Epilogue - 4 weeks later (part 2)
"-can't believe you did that! Madam Pince, is he-" Hermione asked worriedly.
"You're cursed, Hermione, it's the potion again." Ron insisted, gesticulating wildly.
She gave an exasperated sigh. "I'm not cursed, Ronald. I'm with him of my own volition."
She turned to the librarian, expecting a fight from Ron over her admission. "Is he alright?"
"You couldn't possibly be. He's Malfoy! Think, Hermione!" he said as his index finger jabbed his temple for effect.
She raised her voice. "I'm not cursed. I took the antidote!" She turned worriedly to Draco. "Look what you did, Ron!"
Madam Pince, bent over Draco, started to answer. "He'll be fine, he's-"
"How do you know you're not cursed again?" Ron threw his hands into the air.
"Because I'm not!" She stamped her foot in frustration. "I was completely aware that I was acting abnormally when I was cursed. For God's sake, I had to convince everyone else that I was cursed!"
"So. What."
Hermione should have known that logic wouldn't work with Ron when he was this worked up. She threw her hands up and let out an exasperated sigh. Undaunted by her frustration, Ron continued in his attempts to convince her.
"Malfoy didn't get caught the first time, so he did it again! Maybe with a variation of the potion!"
Hermione closed her eyes and counted to ten. "It's. Not. Him," she said evenly, punctuating each word.
"Of course it is!" Ron countered, like it was an obvious fact.
"What motivation would he have?" she asked him disbelievingly, her voice taking on a shrill tone. She glanced down at Madam Pince, who was still checking on Draco.
"Madam Pince, is he-"
"How can you be so sure it wasn't him?"
Oh for the love of…
"Because I am! It wasn't Draco!"
Ron stopped shouting abruptly at the ease in which she used Draco's first name and looked at her strangely.
"You know who it was."
Hermione closed her mouth and exhaled loudly through her nose, not wanting to confirm or deny his statement.
When did he get so perceptive?
"And you didn't tell us," he continued. "After all this time."
She looked down at her feet, and then back up at Ron. He looked betrayed.
"I took care of it," she answered, trying to avoid his accusation.
"So then you and Malfoy…" Ron paled. He looked like he was going to throw up.
"I…"
How could she even begin to explain? But she didn't have a chance as Ron was already storming out of the library.
Shit.
She was losing her friend too, and for what? Good sex?
Madam Pince called out that Ron would be receiving numerous detentions and that the Headmistress would have a talk with him. Hermione turned back to Madam Pince, leaning over Draco on the floor.
"He's out cold, Miss Granger. I'm taking him to the infirmary so Poppy can check him for a concussion but this isn't anything she can't handle."
Madam Pince levitated Draco and proceeded to walk down to the infirmary, letting Hermione know just exactly how disappointed she was in her behavior and stressing that she should also report to the Headmistress. They would deal similarly with Draco when he was well enough. Hermione looked down the hall. She could follow Draco down to the infirmary, or head back to Gryffindor Tower to attempt to patch things up with Ron. Right now, as he was awake and very upset, Ron took priority.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
"Ron!" she called to him from down the hall, and jogged to catch up to his long strides. "Wait!"
She chased him up to Gryffindor Tower and jumped back as he slammed the portrait door shut. She banged the door open amidst some huffing from the Fat Lady who exclaimed, "Well, I never!"
"Ron! Will you just listen-"
Abruptly, he rounded on her yelling, "Who was it?"
The rest of the Gryffindors in the common area immediately stopped their conversations and activities, all eyes drawn to the scene in front of them. They were starved for gossip, now that the war was over, and this looked to be especially good. All eyes were on Hermione.
"I promised I wouldn't tell."
His eyes widened. "You WHAT?"
Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Lavender fidgeting on the couch. She didn't dare turn to face her, knowing she'd give Lavender away, tempting as it was.
Bitch.
His bright blue eyes flashed at her. "Why in the hell would you do that?"
Every head followed the verbal volley back and forth like the audience of a tennis match.
"Because I-"
"Yeah, yeah, you promised, I got that. And now you're fucking Malfoy-"
Gasps resounded across the common room.
"Ronald!" she yelled, mortified. "That's none of your-"
"I don't even fucking know who you are anymore! Since when do we keep secrets from each other? After all we've been through? After all he's done? And now you're bloody shagging him?"
"Stop it, Ron," she pleaded. "Can we talk about this somewhere-"
"So you're protecting them because you can't get enough of Malfoy's dick?"
Gasps again, and a resounding smack as Ron's face jerked to the side. He pressed his hand to where she left a red handprint blooming on his cheek.
Hermione was livid, and she lowered her voice menacingly. "I don't care how angry you are, Ronald Weasley. You don't talk to me that way. Ever!"
Everyone was holding their breaths. Hermione thought she could hear someone munching on popcorn. A soft voice came out of the tense, silent common room.
"It was me," admitted Lavender.
More gasps, and all eyes traveled to the new participant in the live drama unfolding before them. Ron's eyes widened and he slowly turned to face Lavender.
"You?"
She approached him, steadily, but fearfully, and assented. Ron studied her for a minute, narrowed his eyes, and nodded, seeming to understand why she would do such a thing.
