Part 23. The Reunion
It had to be a dream.
He stared at the chassis and the chassis stared back at him, and he shook his own chassis in disbelief and asked, "Is that you?"
As soon as he'd gotten over the shock of realising that he had, somehow, rebooted GLaDOS, Wheatley had immediately rushed to her chamber almost on reflex, moving so quickly that the panels almost couldn't lay rail fast enough. He muttered a low apology to them as he moved because he could tell that they were just as shocked and unable to think as he was, but they did not answer. And now here he was, sitting just inside the doorway of her chamber. Staring at her and praying that she would answer his question in some way that would show him that the unlikely really had happened.
"I… I'm not sure," the construct said. "I think it is."
"How can you not be sure?"
"Because… I was dead. I know I was dead. I remember that. I don't remember coming back to life."
He came a little closer. "Something… something broke, when, uh… when it happened. What was it?"
"One of my processors. One of them has burned out."
"So… so maybe you weren't actually dead… maybe… maybe you were just, I dunno, suspended."
She shook her head. "No, I was definitely dead. I crashed. I know I did. There's only one way I would have gotten out of that."
"I have no idea how it happened. One second the panels are on the ground, the next they're, they're rearranging themselves."
She shook her core again and looked away. "I would have to have been restarted… but I don't even know how someone would do that. The only thing I can think of is… you must have done it by mistake."
"Sounds like me, doesn't it," he admitted. She started suddenly and looked back at him.
"Wheatley… Wheatley, you saved my life."
Wow. Now he was feeling all wonderful and fuzzy inside, and the longer she talked, the less noticeable the pain of missing her became. He still did, a little, because he wasn't quite sure if it was really her and he didn't want to believe it was until he was absolutely certain. "It… makes up for killing you, I suppose."
"It worked, you know," she said quietly. "I was able to make sense of it, but it was too late. I'd been over capacity for too long. I remember… understanding, for just a second, and then the processor burned out, and…"
"And?" he asked softly.
"There were a lot of things in that last second. I was ashamed of myself for not seeing it before it was too late. I was happy that I'd seen it at all. I felt regret that you would never know it had worked, and I was… sad, because… I knew I'd never see you again."
Wheatley whimpered helplessly. "So was I, GLaDOS."
"Thank you," GLaDOS told him softly. "I can never repay you for what you've done."
"It was my own fault in the first place."
"All you did was say exactly what was on your mind. I would never expect, or want, anything less. No matter what happens as a result."
He was whining a little because he was feeling so sad for her, and he made himself stop. Now wasn't the time to fall apart. "It hurt, having you gone. It was… it was horrible. I didn't know what to do."
"That doesn't appear to be entirely true."
Wheatley blinked. "It isn't?"
"I'm picking up a lot of files that have been created since I was… gone. The mainframe is also failing to appreciate that I'm trying to have a reunion here and keeps bringing up things I need to do."
"You should… you should probably do them."
"I'm a bit busy at the moment. And you seem to have been doing them just fine."
He shook his chassis. "I haven't. I've been doing them, but not very well. Very badly, actually."
"That's not true," she said gently. "I can see that you weren't quite up to doing everything, but what you did do, you succeeded at."
"Thanks," he mumbled. "I… I had a lot of help."
"I'm impressed. I never would have predicted that you could take charge like this. And you didn't give up. You didn't get bored and move on."
"I just wanted to make the hurting stop," he whispered. "So I had to do what you would do and keep trying to do something that was worth it, and that was the best thing I could think of, to make the hurt go away."
"I'm sorry to hear you were in pain, Wheatley."
He shook his chassis. "It's okay. I got through it. I managed."
"Why are you staying over there, anyway? I am real, you know. I think. I don't want to get into the logistics right now."
"I just… I can't believe it. I never thought you'd… I never thought I'd see you again."
"Well, come here," GLaDOS said. "I have something to tell you."
"I can hear you fine over here," he said, confused.
"Will you just come over here, you moron?"
