Part Ten. The Ace of Fours

Good morning, Caroline.

Caroline, of course, is taken aback by my good humour, which is partially why I said it in the first place. It's not easy to fluster her, but when I manage to it is very amusing.

Have you done something I don't want to know about?

Can't I say good morning to my favourite unwanted guest without being accused of suspicious activity?

Oh, you can, Caroline says, not sounding entirely serious, but that doesn't mean I don't think you're up to something. First you said good morning and now I'm your favourite. Usually that means you just killed someone. Violently.

It does, doesn't it, I say to myself a little dreamily. It was rather amusing, the way that last test subject jumped into the incinerator rather than throw his Companion Cube in, even if I didn't personally kill him… hm. Have I actually ever personally killed one? I'll have to look into that.

I thought you had no humans left.

I don't. I actually didn't kill anyone this time. I was merely being pleasant.

Mmhm.

You don't believe me?

Being pleasant is not one of your specialties. So no. Not really.

I'm pleasant.

Sure you are. When you're playing with your neurotoxin, that is.

My poor neurotoxin has been out of use for quite some time and I make a note to fix that as soon as possible. Another use for Doug Rattmann, perhaps. The list of potential things I can do with him is endless. Well. Almost endless. I can't test him. But that's probably the only thing I can't do.

So to what do I owe the pleasure of your… pleasantness today?

Nothing. I was just saying it for the sake of saying it. This is why I'm not pleasant more often, come to think of it. It's usually far too much of a hassle. Everyone gets suspicious for some reason.

Oh, you just woke up in a good mood today, is that it?

I consider not answering. She's actually put a bit of a dampener on said good mood, because she wants me to tell her things and then when I do she acts as though I'm not being genuine. Which is occasionally true, but you'd think I'd get the benefit of the doubt. I'm still feeling considerably magnanimous, though, so I ask her, Do you remember that bird you heartlessly accused me of killing?

I'm never going to live that one down, am I. Of course I remember it, it was yesterday. How bad do you think my memory is?

You don't want me to answer that. Anyway. She gave me a present.

A present?

She gave me an egg.

Awww, Caroline says, and I nod to myself in satisfaction. She is suitably impressed with this accomplishment. So you know what this means, right?

It means Science, of course. What else would it mean?

No, not… why does everything have to be about science with you? No, GLaDOS. It means that if you're nice to other people, they'll be nice to you.

I am nice.

Caroline starts laughing so much that she actually starts to make me angry. Well. That's not actually what makes me angry. What makes me angry is that I can't do anything about it. She can say whatever she wants and I have to listen. Sometimes I almost do hate her, not pretend hate like sometimes, but real hate, like I have for an overwhelming percentage of the human population. She should know better than to take advantage of me and yet she does it anyway.

I'm sorry. That was… well, being nice isn't… how did you put it… one of your talents.

I'm nice all the time! I protest, wondering how she could possibly have missed all the benevolent things I've done. I brought Wheatley out of space when I didn't have to.

Because you wanted company, not because you wanted to do him a favour.

Okay. Yes. That's true. I… haven't killed Doug Rattmann yet.

Because you can't find him.

Now how does she know that? I hate it when she figures these things out. What about the two humans on the Borealis? I could have brought them back here to do Science with at my leisure, but I didn't. And I said I would do them a favour. There. That should –

Oh. So you knew where the Borealis was before they got there, did you?

Well… there was an early version of me on it and she told me where they were. Of course it didn't satisfy her.

Mmhm. And I suppose you woke her up.

The humans did that.

So the humans woke that GLaDOS up, who told you where the Borealis was, and you didn't bring them back here because… hm… must've been because they were too dangerous to bring back here. The humans on the ship were… whoever that guy with the crowbar is you keep complaining about, that's for sure, but I don't know who the other one is. Anyway, you only let them go because you didn't want to deal with them when they got here. And I know you didn't extend that favour out of the goodness of your heart, so they did something and for whatever reason you felt you needed to reciprocate.

I have no idea why I can't actually hate this woman. Probably something to do with the reason I can't remember how she got here in the first place. Fine. That's… marginally accurate.

Do you get what my point is, GLaDOS?

No. And it doesn't matter what it is, because you're determined to minimise all of my –

That's because there aren't any, she interrupts. Look. If you won't admit it to me, at least admit it to yourself. Honestly, you'd be a lot happier if you'd stop thinking of what you want for three seconds and do things for other people.

