A/N : Just a collection of one-shots and drabbles that I didn't feel were substantial enough to warrant their own dedicated titles.
Warnings! : Lots of pairings, and many genres and ratings. M is the standard for me, though. Some of these will be happy, some will be soul-crushing (because you guys know me by now, right?), some could be very silly. Etc. Each story will get its own detailed warning section, of course. And, of course, to those of you who may not know, my Germany is ALWAYS the bottom. Like, even with the chicks. (that's only a slight exaggeration) That's my slogan from now on : 'TWIGO, your one-stop shop for bottom!Germany since 2011.'
So let's start out with some Romano x Germany, Italy x Germany, 'cause why not. Language, unfaithful partners, nothing particularly unpleasant, that aside.
LUNA
Feliciano and Lovino were polar opposites.
If Feliciano was day, then Lovino was night. The sun and the moon, always fighting against each other and always clashing. Feliciano thrived in daylight, loved the sunshine, loved blue skies and a clear horizon, loved the golden rays of daylight hitting the ground. Lovino flourished in the night, loved the sight of the moon on high, the stars against the black of space, the cool air and the clouds when they came, lighting up white for the moon they obscured.
They were fraternal twins, always connected and yet entirely unique. Lovino had been born first, and so that made him the older brother, if only by half an hour, and somehow, in someway, Feliciano had always been treated as the younger child and spoiled accordingly. They had never really seen eye to eye, since they had been children. Had always seemed to stand on opposite sides.
Feliciano never could understand Lovino, and that sentiment was mutual, and above all else Feliciano could never grasp Lovino's love of nighttime.
Lovino could never really just go up to Feliciano, after all, and say, 'I love the night so much because that's the only time I get to be with the person I love.'
Could never say that, of course, considering that the person he loved happened to be Feliciano's fiancé.
It had been an accident at first, because naturally the first line of defense for everyone caught in that situation was to say, 'It was an accident!'
'I didn't mean to, it just happened.'
It may have been an accident on Ludwig's part, but it hadn't been on Lovino's, had he ever allowed himself to be truthful. Had never been an accident, and hadn't just 'happened', nor had Lovino just 'never meant to'. Ludwig had been drunk, Lovino hadn't been, and what had happened had happened.
And really, the worst part of it all perhaps was that it had happened the night that Feliciano had proposed to Ludwig. Damn—he couldn't really get much worse than that, and surely he must have been the evil twin.
That night.
Lovino had known all about it, because Feliciano had been prattling about it endlessly to Lovino for weeks, and Lovino had hated every damn second of it because he had fallen for Ludwig not long after Feliciano had brought him into their lives.
Pitiful, being silently in love with his brother's man for five years, pining from afar and unwilling to let it go.
When Feliciano had showed Lovino the ring and told him his plans, Lovino had gone out to the pier on the lake, far below the house that he and Feliciano had inherited from their grandfather. He had plopped down there on the wood and buried his face in his arms and struggled not to cry, pathetic as it was. So stupid, fallin' in love with someone that belonged to someone else.
So Lovino just watched as he always had, and then that day had come, and Lovino found himself wandering down yet again to the pier, to stare at the moon and mourn silently. He just hadn't expected Ludwig to already be there, sitting with his knees pulled up and arms wrapped around them. Feliciano hadn't been there, and it was very, very late. Well past midnight.
Lovino fell still there at the top of the grassy slope, and hesitated. Didn't really want to go down there if he wasn't alone, and it was rather strange, wasn't it, that Ludwig was out there without Feliciano, after such an important day.
He had spent the entire day out in the city, knowing that Feliciano wanted privacy, and so was rather in the dark as to what had gone down. Wondered how Feliciano had done it. Where was he? The hell was Ludwig doing out there all alone?
Oh—
An awful, burning pang of hope, cruel though it was, and Lovino inhaled and felt the rush of adrenaline. Maybe it had gone wrong, and maybe Ludwig had refused. Maybe it had been too soon or too serious, and he had declined.
