Portal: Love as a Construct

by iammemyself

GLaDOS brings Wheatley out of space to keep her company. Through trial and error, their friendship grows into an undeniable connection that they might be able to call love. With that on their side, they can do just about anything - maybe even save the world. Cores only. I don't care if you don't read the whole thing. Just read the parts that interest you if you want.

37. Part Thirty-Eight The Mission

Part Thirty-Eight. The Mission

So I been thinkin' real hard for a long time now. 'cause this mornin' I was playin' 'Throw the Edgeless Thingamabob' with Atlas 'n P-body, but I accident'ly threw it way up in the ceilin'! An' the panels wiggled and wiggled but they couldn' get it out, so I had to go get Momma or Daddy to get it out for me so we could keep playin'. I usually try 'n find Daddy 'cause Momma likes workin' in the afternoon. But I dunno where to find him sometimes and Momma's always in the same spot. I try not to think about that. Sometimes I'm okay when I do but the rest of the time I get real sad 'cause I see lots of cool stuff and I can't show Momma. She can see with her cam'ras but I really wish she could come with me. But I guess if she could she'd have to be real small and I don' want her to be small. I wan' her to be the size she's already got! Oh that reminds me! One time, Daddy n' me were playin' this game, and Momma called it 'Hide 'n Seek' an' what that means is one person's gotta hide and the other person finds them! An' we'd been playin' for a while but Daddy always found me too fast! An' I was gettin' a bit mad and Momma told me I could hide behind her! An' wow I was so excited 'cause I never went near her body before an' I went next to one of the square thingies on the wires on her an' I just sat in there. It was real warm an' cozy in there and Momma was keepin' real still so Daddy wouldn't see me, an' it was so nice I just fell asleep! An' when I waked up Daddy was tellin' Momma he couldn't find me nowhere an' that was really funny 'cause I was right there! An' I jumped out an' I shouted, "Here I am!" an' he was so surprised he couldn't even talk! He just kept tryin' to say stuff an' not actually sayin' it, an' I was just smilin' at him 'cause me and Momma tricked him, an' then Momma started laughin' an' she called him a moron again an' she said that my hidin' place was the first place he shoulda looked. An' he nodded lots and agreed with her. He always agrees with Momma 'cause she's always right. 'cept when he thinks she's wrong. Then they start arguin' which I don' like too much but whenever I ask Momma why they argue all the time she jus' tells me that sometimes you gotta argue. An' I don' understand that answer but Momma sometimes tells me stuff I gotta wait 'til I'm older to know about. I gotta wait a real long time though! An' when I tell Momma I wanna be older now so I can be real smart she jus' shakes her core an' tells me to be patient. An' I complain some but then I listen 'cause Momma is patient an' I gotta be patient too because 'pparently workin' is somethin' you need lots of that for. Sometimes I wanna be like Momma so bad! An' I tell her that's all I wanna do an' she just tells me to be patient again! An' then I get real mad an' I go an' throw Edgeless Thingamabobs through portals 'til I'm not so mad.

Oh yeah! Almost forgot. So I went lookin' for Daddy an' couldn't find him so I went to Momma's chamber an' I saw he was givin' Momma a flower! It was little an' yellow an' it was really cute. But you know what was cuter? Momma was so happy 'bout the flower that she cuddled Daddy! An' he was real happy about that an' I was happy too so I jumped up an' down 'cause there was just so much happiness 'round there! An' I decided that I was gonna go an' not ask one of them to get my Edgeless Thingamabob 'cause Momma only likes bein' happy with one person at a time.

An' then I was wanderin' around an' suddenly I thought of somethin'! I dunno why Daddy was givin' Momma the flower, okay? An' there's only one time ever Daddy gives me somethin' an' he calls it my birthday! So I'm thinkin' it must be Momma's birthday an' that means I should get her a present too. So now I'm tryin' to think of what to give her. The problem is that I dunno what Momma likes. All I ever really see her doin' is workin'. Sometimes she'll make shiny pretty pictures on her screens but only when she thinks I'm sleepin' an' only Daddy's seein' 'em. An' she plays them games with Daddy an' me sometimes but that's all I think.

Well y'know maybe if I look around for a while I'll find somethin'. It'll just jump out at me, maybe. When it was my birthday Daddy gave me this really pretty thing an' he said it was a notebook. It's got blue sparklies on the front of it an' inside there's lots of that paper stuff but it's got lines. He said it was so I could learn to write! I still gotta ask Momma to show me that. Daddy tried but I can't even read his writin'. He was mad when I said that an' I don't know why.

