certain that there is something wrong with her. She knows me. All of me," Yennefer added, averting her attention to Geralt. He did, too, and if he remembered her, he'd know that there was a lot that came with her, a lot of issues and personality imperfections that were overlooked. They had love, and that love shone through brighter than anything else. "However, if you two are that worried… you should travel with us tomorrow."
Geralt let on a small ironic smile. "No one knows all of you but you, Yen. Nevertheless, she gets annoyed at any concern coming from us when she feels it's smothering. It doesn't matter how well she knows you if she senses you're being tense and watching as if she's unwell." He sighed, rubbing his neck. "I don't want to be worried. I hope she gives me no reason to. I want to have trust that she knows what she's doing."
"You're being utterly naïve, Geralt. I tell you that your daughter is possibly possessed and you revert to closing your eyes and praying?" Yennefer straightened up and glowered at the two, huffing with the same indignation Ciri did when she reverted to tantrum-throwing and stomped off to their room.
He watched her leave, both annoyed and battling an urge to laugh.
"Had she known me so well, this prayer thing had to be a joke." He turned to Kain, conflicted. "Am I being stupid as she hints? Should I drag Ciri to some temple by the hair and attempt at banishing spirits from her?"
Kain chortled, shaking his head. "Before we know for sure by some undeniable fact, everything we choose to think is speculation. Including her opinion. We have to wait. If she's possessed, it won't be long until it's revealed."
"And then what? Someone dies? Or maybe many someones? If it's the Riders, I won't mind."
Kain sighed, his smile dying out. He said nothing, watching Yennefer sashay away.
Everything was all right with Kelpie's riding gear. Of course it was. Ciri had known that going into the stable. She'd just wanted an excuse to be alone again.
Usually, she was on the same wavelength with Geralt and Yennefer; they'd always been good at soothing the reckless urgency in Ciri. It might take some time, certainly, but they would usually get there in the end. Not this time.
Ciri leaned against Kelpie's door and pondered, wondering what had happened to make her parents unable to soothe her now. They'd lost their touch.
Had the two been locked away together in a bedroom screwing each other's brains out, Ciri probably wouldn't have complained. But they weren't doing that either. So why were they so set on delaying the inevitable - preparing for the war?
"They're getting older, Kelpie," Ciri murmured, eyeing the mare. "Maybe they are becoming more reluctant to fight?"
The horse didn't answer, of course. She didn't even approach Ciri for their usual cuddling. She just chewed on hay and watched the girl from afar.
If Ciri didn't know any better, she'd say the animal was being wary.
"Come here," Ciri called softly, holding her hand out for Kelpie in invitation.
The mare hesitated, then turned away, refusing to approach and greatly wounding Ciri's feelings in the process.
The girl scowled in dismay and for a brief moment felt the urge to step inside and force closeness upon the mare.
The whip is here for a reason, she thought, eyeing Kelpie's back with a burning anger.
Ciri's grasp on the gate was so tight her knuckles turned white.
She eventually exhaled, some of the tension evaporating.
"Fine. Be that way."
Everyone was doing a good job of getting on Ciri's nerves today. Must be something in the water.
"Careful, child!" Nenneke reprimanded, but without the real heat, when Ciri nearly collided with her on her way from the stables. The priestess gave her a keen look. "Are you all right? Something the matter?"
"Your skittish horses seem to be rubbing off on my mare," Ciri murmured, disgruntled. "She's not used to being confined inside. It'll do her good to get back on the road again."
"No one makes you keep her inside," Nenneke said. "That one is in because she's expecting any day now. The rest are out in the field." She regarded her closely. "You can't wait to get away again, isn't it right?" A small smile touched her lips, either sad or a bit sardonic. "Is this not a welcome and safe harbor for you, anymore, my girl?"
Ciri regarded the older woman with a frown, one that slightly softened when she realized Nenneke's feelings might be hurt.
"It's not that. I just...There's so much that needs to be taken care of before I can start to feel at peace. And I can't do that from here."
Nenneke smiled warmer. "There's always a moment or two for peace, dear. You won't have to stay for a year, nor even for a week, I imagine. But at least while you're here, let yourself breathe deeper."
"That leads to complacency. That is when they strike," Ciri said matter-of-factly. "I can't afford to do that."
"Nonsense," Nenneke scoffed, slowly resuming her stroll toward the Temple doors. "Giving oneself a few hours of peace until you leave is not complacency. It's healthy. It's a needed break from being so strung up. Look at you, pale and skinny, and those eyes burning with constant anxiety. Oh, child, I wish I had you here for a week or two to get you back to the world of living from that pit you ran yourself into."