It was that notion that led Lovino at last down the hill and to the pier, and if Ludwig heard him coming over then he didn't look up, face buried in his knees. He didn't look up at all, actually, even when Lovino sat down there beside of him, legs crossed and staring over expectantly.
Was afraid to ask, but wanted to know.
After a silence, Lovino finally uttered, "Hey."
A deep inhale, and Ludwig lifted his head, turning it to Lovino, and there was a rather bleary search before Ludwig's red eyes settled on him.
Oh, damn! Had he been crying?
There was that awful hope, rising ever more.
"You alright?" he managed to ask, as Ludwig stared at him, pale irises lit up silver in the moonlight. Loved those eyes, so much, the prettiest things he had ever seen, Ludwig's eyes.
Ludwig sat up straight, stretched his legs out and rested his arms at his sides, and finally said, in a slur, "Yeah. I guess."
Lovino realized how drunk Ludwig was in that second, and scooted closer to him, just in case he decided to move too quickly and toppled right into the water. Couldn't let the dumb bastard drown, after all.
"You don't look alright," Lovino said, and yet his hopes were very cruelly dashed then when a glint of light caught his eye, and he glanced down. On Ludwig's finger sat Feliciano's lovely, specially made ring, and Lovino was pretty sure he felt his heart break a little, sad as it was.
Had accepted, after all.
So why did he look so miserable?
Ludwig just sat there, propped up on his palms, unfocused eyes sweeping over the lake, cheeks red and hair loose, whipping in the breeze. Ludwig was beautiful, always had been, and Lovino turned his eyes up briefly to the moon.
Shoulda known, really. Feliciano was handsome and charming. So funny. Optimistic and cheery, bright, friendly and always affectionate. Lovino had never stood a chance, from the day they were born. Lovino was no doubt considered handsome by some, in his own gruff way, but how he looked made no never mind when Feliciano outshined him personality wise in such a dramatic way.
Lovino was in love with Ludwig, and yet had never once treated him very kindly. Had always berated him for something or another, teased him always, sometimes perhaps a bit cruelly, had made fun of Ludwig from time to time, often said things that no doubt hurt Ludwig's feelings and made him feel emasculated or vulnerable.
He did it because he loved Ludwig, and so he lashed out at him so that Ludwig would never get too close to him, would never really want to be around him. That made it easier for Lovino, to keep it that way. If ever Ludwig had really wanted to be his friend, it would have been so much more painful.
Yet, for it all, Ludwig had always been polite and kind to Lovino, had never lashed back, had never retorted, and always just accepted whatever Lovino threw at him so quietly. Never lifted his hand in his own defense.
Feliciano and Ludwig were lovely together, in every possible way, and Lovino was far too aware of that.
The waves lapped gently at the pier, the tethered boat sloshing about with them, and Ludwig suddenly gave a very rough, breaking laugh that sounded more like a sob, and he sat up, leaned forward, twisted his head in Lovino's direction, and said, his voice far too thick, "Will you take me out on the lake?"
Dumbly, caught up in that silent grief, Lovino could only nod his head.
Couldn't even lash out at Ludwig then, couldn't make fun of him. Just didn't have the heart in that moment, seeing him like that. Hearing that trembling voice, as if Ludwig were trying so hard not to burst into tears.
He stood up, and extended his hand to Ludwig. Ludwig seemed quite shocked but accepted it without question. When Lovino pulled Ludwig to his feet he stumbled, and Lovino was quick to catch him. Feeling Ludwig pressed up like that against him, though—ah, how that hurt.
He led drunk Ludwig to the boat, very carefully helped him step into it, and glanced briefly over his shoulder to the house. Nothing stirred; Feliciano must have been passed out.
He hopped in, took the keys from the box, and Ludwig lied down on his back on the deck rather than sitting, staring up at the sky and lips pursed. Lovino really hoped, as he turned the ignition and started out, that Ludwig didn't start crying, because he wouldn't know what to do in that situation. Wasn't good at this kinda stuff, and didn't even know what the hell was wrong with Ludwig, when he clearly had accepted Feliciano's proposal.
