Part Thirty. The Secret
Sometimes Wheatley wondered if GLaDOS listened to him at all.
Even though he'd tried to make it very clear that she needed to slow down, and stop working so hard, and let things sink in, she hadn't. She wasn't snappy or irritated, at least, but she was quite obviously not sleeping. She was listless and distracted during the day, seeming to feel the weight of her chassis more than ever, and more than once he caught her actually falling asleep. He never woke her up, instead hoping that she would sleep for a while and hopefully be able to apply more attention to things, but to his disappointment she always snapped awake after a couple of minutes and would look around dazedly before returning to whatever it was she was doing. He didn't want to bother her, because if she finished whatever it was perhaps she'd return to normal, but honestly a dazed, confused GLaDOS was quite frightening. He wasn't sure he could leave her to it, whatever it was, for very much longer.
"GLaDOS," he asked her one afternoon, when Caroline had gone down for her nap, "are you quite alright?"
"I'm fine," she said, her voice faint and feeble and not fine at all.
"You seem quite tired," he pressed, not happy with her answer in the least.
"Oh, you know. Just working."
"You're working rather hard," he snapped by accident, cringing at his accusatory tone, but she didn't seem to notice.
"I do what I must."
They followed this exact same line of conversation for the next several days, with GLaDOS getting even less convincing as time went on. When they'd gone through that one day and she'd fallen asleep for the rest of the afternoon, which she'd never done before and didn't seem to have realised she'd done when she woke up, Wheatley decided it was high time to see what she was doing all night that was so important.
Nothing happened.
Wheatley stared into the dark for a very, very long time, getting more and more annoyed with every minute that went by, fuming at her for being so bloody secretive. She wasn't doing anything! None of it made any sense, none at all. She just lay here all night, not sleeping? Why? And why wouldn't she tell him that? Wasn't hard, was it? Just to say, "Wheatley, I don't want to do anything and –"
Wait. That wasn't… it was. It was.
Wheatley nearly jumped out of his chassis, remembering at the last second that he was spying on GLaDOS and that he couldn't move. So he concentrated very hard on being still, even though his little daughter was whimpering and crying a little.
"Ssh," GLaDOS whispered.
Wheatley's optic constricted. Oh. So… she had been working. And… and doing a very important job, at that. He forced himself to remain very still as GLaDOS carefully shifted off of him and leaned forward, and as he watched she nuzzled Caroline very gently. She quieted, still whimpering a little, but leaning into GLaDOS and closing her optic.
"It's all right," GLaDOS murmured, pulling back a little but not too far. "Mommy's here."
Wheatley began to feel considerably terrible. He'd been a real jerk, thinking GLaDOS had been putting work ahead of everything when she'd really been staying up to watch Caroline. He wasn't sure why she was doing it, but whatever had caused Caroline to wake up had obviously bothered her tremendously, because she was still whimpering and looking at GLaDOS pleadingly.
"Take a look inside your heart… what once seemed fair today, tomorrow it may not… just a walk or a journey… don't stop reaching high… don't let the time pass you by… so many ways that you can try to forget… so many ways you'll find you wake up to regret… someday, one day, we'll say live life, I know… hold on, hold tight… don't let go, don't lose sight…"
Wheatley was going to do something horrible to himself, and no matter what it was he thought of, it would not be bad enough.
"Feeling like the road, is winding you on every turn… but there are lessons to learn… take a look inside your heart… what once seemed impossible, today is not… so many ways that you can try to forget… so many ways you'll find you wake up to regret… someday, one day, we'll say live life, I know… hold on, hold tight… don't let go…"
Caroline stopped whimpering and relaxed, blinking up at GLaDOS and rocking back and forth a little. GLaDOS nuzzled her again, and she smiled and wiggled up against her core.
"I can't imagine, I can't imagine, making it on your own… you've got it inside, you've got it inside of you… so let it out… someday, one day, we'll say live life, I know… hold on, hold tight… don't let go, don't lose sight…"
Caroline cooed happily and seemed to grow sleepy, leaning back as far as the control arm would allow and blinking drowsily at GLaDOS. GLaDOS laughed gently and gave her a little shove.
"Live life… don't let go… live life… live life…," she whispered, as Caroline's optic shuttered slowly, and nuzzled her one last time before lowering herself back into the default position.
"GLaDOS, I'm so sorry," Wheatley blurted out, and GLaDOS jumped, snapping up to look at him.
"What are you doing?" she asked, sounding panicked. Wheatley shook his head frantically and waved his lower handle in submission.
