Chapter 71
Meredith's head was in a fog as she moved through her rounds. She hadn't gotten more than four or five hours sleep in the last week. Every time she would try to get some sleep she would have horrible visions of Patricia. She was always there tormenting her, as though her ghost were trying to drive Meredith mad. The Order had done everything they could think of to help. Molly had tried every sleeping draught she knew, Dora and Sirius were taking turns sitting by her bed while she slept. Andromeda had even stayed with her at her flat in case a change of sleeping environment would help. Regardless, Meredith would never be asleep more than twenty minutes when Patricia would be there, pointing an accusing finger and cursing Meredith for condemning her to hell. Meredith had pulled every book in Grimmauld's library trying to find something about hauntings and banishing ghosts but nothing she could find was any use. She'd asked Healer Burnbaum if she knew anything about this sort of curse or spell but the Department head was at a loss. Mad Eye, Kingsley, her dad, they all said the same thing. That she was simply feeling guilty and that she needed to get past it. It infuriated her. None of them understood. These were not just nightmares. She'd had nightmares before and it was nothing like this.
"Lupin!" She jumped when she heard Healer Rosenbaum's voice. "Incoming Trauma, Nieman wants you assisting." Meredith nodded. She set the parchments she'd been marking down and headed toward the emergency room. She grabbed a cup of coffee as she walked by the stand and drank it down. She nearly gagged at the bitter taste but it gave her senses the jolt they needed. She'd been relying on that foul beverage to get her through her shifts, though it did nothing for the dark circles under her eyes.
"You all right?" David said to her as they stood at the emergency room entrance waiting for their incoming patient.
"I'm fine," she said.
"You look exhausted," he said. "If you want to sit this one out."
"I said I'm fine!" she snapped. She groaned inwardly. Just great she thought, now she was snapping at her superior, not to mention a good friend. David was staring at her. At that moment she would have thought he was attempting Legilimency on her. He opened his mouth to speak but the noise coming from the hall interrupted.
"Let's deal with this, then you and I are gonna talk." His tone clearly stated that this was not a request. She nodded and they moved to deal with their patient. The man had been badly wounded and was bleeding from the abdomen. Meredith began siphoning the blood trying to locate the wound. The man has been stabbed by something long and very sharp.
"Stab wound," she declared. She couldn't tell what had done this. David was questioning the woman who had come in with the man but Meredith's brain was so foggy she couldn't focus on the wound and hear what the woman was saying.
"Let's get him to surgery," David said. "Meredith we're going to need blood replenishing potion and a cauterizing agent." Meredith nodded. She hurried to the supply cabinet and grabbed several viles of blood replenishing potion. She grabbed the cauterizing agent from the top shelf and hurried to the operating room. David was holding the wound closed with a spell. Meredith handed the viles of blood replenishing potion to Talbert and passed the cauterizing agent to David.
"Hold the wound closed," he told her. She moved into place so David could apply the agent.
"What in Merlin's Beard!" David cursed as he applied the agent and rather than the small spark that happened when such an agent was applied, the patients wound was now on fire! David quickly doused the flame with his wand and grabbed the jar that Meredith had handed him.
"This is the wrong agent!" he yelled. Meredith's heart dropped into her knees. David yelled at the other assistant healer to run, don't walk, and get the correct agent.
"Meredith," David said nudging her away from the patient to start to repair the damage. "Didn't you hear this patient's wife say he was stabbed by a red scorpion." Meredith shook her head. She hadn't heard it. If she had she would have brought a different agent, one with counteractive agents to the venom that was in the man's wound.
"David, I…" she tried to summon some kind of explanation to how she could have made such a terrible mistake.
"Meredith I need you to step away," David said. Meredith's heart was thudding in her ears as she backed away from the table. She slid to the floor and watched helplessly as David and the assistants attempted to fix the damage she had done.