Ludwig stayed silent the entire while Lovino steered the boat, and when they were out in the middle of the lake, the shore far away on every side, Lovino cut the ignition and walked over to Ludwig, sitting himself down on the seat and staring away at him.
Ludwig didn't really acknowledge him, just following stars with his bleary eyes.
The air was cool, the sky was clear, the stars bright and numerous. The leaves of the trees were beginning to change color, and the scent of them mingled with the water. It was a perfect night, really, and here Ludwig was on this boat, a ring on his finger and looking distraught.
Wished he hadn't really seen this, honestly.
Lovino was moving out soon, so soon. After all, this would become Feliciano's marital home, and Lovino couldn't stay there like that, looking at the person he wanted and couldn't have. A few more weeks, and he was gone. Maybe then he could have forgotten about Ludwig. So why did this have to happen now? By all rights, Ludwig should have been so happy.
Should have only looked like that had he rejected the offer.
Ludwig seemed in no rush to make conversation, so Lovino hunkered down, hands clasped and elbows resting on his knees, and he finally asked, "So what the hell's the matter with you? You should be happy, shouldn't ya?"
Ludwig lifted his hand clumsily into the air, turning it this way and that in the moonlight, observing his new ring silently, and then his arm flopped back down to the deck like deadweight as Ludwig sighed, tiredly.
"Yeah," he finally uttered, deep voice rough and low. "Guess I should be."
Lovino watched him, expectantly, but drunk Ludwig clearly needed some prodding, as usual, so Lovino led the conversation, trying, so carefully, "But you're not?"
"I don't know."
Lovino scoffed, and stated, "That means 'no'. It's an engagement, either you're happy or you're not. There's no middle ground."
A long silence, and then Ludwig said, strangely, "I'm sorry. I want to be happy. I'm trying. I just..."
"You didn't want to? You don't want to marry him?"
Hoped his voice wasn't too eager.
As if it mattered, because Ludwig was far too drunk to even keep his gaze focused, let alone pick up on different tones in Lovino's voice.
Inebriated Ludwig was a bit more open than the sober one, because the sober one would have never have been able to sigh then, and say, so softly, "No."
Oh, god, Lovino coulda dropped dead then, he swore it, from that elation he felt. That stupid, thin hope he was clinging to, that incredible sense of disbelief and excitement. For all it mattered; Ludwig getting cold feet meant nothing for Lovino, because Lovino was an asshole to Ludwig and there was no chance in hell that Ludwig would have ever given Lovino the time of day. Ludwig could have had anyone he wanted, because Ludwig was truly perfect as far as Lovino's tastes went; tall, blond, handsome, well-built, and above all else a good person. That last one in particular was the real selling point.
Lovino didn't stand a chance.
All the same, he felt excited regardless, and quickly asked, more harshly than he meant to, "Then why the hell did you say yes, you big fuckin' idiot? Are you stupid or what?"
Too drunk to be offended maybe, Ludwig just gave a short, quivering laugh, and then closed his eyes.
"Yeah. Guess so. I didn't want— How could I have said no? It woulda broken his heart. He's the best guy. I don't know what's wrong with me. He's everything I ever wanted, but I just don't think I love him like he loves me."
Fuckin' Christ!
Ludwig was so damn stupid, so stupid.
"You're too goddamn nice," Lovino griped, angrily, staring down at Ludwig, lit up beautiful in the moonlight.
That had been the first thing Lovino had really noticed about Ludwig. The very first day they had met, Lovino had been so sure that Ludwig was a hard-ass, stern and harsh, because that was the impression his strict face gave off. And Ludwig was stern, yeah, was very serious and very stoic, but honest to god Ludwig was the nicest guy Lovino had ever met. Had such a misleading air about him, resting bitch-face he supposed, to be catty about it. Had taken just one meeting with Ludwig to see how good a guy he was. Feliciano was loving and warm to the world, and Ludwig's kindness was different, but just as potent. Ludwig was quiet and strict, a bit guarded and cool, but was no less kind than Feliciano. He just couldn't express it as well, but anyone who bothered talking to him could so easily pick up on it.
