*Update*

Hey there, Billy Scranner here. Nothing big happened, I was just doing other things. I have been thinking about Mario Golf, though, and I've been contemplating how best to continue it. I've got the story down, but the problem has been deciding on a medium to tell it through; if you haven't noticed, just straight writing can be a little awkward for me sometimes. I have an idea for a Mario Golf related project that might pop up in the future. Until then, know that I'm here. Also, here's a snippet from one of the countless drafts of chapter 24. No idea what it'd be called, uhhhh, something like Dr. Mario and the Goofy Goobers. Who cares.

Noise.

War.

Screaming.

Fire.

The barren wastes of Tallon IV were a noisy place. The sounds of gunfire and machinery occupied Tallon's airspace anywhere you went. Space Pirate desperados littered the atmosphere with clicks and grunts and beeps and bops. Even when they died - which happened quite frequently, to be fair - the noise didn't end. When a creature enters its death throes, its mind becomes frantic, trying to grasp onto the fleeting remainder of its existence. This internal anguish grows loud enough that a fine listener can hear their mind scream. So with the fine coat of bloodshed painted across Tallon IV, one could imagine how loud it could get.

Yet deep down beneath the planet's crust, there was a treasure to be found. If you could make your way past the cutthroats up above, and then deep down through a weaving net of Phazon, you'd find something quite special; quiet. All encompassing, all consuming quiet. You might've picked up on a faint hum coming from the Red Phazon lurking below, but otherwise, you'd find yourself resting cozy in a rare moment of blissful utter silence.

And then fucking Dr. Mario and Toon Link come barging in and it all goes to shit.

"Wowee, Doc!" Toon Link declared, "It's so red in here! Hella atmospheric, dawg!"

"Yep," said Doc, "Just like every other-a cavern we've been in for the past couple hours. So atmospheric."

Toon looked around at the scene in awe. The floor crackled with unstable Phazon. The walls were dry, orange, and brittle; much like a LAY'S Sweet Southern Heat BBQ Flavored Potato Chip. Toon gave the ground a pat to see if it'd explode, and when he saw that it didn't, he sat down on the floor.

"You think they got hair brushes on this planet?" Toon said, running his fingers through his hair, "I need a shower bad."

"That makes two of us. I've-a been in a skintight suit all day."

"Damn, that's, like, your whole life. Isn't that crazy?"

"Yeah, you didn't have to remind me."

Dr. Mario sat down opposite Toon, plucking and pulling on his suit. Having it pointed out made him realize how sweaty he was under there. God knows what it smelt like.

"Would it be distasteful," Toon said, "if I asked you something about your memories? Your, uh…old life?"

"No, sure."

"Didja always wear that red sweater? Did you have multiple sets with the overalls?"

"Oh, no, I-a have other clothes."

"Like what?"

"Like what? You think I remember everything in-a my closet? I dunno, shirts, pants. Che cazzo."

Dr. Mario scratched his stache thoughtfully. Suddenly, his brow jumped, and he snickered softly to Toon's surprise.

"Ah, well, I do have this one-a suit from a while ago, it, uh…eh, well, it's…it's-a not important."

"Hey, wasting time talking about shit that isn't important is what we do here. What's the story?"

Dr. Mario hesitated for a bit, but it didn't take much of Toon Link's enthusiastic gesturing for the doctor to crack.

"Alright, well…there was this one time when-a me and my brother were kids. He was-a just learning how to drive a moped, but this con artist flung himself in front of the bike, and then acted like he broke a rib. Luigi, he was only 14, he didn't know any better. So then-a Luigi comes home, he's-a shaking like a wet puppy because he owes some guy more money than he could count. But I had an idea. See, Luigi and I are the same age, but I've always looked a little older. My-a moustacio had already grown in. So I threw on this pinstripe-a suit our papa had in the closet - and because he's-a so tiny, it actually fit me-a perfectly - and then I went to go find this cheap son of a bitch and I told him this."

Dr. Mario puffed up his chest, giving Toon a good chuckle.

"'Hey, cazzo, I-a heard you've been-a messing with my nephew. You think you can-a screw with the nephew of Don Paolo without catching any heat? That was my moped he was-a driving, and you left a nasty dent in it! If you don't back off of my territory, I'll leave a nasty dent in you!' And the guy bought it and ran off! Luigi and I, we-a laugh about it all the time. And I took that suit with me when we moved. Or, at least, I-a thought I did. But the whole time, I was just floating around in that room. I never wore that suit."

Dr. Mario sighed, deflating like a popped balloon or a collapsed lung - the latter of which he probably had. Toon put a hand on the doctor's knee.

"Hey, dude. I don't know what it's like to find out 99% of your life was fake, but I think the past 1% has been alright too. I don't know what that's worth, but…"

Toon tried to continue, but in this moment, his tongue was a pen whose ink just ran dry. He pulled his hand back and continued to fiddle with his hair.

"But I don't know. I just don't know, dude."

"That makes two of us."

So the two of them sat there for a bit, not doing much of anything. Silence returned to the underground of Tallon IV. Of course, certain sounds only get louder within silence. The eerie buzzing of the Phazon down below. The scritch-scratching of dead, ashen hair. The voices Toon had been hearing in the back of his head for a few minutes now but hadn't thought too much about until now.

"Hey, do you hear that?" Toon asked, looking around the cavern. So far, it was still just Toon and Doc down there.

"Hear what?" the doctor asked.

