Taking in a long breath, he stepped aside to let the lord in. He closed the door quickly behind them so that no one else could hear their imminent conversation. Ned moved to stand next to Lyanna, seeing that the lord was watching her up and down, keen interest on his face.
"I was surprised when I heard who she was… so surprised that I couldn't believe that the Honorable Eddard Stark had taken up a paramour." Umber stopped speaking and filled himself a goblet of wine. Content with his drink, a smile bristled his face. "But when you started to fight those Southerners in the Throne Room, I knew right then and there who you were!"
"I'm sorry, my lord," said Lyanna, trying to be innocent. "But I don't understand what exactly you're implying."
"Oh, I think you do, Lady Ceri," pressed Lord Umber.
"Lord Umber," Ned said, clearly not liking where this conversation was going. "I don't know why you're here, but clearly your presence is making my lover–"
"Oh, cut this horseshit, Stark, will you!" Umber exclaimed. "I know who she is…" he said, his eyes locking onto her. "I've seen you kick your little brother's arse all the time whenever your father beckoned me for summits at Winterfell."
Neither Ned nor Lyanna knew how to counter this; evidently, Umber could see through the facades that they were playing. The Great Lord paused. "I have no fucking idea how you managed to cheat death, nor how you deceived everyone with this look, but I know that you're the She-Wolf."
Ned looked at Lyanna and signaled her to revert to her natural appearance. She did; a second later, Lyanna launched like a rocket from her seat, gliding towards Umber, a dagger surging like the wind in her hand.
"Ceri!" Ned chided, using her fake name.
Umber laughed, signaling Ned that it was quite alright—he knew the She-Wolf well; she was too smart to kill a highborn lord. In fact, he looked amused. This Northern goddess was a warrior, holding a blade to his throat.
"How many men have you killed so far?" he asked with interest.
"A good amount," she replied, no emotion present in her voice. "You saw me cut three men down in the Throne Room. Is that enough to prove my worth?"
Umber nodded with excitement, but with two fingers, he pushed the blade to the side. "Impressive, you've improved… Let me guess, Rhaegar trained you, didn't he?" No response came. "Did you start fuckin' him at Harrenhal?"
"I will not answer those questions." She said with a wolf-like snarl, whipping back around and sitting down once again. He did the same and began to drink from his goblet.
"If it makes you feel better, I don't blame you entirely for the shit storm that followed that tourney… but the next time you say fuck it and runoff, tell someone? Maybe it will help stay a war."
"I tried."
"I bet you did, but this war still fuckin' happened, my lady."
Lyanna looked at her dagger. "This war was destined to happen. Truly you know that?"
"Aye, I'll agree with you on that. Aerys was one crazy cunt! I just wished things didn't get so crazy, so quickly."
"We all did," Ned said, speaking up again.
"Lord Umber, as your liege lord, I am politely asking you to keep this a secret. For her safety as well for her-"
"Is he trueborn?" he inquired, looking past their shoulders at the sleeping babe on the bed. Lyanna's front teeth sank into her bottom lip. "Yes, he is." The mighty lord nodded. "Alright then, you're little secret is safe with me. House Umber has been House Stark's right-hand man for the last millennium… We have never broken faith with you before, and we will not break faith with you today."
Ned nodded graciously, and once more, his heart began to calm. The three adults then began laughing.
"Thank you, my lord," Ned said.
The Great Lord nodded as he chugged the wine down as if it was ale. "That piss those Southron's call wine tastes like shite!" he griped. "Us northerners need a fuckin' proper northern drink!"
Lyanna and Ned looked at each other before they looked back at Umber. Ned let out a cough. The man was like a fun uncle to him, and he was a great company, but the day had grown late. "My Lord, I'm glad that you are here, but we are tired… is there another matter that needs to be discussed?" asked Ned. "Aye, Lord Stark," said Umber, "there is."
"What is it then?" Lyanna asked, leaning back in her chair.