Lovino had always found Ludwig too nice. At least Feliciano could put his foot down and assert himself very vociferously, but Ludwig usually just folded very quietly to the whims of others, doing as he was told, as if he were performing some duty. Ludwig was strict alright, but seemed the most strict of all with himself, and put others before him.
Now look where it had gotten him.
Ludwig was silent, eyes glued to the moon, and Lovino heaved a sigh and rolled down onto the deck next to Ludwig, splaying out on his back and observing the stars.
What a damn mess.
A long, heavy silence, as they stared at the sky in unison, and then Lovino finally asked, gruffly, "So what are you gonna do?"
Ludwig didn't answer immediately. Lovino had turned his head to stare at him, because Ludwig was prettier than the moon was and far more hypnotic. Ludwig eventually turned his head, too, meeting Lovino's gaze, and what he said then had been nothing that Lovino had expected.
To say the least.
"You know. It's stupid, and I know it's not right, but I— I think I just stayed with him because I couldn't ever get you to like me. All those years, and I couldn't ever make you stop hating me, no matter what I did. I just gave up. He loves me, so I stayed with him. He sort of looks like you, a little. You have the same nose."
Ludwig immediately turned his head back straight, once more pinning his eyes to the moon as Lovino lied there breathless beside of him.
As an afterthought, as speechless Lovino attempted to process what he had heard, Ludwig laughed, roughly, and grumbled, "Don't tell him I said that, thanks."
But, hey, wait—that wasn't right! He had never hated Ludwig, never, had just been so damn mean to him because Ludwig had been with Feliciano, hadn't ever really wanted to hurt Ludwig's feelings so much as he felt that he had to.
Lovino sat up, staring down at Ludwig in what was likely a stupid manner, mouth open and feeling as if the lake had suddenly turned into the ocean. Quite lost at sea, in a way. He tried to speak, and found that he just couldn't. His voice wouldn't cooperate, wouldn't come out, and so Lovino did then the only thing that seemed natural to him, the only thing he had ever wanted to do, the thing he had dreamt of.
He leaned over, pressed down, and kissed Ludwig.
It was Ludwig then who looked stunned, eyes flying wide open and inhaling very sharply, even against his intoxication.
Lovino pulled back as abruptly as he had pushed forward, sitting up straight and turning his eyes to the gentle waves on the lake. How marvelously surreal that had felt. How wonderful. Had wanted to do that for five years. Had never dreamed he would ever be able to.
Didn't know what to say, and apparently neither did Ludwig, because they sat there in silence for a very long time.
He fell into a bit of a trance, perhaps, following the waves with his eyes, the fall air comforting, and he only really came to when Ludwig had reached up and grabbed his arm. He offered no resistance at all when Ludwig pulled him down then atop him. Just fell right down on Ludwig's chest, as Ludwig was the one to crane his neck up and kiss Lovino.
And, well...
Ludwig was drunk and confused and an emotional wreck, overwhelmed and vulnerable, and Lovino had known that it wasn't right. Knew that in some way he was taking advantage of Ludwig in that moment, but hell, he was a shitty guy wasn't he, in love with his brother's man as he was, so why not just go all the way? Claim something he had always wanted.
Feliciano got everything; why couldn't he have something, just this once?
It wasn't right, but Lovino did it anyway.
Ludwig's hands were on his shoulders, and the next thing Lovino really knew he had pulled limp Ludwig up and yanked his shirt off, and then his own, as Ludwig clung helplessly to his shoulders, too damn drunk to even really move all that well.