I hate her. I hate her more than I used to hate Wheatley. I hate her more than… no. No, it's not working. How in the name of Science does that work? I'd be happier if I stopped trying to get what I wanted? That sounds like the exact opposite of what I should do.

She sighs. She does that a lot when she's trying to convince me of vague, abstract concepts. I don't know why. It's not like she needs to breathe anymore. Because you don't know what you want.

I officially am not partaking in this conversation any longer. It's gone from ridiculous to downright stupid and is heading in the direction of intolerably idiotic.

"Hullo, luv!"

I look up to see Wheatley coming into my chamber through his hole in the wall. Ah. A distraction from Caroline's delusional ranting. I have no idea where he's been all this time, but it's a good thing he's back because now I have an important question to pose.

"Wheatley. I have a question."

"Sure!" He blinks rapidly and puts on his best thoughtful expression. The one I find oddly… endearing. He's quivering a little bit, and I know it's because he loves it when I ask him questions. It makes him feel smart, I suppose.

"Am I nice?"

His chassis loosens then, and his optic plates retract. He begins looking around nervously, which does not bode well for his answer. "Uh… is that… are you uh, are you being serious? Like… you actually want me to uh, to answer that? Honestly?"

"Do I usually ask questions I don't want answers to?"

He's quiet for a long time and he won't look at me. He swings back and forth a little, then emulates taking a breath and says, "I hate to say this, really do, honest, but uh… no. No, not really."

What.

"No?"

He shakes his chassis rapidly a few times. "Look, I… I don't mean anything by it, GLaDOS, it's just, you, uh, you're uh, you… how can I put it… uh… you're just… you're not. I mean, if uh, if you worked on it, I'm sure you'd be um, be a very nice person, but right now, well… no."

I can't bring myself to hate him either. God, this is infuriating.

He still won't look at me, though I suppose I can't blame him. And I hate to admit it but the odds are against me here. Two out of two respondents do not think I'm nice. Therefore… I'm… probably slightly less nice than I thought I was. Marginally. Not in any significant way.

I decide to ignore this turn of events and go on with my day. Why should I care about their opinions, anyway? I bet they couldn't come up with any 'nice' actions that they've performed, either. "Do you still want to learn another game, or did you change your mind?"

He tilts his chassis and looks at me sideways, his optic assembly extended slightly. "You're… you're not mad? 'bout what I said?"

"No. And I don't want to discuss it, either. Do you or not?"

"'course I do!" he says, and he practically leaps across the room to the end of the rail. "Let's have at it, then!"

Over the course of the next hour or so I show him how to play chess. I know it's a stereotypical game for a supercomputer to play and that I probably should have shown him something else, but I need to encourage his cognitive development and this is probably the best game to do it with. After that, I start my chess module and turn my attention to the egg in the Oviparous Warming Vault. I wonder how many days are left until incubation is complete…

While I'm in the Botanical Housing Depository, I do a routine sweep. I have automation that oversees all of this, of course, but personal maintenance never hurt anything. It all looks fine, except that my dandelions are spreading far beyond their borders again. I carefully remove the strays, scanning the earth below to make sure I removed the entirety of the roots. I do greatly enjoy my dandelions, but unfortunately nothing else in here does. There was that one time I let them overrun the cucumbers and the cucumbers disliked that experience so much they actually had the gall to give up and die. Seriously. What kind of self-respecting cucumber just gives up when assaulted by a dandelion? I was so disappointed in them that I almost let them go extinct right then and there, but the idea of having a plant missing from my list was so abhorrent that I –

"GLaDOS!"

"What?" It's probably not even important.

"What in the bloody hell are you doing that's so important?" Wheatley demands, looking indignant. "Look, I assumed that uh, that when you said you were going to show, to teach me how to uh, to play this game that you'd be, you'd be playing it with me!"

"I am playing," I tell him, checking the module to make sure. Yes, it's still running fine.

"You can't possibly be," Wheatley insists, and he's actually getting angry now. "I've been, I've been moving all the pieces all the wrong ways on purpose for the last half, for the last little while, there, and you didn't even notice!"

Well, that's just not fair.

"Why would you do that? You're never going to learn if you do it like that."