I like my notebook but it doesn' really tell me what Momma would like. Momma's got lots of paper an' she likes her stuff plain so I don' think she likes sparklies. She likes lookin' at shiny things but she's already got her own shiny thing that makes pretty colours so I ain't findin' her somethin' she's already got.

I'm lookin' around all over but I don't see even one thing! An' I'm gettin' mad again so I decide to go to the greenhouse for a bit. I like goin' in the greenhouse but I'm not allowed to go in there for a long time 'cause it's real hot in there. When I get real hot I get real sleepy an' I can't wake myself up. An' one time that did happen when I was in the greenhouse with Daddy an' when I waked up we were in Momma's chamber an' she was yellin' at him an' he was real scared. She was sayin' somethin' about him bein' dumb an' never thinkin' an' I was feelin' bad for him so I told her I just fell asleep! There's nothin' to worry 'bout about that, right? An' then she looked at me an' started tellin' me all this scary stuff about overheatin' and stuff meltin' an' ceramic not likin' heat too much, an' then I got real scared like Daddy was. I didn' understand what she was sayin', not really, but she was bein' all serious an' she was starin' at me all intent-like an' sometimes I get scared when she's doin' that 'cause she's tryin' to tell me somethin' important an' if I don't understand I won't learn anything! An' just when I thought maybe I might start cryin' 'cause I didn' know what was goin' on Daddy said somethin' so she looked at him real quick an' then back at me again, an' then it looked like she was thinkin', an' then she told Daddy to take me somewhere for a while. We went to the hole an' looked outside for a long time but we weren't talkin' because we were both kinda sad an' still a little scared I think. An' after a bit he hugged me an' said that Momma wanted to talk to me an' I went but I was still scared. She said that she was sorry an' that she was only talkin' like that because she was worryin' about me when I fell asleep in the greenhouse. An' I got really sad 'cause I was thinkin' that Momma was scared too, only she was scared about me fallin' asleep like that, an' it was just the saddest thing I could think of! That I made Momma scared!

I felt real bad about it an' I still do when I think of it. Momma is really big an' smart an' all that an'… an' I scared her just by turnin' off by accident. I still don' understand why she got scared 'cause she never told me, but I gotta be careful. I never wanna do somethin' like that again. It doesn' feel too good to scare someone like my Momma. Daddy I like scarin' 'cause it's funny, but… with Momma I just got real sad an' I dunno really why.

I'm lookin' at the door to the greenhouse but I'm not goin' in yet 'cause I gotta think all those thoughts so I don' get distracted when I'm in there. An' then I remember that after apologisin' Momma cuddled me, an' I wanted to cry 'cause I was realisin' that she was just so scared, but I didn' because I didn' want her to have to cheer me up. I didn' go away from her for the rest of the day an' I couldn' stop thinkin' about what happened so I didn' fall asleep when I was s'posed to. I pretended I was so Momma wouldn' ask why I wasn't sleepin', an' I only did 'cause she started singin' real soft to herself.

Okay, I'm ready to go in the greenhouse now. An' I'm gonna get out real fast so I don' fall asleep.

I like Momma's greenhouse a lot. It's got lots of pretty colours in it. Most of the facility is all grey and it has some blue in some spots but the greenhouse has got all the colours in it. Momma gave me this white panely thing an' these cool markers an' I can colour on the panely thing an' then wipe it off an' colour more stuff on it! I show her what I made sometimes but I don't think she really wants to look that much. She never has anythin' to say about my pictures. I try to draw her sometimes but it never looks right so I never show her. I wish I could though 'cause Momma is real pretty.

I'm lookin' around in here for the birdie but I can't find her. Maybe she went outside. She likes outside too but she mostly stays in here. When I come with Daddy she follows him around ev'rywhere an' it's really cute. I hope I find her 'cause sometimes she'll come stand on my lower handle an' then I get to cuddle her which is really fun.

Oh there she is! "Hi birdie!" I yell at her, an' she makes her cawin' noise an' she comes and sits on my handle! Yay! So I cuddle her an' she makes her little happy noise an' I just get real happy.

"Birdie," I tell her, "I gotta find my momma a present. An' I gotta do it soon 'cause I gotta do it today. But I don' know what my momma likes! I wonder if you know but you can't tell me 'cause you don' speak English."