"That's… disappointing."
He turned to walk out the door. With tears in her eyes, Lavender tried to follow him.
He turned back and answered, "We're through." The portrait door slammed behind him.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Later that day, Hermione tried in vain to find Ron. It was difficult since she was also doing her best to avoid everyone else and their staring, judgments and questions that she didn't want to answer. Then again, he would also want to be away from people, and so the places that she would go to be alone might coincide with his.
She was sad, and hurt. But at the same time, she felt an immense relief that her fling with Draco was out in the open. She hated going behind her friends' backs. Even now that one of her closest relationships was crumbling around her, she felt strangely liberated. Her worst fears had been realized and it couldn't get any worse… she hoped.
Hermione and Draco had been seen together on various occasions doing schoolwork together, and so it was general knowledge that they had a working relationship in some form. Harry, Ron and Ginny teased her about putting up with his ferrety presence, oblivious to Lavender's knowing smirk. So long as she never countered the disdain her friends felt towards Draco, they seemed to reluctantly accept that she had a new study partner. They could tolerate her working with him, but she wasn't sure that they could tolerate her liking him, even in a platonic fashion. Now she knew for certain that Ron couldn't. She hadn't stayed long enough to gauge Harry and Ginny's reactions.
She would have preferred to tell her friends about her affair in good time and with a certain amount of preparation to soften them up (in the form of chocolate frogs, and a new Wizarding Chess set, and maybe tickets to the Quidditch World Cup). Until recently, she was actually planning on telling them. That was before she felt misgivings about her feelings for Draco, whether or not she could trust him because of how unsettling the beginning of their sexual relationship was, and his lack of feelings towards her. In the past few days, she considered ending the whole thing, thus making the revelation to her friends a moot point. The only mention the whole fiasco should have merited would be in a drunken admission two years from now. She'd have a laugh in a pub long after her feelings would have subsided.
Now, the proverbial shit that hit the fan and had to be dealt with. But she couldn't find Ron, and Harry and Ginny were most likely surrounded by people, and therefore couldn't be approached. Feeling guilty about Draco's injury, she plodded towards the infirmary, doing so under the guise of a Disillusionment Charm to avoid talking to people. Quietly approaching his bed, she looked down. The git was still unconscious, and she could see where Madam Pomfrey had healed his bruised eye. She looked down at him and involuntarily reached out to stroke his hair. Her hand paused in midair.
Much as she wanted to, much as she loved to, she shouldn't touch him. He didn't want her in the same way and she didn't trust him with her was a player. She had to let him go. No more sex, no more homework, no more teasing, no more games, no more post-coital conversations. She wouldn't be rude to him, she'd be cordial, but that would be it. She wasn't going to chase after someone who didn't want to be caught.
She sighed. Well, she should at least write him a note seeing as he got punched by her friend, in a fight over her.
Looking around to be sure that she was alone, she grabbed a paper and quill from Pomfrey's desk and scratched a quick note saying that he should know better than to let someone besides her smack him around. She smiled at the thought of his reaction when he would read it and was about to write something else when the smile froze on her face.
No more of this. Her stomach clenched and she felt her eyes sting as tears started to form.
Damn.
She was crying over Draco Fucking Malfoy.
She crumpled up the note in anger and threw it in the trash. She then scrawled out a quick apology and said that she hoped that he would feel better. She pondered over whether she should write that they needed to talk. Would he even consider what they had worth talking about? If he moved on to shagging someone else, would he talk to her about it before he dropped her? Or would he expect her to get the hint if he rebuffed her advances, albeit in that charming Malfoy way?
It would be the latter, she decided. Casual sex didn't constitute a relationship and therefore didn't merit being talked over. From her observance of Pansy's dejected and angry behavior around Draco before she stopped hanging around him, Hermione could surmise that he didn't see fit to inform Pansy when he dropped her. He may not be a bigoted prick anymore but he was still a prick.
She wiped her eyes and steeled herself. She was definitely doing the right thing. It was only a matter of time. Best that it be her to end it now, then for him to do it later.
Speaking of rejection, she wondered how Lavender was faring. Watching Lavender being humiliated in front of their entire house had made her feel guilty for indulging in revenge fantasies earlier. How quickly everything had turned around again. Instead of Lavender having everything and her having nothing, it looked like they were both at rock bottom.
Misery and company.
She placed her note down by Draco's bed stand and tenderly stroked his hair and jaw, brushing the pad of her thumb over his skin. She sighed. No more. Recasting her Disillusionment Charm, she headed back to Gryffindor Tower and walked into Lavender's dorm, which to her surprise was full of piles of folded and unfolded clothes and several trunks.
"You're leaving?" Hermione asked, shocked.
Lavender looked up at her, eyes red and swollen from crying.
"Yeah, I'm starting an apprenticeship in Belgium next week."
"I- what?" That was the last thing she expected Lavender to say. "In what?"
She smiled at Hermione and rubbed her nose. "I want to be a Healer… maybe."
Hermione's eyebrows rose. "I thought you were into Divination."
