Chapter 5: The Cradle Will Rock

If you could have one superpower, what would it be? Would you want to fly? Teleport? You could have x-ray vision and see through walls, or read minds and hear the deepest thoughts of those around you. Some people would wish to be invisible, having the ability to sit in rooms or listen to private conversions. No one would even know you're there.

Sure it sounds cool, but in the fourteen years he had been alive, Souta Higurashi found being invisible vastly overrated. No one ever noticed him, no one ever asked him about his day, or his evolving interests. It was like he didn't exist, and for awhile he enjoyed it. He was a bit mischievous growing up, but when you're mom is working three jobs, your grandfather can't remember his own name, and your sister has a miscarriage at eighteen, that doesn't leave many people around to notice.

Eventually he figured if acting out wasn't getting him attention, then what would it hurt to be productive? So he started doing everything right, got straight A's, joined multiple clubs, and even joined the baseball team. And still nothing changed. His grandfather died, his sister went college, and although there were less mouths to feed, his mother still spent the majority of her time outside of the house.

He tilted his head toward the sky, as the nice breeze lifted the smoke from his nostrils and up towards the clouds. Taking a final drag from his cigarette, Souta stomped out the bud beneath his heel, as his high school came into view. He remembered how cool he thought high school would be, the giddiness he had at attending the same school as his sister and her "cool" friends.

"That feeling faded quick." He mumbled to himself. He watched his peers mingle in the courtyard as he found a shady tree to sit under. Lighting another cig, Souta took his time scanning over the many different cliques standing together before class. There were the jocks and their cheerleader girlfriends, the nerds, the preps, and the punks.

His head swiveled to the right, his cocoa eyes landed on an interesting group of students. Often referred to as the "druggies" or "the burnouts" Souta found them alluring, for a lack of a better word, or maybe it was just one "burnout" in particular, that seemed to always catch his attention.

"Yo, earth to Souta! I've been trying to get your attention for like five minutes." The teenager looked up at his friend and teammate Shippo Tachibana. He was a short kid for his age, but the girls always cooed over his green eyes and wild Orange locks.

"Sorry." He said unconvincingly. His cigarette was quickly plucked from his fingers as Shippo claimed it as his own.

"I don't know what you see in her man. She's psycho, probably failing all her classes, and she's not much of a looker in my opinion." Shippo said grimacing at the girl's unkept appearance.

Her dark jeans were faded and distressed, her black t-shirt too big for her small frame and falling off her shoulder. Her tattoo, of a vibrant purple flower, on her exposed shoulder on full display. Her dark hair was a mess as if it hadn't been brushed in days, and her face was free of makeup, something which seemed to be uncommon for most girls his age.

Souta thought she was beautiful. The young boy continued to stare, unaware that his gaze was being returned.

Kaede looked across the courtyard, meeting the eyes of the boy who had been staring at her for the last ten minutes. She blew the smoke of her cigarette from her nostrils as she tried to send him an irritated look. It wasn't he first time she caught the Higurashi boy staring and she was sure it wouldn't be the last, though she could admit that he looked at differently than the others.

As a kid all the looks she got had been ones of sympathy and pity. She was an orphan with no living relatives, left alone in the world because her sister killed herself.

"Such a shame to lose such a young life."

"You're a strong girl Kaede."

"Kikyou loved you more than anything."

"Everything will be alright, time heals all."

That's what they all said, and what they continued to say when they ran into her on the street. The looks she got from the teachers here made her either want to retch or punch them in the face, but she oddly never got that feeling when Souta looked at her. When he looked at her, she felt...well she didn't exactly know how she felt. Honestly, she didn't even want to really think about it.

"Come on babe, we're ditching first period." Startled from her thoughts Kaede looked into the dark eyes of her boyfriend, Hakudoshi. He was rough around the edges and his reputation wasn't exactly stellar, but he used to live in her neighborhood and was the first person after Kikyou's death who didn't treat her like some fragile china doll.

"Yeah I'm coming." Grabbing her bag and dropping her cig, she followed Hakudoshi and the rest of their friends out of the courtyard, all the while aware that Souta's eyes followed her every move.