"I only wanted to know what's been preoccupying you! And you wouldn't tell me! So I had to spy on you! And I've been, I've been thinking awful things of you when, when you've not been just, just overworking yourself, and, and…"
She turned away from him, looking down at Caroline again.
"What… what've you been doing, luv?" he asked gently, looking at her in concern. "Why couldn't you just tell me what you were doing?"
"It was… personal," she answered, shifting uncomfortably.
"Tell me what's going on," he pressed in a soft voice. "You haven't got to take things on by yourself! Why was she awake, anyways?"
"She… dreams," GLaDOS said, sounding reluctant. "Once a night, she'll wake from it. Or them, I suppose."
"But how did you know?"
"One night she cried and it woke me up. I… know what it's like to… wake up alone and confused, and… I didn't want it to happen to her again. So I've watched for it ever since."
"Gladys…" Wheatley whispered, staring at her in wonder. "That's… that's really quite sweet of you."
She shook her core. "So now you know. She woke up early tonight, and I'm exhausted, so if you don't mind I'll be shutting off."
"There must be something's can be done," Wheatley protested, mentally shocking himself. They could discuss it later, and he'd gone and brought that up anyway.
"If I knew what to do about it, do you think I'd be doing this," GLaDOS asked tiredly, though it didn't sound too much like a question. "I hate being tired all the time. I hate not being able to finish anything. And I hate that the mainframe keeps pestering me about all the work I'm not remembering to do. But I don't know what else to do. Hopefully this will pass. But until then, I'll do what I must."
"Well… you go on, and… and get some rest," Wheatley said, feeling a bit guilty. "I'll… I'll try to think of something."
"Even a terrible idea would be better than none, I suppose," GLaDOS told him. Wheatley laughed a little, shoving up on her.
"You're never gonna um, gonna let that go, are you."
"God no, there are far too many uses to be made of it. Now shut up."
"Sweet dreams, luv," he whispered, and she gave him a little shove and shut off.
Wheatley stared down at Caroline, who he now noticed moved in her sleep just as GLaDOS did, just little twitches of her optic or her handles, and he suddenly felt terribly left out. He only dreamed in Very Traumatic Situations. And sure, maybe dreaming wasn't that much of a good thing, but it was something he couldn't share with them. Unless he connected wirelessly with GLaDOS and watched hers, but considering that she usually remembered some event or other and she liked to keep her past to herself, he wasn't going to. Out of respect, and all that.
After a couple of hours of fruitless thought, Wheatley shut off as well, and when he woke up GLaDOS was already on. He sighed and tried to convince her to go back to sleep, but she had none of it. They got into an argument about whether she should sleep or not, and eventually she said something about the mainframe being annoyed with her, and Wheatley shouted, "Well, I'm annoyed with you as well! Come on, who d'you really need to placate, here?"
"Obviously not you," GLaDOS answered. "Nothing depends on you being satisfied."
Which had started a whole new argument about whether or not Wheatley was important, and the argument lasted so long that Caroline went to sleep. When that happened, GLaDOS said suddenly, "All right. I'll rest for a while."
Wheatley stared from her to Caroline and back again, momentarily baffled, then stammering, "You… you were waiting for that the whole time?"
"Yes," GLaDOS answered simply.
"Well why didn't you just say that?" Wheatley demanded, enraged.
"We just argued for six hours straight. Obviously some things needed to be said. And now they have been."
Wheatley stared at her speechlessly for another five minutes, trying to refute her in some way, but the sad fact of it was, she was sort of right. After he'd gotten over his shock, he looked sadly down at the floor, clenching his chassis in apprehension. They fought an awful lot of the time… maybe… maybe they weren't a good fit for each other. Wheatley knew that he loved her, and even if he hadn't been sure it was pretty easy to measure how he felt about her against how he felt about Caroline. He knew for sure that he loved Caroline, and he felt the same way about GLaDOS, but more powerfully. So not only did he love her, but he loved her more than he loved Caroline… but if they fought like that, then maybe… well… he winced just thinking about it. GLaDOS had to love him back. He didn't know how he would be able to stand it if she didn't. Maybe they were just having a bit of a rough spot. Maybe this was what happened after two people started raising a child together. He didn't like the idea of blaming their problems on Caroline, because nothing was really the poor thing's fault, but he and GLaDOS had been getting along a lot better before she'd been woken up…
No, maybe he was being selfish. GLaDOS was bound to be having a hard time lately. She'd just woken after being dead, Caroline had left, she was learning how to be a mum… he needed to be patient. He'd much prefer GLaDOS argue with him to work out her stress instead of doing something else, like becoming sullen or violent. "I'll try to be better, sweetheart," he whispered, looking over at her sadly. He had to be supportive, and he wasn't being supportive, not at all. He couldn't get upset with her for her problems when he'd known from the beginning that she had them. She needed help to solve them, and he knew that, so he'd better stop getting angry whenever she tried to hide or trivialise one of them. That was what she did. That was all she knew how to do. He emulated taking a breath and resettled his chassis. Happy thoughts, Wheatley, he told himself. You know how marvellous she is when she feels good, mate. Be patient, and helpful, and those days will come back.
