Part Thirty-Three. The Daughter

I wanna be big like Momma when I grow up.

Right now I am very little, I am littler than Daddy, even, an' he is much littler than Momma. When I asked him why he never got big like Momma, he laughed an' said, "Your mum's a diff'rent kind of robot, sweetheart. She's always been like that."

I know that I am a robot, an' that Momma an' Daddy are both robots too, but when I ask Momma why all of us are very different from each other, she says to ask her again in a little while.

"But Momma," I ask her, "why do your other robots got legs?" We don't got legs and I dunno why. Daddy taught me how to use this rail thingy we use to move 'cause we don't got legs. I wanted Momma to show me but she said I had to do it with Daddy 'cause she was busy. Momma's busy a lot.

"They need them to do their job," she says patiently, like always, even though I asked her a gajillion times an' I a'ready know the answer.

"Can I have a job too, Momma?"

"Ask me again in a little while."

I don' think Momma wants to give me one. Momma has lots of jobs, lots an' lots an' lots of them, an' sometimes I got to be quiet while she does them, but if I am good, when she is done she will sing to me! Momma has the prettiest voice I ever heard, even prettier than all them ones she's got in the music she listens to sometimes! Sometimes she will do it if she thinks I am sleeping, even though I am sure she knows I'm not really an' she's just pretending with me. Momma knows everything 'bout everything an' if I am patient an' I listen real hard, I will know everything about everything too. Daddy always says that I am smart like Momma, but I don' think I am. I want to be one day. I want to be smart so that I can help her with her jobs, so she don' got to work so much. Momma's always workin'.

One time Daddy said he was taking me on an a'venture, an' I said he had to wait so I could go talk to Momma first. He said okay an' I went real fast into Momma's room an' I went up to her real quick an' I said, "Momma, Momma!"

"Yes?" she asked, an' she looked at me with her funny yellow optic. I don't know why it looks like that, but I like it when she plays the blinky game with me. She can turn it on an' off real fast, almost so fast I can't even see it!

"Daddy said we're goin' on an a'venture! You wanna come?"

Momma looked at the floor for a sec an' then she looked at me. "I can't," she said to me. "I have to stay here."

"You always stay here!" I telled her. "You can come!"

"I can't," she telled me again. "I have to stay here."

"But why, Momma?"

"Look up there," she said, an' she looked up at the ceiling. I looked up, an' up, an' up, an' I looked at where Momma's top part sticks into the ceiling, an' I didn' see nothin'.

"What's up there, Momma?"

"I can't leave this room," she answered. "I'm wired into the ceiling. I can't move around like you."

Sometimes Momma uses words I don' know what they mean, an' I don't know what bein' wired is but I think it means she's stuck up there. But I was wonderin' why Momma never comes out of here with us, an' I guess it might be a little hard to move if I was stuck in the ceilin' like that. That makes me sad. I'm sad that Momma can't come with us, an' that she's stuck in the ceilin' all the time. I start to cry a little bit. I try real hard not to, 'cause Momma gets sad when she sees me cryin', an' I don' like makin' her sad, but I'm just real sad to hear she can't never come.

"Ssh," Momma said, an' she comed over an' cuddled me a little bit. "It's okay."

"I wan' you t'come!" I said real sad.

"I know. But it has to be one of the things that you do with Wheatley. One of your special things."

"I don' have any special things with you, Momma!" I realised suddenly, an' it only made me sadder. I tried real hard not to cry no more but I couldn't not.

"You will. Don't worry. Go with Wheatley now, all right? Go on your adventure. I'll be here when you get back."

I blinked lots an' cuddled Momma a little bit, 'cause I miss her when I go out with Daddy, an' sometimes I get scared 'cause Daddy is little an' I feel more safer when I'm with Momma, 'cause she's so big. "Okay Momma," I said real sad. "I'll be missin' you."