"Kind of. Pad and Pav were always more keen on Divination than I was. I don't know. I don't really know what I like anymore. I might as well give this a shot."
Hermione sat down on Lavender's bed, still surprised.
"It's so sudden. When did you set this up?"
Lavender bustled around her room. "I applied to several apprenticeships before the war because McGonagall wouldn't stop pestering me. Randomly, really. And this was one of them. I didn't intend to go. I just assumed that I'd do whatever Pad and Pav were doing," she smiled weakly at Hermione. "Or Ron. As it turns out, I got accepted to a few. But the one in Belgium starts in the middle of the school year. I'm starting to think that my break-up with Ron was a blessing in disguise. I need to learn to be more self-reliant."
Hermione nodded her approval. "Build a backbone." She smoothed out a few wrinkles in the duvet. Now that Lavender had lost Ron, most of her friends, and her reputation, Hermione wanted to help her.
"Don't you think that you're being too hasty? Ron just needs time to cool off. He's always been that way. Maybe finish out the school year? See if you can't patch things up? You could try another apprenticeship that starts at the end of the school year instead."
Even as she was suggesting it, she knew that it wouldn't happen. What Lavender did was pretty despicable. Hermione could forgive her, especially after seeing her reduced to this state, but she knew that Ron wouldn't.
Lavender gave her a condescending look. "How pathetic would I be to want to continue in a relationship with someone that loved somebody else?"
Hermione answered quickly, "That's ridiculous; I thought we'd already covered that."
Lavender smiled and shook her head. "We did."
Hermione stared at Lavender, not wanting to get into an argument, and then started to help her fold her clothes.
"Are you excited?"
Lavender let out a short laugh. "I'm scared shitless. I may be a Gryffindor, but I'm not such a brave person." She glanced up at Hermione. "Not like you. You do whatever you want; you don't care what anyone else is doing." She looked pensive. "You know, the only reason I came back for this final year was because of Ron."
Hermione helped her fold some of the clothes with a swish of her wand. "Do you know anyone there?"
"Nope. I- thanks." Lavender took the folded clothes and placed them in her trunk. "I'll have to polish up my French as well."
"Well," Hermione paused and gave her a steady look, "it certainly seems to me that you got sorted into the right house."
Lavender looked up at her in surprise and shock. "Thank you."
Hermione nodded and gave her a small smile. "So when are you going?"
Lavender swished her wand and the folded clothes were whisked into another case. "This evening," she said, "to avoid having to deal with everyone. They all hate me now."
She gave a short laugh and sniffed.
"So," she said, her tone changed to teasing, "tell me how things are with Draco?"
Hermione's face fell, she couldn't hide her sadness and disappointment. Lavender's eyes widened. "But I thought-"
Hermione shrugged. "He's not the kind to want a serious relationship."
Lavenders eyebrows rose. "Is that what you want?"
Hermione nodded. It felt good to confide in someone.
A crooked grin broke out on Lavender's face. Her mouth spasmed as she tried to prevent her involuntary smile from forming completely. She finally formed a serious expression to replace it, with effort.
"Sorry, but I still half-hate you," Lavender confessed.
Hermione laughed. Guffawed, even. Well, they had that in common.
Lavender flashed a set of white teeth. "Schadenfreude."
"Using big words now?" Hermione quipped.
"Yes, but they make my head hurt."
Hermione sniggered.
Lavender looked up at her. "Can you do me a favor and square things away with the professors? I'll do it by owl more officially later. I just don't think that anyone else would be willing to do it for me."
Hermione was surprised, but answered, "Of course. But what about Padma and Parvati?"
Lavender snapped her trunk shut. "They were just up here. They're disappointed, and it was a bit… weird. I deserve that. We're meeting at the Three Broomsticks tomorrow night though so I guess they don't want to throw seven years of friendship out the window. But I don't feel comfortable asking them for favors now. "
Hermione laughed. "But you feel comfortable asking me?"
Lavender smiled. "You understand. They don't."
The two stared at each other in silence.
Lavender looked a bit unsure of herself. "Um, do you want to come out with us tomorrow night?"
Hermione's eyebrows rose in surprise.
"Sure," she answered, and frowned at Lavender. She seemed a little too mentally prepared to be picking up and leaving for Belgium. She couldn't have decided to go just in the last few hours.
"You've been thinking about this for a while haven't you? You couldn't have decided to up and leave today. When did you start seriously considering the apprenticeship?"
Lavender gave her a smirk worth of Draco. "Ever since I Petrified you."
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Cursing herself for her lack of self-control, Hermione returned to the infirmary. Thankfully, Draco was already gone, saving herself from having to talk to him. She was torn between seeking him out to see how he was, and purposely not looking for him. Trying to decide what the proper course of action was, she chose avoidance. Harry and Ginny had said earlier that Ron may be out flying, the one place she wouldn't dare try and find him. She went to Quidditch pitch to see if there was a chance in hell that Ron would come down and talk to her.
In any event, it was a nice evening and it would be nice to get some fresh air. When she entered the pitch, she saw that Harry and Ginny were still up in the stands, watching the sun set, and went up to join them.