"I'd think it be good for the North if we manipulate the Stag even further."
At the first light of dawn, the highest nobles of the North, the Westernlands, and the Stormlands gathered at the Iron Throne foot. A table, twenty feet long, had been set up by the servants only an hour prior. At the faction in front of the symbolic chair were his grace Robert Baratheon and his closest allies. At the faction facing the tyrannical monstrosity were Ned Stark and his most trusted bannermen. Last night, Robert had been coronated. While no one there knew what the future had in store, everyone present already had a feeling that today was going to be a day that would change the political landscape in Westeros forever.
Despite the capital's heat, Ned rested his fists on the table, trying his best to look intimidating at his adversaries before he conveyed his terms.
"That's enough!" roared the Old Lion, getting up from his chair after Ned presented his terms. "These terms are a travesty! You cannot demand such high compensation for a slight to a bastard whore!"
"Bastard she may be, but she's a daughter of the North, Lannister!" said Lord Umber.
Lyanna silently agreed as she looked at Ned. He was about to erupt.
"She is not a whore!" Barked her brother. "She is my lover, my paramour, and the mother of my child, Lord Tywin!" If Tywin was surprised at how angry the Quiet Wolf had gotten, he didn't show. "For you, this may not be important, considering the way you treat your dwarf of a son!"
"Damn you, Stark!" Shouted the Golden Boy of House Lannister, but Ned ignored the Kingslayer and continued to speak. "For me, my lover and my son being insulted by the royal court is a slight that cannot be forgotten! That alone demands compensation!" He said tersely; stopping, he glanced at her and Lord Umber. They nodded encouragingly before he turned to face the Great Lion. As Lya's eyes moved around, she saw Cersei glare at her with hatred. "But why am I speaking to you of this matter? You are the Warden of the West, Lord Tywin, but you are not the king. Speaking of which, why are you, your son, and your daughter even doing here?"
The Old Lion released a lion's growl. "We are here, Stark, because my daughter is the future queen of the Seven Kingdoms!"
Ned began to laugh. "That's amusing, my lord, very amusing. You're basically admitting to throwing your daughter into Robert's bed!" He said, trying to get under Tywin's skin. "What a great plan, and what a great house you have! And you think you can judge me on my paramour and my son! No, I think not, and that's hypocrisy, considering that you have a dwarf, a Kingslayer, and a pretty girl that you'll whore around if that means getting your blood on the Iron Throne!"
The Lion never snapped under such insults, but the Wolf had strung a nerve. "You dare insult my house!"
Ned pressed his lips, refusing to back down. "Aye, I dare to insult your house! Your house, which will now be remembered for raping innocent women, butchering children, and for sacking cities!" He hissed before he turned his attention to Jon Arryn. "If you want peace, Jon; if you want peace, Your Grace, accept my terms."
"We will!" the drunk beast grumbled, standing up to give his verdict. "You will no longer be required to pay taxes to the crown, you can decide on your own tariffs for the rest of us southerners, and for the rest of world, you can construct your own fleet, and you can have the entirety of the Crown's vaults for what Aery did to your brother and father and for what Rhaegar did to Lyanna."
"This is madness!" Tywin yelled. "You'll bankrupt the crown!"
While Lyanna at the moment wanted nothing more than letting the Stag's crazy plans crag his own downfall, she too agreed. If Robert gave away the entire crown's value, the highest lords and ladies would have a field day with his rule; if it wasn't clear before, it was clear now that the man was not fit to be a king.
Robert began laughing. "Oh, good father! I am not bankrupting the crown! I am making the crown rich! But don't be sad, you will not have to pay taxes to the crown either! In fact, no one ever has to pay taxes ever again!"
Tywin and Cersei turned to egg whites. Their faces couldn't believe what had just happened! The current king had not only given the crown's fully-stocked riches away to a potential adversary but his new "no tax policy" was madness! In fact, Robert Baratheon's rule had begun with madness!
