Part 119. The Next Morning

Strangely, maintenance was… a lot easier than usual.

Not that it was particularly difficult. Wheatley hadn't done it that many times, but enough to get the gist of what GLaDOS probably wanted him to do. Today, though, there was no probably. Instead, she actually just told him what was working for her and what wasn't, and honestly, it was loads more fun than when he had to guess. He had to admit that he hoped this was something that lasted into the future. It seemed, at least for today, that Claptrap really had made her feel less ashamed of needing it. And maybe had even gotten her back to the original days with him she had mentioned, where she hadn't known what they were doing and had just been treating it all as some sort of experiment. What sort, he'd never been clear on, but then again there was very little of the whole process he understood and any explanation she could give wasn't likely to be of much help.

He gave her a minute to herself afterward – sort of, as he needed to put away the things he'd been using anyway – and when he had he went down to her core and asked, as nicely as he could, "Feeling better, there, luv?"

"Hm?" said GLaDOS. "Oh." And then she laughed, which was not at all informative.

"Gonna… gonna need a bit of clarification, there, if you would."

"I didn't need to do that," GLaDOS said, rising a little and tilting her core all the way down, possibly to fully extend some of the pistons there for a moment. "I just wanted to."

… oh.

"Withme?" Wheatley said in delight. She glanced at him.

"No. You just happened to be the only person I had on hand. The whole time I was really thinking about – "

"All right, all right," Wheatley interrupted, before she really got going. "It's just, you've never done this before! Am I not allowed to be flattered that you picked me?"

"I suppose you would find that incredibly exciting," GLaDOS said, but good-naturedly. "All right. I'll allow it."

"So there's an um, a pretty big diff'rence between uh… depending on who you're with."

She looked at him, her optic narrowed a little. "There are a lot of differences," she said, sounding puzzled.

"Well, I mean in how you feel."

"Where is this going, exactly?"

"I haven't got any of those feelings," Wheatley tried to explain. "I'm just trying to figure out why the person matters. That it um, that it happens with."

GLaDOS moved up to her usual height and considered the wall panels in front of her for so long he was about to decide she wasn't going to answer when she said,

"He makes me feel like a goddess."

If that were anything like he had felt when he'd first been in the chassis, Wheatley thought, it was a bit of a mystery why she would ever pick him at all.

"To him," she went on, "I am the most attractive person in all seven galaxies. And he makes me feel as though I truly am. As if, were there to be a contest between all the most beautiful entities that ever existed, I would win. Unanimously. By a long shot. Sometimes I need that, and sometimes it's just… nice."

And Wheatley had beat that out? But how? There was no way he could do anything close to –

"But you," GLaDOS said, and for some reason her looking at him made him so uncomfortable he had to focus on the wall. "You're different. You don't get anything out of it. Not like he does. Certainly not like I do. It's very… selfless on your part. You do it solely because you care, and that is… something else entirely."

He'd never thought of it like that.

"You love me so much you're willing to engage in something that provides you absolutely no benefit at all and can't be reciprocated. Something you don't and can't understand. You're just happy to take care of me. And all of that combines into something I can't sufficiently describe, but which I very much value." He could feel that she was still looking at him. "Does that help?"

It took him a moment to realise she had asked him a question. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah, that… well, I'm… I'm glad I can… can do that for you."

"I know," said GLaDOS. "I can feel everything you mean and all of your intentions when you do it. And you know how I feel about taking meaning from feelings."

He didn't even know what to say. He almost regretted asking, because as happy as he was to hear he was capable of accomplishing all of that by doing something he didn't even really know how to do, now he wanted to know what it was like. Except that even if he had had that function, he never would. GLaDOS did not do it out of love. Claptrap did, and he did, but she didn't and never would.

And why would she, he reminded himself. To her, it's about… control. Control over something she can't fix on her own. I can't fault her for that. And it would be stupid to do so, anyway. He'd told her long ago he didn't want to have the euphoria installed and he still didn't. It was simply far too complicated.