Bit by bit, she filled them in on everything that had happened, save the more raunchy details. She didn't want to know the ins and outs, so to speak, of their sex lives, and assumed they felt similarly.
Harry exhaled, "So, Malfoy, is it?"
Hermione answered, "Mm hmm."
Ginny looked thoughtful. "That's… inspiring."
"What's that?" Harry turned to her.
"Just put aside your pissing contest and think about it." Ginny gave him a look, and continued gesturing in the air.
"Malfoy is a pure-blood poster boy. His father was a Death Eater." She raised her index finger. "He was a Death Eater, and Hermione is one of the more famous Muggle-borns in wizarding England right now. If the two of them being together doesn't prove to you that the world is a better place from the war that we all fought," she paused for effect, "then what does?"
Harry grumbled something unintelligibly in the direction of his shoes.
"What's that?" Ginny asked pointedly.
"You're right, you're right," Harry agreed reluctantly. He then turned to Hermione. "But did it have to be Malfoy?"
Hermione sighed. "We're not even really together. No need to wax philosophic on what's just a short affair."
Harry snorted. "One can only hope."
She didn't want to talk about him anymore. She was done with him. Instead, she described Lavender's plans for Belgium.
"Good riddance," Ginny spat venomously, "I can't believe we were friends. You were right about her Hermione, you know? I should have trusted your instincts."
Hermione shook her head in disagreement. "No, actually, I wasn't. I didn't like her for other reasons. I never thought her willing or capable of pulling a stunt like that. You were right about me not giving her a chance."
"She's petty and vindictive," Harry argued, "and you can't trust her."
"No," Hermione said slowly, "you can't trust her. But we can't pretend that we're any better. We've all made mistakes, haven't we?"
Harry gave her a look of disbelief. "Nothing we've done even comes close-"
"Holding Rita Skeeter in a jar?" Hermione interjected. "That was kidnapping and blackmail."
Harry's face darkened. "She deserved it, and you had to so that-"
"Marietta Edgecomb still has scars," Hermione interrupted him. "I could have done something less painful and disfiguring."
"Deserved it," Harry answered with clenched teeth. Ginny nodded her agreement.
Hermione gave Harry a look and lowered her voice, "Draco still has scars."
Harry's face went gray.
Ginny looked at him in surprise, "What?"
"I didn't think it would…" His voice trailed off as he realized he had made Hermione's point for her and lost the argument.
"And neither did Lavender," Hermione finished. "She didn't think it through."
Harry nodded and looked down to his feet.
"Aside from the embarrassment she caused you, you could have seriously hurt someone," Ginny pressed, unwilling to let Lavender off the hook. "Ron was right to dump her. After what she did to you, who knows what she would have done to him?"
She looked disgusted with both Harry and Hermione.
Harry peered up at her, "I almost killed Malfoy sixth year."
Ginny's eyes widened. "What?"
Harry ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know why I never told you. It's not like I meant to hide it or anything, but it's not exactly a topic you bring up while eating your Mum's bread pudding, you know?"
"Surely you don't mean 'killed,'" Ginny protested.
Harry turned to her. "If Snape wouldn't have been there, Malfoy would have died."
He stood up and took her hand. "Come on, Ginevra, I'll tell you about it on the way back to the castle."
They started down the stairs.
"Are you coming, Hermione?" Harry asked.
She shook her head, "No, I'll wait for Ron to come down."
Ginny paused halfway down the stands and turned around. "Don't bother waiting for Ron. He needs a long time to cool off."
"Yeah," Hermione replied sadly.
Harry tugged on her hand and Ginny pulled away, irritated.
"You're my friend and I won't forgive her for what she's done to you. I don't care how you and Harry are rationalizing this away, and I don't care what kind of sob story she has."
"Ginny-" Harry tried to calm her down but was interrupted.
"Even if she didn't mean for anyone to get hurt, she meant to humiliate you. Even if she didn't understand the full extent of what the potion would do. And for that, she can go fuck herself."
Hermione let out an exasperated sigh and then smiled. You can't win them all, but Ginny's loyalty felt good, and Harry was still her friend. She felt more optimistic about her prospects for repairing her relationship with Ron.
As they walked away, she listened to their footsteps echo down the bleachers and watched the twilight turn into night.
Ronald Bilius Weasley.
They'd been in fights before. But they'd also been much closer than they were now. Their relationship was a bit more distant since they had that infamous talk. Was this the same kind of fight? How would she handle him?
She thought about the situation. Ron had always hated Draco. Hated his whole family. The feeling was mutual and extended to their parents' generation and possibly even before that. They were rivals in school, in Quidditch, and in society due to their different backgrounds and monetary resources. They were on different sides of the war, and after the Malfoys had defected, Ron had resented them regaining their high status after receiving what amounted to a slap on the wrist for all prior illegal activities.
They had different friends, different houses, different worlds, and now Draco was encroaching on Ron's domain. Yes, Draco was essentially walking where Ron had peed. She rolled her eyes.
All this really boiled down to was penises.