Meredith yanked off her robes and shoved them into her locker. Mr. Jenkins would live, thank Merlin. She'd just spent the last hour in Healer Flanagan's office listening to the man lecture her on how much worse this could have been. David, bless him, had tried to cover for her. He'd told Flanagan it was his fault and that he should have made sure Meredith knew which agent they needed, and that he'd know Meredith was operating at diminished capacity and should have summoned another healer but Flanagan would have none of it. She had been suspended for two weeks without pay. She didn't care about losing her pay. She had plenty of money saved. Worst case scenario was she would have to dip into her trust fund. No the worst of it would be the month of probation after her suspension. She would be at St. Mungoes but she would not be seeing patients. She would be filing, stocking supplies and cleaning bed pans. She tugged on her regular clothes and turned to leave. She found her path blocked by David.
"Move," she said with no real force. "I have to leave, I'm suspended remember."
"Not yet," he said. "I said we were going to talk so we're talking."
"There's nothing to talk about," she snapped. "I screwed up and a patient nearly died."
"I don't care what Flanagan said," David snapped back. "You shouldn't have been in that room. I should have used someone else. I saw how worn out you were, and I should have made you sit out."
"Well, you didn't, and I was, and now I get to make amends." She tried to push past him but David was having none of it.
"Let me go," she said.
"No," David said. "Not like this. You're not yourself Meredith. This isn't just burn out. You haven't been yourself since…"
"Patricia," Meredith said. "Her name is…was…Patricia."
"You were more than just friends weren't you."
"We were like sisters," Meredith said. "I told her things I never would tell anyone else. Not even my father. And she betrayed me." She hadn't intended to speak of this to David but the words were spilling out.
"You once spoke of someone you were very close too," David said. "You said she couldn't accept your Dad and that ended your friendship." Meredith nodded.
"We fought. It was a terrible fight, it came to physical blows. Our other friends had to hold us apart to keep us from killing each other. I saw her again a few months back. She'd changed so much. She'd been drinking, I could see it immediately. I didn't want to feel sorry for her, but I couldn't help it. My dad used to say that Patricia's strength was me. Seeing what she'd become without me…"
"You felt guilty," David said thoughtfully. Meredith nodded.
"I didn't want to. I was still so hurt by what she'd done. Our last words in this world were said in anger. The people who killed her, and I don't give a flying flip what the medical examiner's report said, she was murdered, by people who wanted information. Information she thought I had given her." She stopped there, she had already revealed too much. She trusted David but he wasn't in the Order and she couldn't reveal everything about what the Death Eaters had been after.
"I found out that she never gave me up. Even after they tortured her she didn't give me up. I don't know what to do David. This guilt is eating me alive. I can't move past it. I can't even grieve for her properly."
"You're exhausted," David stated. She almost scoffed but the way he said it made her think their was more going on in his mind than stating the obvious.
"I can't sleep," she said. "I try to. She won't let me. Everytime I try to sleep she's there. Tormenting me. She won't let me sleep, won't let me have peace. I've tried everything." David didn't speak. He had taken her hand in his own and was holding it so her palm faced up. It was the hand that still held a faint pink scar.
"I've seen this scar so many times," David said. "I've never asked you how you got it. Patricia, she had the same scar on her hand. I didn't think of it at the time." Meredith stared at him. What did her scar have to do with any of this?
"Meredith," David said sitting next to her on the bench and staring right into her eyes. "How did you get this scar?" Meredith was confused but she didn't argue.
"We made a pact. Blood sisters."
"You mixed your blood," David said his eyes widening.
"We were eleven," Meredith said. David pulled her to her feet.
"Come with me." Meredith didn't protest as her pulled her down the hall to the supply closet. He released her and immediately went to work.
"David what is going on?" He was beginning to worry her.
"You're right when you say Patricia is haunting you," he said grabbing various viles and jars as he spoke. He went on before Meredith could truly feel relieved that someone finally believed her.
"You made a blood oath. That kind of magic is not something that can be dealt with lightly."
"We were kids," Meredith said in her own defense.
"Yes," David said waving off the explanation. "Kids, stupid and ignorant of the consequences of your actions."
"David what…."
"Blood oaths are the most sacred of bonds. They can't be broken without consequences."
"What are you talking about?" Meredith was getting a headache. "Our friendship ended two years ago. I slept fine till now."