"Did this to myself, did I?" Ciri scoffed, reluctantly following in Nenneke's wake. "Believe me, Nenneke, if you had armies and bounty hunters chasing you to the end of the world, and even into new ones, you would do what I did. Because the consequences of being caught are too horrific."
Mother Nenneke gave a long sigh, shook her head. "Armies, chases - it's not forever. It's not here and now." She stopped abruptly, and Ciri almost bumped into her yet again. Nenneke waved a hand at the gardens around. "Look. There is no chase or death here. And you are here now. Let yourself enjoy it while you can. Don't run from that as fast as you run from whoever chases you."
Ciri stepped closer to the woman, towering over her. "Just because you can't see them doesn't mean they are not here. I feel them. Their want. Their desire. It never leaves. The only way for it all to stop is with a river of blood."
There was something else besides sadness in the way the priestess looked at her. Something akin to pity.
"There's only us here, dear child. Just us. If you don't banish your trials from your head, you will never defeat them."
Ciri smiled sardonically. "Then according to you we are all doomed."
She took a few steps away, brushing hair out of her eyes, her smile softening suddenly.
"I'm going to stop them. You'll see. One day I will truly be free."
"What will happen then?"
Ciri hesitated. She'd imagined that moment many times while on the run. But some of the aspects seemed more like fantasies than potential reality now.
"I will be by Geralt's side, helping him with his work. He and Yennefer will be together. Kain will be there as well. And we will be a family again."
"Nothing stops you from being a family now," Nenneke reasoned softly. "They're here with you. All of them. And you're with them."
Ciri shook her head.
"No. I thought they were but..." She stared off into the air for a moment, then resurfaced. "And they are not together. They're broken. Geralt doesn't remember. And Yennefer's heart is aching. Nothing is as it's supposed to be."
Nenneke knew some things about the issue - mostly from Geralt, which proved to be a limited side of the story. She didn't want to ask for Yennefer's, and the latter wasn't in a rush to share.
"I don't suppose magic is ever a thing to play with when it comes to love," she grumbled, resuming her stroll. "But what's real will always stay. They've both been a pair of fools in how they handled each other - not much has changed there, I assure you. Which means you have hope to get back what you liked. If their love was real. Because there is nothing, my dear child, nothing that true love wouldn't fix."
"Have you ever been in love?" Ciri asked. She would never have dared such a thing as a child. But things were different now.
For the briefest of moments, there was a ghost of melancholy in Nenneke's face, but then it faded. "When you're young, you seek it everywhere, with every handsome face you see. But not everything survives the test of time and experience."
"There aren't many good men out there," Ciri said with sympathy. "Most of them are not like Geralt and Kain."
One of the many reasons Ciri would protect them both with her life.
Nenneke chuckled. "Geralt means well, but he can be an utter numskull when it comes to women he cares about. So it's all about perspective. Yours and Yennefer's are different."
"He doesn't rape." Ciri was absolutely certain about that. "That makes him better than most men I have met."
The remark held too much pain luggage, and it cut through the priestess's heart, but she didn't let Ciri notice to not make her dwell on that dark. She scoffed. "Many choose to not opt for cowardice like that, but it doesn't necessarily make them good. It merely makes them slightly better than animals. I don't believe it's high enough a standard for you."
"It isn't. But it certainly catches my attention." It was sad to say, but it was the truth. "I am leaving tomorrow," Ciri admitted. "I thank you for your kindness and hospitality. And your healing of Kain. I don't know how to repay you."
"I didn't do much for him," Nenneke admitted. "He's a medical mystery that likes to do things his way. You have nothing to repay, Ciri. I merely wish I could do more for you, provide more comfort than I managed. So you wouldn't run from here like it's a prison."
"Perhaps I will return one day. When it is safe." It was a beautiful idea. And Ciri imagined she would be a different person then - happy. And more put together. Like a proper adult.
Nenneke sighed with a sad smile, and brushed a strand of Ciri's hair behind her ear. "One day might never come. And yet today is when you're here. I'd rather you took the most out of it instead of waiting for some day."
She didn't wait for Ciri to object and walked on to the doors. The supper time was coming.
"Nothing else comes to mind," Geralt said when he and Kain stood on their balcony waiting for the stars to appear on the darkening sky. "I hoped for something more than a strange story of how I wanted to bribe her forgiveness with gemstones and Nenneke."
