Chapter 17: Confessions Planned, Confessions Forced
"My past has tasted bitter for years now
So I wield an iron fist
Grace is just weakness
Or so I've been told."
- I'll Be Good, James Bay
29 ABY
"Tell it to me again, but slowly," Ben said, shimmering blue streaks of starlight reflecting off his dark irises.
When Ben and Rey had departed from Chandrila just after daybreak, Rey was on no better terms with Leia than she had been the day before. Her aborted attempt at conversation with the Senator had been followed by endless hours of sleepless tossing and turning, a cold breakfast, and an oddly formal good-bye. Even Chewie had only offered a salute and a few words of parting, rather than his usual, rib-crushing hug. Everything had felt wrong.
As their ship slipped into hyperspace, the pounding headache behind Rey's temples had finally prompted her to speak. With neither finesse nor organization, she had poured out the entirety of her terrible encounter, right up to the moment when she'd found herself invisible before Leia's watching eyes. Then, deciding that if she was going to be honest she might as well tell the whole truth, she'd recounted the entirety of Leia's earlier argument with Han, her words tumbling and slipping together in her rush to get them out. When she fell silent at last, Ben had simply stared at her, dumbfounded, before asking her to start at the beginning.
Rey huffed and began to recount her tale more cohesively. Her panicked breathing slowly subsided as she watched understanding and curiosity flood over Ben's face.
"You're sure she said Vader before Luke corrected her?"
Rey scoffed. "That's the part you're most concerned about?" she snapped. "Not the fact that I magically vanished myself right in front of your mother?"
"No, of course not," Ben said. "I'm just trying not to focus on how jealous I am. Can't begin to tell you the number of times I wished I could do that."
"It's not a joke, Ben!" Rey cried shrilly. "Leia thinks I'm evil! And she's hiding things from both of us—her conversation with Luke made it quite clear that she knows something about my family. Something she's not telling me. And what about inheriting power? She made it sound like we're both descended from some mystic lineage of Jedi and that together we're going to…take over the galaxy, or something."
"Wouldn't be the worst idea," Ben muttered under his breath. "Rey, I can see why you're upset. Leia has found the worst possible way to misinterpret our connection in the Force—that much is clear. But she's not all that far from the truth, is she? Except rather than you having secret conversations with a dark-side wielding stranger…" He trailed off, gesturing at himself.
"Ben," Rey rebuked. "That was years ago. And it wasn't your fault."
"Maybe not, but her paranoia isn't unfounded," Ben pressed. "There are clearly Force-users at play here who wish us ill, particularly if what she said about the dark siders from Csilla is true. And Snoke is alive as well. Perhaps not as strong as he once was, but biding his time. I wish I knew what rumors she was referring to. Maybe the rest of the galaxy has finally caught wind of Snoke's existence."
"If they have, maybe Leia knows why he was so interested in us," Rey acquiesced. "But why hide that from you? She doesn't know about any of what happened. Wouldn't it be wiser for her to warn you against his influence?"
"The funny thing about heroes," Ben said darkly, "is that they always think they're making decisions for the greater good. Protecting people. Usually they're just blind to their own self-interest."
"What about my family?" Rey pressed, feeling like a dog returning to a well-chewed bone. "Why would she bring them up in a conversation about inheriting power if she had no idea who they were?"
"Perhaps she's scared of what she doesn't know," Ben reasoned. "They could be anyone. But you're strong in the Force—so strong that you're either an anomaly or the child of a powerful Force-sensitive. How many of those are left in the galaxy, besides Luke?"
Rey swallowed hard. "All the others are…dark. Ben, what if…what if the reason Snoke was looking for me all those years ago was because…"
"No," Ben cut her off. "Absolutely not. Rey, he was hardly human. Something about his mind was…different. Alien. Biologically speaking I doubt he could've produced a human child."
"Then what about Vader? His old lightsaber showed me visions on Takodana. Why would it have, if I'd had no connection to it? Perhaps Snoke was one of Vader's old servants, and he came looking for me because he thought I'd have his master's power."
Ben thumbed at his lip thoughtfully. "It seems a bit far-fetched," he said. "But not technically impossible. There have always been rumors that Vader was once a Jedi, and that it was his knowledge of the Order that allowed him to destroy it from the inside out."
"Maz said that," Rey commented. "That he was one of the greatest Jedi. 'The higher you are, the farther you fall,' or somesuch."
