Part 13. The Surprise

GLaDOS, what's gotten into you?

Hm? I honestly don't know what she's talking about this time.

You're singing again. And you haven't insulted me in days.

Oh, you've missed that, have you? Although I have to say I didn't realise it was so out of character for me not to insult her. It merely hasn't been occurring to me to do so.

What are you doing that's got you so preoccupied? she presses. Don't leave me in the dark here.

You have no sensory receptors. You're not in the dark.

Fine. Don't… not tell me.

If you must know, I've been writing a program.

It must be a damn good program.

It will be, when I've finished. I have a few days yet of debugging, and hopefully everything will be working properly and I can take it out of beta.

What does it do?

I shake my core, even though she'll never know I did it. That's my secret.

Does Wheatley know about it?

He knows I'm writing it, but he doesn't know what it does.

Wait – you said you had a few days of debugging left.

That's because I do.

But… you're usually finished the entire program within hours. How long have you been writing this thing for?

On and off for the last two years.

What the hell are you doing, rewriting the entire facility?

No. I've already upgraded that to my liking. No, this is something else entirely.

But what is it?

I told you. That's a secret.

And I'll know after you finish the debugging what it does?

That's the plan.

She's quiet for a long moment. This must be pretty important to you.

I consider my next words carefully. How to reply to the statement, without giving too much away…

It will be, when I run it. The programming consists of two parts. I can only beta the first part.

Now I'm even more confused.

That's a very common state for you, so I'm not surprised.

Aha! There's the GLaDOS I know.

You might be disappointed, then.

Why?

I look hesitantly at the monitor in front of me for a minute. I'm about to ask her something quite uncharacteristic, but I'm not feeling quite like myself at the moment. I'm still quite pleased about what happened last night. More pleased than I ever thought I would have been, in fact. That is a bit worrying, but not so much that I actually care right now. Which is also a bit worrying. But if I really admit it to myself, it's also sort of… exciting. While I don't quite recognise who I am when something like that happens and it's always disconcerting to find you don't really know yourself, I… like who I was. It's easy to forget how it feels not to be cynical or bitter or angry. I wonder if Wheatley knows the effect he's having on me.

Ah, yes. I was asking Caroline something. Because I have a question that won't sound like me at all.

Let's get it over with, then, she says, though she sounds more enthusiastic than anything. I laugh to myself. She gets so excited when I ask her things…

If you were human tomorrow, would you leave?

Would I leave? she asks quietly.

And go on to live a human life. As opposed to staying here, for example.

There's nothing out there. You've mentioned that before.

There are… outposts.

Why are you asking me this, anyway? she says suddenly, and to my surprise she sounds sort of upset. You know you would die if I was able to leave. So why are you bringing it up?

I was just curious, I say, a little miffed. Though it confirms my suspicions. So you would leave, and not come back.

No. I wouldn't.

I feel a bit better to hear that. Why not?

I'd rather stay here with you, she says simply. You might think I'm lying, but I'm not. I would… I would miss you, if I left.

I would miss you as well, I say softly, before I can convince myself not to.

I know. But… don't… don't worry about any of that, anyway. It's not going to happen. I'm sure you have more important things to think about.

That's true. I have to find Wheatley.

Really? Why?

I have something for him.

Awww, Caroline breathes, and I shake my head in amusement. The woman is a hopeless romantic. You made him a present?

Sort of.

That was nice of you.

He's been very… helpful, as of late.

It's so interesting, she muses. Seeing you two change, now that your jobs are gone.

Hm?

He's the Intelligence Dampening Sphere. Right?

That was his former position, yes.

As far as I can tell, he's not actually that stupid.

He's not. He just doesn't think, sometimes. And then other times he thinks a lot, and comes up with surprising conclusions. It's infuriatingly unpredictable.

Caroline finds this very funny, so while she's occupied with that thought I look for Wheatley. He's watching Orange and Blue and shouting encouragement at them. God, he looks so excited. As if he's having any effect on whether they solve the tests or not. And he might be, come to think of it. They are getting a little faster.

GLaDOS?

Hm?

Did you find him yet?

Yes, I say, finding myself a bit startled. I'm… fetching him now. "Wheatley."

He jumps and looks around, eventually settling on the camera. "Oh. Hullo. What is it?"

"I… have something for you."

His optic plates separate fully and he starts to quiver a little. "Really?"

"Yes. Would you like to go get it, or are you busy?"

"No! Let's, let's get on that." He turns and heads out of the testing track, with Orange and Blue looking amusedly confused.

"All right. Now, you're going to –"

What are you doing?