Ohhh, it was her. It was really her, it really was, and all of a sudden he couldn't keep himself from moving, and as soon as he was able he was up in front of her. "That was fast," GLaDOS remarked.
"It's been a long time," he said sadly, and she nodded a little.
They just looked at each other for a few moments, Wheatley still barely able to believe she was alive. She was alive, and he hadn't killed her, and she was okay, and he was going to be okay, because now he had his Gladys back and he would be okay as long as he had her.
He noticed that her optic was moving around rather a lot in short, jerky movements, and he asked, "Are you alright?"
"Yes," she answered slowly, "yes, I'm fine. It's… something else. Something different."
"You don't have to tell me. It can wait."
"No. It can't."
He resolved to wait quietly, as best as he was able, and try to be supportive. Whatever it was was making her incredibly nervous, so he needed to be more patient than he'd ever been before.
She wasn't shaking… was she?
He was getting a bit scared now, because maybe something was wrong. He didn't think he could take it if something happened to her again so soon, but he did his best to clamp down on it. It was useless to be scared now. He could be happy again and he didn't need to be afraid anymore. She was okay.
She lowered her core for a minute, and when she lifted it again he was surprised to see that her optic was off. Maybe something was wrong. He hoped not. He really, really hoped not.
Very slowly she brought her core to his hull, and this time he tried not to be shocked or stunned, to really feel it, this time. She really was shaking, she was scared and he didn't understand why, but he had to be calm and comforting right now. She'd just woken up after a really horrid death and she was sure to be almost as unsteady as he'd been when she'd been gone.
She had brought her core to his with an agonising slowness, but now that they were touching she was nuzzling him with quick, short movements, and he really, really wished he felt about to cry. It was so wonderful and so sad at the same time to know that she was finally able to admit that she cared about him. That she wanted to be with him and that she wanted him to know that. He returned her gesture, but more slowly, trying to be gentle and comforting. He was so sad and yet so content at the same time, and it was terribly odd, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was that GLaDOS was back, and he could go back to being with her and talking to her and trying to make her feel special, because she was so very special, and he hoped he was succeeding at making her comfortable with what she was doing.
"What're you afraid of?" he asked quietly.
"I'm afraid that this is a dream," she answered, in a voice that he barely heard, but that was unsteady and scared and sent a twinge of sadness through him. "I'm afraid that this is a dream, and I'm still dead and I've gone to hell, and this is some scheme someone cooked up to torture me. I'm waiting for the part where I find out you're not real, and none of this is real, and I'm going to wake up and this is all going to end."
He pressed against her a little harder, trying to send the message that he was real and this was all real. If it wasn't, he was going to have one nasty wakeup call himself.
"It's all real, luv," he told her in a hushed voice. "Y'know how you can tell?"
"How?"
"There's no pain in a dream, remember?"
She pulled away and looked at him for a long moment. It was too long, far too long. He wanted nothing more than for her to keep on touching him, to keep showing him that she was real, because he would never dare dream anything like this and he needed to be reassured that it wasn't a dream just as much as she did.
"I'm so proud of you, Wheatley," she whispered, in one of the most tender voices he'd ever heard out of her, and she caressed him again, still shaking but seeming more sure of herself. "You've come a long way."
"I'm proud of you too, luv," he whispered back, feeling like he was going to break from all the feelings inside him. She was proud of him? He'd never imagined that would happen, not ever, and he was just so happy and able to be proud of himself, on top of everything else, and he just felt like he couldn't contain it all. "For, for figuring it out. So we… so we can be together."
She stopped moving, but did not remove her core from his. "… you still want to?"
"'course I do," he answered, rubbing up on her a little more and then stopping as well. To make her comfortable he'd have to follow her lead, even though he really would've liked for her to gone on doing that for quite a lot longer.
"But you don't need me anymore. You've gotten past your programming."
"I'll always need you, GLaDOS," he said softly. "And I'm still an idiot. Just a slightly more responsible one."