"Exactly," David said. "When a blood oath is broken it has to be reformed. As long as both of those who made the oath are still alive there's still a chance to mend what's broken. But if one party dies with the bond still broken…" Meredith felt her stomach knot.
"What am I supposed to do?" she said sinking onto a bench. David paused in his mixing.
"You said that Patricia was interrogated, tortured and then killed and the whole time she refused to tell her attackers what they wanted to know. About you."
"Yes," Meredith said. David leaned over her and cupped her cheek. He lifted her face to look down into her eyes.
"The only way to mend a broken blood bond is forgiveness. From what you've told me about Patricia, it sounds like she forgave you for whatever wrongs she'd felt you'd done to her." Meredith's blood froze.
"My God," she whispered.
"And now you have to do the same," David said turning back to the portion he'd been brewing. Meredith stared at the floor. It was all coming back to her. Patricia's smug look after they'd seen the picture of Remus with his arm around Sirius. The feral look right before she's attacked her.
"I don't know if I can," Meredith whispered. David was giving her a look of pure pity.
"Well, I can't help you with that part," David said. "That's going to be up to you. However, you won't be able to do anything till you get some sleep and that, I can help you with."
"I told you," Meredith said. "I've tried every dreamless sleep potion in the books."
"This isn't a dreamless sleep potion," David said pouring it from the cauldron to a vial. "This is what I like to call the potion of last resort." Meredith stared at the vial. She had a feeling she knew what was in it. She'd only brewed it once in her life. It had been the most complex and difficult potion she'd ever brewed and yet David had mixed it up in a matter of minutes.
"Draught of Living Death," she murmured.
"No," David said taking a piece of parchment and scribbling down some notes. "This is a variation of it. I never use it on patients unless they've become a danger to themselves or others."
"You think I'm a danger to myself," she said weakly.
"Not yet," David said. "But if this isn't dealt with…" Meredith swallowed hard.
"You need to be somewhere others can be with you. You'll need to be kept warm and you'll need immediate follow up care once the effects of the potion wear off." Meredith nodded. She would go to Grimmauld. Sirius could fuss over her all he wanted, heck he would probably be all too happy to have something to do.
"I'm writing down all follow up care instructions," he said. "You promise you'll be where someone can look after you."
"Promise," she said. He handed her the vial and the parchment with instructions on it.
"David," she said. "Will this help? Really."
"It won't fix everything," he said. "But at least it should help you find your balance again."
She entered Grimmauld Place quietly. She didn't want to see anyone, didn't want to have to explain. She could hear voices in the parlor. Dora, Sirius, Molly, her Dad. Her dad was here? She thought he'd be back underground by now. Dumbledore must have other instructions for him. She hurried upstairs to the room Sirius had given her. She couldn't call it her room. It wasn't hers, it was just a loaner. Oh she supposed as Sirius's biological daughter this whole place would legally be hers one day but she didn't want to think about that day. She hated this house. She hated everything about it. She didn't want to come here but David had made her promise that she would go somewhere she wouldn't be alone. She found her room and lit a fire in the fireplace. David had said she'd need to be warm. She didn't have pajamas here but she found a pair of soft loose trousers and a long sleeved t-shirt that wouldn't scratch or irritate her skin. Last were a pair of warm socks for her feet. She sighed. She'd done all David had told her to do to prepare. She should go down and tell someone she was here, but her dad would know. He would have sensed her. Someone would come up soon, to try and talk to her or tell her dinner was ready. She couldn't say anything. They would try to stop her. They wouldn't understand that she needed to do this. She set David's instructions on the table where whoever came up could not miss them. Nothing left to do, she thought. She uncorked the vial. It didn't smell too bad, at least. She took a deep breath and downed the whole vial. She felt the effects immediately. Her body felt weak and she couldn't hold her head up. She felt the dark consume her as she fell back on the bed.
