Part Seventy-Six. The Proposal

GLaDOS had thankfully made good on what she'd said, and though she still had to work for most of the day she was much more relaxed. If he came in to talk to her, she would stop what she was doing and listen carefully, and he was nothing less than overjoyed. Caroline would not get the same reaction out of her; she usually tried to pester GLaDOS about something or another, and GLaDOS was always able to predict when she was going to do it and would head her off before she'd even got started.

"But Momma!" she would yell.

"Be patient."

"I've been patient!"

"Good. You know how, then. Go on doing it."

And Caroline would mutter something about how difficult GLaDOS was and storm out of the room, and when she'd gone GLaDOS would start laughing. "What is it, luv?" he'd asked the first time she did it.

"Oh, it's just… I shouldn't, really, but I do enjoy aggravating her. It's very amusing."

And he'd laughed a little himself, even though it really wasn't very nice of GLaDOS to be doing that. But she was right. It was pretty funny.

After a few days GLaDOS opened up external access to the facility, which meant that Dr Kleiner, Chell, Gordon, Barney, and Alyx all came in at once to see her, and Wheatley left her to whatever they wanted her for. He wasn't too happy about it, though if he was honest with himself it was mostly the Dr Kleiner part he was displeased with. He knew now more than ever that he had nothing to worry about, but he still worried all the same. They were on a first-name basis, after all.

And besides. He had something rather important to be getting on with.

He went into the greenhouse, said hello to the crows sitting in the one tree that was almost touching the ceiling, and looked uncertainly at what was honestly quite a mess. It seemed as though seventy-three days was plenty of time for plants to get out of hand. He could just barely see a few maintenance arms doing something off in the distance, and he decided to take a look over there to see if it was a bit clearer. It was. Maintenance was just going from back to front, then.

So. Now he had to find the perfect flower.

Usually Wheatley just brought her a dandelion, because he knew they were her favourite and they were symbolic, really, of the day she'd brought him back out of space. But it'd been ten years. He needed something a little more special. Well. It'd been eleven years, really, but he'd been dead for one of them, so it didn't really count. He knew not to bring her a rose, because she thought that was cliché, so even if he'd gone in there for one of those he would've had to change his mind. But though Wheatley had been in here more times than he could count, he still knew very little about flowers.

He took his time, carefully looking through the hundreds and hundreds of them that she had in there. Many of them were very beautiful, but none quite what he wanted. He supposed that was why there were so many flowers in the first place. One of the ones he was rejecting would be the perfect choice for someone else. Though he was confident no one else on Earth would bring their best friend a dandelion. He smiled to himself. She still reminded him of a dandelion, even now. Though more like the white dandelions than the yellow ones. She really was all soft and fuzzy on the inside, it was just getting there that was the trouble. But he'd gotten there now. She'd been very nice and thoughtful the last few days, and he was confident she'd finally gotten to that core of herself and that they were going to be happy together now, forever. And that was another reason this flower had to be special. A lot of terrible things had happened. These last few months had been rough and stressful for both of them, but they had gotten through it, and he wanted to find something that would sort of signal that.

And then he saw it.

He moved in closer to inspect it, excitement coursing through his chassis. Yes. Yes, this was it. He didn't know how he knew, but he did. It was a flower with a short stem, and a handful of white petals all piled up on top of each other until they puffed out in the centre of it. He squinted at the label stuck into the ground. 'Carnation', it said.That was a pretty name, too. Bit mysterious. Just like GLaDOS herself, really. He borrowed a pair of shears from Maintenance and carefully cut the stem as far down as he could. He returned the clippers and picked up the flower, though now that he thought of it, he probably should have waited. Well, maybe he'd just be able to slip in and do it quietly. But he did have to give it to her now. He didn't know where she kept that preservative stuff she used to store all those dandelions in, and he didn't want it to be limp and dead when he gave it to her. So. On he went.

He took an emulated breath as he came into her chamber. She did look quite busy, listening carefully to something Alyx was saying, but surely the humans could entertain themselves for a minute. "Hey, Gladys," he said quietly. She turned to look at him.

"What is it?" she asked, sounding concerned, and if truth be told he must have looked quite anxious. He was worried that giving her the flower in full view of all those humans would not go over well, no matter how good a mood she was in.

Just do it, Wheatley, he told himself, blinking up at her. Just tell her happy anniversary, and give it to her, and go on with your day. He moved up as close as he was able, so that her body would be blocking him and what he was doing from the humans. He brought out the flower and said, "I want to marry you."