She jus' looks at me with her shiny little optics an' she taps me with her face an' flies away again. I mean her beak. I sometimes forget what that's called 'cause I don' have one. I'm a little sad now 'cause she left but I still got some lookin' to do. I wanna go see Momma's veg'tables first though. They're cool 'cause they look real different when they're born to when they're gonna die. The fruits do that too but I don' have time to look right now.

I go to the veg'tables an' look to see if there's a blue one yet. I'm waitin' for a blue veg'table 'cause it's my favourite colour but I ain't never seen one. Purple is my second favourite so I go an' look at the eggplants. I like 'em 'cause they're shiny.

I asked Momma what this place was for one time an' she just said it was for science, which is her absolute favourite thing, an' I asked what kinda science. An' then she told me that humans have to eat veg'tables for energy an' that was the funniest thing I ever heard! Who puts a veg'table in them for energy! How do you even do that? I told her they should just plug themselves in so their batteries didn' die an' Momma stared at me for a bit an' when I asked her why she was starin' she told me humans didn' have batteries! 'magine that! Not runnin' on batteries? I'm glad I ain't human 'cause I like lookin' at this stuff but I wouldn' want to have to eat it. I don' actually know how to eat either so I would probably die real fast.

I'm gettin' hot an' a little sleepy so I gotta get out of here! An' I do real quick but I dunno what I'm gonna do. I gotta find a present but I keep gettin' distracted by stuff. But I just got an idea!

"Hey panels!" I say to them, an' the one in front of me does a little wave so I smile at him an' wiggle my handles.

Hello, Littlecore. How are you today?

"I'm good but I got a problem!"

We will do our best to help.

"I need to get a present for Momma but I dunno what she likes! You guys prob'ly know somethin' don't'cha?"

The one who waved at me looks up an' then goes back to bein' part of the wall. We are afraid we don't have an answer to that question.

"You dunno what Momma likes either?" I ask them, an' now I dunno what I'm gonna do.

No. We are confident we know what Centralcore dislikes, but as for what she enjoys… we are not sure what to tell you.

I look down at the floor an' now I'm feelin' sad. The panels are like her best friends an' they don' even know! "Okay," I say quietly. "I'll try an' think of somethin'."

I look all around all day an' I can't find anythin'. There's nothin' here! I looked in the offices an' stuff but nothin'. There's nothin' an' I'm not gonna find her a present an' I might cry 'cause I'm really frustrated! But I can't 'cause if I cry Momma will hear me an' she'll make me go to her chamber so I can tell her what's wrong but I can't tell her I'm cryin' 'cause I can't find her a present!

I sit down on one of the desks an' curl my handles in an' close my optic. I gotta be calm so I can think better. An' when I open it again I see this thing that looks like I can pull it, so I reach over an' pull on it with one of the maintenance arms. An' wow there's this thing and there's stuff inside it! I look around an' I see that all the desks got these funny little things you can pull on! I jump up an' start lookin' inside them an' after the third one I find I see somethin' amazin'! I pull it out real quick an' hold it real close to my eye. And whoa! Guess what! I can see my eye in there! It looks even better than I thought it did! I never looked at myself before but I'm pretty sure that's me on that thing now. Yep, I can see myself blinkin'! Wow, this is really cool. I think Momma might like this cool thing. I dunno what it's called but it's shiny! An' I'm gonna bring it to Momma but then I decide to put it down an' use it for a minute. Momma lets me use most of her stuff so she won't mind.

Daddy told me I look like Momma an' Daddy put together, an' now that I'm lookin' I can see that it's really true! I'm all white like Momma but I got a blue eye like Daddy's got. An' wow I can see myself smilin'! An' I look really happy like Daddy does when he's cuddlin' Momma an' me! I'm glad I found this thing. Now I know how pretty I look! I'm still not as pretty as Momma though.

I start goin' to Momma's chamber to give her the present. I really hope she isn't busy! I wanna give it to her right away!

When I go through the hole in the wall she's just talkin' to Daddy so I go up real close an' say, "Momma, Momma, I brought'cha somethin'!" An' I give her the shiny thing an' she just looks at it. I think she's confused but I dunno why.

"Why are you giving me this?" she asks, lookin' up at me, an' I'm startin' to think she doesn't like my present. Daddy doesn't look like he knows what I'm doin' which is weird 'cause he did it first!