"You can stay if you're going to be quiet," GLaDOS said.

He knew very well he wasn't really capable of that, and he knew as well that she knew he was going to end up talking and probably distract her for the whole day. Maybe she wanted that, and maybe she would just get angrier and angrier until she snapped. She was always in a bit of an incomprehensible mood after maintenance. The smartest thing to do was go now and bother her later.

"I'm not!" he said cheerfully, finally feeling as though he could look at her and doing so. When he did, though, he caught sight of the bracelet. "Wait."

"What?" she asked, glancing in the direction he was facing, but of course unable to see what he was looking at.

"The bracelet," he said.

He wasn't sure how she did it, but her whole demeanour suddenly shifted. Closed off, somehow. "What about it," she said, in a very neutral voice.

"You acted like you didn't want it."

"That was your fault," GLaDOS said. "You had him make it as a joke. To be mean to me."

Oh… bloody hell.

"The worst part is," GLaDOS continued, "I actually like the bracelet. It's orange, so it coordinates with my colour scheme. And the design almost looks like portals, when you hold it the right way. So I know he at least had good intentions. With you, though, I was wondering just what it was I did to deserve that kind of treatment."

"You didn't do anything," Wheatley said quietly. "It was nothing you did, I – "

"I realised that," GLaDOS interrupted. "I almost wish I had done something. It would have made your actions easier to understand."

"I'm sorry," Wheatley said. "I didn't think about the… the meaning. Of them. The actions. But I should've. Won't happen again. But um… you should probably tell Claptrap you liked the bracelet. He wasn't in on it. It was all my idea, and –"

"I know," said GLaDOS. "And I've already talked to him about it."

"You have?"

"Remember. He talks to me constantly. It's very close to a constant mental barrage of every one of his thoughts. It came up."

"Dunno how you deal with it," Wheatley admitted. "I found it pretty overwhelming when the um, when the systems wanted my attention all the time."

"I like the background noise," GLaDOS said. "Or perhaps I'm just too used to it to exist any other way."

That was an idea, Wheatley thought. She'd been fielding multiple people at once literally since the day she'd been turned on. He supposed if he'd had several voices chattering inside of his brain and in his microphones and been expected to listen to every single one of them, he'd be well used to it by now too.

"I never asked how Caroline felt about it," GLaDOS said suddenly. Wheatley looked over at her.

"She could hear… them?"

"I don't know," GLaDOS answered. "I believe so, though she wouldn't have understood them. I know she was aware of my thoughts. When she wanted to be."

"Why would she want to be?"

"She simply didn't have anything else to do. Other than have her own thoughts, which would have gotten old fast."

"And it never bothered you? That she could hear them?"

GLaDOS took a long moment to consider the question.

"Sometimes it did," she said finally. "But I would put up with it gladly if only as knowledge she was still listening."

"It still feels empty. Where she was," Wheatley said. She nodded once, slowly.

"I didn't put anything in that space. It's hers, whether she's there to fill it or not."

He wasn't sure whether that was sweet or morbid. If he'd had a space in his head where an entire other person used to be, what would he do with it? He was working that through when GLaDOS said,

"I was so… petulant when she left. I wish I'd been… better."

Wait. Wait. Now she was talking about Caroline? He didn't mind that, of course not, but he did need to know whether he was supposed to be listening or helping. They were two very different things. "I don't think she thought that, luv," he tried.

"I know she didn't," GLaDOS said. "Still. I was willing to let our relationship end badly in order to 'win' her leaving, and that was… petty. I'm lucky she didn't let me."

She was talking about wishes and luck, two things she fervently hated. He was supposed to be listening, then, probably.

"'S just the sort of thing a mum does, isn't it?" he said, though he honestly didn't know. "Tries to um, to keep you doing things you'll regret later?"

"It could have been much worse," she agreed. "I just… sometimes wonder if she wanted to be my mother, or if she felt as though she had to be."

"She became part of you to protect you," Wheatley reminded her. "She picked it long before she, before even she knew she was doing it."

