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Chapter 32
"How many more do we intend to gather to us?" Kreia asked Meetra after sensing she has entered the crew quarters. The Exile was leaning against the door frame, watching the old woman, carefully. "This ship is not the Galaxy - there is only so much room," she scolded her.
"It's my decision who I want onboard," Meetra countered. "And right now, I'm not sure if I want to see you here," she added after a moment of hesitation. She knew that she had to confront Kreia about what she had learned from Sion. The old woman stood up after hearing her words. She didn't respond in any way, waiting for Meetra to explain what she meant. "You know I've faced that walking corpse in the Academy," she said, earning a nod of confirmation from her. "You knew him already on Peragus. Then, on Korriban, he said he knew you, but it was more than that," she added quickly, crossing her hands on her chest. "He said that he knew you as an apprentice knows their master. And earlier, I've seen you in one of the tombs. You've said there yourself that you have fallen to the Dark Side," she explained, recalling Sion's words and her vision. "Is it true?" she asked immediately. "Are you a Sith?"
"Does it matter?" Kreia replied with a nonchalant question, seemingly ignoring the accusation that could have been heard in Meetra's voice. "Of course it does," she answered herself immediately. "Such titles allow you to break the Galaxy into light and dark, categorize it. Perhaps I am neither," she said calmly. "And I hold both for what they are – pieces of a whole. Know that I am your teacher, and that is enough," she scolded Meetra.
"No, it's not enough," the Exile countered immediately, igniting one of the blue lightsabers. She pointed the blade in Kreia's direction. "If we're going to continue traveling together, there must be no secrets between us," she said, marveling at the humming of the Jedi weapon. She missed that sound.
"What do you wish to know?" Kreia asked her, ignoring the lightsaber that was pointed at her. The blade rested only a dozen or so centimeters away from her, allowing her to feel its heat. "That I once believed in the Code of the Jedi? That I felt the Code of the Sith? That perhaps once I held the Galaxy by its throat? That for every good work that I did, I brought equal harm upon the Galaxy?" she continued to speak. Her voice was rising slowly. "That perhaps what the greatest of the Sith Lords knew of the evil they've learned from me?!" she asked, practically shouting the last sentence. Meetra refused to be intimidated by her words. "What would it matter now?" Kreia asked, once again speaking calmly. "There is only so much comfort in knowing such things, and it is not who I am now."
"You know all about my past," Meetra countered, refusing to be dismissed in such a way. "It's only fitting I know yours," she added, reasoning with Kreia. She received silence for an answer.
"Perhaps we will discuss more," Kreia sighed, agreeing with her. "There are dark places in the Galaxy," she started speaking, lowering her hood. For the first time after they've met, Meetra saw her face. She watched in shock as her face began changing. It was slowly becoming paler and paler, and a scar appeared on her left cheek. It was similar to one of the many scars that Sion had. Her eyes have changed their color from white to black. "Where few tread," she continued speaking. "Ancient centers of learning, of knowledge. But I did not walk alone," she added quickly, and Meetra noticed pain in those pitch-black eyes. "To be united by hatred is a fragile alliance at best," she said, chuckling humorlessly. "My will was not law. There were disagreements, ambitions, and hunger for power. There are techniques within the Force against which there is no defense. I was cast down," she said after a moment of silence. The same pain could have been heard in her voice. "Stripped from my power… exiled. I suffered… indignities," she added after choosing her words carefully. "And fell into darkness," she finished, and her appearance began changing back into its original form. Meetra sighed quietly with relief. That alter-look of Kreia was… disturbing, to say the least. She turned off her lightsaber and attached the hilt back to her belt.
"Learn from me," Kreia said, putting her hood back on her head. "My mistakes. And use that knowledge to become greater than I," she practically begged Meetra. "That is all I ask of you, and that is all I desire. In you, all my hopes rest – for the future, for the Force."
"So you are a Sith," Meetra commented, watching her, carefully. Kreia huffed at that.
"No," she disagreed. "I used to be, that is correct, as I used to be a Jedi. But both paths have failed me, and I refuse to be categorized so easily. I am both… and at the same time, I am neither. Besides, if not being a Jedi would mean that one is a Sith, then you should be called like that," she added, looking at Meetra with her unseeing eyes.
"I am not a Sith," the younger woman countered immediately, surprised that Kreia would even suggest such a thing.