Three hours. That's how long it'd been since everything he knew turned out to be wrong. Three hours is how long it'd been since he heard her voice, or made her pancakes, or smelled the perfume she always wore. Everything he'd done, all the feelings he'd been fighting, all the possibilities he dared not dream of, were sitting right in front of him and he didn't know how to handle it. He needed some time and space, and so he did the only thing he knew how to do; He ran.

Opening the front door as quietly as she could, Kagome tip toed her way into the large house. She slowly closed the door and locked it behind her, slipping off her shoes and carrying them in her hand as she made her way down the hall and up the stairs.

It was almost three in the morning and she was drunk off her ass, and the last thing she wanted was to wake Inuyasha. After Kouga had delivered the gut-wrenching news to her of Kikyou's demise, she had spent the next hour and the whole ride home trying to come up with a game plan, a way to break the news to her friend so she didn't crush him all over again. But nothing she thought of seemed good enough. All she could envision was Inuyasha cursing and screaming, pushing her away and trying to deal with everything on his own. Her eyes went downcast at the thought.

She slid her hand against the wall as she made her way up the stairs and towards her room, she'd forgotten to turn on the light downstairs and it was too late to go back. She almost squealed in delight when she thought she made it to the top, but in her excitement she missed a step and went crashing face first onto the stairs.

She groaned in embarrassment more so than pain, knowing full well that her clumsiness had awoken her housemate.

"Kagome? The hell are you doing?" Her companion said sleepily. His hair was bed ridden and he was clad only in a pair of loose fitting pajama pants. They hung dangerously low on his hips and Kagome felt her face heat, as she thought about the fact he wasn't wearing underwear. Her thoughts made her chuckle, flashing back to a memory she had of them in high school. Inuyasha finding her the kitchen of her childhood home, in the same state of undress.

"Oh nothin', I thought I'd chill here for the night." Kagome said laughing at her own sarcasm.

Rolling his eyes Inuyasha made his way to his drunk friend. Throwing her arm around his shoulder, his hands took refuge under her knees as he carried her bridal style to her room. Kicking open her door he gently set her on the bed, removing her shoes and socks. He unzipped and unbuttoned her jeans, pulling the tight material from her legs. She lifted her hips to help him get rid of the offending article.

She sent him a salacious glance and jokingly said, "you tryna take advantage of me Mr. Sugitani?"

Inuyasha shook his head and dutifully ignored her. He was already having a hard time keeping his intentions pure, he didn't need her making any unnecessarily lewd comments.

"Just lift your arms wench." Doing as asked Kagome lifted her arms and allowed Inuyasha to strip her of her shirt. He turned to her dresser for a few moments and returned with an oversized T-shirt and sleep shorts. Once she was dressed he instructed her to lay back and tucked her in.

"I'll put some aspirin and water on your desk, for when you wake up." He planted a chaste kiss on her forehead, and made a move to stand from her bed, when her small hand around his wrist stopped him.

"I wouldn't mind you know." She said quietly and Inuyasha pinned her with a strange look. One that clearly asked her to elaborate. "If you...took advantage of me."

He sighed and tried to take his wrist back, but her grip was strong. "You don't know what you're saying Kagome. You're drunk." She sat up at that and motioned for him to sit down. He hesitated and looked as if he wouldn't comply, but eventually did as she asked.

"Drunk words are sober thoughts, or so they claim." She released his wrist and used the same hand to stroke his face. "I love you Inuyasha. I never stopped loving you, not even after you left, or when I-"

"Said yes to marrying Hojo?" His tone was sharp, clearly indicating that the thought had occurred to him before, and it made him angry.

"Not even then." She said honestly.

"Then why? Why did you agree to marry him, why...why didn't you wait for me?" His voice faltered and Inuyasha realized he'd finally found the balls to ask the million dollar question. The weight of those words sitting on his conscious finally lifted, and he felt himself slowly regretting it as he waited for Kagome's response.