"You're right," GLaDOS said, which surprised him. "I try not to think about… that day. It was hard. And a lot of the things I did even before that were… well, childish. Very embarrassing to think about."

"Gladys, that was… that was over ten years ago," said Wheatley, completely confused as to what the actual problem was. "Why're you comparing the you then to you – to the you now?"

GLaDOS was quiet for a moment.

"Ten years is so long," she said. "And the time I had her was so short. I wasted a lot of it."

What on earth was he supposed to say to that!? He didn't have parents, how would he –

Wait. He didn't have parents, but he was one. Okay. Alright. What would he do if this situation was Carrie talking about having spent the short time her mum had been around poorly? Well, he'd have to imagine what GLaDOS would say if Carrie told her she thought she'd wasted the time they'd had together. And that would probably be…

"You can't waste time you spent with another person. 'S not how time works. It's always gotta result in something. That thing's not always, y'know, ideal, but um… what is? And luv, you're very… you're very complex. It's impressive a human was able to handle you at all, if I'm honest. Not saying Caroline wasn't complex herself, not saying that. But you're… you're in a league of your own, you really are. It's a testament to the both of you that your relationship went as swimmingly as it did. When you think about it."

GLaDOS was staring at him. He waited for her to tell him what part of that had offended her, but she didn't. She just kept staring at him.

"I'm doing my best, here," he said.

"I know," said GLaDOS. "I'm just confused. A lot of that sounds very much like me."

"And who better to channel for problem-solving!" Wheatley said. "Look, luv, if you'd like to talk about Caroline, that's fine, that's all fine, I just… I never know if I'm supposed to be helping or just um, or only listening. So –"

"I don't know either," GLaDOS interrupted. "A lot of the time I want you to do the opposite of what you're currently doing. So even if I told you, the knowledge wouldn't really be that helpful."

Wheatley generated a sigh. "This is exactly what I'm talking about. You're just loads of mysteries, all glued together. Into a blob. Which mystery is which? Who knows. Not you. We're untangling them together. Which is… well, it's rather nice, actually."

"What?"

He shrugged. "I like learning things about you. 'Specially when you're, y'know. Actually contributing. And I'm not navigating the uh, the minefield of your um… emotions."

"Trust me, that isn't any easier on my end," GLaDOS said dryly. "If I could uninstall them, I would."

"Not… not really, though, yeah?"

"I'd be a much better AI without them."

"By the, the measures you care about, I s'pose," he said, looking away from her, "but uh… well, there's a lot of people who're um, who're made better because of your love for them. Be a shame to take that away from them. In my opinion."

"It would," GLaDOS said, again surprising him. "But the plain fact is, the AI part of myself and the sentient part aren't quite reconciled. They may never be. One is always going to get in the way of the other and I'm always going to have to balance them while feeling like I should be devoting more time and effort into the other one. It isn't fun for me, you know."

"Didn't say it was," Wheatley reminded her. "I mean, I do try to get you to think about other things, but you'd be liable to work twenty-four-seven if we let you. Remember when you said you weren't supposed to be happy? That you were supposed to be perfect? Don't think you ever dropped that. Dunno if you even can. But it's fine, it's all fine. That's what we're for. You've just got to make sure you listen now and again."

"That's very insightful," GLaDOS said, without even looking away or lowering her voice, and Wheatley smiled.

"I've got my moments."

Whatever she was going to say after that was interrupted by Carrie, who appeared without notice as she often did. "Hey, Momma," she said, and GLaDOS made an exasperated electronic noise and turned away from her. "What?"

"Don't 'what' me," said GLaDOS. "You want something."

"You're right! I do!" she said. "I want to go on the ECHO Net."

"I hope you wrote yourself an anti-virus, then."

"I knew you were going to say that, so I did." She looked quite pleased with herself, Wheatley thought.

"Let's see it."

GLaDOS produced a monitor and displayed what Carrie had sent on it, though she scrolled through it rapidly for only about five seconds before turning to her, lens narrowed. "Seriously?"