Remus sensed his daughter the minute she entered the house. He had once joked that he was so accustomed to her scent that he could find her in a pitch black room with a hundred people in it. It was so much more that knowing where she was though. He could always sense when she was in distress. These past weeks since Patricia had died had been the worst. She wasn't sleeping, that was obvious. She was convinced that Patricia was haunting her, which couldn't be true. It had to be her guilt over the circumstances. She just couldn't let go of it. He was reluctant to leave her. He'd have to return to the pack sometime, but for now Dumbledore had given him leave to stay close to Grimmauld. If only there was someone else nearby, in the order, who knew Meredith like he did who he could trust with her welfare. Dora and she had been close when they were younger, but Dora couldn't be here all the time with her job. Andromeda, she had been like a second mother to Meredith but Meredith didn't confide in her like she did with him. Leaving her to Sirius was out of the question. Oh, Remus had no doubt that Sirius loved Meredith more than anything but the man's own issues, his own anger at being stuck in this place he had hated as a child kept him from being the person Meredith needed him to be to her. If only Oliver weren't out of the country making a name for himself. If there was anyone he would trust with his daughter's well being it was Oliver and he knew that there was no one Meredith would trust more. He knew they still kept in touch, though Meredith had made no move to involve him in their work. He had thought quite a few times about sending for the young man, but bringing him here would mean bringing him into the Order which would mean putting him in danger. Meredith would never forgive him if something were to happen to Oliver. Hadn't she broken things off with David just to keep him safe and in his heart he knew that she cared for Oliver just as much if not more.
"Supper's ready," Molly called from the kitchen. Remus rose from his chair along with the others.
"Dora," Remus said. "Would you run upstairs and see if Meredith feels like joining us?" Dora gave him a strange look.
"Meredith?" she said. "I didn't even know she was here." Remus nodded with a little smile.
"She came in about twenty minutes ago and went right upstairs," he said.
"Hmm," Dora said. "I didn't hear her. That hearing of yours Remus, it's amazing. You'd have made a damn fine Auror." Remus chuckled.
"I hope she's finally getting some sleep," Sirius said. Remus nodded. He should have told Dora not to wake her if she…
"REMUS!" Remus dropped the bowl he'd been holding and rushed toward the sound of Dora's shout.
"Remus come quickly!" he heard again. He rushed into Meredith's room and felt his heart stop. Meredith was laying on the bed but she was not sleeping. Not a normal sleep. Her skin was too pale. Dora was leaning over her trying to wake her.
"I can't wake her up!" Tonks said shaking Meredith. Remus quickly went to Meredith's side and touched her face. Her skin was cool to touch.
"Meredith," he said firmly taking her face in both hands. "Meredith wake up love. Wake up." She did not respond. Remus's heart was pounding. No, no, no, no he thought. She hadn't. She wouldn't. He felt along her neck trying to find a pulse. He breathed a sigh of relief when it felt it, slow but strong.
"This was in her hand," Dora said holding out a vial.
"Meredith," Sirius breathed coming into the room. "Remus is she…."
"She's alive," Remus said, needing to hear the words himself. "But in a very deep sleep." He took the vial from Tonks and sniffed it. The odor was not familiar.
"Molly," Remus said firmly to the woman who had just come in. "Summon Mad Eye, we need him to identify what this is. And Severus if he can." Molly hurried away to do as ordered.
"Sirius," Remus said, trying to remain calm. "She's cold as ice get that fire stoked up nice and hot. Dora, help me get her under the blankets." It was all they could do as they waited for the experts. Mad Eye arrived first. He was able to refill the vial but all he could say about the contents was that there was no trace of poison. Even Severus was puzzled.
"This is not a potion Miss Lupin learned from me," he said after examining it. "It is a powerful sedative. More powerful than the Draught of Living Death. I've only heard of it being used in hospitals and then only in extreme circumstances."
"So she took it from the hospital," Sirius suggested. Remus seriously hoped that was not the case. Meredith could be terminated for something like that.
"No," Severus said. "They would not keep it in their store room. It would have to have been made specifically for Miss Lupin, and as I have said she did not learn to brew this particular potion in my class."
"Remus look," Dora said handing him a piece of parchment. "It was on the table." Remus stared down at it. It was a list of instructions for what to do when Meredith woke up. The handwriting was unfamiliar but the pieces were coming together. There was only one person who could have made this potion for Meredith.
"I know who did this," he said. He stood up and strode from the room.