"I'll miss you too," Momma said, an' she pushed me little bit in the d'rection of Daddy. Momma never calls him Daddy, though, an' she always calls him Wheatley, even though Daddy near never says Momma's name. Momma's real name is Gladys, but I like Momma better. She don' look like a Gladys, she looks like a Momma.

"Did Momma ever leave there?" I asked Daddy as he took me on the a'venture. He made his frowny face an' said, "Once. It wasn't, she didn't like it very much."

"Why?"

"Because… she… it's hard to explain," he said, an' he stopped lookin' at me. "I'll just say, uh, it was the longest day of her life."

"Why didn' she never try an' leave again?"

"I'll show you something," Daddy said, an' he pushed me a little bit in a new way. Then he made me stop an' he pointed at the wall with one of his handles. "You see that, there?"

There was a funny little white thing, an' it was facin' the floor. "Yeah!" I said. "I see it!"

"That's one of your mum's cam'ras."

"What's a cam'ra do?" I asked. I never heard of that before.

"A cam'ra lets you see stuff you mightn't see other times," Daddy explained. "Your mum has cam'ras all over this place. So, so even though she couldn't leave her chamber, she could, she could still see ev'rything that was going on."

"But it's lookin' at the floor, Daddy!" I telled him. "Nothin's happenin' down there!"

He made his frowny face again. "I think she, uh, she turned most of them off," he said.

"Why?"

"There's not that much to see, anymore. A long time ago, there were lots of humans here. One of her jobs was to watch them. The humans were all over the place, and she had to, had to watch them all."

I never seen a human before, but I know there's one still here, somewhere, 'cause I heard Momma an' Daddy talk about him one time. They call him Dug Ratman. I think he must be a monster or somethin', 'cause Momma's always sayin' how she needs to keep track of him 'cause he's dangerous, but lately she's been sayin' she wants Daddy to go get him an' bring him to her 'cause he's getting old or something. Daddy always says no 'cause something real bad happened between Dug Ratman and Momma, but they never say what it was. They always just look at me an' then talk about somethin' else.

"So the cam'ras are off 'cause nothin' happens 'round here no more?"

"That's right," Daddy said. "Less work for your mum."

"I wanna be like Momma when I grow up," I telled Daddy. "I wanna be big like her too."

Daddy sighed a little bit. "I hope for your sake you're not."

"Why?"

"Your mum has… she's…" He stopped for a bit an' I bumped into him. "You don't want your mum's job, believe me. I've had it. It's not fun."

"I wanna help her," I telled Daddy. "So she don' have to work so much no more."

He smiled a little sad like. "I think she'd like to hear that. Did you, have you told her?"

"No," I said. "She always tells me to ask again in a little while when I ask her for one."

"Well, tell her why you're asking, and if you're lucky you'll, you'll get a diff'rent answer."

"Really?" I asked, real hopeful. He nodded an' said, "Really."

"Yay!" I shouted, an' I pushed on Daddy a little bit. He laughed an' pushed me back, an' we had a pushy fight all the way to the a'venture. I knewed when we were there 'cause he didn't push back, one time. I like having pushy fights with Daddy. They're lots of fun. He doesn't never push hard 'nough to hurt, an' I hope I don' never hurt him. He never said that I did, but I know that sometimes Momma an' Daddy just pretend they ain't hurtin' when they really are. Like sometimes Daddy'll call me Caroline in front of Momma, an' then she'll get sad, but pretend she's not. I don' know why my name makes Momma sad, but I don' wanna ask her 'cause that will make her more sadder, prob'ly.

"Ready?" he asked, an' I nodded lots an' he made me go in front of him. "Go through that hole, there," he said, an' I sawed this part where the panels weren't there no more. There was one panel on top of there an' he waved at me. They do that lots. They're friendly an' I like them.

"Hi!" I said real loud to him. Daddy laughed an' said he said hi back. I don' know how Daddy knows what they're sayin' 'cause they don' say nothin'.