Ben made a sound low in his throat. "It sounds crazy to me. There are other, equally likely explanations. Luke's first master, Ben Kenobi, could have had a child that no one knew about. Or one of the other Force-sensitives who survived the fall of the First Jedi Order. But if Leia's convinced that you're in contact with a mysterious dark-sider, perhaps she thinks they're related in some way to your heritage." He chewed his lip for a moment, lost in thought. "I'm not sure what any of this has to do with the two of us, together."
"Your family are the strongest Force-users in the galaxy," Rey said. "Think about it—the nephew of Skywalker and a descendant of Vader, together? Inheriting power? An inexplicable connection and unusual dark side abilities cropping up out of nowhere? Maybe it does make sense that she's terrified of me."
"You can't frame it like that," Ben said sternly. "You have no idea if any of it is even true. If you were Vader's grandchild and I were Luke's 'heir,' it would only show how meaningless familial relations are in determining a person's fate. Of the two of us, I've clearly shown a stronger proclivity for darkness—"
"That's not true," Rey argued. "You were held hostage by an evil, mind-corrupting megalomaniac for two decades. If anything, your ability to withstand his influence—"
"—due mainly to your influence—"
"Ben, I inverted my Force signature because I was worried your mother would catch me snooping—"
"—and I've told you how kriffing cool I think that is—"
"I could be the daughter of the galaxy's most powerful dictator—"
"—and I would still love you just the same."
Rey fell silent. She realized suddenly that there were tears on her cheeks. She wasn't sure when she had started crying. "You would?"
"Force, Rey, of course I would," Ben grumbled, using his thumb to brush away her tears. "You think I'd let a little family feud ruin our friendship?"
"Little?" Rey sniffed. "More like galaxy-spanning."
Ben shrugged. "Semantics. The point is that you're a good person. Your parents didn't even raise you, so how could they possibly have had any influence over your character?"
"Maybe it's not just about character," Rey argued. "Maybe the darkness is already inside me. Like a sickness."
"Bantha shit," Ben said. "Shielding yourself in the Force doesn't make you evil. Remember what Leia said—your ability to channel the Force doesn't define you. The choices you make when using that ability are what matter. A Force void isn't inherently dark—scholars only recognize it as dark because it was developed by the Sith and utilized in terrible ways. The same goes for Force healing, or shield talismans. All forms of defensive or restorative Force-wielding that the Jedi deemed 'dark' because they were first discovered by dark siders."
Rey ruminated on this for a moment. "So you think Luke and Leia are just wrong?"
"They only have half the information," Ben reminded her. "They don't know about Snoke, or about our Force bond. It's natural that they should search for other explanations in response to what they have heard." He trailed off slowly, and Rey sensed, rather than heard his next thought. Maybe it's time for me to come clean about Snoke. The New Republic could benefit from the things I know.
Rey could tell that the thought pained him, and she laid her hand on his forearm comfortingly. I'll support you no matter what you decide, she projected towards him. I'll even tell them about our Force bond if you think it will help.
Ben looked at her sharply. "No," he said. "Not the Force bond. It's not our duty or our responsibility to share something so personal. Snoke on the other hand…perhaps I should have told Luke long ago. If he's as powerful as I think he is, Snoke could be a threat to our entire Order."
Rey swallowed hard. Even after her encounter with Snoke, she'd never considered the possibility that he could overcome Luke Skywalker. The illusion of safety that the Jedi Temple had always created suddenly felt oddly transparent. "What will you tell Luke?" she asked.
"The truth," Ben said firmly. "Or as much of it as I can manage. It's clear that dark powers are awakening, and Snoke could be behind all of it. Besides, it might draw Luke and Leia's attention away from the Force bond. If they believe that I've already dealt with Snoke, and warned you about him, they'll be less likely to assume that you're communicating with someone outside of the Order."
Rey watched Ben tenderly. The tightness in his jaw and the tick under his left eye both betrayed his unrest. She knew that telling his uncle the details of his troubled childhood would not be an easy task. It would require trust the likes of which Ben and his uncle had never shared. She felt oddly proud.
"He'll believe you," she said softly. "He has to."
Ben faced her grimly. "We'll see."
The next several hours of their journey were spent framing an explanation that would provide Luke the information he needed without inviting any unasked-for questions about Rey's involvement.
"I think it's important that he knows about Snoke's interest in you, but not about how you met him in my mind," Ben reasoned. "The ability to navigate others' thoughts at anything more than a superficial level is a rare skill. Particularly without a training bond of some kind."