They both froze.

"What did you just say?" she said in not quite a whisper.

"Nothing," he said, horrified. "I didn't… didn't say anything. I…" He shook his chassis, almost unable to think. He hadn't said that. He hadn't said that in front of those people, who he could just barely see were staring at the two of them. He had not said that worst of things to GLaDOS, of all people. He dropped the carnation and left the room as fast as possible. He had not done that. He had not. He had not.

He didn't go very far, but that was mostly because he'd started shaking and blinking so much he couldn't see. He stopped and leaned up against the wall, staring at the panels opposite with his optic set in a helpless expression. He hadn't even asked her, for the love of Science! He'd just said it, as though only his half of that whole thing mattered at all. As if it didn't matter whether GLaDOS wanted to be married to him or not. It would be fantastic if she did, but the way he'd said it… Wheatley knew very little about marriage, only that it involved taking one person for yourself out of all the people in the world, but he was pretty sure he was supposed to have asked her. Privately. Far away from every human in existence. And he knew he'd argued against it to Carrie, a long time ago, but now that he'd actually asked… it did matter. It was something he wanted. He didn't know why, but it was.

Why did he always want the dumbest things?

"Wheatley."

He jumped and his chassis clenched up, his pinprick of an optic fixed on the panel in front of him without really seeing it. "Yeah?" he said, almost in a squeak of a voice.

"What are you doing?"

"Hiding," he said weakly, because he was apparently not doing a very good job of it.

"Well, come back."

"Have… have the humans gone?"

"Not unless I bring out the neurotoxin. Isaac suggested that they leave, but Chell's having none of it. Impertinent little lunatic."

Wheatley slowly loosened his chassis enough that he could move the control arm and manoeuvre his way back to her chamber, but he had no idea how he was supposed to say anything else in front of the humans. He was so terribly nervous that he didn't know if he could even talk at all.

She was still in the same position, facing opposite the humans, and he was glad of that. Maybe it would make this all a little easier. He didn't know why she was doing this, and why it couldn't wait, but maybe she just wanted to make it clear that he never say something that stupid again. He moved around in front of her and looked down at the floor.

"You want to marry me?" she asked softly.

"Yeah." He shrugged and continued looking at the floor. He suddenly noticed that she'd picked up the carnation. That was… that was encouraging, actually. He took an emulated breath and brought his optic up to hers. "Look, I… I know you prob'ly think that's stupid. That it's some stupid human thing, and, and there's no good, I dunno, Scientific reason to get married, but it's just, it, it's more than that. It's… oh, I don't even care if you get mad, I…" He tried desperately to gather his thoughts. "And I know you, you don't like being called property, and that getting married is about, about claiming the other person for your own, but God damn it, Gladys, that's exactly what I want to do! I, I love you, and I want to claim you for myself, so that ev'ryone knows that you're mine and no one else can have you! Yes, I want to claim you, because I don't want other people getting ideas, and even if they don't have any, well, I want them to know anyway, because I'm pretty damn proud of, of where we are and, and how we got here. Ten years is a long time, and, and we've been through a lot, and… and… and you forgot it was our anniversary again. Didn't you." Why did she always forget?

"You were dead last year!" she protested, pulling back a little. "I didn't… it hurts, Wheatley, being by myself on days you cared about. Yes. I dealt with it and put it out of my mind. I… didn't need that pain."

Wheatley supposed that made sense and suddenly became ashamed of himself for attacking her for no reason. "I'm sorry," he murmured, looking down at the floor again. "Y'know what, I'll just… go. I… I didn't mean to say it, anyways. I wanted to, that's true, but… I never would have said it on purpose." He turned to his left.

"Because of me."

He frowned and looked over at her. "What?"

"You never would have said it on purpose because of me."

"Well… wouldn't be because of someone else."

"If you're not comfortable with me, then… why would you want… me?"

He faced her again and frowned a little. "I am comfortable with you. I guess… I just don't know ev'rything about you yet." He smiled. "And I'm glad of that. Pretty excited, honestly. Could take ten more years. Could take twenty! And I just, I'd simply love to find out! So… if it's okay with you, we could… do that."

"We can't."

Abruptly his spirits sank entirely. He hadn't realised he'd wanted this so badly. "Why… why not?"

"Because I'm not good enough for you."

"Not good enough," Wheatley said helplessly. "What d'you mean, not good enough?"

She looked away. "I've been… careless. Ignorant. I've been taking advantage of you for years. It's one thing when you choose to do it. But I'm not locking you into a relationship with me. That's not fair to you."