Having dealt with that, Wheatley again turned his attention to trying to work out what to do about Caroline's dreams. GLaDOS hadn't mentioned when it'd started, which would've been helpful, but she had said that she knew what it was like to be alone and confused… so Caroline must be feeling alone and confused too. Else the dreams wouldn't make her cry. Okay, okay, so he knew that… What could they do to make sure she didn't feel alone when she woke up at night…
Wheatley was playing the blinking game with Caroline later that evening when GLaDOS finally came out of sleep mode, and Wheatley looked up to see her lifting herself heavily, looking like she was still half asleep. "Good evening, luv!" he said, blinking. "Feeling better?"
"No," she mumbled in irritation, looking cursorily around the room. "The mainframe's been pestering me for hours."
"Are you quite sure you don't want to delete it?" Wheatley scowled, tapping Caroline on top of her chassis to make her quiet down. She was starting to make inquisitive noises at him, wiggling impatiently. "I know you said you didn't want to, but…"
"Even if I did, I can't build a new mainframe right now," she snapped. "I have far too many other things to do."
"Just a suggestion," Wheatley shrugged, trying to stay calm. He didn't appreciate being snapped at when he was trying to be nice, but he forced himself to imagine how it might feel for someone to be talking at him constantly while he was sleeping and concluded that the sleep would not be very restful at all. He turned back to Caroline and blinked at her a few times, and she made an excited noise and blinked back.
"God, I'm sorry," GLaDOS said despondently, making Wheatley look back up at her out of concern for the uncharacteristic tone of voice. She had shut her optic off and was shaking her core back and forth very slowly. "I know it's my own fault, but I'm just so tired…"
"You were doing a wonderful thing, Gladys," he said, trying to sound encouraging. "I know you feel terrible, but uh, but Carrie does need to come first, and, and you're doing a splendid job of, of doing just that."
"At what cost?"
"Well, I've thought of a solution," Wheatley told her, doing his best not to sound overly triumphant. "You mentioned you felt alone and confused when uh, when it happened to you. When you woke in the night, I mean."
"Yes."
"So we just have her sleep with us," Wheatley shrugged. "No reason she can't, really. She'll wake up, be upset for a bit, realised she's propped in between us and go back to sleep!"
But she surprised him by shaking her head almost before he'd finished talking. "I don't like that plan," she said quickly.
"Why?" Wheatley asked, baffled. It sounded perfect to him.
"Because."
"Because why…"
She actually looked like she was squirming, and Wheatley frowned. "Gladys?"
"Well, that means… you… she'll be between us, right?"
"Yeah?"
"That's… the part I don't like."
"You don't want her touching you?" Suddenly something lit up in Wheatley's brain, and he wanted to jump up and snuggle her right then and there. "Ohhh, I get it. Well, luv, we can always snuggle before she goes to sleep. Or for a while after. Just so long as she's with us when we're both asleep, right?"
"I suppose," she said, a little petulantly, and Wheatley was a bit encouraged despite himself. Sometimes he doubted whether GLaDOS wanted him around or not, and then something like this would happen and his confidence would be restored. She was jealous of Caroline! She wanted Wheatley all to herself. He wanted to jump up and down and do something to celebrate, but she wouldn't like that, not at all. "Listen. C'mere, and we can do that and play with her at the same time. And don't tell me you have work to do. You're obviously too tired."