Lyanna and Umber began to laugh at the king's foolhardy aspirations; Karstark and Mormont soon joined in. In seconds, Robert, Lyanna, Umber, and all the Northern Lords began to laugh. This man had given away the crown's entire power to the North! What made it even better was that the Northern Lords began shouting "Robert! Robert! Robert!" repeatedly as the king's face shined with crazed pride. Lyanna and Umber's plan to manipulate the Stag hadn't just worked, and it had worked beyond their fantasies. The only people who weren't happy with the situation were the Lannisters, the Falcon, the Spider, and the Grand Maester.
Yet the Mockingbird beamed.
The next day, Ned and Lyanna's ship awaited them in the harbor.
The Northern Army had already begun its march North under Lord Bolton and Lord Umber's command, but they were still waiting for Robert to bring them the coffers, and as they did, the She-Wolf looked at the Quite Wolf.
"How many months do you say he has before the lords realize how much they can manipulate him?" asked Lyanna with her hands clasped together.
"I hope for many, but without my support, I doubt it," said Ned, closing his eyes as he released a sigh. "What he did yesterday was dumb. The second word spreads, everyone, from Sun Spear to the Wall, will have a field day with Robert's policies. For now, he's doomed," He said right before he saw Robert, Jon, a man wearing the Baratheon sigil, and the royal servants carrying the coffers approach them on the piers.
"Ned, here's the crown's entire reserves as promised," he said, cuffing his hand on his shoulder. "I hope in time that my good deeds as the king can redeem our friendship. I love you like a brother, and I hope that one day you can love me back!" Lyanna wanted to gag as Ned cringed.
"I doubt it, Robert. Judging by the way you treated my lover, I will not let my children suffer the same slights that you gave her two days ago."
You're going to be the worst king in history, thought Lyanna.
"I hope in time that I can prove you wrong," Robert said with a belly laugh. "I make you a promise, Ned. I'll be the greatest king in the history of the Seven Kingdoms!"
Lyanna perched her eyebrows together. "What makes you think that?" she asked, curious to know what else Robert had planned.
"EVERYTHING WILL BE FREE!"
Lya had to bridge her throat as she smiled at the man's stupidity. Turning, she saw Ned shake his head in disbelief.
After that, Ned said his goodbye to Jon, and then, the siblings climbed aboard their vessel, prepared to sail North.
"What in the Seven Hells have you done, Robert?" Stannis Baratheon asked once they'd returned to his solar in the Red Keep. His brother, the king, filled himself a goblet of wine whilst waiting for the whores to arrive.
"I gave what was due to my friend for insulting his lover, my mistake," he croaked.
"Due to him! You gave away the crown's entire value to a potential enemy, Robert!" shouted the younger Baratheon brother.
Robert unleashed a nasty burp before his brows furrowed with fury. "You forget your place, boy!" said Robert, growling at his brother.
"No, I have not forgotten my place! All I'm doing is trying to protect our name, to protect the throne you won, which is now weak because of what you have done!"
"Ha! The throne will be strong!" the drunk man boomed, grabbing the carafe and drinking like a pig from it. Unleashing more burps when he was done, Robert cleansed his mouth with the back of his hand before madly laughing.
"NO MORE TAXES! NO MORE TARIFFS! NO MORE FEES! EVERYTHING WILL BE FREE!" Robert screamed, slamming his fists against his chest like a gorilla.
"Have you lost your fucking mind, brother?!" Stannis asked, horrified at what was to come.
"LEAVE YOU PUNY LOBSTER!" screamed the King. The whores then rushed into the room, half-naked. "Bring me the Dragon Queen and bring me her degenerated son!" Robert ordered as two whores sat on his lap.
Stannis had enough. Cursing, he left the room with urgency. If he hadn't known before, he now knew Robert's reign would be a dysfunctional disaster.