"No," Carrie said, "I'm joking. I did look at the one you made for Claptrap. That's why I have it. I'll send you the actual one." And in another few moments GLaDOS opened a different file on the monitor, which she read through quite a bit slower.

"Well?" Carrie asked as soon as she got to the bottom, looking about to bounce out of her chassis in excitement. "How'd I do?"

"You understand most of the important concepts," GLaDOS said, looking through the file again backwards. "We'll talk about where you went wrong."

"Oh," said Carrie, sounding a bit deflated. She should have known just copying what GLaDOS had done wouldn't get her very far, though.

"And we'll talk about the ECHONet itself," GLaDOS continued. "It's a large and dangerous place. If you manage to pick up a virus or malware from it, I may not be able to help you."

Carrie immediately became distressed. "What do you mean? You fixed Claptrap, how could you not fix me?"

"Believe it or not, Claptrap was actually shipped with quite a lot of antivirus software," GLaDOS said. "To prevent the other corporations from breaking into Hyperion's operating system. He does click on just about every advertisement he sees, but that mostly just serves to make him operate slightly slower, given how much processing power his system has to devote to quarantining and removing all the malware he accidentally downloads."

"But you go on it," Carrie said.

"Very little of it, and not very often," said GLaDOS. "Mostly only links Claptrap sends me, and only if they're on the list of sites unlikely to kill me."

"You're being dramatic," guessed Carrie, though she didn't sound certain.

"Mildly," GLaDOS said. "We'll discuss it later."

"Send me the one you have and I'll fix it!"

"I really doubt that will accomplish anything, given your operating system is different from mine, but very well."

"Good! I'll write you one next."

GLaDOS laughed and put the monitor away.

"By the way, Momma, you smell really nice," Carrie said, and with that she left. Which was probably a good thing, because GLaDOS immediately rounded on Wheatley.

"What did you do?" she demanded.

"Nothing!" he protested, moving back. "I didn't do anything!"

"You must have done something differently. She's never said that before."

"Oh," said Wheatley. "Well, I did use soap this time."

"Soap?" repeated GLaDOS.

"Yeah. I used to um, to just use water, but when Claptrap and I uh… worked on you, there, he used soap. So… I borrowed it. This morning." He shrugged. "Dunno why she said that. Pretty sure I used it right."

"Do I now need to be concerned about people… smelling me?"

Wheatley emulated a snort. "People? What people? You hosting a party you uh, you've neglected to mention? 'Sides. It's not as though I drenched you in the stuff. It'll wear off soon enough and you'll be back to normal."

"I can't tell whether or not that's a good or a bad thing."

He didn't, either, and took a moment to think it over. "… Good," he said finally. "I don't remember what um, what sort of soap it is, but I'm partial to 'overworked supercomputer', myself."

"And rust," GLaDOS said.

"No, that one could be me," said Wheatley. "Or the ceiling. Or the floor. The entire facility must've been soaking wet at some point. You're never going to get it all out."

She giggled and then said, "Not again," very quietly.

"You're never going to stop doing that," he teased.

"Doing what? I haven't done anything. Other than waste a significant amount of time talking to you."

"If it's such a waste, why're you still doing it?"

"It's your fault. You're influencing me into making a terrible decision."

"That's how that works, now, is it?"

"That's how it's always worked."

"If you really need an excuse for being so cute, then I'll be it, sure."

"I am not," said GLaDOS.

"You are," said Wheatley. "Adorable. Like a kitten."

She actually moved away from him and said, with genuine indignity, "Wheatley!"

He shrugged as casually as he could. "What d'you want me to do? 'S not my fault you're so adorable."

"There's something very wrong with you."

"Tell you what. I'll go 'round asking everyone if they think you're adorable and um, and see what they say. How about that. Do a survey. Get some good ol' evidence for you."

"Don't you dare," said GLaDOS.

"But Gladys! It'd get me int'rested in science! Wouldn't that be great?"