She obliged without comment, and they played with Caroline for the rest of the evening. Caroline, Wheatley noticed, looked especially pleased, playing with even more enthusiasm than she had before GLaDOS had joined them. Caroline loved attention, he knew that, but it was pretty obvious to him, at least, that she really wanted attention from her mum. He tried not to be jealous. She was dreadfully like her mum already, so it made sense that she'd want GLaDOS to pay attention to her. And besides. Caroline might want GLaDOS's attention, but GLaDOS wanted his, so it all worked out rather marvellously. And he rather felt like he'd gotten the better end of the deal. Caroline was a wonderful little daughter, and would probably grow into a wonderful AI, but he was sure she would never, ever become as dear to him as GLaDOS was. Maybe a sort of cruel thing for him to think, but that was how he felt, and if there's one thing he'd learned from all this, it was that you should follow your feelings. He'd done that, and look where it'd gotten him.
Finally Caroline grew tired and increasingly failed to keep up with the game. Wheatley turned to GLaDOS. "Now okay, or d'you need more time?"
"Now's fine," she answered, and lowered herself into the default position, Wheatley carefully moving Caroline against her when she'd done so. She cooed sleepily and nestled herself into GLaDOS's core, and Wheatley smiled. She was so bloody cute, she was.
"G'night, luv," he whispered, placing himself on the other side of Caroline. She wiggled and made one of her delighted noises, and he shushed her gently. "I'll stay up for a bit to make sure it worked, alright? You get some rest. If there's a problem I promise I'll let you know."
"All right," GLaDOS answered, her voice a faint whisper. "And Wheatley…"
"Yes?"
"I… it was a good idea."
"Thanks," he whispered back, trying to contain his excitement. "Go to sleep, now."
It was difficult, staying up all by himself, but somehow Wheatley managed it. He was bored out of his mind, but he was pretty pleased when he heard Caroline wake, make an inquisitive noise followed by a contented one, and go right back to sleep.
Ohhh, what a wonderful life he had.
It only got better the next morning, because GLaDOS woke up several hours later than she usually did, and not only that, but she stretched her chassis in that wonderful languid way that Wheatley liked, twisting and shaking herself out just a little and actually yawning in quite an adorable fashion, especially for someone who didn't need to breathe. Wheatley grinned up at her and called out a greeting, which she responded to with a nod and brought herself down to give Caroline a nudge, which she liked very much. GLaDOS was quite obviously below her operating standard for most of the morning, and Wheatley was quite pleased when she took his suggestion to join Caroline for her afternoon nap. Caroline was obviously happy with this arrangement, if her enthusiastic squirming against GLaDOS's core was anything to go by, but Wheatley managed to calm her down without too much trouble. For the next little while he just sat and watched them, wondering if their proximity would cause them to see each other's dreams. He hoped not. For Caroline's sake, anyway. He doubted Caroline had any dreams that would overly bother GLaDOS. He did wonder what a tiny little construct such as her could possibly dream about, seeing as she hadn't been around that long. He did find himself a bit bored and lonely every now and again, but watching GLaDOS sleep with her little daughter was one of the most adorable things Wheatley had ever seen in his life, and that was mostly enough to keep him occupied. It got even better, somehow, because they both woke up at exactly the same time at the exact same rate, and Wheatley laughed at how bafflingly synchronised they were. GLaDOS shifted, glancing over at him.
"What?" she said, her voice unsteady and thick with sleep.
"Oh, nothing," Wheatley smiled, fetching Caroline and putting her down on the panel. Caroline didn't really like this plan, he could tell by the way her gaze was fixed on GLaDOS, but she didn't complain. "Don't worry about it."
"Hmph," GLaDOS said, shaking her core, but said nothing more. She was in a wonderful mood for the rest of the day, apparently getting simply loads of work done, and she even took Wheatley's suggestion to rest again when Caroline fell asleep that evening. She didn't go to sleep herself, but she allowed Wheatley to place Caroline against her, and as Caroline slept she played Monopoly with him, giving him all of her attention. That usually meant she wasn't really working, which sort of worried him because her workload must've piled up quite high by now, but she shrugged it off when he asked about it and told him she was putting a hotel on Boardwalk.
Later on Caroline was occupying herself by making a lot of quiet noise and looking across the room as if there were something to see over there, so Wheatley decided this was a lovely time to snuggle with GLaDOS and made her stay still so they could do so. "Gladys," he whispered after a while, "you said that uh, that you knew what it felt like to wake up um, alone and confused."
"I do," she answered.
"Not… not lately, though, right?"
"No. Not lately. A long time ago. A few times when I had that last set of cores, I think. I can't quite remember. A lot of what happened then is a bit fuzzy. Why," she asked, suddenly sounding amused, "are you going to protect me from the monsters in the shadows?"