"Are you so certain?" Kreia asked. "You're carrying a lightsaber again, and you command the Force. Yet you have been exiled from the Order; the Council has stripped the title of a Jedi from you. And what remained? If you decide to call me a Sith, so be it. But be consequential in your judgment and realize that then you would be a Sith as well."
"The difference is I have never fallen to the Dark Side," Meetra countered, crossing her arms on her chest.
"Perhaps," Kreia agreed. "But maybe you fell without realizing it?" She suggested, earning a questioning look from Meetra. "You're carrying with you an echo of all of those who died by your hand in the Mandalorian Wars," she explained. "With one single command, you've killed more Jedi than I ever had in my entire life," she said, causing Meetra to look down in shame at her feet.
"It was a necessity," she attempted to justify herself. "I did what was necessary to end the Mandalorian threat."
"But you knew that the Jedi casualties didn't have to be so high, didn't you?" she asked rhetorically, knowing the answer to that question. "You knew that the Mandalorians weren't the only target at Malachor V. And on Dxun, where you've lost ten soldiers for every Mandalorian killed."
"You weren't there," Meetra said immediately, feeling her anger rising. "You can't judge me for what I've done during the war. The Galaxy would have fallen if we didn't aid the Republic. And it certainly isn't the same thing as falling to the Dark Side."
"Perhaps not," Kreia agreed. "But I hope you've understood what I was trying to say. Don't see the Galaxy only in black and white because it's not how it is. Don't categorize anyone into light or dark because no one can be described so easily.
Meetra wasn't able to find the words with which she could reply. She saw the reason in what Kreia has said, and it was impossible to discuss with it. She bit her lower lip, wondering how to reply.
"I see you're carrying a lightsaber again," Kreia spoke again, breaking the silence. "But it is a Jedi weapon, isn't it? Or a Sith…" she added hesitantly. "And which one do you think you are?" she asked her, waiting patiently for an answer.
"I don't know," Meetra admitted after a moment of thinking. "I'm not a Jedi anymore, but I'm not a Sith as well. Perhaps I am… neither," she realized, causing Kreia to smile slightly. "At least for now," she added, looking at her.
"Then you are learning," Kreia commented, still smiling. "Excuse me, but I need to rest," she said, correcting her robe. "Korriban has… affected me. And the old scars take long to heal," she explained, referring to what she had told Meetra about her past. "I think you should use this time to speak to our newest passenger. It would be wise to know who came to your rescue," she told her, reminding Meetra about the purple Twi'lek. She nodded her head and turned around, leaving the crew quarters.
She searched the Ebon Hawk, attempting to locate the person who aided them in the Academy on Korriban. She has found her on the far end of the ship in a meditating position. Her double-bladed lightsaber was resting on her thighs, and her eyes remained closed. Meetra watched her for a few seconds, examining the way her body moved with each breath.
"I sense you have many questions," the purple Twi'lek spoke, breaking the silence. She opened her eyes that were the same shade as her lekku. Meetra found it intriguing, seeing such deep violet for the first time in her life. The Twi'lek stood up from her knees, facing the Exile. She clipped her lightsaber back to her belt. "I'm sure I owe you some explanations," she added with a smile.
"I'm sure I wanted to thank you for saving our lives," Meetra started talking, finding the Twi'lek's calm voice extremely soothing. It was that type of voice that caused the listener to marvel at the beauty of it. It was feminine, but, at the same time, strong. "But I'd like to do it knowing whom I owe this unexpected rescue," she added. The Twi'lek immediately realized what she meant.
"I'm Channa Mae," she introduced herself, reaching out with her right hand. Meetra accepted it, shaking it once.
"It's a pleasure to meet you," Meetra replied with a small smile.
"The pleasure is mine, General," Channa countered, returning the smile. She earned herself a surprised look from Meetra, followed closely by a raised eyebrow. "Sorry, the force of habit," she apologized, chuckling slightly. "I just remember you from the Mandalorian Wars," she explained. "Though I'm sure we've never met in person."
"The war has ended over eight years ago," Meetra said. "I'm not the General anymore," she added. She knew that Bao-Dur was too stubborn to stop calling her that, but she didn't want others to use that title as well.
"Then what should I call you?" Channa asked politely. "I doubt that you would like to be referred to as 'the Exile'," she guessed, trying to be as gentle with her words as possible. Meetra appreciated it,
"No," she confirmed. "You can call me Meetra," she said.
"Very well then," the Twi'lek replied. "What would you wish to know, Meetra?" she asked.
"You could start by telling me how you have found us," she suggested. "I didn't think that so many Jedi would be willing to come to Korriban."