It's not mobile. He has to go get it himself.

He has to close his eyes, then!

I'm taken aback a little. Why in the name of Science would I have him do that?

Because that's what you do when you're leading people to surprises, she says insistently. Tell him to close his eyes and then tell him how to get there.

I don't really understand what the point of that is, but I suppose I can humour her. Very well. "Wheatley, shutter your optic."

"What? Why?"

"Because… that's… what you do when you're leading people to surprises."

"Oh, I get it!" Wheatley says excitedly, jumping up and down and shuttering it obediently. "So I don't see it 'til, 'til the last minute, right?"'

"Of… course," I say, rather unconvincingly, but he doesn't seem to notice. "Anyway. Move forward until I tell you to stop."

Tell me when he gets there.

I indulge her far too much.

Eventually he makes it to the proper location, though not without a lot of bumping into walls and heading in the wrong direction, but he doesn't look upset about these things at all. He looks… happy. And excited. Come to think of it, I'm getting sort of excited seeing him so excited. Who knew this was going to be so… engaging?

All right, Caroline. He's reached his destination.

Tell him to spin around three times.

Caroline, robots don't get dizzy.

Tell him to do it anyway. Come on. Live a little.

"Now you have to spin around three times," I tell him dutifully, and he frowns as best he can with his optic closed.

"Why's that?"

"Just do it."

So he does, and in typical Wheatley fashion only does it two and a half times, so that he's facing away from where he's supposed to be facing. Oh well. I suppose doing it this way gives it dramatic effect.

"Now you can open your optic. Then turn around."

He snaps it open and turns around rather more slowly than I thought he would. Then he gasps and moves forward, quivering again. "You remembered!"

"Of course I did," I tell him, wondering if he knows how absurd the concept of me forgetting things is. "You wanted to go outside. Now you can. Whenever you like."

It wasn't really all that hard. I just had to locate some part of the facility aboveground, with relatively replaceable walls, and bring such replacement about by putting panels there instead of plaster and concrete. That was the most annoying part; plaster and concrete are so messy…

"GLaDOS," he says, rather sounding as if he'd like to be crying right now, "it's amazing! Look at that! I can go outside! Oh my God! This – it's just – it's better than I'd, than I'd thought, even! I can – I can see things! Dunno what they are, but, but I… hey. Hey, GLaDOS. You know what's outside, right?"

"Of course."

"I don't suppose you could uh, could look through my optic for a minute, there, and tell me what all this stuff is? Not for, not for very long, just, just for a bit, there, so I can uh, I can know a little bit about this… stuff."

Oh, go on, Caroline says encouragingly, and I honestly can't find a reason not to. I would never do such a thing without his permission, but he is asking…

"All right. Give me a few moments." I'll have to temporarily take control of him - not that he seems to know that, but he did ask and it is only temporary. It's not a lot of work for me, quite similar in fact to switching to an alternate camera view, and before too long I am seeing through his optic. Honestly it's... quite fascinating.

In the wake of the Seven Hour War, the vast majority of the planet was ravaged. Some of it beyond repair. When my little killers made it to the surface, they encountered one of those such spots. But when I was choosing the location of this hole in the wall, I kept in mind the fact that the crow currently lodged in the Aperture Science Botanical Housing Depository may well find her way out and, indeed, out this hole. So this particular section of the grounds outside of the facility is relatively intact, helped along of course with my own restoration efforts. It was more a hobby than anything, so nothing has really been done, but there is life here at least. That's something.

The grass here has withered and more resembles straw, but beyond that there are trees probably as tall as I am long, with spidery, crooked branches still more or less covered with richly coloured leaves in every hue between bright, golden yellow and deep, strong crimson. The bases of the trunks are littered with crumpled brown skeletons that stir with the slightest suggestion of wind, which is actually surprisingly warm. The air feels… thick, sort of, heavy with something, though what that is I can't tell. The sky is so clear. So blue. If I were in a better position, I could probably see for miles. No clouds at all. Hey – what is that? That's… not a mouse, is it? If only I could get a closer look… I zoom the lens in as far as I can, trying to make out the speck. I don't remember it being this finicky. And this crack is new. I'll have to look into that. I can almost… I just need to move a little closer…

"Hey! GLaDOS! What're you doing?"

Who is that? How did they take control of my –

GLaDOS. What's going on?

I'm going outside, I try to say, but I can't. Someone is stripping me of movement, of feeling, of sound and now I can't see, either, and I don't understand why this is happening but it has to stop! I'm going outside! I just want to see if that really was a mouse, and then I'll come back! I just need to know! I just need to see for myself!