"Maybe nothing comes because you're waiting too eagerly. If you let it go-"
"Would she let it go, you think? I wonder if she'll get too fed up with it one of these days."
Kain studied him with furtive interest. "And then what? Leave you and Ciri behind?"
Geralt shrugged and kept silent.
"Would you want her to leave you be? No pressure, no expectations... no Yennefer..."
"Ciri needs her," he said for the sake of saying something.
"And you don't." Not a question, but an invitation to elaborate.
Geralt sighed. "It's even worse when I do and then don't know why. I want an explanation."
"You'll have to find it within, Geralt. There's no other way. No one will tell you more than you knew in your heart."
"Knew," he emphasized. "I don't know anymore."
"It's not a limb you lost forever. It's coming back. Don't rush it, just let it happen. Spend time with her and see if anything else comes through."
"What if nothing comes?"
Kain gave him a keen look, eyes narrowing. "You have to decide whether you're doing it for Ciri, or you're doing it for you. And then do what you need to." Before Geralt came up with an answer, he added with a sly smile, "Better do it now."
The Witcher followed his gaze to where a slender silhouette was moving gracefully across the front yard, her sword flicking like a silver spark under the half-moon. He sighed and headed for the door.
The guest room wasn't locked; the enchantress met him on the threshold before he knocked, and pulled him in, her perfume intoxicating as she kissed him.
Yennefer pressed herself to his chest, taking her frustrations with the situation out on Geralt's body, quickly stripping him of his clothes, riding him so hard that both were breathless and possibly bruised by the time they were done. There had been no love in the act, none of the overwhelming emotions that came after with all the unanswered questions, just exhaustion. She was tired of fighting. If not to understand their relationship or to hold onto it, then for Ciri. It was as if their doubts and troubles would never come to an end. Usually, Yennefer would find a solution, some way to navigate around what was wrong, but she had absolutely no idea what to do now or how to manage her daughter. If Ciri was possessed, she'd have to expel the magic inside her. If she wasn't… Yennefer would have to find another means of quietening that nasty voice and as Kain and Geralt had said earlier – there was a risk in that. She'd lose Ciri. Her trust.
Yennefer peered at Geralt sprawled out beside her. They'd moved all around the room, tainting every inch of Nenneke's guest room with their lust-fueled fury until eventually collapsing on separate beds.
"Are you coming with us in the morning?"
"It's not morning yet," he looked to her with a sly sneer.
Yennefer fixed him with an amused look and a half-smile and then let her eyes close for a few so she could calm her racing heart.
He feasted his eyes on her naked body, her curves and her amazing skin, her wonderful hair spilt around her head and shoulders in a disarray of curls that refused to loosen even after their extended interaction. It reminded him of Rinde once again. It refueled his desire. He smiled lazily.
"Ciri won't come here if I don't go."
"That might be for the best," Yennefer mused and opened her eyes, rolling over onto her side to rest her head on her open hand. "Maybe Kain will be able to get her to relax a little. She officially told me that their relationship is 'their' business."
Geralt threw his head back, laughing. "Would it teach you, though?"
"Of course not," Yennefer added with a laugh and a wag of her brows. "She's young, still new to the wiles of men and their flowery promises. Given that Kain is related to you, I don't doubt he has choice… charms."
"He has what?"
"Charms," Yennefer repeated. "Maneuvers he uses to snare his prey."
He gave her a mocking, incredulous look. "You suggest he snared Ciri like some little inexperienced girl?"
"One doesn't have to be little or inexperienced to be taken in by someone's appealing considerations. It's instinctual – a connection." A viewpoint that served Geralt and Yennefer's former relationship and the position they presently found themselves in.
"Ciri is young, but certainly not new to, as you put it, wiles of men. She knows what she wants and she seeks it. Kain, however, couldn't have snared her. It was the last thing he wanted."
"Are you trying to convince yourself of that fact… or me?"
Ciri was an attractive woman. To think that Kain upon first seeing her wouldn't have had some kind of interest for her was preposterous to Yennefer. That could have changed now, and his motives could be predominately innocent, but that didn't mean he hadn't lured her anyway. But like Ciri had so keenly reminded Yennefer, that was their business.
Yennefer lowered the arm propping her head to the covers and slid off her bed, moving to straddle Geralt on his.
"I'm assuming the reason you've come to my room was not because you wanted to revisit yesterday's nude adventure…" Yennefer began. "Or to discuss Ciri and Kain and who seduced who…"
"I don't have to discuss Ciri and Kain - neither seduced the other there. My goal was rather selfish."