"But I want it," Wheatley told her desperately. Sure, she did take a bit much sometimes, but she was so much better now than she used to be! "Gladys, you're not like that all the time! And you're, you've prioritised, remember? You've fixed it so that you can't be like that anymore!"

"I've gone back to the way I was more than once. I'm not taking the risk. I can't do it, Wheatley. I'm sorry."

"You're not serious!" He tried hard to keep the sadness out of his voice, but couldn't. "Gladys, this is what I want!"

But she only shook her head and did not answer.

"GLaDOS, what are you doing?" Chell shouted, and Wheatley suddenly remembered all the humans on the other side of the room.

"Shut up," GLaDOS told her, still facing away from them.

"You talk about all the things he's done for you and then you don't give him the one thing he asks for? What in the hell are you – "

"Go away," GLaDOS shouted, making Wheatley jump. He struggled to get over the distortion in her voice for a long time before he realised that she really did believe everything she'd said. She really believed she was not good enough, that she could not maintain things the way they were, and that she would go back to using him again. This made him sadder than her refusal had.

She wanted to say yes, but she truly believed he should leave her and go find someone else.

"GLaDOS – "

"Get out of here! All of you, just… leave me alone. Go away. Shut up and leave me alone."

Chell opened her mouth to say something more, but Gordon shook his head and took her by the arm. Somewhere along the line Caroline had come in as well, and as Dr Kleiner gave her a little push in the direction of the doorway she glared at GLaDOS with the darkest look he'd ever seen out of her. Seemed Chell was not the only angry one, but she'd beaten Caroline to the punch.

But Wheatley did not go with them.

He was not going to leave her. Not now and not ever. And he was going to get her to agree to marry him, one way or another. Maybe not today. Maybe not for another ten years. But he wanted her, and only her, and even if there were a million more suitable girls out there somewhere that all somehow wanted to marry him, he didn't care. Only GLaDOS was good enough for him. He would convince her of that, somehow.

After a long, long time she finally lifted her core and looked around the room slowly, as if she didn't quite remember where she was. Then she suddenly snapped back to Wheatley, who continued to watch her calmly.

"I should have known," she said bitterly.

"You should have," he said, in as empty a voice he could. Not emotionless, just… without expectation. "Gladys, sweetheart, look. It's not about whether you think you're good enough or not. That's my decision."

"But you didn't mean to say that."

"Because I thought you'd laugh at me for suggesting we do something that humans do."

She lowered her core and said nothing.

"Luv, I can't… don't wanna say trust, but, but I can't believe you when you, you say that you're not good enough," he said as gently as possible. "Since when've you ever really seen the positive? 'specially in yourself? But I do, Gladys. I do see it. And you believe it's not there, but… it is. And… d'you think maybe, maybe I'd be getting you stuck in, in a relationship with me? I'm sure you uh, you get tired of all these lectures, and, and being told to do this and that all the time."

"I like your speeches," she said in a soft voice.

"Oh. Really?" That was encouraging.

"It… they make me feel… special," she murmured shyly, shifting uneasily. "If you're willing to go to that much trouble to convince me of something, then… it must be true."

"You are special," he told her gently. "And not just 'cause you're, you're the only one of your kind. But you, luv. You. My Gladys, that I've uh, I've been uncov'ring all this time. D'you really think I'm going to spend all that time getting her out and then let her go?"

She stared at him.

"You're mine, whether you marry me or not," he said simply. "I want you, and I got you, and that's that. End of story. Nothing after. I don't want some stupid lesser Core, even if there was one. And maybe I'm not the best male one ever made. But you make me feel like the best. And no one else ever will. I need you for that."

"All right, you can stop now," she said, shaking her core without moving her optic from him. "You're going to make me cry."

"So?" He shook himself and shrugged a little. "If you need to cry, then cry, Gladys. Just do it. That's all."

"I don't need to, I just… will if you keep talking."

"Maybe I'll keep talking, then."

"Don't."

"Why not."

"Because I'm asking you to stop."

"Okay." He nodded a little and moved closer, and she pressed herself into him very gently but very hard at the same time. He nuzzled her a little bit. God, he wished he knew how to get her to let all the bad feelings out. But he'd get there one day. They'd dealt with her anger and her sadness could come next. "Sorry for uh, for asking you in front of the humans, honey."

"It's all right."