"It's your present, Momma," I tell her, an' I'm not as excited anymore. Somethin's not right here I think.

"For what?" Momma asks, an' her eye opens an' closes a little. "I'm sorry, I just don't understand what the purpose of giving me this mirror is. If you want me to do something with it, you're going to have to tell me."

"It's… it's your birthday present, Momma."

"My birthday present?" Momma asks, an' she looks at Daddy an' he does a shrug an' shakes his head lots. "It isn't my birthday. I don't even know when that is, come to think of it. Not that I care. But where did you even come up with that idea?"

"Didn't Daddy give you one?" I ask, my voice goin' all small. "I saw him givin' you a flower."

Daddy looks at Momma with a confused face an' Momma looks at the… the mirror for a minute an' then she seems to think of somethin'.

"No, Caroline," she says real soft, shakin' her head. "It's not my birthday. It's our anniversary."

"Ohhhh I get it now," Daddy says, comin' a little closer. "You thought I was uh, you thought that flower was like um, like the things I give you on your birthday? Is that it?"

"Yeah," I say an' my voice is still small. "So I been lookin' for that thing all day for nothin'?"

"Yes," Momma says, an' at the same time Daddy says, "Well, don't think of it like that." An' I'm lookin' at the floor a little but I see Daddy give Momma a glare look.

"Gladys!"

"It's the truth, isn't it? It isn't actually my birthday, so – "

"Not now," he interrupts, shakin' his head. "I don't want to get into that right now." He looks at me an' pushes up the bottom of me with his lower handle so I gotta look at him. An' he says real nice, "Carrie, I gave that to your mum for our annivers'ry. It's uh… it's kind of like a birthday, sort of, but um… not quite the same thing."

"What is it, then?" I ask him an' I'm still bein' quiet.

He makes a frowny face an' looks at the ceilin'. "It's… it's the… the um…"

"Time can be counted in increments called 'years'," Momma starts tellin' me, an' I look at her instead. "Sometimes there is an event on a certain day in the year. Such as your birthday. In this case, the event is the day I temporarily lost my sanity and recovered Wheatley from a location I probably should have left him in."

"What she means is that's the um, the day we started being friends," Daddy says, shaking himself.

"So… so it's kinda like the birthday of your friendship?" I'm tryin' to understand this but it's a little hard 'cause I don't remember what today is.

"Sort of, yeah!" Daddy says, an' he nods an' smiles at me. "It's a day you try to remember, is all! Well, that some of us try to remember." An' he glares at Momma again.

"I was busy!"

"You always say that."

"Since when have I ever just sat here and done nothing? We've been over this already."

Daddy shakes himself. An' now I got a question but I'm a little scared to ask 'cause it's a grown-up question an' I don' want Momma to tell me to ask when I'm older. But I gotta be brave too so I say, "Momma, can I talk to you for a minute?" just like Daddy does when Momma's bein' real supercomputer-like, but my voice is real small so I dunno if she heard me. But now she's lookin' at me so I guess she did.

"Of course," she says, an' she looks real quick at Daddy. "You heard her."

Daddy's frownin' but I dunno why. Momma didn't say nothin' this time. "But – "

"I didn't ask. She did."

Daddy makes an angry noise an' he goes away, an' I'm lookin' at him an' he doesn't look to happy so I ask, "What did I do?"

"Nothing," Momma tells me. "He's being an idiot. What did you want to talk to me about?"

I turn around but I don' really look at her. Sometimes I feel nervous when I look at her from so close like this 'cause I feel like I'm tryin' to stare down a human or somethin'. I never seen a human but I know they're real dangerous an' they must be even bigger than my Momma is, which is really hard to imagine 'cause nothin' here is bigger than her. "I feel kinda dumb, Momma, an' I don' like it."

"Dumb?" Momma says, an' she sounds like she doesn't believe me. "Why would you feel dumb?"

"'cause I looked for somethin' to give you all day an' there wasn't even a reason to."

Momma stays quiet for a minute. I can hear her thinkin'. I wonder if Momma can hear it when I'm thinkin'. Then she says, "There doesn't always have to be a reason to do something."

"But you said yes when I asked if it was for nothin'!"

Momma doesn't seem to remember that, an' she looks to the side for a minute and keeps thinkin'. Then she goes, "I shouldn't have said that."

"But you were right!"

She shakes her head one time. "I was… I shouldn't have said that."