"If… if I could," he mumbled shyly. She laughed gently and gave him a nuzzle, which sent a pleasant tingly feeling down his hull. "Um… you said it was alright if, if we fought. Even… if it's for uh, for six hours straight. How's that, luv?"
"Because what matters is what happens afterward," GLaDOS answered. "There's only a problem if the concerns in the argument aren't addressed. And I've mentioned before that it's important no one goes away angry. I wasn't angry. I just needed to argue."
"I guess we both did," Wheatley admitted. "I wonder how much longer it'd've gone on for."
"I could have made it last all day," GLaDOS told him, "though I'd nearly had enough."
"But Gladys," Wheatley said, taking a breath inside his head, "how do we know if… well… y'know, we care about each other, if… if we fight. Shouldn't… shouldn't we not fight at all?"
"In a perfect world, I suppose. But you're not perfect, so you can see where the problem is."
Wheatley laughed and nestled into her core, closing his optic contentedly. "So, so fighting's good, long's we don't do it all the time, right?"
"I'm not going to just tell you things, so yes, you're going to have to argue with me."
"Why not?" he asked quietly.
"Sometimes I don't even know what they are before we start arguing."
"Tell me things," he told her softly. "I want to know."
"I know," she said, sounding a little resigned, "but it's not easy."
"It would get easier if you'd do it more."
"Shut up," she said, giving him a shove. "You're supposed to be stupid, remember?"
"I don't want to be stupid anymore!" he said, a bit more petulantly than he'd meant, and inwardly he cringed.
"You're not," was her quiet reply.
Wheatley went quiet, leaning against her and hoping Caroline didn't go to sleep for a good long time, because he needed badly to snuggle with his Gladys in order to feel better.
"Gladys," he asked hesitantly after a few minutes.
"Mm."
"Did… did you mean it?"
"I did." She shifted, her fans revving momentarily. "Wheatley, did you really think after all those conversations about me letting myself grow, that you weren't going to do the same?"
"I don't know," he whispered, looking at the floor. "I… I never really thought about it."
She shifted again. "You have. You've changed a lot."
"Will… will you promise me something?"
"All right."
"Promise that we'll always work things out?" Wheatley said pleadingly. "We'll have it out if, if we need to, but we'll always work it out?"
"I promise," GLaDOS said solemnly.
"I promise too." He pressed into her and closed his optic again, and she pressed back, just a little. She moved again, and he frowned. "You alright?"
"I'm tired," she said, a little reluctantly. "I know I slept all day, but I'm just… drained. I have no energy at all."
"You c'n lie down, if you like," Wheatley said, moving off of her in case she did.
"Not now," GLaDOS told him. "Then she'll think we're going to sleep."
He laughed. "Aha, I see." He rotated his body a little, then said daringly, "Want me all to yourself, eh?"
"There's no right answer to that question."
He pressed himself into her again and smiled. "Nice save, luv."
Caroline fell asleep soon after that, so reluctantly Wheatley backed off of GLaDOS and placed Caroline between them. He was sorely wishing he'd not come up with the idea. He didn't want the little construct in between them. He wanted his Gladys all to himself! But apparently this was something that happened when two people raised a child too. They didn't get lovely snuggling time to themselves. Though GLaDOS seemed to be pretty much done snuggling; she went to sleep soon's Caroline was settled. But Wheatley stared into the dark for quite a long time after. He had a lot of thinking to do.
Author's note
Live Life – Crush 40 [ watch?v=F54YnDn1xYU]
Brown: Yes, I usually try to remember to answer people's reviews. It's easier when I can PM them, and sometimes I forget to address guest reviews because I have to add them to my AN file. Yes, 30K. Operating systems literally do have millions of lines (Vista had over 50 million, so GLaDOS would possibly have over a billion lines because of the level of redundancy I'd imagine Aperture to have, not to mention her complexity)… Caroline's not even at Wheatley's level yet, but GLaDOS actually did pretty well, considering! No, I don't read those comics. And GLaDOS put Caroline together, so I don't think she needs to take her apart XD
Round Three goes to GLaDOS! Round of applause, she got something right XD
GLaDOS gets tired because her system is unable to clean itself out when she's awake. Being all cluttered up with bad code makes her tired.
I think I forgot to mention this before, but Caroline gets tired because I read somewhere once that small children need to sleep a lot to allow all the information they receive to sink into their brains. It is true of adults, so I didn't do any research. It's not that she's tired in the way that GLaDOS is; it's more that her system shuts her down so it can figure out what to do with all the information it just received.