Chapter 13: The eye opening one.
They had decorated the playroom with confetti that was permanently suspended over their heads, floating like clouds of golden dust. Every few seconds a serpentine would magically pop out creating a zig zag effect that mimicked shooting stars above their heads.
James scanned the room. Sirius was twirling with a giggling Marlene while Remus was swaying energetically with Peter from side to side, shouting along the lyrics of the music. He turned towards Lily ready to mock their friends, however, she stood frozen looking at a fixed point in the back of the room. He followed her line of sight until he spotted what had stunned her. There was Christopher. He was dancing with Olivia, a perky Ravenclaw that James himself had had a fling with a few months ago. They were slow dancing, hugged together, although the song playing, as reflected by Marlene's' quick spinning indicated, was far from slow paced. Christopher had his head tucked in Olivia's neck, and although he couldn't be sure if Christopher was kissing her, he surely was not far from it.
James felt anger rise inside him, like a beast of its own mind that made him tense his jaw and clench his fists. He had half made his mind to go and punch him there and then when a broken exhale next to him drew his attention.
Suddenly all the rage drained away substituted by a more calculated cold wave of emotions that quickly transformed to worry and concern for the girl standing next to him.
Lily had entered the room marvelled at the success of their decoration and the cheery atmosphere of all her friends and classmates dancing enthusiastically to the catchy tune. She looked around, a wide smile spreading on her face, but before it could reach her eyes, she saw him. His hand on the small of her back, his mouth on her neck. Their movement slow. She felt the colour abandon her face, a cold wave raising from her stomach, forming a knot on her throat. What? No. Why? No, no. Her jumbled thoughts racing almost at the same speed as tears formed in the corners of her eyes. James's words, spoken just mere moments ago somehow came back to her Do you think your friendship is worth so little? Marlene's words followed James'He seemed to not really care about what had happened between the two of you…I wouldn't want to be with someone who made me feel so insecure… Lily frowned. How had she been so blind as to not see it until now. Really? No, no…this cannot be happening. He cares for me. Right? No. no, no, no. Don't cry. Don't, DON'T! She took a deep breath and slowly let it out, trying to push down the pain and calm the slight shaking of her chin.
"Lily" James whispered her name. She turned towards him. His face was ridden with concern. His jaw clenched. He had seen it. "No." was all she managed to say without her voice breaking.
"Would you liked to get some fresh air?" she gave the slightest shake of her head. James hesitated. He would gladly beat Christopher to a pulp. But if there was something he knew about Lily Evans was that she did not appreciate anyone fighting her battles for her. And this was her battle. Not his. He repressed his instinct to offer help and instead asked "Would you like to confront him now?"
She looked at him. Really looked at him. Then she smiled. "Nah," she said as if he had asked if she would like another shrimp cocktail. "Perhaps later. I am not sure if he is worth my time to be honest." Her chin gave a small shake.
James simply nodded. A moment passed, and Lily didn't say anything else. She just looked at the rest of the party dancing, lost in her thoughts. He didn't know what to say, or if there was anything he could or should say on the matter. He didn't want to force his opinions on her or make her more upset. Trying to make small talk also seemed wildly inappropriate. So, he did the only thing he could think of, although he had to take three breaths to gather the courage to do so.
"Lily" he said, making her come back from her thoughts and look at him "Would you uhm…" he stumbled, colour rising up his neck "May I have this dance?"
She stared at him struggling to comprehend. Her head still semi-lost in thoughts. Her nose wrinkled slightly, then she saw his hand. Palm opened in front of her. An invitation. To what? - her fuzzy brain asked. She didn't care. She took it. Slowly, but deliberately. Then she looked at him again. He looked worried and uncertain. Why was he blushing?
He took her hand gently, but firmly. The music had changed to a much slower song now, and couples were swaying slowly together on the improvised dancefloor. He was glad for that. Lily seemed too out of it for anything that was not switching her weight from one foot to the other. He gave a slight pull to her hand, and she let herself be taken to the centre of the dancefloor. James bit his lip. He wasn't sure if this was a good idea. No matter what he had said to Sirius, dancing with Lily had always been a fantasy for him. She was a fantasy. He had to stay focused. Not let this feed into that fantasy of his, for it was only that. A fantasy. He was dancing with her because she needed a distraction right now and there was nothing else he could think of. This was not his fantasy. Lily would never have agreed to dance with him in normal circumstances. He had to remember that.