"Did you achieve it?"
He smiled, pulling her down to him. "Not fully, no."
She caressed him, working him to hardness before guiding him into the warmth of her welcome body. Unlike the fury of prior coupling, the frustration that needed to be tended to, this time she planned to take her time, raising herself to come down on him slowly, repeating the movement over and over, savoring the way he made her feel capable of flight and contradictorily anchored.
He let her do it slowly, stroking his hands up her thighs and over her flat stomach, feeling her muscles tense and relax as she went. He admired her face and that strange softened expression that claimed it, framed with springy cascading curls.
Drawn in by the expression on his face, and despite what had happened by the hot springs, Yennefer had automatically opened herself to trying to see what he was thinking and if there was any noticeable crack in his emotional defense. He'd always been open before, even when he knew it was possible for her to read minds and that she did it. It was habit, it was her security blanket and with all this unknown happening around her, she greedily grappled at him with her lower body and her mind.
Geralt growled when his medallion tingled, and flipped her over onto her back, dismissing the whole nice-and-slow approach. His hips pistoning against hers with accelerating pace, he sneered down at her.
"Just can't help yourself, can you."
"No," Yennefer breathed out in a sort of gasp, fisting a hand into his hair, yanking on it to punish him even as her legs tightened around his waist, her hips furiously keeping pace with his thrusts. "No— I'm greedy, I've always been greedy."
He hissed at her grip and grinned. "I remember that." Her trick didn't slow him down, and he went for even more violent pushes, his lips claim hers in a no less violent kiss.
Her eyes swept closed and her tongue plunged into his mouth, blunt teeth fastening on his lower lip once they pulled apart to catch their breath. She pressed open-mouthed kissed to his jaw and the side of his neck, angling her lower body as needed until she could feel her belly tighten and tense, coming alive with electricity that had her muffle her cries of ecstasy into his shoulder.
He groaned into her hair and shoulder he had been kissing, then collapsed, panting and entangled. Two more candles burned out on the bedside table, dipping the room in darker shades.
"Stay with me tonight," Yennefer murmured against his ear once she could trust herself to speak clearly and the room had darkened slightly.
"Hmm." He wrapped his arms around her, nuzzling under her ear, basking in her scent. That magical scent...
She motioned a finger at the bed she'd abandoned, the blanket jumping from its place to cover them, burying the chill the nights tended to bring before she drifted off to a peaceful sleep.
It didn't take long for Ciri to realize Yennefer was not alone in their room. The sound of a ruckus had reached her even out in the hallway when she'd returned from her training, making her smile subtly. She didn't mind staying away if Yennefer reconnecting with Geralt was the reason.
Ciri made her way to Kain's room, slipping inside without knocking and relieving herself of her weapons. "My room is... occupied," she said as a means of explanation.
"I'm aware." He was still standing on the balcony with a cup of water in hand, sipping it languidly.
"Mind me being here?" Ciri asked, watching his back after having disposed of her weapons belt on the nearest chair.
He smiled subtly to himself. "Why would you think so?"
"You prefer to be alone," she pointed out, moving out on the balcony to perch on the railing.
He shrugged. "Some alone time is necessary. But being utterly alone at all times is hardly helpful."
"You never seek me out. I always have to find you." Another reason why Ciri felt uncertain if her presence was wanted or not.
She looked out over the scenery the view from the balcony offered.
"Do people ask you about us? You and me?"
He thought of Yennefer with another pang of shame.
"Happened a couple times." He gave her an amused gander. "Why, you're being stopped on the streets and chased for information?"
"Feels like it sometimes. They want every detail, even the ones I don't know myself yet."
He sipped his water, eyeing the stars. "Like what?"
Ciri frowned. "Feelings. Mine. Yours. They want me to put them into words. I don't always know how. And I'm not sure I should have to."
"No, you don't have to, because it's only yours and no one else's business."
"Except yours. When they are in regard to you."
He took another sip of water. "You believe it should be me asking you about it instead of every interested party out there?"
"Not if you are not interested." Ciri lowered her head a little, smiling despite herself. "Though I think I have been fairly clear about my feelings already. The difference is that, unlike the others, you don't have to speculate about what might be going through your head."
"It's not as sorted out in there as you might think."
She turned to look at him, surprised. "No?"
"No. We've had this conversation before, and I told you how reluctant I am to think about it. A witcher and a Brokilon spy aren't made for love and happiness." He finished his water and sent the cup floating through the air back to the table at the wall.