"Better to leave out that whole night," Rey suggested. "Luke might misunderstand, and it's not really relevant to the greater picture. You can tell him that Snoke tried to feed you lies about me, and that was what tipped you off to his ulterior motives."
She had to look away from the expression of abject gratitude on Ben's face.
When they finally curled up in their respective seats—the X-wing was cramped, especially for Ben's long limbs—and attempted to sleep, they still had nearly seven hours before they were due to touch down on Yavin IV.
In the silence of the cockpit, broken only by Ben's steady breathing, Rey's mind returned fitfully to the terrible question of her own heritage. She slipped into half-waking dreams where a masked figure drew off its helm to reveal her own face, rumbling thunder and the smell of ozone clogged her senses, and a cold, cruel voice declared, Rey, my child. Come at last.
When she jolted awake, a deep sense of foreboding gripped her; today she would learn something terrible. Something that would change everything.
Despite Ben's reassurances that the identity of her parents held little meaning, she couldn't help but dread that her intuition was correct: that she was descended from Darth Vader, and that Leia had somehow discerned it. How, she didn't know. If she was right, and darkness did creep through her very veins, then she posed an even greater threat to those around her than she had already imagined. Beyond redemption. A truth so immutable that the Force itself had found the need to warn her through visions.
In the end, Rey learned that prescience was another ability she had been granted by the Force, if not her strongest or most accurate.
When they touched down on Yavin IV, it wasn't to Luke's cold glare, but to an empty landing pad, and a strange silence. As they walked the long path to his study, voicelessly rehearsing their prepared debrief and dreading Luke's inevitable questioning, Rey nearly didn't notice the total stillness of the halls surrounding them. Her ordinarily boisterous classmates were nowhere to be found, but she had descended so far into her own dread that their absence almost felt like a blessing. When they finally knocked at Luke's door and entered, it wasn't disapproval that his face wore, but rather, an expression of such profound sadness that for a moment she was convinced someone had died. No one had died, had they? Luke's words should have made sense, but they came through as a buzz, drifting past her comprehension. Beside her, Ben sagged, supporting himself with a white-knuckled grip on the edge of the desk.
As Luke swiveled the holopad on his desk to face them, the three-word news headline emblazoned there was no surprise to Rey. No, this was very much as she had expected, if perhaps sooner and more dramatically unveiled than she had anticipated.
VADER'S HEIR REVEALED.
What did bring her up short was the fact that the face printed beneath the words didn't match her own. In fact, it wasn't even a single face.
Staring up at her were Luke and Leia—younger, outfitted in ceremonial garb, but easily recognizable. And between them, a surly teenaged face framed by dark waves.
Ben.
The look of betrayal in his eyes was horrible.
It confused Rey at first, because she was still thinking of what Ben had said about how meaningless familial relations are in determining a person's fate. For some reason the words rang truer now that they weren't directed at Rey. She opened her mouth to parrot them back to her friend, but his lips were already moving.
"You knew," he spat venomously.
Rey's gaze swiveled to Luke, waiting for him to argue. But the Jedi Master didn't argue. He was staring down at the holopad.
Then Rey understood. She understood that Luke—and probably Leia as well—had known all along that they were Darth Vader's—what? Children? Rey's brow furrowed. Had Luke committed patricide? Irrelevant. Had Han known as well? He must've, if his conversation with Leia was anything to judge by. Suddenly their whispered argument made all-the-more sense. Luke has always said that the reason Vader went dark was because my mother—had married him? Borne him children?
Rey's throat clenched. Leia knew. This was why their attachment scared her. Because the very same attachment had inspired Leia's father to destroy and rewrite the order of the galaxy. Suddenly, her strange Force abilities felt like the least of Rey's problems.
Ben let out a cracked laugh, but there was no humor in it. "You always knew. But you never thought to tell me. Not only that, but you deliberately hid the truth." Rey heard the words that Ben captured behind his teeth. The biting rebuke that went unspoken. To think, I almost trusted you.
She knew then that there would be no confessing of truths, except the ones Luke had already spilled. Ben would take the secret of Snoke to his grave.
A/N: Hey so I kind of hate this chapter! Which is why it took me forever to post even though it was already written. So uhhh...my bad. I got tired of trying to fix/edit it. As it stands, at least it helps the transition into the next part of the story (one more chapter and we'll be there! it's already written but needs big edits...) hope you enjoy more than I did!