"I just followed you," Channa replied simply. "I've sensed you back on Telos," she revealed to her, once again earning a surprised look from Meetra. "I've left after the Mandalorian Wars. I was tired of fighting and killing and wanted to help others instead. So I traveled to Telos and tried to forget about my past as a Jedi. But then, the war came even there. I was lucky to survive the bombardment and helped to rebuild the planet as much as I could. But I couldn't help feeling guilty for what I have done… for my cowardice."
"What do you mean?"
"I sat idly by when the Jedi were being massacred or captured by the Sith," she replied shamefully. "I kept convincing myself that it wasn't my fault, but it was not enough. I hoped that by aiding the people on Telos, I would find peace, but it didn't come to me. Then, I've felt the destruction of Peragus and your arrival. I tried to ignore it; I was attempting to deafen myself to the Force and everything that it was carrying with itself, but I failed at that. I sensed that you had a great destiny in front of yourself, and I couldn't allow myself to just watch again from a distance. I wanted to correct my past mistakes, and I felt that you could be the one to give me a possibility to do that," she finished, smiling at her again. Meetra returned the smile.
"Then I welcome you on board," Meetra replied, still smiling widely. Channa thanked her with a nod of her head. "You said that you used to serve in the Mandalorian Wars?"
"That is correct," Channa confirmed.
"I don't recall seeing you," Meetra replied.
"As I've said, we haven't been introduced to each other," Channa explained. "I wasn't anyone special, to be honest, just another ordinary Jedi," she said, chuckling slightly. "Besides, I used to serve under Revan, so it's natural that we haven't seen each other."
"When did you leave?" Meetra asked, looking at her.
"Right after Malachor," Channa replied, not taking long to form a response. "You weren't the only one affected by that battle," she informed her. "But I decided not to return to Coruscant. After experiencing everything that took place during the Mandalorian Wars, I didn't want to be a Jedi anymore. I wanted to bury the past and become someone new."
"I see," Meetra replied. Before she could say anything else, Lonna approached her from behind, placing a hand on her shoulder. It startled the Exile, and she let out a small scream. She quickly covered her mouth, turning red from embarrassment. Lonna chuckled after seeing her reaction.
"I didn't mean to startle you," she apologized, looking at her with a smile on her face. "I just wanted to let you know that Atton is all right… and he woke up," she added, observing as Meetra's expression turned from shock to bewilderment and then to joy. The former Jedi Master's smile widened even more.
"Can I see him?" she asked hopefully. Lonna nodded in response. "Excuse me," Meetra said, turning her head towards Channa before sprinting towards the medical bay. She didn't notice the purple Twi'lek smiling at her in response. The former Jedi Master followed her closely.
Meetra made sure to check her hair before entering the small room where Atton was. She needed a shower, and she scolded herself for not taking one. She laughed at her own behavior, reminding herself in her mind not to act like some teenage girl. Be yourself, she repeated in her thoughts. Taking in a calming breath, Meetra opened the doors of the medical bay.
Atton was lying on the bed, shirtless. His midsection was wrapped up with bandages that were soaked up with kolto. He still had a breathing mask on his face that was pumping oxygen into his body. His hair was a complete mess and was spread out on a pillow behind his head. His eyes were partially opened, but he has forced himself to lift his eyelids fully after seeing Lonna and Meetra entering the room. He tried to get himself into a sitting position, though he failed miserably at that.
"Don't try to get up. You need to rest," Lonna told him immediately, approaching his bed. Meetra was hesitant to enter the room and settled for standing at the entrance, leaning against the door frame. She smiled approvingly after seeing that Atton gave up with his attempts at lifting himself and allowed the other woman to take care of him. She injected something into his veins and removed the breathing mask from his face.
"The morphine should be neutralized in a few minutes," Lonna informed him. "And I made sure to heal your windpipe, so you don't need this anymore," she added, gesturing at the mask that she was holding. Atton nodded at her gratefully. He blinked a few times, trying to get rid of sleepiness. "And I think that once the morphine is neutralized, you will be able to walk freely again. But I suggest you keep those bandages on yourself for a few hours at least," she said with a smile. Atton attempted to return it, though it came out more like a grimace. Lonna chuckled slightly at that. She turned around and headed towards the exit of the room where Meetra was standing. She was still leaning against the door frame, watching the patient. "I'll leave the two of you alone," she said to her and walked past her, leaving the medical bay. When she saw that the Exile didn't make a single move, she pushed her inside the room, closing the door behind her. Meetra yelped in surprise at that, once again turning red from embarrassment. She heard Atton chuckling slightly at that, though his voice was hoarse.