"But you won't give me a no either," she said. "That leaves me hoping. No matter how foolish."
He looked at her with some surprised uncertainty. "You want a solid no? Is it what you're waiting for from me?"
"If that is the truth of how you feel. If there is no interest other than friendship from your side, then it would be nice to know. Might spare me some hurt in the long run."
He pondered it, studying her face. It hurt, and he wasn't sure why.
"If I say I don't like you as a woman, it would be a lie," he admitted. "But I don't want you to get hurt. And you would be at some point. To spare you that, I'll tell you no."
"The only time I will accept you sparing my feelings, is if you know you do not want me." Ciri said, reaching for him, gently coaxing Kain to stand before her and between her legs. "Not because you are scared."
She looked up at him, pondering as well. "You like me as a woman. That is a good first step." Ciri was also very grateful he had not referred to her as a girl, as Geralt might have. "Do you like me as a person?"
The ache in his heart faded as caution seeped in. He reluctantly let her pull him closer, not liking how she turned it all around. It was no longer a no she was ready to accept.
"You can be rash and childish," he estimated honestly. "Your anger gets the best of you at times, and it's scary. And all of it is a shell around the real you that's reluctant to fully come out, because you forgot how to live without that shell. It's been keeping you sane and protecting you for too long, and you don't feel you can start to live yet."
None of what he was saying was untrue. Ciri knew. Knew it within herself. But it still hurt to hear aloud from someone she held in such high esteem.
"It's rare that I feel anger when I am with you," she admitted. Kain always seemed to have a calming effect on her. That wasn't truly why she liked him, though.
"But I don't think I can let it go until The Hunt is no longer our problem." She released him and slipped off the railing to stand. "Not sure I even want to. It's all I know. All I remember."
"What's the point of having your dream come true and finally get your family back when you don't let yourself fully enjoy it without restrictions and shells? They love you, you don't have to protect yourself from them with an armor."
Ciri tilted her head, not understanding. Or rather, unable to understand how everyone else didn't see what she did. "I don't have them back. They're broken. I'm broken. I can't be what they want me to. They want the girl – the child they knew so many years ago." Her brow furrowed the more she thought about it. "Geralt sent me away. Because I was angry and vengeful and unable to control my magic. That hasn't changed. It scared him. Must mean it still does.
And Yennefer, she wanted me to be a sorceress. And I can't be that either. Even if I wanted to.
"They searched for me for so long and when they finally found me..." Ciri gestured to herself. "This is what they got. A willful, spiteful woman who apparently does cruel things to survive. The way they look at me sometimes...
"All that time lost. What a disappointment it must have been." And as Ciri's sense of self-deprivation heightened, so did her anger flare. As if to prove what everyone was saying about her. Was she anything but volatile fury?
Her eyes watered and she turned away from Kain, hands clutching the railing with the same intensity Ciri had held on to Kelpie's stable door earlier. Only now her rage did not want to lash out and entrap others. It wanted to consume Ciri's worthless body and burn her away until there was nothing left.
He felt her pain. It was so intense it squelched his heart and made his chest tighten as if his ribcage aimed to gradually compress with every breath he took. It was impossible to be with it, and he was petrified for Ciri if it was what she felt nearly all the time.
He wanted to pry her off the railing, make her look at him while he assured her how wrong she was, but he didn't.
He stepped into her, his hands covering hers clasped to the railing, his front pressed into her back, his lips skimming her temple as he spoke.
"They're happy to have you back, Ciri. Neither could live without you, and no, they don't want the same girl which you're not. All they want is to make up for the time they lost with you and give you all the love they couldn't share while you were away.
"No one wants you to be anything you're not. They merely want to be with you. There's no other need than to love you, protect you, help you with anything you need. It doesn't matter how you view yourself - for them you're the best thing that ever happened. You're their Ciri."
Ciri squeezed her eyes shut, tears warm on her skin as they slipped down her cheeks. She'd initially tensed when Kain stepped into her, only because her every muscle had been clenched like a serpent ready to strike. But eventually, she relaxed, ever so slightly, letting his words soak into her.
After a minute, she managed to release her hold on the railing, fingers curling around Kain's hands instead, holding onto him like a lifeline.
She didn't speak. Didn't trust herself to. She simply took advantage of having Kain close and letting his calming energy try and soothe hers like a balm.