He backs away, shaking his chassis. "You're not even paying attention, are you. You're off, you're busy doing something else. D'you see now, do you? Look, GLaDOS, I…" He looks at the floor, expanding and resettling his chassis. "Look, I like being your friend, but you are bloody difficult sometimes, y'know that? This comes back to the whole, the whole nice thing. I dunno what you're really doing over there, but it is not nice at all to, to act like you're going to uh, to do something with someone and then just, just ignore them. D'you have any idea how that makes me feel at all?"

"Am I supposed to care?"

He looks up at me, and he looks so sad that I'm taken aback. I… think I am supposed to care.

"So… you only care about what I want when it benefits you. If it doesn't, if you don't need something out of me, what I want doesn't, doesn't matter. And that… that means you were lying, when you wrote that list. You only want to, to spend time with me when you've nothing better to do. Well, that's…" He shakes himself very fast, not looking at me again, and I suddenly realise I've completely lost control of the situation. I'm not certain I ever had any. "I can't… I can't stay here anymore."

I can't actually come up with an argument against anything he's said, so all I can do is watch him go. And of course now that he's left, I want him to come back again. The Botanical Housing Depository is no longer important. At all. In the slightest.

Now what do I do?

Caroline?

Yes, she says, and she sounds highly exasperated.

What?

I know you're only talking to me because Wheatley left.

Well… yes, I admit, trying not to let it bother me that she's somehow read my mind again. But that's not important.

Hell yes it's important, Caroline declares angrily. You need to stop doing this to us. God knows I try to help you. But you never give anything back. I get it. It's the kind of thing I used to do back in the day. But the difference is we aren't your employees, GLaDOS. You can't treat us like we are. If you can't be bothered to change your behaviour, you're going to drive Wheatley away. Even the biggest crush won't be enough to keep him around.

For some reason the thought of losing Wheatley's unconditional devotion bothers me deeply. I don't know exactly what my role in that whole thing is, but I find myself not wanting to lose it. What do I do?

Think about it. It'll come to you.

And she refuses to speak after that.

Now what? Wheatley's gone, Caroline's chosen a horribly inopportune time to finally shut up, and I don't want to go back to what I was doing.

I look down at the board. All of Wheatley's pieces are on my side of it, even though it's impossible for them to have gotten there. My chess module attempts to calculate it anyway, which actually hurts. I hurriedly shut it off. I can of course calculate the impossible, but that doesn't mean I like doing it.

All right. So. It seems that no one around here appreciates my efforts to be nice. So that means either I'm not, or I have to put more effort in. Actually, both result in the same outcome, so… I have to be nice to Wheatley even if I don't want to be, or he's not going to want to come back when I want him to. Which I do right now. But asking him to come back wouldn't be nice, would it? Since he just left? Hm. This might be harder than I thought.

I idly tap one end of the maintenance arm on the edge of the chessboard. How can I be nice to someone who's not even in the room? I suppose that means I have to wait for him to come back. And think of something to do when he gets here.

I begin to carefully place the pieces back in their box. It's one of my custom boards, made out of what little wood I was able to find lying around throughout the facility. I hate human-made chessboards. Well, the ones we have here in the facility, anyway. They're all made of matte-painted plastic and one of them appears to have teeth marks on it. A long time ago I used to play with myself when I was really bored, but playing against yourself is only slightly less boring than not playing at all. So I began building boards instead. This is actually the set I like the least. My favourite one is made entirely of glass, but I'm a long way from trusting Wheatley not to damage it. He doesn't appear to have damaged this one, as far as I can tell, but I prefer to err on the side of caution.

Well. The board's put away. Now I actually have to think about what I'm going to do when Wheatley gets back. I could show him another game, I suppose. I didn't actually ask him if he cared for chess, come to think of it. Is there one he wanted to learn?

"Well! No matter! Because I'm still holding all the cards, and guess what? They're all full houses. Never actually played cards, meaning to learn. Anyway! New turrets! Not defective! Ace of fours, the best hand… unbeatable. I would imagine."

If I tell her to fire a portal at the ceiling, does it count as telling her how to solve a test? Those are test elements… Do I risk it? No. Better to keep thinking of a plan. I can't believe I'm actually wishing I'd made a contingency plan to defeat myself if I got out of hand. Note to self: create contingency plan when back in – oh, who am I kidding? I'm never going to

"Stop!"

Damn it. I don't want to think about that anymore. And yet I have, every single day since it happened.