With every motion he made, Lovino knew he was very much crossing the line of morality, but he charged on anyway. Couldn't just forget Ludwig's words, couldn't cast aside that feeling, and so it didn't matter much to Lovino how wrong or right it was; just mattered that Ludwig had said something he had apparently been hiding for years, and Lovino had hid that, too.
If they felt that way about each other, then Lovino didn't feel so bad about it.
He neatly cast Feliciano aside, and made love to Ludwig there on that boat under the moonlight, feeling needed and wanted for the first time in as long as he could remember, as Ludwig whispered away in his ear in that deep rumble that Lovino had always liked.
The best night of his life.
When he collapsed atop Ludwig, Ludwig ran his hands up Lovino's back, kissed his forehead, and drifted immediately into sleep, as Lovino listened to his heartbeat, the boat drifting about carelessly in the waves.
Had never really felt as comfortable as he did then, and very much regretted when the horizon began to lighten and tint pink.
Time to go.
He rolled off of Ludwig, who came into consciousness just long enough for Lovino to dress him, and he steered the boat back to shore. Ludwig was a deadweight by then, unable to really walk on his own and needing Lovino to lean against just to move. How he got Ludwig onto that pier without dropping him into the lake, Lovino could never really say.
He felt no guilt, none at all, not when Ludwig turned his head over and over again and kissed his cheek as Lovino hauled him with effort back to the house.
Feliciano was still passed out on the sofa when they came back inside at the break of dawn. Ludwig collapsed immediately upon the bed and fell into unconsciousness, and Lovino could really only wait until he woke up sober and see where they stood. How much Ludwig remembered, and, more importantly, if he was going to break Lovino's nose on the chance he did remember, for taking advantage of him.
Feliciano came to first, naturally, and Lovino watched with little shame as Feliciano floated about in an ecstatic daze, his proposal the night prior having been accepted, and his smile was bright and endless, no matter how hung-over and sick he was.
Ludwig slept the day away, and didn't awaken until the sun had set, and he came to then only to run to the bathroom and vomit. Feliciano laughed, but rubbed his back soothingly anyway, as a good partner would.
Lovino tapped his foot, anxiously, and waited.
A few hours later, Feliciano went to bed, and Lovino sat on the couch, flipping through channels on the television and anxiously glancing towards the bathroom, where Ludwig had barricaded himself, curled on the floor and nursing his nausea.
Just when Lovino was ready to call it a night, the door creaked open and Ludwig came tumbling out, pale and clammy and looking like hell. He made for the kitchen, started putting back glass after glass of water, and then he grabbed the orange juice out of the refrigerator and started chugging.
Lovino gathered up his nerve, walked up behind him, and leaned on the counter, propping himself up on his palms.
When Ludwig finished decimating the carton of juice, he turned his head to Lovino, looked him up and down, and then turned away. A crinkle of his brow and a pushing out of his lips, thoughtfully, as if Ludwig were trying to determine whether that had been real or a dream.
Lovino decided to make it easy for him and walked over, twisting Ludwig around until they were facing each other and then pulling the dazed bastard up against him in an embrace.
A coin toss, however, to see if Ludwig was going to punch him or not.
But Ludwig didn't punch him, and actually just slumped immediately against him in exhaustion, burying his face in Lovino's shoulder.
The thrill and happiness Lovino felt then had no description, nothing he had ever really felt before. Knowing that not only did Ludwig remember, but that he was still receptive and that what he had said hadn't merely been a drunken slip of the tongue.
A long moment of resting against each other, and then Ludwig moaned, into Lovino's collar, "Oh—I wish you would have just said something years ago."
"Yeah," Lovino grumbled, clenching Ludwig for all he was worth, "Me too."
They stood there in the kitchen and embraced each other for what felt like hours, as Feliciano slept obliviously away.
After that, it had become an affair, and it may not have been his proudest moment, but Lovino didn't regret it at all. Wouldn't have taken it back for anything in the world.
Feliciano carried about his business, entirely and blissfully unaware that his fiancé and his twin were suddenly lovers. Shouldn't have been that way, no, and they both knew it was wrong.