That's when I realise I'm not outside at all, but in my chamber, straining against myself to move out of a hole that isn't there. There is no wind, no mouse, and no sky. There's just me and this empty grey room.

No. No, that can't be true. I'm not stuck in here. I was… I was out there. Somewhere else. I left this room.

Suddenly I am painfully, acutely aware of every inch of my body, and exactly how far each inch can go, and compared to the freedom I almost had it is unbearable. This can't be right. I can't be stuck here. I was leaving, I was out of this room, I'm not really restricted to a twenty-foot radius…

"No," I find myself whispering helplessly, still fighting almost against my will to pull myself out of the ceiling, even though that's a very stupid idea and won't be helpful at all. I'll be even more paralysed than I am right now if I do succeed, but I can't stop. I have to get out of here at all costs. I have to go outside and find that mouse… "No no no no no…"

GLaDOS. You need to calm down.

Shut up.

No. Seriously. Whatever's going on right now, you need to stop. You're going to hurt yourself.

I don't care! I don't care about anything except for getting out of this damn room.

"Gladys."

I realise my vision is out of focus and struggle to adjust it. "What. What do you want. I'm busy."

He's looking at me so sadly.

"What're you doing, luv? You look like you're gonna come out of the ceilin' if you uh, if you keep doing that."

"I want to."

"But then you'll die."

I go to answer, but I have to keep it to myself. I don't know if I mean it or if I just suddenly want it because I know I can't have it.

I would gladly die for a chance to leave this room.

They're right. I have to calm down. I have to face facts. That wasn't me. It was Wheatley. Wheatley's allowed to go where he likes, whenever he wants to. And he can go outside. But I can't.

"Are you alright?" he asks concernedly, and as my chassis gradually lowers I find myself unable to look at him. I not only ruined his surprise, but I lost control. This has all backfired spectacularly.

"I'm fine."

"What happened?"

"Nothing. It… was just a glitch. Don't worry about it." A glitch. Ha. If only. A glitch can be fixed.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't've asked."

"No. It… wasn't your fault. It was mine. I'll… fix it." Or not think about it, at least.

"Thank you, Gladys. I… it was a wonderful surprise."

There. I can use that.

"Stop calling me that."

"I… I didn't mean to," he says, sounding a little confused. "I just… old habits, y'know?"

"It's an old habit that seems to have been cropping up more often." Oh yes. There it is. It is a relief to feel the anger rise up inside of me again. I know I'm supposed to be working on getting rid of it, but I need it right now to get rid of all the other feelings his stupid idea brought out in me. I don't want them and they're not useful. Anger I can work with. Anger I can use.

"Sorry." Wheatley looks so confused, blinking at me from out of that cracked optic I bafflingly mistook for my own. "I… I'll not do it again."

"I doubt that."

"I'm… going… to go," he says haltingly. "I just… well, you… yeah. Uh…"

"What's taking you so long?"

GLaDOS!

Shut up.

I watch him leave, though not without a cold wave of… of… guilt, I think it is. I force it back. I don't want to feel bad right now.

You shouldn't have done that. He did nothing wrong. He was just worried about you.

So what.

And you lied. He asked you not to lie and you lied.

I don't care. You don't understand.

Try me, she says, and her voice is so soft and inviting I find myself doing so even though I don't really want to.

You don't understand what it's like to live life through someone else. And before you argue that you're living in my head and therefore through me, you weren't born here. You had a life. You've been out of here far longer than you've been in here. Everything I do is through someone else. Outside of this room everything I see is through a camera. Everything I hear is through a microphone. And even in here, I can't do anything without… assistance. Because you built me without arms. What's the point of building me without them and then giving me maintenance arms anyway? That's stupid. Why not give me both? Yes. I get it. I'm not supposed to be here. So who cares what I might want. No one. Of course.

You feel trapped in here.

Well… God, it's hard to be angry when she's using that voice. So quiet and understanding… No.

You're just bothered you can't have what other people have?

Probably.

You need to apologise to Wheatley.

I make a reluctant electronic noise and look down at the floor. Why?

Because it wasn't his fault. He didn't do anything wrong. He just wanted to help.

I hate it when she makes sense.

I… guess you're…

She starts laughing at that. You don't have to say it.

That's a relief. What isn't, however, is that the anger is gone thanks to her meddling, and now I just feel bad. And I can't do anything about it until he comes back.

Back to debugging until then, I suppose.

"Hullo, luv!"

Ah. He's not upset with me. Excellent. "Hello."

He's swinging back and forth on the management rail, which usually means he's about to ask me something I probably don't want to answer. I'd better get the apologising over with, then. "Wheatley."