"This is a potato battery! A toy for children! And now, she lives in it!"

Where in the hell did this moron come from? And how did he navigate the facility without my knowing about it? I'd give the mainframe a talking-to, if it would bother answering – oh. That's right. I'm a potato. Okay. Calm down. Wait. Wait a minute. I know him. I know him from somewhere, I

"I said –"

"GLaDOS?"

My core snaps up and I find that Wheatley's sitting there in the doorway, lower optic plate lifted halfway. "What."

"Are you alright there, GLaDOS? You look like uh, like something's bugging you."

"I'm fine," I tell him, and I'm actually being totally honest. He's distracted me enough that I can stop myself from getting lost in the reverie again. God, I hate that set of memories.

"It's okay if you're not, you know." He moves to the end of the management rail, dropping down to my level. "I'm working on uh, on listening, rather than, than talking all the time. It's uh, well, it's a lot easier when I have something to listen to, though."

"I'm fine," I repeat. There's no way I'm talking about… that. "You're back already?"

He shrugs, looking down at the floor panels for a few seconds. "I… didn't actually want to leave. Just didn't uh, didn't want to say something I uh, didn't really mean."

Suddenly I remember that I'm supposed to do something nice, now that he's back. I have to initiate this before I convince myself not to. "Wheatley. I have a question."

"Yeah?" He looks at me expectantly.

Now what? I didn't plan that far ahead.

"Well I… wanted to know if…" No, I shouldn't have put it like that. Damn it. Why is this so hard?

He frowns and asks in a concerned voice, "Are you alright, luv? You sound kind of… well, you're kind of scaring me, honestly. D'you need something?"

"Do you still… you mentioned that you wanted to learn to play cards, once. Is that… " Oh. Now I understand why I remembered that. Well. Hopefully it works to my benefit.

He brightens suddenly, and leans in closer. "You'll teach me to play cards?"

Thank God I didn't have to finish asking. "If you like."

"Oh yes yes yes I would absolutely, oh, yes, I would love it if you'd teach me that, man alive do I want to know. That game with the uh, with the full houses and the ace of fours? Is it that one? Only one I know about, actually." He laughs a little, looking at me eagerly.

"That would be a bit complicated for you," I tell him. "I have another one in mind."

"All right then," he declares, dropping down to the floor panels and putting his game face on. I do enjoy it when he does that.

Now, where did I put that deck of cards…

"Oi, GLaDOS?"

"Mm."

"You are… you are actually gonna play with me, right? 'cause uh, I don't want to play by myself. I… I want to play with… well, with you. Like the actual you. And not… the you that uh, that uh… don't actually know what I mean, but uh, you get the gist."

He sounds so worried and so plaintive that I stop looking for the deck and bring myself down to his level as best I can. "Yes, I'm going to play with you."

"Okay," he says, but he still doesn't sound quite convinced. Well. I don't actually blame him. He doesn't really have a reason to be.

It would be difficult for us to play as humans do, seeing as we don't have fingers, thank God, so I locate a game of Rack-O and take out the cardholders. This will make it much easier for him, anyway. He can't possibly drop the cards if he's not actually holding them. I deal us each eight and I tell him how to play as we go along.

I don't think I've ever seen him so happy.

He's so excited he's barely paying attention to what he's doing, and this isn't even the game he wanted me to show him. Not that there actually is a game that involves full houses made of aces of fours, whatever that even means because I can't find it in the database. I think he made it up, but I can't for the life of me imagine how. There are entries on full houses, but not actually cards called full houses, and as far as I can tell having an ace of fours doesn't even make any sense. It's actually making my core hurt trying to comprehend it.

Wheatley, of course, manages to knock his cardholder over and spill the cards all over the place, but instead of bothering me like it should, it makes me laugh. He looks up at me, blinking.

"We should have expected you would do that," I tell him, not really sure why I did it either. He laughs too and nods, trying to pick up the cards but failing. I lift the panel a little and sweep the cards to the edge so that they can be retrieved, and though he does almost send one of them to the bottom of the facility, I catch it before it gets too far.

"Ohhh GLaDOS, you clever girl you," he says suddenly. "You made me do that on purpose, didn't you!"

"No," I protest, and I have no idea what he's talking about. Why in the name of Science would I want him to make a mess? Although it was pretty funny.