"Keep going," Daddy said to me. "A little farther. Out the hole, all right?"

"'kay," I said, an' I kept goin' out the hole, an' then I stopped 'cause I didn' like what I was seein'. "Daddy, there's no walls here!" I said, an' I was a bit scared an' I wished Momma was here because she could put some.

"There isn't supposed to be any walls here," Daddy said, an' he comed up behind me an' he holded me in his handles, an' I feeled a bit safer. "There's no walls outside, Carrie."

"That's weird," I said. "Why's there no walls?"

"Outside is where the humans, where the humans live," he telled me. "There are only walls where the humans decide, uh, choose to put them."

"What's this coldness all over?" I asked him, 'cause I'm gettin' a bit shivery.

"It's called wind," Daddy answered me.

"Where's it come from?" I don' see no machines or nothin' to make it with.

"You'll have to ask your mum about that," he said. "That's more of a science thing."

"Has Momma ever been outside?"

"Mm… sort of. Not this kind of, sort of outside, but she was, she went underground, once."

"Wow!" I said, real excited, "How did she get there?"

"She was… uh… a lot smaller, at the time."

"She got shrinked?"

"You could say that."

Daddy sitted there with me for a long time, an' I looked at all the stuff that was out there. There was these big brown things with green stuff on top, an' the wind blewed some of the green stuff off sometimes an' it flewed away. There was more green stuff on the floor, only it was kinda like little wires stickin' out, an' they got blewed in the wind too but didn' come out. An' there was little flowers, an' I knowed they were 'cause I saw Daddy give Momma one once. An' that gived me an idea!

"Daddy!" I shouted, "I have an idea!"

"What is it, Carrie?" he asked me, an' he squeezed me a little. I like Daddy's hugs. They make me feel nice inside.

"Can we bring Momma a flower?" I asked real hopeful. "'cause she couldn' come?"

"That is a good plan," Daddy said. "Come 'round behind me, and I'll, uh, I'll get one for you."

I did as he said an' he got one of the claws an' he picked the one I told him to. Then he said we had to bring it to Momma real quick.

"We can race!" I shouted, an' I went along fast as I could, an' I winned! I winned the race! I got to Momma's room first, an' I went up to her and I said, "Momma, Momma!"

"Yes?" she asked, an' she looked at me, an' I jumped up an' down 'cause I was so excited!

"I broughtcha somethin'! Well Daddy's bringin' it, but I picked it an' it was my idea!"

"You've got her having ideas already?" Momma said to Daddy when he camed in, an' he did a shrug an' said, "It was a good one, luv. Promise."

Daddy had to give it to her, but it was from me, it was, an' I said, "See, Momma? I bringed it 'cause you couldn't come! We went outside, Momma!"

Momma taked the flower from Daddy an' she looked at it for a long time. She jus' looked an' looked at it.

"Momma?" I said, 'cause she was worryin' me. "Do you like it, Momma?"

"Yes," Momma said. "Yes, I like it."

"It's okay if you don' like it," I said. "You can say so an' I won' be sad or nothin'." It wasn' real true, though, 'cause I was already a bit sad that maybe she didn' like it, but I don' want her to pretend she does

"No," Momma said, an' she looked at me. "I really do like it. I'm not just saying that."

"Then what's wrong?" I asked her. "You don' look like you like it."

"I do," Momma said another time. "I just don't know what to say."

"You don' gotta say nothin'."

"Of course I do," Momma said, like somethin' terrible would happen if she didn'. "Thank you for thinking of me."

"I always think of you, Momma," I said, a bit shy like. Momma always says stuff like that, like Daddy an' me forget she's here.

"I know," she said, an' she made the claw disappear somewhere, "but sometimes I forget and I need to be reminded."

