By the time Amy finished washing and putting away the dinner dishes, she had the layout of the kitchen almost down. Just like the night before, as soon as they finished eating Amy stared across the table from Jack. They had a silent conversation, or debate more like, that ended in Amy just rolling her eyes and getting up to take their plates to the sink and get started. She finally decided arguing about her role as a domestic servant wouldn't get her anywhere but right where she ended up so didn't even bother opening her mouth. Truth be told it wasn't washing dishes or doing housework that bothered her – she was used to doing it back home – it was the fact that it made her feel too settled, like she was falling into her place by doing what was normal for her in a strange environment. But it was as she stood at the sink drying the dishes in the quiet of the house with Jack catching up on the rest of his paper in the living room that she felt a longing she barely recognized. It made her heart ache and tears sting her eyes for a brief moment before she took a deep breath and sucked it up to scour the cabinets to properly put away the clean dishes.
Amy wandered into the living room when she was finished. "Okay, the dishes are done. I even wiped down the counter and table. Anything else?" For once there was no sarcasm as she spoke.
Jack glanced up at her over his paper from behind his glasses. "Well, I wouldn't mind a cup of tea if you're offering."
"I wasn't." Amy's brow began to crease into a frown. She was trying to be agreeable for once and Jack was toeing the line with his so called jokes.
"Alright. I just thought we could maybe sit and have a conversation." Jack shook out his paper, closing it to read the back.
Amy was skeptical; conversations with Jack turned into more than she was willing to talk about and usually resulted in her scrambling for an exit. "Can't we just watch TV or something?"
"Sure. But we only have maybe ten channels and most of them are probably the news at this hour." Jack really saw no reason for them to have a television at all, or cable really, since it was only on rare occasions that they were ever inside with the time to spend watching anything. When he tried he usually ended up falling asleep anyway and unnecessarily running up the cable bill. Besides, they already had a newspaper subscription to catch up on the news; which he barely had time to read as it was.
"Way to embrace the twenty-first century, Jack. No internet, air conditioning, or cable, and an outhouse. I'm surprised you even have electricity."
"Well, if I had the time to read my paper during the day then we probably wouldn't. Plus, my wife would most likely have found that a deal breaker." Lisa was the opposite of him in many ways, but they were the epitome of the adage "opposites attract." Still, she was more of a modern woman, being the one that dragged a reluctant Jack into the 21st century as she was the only person that could.
A smile lifted the corner of Amy's mouth as she walked toward the entertainment center that held the television along with a bunch of family photos. She began to look through them all. "Where is your wife?" Amy found a photo of Jack and who she assumed was Lisa on their wedding day. She looked several years his junior, but Amy wasn't one to judge. She was a pretty lady with a kind face. She heard the name mentioned several times over the last couple of days but aside from knowing she was Jack's second wife, had no idea who the woman was they were talking about.
"In France at the moment. She has a house in Toulon and some breeding investments she has to check on every so often. She should be back week after next." From Jack's nonchalant reply, Amy figured this was a common occurrence, but asked about it anyway.
"Does she travel a lot?" Amy asked, shifting a frame aside to peer at one behind it.
"Couple times a year. Usually around foaling season."
"Do you ever go with her?" Even as she asked, Amy was pretty sure she could have answered her own question seeing as how Jack was still there at Heartland while his wife was half a world away.
"Nah. That's her thing. I'm not much of a traveler." In their dating years, she convinced him to come along with her overseas, claiming she wanted his "expert" advice on some broodmares she was thinking of investing in. But their time spent with the breeder and at auctions made up only a miniscule fraction of the trip. It didn't take Jack long to feel very out of place and homesick. He lasted only a couple of weeks out of their summer before returning back to Alberta, alone. The great thing about Lisa, and why they ultimately did marry, was her understanding of his ways. While she didn't always agree with them and would show her disappointment or frustration, she just backed off and let him go. Until he cooled down and she went for round two, anyway. Her persistence could get to him at times, but he loved her for it.