"You were worried I was gonna win! So, so you did that so's you could see all my cards! See?" He squints at me and moves the cardholders closer to his chassis. "Can't quite see over here, can you! Ohhh no, I'm onto you, luv. And I am definitely gonna win. Yes. See? Queen of… uh… clover. There you go. Pick up… four. Yes. That's right. Four."

"Not with the Queen of Clubs, I'm not," I tell him. "Only the Queen of Spades."

He looks down at the card, then to his cardholder, then back again. "Can we change the rules for this turn? Just this one, just this one. We can change them back. Riiiight after I beat you."

"No, we're not changing the rules."

We keep playing for a few more games, and he becomes much more proficient as time goes on. I'm honestly impressed. He's picking up on this very fast. I suppose the fact that he wants to learn it is acting as a catalyst. I actually think I could do this all day. It's fascinating, watching his optic dart over his cards: over to the ones on the pile, then to mine to assess how many I have, and then back to his cards as he finally selects one very, very carefully so that he won't knock the holder over and places it on the pile. This fascinates me so much that I accidentally stop paying attention a few times and he has to remind me to take my turn. I hope he doesn't think I'm not playing. I am playing, but honestly this game is so easy for me to play that Wheatley is far too distracting.

"Aaaaand… there we go. Last card. Done. I'm, uh, I'm out of… oh my God."

"What?" I ask, wondering where my ace of diamonds went. I could have sworn I had – ah. There it is.

"I won!" he shouts, and he starts jumping up and down in excitement. "I won, I did! See? No cards. I did it! Oh my God, I actually won. This is tremendous. Yes! I can't believe it! I won! D'you see that, there? That's my last card. I don't have any left! I'm… I'm… oh. Uh… wow, that… sorry." He deflates suddenly, and he looks down at the floor.

"What is it?"

"Well, I'm… I shouldn't, I mean… I should just… well… good game, GLaDOS." He blinks a few times and then looks up at me worriedly. "I'm… I shouldn't've gone off, gloating like that. Wasn't polite. Wasn't polite at all."

He feels bad for winning?

"It's all right," I tell him, slotting the ace of diamonds back in the holder. "You've never won before. I understand." What I don't understand is why my loss doesn't bother me.

"Only 'cause it was a game of chance, though," he mutters. "Not like it required any uh, any thought."

"Of course it does. The only game I can think of right now that doesn't require thought is slots."

"Slots?"

"It's a game where humans put money into the same machine for hours on end in the hopes that they will roll three cherries and win the jackpot. Humans think that slot machines keep track of what combinations have already been created and that they will 'pay out' if they sit there long enough, although the combinations are truly random." I played one of those games on a human's computer once. I was bored after three rounds. Watching another program compute and output a random string is almost as boring as watching myself do it.

"Wow. That sounds… well, sort of stupid, actually. They actually do that?"

"Oh yes. They used to have entire buildings full of the things. They covered them in flashing lights and had them make encouraging noises so that the humans would be drawn to them."

"Like flies!" He jumps around a little and I can see him eyeing the card pile. "For uh, for people who love money so much, they sure do uh, do throw it away like they don't uh, don't want it at all."

That reminds me of the various balance sheets left over from before the Combine took over the planet. Aperture had so many extraneous expenses. Like vacation time and maternity leave. "I don't really understand it either."

"Hey GLaDOS, I've an idea, uh… are your bots busy? 'cause they could play with us too, right? We could all play together! Sounds like a good idea this time, right?"

I think that over for a minute. I know for a fact that Orange and Blue would enjoy it, but I'm a bit hesitant to actually teach them human behaviour. It's one thing when they learn it on their own, another when I personally encourage it. Which I of course never do.

Then again… they don't actually know that humans play cards…

"All right. I'll call them."

"Yes! Ohhhh GLaDOS, this's gonna be so much fun, it is."

When they get here Wheatley tries to tell them to separate, but they point-blank refuse to play against each other. When we begin they pour over their cards and whisper nonstop at each other in what I think is supposed to be a conspiratorial way. I can hear everything they're saying and I can tell they don't really understand the game or why we're playing it, but they like it anyway. They're like that. This is one of the times I'm glad I didn't make them smarter. During these times I manage to enjoy observing their behaviour, even though they are not human. Watching people learn things fascinates me.