"I can hear someone talking. Sounds like a few people, actually"

Dr. Mario paused to listen, but heard no such thing.

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yeah, 100 percent. 90. Okay, 70, minimum. I think…I think one of them is Wolf O'Donnell."

Dr. Mario slumped over slightly, considering the possibility that his only companion was losing his grip on reality.

"Shouldn't-a Wolf be on the other side of the planet? How would you even be able to hear him?"

"Maybe it has to do with the Phazon. This is the first time it's been this quiet since I got hit with that Phazon, I think maybe I'm starting to hear things through it. You know, kinda like mushrooms."

"Like mushrooms?"

"Yeah, mushrooms are just the fruit of the fungus; most of it is actually mycelium, this thread shit that spreads out in an underground web and connects a bunch of trees in the forest. The trees can share nutrients with each other, but more importantly, they can also send information. There's usually a master tree with the most mycelium, and sick trees can send distress signals to the master tree, and the master tree will send nutrients their way. It's like the internet, but with shrooms."

"How do you know any of that? Have you even-a seen a mushroom before?"

"No, I just overheard a dude say that verbatim. He's still talking about it actually. Bro's a real fungal freak."

"Alright, well, if you're-a gonna try to 'listen' to people, maybe don't focus on the mushroom man. What's Wolf saying?"

"Uh, I dunno, it's kinda hard to hear. Maybe I need better reception. Pick me up, bro."

Dr. Mario grabbed Toon like a ratchet little purse dog and hoisted him into the air, nearly bonking his squishy little boy head on the dank cave ceiling. He looked around the cavern, sickly eyes rolling around in his head, and his neon pupils began to pulse like a submarine radar.

"Ooh, hey, I think I got him. Sounds like he's whispering now. Something like…'Argh, I hear that short fry now. Rig that TNT. We'll blow a hole in this wall and pin 'em down in three, two…' Hey, wait a minute-"

At that exact moment, Wolf and like 20 other dudes burst through the wall. Toon and the doctor both fell to the ground. The canine killer charged through dust and debris, grabbing Dr. Mario by the neck and yanked him to his feet.

"Hey, let him go!" Toon shouted as he reached for his beam sword. Wolf, with his free hand, drew his blaster and aimed it at Toon Link.

"He's gonna be fine. It's not his life you oughta be concerned for, short fry."

Toon looked around the room, sizing up the situation, before pulling his hand away from his weapon. Wolf put the doctor back on his feet, though the merc's steel tipped claws never drifted too far from the doctor's throat.

"Woah, hey, hey. I think we can work this out."

"We literally can't."

"Like, we physically cannot?"

"Well, no, I just don't wanna."

Toon fell silent as the conversation face planted into this impasse. With as much subtlety as he could muster, Toon concealed his mouth with a hand and whispered at the doctor.

"Doc, how do we con this dumbfuck? Don't let him hear you."

"I can hear you."

"How did you-a find us?" Dr. Mario inquired, quivering in his greasy little shoes. Does Dr. Mario wear shoes? I should be writing this stuff down somewhere.

"I planted a tracker on that little wiener back on the Orpheon."

Toon gave himself a thorough pat down, eventually plucking the pinto bean sized tracker from his head.

"What!? Why did you put this tracker on me!?"

"...Are you listening? I needed to find you two."

"Yeah, I know, but what's the tracker for? And how did you find us?"

"Do you think? Does your brain work? Do you tie your own shoes?"

"Nope! These bad boys don't got no laces." Toon threw the tracker towards Dr. Mario and began to whisper again. "Quick, Doc, chuck this thing at the bug boys. Maybe it'll explode."

Wolf intercepted the throw, catching the tracker between two fingers and crushing it into dust.

"I can still hear you."

"Wolf, buddy, let's think about it like this, right? Something deep inside of you is keeping you from killing Doc. Can't you just extend that kindness a little bit so that I fall under its umbrella?"

"I'm not gonna kill the Mario clone because Ridley wants him alive."

"Well there's gotta be someone who wants me alive, right?"

"I find that highly unlikely."

"Yeah, well...I wouldn't...you see…"

Toon fiddled with his ashen locks as he contemplated his next move. Very slowly, he leaned over and whispered to the doctor.

"Doc, do you think it's at all possible to convince him we're Space Pirates?"

"I can fucking hear you! Listen kid, because I'm feeling ever so merciful, I'm gonna give you five more words to try and convince me not to shoot you dead."

"Alright, just hear me out-"

Wolf then proceeded to shoot a hole through Toon's chest, killing him instantly. Toon hit the ground with a thud as electric blue blood oozed onto the floor.

"Toon!" Dr. Mario exclaimed. He almost leapt forward to aid his friend, but Wolf held him back with a blaster barrel to his forehead.

"Am I gonna need this?" Wolf sneered, "You seem like the brains of your former group, I'm sure you understand your odds here."

The doctor froze. He wanted desperately to reach out and aid his friend - assuming it wasn't too late already - but he knew quite well that even ten of him couldn't beat one Wolf. He had to at least be alive to help out Toon, meaning Dr. Mario had to get past Wolf without fighting his way through. The cave didn't leave much wiggle room, though, so he'd have to go along with his captors until there was sufficient space to escape. So, with his head hung low, Dr. Mario held his hands up and surrendered himself to the Space Pirates. Wolf returned his blaster to his holster.

"That's more like it. Get a move on, Giuseppe. We've got places to be."