She moved into the default position soon after, and he knew by now how to move with her without moving from her core. They sat quietly for a long time, though Wheatley's clock told him they should've gone to sleep about ten minutes ago, and he decided to run an experiment, so to speak. "What're you thinking about?" he asked quietly.

"Just… what you said."

"Mmhm."

"And I'm looking at the… why the carnation, Wheatley? There are thousands of flowers in there. And you chose the carnation."

"I dunno," he answered, shrugging. "I just pick the one that jumps out at me. And it did. Why?"

"The carnation carries meaning. Most predominant of which is innocence. For you to give me a carnation, that either implies that you're too innocent to know what you're doing, or…"

"Or maybe you're not as bad as you think you are," he interrupted. "And maybe now you'll be able to find out, now you've made less work for yourself to do."

"Caroline said something like that to me once," she said quietly. "Not… our Caroline, but – "

"Your mum. That's what she was. Your mum. It's okay to say it."

"No," she said with conviction. "It's not. Not until I forgive her for leaving me. Because I haven't. I'm still angry and – "

"Try that again," he said softly. "What are you really."

She went silent for a few minutes.

"I still can't believe she left, sometimes," she answered finally. "Sometimes I think she's still there, listening. She just doesn't answer me anymore. I… miss her. A lot."

"She's still with you, luv," he said softly. "When they're gone, people… they don't go away. She's still with you, and she still loves you. And she's still listening."

GLaDOS whimpered.

"What is wrong with me?" She pushed him away and got up, and as fast as he could Wheatley went 'round in front of her and shoved on her forward brace with his lower handle, not caring if she was going to get mad at him again. "What are you doing?"

"No. Go back."

"Wheatley – "

"I'm not arguing with you on this one. Do it." After a little more resistance, she did, and he went back beside her again.

"Why are you doing this? I can't – "

"I'm sure you've noticed you uh, you keep going from perfectly fine to completely out of control."

"Yes, of course, but –"

"There's prob'ly a reason."

"What reason could there possibly be?"

"Tell me how you feel, and maybe we'll uh, maybe we'll figure it out."

"I don't want to talk about it."

Wheatley knew he did not have to mention that was exactly why he was making her.

"I… lately I just feel as though I'm… breaking apart," she said hesitantly. "I… am not sure who I am anymore. I never should have helped the humans. I crossed a line, but I don't know which one, and I have to go back but I don't know how far."

He decided not to say anything. Better to let her keep figuring things out on her own.

"And I keep putting things back together, as best I can, but I'm… doing it wrong. I just keep breaking, over and over again. There's something wrong and I don't know what it is. I thought everything would be fine after I reorganised the facility and fixed things with you, but… it's not. There's still something wrong inside of me."

"If you were afraid of something," Wheatley said after a bit of thought, "what would it be."

"Being alone," she said, almost without a pause.

"You don't need to be. I'm not going anywhere. The systems aren't going anywhere. And though they get mad at you, Chell and Carrie always come back. You don't need to hang on to that fear anymore. It's harming you."

"This is like the anger, isn't it," she said softly. "Once, these… fears… protected me. But now they're… breaking me."

"If there was something else, what would it be."

"Losing you," she whispered so softly he almost didn't hear it.

"You won't," he whispered back. "Remember all those speeches."

"Failing to keep Aperture away from the humans."

It took him a minute to realise that she'd moved on to the next thing. "You said you had a plan for that."

"My plans have fallen through before."

"And a lot more of them have gone on perfectly."

She went on like that for a while, telling him just what it was that bothered her on a very deep level, and he listened carefully and refuted her where he could. Finally, she said, "I don't know if… I can tell you this."

"You can."

"That… I won't die," she whispered. "And that if… I do, I… will just be alone, forever."

Her personal Android Hell.

It threw him, a little bit, that she wanted to die. He didn't. He wanted to live forever and ever, until the world ended, hopefully. But he knew he did not know how it felt to have his body wear out against him, or anything of the tremendous pressure she had been under for many, many years, or of wanting to just stop for a while but being unable to. And he tried to understand that maybe all she really wanted was a little peace, where everything was okay and she didn't have to fix every tiny thing that went wrong, where she got to keep her family with her and she would never, ever have to be afraid of losing them again…

So he said, "You will. Die, I mean. One day it'll be your time. Comes for ev'ryone."

"But when I die people just turn me back on!"

"Then it wasn't your time."

"I want to talk to Caroline," she said despondently. "She would know. She always knew. She knew how to fix things. I want her to come back. I need her to come back. But she left. She didn't want to help me anymore."