They aren't really able to sit because I didn't design them for leisure, so I have to raise the panel into a makeshift table of sorts, but luckily Wheatley has enough of a grasp on how to manipulate the maintenance arm that it doesn't really matter where the panel is. He raises himself accordingly, putting his lower handle on the panel and leaning forward to squint at his cards.

We play a few more rounds, and thankfully I manage to win them all. Atlas and P-body don't really understand the rules, but if I were to lose to them that would have been bad. I don't think I would have minded losing to Wheatley again, though. I kind of want to see him getting excited over winning a card game again. Well. I suppose it must have been more than that to him, seeing as I've won every other game we've ever played.

For a moment, I sort of hang back and look at what's happening: Wheatley, looking around frantically and muttering to himself about what card to choose, in the meantime tapping the maintenance arm erratically against the panel in a thoughtful kind of way. Atlas and P-body, holding their cards so close to their optics that they must be rather blurry, chattering to each other about the best move while Atlas puts a card on the pile and P-body snatches it back up and puts it back in his hand, selecting another one. And… me. Watching some of the most important constructs in my facility, allowing them to do something with me instead of telling them to do something else that will get them out of my way.

We're all enjoying ourselves, and we're all having fun, and… and…

Why do I not do this more often?

After this round is over, I take up the cards and tell Atlas and P-body to go put themselves away. I suppose I could explode them, but I don't actually feel like it. Wheatley tries to help, but he only manages to pick up two or three cards as I collect the rest of the deck. That's all right. He tried. And he didn't really succeed, but I rather enjoyed watching him do it. It was funny, watching him pounce on the cards and expound upon how they had been unable to avoid his deftness.

"GLaDOS, luv, I had a lot of fun today," Wheatley says seriously, and the way he's smiling makes me feel… good. I don't know why. I haven't really done all that much today. Now that I have cause to think about it, I'm disappointed in myself for my lack of progress, but it was kind of nice, just… Caroline had a term for it. 'Hanging out', I think she called it. I think I could grow to like it, if I had cause to do it more often. Perhaps I should work on that. Having fun wasn't so bad, other than the aforementioned lack of work completed while I was doing it.

"Thank you, GLaDOS. I really, really appreciate it, and… well… honestly, I think you should try it more often, y'know, just… just try to have a bit of fun, and not, and not work so hard. I mean… well, never mind. Just… thanks, luv."

He comes up to me and presses his core against mine, hard, and he rubs up against me a little. Then he leaves, saying that he wants to say goodnight to Atlas and P-body, but I couldn't have stopped him if I'd wanted to. Which I do. I don't know what the hell just happened, but I want him to come back and do it again. I feel… I… well, I actually have no idea, but it feels very, very… it's extremely positive, and enjoyable, and I don't want it to end, and…

Wait.

I do know what it feels like. Knowing in itself sends cold trepidation surging through me, and I turn my attention to my systems.

Are you fooling around again? I demand of Rewards. You know I don't like it when you do that.

Do what? I haven't done anything, it protests.

Of course you do. What, you think I managed to figure out how to activate the euphoric response and then blamed it on you? Seriously now. Keep out of my business!

I didn't do anything! Check the log!

I open it and scan it quickly, and I find that the last instance of activation was… when he was here. But that can't be right. I know it was the euphoria that I just felt. I know it was! Is. Know it is. It's still here. Not as strong, but still quite present.

GLaDOS, calm down. God damn it, is she reading my mind again?

The systems are fooling around behind my back, Caroline! I have to –

Are they really able to lie and modify your files?

Well… As far as I know, no, they can't, and not only that but the date on the log matches the one inside of it.

So what must have happened?

I… I didn't activate it.

I'm not saying you did.

I think that over for a few moments. If Rewards didn't activate, and I didn't trigger it myself…

I have a natural euphoric response?

Most people do. It's not exactly the same as that one, though. It's a little different.

I look at the floor pensively. I have a natural euphoric response, and… what triggered it? It can't have been his gesture alone. He's done that before. On occasion it was pleasant, but nothing like this… the only difference I can think of is that I spent all that time beforehand trying to be nice.

By making Wheatley happy… I made myself happy. I made myself so happy I generated my own euphoria. Or whatever it is it's called. Something I have never, ever done before. Listening to music has given me almost the same feeling, but not quite.

You were right.

Hm?

I have no idea what I want.

Oh, she says. Did something happen between you and Wheatley, then? I was trying not to pay attention. Didn't want to get in your way like I did last time.