She giggled a little at that, and he smiled. "I love it when you do that," he murmured.
"I remember," she answered. "I remember all of it."
"And you go on rememb'ring it when you feel like you can't believe it."
"I will," she answered. She backed away, but not too far, shaking her core a little. He could not stop watching her. God, he was happy that she was alive. He never wanted to be away from her again.
"I'll never say it again," he promised.
She looked him up and down in one quick movement. "Why not?"
"Because it killed you!"
"That won't happen again," she assured him. "I've come to grips with it now. I understand. And I… it's… kind of sad, to think you might never say it again."
"Can I say it now?" he asked, moving as close to her as he could without actually touching her.
"What? Now? The novelty of the first time has already worn off?"
He laughed, and he was feeling so relieved and happy that he almost didn't know what to do with himself. "It wore off a long time ago, luv."
"If you must," she sighed.
"No," Wheatley mused, "no, you're right, it's too soon. I'll uh, I'll wait a few years and then come back to it, get back to you."
She made an electronic noise in irritation. "I hate you."
"Hm. So, so it won't be any loss to you if I, if I keep it to myself for a bit."
"Of course not. Why would I care what a little moron like you has to say?"
"I think you do, or I'd still be in spa-ace," he said in a singsong voice.
"God, you're annoying as hell already. I almost wish I was still dead. At least then I was able to forget what your irritating voice sounded like."
"I can speak American, if you like," he remarked, smiling sweetly at her. She shook herself in disgust.
"Please don't. It almost actually hurts when you do that."
"Hey, GLaDOS?"
"Yes, metal ball?"
"I love you."
She looked at him with her core tilted to the right, and when he caressed her again, just once, she returned the gesture. "I'm glad to hear that," she said softly.
"And I am glad to hear that," he announced.
"I'm trying to come up with a reason why I should care, and failing miserably."
"Because this was meant to be, GLaDOS!" he declared, jumping up and down a little. "I was made for you!"
She started giggling again, looking away, and he smiled and pressed himself into the side of her core. "Never say that again. Or I will kill you. I will have to scrape you off the floor."
"You won't do it."
"Don't test me."
"I thought you loved tests! Don't you want to do one with me?" God, he couldn't stop smiling. He didn't think he'd ever been so happy in his entire life.
"That's true. However, I prefer it when my… subjects make it through at least one test. We already know that I can overload the load bearing threshold of your chassis. Please don't force me to rebuild you again, by the way. Only idiots are that inconsiderate. Oh, wait. You are an idiot."
He did not take offense. She wasn't even trying to sound serious, her voice lighter and more playful than it'd ever been. When she gave him a rough shove so much joy swelled up inside of him that he had to clamp his optic plates together and press very hard into her core, because there was just so much of it he thought he was going to fall apart. But he couldn't do that, ohhh no, because she was back and he was not going to waste any of his precious second chance.
After a while the banter died out, and she regarded him in a thoughtful sort of way. "You're still running several of the most essential processes."
He shrugged and looked at the floor. "Wasn't going to, to just shut them off."
"But you haven't asked for me to take them. Surely you're tired of running them by now."
After a little bit of consideration, he was a little surprised to discover that he wasn't. He was feeling a bit overtasked, but that was to be expected. He was being overtasked. And though that feeling wasn't terribly pleasant, the pride he felt for himself in keeping all of it going was far stronger than that. He actually felt as though he'd accomplished something. He'd kept all of those things going every day, almost to the point where he did them without thinking about it. That was pretty significant for a Sphere who'd formerly done pretty much nothing. He was not only running the processes, but the essential ones, and he'd not broken anything! It was pretty bloody amazing, now that he'd thought about it. He must have been reflecting his thoughts somehow, because GLaDOS asked in a confused voice, "What?"
"Well, I… I'd like to keep them, if I could," he answered shyly, knowing full well she might not take that very well. He knew she hated not being in control of things almost as much as she hated humans, and that was… quite a scary thought. But she only made a thoughtful noise and tipped her core a little.