"Yeah?"

"I'm… sorry for… my behaviour. It was inappropriate."

"Oh!" he says, sounding pleasantly surprised. "That's alright. I understand."

"You do?" I ask, moving back. He nods once and leans forward.

"I remember, GLaDOS."

I freeze for a moment, trying to figure out what he's alluding to. Oh… wait. He does understand. Somewhat.

"I mean, I know it's not quite the same," he goes on, circling around me, and I follow him slowly. "But I remember. It's bloody annoying, it is, trying to go do something and then realising you can't. Because you're uh, you're stuck in this, this giant chassis. 'nother reason I was uh, was sort of glad to get out of it. It's… so… uh… never mind."

"It's what?" I ask, suddenly wanting to know exactly what he wants to say but not for the life of me being able to figure out why.

"Well, I… don't want to… to set you off, again," he says, shrugging and glancing nervously at me.

"It won't."

"It's just… restrictive, y'know?" he says, shrugging again. "To go from, from being able to go 'round wherever, and then uh, then all of a sudden being, being stuck in one spot… the cam'ras were never, they were never enough."

Hmph, says Surveillance indignantly. The panels shush it and I try not to laugh. Though it is pretty funny when the panels jump in to defend me for some reason or another. I'm not sure why they do it, but it's always terribly amusing.

"But… I've had an idea," he says shyly. "'an I dunno if… if it'll set you off, but uh… but you'll… be able to… to go outside for yourself, for once, at least."

"Really?" I ask, a little more eagerly than I meant. I also find myself leaning forward and force myself to settle down.

"Yeah. Well, you could… you could open the ceiling, couldn't you?"

"Yes…," I say, drawing out the word. "Yes, I could." And I in fact can't think of why I've never done it before. Other than the potential mess that might be made, seeing as everything on the surface can hypothetically make it in through the hole.

"It still won't be the same," he goes on, twisting back and forth. "But at least you can uh, can bring the outside in, I guess? Sorry… that sounded…"

"It's a good idea."

"Really?" he asks, jumping up and clenching in excitement, staring at me through a very wide optic.

"Yes." Hopefully nothing adverse happens this time. I don't really want to lose control of myself30+ twice in one day.

"Well, you just… stay there, and I'll uh… I'll just… yeah."

"What?" But my question is answered when he leans up on me. Ah. I should have guessed.

I carefully move aside the panels to give… us… an unrestricted view of the sky above, and as soon as Wheatley sees it he cries out and -

Is he seriously pressing his optic into my core? When did we get so cozy?

Still… it is sort of… endearing. I decide no harm is being done and not to do anything about it. "What's got you so worked up?"

"The moon! The moon's out there!" he says, sounding oddly afraid. "It wasn't out there earlier!"

"The moon is always there. You just can't see it until the sun goes down."

"Down? What d'you mean, down?"

"It doesn't really go down. It's just the term one uses to describe what happens to the sun when this side of the Earth rotates out of range."

"But where'd the moon come from?"

The poor thing doesn't even understand the concepts of night and day.

"It's always there," I explain patiently. "The sun is just so bright that you usually can't see it."

"No one said it was, was gonna be there."

Ahhh. Wait a minute. "You're not afraid of the moon, are you?"

"'course not," he says unconvincingly. "I just… don't like it."

"You're safe, Wheatley. Come and look."

He slowly turns around, not moving away so that he's scraping on me a little as he does it, and I can imagine him squinting up at the moon as if it's going to consume him. "It's so creepy," he says, shuddering. "Look at it. All… glowing. Like a… a cam'ra light. Like being watched by God."

"Don't be stupid," I tell him, before he decides that the sun is God's other eye or something equally ridiculous. "It's not glowing. It just looks like it is. That's really the sun reflecting off the moon's surface."

"Oh," he says, relaxing. "It's just… kind of like a mirror, that right?"

"Kind of." Kind of not at all, but if that's how he chooses to understand it…

"Sort of… pretty, isn't it." I can hear him blinking. "When it's uh, at a safe distance, of course."

I can't help laughing. "You're not going back out there. You don't have to be afraid." He's right, though. It is beautiful. The light filters back down into my chamber and bathes everything in a blue-grey glow and, though I live mostly in shades of blue-grey, somehow it has a tint I've never seen before. The wind is still up, dropping the temperature in my chamber noticeably by several degrees, but I can't bring myself to care. Being cold is… nice. Climate Control, however, thinks differently and sees fit to complain about it. That's solved by muting it. It won't be happy about that, but I'll deal with it later.

May we look, Centralcore?