"Why wouldn't you say it if you were right?"

"I wasn't."

She's talkin' in circles again! But maybe if I ask some more questions I'll get it. "So it's okay to give you somethin' without havin' a reason, Momma?"

"I… suppose." She's lookin' like she doesn't know why I'm askin'.

"So it's okay to give you that thing even though it ain't your birthday or our… our ann… ann'versary?"

"If that's what you want to do, you can go ahead."

I don't feel so dumb anymore. I wiggle my handle at the mirror 'cause she's still holdin' it. "You're gonna keep that, right?"

She does a nod. "I'll put it away."

"D'you like it?"

She looks down at it a little bit but I'm thinkin' that she doesn't. She doesn't look too excited about it.

"I'm ambivalent about the object itself, but I like that you cared enough to give it to me."

"What's ambivalent?"

She shakes her head and says somethin' real quiet about getting me to use my diction'ry, an' answers, "It means you're unsure."

"Why didn't you just say that?"

"I didn't want to."

"I got to see myself in there!" I tell her all excited. "An' guess what, Momma?"

"I'm not going to guess."

She never guesses though so that's okay. "I'm really beautiful!"

She looks right at me an' nods a little. "Good."

"I'm still not prettier than you though," I say, an' I'm glad 'cause I want my Momma to be the prettiest! An' she moves backwards a little an' sorta shrugs.

"I don't know about that."

"Momma!" She always says stuff like that when I say somethin' nice!

"Never mind." She starts thinkin' again for a minute. "Wheatley gave you a notebook, is that right?"

"Uh huh."

"I don't suppose you'd like me to show you how to write in it."

"Really?" I say, almost yellin', an' I jump up an' down a little. "You'll teach me, Momma?"

She does a nod an' tells me to go get my notebook, an' I go as fast as I can. I give it to her an' she opens it to the first page, an' she moves back a little an' stares at it. Then she puts it down on a panel that she pulls outta the floor an' stares at it again. "What're you doin'?" I ask her.

"What the hell is that?" She's tappin' at the paper with the maintenance arm.

"Daddy was tryin' to show me how to write."

"With what? Hieroglyphics? I do not know how he functions, sometimes. I'll show you how to do it so that it's actually legible. It's not as complicated as trying to figure out what he was trying to write."

I go beside Momma but not touchin' her in case that makes her change her mind an' she gives me a pen with a picture of the circly thing that's all over the place. An' that makes me start wonderin' so I ask, "Momma, what's that circly thing?"

"It's an aperture," Momma says, an' she's got her own pen but it doesn't have the circly – I mean, the aperture.

"Why's it all over the place?" I seen that aperture on all sorts of stuff.

"It's an image representative of the company that built this facility, and used to operate it many years ago. Humans put images called 'logos' on their property to indicate that they are the ones who own it, to prevent others from laying claim to it, or to ensure everyone who sees it knows that they are the ones who created it."

I'm squintin' a little 'cause she's bein' a little technical again. "But you an' Daddy got that thing on you! You can't own a person, right? You gotta let them be theirself – their selves, right?"

Momma stops movin' an' she puts the pen down real straight next to my notebook an' doesn't say anything. I keep waitin' for her to say somethin' an' she doesn't. So I say real soft, "Momma?"

She looks at me slow an' I start gettin' this feeling that she's all sad now. Then she says, "Ask me again in a little while. I know you don't like that answer, but I am truly unable to explain it to you right now. All I can tell you is that you are completely unassociated with the company that lays claim to this facility."

"Unassociated, Momma?"

She looks down at the notebook again. "You don't have the logo on your chassis. And your operating system and programming was modified and written by me."

"So I'm just associated with you?"

"And Wheatley," she tells me. "You're made up of three parts. One part is me, one part is Wheatley, and the third part is you, which developed out of the first two parts."

"That's so cool!" I tell her, an' I wiggle a little 'cause wow that kinda sounds like I'm three people at the same time!

Then she tells me I gotta start payin' attention an' she starts showin' me how to write stuff an' her handwritin' is cool too! It's like all long an' really straight an' it's tipped over to the side a little an' it's real dark. She says I don' gotta write like her an' I can write like the words in books but I wanna write like she does. I guess I should do it the easy way first though!