"Moony where are you going?" Sirius called after him.
"To talk to the one who made this potion," he said. "The instructions state to keep her warm. Don't leave her unattended for a moment." He strode out the door and to the apparition point. He apparated out and stood in front of St. Mungoes. He walked briskly past the administration desk in search of his prey. He spotted the auburn haired healer.
"David!" he called. David looked up from the parchment he was reading and met his eye. The younger man clearly could tell that Remus was a man on a mission. He tilted his head to the left and Remus followed him. Once they were out of earshot of the rest of the hospital Remus let loose the tight control he'd had on himself.
"You gave her the potion!" he snapped.
"I did," David said without emotion
"We can't wake her up," Remus said through gritted teeth.
"That would be the point."
"Why in the name of Merlin would you give that to her."
"Didn't she tell you?"
"She didn't tell me anything," Remus said. He was about out of patience with this man. "She came in, went upstairs and now we can't wake her up." David shook his head.
"Gott, she is worse off than I thought."
"What are you talking about? What did you do to her?"
"It's called being snowed. It's a form of heavy sedation. She'll sleep for about four to six days. When she wakes up you'll need to follow the instructions I gave you. Making sure she rehydrates will be the most important. "
"Yes, I saw your instructions. Why, why would you do this?" David stared at him hard.
"To help her." Remus stuffed his hands in his pockets so they would not wrap around the man's neck.
"Help her do what!"
"Sleep. She needs to sleep Remus. She was becoming a danger to others and to herself."
"That's ridiculous," Remus said.
"She nearly killed a patient this morning Remus!" David finally snapped. Remus's mouth dropped open.
"What?" David gestured for Remus to sit down.
"A patient came in this morning. Because Meredith hasn't been sleeping, she was operating in diminished capacity and gave me the wrong medicine which nearly killed the patient. I tried to take the blame but the Chief Healer wouldn't have it. He suspended her for two weeks, without pay followed by a month's probation."
"Good lord," Remus thought. He'd had no idea it was this bad. Meredith's work was everything to her.
"This can't have been the only way," he said. "I agree she needs to move past her guilt…"
"She can't," David said. "She can't move past her guilt Remus. Not like this. Not while she's being haunted."
"Haunted," Remus scoffed. "She's taking Patricia's death hard, I don't deny that but she can't move past this by hiding from it." David shook his head.
"You truly have no idea," he said. "They made a blood oath Remus." If David had thrown a bucket of ice water on his head Remus couldn't have been more shocked.
"What!"
"You had no idea," David said. "Did you never ask how she got the scar on her right palm."
"She said she had cut herself with her potions knife."
"Probably true," David said. "But did she tell you that she cut herself on purpose. That she also cut her friend's hand. That they mixed their blood."
"No," Remus said, shaking his head. "She wouldn't do something so foolish." Blood magic was too dangerous to trifle with. Sirius had told him once about how he and James had once attempted to make a blood pact when they were ten, before Mrs. Potter caught them. Sirius had said it was the only time he could remember being more afraid of James' mother than his own.
"They were eleven," David said. "Too young to know better."
"Dear God," Remus said burying his face in his hands. "I'd had no idea." David squeezed his shoulder.
"As long as she holds onto her anger. As long as the betrayal remains unforgiven, Patricia's ghost will haunt her. That's why I snowed her. Once she wakes up, she'll need your help Remus. I didn't know Patricia. I don't know all of what happened to them. But she has to forgive her. Meredith has to forgive Patricia's betrayal or she'll never find peace." Remus clenched his hands in front of him. This was worse than he'd ever imagined.
"When will she wake up?" He knew David had told him this but he needed to hear it again.
"Four to six days," David said. "I wrote down everything she'll need, do you still have my instructions."
"Yes," Remus said. "I have everything."
"She'll be all right, Remus," David said. "Once she wakes up, she'll be steadier and she can begin the process."
"Process?"
"She not only needs to forgive Patricia, she needs to forgive herself." Remus stroked his head trying to press down the migraine. This wasn't going to be easy, but he would be damned if he wouldn't do everything it took. He wasn't going to lose his little girl over this.