"I tried." She said after a moment. "Then I realized...I'd been waiting for you since we were in middle school, and I didn't want to do that to myself again. So when I met Hojo and he took a liking to me...I threw my all into that relationship, but it wasn't the same. When held my hand, when he touched me, when he told me he loved me...none of it was the same, because he wasn't you."

Inuyasha stilled at her words. How long had he waited to hear her say this? How many nights had he dreamed of this moment? So why did it all feel wrong? Why did he feel like something was missing, like there was something she wasn't saying?

"Kagome..." He started but he never got the chance to finish, because in an instant her lips were on his. He could taste the love, the desperation, and the tequila on her tongue and he drowned in the feel of her. He missed this, missed her, missed them.

She pulled away so she could turn on the beside lamp. Gingerly she climbed into his lap straddling his hips.

"I want you to see me Inuyasha." She pulled the t-shirt over her head and Inuyasha sat transfixed, as more of her creamy skin became available to his gaze

"I want you to touch me, I want you to say my name." Her small hands explored his chest as her mouth took refuge at his neck. He rolled his head to the side, giving her better access as his own hands explored her sides. "I want you to tell me you love me." She finished, her breath fanning across his ear before her tongue quickly replaced the breeze.

He flipped them over, gently pushing her displaced locks behind her ear, and staring into her eyes. Searching for that one thing, that missing piece. He opened his mouth to speak but the words died on his lips, the minute she took his member into her hands.

"Please Inuyasha, I need you."

And Inuyasha found himself too weak to deny her.

As the memory of what almost occurred between them, floated out of his conscious, Inuyasha grabbed his hair in frustration. He was an idiot, an utter and complete moron. Inuyasha picked up a small rock and watched it skip across the pond.

They were both touching, caressing, and loving every inch of each other. He'd taken his time, trying to re-memorize the way she looked when she was panting, and flushed from her need to have him. When he finally entered her, the feeling was indescribable, it was like coming home.

Before he had the chance to move, he heard her whimper and feared that he'd hurt her in some way. But when looked at her, tears were pooled in her eyes and falling into her hair. She was crying and his heart constricted. How could he be such a fool? She was engaged for fuck's sake! To a man he'd met, and shook hands with, and allowed to stay in his home.

All it took was a few sweet words for him to completely forget that.

"I'm sorry." He'd said, hanging his head in shame. "This...this was a mistake."

But she wouldn't let him leave. She cried and hugged him to her, saying that it wasn't him, that it was her and she would never regret anything they did. Because she loved him. She said it a million times that night. He laid beside her and pulled her into his arms, burying his nose in her hair.

And as she continued to cry and stroke his hair all she could say was,

"I love you, I need you, but I don't deserve you. I'm sorry."

He didn't understand, but it didn't really matter. That morning, before the sun rays could wake her, he left. He thought of leaving a note or something, and for a fleeting moment he thought of staying so they could talk. But in the end he'd simply left, knowing that waking up without him would hurt her and cause her to wonder.

He wanted to regret it. She was drunk and engaged and he'd known better, but he also wanted her. He loved her, needed her, and she'd given herself to him on a silver platter.

So no, he didn't regret it. And that thought only served to make him feel worse.

Kagome stood in front of her bathroom mirror, taking in her swollen eyes and red nose. She'd woken up in bed, naked and alone, almost three hours ago and she hadn't stopped crying since.

She was an idiot and apparently a masochist too. What did she think trying to seduce Inuyasha would accomplish? Like a child she'd thought everything would fall into place, simply by telling him the truth. She'd told him over and over how much she wanted him, needed him, loved him.

"And not once did he say it back." She whispered to herself. It wasn't as if she believed he didn't, because she knew he did, but it still stung nonetheless. She slammed her hand on the sink in frustration, and the sound of her ring clinking against the linoleum drew her attention downwards.

The beautiful diamond twinkled mockingly at her, and she bit her lip as the familiar feel of tears stung her eyes. In all the happenings of this morning and last night, not once had Kagome thought of Hojo. Or how he would feel if he found out, how her selfishness would affect him. The tears slowly rolled down her cheeks as the true weight of what she'd almost done crushed her chest.