He stopped in the middle of the dancefloor and slowly turned towards her. Tentatively, he switched the hold of her hand, and put his other hand on her waist, barely touching her. He looked at her face. She looked spacey. Her eyes watery, but not crying. He gave a small squeeze to her hand and held her more firmly at the waist. He started guiding her with the music. Turning slowly, barely moving his feet. She looked up at him as if just realising that they were dancing.
Lily felt numb, empty. Then she felt a small squeeze on her hand, a reassuring pressure on her waist. She looked up at James. She could see the concern and uncertainty in his face. He had looked at her like that once before. He had held her then. It had made it better, less empty, not less painful, but more bearable. She looked at him and could feel her chin start to shake, water pooling in her eyes. No, she thought I cannot cry. Not now.
James saw the water in her eyes. No. He thought. Then he acted by instinct, throwing all his caution away. Nothing mattered. Not what would others say. Not what his fantasy brain would twist out of this later. Only her. Only Lily.
He let go of her waist and her hand and hugged her tightly against his chest. She did not resist this time. She didn't pull away as he half expected her to do. She just stayed there. He could feel her chin shaking on his chest, and tears running down her cheeks, soaking into his robes. He held her tighter, his hand going up and down her back. He continued moving with the rhythm of the music. Switching his weight from one foot to another. At some point he felt her hands wrap around his waist. He tensed and his swaying stopped for a split second. He took a deep breath before continuing moving. They didn't stop when the song finished and a new one begun.
James was still holding Lily when it started. The lights went off. A deep drumroll began. The floor of the room started to shake with the drums. Surprised voices filled the room with excitement. Lily shuffled, and James let go off her, giving her space to find her surroundings. The drumroll increased and so did the vibrations of the floor. James could feel the vibrations all through his body, speeding up, wanting to reach an end point, a climax. James yanked Lily from the centre of the room a split second before the massive, blinding explosion came. Suddenly the room filled with the gigantic numbers 1977 made out of thousands of tiny explosions. Triumphant music piercing his ears and the confetti that had so diligently floated over them through the hole evening was suddenly affected by the pull of gravity and fell transforming in thousands of golden butterflies as it touched their heads and the spread-out arms of students. Triumphant yells filled the room and suddenly everyone was cheering and hugging. Several students were kissing, among them James spotted Marlene tipped down in a dramatic pose while Sirius devoured her mouth. He smiled. Well done mate.
He looked at Lily. She was looking marvelled at the blazing numbers signifying the new year and the million butterflies fluttering around. She looked at him and smiled. He returned her smile.
From the corner of his eye he could see an excited Emmeline hurrying towards them. "Emmeline is coming" He said quickly to Lily.
James stepped in front of her and with a dazzling smile in his face lifted Emmeline from the floor swirling her around "Happy New Year!" he shouted excitedly bear hugging her. Lily managed to dry her eyes just in time.
"Lily!" an ecstatic and flustered Emm shouted as soon as James let her down "happy New Year!" They both embraced. Lily followed in suit and imitated Emmeline's excited hopping.
Lily let the heavy dress robes fall to the floor and slipped under the sheets of her soft bed. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.
After Emm, an avalanche of people had suddenly come, everyone hugging, everyone repeating over and over "Happy New Year" and moving on. The adults had come to their party a few minutes later and she had used that as an excuse to slip through and go up to her room. Hopefully no one would notice she was gone.
She was so tired, emotionally drained. She waited for the tears to come again. Now she could let them. But somehow, they did not. Perhaps she was too tired to cry or think or process. She could feel herself drifting, falling asleep. Before her last bit of consciousness abandoned to the land of sleep, she remembered James's hold. That stabilised her and gave her peace somehow. Then, she was asleep.
Short and sweet 3 I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I did writing and re-writing it!