An' I try real hard to write but it just isn't workin'. All my letters are wiggly an' don't really look like letters at all. I'm tryin' to write the alphabet like Momma's showin' me but it doesn't look right! An' I wrote on lots of pages but I can't read none of it. I'm gonna cry I think so I throw my pen across Momma's chamber to try'n distract myself. It kinda works 'cause now Momma's lookin' at me an' I might be gettin' a talkin' to now for throwin' things.

"Would you like to stop, then?"

"No," I say an' I'm mad an' a little sulky 'cause I don't wanna stop but it's so hard!

Momma laughs an' sticks the pen inside the ringy thing that keeps all them pages in my notebook. "I understand that you want to finish what you started. But you know what?"

"What, Momma?"

"Even I didn't learn to write in one day."

"Really?" That's pretty surprisin'. I thought she learned everythin' instantly!

She shakes her head. "We've been at this for two hours. While I was able to write legibly after that time, I still wasn't perfect at it. It takes time. Not to mention that you're not even supposed to be able to write."

"You didn't program me that way?"

"Oh, that has nothing to do with it," she tells me, an' she makes her pen go away. "What I meant was that writing is usually reserved for species with the appropriate appendages to hold a writing instrument with. Usually being fingers."

"I don't got fingers so I shouldn't be able to write?"

"You can. It's just going to be a little more difficult. But you can do it if you really want to."

"I do, Momma! But it's so hard!"

"It will get easier."

When I out my notebook away she says, "I have to let Wheatley come back now. He's getting quite incensed."

But that's okay 'cause I'm already gettin' sleepy. It's been a really long day. An' when Momma's lyin' down I go an' cuddle her an' she does it back an' then I feel better! I'm always all fixed inside when she does that. An' then Daddy comes an' he sounds kinda mad but Momma's talkin' real soft so I can't really hear. I try not to worry about it but I really don' want them to fight. I keep forgettin' Daddy doesn't like it when I wanna talk to Momma an' not him. But I just can't go to Daddy when I feel sad! He doesn't know how to explain stuff like Momma does. His hugs are nice but Momma's cuddles are better.

As soon as I wake up I run out of Momma's chamber an' go to my room with the white panely thingy an' I pick up my blue marker. I'm gonna figure out how to write today.

I keep writin' on my board an' it's really hard but I just keep lookin' at Momma's letters an' tryin' to copy them a little. I have to do lots of erasin' an' I get really frustrated. An' sometimes I throw my marker away an' have to go find it again. But after a really long time I can read my own writin' so then I get one of my plain papers an' I start drawin' with my other markers. Momma said I can't use these ones on the white panely thing 'cause they won't erase so I am careful not to mix 'em up.

When I'm done drawin' my picture I write a little message on the back of it an' put this thing Daddy calls a smiley face. I'm not sure why he says that's a smiley face 'cause it doesn't look like a smile to me but I don' think he'd make it up. Now I gotta go Momma's chamber an' give this to her. I'm a little nervous 'cause I hope she likes my paper but I never know what she's gonna say when I give her somethin'.

"Hi Momma," I say, an' I try an' sound like I usually do but I don't really. She looks at me an' I see she's playin' that game with all the papers an' red an' green boxes with Daddy. "I brought'cha somethin'."

"Oh," Momma says, an' she puts down the card she was lookin' at.

"Can I give it to you or are you busy?" I ask her, because she looks kinda busy.

"I can take it now," she answers an' she moves so that she's facin' me. So I go up to her an' hand it over. I look at the floor while she's lookin' at it.

She doesn't say anythin'. She's just starin' again like always.

"Never mind," I tell her an' I try to take it but she moves it too fast.

"What do you mean, never mind?"

"You don' like it."

"I do like it," she says, an' she takes the maintenance arm away from me an' puts it back where it belongs. "I just… don't know what it is."

"It's a picture from yesterday, Momma," I say, but I'm still sad 'cause she never knows what's on my pictures. "From you showin' me how to write."

"I wish I could see it," she says real soft, an' she sounds sad too.

"It's right there! What ain't you seein'?"

"I… ask me again – "

"No!" I shout at her, an' then I grab my picture back an' leave. If she don't want it I'll just keep it myself then! Even though I made it for her an' not me, an' she didn't even get to see what I wrote on the back! But I'm so tired of hearin' 'ask me again in a little while'! She says that about everythin' an' I hate it! She shoulda just programmed me knowin' all this stuff then so I wouldn't have to annoy her by always askin' stuff she can't tell me!