Amy glanced over her shoulder with a small smile. "No, Jack, really?" She was teasing of course; absolutely able to believe Jack was the definition of a homebody. Plus, she couldn't see how he'd have the time to travel while running the sort of program he did at Heartland. From the way he talked so easily about it, it was obvious that Jack and Lisa had long ago figured out their place in each other's life. It was always a hard thing to do in a second marriage, especially later in life when a person was already established in their ways and habits. Amy wondered if Lisa's traveling and Jack's obvious lack of interest in accompanying her ever caused arguments between them, but before she could press him further he was changing the subject abruptly from her slight dig.
"Are we going to have that tea, or not?" Jack shot a look from over the rim of his glasses, not having much interest in having fun poked at him once again over his pioneer ways.
"Sure." Amy stepped away from the photos and went back into the kitchen to boil water. She lingered at the stove, leaning on the counter while she waited. For the first time she took the opportunity to give the kitchen a thorough scrutiny and couldn't help but compare it to the one in her dad's apartment. There was clutter but it was of things normally found in a kitchen; unlike at home where it was nearly barren of anything except a microwave and few hard plastic dishes. All four burners of this stove worked whereas Amy used to have to cook using just one that constantly burned out. She'd been nosy while alone that afternoon and poked through the refrigerator to find it full, again, whereas at home they were lucky if they had milk. They ate PB&J for a lot of meals, sometimes only the PB or J if Amy didn't have the time or energy to make an effort to cook or stop at the corner store. Her dad didn't seem to care much either way, though did show his appreciation when she did take the time to prepare a real meal for them. But with his drug habits being what they were he didn't often eat unless Amy made him because he was never hungry, or already full of liquor. There were times she wondered if she'd be better off letting him wither away, but she was too afraid of losing him after they lost her mother and just being utterly on her own. Looking back now, she didn't think it would have mattered either way. It was his drug habits that got her into this mess; thus, his haste to get her out of it best he could. Out of sight, out of mind, in her eyes.
The kettle began to whistle and Amy was glad for the distraction before she went to that place of resentment that brought out her anger. She managed to suppress it after a while in spite of what happened early that morning and would like not to be riled up while trying to sleep. Maybe a cup of hot tea would better help her rest. She even avoided putting sugar in hers just to be on the safe side, preparing Jack's how he specified and carrying both mugs back to the living room.
"How long have you lived on this ranch?" Amy continued her round of questioning as she handed Jack his tea then folded her leg beneath her on the couch.
Jack pulled his glasses off to place on the end table as he took the mug from Amy with a thank you, sitting up straighter. "We were one of the first families to settle this part of Alberta. It's been passed down from son to son for, oh, six generations now. Every one of us was born in this house, except for Ty."
Amy couldn't wrap her mind around the idea of being settled in one place for more than a couple years. Six generations of a single family on the same plot of land was mind-blowing. "It's always been a cattle ranch?"
"Yep. Until my daughter, Lily… well, she had a hard time dealing with Ty's father's accident and needed a way to hold herself together for him. She went to a clinic one day, some First Nations equine training seminar. I guess something shifted in her that day. She started researching and experimenting with his horse. Doc, was his name; he got beat up pretty bad too, but at least he was someone she could help. Ty's father, well, he wouldn't let her try to help him. He marked himself a lost cause and things just sort of fell apart from there." Jack seemed to go off into another world as he deviated from Amy's original question. She hadn't been expecting to hear so much about Ty's parents, ever, but she didn't interrupt Jack if he wanted to share their story with her. Maybe it would give her something to connect with Ty. If he was anything like her, mentioning his parents would be a sore spot, but listening to Jack made Amy see that she wasn't the only one left to deal with family tragedy.
Jack seemed to realize his tangent and smiled, stopping before it went any further. "Anyway, after she was able to help Doc, word got around like it does in these small towns and one thing led to another…" There was still pride in his voice as he discussed his daughter's success with a horse that most would have thought better off dead. But not only that, her ability to find a way to cope with losing her husband as well and moving on from the heartache left in his wake.
"What about the inmate program? Where does that come in?" Amy asked quietly, not wanting to push too much about Jack's daughter after she struck that particular nerve earlier when joking about the herbs and extracts set up in the barn office, though she was curious as to what happened to his father.