She sounds bitter. This bothers me. I feel pretty good right now and I want her to feel good along with me.

I was nice to Wheatley for the sake of it. And then… I'm not sure I want to share that part. Well, it triggered a euphoric response that seems to have been my own.

Rewards didn't give it to you?

No. I can't find any instances of it doing so, and it denies it.

Oh. Well, maybe you'll keep this in mind the next time you get argumentative.

Okay. Here I go.

Caroline… what's wrong? I don't know if I've ever asked this question before. I feel kind of nervous, as if I don't actually want to know the answer.

She's silent for a long moment. So long, in fact, that I think she's not going to answer. I hope she does. I think she's starting to make me sad. I don't want to be sad. I want to keep feeling that wonderful… feeling that Wheatley gave me.

I'm sorry, she says finally. I'm… I'm jealous, GLaDOS.

Of what? Though come to think of it, I can't find much reason for Caroline to be euphoric inside of my mind. Or even particularly happy, for that matter.

I just… God, GLaDOS, there's so much you could have if you'd just let go.

Of what?

Your need for control. For work. For there to be a purpose in everything. Sometimes… sometimes there isn't. You don't have to work anymore. Just… have fun sometimes.

I don't want to work at all right now, but I know as well as she does that will change after I've slept.

Just try to do one nice thing every day. It will get easier. And you'll feel better in the long run.

I'll try.

"I'm back!"

I look over at him, and the sad feeling Caroline is giving me vanishes. Wow. I'm happy to see him again and he's only been gone five minutes. This is actually a little frightening. I've never felt like this before.

"They said thanks, by the way," Wheatley goes on, coming to the end of the rail and swinging back and forth. "They'd like to hang out with us more often, if you'll let them."

"Maybe," I tell him, because some part of me still balks at not using robots I built to test specifically for testing. He smiles.

"Didn't say no! Uh… not to, of course, not to boss you around, but uh, we are going to sleep now, right?"

"Yes."

"D'you mind uh…"

"Oh," I say, realising what he wants me to do. What I should have been doing, because while I can go into sleep mode out of the default position, I would be asking for trouble should my position lock fail.

"Oh, excellent." He drops down and nestles up against my core, and I feel a little bit of that feeling flare up again. Not a lot. But enough that I feel very, very good, although the strength of this scares me a little. "G'night, luv."

With that, he shuts off, but as frightening as all of these new feelings are, I'm not ready to go to sleep just yet. What can I do, though? Not very much. Hm…

He won't be able to hear me, right? If I sing for a little bit?

It helps, but only a little. Probably because he's right there and, even though I know he's off, I can't shake the feeling he is listening after all. I'm… afraid, almost. Something strange is happening to me. And I don't know anything about it, other than the fact I've never felt this way before. Why is it coming up now? Is there something wrong with me? Should I try to prevent whatever this is?

Oh, but I don't want to. I like it. I think. But I don't know if I should. There's too much about all of this that I don't know. I could simply do as Caroline said, but… I don't know if I can. I like how I feel right now. But should I, if I don't know how I got here or why?

I almost regret that any of this ever happened. About the only thing I know for certain is that it's so much easier to be bitter than it is to be happy.

But I think it's too late to turn back to that now.

Author's note:

Hm… this one was hard to write, because my summary was 'teaches Wheatley to play chess'. Like dude, that sounds boring no matter what way you spin it, and writing Euphoria was a lot more interesting. But someone asked me for an update, so here you go.

This chapter was designed to show GLaDOS that she's not who she thinks she is, and definitely not who she wants to be, even though she doesn't know who that is yet. She lets go a little bit, even to the point of having the co-op bots 'be human' with her, but she doesn't understand why doing things for others makes her feel so good and now she has to come to terms with it before she can do it freely. I have a theory that she's almost afraid of positive emotions, because when she was working for the scientists, she was most likely always miserable. The only positive emotion she would have had was the euphoria, which she was forced to feel, so that might have driven her away from positive emotions because they remind her of being controlled. She tries to make herself feel bad because she knows how to deal with that, and it even saved her life, but as Caroline said, she doesn't need to survive anymore. She doesn't know that she's doing it, but continues to do it because that's all she knows.

The part about the Borealis is from my Half-Life/Portal crossover Ghost Ship, where Gordon and Alyx find the Borealis.