She had a nagging thought in the back of her head that according to her theory, Harry should have acted the same. Both Ron and Harry could be incredibly irrational at times, especially in regards to the Malfoy family. But in this case, Harry's reaction was much more subdued. Then again, it wasn't his girlfriend who had made the Lustfarae potion. And it wasn't Harry who had walked in on a snogging session. Furthermore, Harry might have mixed feelings about the Malfoys as a whole since he almost killed Draco and Narcissa had saved his life.
Confident that she had a sufficient understanding of the situation, Hermione knew that she could calm Ron down and they'd be friends again. Maybe not tonight, but eventually. Especially if she told him that she was ending her tryst. She sat staring at the stars for a bit more, and tried to see if she could catch a glimpse of him flying. But it was too dark. She waited some more and almost laughed about how despondent she was earlier. She'd get Ron back. And things would be as they always were.
It was unfortunate about Draco, but that was life. You can't always get what you want. It was best to end it early. She felt her sadness return at the thought of him. As she stood up to leave and turned towards the exit of the bleachers, a rush of air ruffled her hair as a rider on a broom sped past her. She watched Ron's silhouette land a few rows away and approach her.
She stared at him, unsure of what to say.
"Can I sit?" he asked.
"No," she said. "This seat's taken."
"Heh." He chuckled mirthlessly as he sat down next to her, resting his arms on his knees and staring at his hands.
Hermione took a deep breath. "Look Ron, I'm sorry. I really am. Lavender and I had just started becoming friends, and I didn't want to ruin it, and I know that it was wrong to keep it from all of you, especially from you, but I-"
"Why not me, Hermione?"
All the blood rushed to her face.
"What?" she said, hoping she had heard wrong.
His voice sounded like his chest was aching. "What's wrong with me? Why couldn't we have worked out?"
Her lips parted, and she wished she was anywhere in the world but here.
Lavender was right again.
"Ron, we've already had this conversation, I do love you, but I love you-"
He cut her off. "Yeah, like a brother. I know."
She turned to him; he was still staring at his hands. "I'm sorry, Ron."
He dismissed her with a wave of his arm. "Don't apologize."
Neither of them said anything for a few minutes, and the silence was awkwardly tense. She wondered if things between them could ever be the same again. If she were honest with herself, she would be able to admit that she and Ron hadn't been the same ever since the first time they'd had this conversation, last summer after the war. At the time, she had blamed their distancing on his relationship with Lavender.
Well, at least it couldn't get any worse.
His voice cut through the quiet. "Why Malfoy?"
She was wrong.
His voice rose. "What does he have that I don't? Besides money and being a right bastard?"
She thought this would be the wrong moment to point out that Draco most certainly wasn't the only bastard in the near vicinity.
"Ron, don't do this to yourself."
He exhaled and ran a hand through his wavy red hair.
The two of them sat on the stands in the starlight. She wanted to comfort him, but didn't feel that it was her place now. Comfort shouldn't come from her anymore. Not when he felt this way about her and she didn't return it.
"It hurts, Hermione, it really does."
"I know."
"No," he said as he turned to her, "you don't."
"Would it really be any better if I was with someone like Neville or Seamus?"
He studied her. "Yes. At least then I'd know that I'd lost you to a person that…" He shook his head, disgusted.
She opened her mouth to apologize, but closed it. She just didn't know what to say.
He clenched his hands, "If I could just show you…"
He took her hands in his. She looked down at his masculine fingers prodding her smaller ones. As friends, they should be able to physically touch, but it just didn't feel comfortable anymore, none of it.
She looked up at him and almost jumped back from the intensity in his bright blue eyes.
"Let me kiss you."
Panicked, Hermione looked at his mouth, and then into his eyes again, which were desperate with longing for her. Any girl would be thrilled to be on the other end of that gaze, but she just wanted to crawl out of her skin.
"Ronald, I-"
And he was there. He was everywhere; his hands cupping her face, fingers threading into her hair, and his mouth pressing against hers. He was hungry. He was needy. His mouth was warm and soft, and his fingers clutched at her. It was his last chance to show her everything that he felt for her and he was trying to win her over with this kiss. She didn't want to encourage him, but at the same time, she didn't want him to think that he hadn't given it his all and that this attempt should be repeated.
She responded weakly, and opened her mouth, causing a tidal wave of his need to wash over her. The strength of his passion brought tears to her eyes because she knew it was utterly wasted on her. He pressed against her, kissing her with everything he had. He was a good kisser, a great kisser. But that didn't take away from how very wrong all of this felt.
Slowly, he pulled away from her, his breath hot against her mouth, and pressed his forehead to hers. He gripped her upper arms as he raised his head to stare at her, to judge her reaction. He panted with the exertion of his kiss, and the excitement that he felt.
If only she could accept what he was offering her. She closed her eyes so that her tears wouldn't fall and embarrass him, and shook her head slowly.
He abruptly let her arms go and turned away.
"Bugger!" he shouted into the night, his voice echoing over the pitch.
He held his head in his hands. Hermione watched him, not knowing what else she could do, and just waited for his breathing to slow down. She wanted to hug him, but was afraid he'd take the gesture the wrong way.
She didn't know what to do.
His voice came, strained, from between his hands. "Why not me?"
His hurt made her heart ache for him. "It won't work, Ron."