"Those Jedi, eh?" he asked, attempting to break the initial awkwardness that started making its way into the room. Meetra laughed slightly at that, shaking her head.
"How do you feel?" she asked him, coming a little closer to him.
"As if I've spent too much time at the Pazaak table in a cantina," Atton replied immediately, earning another laughter from Meetra. He chuckled as well. "No, don't come closer," he said after seeing that the Exile was still approaching him.
"Why?" she asked, confused.
"Because I stink," he explained. After hearing his words, Meetra began laughing uncontrollably. She shook her head again. "What?" he asked her after she calmed down a little.
"You were close to death and what you care about right now is how you smell?" she asked, amused. She shook her head again, ignoring Atton's warning.
"Well, kolto stink like shit," the man answered. Meetra chuckled again.
"Don't worry, I need a shower as well," she countered, sitting on the edge of the bed. "So I don't really feel the odor of kolto."
Atton seemed to accept her answer because he wasn't trying to stop her anymore. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply, allowing his head to sink further into the pillow. Meetra was watching him for a while, listening to his steady breathing before she decided to speak again.
"I don't know if you are extremely brave or extremely stupid," she said, chuckling slightly while observing his reaction. Atton lifted one of his eyebrows, clearly not understanding what she meant. "Charging at the Sith Lord with your bare hands?" she explained. "Who does that?" she asked him, not actually expecting to receive an answer. Atton attempted to shrug his shoulders.
"I don't know," he replied honestly.
"You saved my life," she said seriously. The smile was slowly vanishing from her lips. "Thank you."
"Hey, don't mention that," Atton replied immediately. "You don't want history to remember you as a Jedi who was saved by a bounty hunter, do you?" he asked, making her laugh again. She shook her head in denial.
"No, I don't," she confirmed. "But perhaps the history should remember you as the bounty hunter who saved a Jedi?" she suggested, smiling again. Atton's lips curled up as well after hearing her words.
"Yeah, that would be good," he replied. "Atton the savior," he said, more to himself. "Sounds good," he commented, earning yet another chuckled from Meetra. "Have you managed to kill that walking corpse?" he asked, changing the topic.
"No," Meetra admitted. "Last time I checked, he seemed to be too angry to just die."
"Son of a bitch," he whispered. "Where are we anyway?"
"In the hyperspace," Meetra informed him. "Bao-Dur has taken us away from Korriban. We were able to make it in the last second possible, trust me."
"I hope he won't damage this ship while I'm stuck in here," Atton commented. "I've got used to this flying piece of junk, you know?"
"Don't worry, Bao-Dur knows what he's doing," she comforted him. "He's a great pilot."
"Better than me?" he asked teasingly.
"Maybe," Meetra replied, also adding a teasing tone to her voice. "I don't recall him crashing the ship when I was in it," she added.
"Ouch," Atton commented, sighing deeply. The Exile chuckled slightly. "That hurt."
"Don't be a wuss," she countered, punching him lightly at the shoulder.
"Wuss?" he asked, not believing what he heard. "Would a wuss charge at the walking corpse like I did?! I don't think so, sweetheart."
"Relax, I'm just joking," Meetra countered, laughing slightly. She leaned forward a little. "You're not a wuss, Atton," she said, attempting to calm herself down. "You're a hero," she added seriously, looking him in the eyes.
"Well, that's the first time someone has ever called me that," Atton replied, returning her gaze. Meetra slowly brought her hand up to his, entangling their fingers. She gripped him slightly, and he returned the gesture.
"You are a hero, Atton," Meetra repeated, leaning closer to him. "And you've saved my life. Thank you," she whispered before connecting her lips to his.
Before leaving the medical bay, Meetra helped Atton to get dressed, putting on him his shirt and then the vest. She made sure to check if the bandages were covering the wound that was cicatrizing. She helped him to get to the Ebon Hawk's cockpit and placed him in the pilot's seat before sitting on the empty chair of copilot. Meetra smiled at him once again, sensing his gaze on herself. He returned the smile before focusing his attention on the ship's controls. The two of them directed the Ebon Hawk towards their next destination.
Yes, I know that all-dialogue chapters are boring, but it had to be done. And I have to admit, writing those little scenes between Meetra and Atton is… satisfying XD. Please forgive me for boring you with all those dialogues and write a review.