"I'd rather never do Science again," said GLaDOS. "Hey. Let's watch a movie."

He got stuck for a minute, since that was one of the last things he had ever expected to hear her say. Then he frowned. "Right now?" he asked. "Haven't you got to work?"

"I can do both," GLaDOS said. "I just usually don't because you make a big deal out of it."

He rolled his optic. "God forbid I want you to be paying attention to me when we're um, when we're doing something together."

"Go ahead. Look for someone who can pay more attention to you than me. Except you can't. There's no one. No one else can think about you quite as much or as often as I can. No one else has the thought capacity that I do. No one –" She must have noticed he was trying not to laugh, because after cutting herself off all she said was, "Damn it."

"No, go on," Wheatley said. "I want to hear about how much you think about me. If someone else were to um, were to match you in, shall we say, related thoughts, what would you do to beat them? Would you insert an extra hour into your day? You'd insert an extra hour into your day, wouldn't you. An extra hour, just for you to think about –"

"The movie, Wheatley. Take it or leave it."

Well, he had to take it, of course.

The film was about a race of robots who had gotten into a war and ended up on Earth searching for a magic cube, which would have been fine, except that the ones who were supposed to be the good guys decided to team up with the humans to find it. They were teamed up so closely, in fact, that the robots – who could turn themselves into vehicles – let the humans sit inside of them and drove them around.

"You're kidding," said GLaDOS to the monitor, aghast.

"I don't think they are," said Wheatley.

"That's disgusting," said GLaDOS. "Don't they know that humans are constantly shedding?"

"Mmm… doesn't look like it."

"I'm glad I was so distracted when it happened to me."

Wheatley had to get off of her so that she would turn to see why and he could look at her directly. "Someone was sitting in you?"

Her optic narrowed slightly. "Didn't I – oh. No. I never did tell you about that."

"So… what happened?"

It turned out she'd never told him because it had happened during the year he'd been dead, but she seemed alright to talk about it now. When she had finished, she looked back at the film for a minute, then muted it and told him the other bits, about her moving the facility and Carrie bringing in the Black Mesa scientists after she'd arrived a bit worse for wear. He hadn't known it was possible to be any more impressed by her, but that did it. "They were talking about how um, how great it was they could poke about in your brain while you were still on?" he asked, dismayed.

"They didn't realise I was semi-conscious," said GLaDOS. "To be honest, I'm not entirely pleased I have that feature."

"What was it for, d'you know?"

"Diagnostic reasons, most likely." She glanced at the screen where two of the giant robots were busily smashing each other up. "They do it during human brain surgery, actually. To ensure they aren't doing anything that would destroy brain function. Then again… the human brain doesn't have any nerve endings."

"It doesn't what?"

"It can't tell if something is touching it," GLaDOS clarified. "My brain can."

"And they can't just… turn you off for… whatever it is they're doing?"

"No. Not unless they happened to have another one of me as backup to run things while I was out. And even then, I'm not sure."

So… so even while so ill that someone needed to poke about in her brain, she still needed to be on so that she could operate the facility. And that was by design. On purpose. Even when she felt her worst, she still had to be at her best. And getting rid of the humans hadn't even changed that. The situation was, now, even worse than it had been before.

"Is it… d'you feel pressured, that um, that everyone depends on and expects you to be strong all the time?"

"Not at all," said GLaDOS. "For me to care about that, I'd have to care about other people's opinions of me in general. Besides. I don't see a problem with expecting me to do my job."

"Because you're always doing it," argued Wheatley. "You're doing it right now."

"Yes."

"Well, what if… if your job made you… I dunno, depressed? What then?"

"Why would being Central Core make me depressed?" GLaDOS asked, narrowing her optic momentarily in confusion. "I like my job. It just so happens that I also like complaining about it."

"I've just been worrying about nothing, then, yeah?"

"I'm pretty much the opposite of nothing," said GLaDOS, and once he got it he gave her a shove for being so terrible.

Author's note

Would you believe video games happened again?