"Hm, pretty much the same way. Lily was asked to do a clinic at another ranch with the program. The guy running it was ready to retire, sell the land, and move some place warm in the States. Took a bit of convincing on my part, but I eventually gave in. Thought it would send this place to hell in a hand basket. Believed it for a while, too after a few incidents we had, until I saw what a place like this really does for those guys. It takes a long time, but it's just one of those things that's always worth it in the long haul. After Lily died, I could have let the contract run out, gone back to just raising cattle… But I couldn't do that to her memory. I couldn't do it to those guys. She worked too hard for me to just let it all go like that." Jack finished and took a long sip of tea while Amy chewed on her lip and just took in what all he told her. She was always aware of the passion and dedication the people of Heartland had to what they did. It was obvious in the way they defended every little dig she ever made at the place or the people there, but sitting on the couch that evening was the first time she ever let herself sympathize.
"You grew to love it," Amy observed, smiling over her mug. Jack might not have been totally on board with the idea at first, but had he not just told that to her now, she wouldn't have believed it to be true.
"They all do, eventually. All those guys who sign up just to break up the monotony – who don't really believe in it, or care - they try to hide it for as long as they can, but it grows on them too." It was actually almost unbelievable how impactful a program like Heartland's was on the inmates that completed it. Most of them showed obvious skepticism and even disdain when they first stepped off the bus and were given the rundown of what was what. Was shoveling horse shit and possibly risking serious injury really better than spending time lounging all day or working out in the gym? To many, yes; to others, not so much. It offered new challenges for them all and a way to work out their own issues while trying to earn the trust of an abused or wild animal that wasn't going to do what they wanted just because they wanted it to. Getting frustrated or angry would get them nowhere and they learned to work around their emotions to find a common ground with the horse to gain its trust.
"Is that how you know my dad? Through this program?" Amy hesitated to ask, but she was still in the dark about the connection between Jack Bartlett and Tim Fleming. The last phone conversation she had with her father did not end well and before she could ask him about that particular detail. She asked Jack before, but his answer was to ask her father, which didn't seem to be working out. Tim spent time in jail many years ago. He never talked about it, nor told her what he did to end up there. The only way she even knew was through hearing him mention it via casual conversation with his poker buddies – most of which related.
"For someone who doesn't seem to want to give answers of her own, you are certainly asking a lot of questions." Jack raised his brow. He wasn't annoyed with her sudden influx of questions. In fact, he was glad she began to open up a little more and at least show some small bit of interest even if it turned out she didn't stay long. He just thought if he told her everything she wanted to know, she'd be inclined to offer up a few confessions of her own as a sign of trust. Then again, whatever plagued her seemed to be a lot deeper than even she was willing to accept sometimes.
For a little while Amy poked her head out of her shell, but just as quickly she retracted it. Jack could see the instant change in her body language. She really wasn't much different from a skittish horse and just as he could sympathize with them, he could with her too. But just as with the horses, eventually something was going to give or she'd self destruct. Jack really didn't want to see that happen, but he also knew enough not to push too hard too soon. As soon as Amy looked away into her mug of tea, her fingers tightening on the handle, and her back straightening against the couch, he knew they were right at the line she'd drawn. Her questions ceased and the room went abruptly silent.
But for the first time she didn't just divert the conversation or walk away. "Questions are easier for me than answers right now." She absently traced the mug's rim with her thumb. "I'm just…" She sighed, lifting her eyes to the ceiling as she tried to gather the words. "I'm not comfortable talking about it. I'm not even comfortable thinking about it a lot of the time, but I just can't seem to stop." Her gaze lowered again, her head shaking slowly.
"Might help to talk to someone about it," Jack prompted gently, causing Amy to look slowly his way. He'd been saying that to her since she arrived and while she began to warm up to him, they weren't quite on that level yet. She didn't even know if that level existed anymore.
"Maybe. Except talking about it is what got me here in the first place." Aside from the subject being unsettling for her, Amy related it to her father pretty much abandoning her when she needed him most. He claimed that he was doing what was best for her, giving her what he couldn't (or didn't want to), but she just wanted him on her side. She wanted to be home where things were familiar, albeit probably just as stressful. She didn't want to feel like she did. It made her angry at the world, including herself for being so young and stupid. It made her feel so utterly alone and unloved, even though she kept trying to make herself believe that she was at Heartland out of love. But the scars just cut so deep all she could understand was the pain left behind.