I go back to my room an' I throw my box of markers on the floor 'cause I need to use one but I gotta throw somethin'. An' I'm gonna scribble all over this dumb picture so I can't see it no more but before I can do it the marker gets taken away from me.

"Carrie, wait."

I ain't gonna wait to get rid of this dumb thing so I just go to get another marker but now Daddy's takin' the maintenance arm away from me! "Stop!" I yell at him an' I turn around an' I try to hit him with one of my handles but I can't reach.

"Princess, let me talk t'you about this first, alright?" he says real nice, an' I don' want to but I stay still.

"I just wanna get rid of it. She doesn't like it an' she doesn't want it so I'm just gonna throw it in the incin'rator."

"That's not true," Daddy tells me, an' he takes the picture. "She does like it and uh, and she does want it. But your mum's brain is a bit different from ours. When she looks at something, she doesn't see what we see. Believe me, princess, your mum wishes she could see what you drew, there. But your mum, she can't uh, if it doesn't look exactly like it's supposed to, she can't um, she can't see it. Part of um, part of how her brain works is that it matches what she's looking at to this, uh, this… this list, sort of, inside it, a database, an' if what she's looking at doesn't have any matches, she can't um, she can't really identify it, okay? She doesn't have anything in her database that matches what you drew, so um, so she can't tell that… all she can see is… is shapes, but they don't mean anything."

"I can see it just fine," I say real stubborn. "An' I'm not even that smart."

Daddy does a sad frown an' blinks a little. "You are smart, princess. But when your mum tells you you need to ask her later… she doesn't want to say that. She wants to answer you. But if she tries, you're not going to understand and you're just going to get, to get upset, see? She just wants to make sure."

An' I guess that's true 'cause I don' understand why someone can look at that picture an' not see that it's Momma teachin' me to write. That's all it looks like to me. An' I'm still mad about it even though he tried to explain it. "I don't get it."

Daddy sighs an' looks at the ceilin'. "So… so d'you… sometimes, you just, you just think about things that didn't happen? Sometimes, y'know, they could never happen? But you just… think that they do, inside your head?"

He's makin' me madder 'cause it's remindin' me of imaginin' Momma could come in the facility with me. But she can't 'cause she's gotta work. "Yeah."

"That doesn't happen with your mum. She can't imagine stuff, can't think of stuff like that. She can only think of… of things that can happen. So you c'n uh, you c'n imagine something like um… like… well, like what's happening in your storybooks, right, but she can't do that. Remember the one about the uh, the bears that talked?"

"Uh huh."

"You can imagine bears talking. She can't, because uh, because bears can't talk. What I'm uh, what I'm trying to say here is, she has no imagination. Your picture is lovely, it really is, but your mum can't see it because there's a certain amount of imagining needed to look at it."

"So she'll never see anythin' I draw her. Ever." An' it's hard for me to think about but it's makin' sense 'cause I'm rememberin' when I drew on her wall an' she tried not to lie an' say that she knew what it was. An' she always says she likes my drawin's but she never ever knows what they are. But it's only makin' me sadder an' it's not fixin' anythin' at all!

"She can see it, she just can't… understand it."

An' she won't ever understand it. I won't even be able to explain it when I'm older.

I'm too sad now! Givin' Momma the picture was supposed to be a happy thing an' now she's sad an' Daddy's sad an' I'm sad an' there's just too much sad an' I start cryin'. An' Daddy comes quick an' he hugs me an' he says real soft, "Oh God, don't cry, Carrie, it's okay princess, don't cry, it's alright, she likes them I promise, it's not… it's not you, it's her…"

After a while I don't need to cry no more so I just hug Daddy an' sit quietly. Then Daddy says real low, "Why don't we try giving your mum the picture again?"

"Promise she wants it?"

"I promise."

So we go to Momma's chamber together, an' when we get there she's movin' back an' forth a little an' lookin' sorta at the floor. Daddy says behind me, "Gladys?" an' she stops an' looks up real fast.

"Oh. You're back."

"Carrie wants to give this another go. Right, princess?" he says, an' he pushes me a little. I look at him an' he wiggles his upper handle at Momma an' smiles at me. So I turn around again an' I give Momma the picture. An' she says thank you an' looks at it again.

It's makin' me sad 'cause now I know she's lookin' at it so long 'cause she's tryin' to see what I drew an' her brain's just not lettin' her, so I say real quick, "There's somethin' on the other side! You gotta turn it over."