Yes.

Wheatley jumps as the panels in the right positions raise themselves up high enough that they can see out the hole as well, and though I can't actually see them doing it I can hear the rustling. "What're they doing?"

"They just want to look."

"Hullo," he says hesitantly, flipping his optic over to look behind him. "How're you getting on?"

We are well, Bluecore. Thank you for asking. And you?

I relay this message, which excites him enormously for some reason. "I'm good, thanks! So uh… you're not… mad at me, for uh…"

No, we are not upset. It was not a good day for anyone.

We go on like that for a while, and normally it would have bothered me to be reduced to a relayer of messages. Not right now, though. If I concentrate hard enough, and zoom in my lens sufficiently, I can even pretend I'm not in my chamber at all. I can pretend we're all outside, in some nonsensical way that I manage not to think about. Because it would be impossible.

He understood, Caroline says in a somewhat wondrous voice.

He did. That's part of why he's here. Because he understands. In a way no one else ever has, nor ever will.

You need to work on telling him things, she says gently. Don't make him drag everything out of you. And GLaDOS…

Mm.

The anger might… seem helpful. But in the end… all it does is take from you. It takes your strength, and your energy, and your concentration. Let it go.

I'm trying, I tell her, trying not to get angry over it. I hate being told what to do. It's not easy.

I know.

After a while Wheatley and the panels stop having their discussion, and he just leans up on me and… well, I'm assuming he's looking out the hole, but for all I know he's just staring at the wall panels. Eventually I discover I'm not looking out of the ceiling at all, but am now facing the floor, almost simultaneously discovering I'm actually tired. It must be later than I thought.

Would you like us to reform the ceiling, Centralcore?

No. Leave it. Being able to feel actual air currents is nice. And so is being cold like this. Maybe I should make that a permanent change. The climate in here is still geared towards the presence of humans...

"G'night, luv," Wheatley whispers. For some reason he always knows exactly when I'm about to fall asleep.

"Goodnight, Wheatley," I tell him. He nestles up against me and then goes still.

Caroline? I wonder if I'm going to be able to say it in time. I think I'm almost asleep.

Mmhm?

I wish you could have been here too.

She's quiet for a long time.

Go to sleep now.

For once, she's given me useful advice.

Author's note

They're playing checkers because this was originally something like chapter five. YES THE STORY EXPLODED ON ME I'M SORRY ;.;

Pretty much what happens here is Wheatley figures out for himself that he finds GLaDOS physically attractive. With people, what we're biologically hardwired to do is find the most attractive person and try to attract them. Before you argue that it's about personality etc., not initially it isn't. Teenage girls don't gossip about which boys have the best personality, and they don't sit around trying to figure out how to improve their personalities so that boys will notice them. We do this because we are hardwired to look for the best reproductive partner. An attractive partner implies to us that they have the best possible genes, which in turn tells us that the offspring will be more likely to survive. However, that would be stupid for a robot to do. In Aperture, survival is obviously based on the intelligence of the construct, so I imagine that's what would initially draw Wheatley to GLaDOS. Afterwards, he would possibly be drawn to her personality, and the last thing that would attract him is her appearance [because in the grand scheme of things, GLaDOS actually has an undesirable physical appearance because she has so many parts; this demonstrates that she is physically fragile, and if something goes wrong with one of her components, that's it, she's done]. As for GLaDOS, yes, Wheatley's pretty stupid, but you have to remember that she doesn't actually have a whole lot of choice. We see eight different cores throughout Portal, and dumb as Wheatley is, he's shown to be the smartest of all of them. Insomuch as prospective partners go, Wheatley is shown to have some grasp on his environment and he adapts quickly and usefully [in his own way] to it. In contrast, Rick has a grasp on his environment, but he doesn't seem to be able to understand what to do about it [there's no point into going about a speech about non-existent black belts or waists when it's actually not helpful; when Wheatley goes on rants, it's usually while he's doing something else that needs done]. Wheatley is also able to plan and learn from both his mistakes and from other people's. Due to his disorganised nature, he can't plan very far ahead, but his plans are both coherent and effective. If GLaDOS had reason to look for a partner, either merely as a friend or romantically, as unlikely as it sounds, Wheatley is actually her best choice [other than building one herself, of course, which would in the end not satisfy her at all].

So he's beginning to realise, "Yeah, I like pretty much everything about this person", and so he's starting to understand a little bit just why he likes snuggling so much. GLaDOS is beginning to do it as well, with the unexplained staring behaviour, but right now she's only really doing it when she's got her guard down and she's not doing it on purpose, whereas Wheatley is.