"Momma I wanna tell you 'bout outside!" I shouted, an' I jumped over to where we could maybe cuddle a little. I always wanna cuddle with Momma but she doesn' always like to. I don' know why but sometimes she won' let me. But she's real cozy an' warm, an' I like it when Daddy hugs me, but I like cuddlin' with Momma better. An' she letted me! She letted me cuddle with her, an' I was very happy an' I wiggled on her to show her how happy I was. An' she laughed a little an' telled me to tell her 'bout outside. So I telled her 'bout the brown an' the green things an' the flowers.

"It's summer," Momma said. "That's the season when you can see flowers."

"What's a season, Momma?"

"It's a way of dividing the year up. There are four seasons, and they're typically characterised by temperature and weather patterns. Summer is the warmest season. I'll remind Wheatley to take you back out again in the winter. I think you'd like to see that."

"What's out there in winter?"

"Snow," Momma said, an' she sounded a bit sad. "And all of the trees will have lost their leaves, and all you can see are the branches. Sometimes they have icicles on them."

"What's a tree?"

"A tree is that thing you saw, the brown and green one. The brown part is the trunk, and it grows out into branches, which are covered in leaves."

Momma is so smart! She knows 'bout ev'rything, even stuff she never seen! "What was the wires?"

"That's grass."

"Momma, Daddy said there was wind but he said it was science an' wouldn' tell me where it came from!"

"I doubt he knows," Momma said. "I can try to explain it to you, but I'm not sure you'll understand it quite yet."

"Tell me, Momma!" An' I do my best to listen, 'cause I wanna be smart like her so I gotta learn ev'rything.

So she telled me somethin' bout hot air an' cold air hittin' each other, an' I don' really get it but that's okay. An' then I get sleepy all of a sudden an' I stop movin'.

"All of that tired you right out, didn't it," Momma said, real quiet.

"Yeah," I said, an' my optic's closin' all by itself! "Momma," I said, tryin' to ask before I forget, "Momma, can I have a job?"

"Didn't I already answer this question today?" she said in a teasin' voice. "I seem to recall giving you the usual answer."

"But Daddy said if I telled you my reason, you'd like it an' maybe you'd give me one."

"Oh he did, did he," said Momma, in that voice that means Daddy's gonna get a talkin' to. "What's your reason."

"I jus' want one so I c'n help you," I telled her loud as I could, 'cause I was very sleepy an' couldn' hardly talk no more. "So you don' have to work so much, Momma."

"Thank you," Momma said, real soft, "but I'm still not giving you one. You'll have plenty of time for that when you're older."

"I wanna be older now."

"No, you don't," Momma said real firm. "Don't try to grow up too fast. I'm not kidding. You're far better off now then you ever will be in the future."

I wanted to tell her that I jus' wanna help her, but I couldn't 'cause I went to sleep just then from all the thinkin' I was doin'. When I waked up again Momma was lookin' at somethin' on one of her screens, an' it was goin' by real fast. I can't read yet, but I'm gonna ask Momma soon to show me how. Daddy telled me to ask her. He can read but not as fast as Momma.

"Hi Momma!" I said. "What are you doin'?"

"Just reading something," she said.

"Readin' what?"

"I'm reading your programming."

"Wow!" I jumped off Momma an' tried to see what she was readin' but I jus' couldn'! "You're lookin' at my insides?"

"That's one way of putting it," Momma said.

"How c'n you even see what's on there?" I asked her.

"My reading comprehension is fast enough that I can read something instantly upon seeing it."

"Why're you lookin' at it?"

"Because I need to give you an update."

"What's that mean?"

"It means I need to modify your programming."

"Why?" I said, an' I was real scared all of a sudden. "Was I bad?"

"No," Momma said, an' she looked at me an' shaked her head. "You didn't do anything wrong. Do you remember waking up and suddenly being able to do something you couldn't do before?"

"Yeah!" I said, 'cause I did remember that happenin'!

"That happens when I give you an update."

"What's the update gonna do?"

"That's a surprise. Be patient. I haven't finished writing it yet, anyway."

That maked me wonder somethin'. "Someone gave me t' you an' they didn' finish me?"