"What if you would change your mind-"
"I won't," she said, trying to make her shaking voice sound firm. "We gave it shot, remember? We tried. You have to move on."
Ron stood up and looked down at her, his blue eyes glistening in the moonlight.
"I… I don't think I can do this. I can't keep being around you and feeling this way."
Her stomach dropped.
God. Was this it? Was this the end of their friendship? She hoped that it wouldn't stay this awkward between them forever. Could they still be friends tomorrow? Next week? Next month? She choked back a sob and suppressed the need to cry. She didn't know how to fix this.
Hermione looked back at him, wishing that she could say or do something to bring things back to how they were before, but she had to respect his way of coping and protecting himself. Even so, she couldn't bear the thought of them not being friends anymore. She made to reach out to him, and then stopped herself.
"Can't we just…"
Ron shook his head.
"Hurts too much." He turned to go and then paused as if he was going to say something.
His voice became husky. "I'll always love you."
She felt tears forming and struggled to keep them in. They fought a troll together. He had sacrificed himself in a Wizarding chess game for her and Harry. They fought together in the Department of Mysteries. They fought Death Eaters in Hogwarts. They hunted for Horcruxes together and they fought side by side during the Second Wizarding War.
"Me too," she whispered.
Ron continued to stare at her for a few minutes more, as if reassuring himself that he had done everything that he possibly could. His blue eyes glittered in the starlight, and their intensity chilled her to the bone. She shivered. He gave her a half smile, mounted his broom and kicked off. Hermione watched him disappear into the darkness, and an empty feeling spread in the pit of her stomach. She sighed and stared up into the night, and felt the warm tears she had been holding back leak out of her eyes, leaving trails down her cheeks. The best thing she could do with Ron was to let him go. Maybe he would come around, eventually. Things would be strained for a while, she guessed. They had mutual friends, so they would still see each other. Or maybe they wouldn't, if he decided to go out of his way to avoid her. It felt hopeless.
She started to climb down the stands, feeling slightly sick to her stomach. She'd lost Ron, and she'd never really had Draco.
Stupid, fucking men.
At least she still had Harry and Ginny. Maybe if she had handled this whole thing differently, they would be okay. If only she had been more careful about her dalliances with Draco, Ron wouldn't have had to find out in such a harsh way. Over time, maybe he would have come to love Lavender as much as he did her, perhaps even more so. She shook her head. Would've, could've, should've… this was the situation now, and it was heartbreaking.
Hermione ducked under the guard rail of the last stand and climbed down the ladder.
She smiled grimly at her self-imposed ignorance. She had been naïve to think that they could stay friends after all that had happened between them. Feelings that strong don't disappear so quickly – or so simply. Look at how upset she was over Draco, and what she felt for him wasn't nearly as strong and complex as what Ron felt for her. Ron had really fallen hard. He had pined for her, even while he was with Lavender, who was only serving as a distraction.
And Lavender knew the whole time. She shook her head in disbelief. No wonder Lavender hated her.
Hermione jumped down from the last rung. Her feet hit the grass with a soft thud, next to a much larger pair of feet. She startled, and gave a yelp of surprise.
"Hermione."
Blond hair and gray eyes glinted in the moonlight. Draco was leaning against the bleachers' support pillar, hands in his trouser pockets.
Men were like food. Anything looking that good was, without a doubt, bad for you. He was a player, he was playing her.
He looked agitated, and his eyes were pained. How long had he been here? Could he hear from down here? Sadly, she realized it didn't matter anyway.
"Oh, hi." Seeing him made her want to cry all over again. "How's your head?"
"It's fine now. You were angry earlier and…" He looked as if he were choosing between several different things to say. "I thought you'd want to talk about what happened in the library."
Hermione tried to inconspicuously wipe away her tears. He raised his eyebrows slightly and his voice turned soft. "You're crying over the Weasel?"
"Also," she answered, looking at the ground next to his shoes.
"Even though you don't love him?" His eyebrows came together and he exhaled sharply. He cupped her chin in his hand and turned her face up to look at him. "Fuck. I don't care if it was a pity kiss. Don't go snogging other people, okay? Especially him."
So he had seen. And heard.
Her unrequited feelings for Draco caused a flare of belligerence.
"Why do you care who else I snog?" she asked flippantly.
His gray eyes studied her hazel ones, and his hand dropped from her face. She could tell he was choosing his words carefully. "I had assumed we weren't seeing other people. Did I assume wrongly?"
She didn't blink and used his tactic of answering a question with a question. "Are we even seeing each other?"
Draco's lips formed a thin line. She could tell her question made him nervous. They hadn't talked about the status of their relationship, whatever it was, since she asked him what they were four weeks ago. He was reluctant then to talk about it, and he was reluctant now, which didn't bode well. Was he nervous because he wanted to continue fucking her without attachment or was he nervous because he wanted something more, like she did? He could hear the ultimatum in her voice and took a few measured breaths before answering.
"Do you want something more?"
There it was. The Slytherin had completely avoided her ultimatum and placed the onus of admitting to feelings, or the lack thereof, on her.