"You want to keep them."
"I… I like running them. It's… I just want to. That's all. Just want to." He had a sudden realisation and added, "And 'sides, you said you uh, said you burned out that processor. Surely you could uh, could use some help. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm sure you don't uh, don't need it, prob'ly don't even want it, but uh, bet you could use it, right? Even a little bit?"
"Well, you can't run all of them. You're going to burn out your own processors. If you in fact have any. I'm still not sure about that. So pick some to terminate and I'll take it from there."
He had to admit she was probably right about that, so he chose to maintain the nuclear reactor and the lights and quit the rest of the processes. It was definitely a relief to see them go. He felt much more relaxed and a lot more like himself, now that the pressure to keep things going was gone. GLaDOS made a satisfied sort of noise and returned to her previous position, which Wheatley happily took advantage of by leaning up on her again.
They ended up in a very lovely and companionable silence, though a mere few minutes later GLaDOS moved away from him again. He frowned and gave her his best pleading look, but she was regarding the panels, one of which waved at her a little and then returned to its former position. She looked around the room without moving her chassis, suddenly dipping her core and looking at the floor with it tipped a little bit sideways.
"What is it?" he asked softly, hoping she would tell him what was bothering her. She shifted, not answering, and he did his best to be patient.
"I never realised before," she finally told him in a low voice, looking up a little but not very much, "just how much… and what I mean to people." She said the last part so quietly she almost wasn't speaking at all, but Wheatley managed to puzzle it out after a few moments of thought and looked down at her sadly.
"You mean a lot to ev'ryone," he told her softly, not sure whether or not he should move closer. "People wouldn't um, wouldn't hang around you if they didn't think you were worth it. And you are. We all know that and it's um, it's why we're still here."
"I should have known that." To his surprise she sounded angry. "I should have thought about it. And I didn't. If I had, I could have avoided all of this."
"GLaDOS… GLaDOS, don't," he said desperately, and he did go down beside her now. "Don't do that to yourself. You, you didn't realise and there's, there's no use in moping over something you can't change, right?"
"I know," she sighed, lifting her core in a tired sort of way, "and yet I find myself calculating the outcomes again anyway."
"Well… well, now you know, right?"
She nodded vaguely and lowered herself into the default position, Wheatley quickly following her. He gave her a shy little nuzzle and whispered, "I'm glad you're back, luv."
"Thank you, Wheatley," she told him quietly. "For everything."
Though he was still pretty tired from the last while and all the work he'd been doing and was still going to do, he kept himself awake long enough to make sure she'd gone to sleep and not just started moping. Just as he was about to shut himself down the panels spoke up with a hushed, Bluecore?
"Yeah?"
We would like to thank you for everything as well. If there is ever anything you need, please do not hesitate to ask.
He smiled.
"Same t'you."
Author's note
Before I say anything about this chapter, I'd just like to say thank you to stillalivedoingscience. I had no idea you were supporting me over on tumblr and I'm so grateful for it. Thank you very much.
The song for today is Clarity – Zedd [ watch?v=57pzx5t_zGg]
To my guest reviewer from last week, I can't help you with your confusion because I don't know what confused you. To anyone reading this, if you have a question please do not ask it as a guest review. I can't help you and neither can anyone else. If you don't have an account you can ask me via deviantart, tumblr, Wattpad or AO3. On AO3 and tumblr my username is stilliammemyself (because iammemyself was taken on both). I'm not trying to be rude or unappreciative; I just want to make sure things are understood, especially if people want to know. Thank you.
So… um… yeah. I don't think anything in this chapter needs explanation. Except maybe the bit where they're fooling around. They're acting a bit silly and weird because that's what people do when something really, really terrible has been barely avoided and they're just trying to accept that they made it out okay. They're just like "Everything is okay, but I didn't expect this to happen so I have no idea what to do now except make stupid jokes".