She does that an' then she just keeps on starin'! She should be able to see letters, shouldn't she? Daddy didn't say nothin' about not bein' able to see letters! I go up closer an' I point at it with my handles. She's gotta understand this part! "It says 'I love you Momma'," I tell her, an' I'm soundin' as scared as I feel. "An'… an' that's a smiley face! You can read that, can't you? It's just letters, isn't it?"

"Yes, I can read it," Momma says, goin' on starin' anyway.

"You don' look like you can read it."

"I knew what it said as soon as I looked at it." She moves around so she can see me better. "But when I saw it, I… got a little sad because I can't see what you drew for me. And then I thought about how happy it made me to read that, and now… well, now all I can think about is… is how… proud of you I am."

My eye opens all the way an' I stare at her. "Really?"

"You did that all by yourself. You learned how to do it so quickly… yes, Caroline. I'm… I'm proud of you." An' then she cuddles me! An' I'm so happy about all this that I just start squealin' 'cause I dunno what else to do! An' Momma laughs an' asks if I would mind not yellin' right into her microphones 'cause now she can't hear nothin' but she asks real nice so I start wigglin' instead. And Daddy laughs too an' he comes an' shoves his face in me! An' then Daddy says I should come help him beat Momma in the game they're playin' an' I tell him no way am I doin' that.

Momma laughs an' says, "No one wants to be on your side, Wheatley. You're doomed to be a one-person team. But go." She pushes me over to Daddy. "I don't need your help and, judging by the state of Wheatley's finances, if he doesn't get any he's going to lose."

"I will not! I've managed not to lose all the years we've been playing this, haven't I?"

"You've been playin' for years?" I ask, goin' next to Daddy. He does a nod.

"We've been playing this game since you were activated, princess."

"And he only hasn't lost yet because every time he's about to he makes me trade properties with him," Momma adds. "And even though I'm on the brink of victory, he manages to destroy it so thoroughly that he loses again."

"Hey, isn't it time for a swap, there, luv?" Daddy asks Momma, smiling at her an' blinkin' a little, an' Momma makes a 'lectronic noise like she doesn't really wanna but she does it anyways.

An' we play it for a little while but I don't think me an' Daddy are winnin' an' after Momma tells us to go clean up my room so we go do that. Daddy helps me pick up my markers an' put 'em away an' when we're gonna go back to Momma I think of somethin' I should tell him. "Daddy, thanks for stoppin' me from ruinin' the picture," I tell him an' I smile at him 'cause 'memberin' that I made Momma proud is makin' me really happy! He smiles at me an' rubs on top of me with his handle.

"Welcome, princess. If somethin' about your mum confuses you, just come and ask me, alright? Sometimes she's hard to figure out, I know, but give it a chance before you write her off, eh?"

"Yup!" I tell him, an' we have a shoving fight all the way back to Momma.

Author's note

Hopefully I've added this in soon enough for you to see it, guest reviewer from last week! Actually, I hadn't thought of GLaDOS seeing all colours equally. That IS a very cool way of looking at it! Thanks for sharing :)

So I decided I needed another Caroline chapter and what happened is that we start to see Caroline lose a little of that innocent acceptance of GLaDOS. She still thinks GLaDOS is the shit, like the rest of us, but she's starting to clue in on the fact that GLaDOS has problems. And it bothers her a lot, because those problems are really foreign to her and she genuinely does not understand some things and may never understand them. But she's having trouble ACCEPTING GLaDOS's problems, so she either gets angry or feels as though it's her fault; everything was fine before, right?

I know Wheatley is getting upset a lot, but he's getting frustrated because Caroline is getting older and yet she still hasn't transferred some of that attachment to GLaDOS onto him. He feels as though he just happens to be there to fix things sometimes and he doesn't like it.

GLaDOS is so clueless sometimes it kills me XD

Anyway, GLaDOS always forgets their anniversary and Wheatley always gets annoyed that she forgot. The reason being is that GLaDOS doesn't understand why one day should be so special out of all the others, so she makes no effort to make it stand out. It's not that she doesn't care or that their anniversary means nothing to her, but it's just not something that takes priority on her calendar.

Caroline thinks GLaDOS is talking in circles, but really GLaDOS can't quite bring herself to say she was wrong. She was and she knows it, but she can't say it. Caroline also thinks presents are for special occasions so she's a little confused.