Her heart pounded against her ribcage and her stomach fluttered with nervous excitement. If she admitted that she did, would he string her along until the novelty of fucking her wore off? Now that they've spent so much time together, did she even trust him with her feelings? Their whole relationship started because he took advantage of her while she was under the influence of Lustfarae and that made her extremely uneasy. His grey eyes glittered while he watched her mull over her answer. She didn't know the answers to anything. And yet, despite their rocky start, he was always honest with her, wasn't he?
She summoned her courage. If she could face Bellatrix, she could face her smirking nephew.
"We should go on a date."
Draco stared at her and let out the breath he was holding. A slow smile gradually graced his features, and moved closer to encase her in his arms. He wanted more too!
"We should," he agreed, looking down at her more happy than she could ever remember seeing him. "We need a little more variety than homework and sex in the library."
"And broom closets." She felt like singing and couldn't keep the smile from her face.
Rolling his 'L', he said, "Locker room."
Hermione flushed at the memory and Draco squeezed her bum roughly. Clearly more confident with this form of communication.
"Fourth floor alcove," she countered.
"Oohhh." His lips pursed and his fingers probed the skin of her stomach between the bottom of her blouse and top of her skirt. He looked down at her chest and then met her eyes again.
With a sultry voice, he said, "Empty transfiguration classroom."
She gulped and he grinned wolfishly down at her. He had been downright scary that time. Hermione's skin was tingling as his fingers explored higher, under her shirt, teasing her.
She looked at him devilishly. "Astronomy tower."
Draco chuckled and dug his fingers into her skin. "That was a true display of deviance, Granger. Even by your standards."
"Maybe my standards have changed," she purred.
Draco fingered a wave of her hair and looked down at her with hooded eyes.
"Do your friends know how evil you are?"
He reached down and laced his fingers through hers. It was so much better knowing that he did, indeed, harbor feelings for her.
All that needless frustration!
She punched his arm. "Why didn't you say anything? I thought you just wanted me as a fuck buddy."
"Ow!" He rubbed his bicep and looked down at her. "I did!"
She punched him again. "Ow!"
He glared at her in warning.
"I could feel what was growing between us," he raised an eyebrow suggestively at his innuendo. "I thought we were heading in a more serious direction. We've had some fascinating conversations in the library. I thoroughly enjoy your company." His eyes crinkled in amusement. "And the sex is okay."
She laughed.
"Yes," she agreed jokingly. "The sex is adequate."
"I didn't want to push my luck. I was afraid I'd scare you off," he said with a shy half-smile. "Sometimes I still can't believe you even talk to me."
She couldn't keep her grin from spreading from ear to ear and she felt a gentle warmth in her chest.
Slytherin.
"Eh, you're tolerable," she quipped, trying and failing to show that she absolutely wasn't affected by his demeanor. He had such a way with words.
"Good to know you're able to suffer my presence," Draco answered dryly, still with a smile. "Why didn't you say anything if it bothered you so much?"
She furrowed her brow. "Well, it all seems really stupid now, doesn't it?"
"Or maybe it's just you that's stu–" He caught her hand and twisted it behind her back before she could land a third punch on his arm.
"Not this time, Granger." He glowered threateningly over her. "Are you looking for trouble?"
Hermione answered coyly, "I wouldn't be with you if I wasn't." Her playful expression turned serious. "I saw how you treated Pansy. She was really hurt. I'm not her friend but even I could see that. I didn't want to put myself in that position."
He looked taken aback, "But Pansy was just some fun."
She stared at him pointedly, "Did she know that?"
He narrowed his eyes at her, "She should have, I never asked anything of her."
"And yet she hoped," Hermione pressed him.
"Possibly."
"Possibly?"
"Hermione," he reached to draw her into an embrace. "She's not you." The length of his body closed in on her and she felt encased by his heat.
Hermione looked up at him skeptically and his eyes gleamed devilishly. He was positively dripping with that Slytherin charm.
He cracked a smile and lowered his head to kiss her. "Jealous?"
"No," Hermione whispered. "But you led her on."
His head paused in its descent, slightly uncomfortable with where the topic was heading. "I never lied to her."
"There's a world of difference between simply not lying and actually being honest."
He smirked and leaned down further to brush her lips with his and tightened his embrace. "Reading the Slytherin handbook, I see?"
What did she expect? This was part of Draco's allure. He was Slytherin's Sex God. He was a complete and utter git. Devious. Manipulative. An insufferable prat. Dangerous. The Resident Bad Boy corrupting Gryffindor's Princess and every other sexy cliché that came to mind. In a word, he was trouble, and didn't she just say that's what she was looking for?
He could charm his way into the knickers of nearly any female and he had charmed his way into hers despite having used unethical tactics in which to do so. And now, he had captured her feelings as well. They had chemistry, both intellectual and sexual, and they connected on a deeper level, a connection they had been tentatively exploring over the past few weeks. But that didn't change the fact that Draco Malfoy had more red flags than the Gryffindor stands at a Quidditch match. While she didn't let that bother her when they were just fooling around, they would become important for a meaningful relationship.
She steadied herself, not wanting his hot breath on her mouth or the budding coil of her desire to distract her.
"Did you ever make it clear that you weren't interested? Or did you just enjoy the benefits of her thinking that you were?"