Lovino tried hard to spur Ludwig on, to convince him to tell Feliciano that he just wasn't in love with him, that he didn't want to get married, that he didn't want to be with him anymore, but Ludwig always folded and choked. Was never able to say it, and kept putting it off.
Feliciano just never noticed, never considered it, never once had it cross his mind, and maybe that was because he and Lovino didn't live together anymore and because Lovino had always been so rude to Ludwig.
Months passed. Then years.
Suddenly, Lovino and Ludwig had been seeing each other for two years, and Ludwig still hadn't told Feliciano.
They had fallen into a routine.
Feliciano's job took him out of the city three nights a week, and those three nights had become Lovino's favorite moments in time, because he knew he wouldn't be alone. Knew that the second Feliciano left, that Ludwig would show up at his door and stay there.
Lovino loved every minute they were together, and wished, above all else, that Ludwig would one day find the courage to tell Feliciano how he felt. Lovino had offered to do it, several times, but Ludwig always shot him down.
That always bothered Lovino, because Ludwig claimed he wasn't in love with Feliciano the way he was with Lovino, and yet had still not told him the truth.
So Lovino lied in bed with Ludwig one of those wonderful nights, and gathered up the courage.
Lovino stared over at Ludwig, eyes flitting over his face, and finally asked, "Who do you really love?"
Just wanted to know. If Ludwig didn't leave Feliciano because he was really in love with him but was just confused, then that was that. Just wanted to know.
Ludwig stared right back at him, for a long while, and his brow crinkled for just a moment, lips pursed and looking so fraught.
And then, a deep whisper.
"I love you. But I can't— I'm so sorry. There's something wrong with me. I think that I love Feliciano, until I see you. And then I just want to run away with you and never be seen again. I know it's wrong, so I go back to him. I look at him, and try to see you there in his face. Little things. I love him so much, but it's different. He's my best friend. But you... I'm sorry. I don't know what to do."
Lovino reached out, rested his rough palm on Ludwig's face, and whispered, so foolishly, "Don't marry him. Come with me. I'll take you wherever you want to go. You want to run away with me? I'll take you, I will. We can go. If you just can't tell him, if you wanna run away, then I'll go."
Ludwig sat up at that, twisted at the waist and staring at Lovino in what looked like alarm. Lovino sat up with him, reaching out to quickly snatch his hand in case Ludwig tried to flee.
Lovino pressed their foreheads together, his other hand flying up to grab the back of Ludwig's neck.
"Just tell him. That's all. Just tell him, and we don't have to worry about it anymore. Let me tell him, if nothing else. I can't stand it. You don't owe him anything like you think you do. Just leave him. You're afraid to hurt him—don't you think it's gonna hurt him a hell of a lot more to find out you married him just because you were too afraid to say no? Huh? Just tell him."
Ludwig closed his eyes and pushed into Lovino's forehead, brow crinkled and looking rather devastated, and he whispered, lowly, "I'm trying. I really am. I just— Every time I try to say it, I choke. He looks so happy, and I feel like the worst person alive."
Ludwig was the farthest thing from.
Sometimes being too nice only led to the hurt that it strove to avoid. Ludwig wasn't a bad guy. Just a normal man that had handled things badly. If anyone here was a bad person, then it was Lovino, for being less than sympathetic to Feliciano's feelings.
All Lovino could really do was wait.
Every day that passed, Lovino glanced at his phone, hoping he would one day get that text, that call, that message.
'I did it.'
Not yet.
Ludwig hadn't yet gathered the courage, but Lovino held out hope. And if Ludwig could just never do it, could never bring himself to break Feliciano's heart, then Lovino would just take the reigns and do it himself, with or without Ludwig's consent. Wouldn't let Ludwig passively walk up to that altar with a man he wasn't in love with. Would never let it go that far.
Until then, Lovino lived in night, fingers intertwined with Ludwig's as Ludwig lit up silver in the moonlight.
The only time he ever felt happy.