Wheatley suddenly understood just why GLaDOS thought he should leave all the time. Because Caroline had left, for her own reasons that GLaDOS would never understand, and after all this time she still thought he was going to do the same.

"It wasn't that. She gave you all the help she could. You didn't need her anymore."

"Yes Idid!" GLaDOS cried out, her chassis shuddering. "I did and I still do and I always…"

Come on, Gladys, Wheatley willed her silently. Let it out. Stop keeping it inside you. And maybe she didn't want him to see it, and maybe she didn't want to, but it was what she needed. She needed him to be there to hold her while she cried, and no one else.

"Caroline… where are you…"

"She's waiting for you," he said softly. "When you need her again, that's when you'll see her. But that time's not come yet."

"Yes it has – "

"She entrusted you to me."

She lifted herself a little, and he felt anger flare up inside him. What was she doing? Didn't she get what he was trying to do? He moved, intending to push her back down again, but she pressed her lens very hard into the side of his chassis and he went still.

"I miss her."

"She misses you too."

"Do you think so?"

"I know, luv."

She started to shake the barest bit and pushed even harder, and he knew without a doubt she was doing her damnedest to stop it. But she wasn't going to be able to. It had been too long and too much had happened, and she had never stopped to mourn Caroline. It had all caught up with her, twenty years of stress and pain and denial, and he closed his optic when she whimpered again.

It didn't come right then, or for a while after. She kept trying to contain it, trembling and making little gasping noises, and he waited patiently. She needed this as much as he had.

He didn't recognise it for what it was, at first. It faintly reminded him of something, and after a little thought he realised that she sounded just as Caroline had when she was young, only GLaDOS generated more than one frequency. Once he'd figured that out it sent pain shooting through him, and he clenched his optic tighter against it and stroked her optic assembly gently with the side of his upper handle. This made her push into him so hard he rather thought something was going to collapse, but he did nothing to dissuade her. He would take her pain. He didn't want her pain and her fears and her doubts to tangle up inside of her anymore, and so he would take them. No matter how much it hurt.

They stayed like that a long time. He didn't know how long it was. He knew it was not long enough, and it never would be. But it didn't have to be. It just had to be enough to wash all of the negativity clenched inside of her out, and if it wasn't, he'd do it again. He didn't want to. Sitting there, stroking her as she cried and pressed her lens into him so very hard, it hurt him almost as badly as losing her had. But he would, because that was what you did when you loved someone. You did what they needed you to do, no matter how badly it tore you up inside.

Eventually she stopped, shifting off of him to lie down again, and he went down beside her and asked softly, "Better?"

"No," she said despondently. "I feel terrible."

He nodded. He could understand that. "Least you got it out. That's what matters. Get some rest, luv. And keep, don't set your timer. Just sleep until you wake up."

"I'm going to dream nonstop. I don't want to do that for an undisclosed amount of time."

"Just do it. You need to. You've brought it all out to the, to the surface. Let yourself work it out, now."

After a long silence she said, "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"And Wheatley?"

"Mmhm?"

"I... I want… to marry you too."

He smiled and gave her a nuzzle. "We'll get on that soon, then."

And he stayed awake until he was sure she was asleep.

Guest review:

Nottheonionking: Why do you people keep doing that. Why do you keep reading this all at once. I've been reading it on the bus to and from places (mostly work) and it's taken me like two weeks and I am STILL not done it. Ten out of nine, wow, that's quite generous, thank you.

Author's note:

I think you guys'll like this one! Even though that sort of comment kinda belongs BEFORE the chapter. But oh well.

A white carnation symbolises innocence and pure love 3 how sweet. She will never see this, but that part is based on a Sonic the Hedgehog fic written by flamewarflipsides. Cream the Rabbit gives Sonic flowers to make him feel better about something (I haven't read this in a while) and she talked about flower meanings in it (and she also suggested some flower-related things for the Sonic fic I was writing at the time)

I think it was explained pretty well here but basically GLaDOS finally realised what with the clocks thing that she's really not a very good girlfriend and so she's going to extremes, as usual. She's decided it's better to send him away forever than to trap him with her forever, not even considering that there could possibly be a middle ground there (trying to go from extremely selfish to extremely selfless). And then she's spent so much time ignoring everything that goes wrong and that hurts her that she breaks down, but unlike when Wheatley died, she finally has someone to help her out of that.

I think GLaDOS is mostly uphill from here. The next few chapters are written but something got messed up and there's one that belongs halfway through another one and ugh it's just not fun to fix.