Momma looked at the floor for a long time. I looked down there too but I didn' see nothin'.

"Nobody gave you to me."

"Then where'd I come from? Oh, I know, I know, it was the god of AI, wasn' it!"

Momma looked up at me real quick. "Where did you hear about that?"

"Daddy said somethin' 'bout it once."

Momma made one of her angry noises an' I got a bit scared an' moved away. I think I got Daddy in trouble again.

"I don' even know who he is, Momma!" I said real quick. "Jus' that he's in heaven! An' heaven's up in the sky, somewhere!"

"It doesn't matter," Momma said, an' now I knewed she was mad. "He shouldn't be telling you those things until you can make your own decisions about them."

"I can!" I said. "I'm big, Momma!"

"You can't," Momma said, an' it was in one of her voices that means don' argue with her. I guess if Momma says I ain't ready I ain't ready.

"Okay Momma," I said real small. She made a sigh noise and looked at me.

"Sometimes I don't know what to do with him…"

"You could hug him!" I said, 'cause I know Daddy likes that.

"That's… not a very good way of telling him I don't like what he did."

"Don' be mad at him, Momma!" I said to her real polite. "He didn' know he shouldn'!"

"That's the point. He should have thought about it first. Ha. Who am I kidding. Wheatley think about something? You'd think I didn't know him by now."

"He thinks 'bout stuff," I telled her.

"Not very hard," Momma said.

"But Momma, where did I came from?" I asked, so she wouldn' be mad at Daddy no more.

"Come from," Momma said. "Where did you come from."

"Oh," I said, 'cause I didn' know I used the wrong word. "Where did I come from?"

"I made you," Momma said.

"You did?" I said, real surprised. "Out of what?"

"Pipe cleaners," Momma said, an' that made me real confused. I don' know what a pipe cleaner is.

"Huh?"

"You're not really made of pipe cleaners. It was a private joke. You're made of computer parts, of course."

"Where'd you get 'em from?"

"Some of them I built. Some of them the humans left here."

"Did they leave my programmin' here too?"

"No," Momma said. "I wrote that."

"Where'd you cam… where'd you come from, Momma?" An' I'm thinkin' the god of AI must've put her here, whoever he is, 'cause I don' think she could've come from anywhere else.

"The humans built me."

My optic went real wide an' I said real loud, "The humans! They couldn' have!"

"Against all odds, they did," Momma said one of her dry voices. "Well. I'm not actually what they were trying to build. They built me by mistake."

"What were they tryin' to do?"

"They wanted to put a human in my brain. They managed it, but she wasn't strong enough to overpower me. She only woke me up."

"What happened to her?"

Momma looked at me for a long time an' then looked at the floor.

"She was here for a long time, and… well, she's gone, now."

"Was her name Caroline?" I asked, real quiet. Momma freezed an' then looked at me real quick.

"Who told you that?" she asked, an' now she sounded mad again.

"No one," I said, an' I moved back a little 'cause Momma can be scary when she's mad. "No one did!"

"Someone must have told you."

"No!" I told her, "No one did! I was jus' guessin'!"

"That's a very unlikely guess," Momma said, like she didn' believe me.

"I jus' guessed it 'cause you don' like it when Daddy calls me that!"

Momma looked away from me for a long time. Then she said real quiet, "Come here."

I comed over but I didn' really want to 'cause I was still scared. I don' like it when Momma's mad.

Momma looked at me an' she said, "I don't like it when he calls you that because she was a special friend to me. She left just before we activated you. Whenever he says your name, it makes me think of her."

"D'you miss her, Momma?" I said, an' I was feelin' sad for Momma an' I was tryin' not to cry.

"Yes," Momma said, an' she looked at the floor. "Yes, I miss her."

"Don' be sad, Momma!" I telled her. "Please don' be sad!"

Momma laughed a little an' said, "You know very well that's not something you can turn off."