When her body let go of some tension, he wrapped his arms around her, fully embracing her against him, his eyes closing. He tried to soothe her pain while she seemed more accepting. More strain seeped into his chest, but he sensed her relaxing. He held her while she wanted to be held.
Ciri didn't know how Kain did it – if it was merely his presence that helped, or if he was actively doing something with his healing magic. Whatever it was, it did wonders. Much more than she would be able to do on her own.
When Kain held her, Ciri felt safe. She felt accepted. Everything she longed for.
But all perfect moments had to come to an end. She opened her eyes and inhaled deeply in a final effort to keep herself calm and cool, squeezing one of Kain's hand in gratitude.
"Thank you."
He planted a soft kiss to her temple. "You've never been a disappointment to anyone other than the Lodge. Don't forget it. Don't let your moods fool you."
She smiled, delighted at that declaration. "That disappointment I'm quite proud of. Not many had the courage to turn down The Lodge."
"For as long as they don't come up with how to punish you," he said, letting her go. "I don't expect Geralt to return - he would've by now. You should take his bed and sleep."
"Do you really prefer the floor or did you only say that because you worry about Geralt's old body?" Ciri asked with a hint of cheek, moving back inside the room.
"His body's not old. But he has his preferences while I'm used to sleeping on the ground. We both chose to switch."
He didn't follow her immediately, allowing her a bit of privacy to prepare for bed.
"If you say so," Ciri murmured, undressing of everything except her shirt. She slipped into bed and under the covers, trying to get comfortable.
"It's safe now."
"Safe?" he gave a soft chuckle, stepping back into the room.
"Yes. All my lady-parts are concealed." Ciri plumped the pillow beneath her, then lay down, turning her back on him to grant him the same privacy he'd given her.
"Dryads never thought they had to conceal anything," he said, pulling his boots off before lying down on the mattress. "Nor did druids."
"As you could tell by Geralt's reaction last night, I was raised differently."
"Geralt isn't shy like that himself, though. He merely didn't expect you to sneak into his bed. Had it been anyone else..."
"I know, I know, he'd have fucked her. Yennefer said."
"Not necessarily. Despite what Yennefer says."
"My point is, he didn't exactly encourage nudity. Nor did the people at court."
"It shouldn't be encouraged as a norm," Kain mused. "But one shouldn't feel ashamed to take off the clothes when it's called for it. Nothing shameful about it."
"I'm not ashamed. Not anymore."
"Scars were the reason?"
"No. They didn't help, but..." Ciri turned to lay on her back, looking up at the ceiling. "When you are told you're repulsive enough times, you eventually start to believe it."
He frowned, his eyes closed. "Who told you that? That man who scarred you?"
"Yes. He made sure I knew how disgusting I was. He never tried anything sexually, for that reason alone I think, for I know he had no problems with rape.
"But during my daily beatings, he would undress me naked. And after, he'd just sit and stare at my broken body for hours. To make the humiliation worse, I suppose."
Ciri shifted slightly atop the mattress, hands above the covers.
"And then, of course, there was King Auberon, who had to get high on fisstech just so he could stomach to touch me. It got to me, even if I tried not to let it. Women are taught their value is directly connected to their beauty. If you don't have it, you're worthless to the men."
He felt a bout of anger rising within him like bile in response to those who wronged her. He imagined Geralt lived with it every day, and in that light, his acceptance of her cruelty toward the elves was fair.
"Aen Elle are strange," he uttered quietly. "Their bodies are no different, except for minor details. The mere knowledge of our race they deem primitive must be the factor. Is Avallac'h the same?"
"To a certain extent," Ciri said after a moment's thought. "Though he never makes a point of making me feel ugly or repulsive.
"But I think you are right. Auberon didn't truly think me hideous. When he was dying he thought I was his daughter. And I think he loved her very much. They say I look like her. Could be why he couldn't... you know, complete the task."
"It might be why," Kain agreed. "Same as Geralt who couldn't accept you naked in bed with him, even by mistake. Probably why Emhyr let you go back then."
"I didn't want him to accept me naked in bed with him." Ciri scowled. "You do know that, yes?"
He had to laugh. "We both do. You should stop worrying about it."
"I have to make sure. Because it seems like you all think I had nefarious intentions."
"No one thought that," he objected, stifling a yawn. "You need to stop thinking that everyone thinks you're doing wrong things. It's in your head."
"Yes," she murmured, rolling over to get more comfortable and closing her eyes to try and sleep. "A lot of things going on in there."
He took a long, deep breath, pondering lazily how many more bad memories she couldn't let go of, until he slept.