Hojo didn't deserve any of this and the thought only served to make her feel even more like a bitch.

'And what of Kikyou's murder? Must've been hard telling him about that with your hand down his pants.' Her conscious snapped at her. That had been her true reason for hesitating last night. Her confession of love had been on her heart for awhile, even before she'd started dating Hojo, and the tequila in her system had given her the courage to finally say it.

She'd never stopped loving Inuyasha and she wanted him back.

But what kind of relationship could they build, if their foundation rested on lies and secrets? She'd craved him last night, and the feel of him inside her had jarred her back to reality.

How could she make love to this man, when she held a secret so dark, so deep, that she knew it had the power to shatter his entire being? She looked in the mirror and her reflection sneered at her.

'You're pathetic.' It said and Kagome took a step back.

'Dirty whore,' it seethed. 'You have a man who loves you, who would do anything for you, yet you pine for a man who never even wanted you.'

"You're wrong!" Kagome retorted. She covered her ears, but the voice wouldn't stop its brutal assault.

'You won't tell Inuyasha the truth and lets face it, you really don't want to.'

Kagome whimpered. "I don't want to hurt him, I don't want him shut himself away." Her excuse sounded weak even to her own ears.

'You don't want to tell him, because even from the grave, you know Kikyou has the power to take Inuyasha away from you.'

In the deepest, darkest part of Kagome's heart she knew the words were true. She ran forward, bringing her fist in front of her to silence the voice. The mirror shattered before her and the voice was gone, but the painful truth of its words bounced around in her head and ricocheted in her heart.

"When did I become...such a horrible person?" Clutching her bloodied hand, Kagome slid to the floor and continued to cry.

Kaede woke up screaming, sweaty, and tangled in her sheets. She sat up, wiping her sticky bangs from her forehead. The dreams were typically the same, some more vivid than the last. Blood, screaming, darkness, and Crimson eyes always flashed at her in the darkness. The eyes, she shuttered, were the worst part. They were cold, lifeless, it was almost like staring the devil himself in the face.

Pulling the covers back she got up from her bed and headed into the kitchen for some water, but Mrs. Latocki was already sitting at the table.

"Would like some tea? It's chamomile, should help calm your nerves." The aging woman said gently. Taking a seat across the table Kaede gratefully took the small cup, and gingerly took a small sip. It was good.

"Thank you."

"That's your fifth nightmare this week, are you sure don't want to see someone dear? You never...talk about anything. It's clearly affecting you."

Kaede wisely bit her tongue and took another sip of her tea. The woman was like a broken record, always asking if she was okay, or begging her to see someone. The young girl didn't see the point and while she knew her caregiver was concerned, she wasn't going to change her mind.

"I'm fine, it's just a few bad dreams, nothing therapy worthy." She said trying to keep the exasperation out of her tone.

"Sure," the older woman said finally taking a sip of her own tea. "The school called today." Kaede stilled in her seat. Ditching first period had quickly turned into ditching all day, and she had come home late after curfew. Her only saving grace was that Mrs. Latocki had already been in bed, but apparently now was as good as ever to have this conversation.

"So what?" She said nonchalantly. Deny, deny, deny, that was her strategy.

"You weren't in school today, and your starting to do poorly in your classes Kaede. And don't think I went to bed without noticing you still weren't home."

Kaede rolled her eyes. "What do you me to say?"

"I want you tell me what's going on. You're such a bright girl, Kaede, I'm not sure why you keep making these stupid decisions. Is it that Hakudoshi boy? You know he's-"

"Stop!" The girl interrupted. "Anything I do is my decision!" She stood up from the table annoyed and ready to try and get some sleep.

"I just wish you would open up Kaede, and tell me what's going on in that head of yours." Mrs. Latocki said sincerely. If Kaede had turned to see the sad expression on her face, maybe she would thought twice about replying so coldly to her.'

"And I wish my sister was still alive, so I didn't have live in this dump with you." She shrugged uncaringly, "but shit happens I guess."

Mrs. Latocki sighed as she heard the girl's door slam.

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