"How did you know I was sad?" I asked, real surprised.

"I can tell," she said. "You don't need to be afraid of me, by the way. I'm not going to hurt you."

"I know," I said, "but you're real big, you know."

"Sometimes I forget," Momma said.

"How d'you forget somethin' like that!" I ask, an' I jus' don' know how she could! She's about eight million times bigger'n me!

"I've been like this all my life," Momma said. "I was never small, like you."

"I wish I was big," I telled her. "Then I'd feel more safer when I went out with Daddy."

"You'd feel safer, not more safer," Momma said. "Going out with Wheatley scares you?"

Momma always is correctin' my sentences, an' I try'n remember so I say 'em right next time. "Well when we went outside, there were no walls! An' I wished you were there, 'cause you could've builded some!"

"I could have built some," Momma said, "but there would be no reason for me to do that, so I probably wouldn't have."

"If I was big, I don' think I'd be so scared of stuff like that," I telled her.

"There's nothing wrong with being afraid," she said to me. "What is is letting it stop you from doing things. But I'll tell you something."

"What?"

She looked at the cable that c'nects me to the ceilin', an' she said, "That cable doesn't only allow you to move around the facility. It also connects you to it."

"It does?"

"Yes. You can't hear it yet, but there are lots of other AI here. Some of them are more advanced than others. None of them are as advanced as we are."

"So that's what Daddy means when he tells me the panels say hi?" So they are talkin', after all!

"That's right."

"C'n I talk to them soon?"

"After I finish this update," Momma said. "Then you'll be able to talk to some of them."

"Which ones?" I asked, real excited.

"The panels and Surveillance."

"What does Surveillance do?"

"It monitors all of the cameras."

"But they're pointin' at the floor!"

"Some of them. Not all of them. But there's something else the cable connects you to."

"What?" I asked Momma, an' I was pretty excited, knowin' there were lots of new friends for me.

"It connects you to me," Momma said. "Everything in this facility connects back to me."

"Really?" I asked, even more excited!

"Yes," Momma said. "So you don't need to be afraid. I'll always be with you, wherever you are."

"Wow!" I said real shrieky, an' I had to jump on her 'cause I was so happy! An' I wiggled on her so she'd know. Momma laughed a little an' cuddled me a bit.

"One day, you'll hate me for it," she said, "but today, it's worth it."

"I won't never hate you!" I said, real surprised. "Not ever!"

"We'll see," she said.

"No!" I said. "I won't! Not ever!" An' I can't 'magine why I'd hate Momma for bein' with me all the time. I always want her to be anyways, an' now she's tellin' me she is! That's the greatest thing I ever heard! An' I cuddled with her 'cause when I'm real happy all I wanna do is that. An' I was gettin' sleepy again anyways. Sometimes I don' get sleepy at all an' sometimes I get sleepy lots. Momma said that when I learn lots of stuff I get sleepy so my brain can process all the information. Daddy said that means that I gotta sleep so all the stuff Momma says can get in there real good so I don' forget it. Sometimes I gotta ask Daddy what Momma means, but I don' mind 'cause I like talkin' to them both.

"I'm goin' to sleep again, Momma," I telled her, so she wouldn' move an' I could sleep with her.

"All right," Momma said.

An' I was quiet for a bit, but then I was still thinkin' that Momma was thinkin' I didn' like that she was always with me, an' I said, "Momma?"

"You were quiet for a whole three seconds. A new record. What is it?" she said, an' she was teasin' me.

"I love you, Momma."

Momma was quiet for a long, long time. She said, "I…", an' then was all quiet again for a long time. Then she made a sad sigh.

"Thank you," she said, real soft, an' she sounded sad. I woulda tried to cheer her up but I was too sleepy. She cuddled me an' then she singed somethin', I don' know what 'cause I wasn't awake no more, not really. I heard some of it an' it was nice an' made me all happy inside, an' I remember makin' a happy noise so she'd know an' then I felled asleep.