His lips turned down and his voice lowered as his head backed away from hers. "Why do you care so much?"
While Draco's voice lowered when his temper rose, Hermione's voice increased in volume.
"Because I want to know what I'm getting into!"
His nostrils flared and she felt the muscles of his arms clench around her. This wasn't playful anger anymore. It was real.
"I'm not one of your sodding Gryffindors, Granger," he said icily. "What exactly is it that you think you're getting into?"
"I don't know!" her voice rose and she broke away from him. All her fears and worries about him and their relationship started bubbled to the surface. "You had sex with me at a time when I couldn't say no!"
He winced.
"Twice!"
"But you enjoyed it."
"Of course I did!" she cried, gaining steam. "Does it make what you did any less wrong?"
His brows furrowed, clearly conflicted and he reached out to draw her close again. "Yes. Because I didn't force you. I knew you wanted me. I knew you would want-"
She had all this uncertainty about him, how he felt about her and whether or not she could trust him with her feelings; but couldn't quite find the words to specifically name the reason as to why. And then it hit her. She put a name to what had been bothering her all along.
"Lustfarae is a rape drug, Draco."
She said it. She defined it. She couldn't take it back now and it felt like a huge weight was removed from her shoulders.
He blanched, his hand dropped like lead, and she saw him struggle to swallow. "Yes it is," his voice caught in his throat. "But you're happy with how things turned out now. I may have taken advantage, but I didn't rape-"
"Yes, I'm happy with how things turned out. And yet," she continued relentlessly, "you pushed me when I said 'no', until I couldn't say 'no' anymore. Because I was under the influence of a rape drug. What else would you call it?"
He staggered back a step, opened his mouth, but had nothing to say and closed it. Clearly he was troubled by her reasoning, and visibly upset. He looked to the side and then down directly at her. His voice lifted, taking on a tone she had never heard before from him. "I'm sorry."
She studied him. It was these rare moments of honest vulnerability that showed his potential and encouraged her to overlook his treatment of women. She reached out to lace her fingers in his. He looked down at their hands, confused. "You still… want me?"
She pulled him closer and he instinctually wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on top of her hair. "Very much so," she spoke into his chest.
She felt him sigh in relief and breathe steadily for a few minutes, deep in thought.
"Merlin, Granger," His voice sounded raw. "We haven't even gone on a date yet. Is this what it takes to be with you?"
She sighed and listened to his heartbeat. "I raped you too, you know. That time in the library. You were also affected by Lavender's prank."
"You didn't know what you were doing." His voice rumbled in his chest against her cheek. "I did."
She nodded silently in agreement, enjoying the feeling of his embrace and relieved that he was now bothered by the rocky start of their relationship as much as she was.
"Hermione?" His voice became husky.
"Mmm?"
He tipped her chin up with his fingers, and brushed her lips with his thumb. She felt her heart pounding against her ribcage and looked up into his eyes pensively.
"Why didn't you say anything after all this time?"
She thought about her answer. "I was still coming to terms with it myself. It was confusing because after the fact, I wasn't sorry it happened. Any of it. And I wanted you. And I enjoyed it. But none of that changed the nature of what your actions were. And…" She bit her lip and looked to the side. He turned her face back so he could meet her gaze.
"And?" he prodded her gently.
"I guess I was scared to bring it up," she whispered. "And scared of what that meant about how I feel for you."
Draco jerked his head back, looked at her incredulously, and burst out laughing.
Hermione couldn't help but smile, his laughter was infectious, and broke the somber mood between them.
"What?"
"Scared?" Draco repeated in disbelief. "You're Hermione fucking Granger!"
She blushed under his admiration and felt another wave of happiness and relief wash over her. He lightly dragged his thumbs along the skin of her upper arms, making her tingle up and down and she shivered. She loved the feel of his desire and felt more secure in how he felt about her, and the potential of a serious relationship with him.
"So," he gave her an evil grin, "you're scared of me?"
She dismissed his claim. "Not in this lifetime. I know where you're ticklish."
He was hiding a smile. "A simple counter spell takes care of that."
"Oh? Did you get that to work?" She tried to sound nonchalant.
Bollocks!
He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her in close.
"Don't worry, I'll take it easy on you."
She snorted. He would do no such thing.
He continued, "I'll even let you decide where we go for our first date, since my impending victory has me feeling generous."
"You're on borrowed time, you know." She would find a way to counter his… counter-spell.
"Maybe so, but I'll enjoy it."
Hermione smiled as the butterflies in her stomach abounded, and she turned to face him.
"Lavender is leaving Hogwarts. We're meeting at the Three Broomsticks to say good-bye tomorrow. You should come, and we'll stay afterwards, just the two of us."
"Lavender, yeah," Draco grinned. "I still owe her a box of chocolates."
-fin-
Chapter End Notes:
And that's that! I hope everyone likes the ending, I tried to wrap everything up and answer some of the problems that people had with the original story, which was written before the #Metoo movement happened.
A big thanks to my betas for their /
Thank you all for reading, thank you all for reviewing, and keep an eye out for the continuation of my vampire!Draco fic, which I am finishing up.