(Violet's pov)
I looked at Clementine as we laid in the bed for a bit, I look out the window for a bit and I slowly get up from the bed as she slept. I walked over to the nightstand and grabbed my jacket as I placed it on and I walked to the living room and sat on the couch as I looked down at the table to see a book to which I grabbed and flipped through the pages and read it a bit. There wasn't much to read honestly so I set the book on the table and I looked around a bit as I got up and headed outside. I sat on the steps of the porch and I looked to the trees a bit as I breathed in the cool morning air for a bit.
"You ok?" I hear and turn to look at Mary.
"I'm fine…. You?" I asked and she nods as she sits next to me.
"I'm ok as anyone can be." She says and I nod a bit as I looked to the trees again.
"Are you sure you're fine?" she asked and I nod again as I look to the truck.
"Clementine wants to go back on the road again…. You know just in case Joan is still alive." She says and I nod.
"Yea… but Javie and the others want to see her."
"If she doesn't want to see them then she doesn't have to."
"I know it's just…. I can't go back there." I say.
"They threatened you?" She asked me and I nodded a bit as I breathed a bit.
"Yea…. Yea but it doesn't matter…. I uh… I think I've lived a good life anyway." I say to her.
"You want to die?" She asked and I shook my head no.
"No… No I don't but it's going to happen anyway…. They'll find me and just take me out." I say as I stand up.
"Let's stop talking about this, we need to get breakfast for the other two." I say as I head inside with Marry and I grabbed the rifle and I sigh a bit as I leave a note for Clementine and AJ. Mary and I leave the house with our guns and we just walk for a good while before we take a rest and I look around for any tracks. But I didn't find the tracks that I wanted to.
"Seems Walkers have been here, either that or someone is walking around with a broken leg." I say as I show Mary the tracks.
"You know they said that some people would fake being Walkers." She says and I look at her.
"Is that so?" I asked as we walked some more.
"Yea, they did it so people wouldn't follow them." She explained and I look at the wood paths.
"I knew a guy that wore Walker skins…. Turns out he's still alive so that's good." I say as we walk more.
"There's an entire group of them apparently." She says and I nod and I finally see deer tracks as I look around.
"Yea he said that to Clementine once, she told me about it when we were at my old home." I explain as we both look around and I see a deer and I slowly raise up my rifle and aim. I took the shot and it got the deer right in the head and we walk up to it and I keep look out for Walkers.
"Alright, I'll carry this and we can head home." I say and she nods as we begin to walk home, it was a while as I see Clementine and AJ outside waiting for us as I come up with a deer.
"You ok?" Clem asked and I nodded a bit as we go and set the deer inside the house. I look at her and place my hand on my side a bit.
"Vi, oh god you're bleeding." Clementine says as she looks at my side and I look down to see my shirt with some blood on it.
"I… I didn't know." I mumbled a bit as I go and sit down and Clementine comes over to me and looks me over.
"Jesus what the fuck." She says as she looks at the wound and then to me.
"How did you not know?" She asked and I shrugged a bit.
"I….. I don't know I don't." I mumbled as I looked to her. I just started to feel down and tired I have no clue what is wrong.
"Vi…. Violet?" I hear and looked to Clem as she was given a first aid kit and looked at my side.
"Jesus fuck." She says and I look at her a bit.
"It's fine." I say.
"The hell it is." She says as I feel a needle going into my side.
"Fuck." I mumble.
"You need to rest." She says and I look at her and I shake my head.
"I was la-."
"No, you will sit back and take a breath, for fuck sake if you couldn't feel the blood before or even pain in your side, there is a huge fucking issue happening." She says to me and I look at her.
"I…. I'm use to it." I say.
"Use to it? How?" she asked and I look at her. I want to tell her what I told Omar; I really do but.
"Violet?" She asked as she looked at me.
"I…. Joan." I say and she looked to me.
"What did she do to you?" She asked and I look at her.
"You… you kept getting in trouble and…. I didn't want her to hurt you…. so, I always took your punishments and… I just got use to them…. Just getting shot hurt like hell." I say as I look at her. She looked pissed, well more than pissed I have no clue what the emotions were.
"I just… wanted you safe." I tell her.
"So instead of trusting me and telling me what was going on you just kept getting hurt and LYING to me." She says pissed.
"I-." I tried to say.
"AJ, Mary please leave the room." She says before I could talk and she looked at me as she stood up.
"You should have fucking told me, I TOLD you that Joan was a fucking bitch, that she manipulated you and you proved my point time and time again especially now." She says and I look at her.
"I didn't want you to get hurt, I didn't want you to know but god damn it I just can't take it anymore." I say as she looked to me. I couldn't look her in the eyes as I looked down at my lap a bit.
"Vi…. What are you thinking?" She asked quietly and I just keep looking at my lap.
"Violet you have to talk to me." She says and I sigh.
"I just wanted you to be somewhere and not move around a lot… especially with your leg, I made a crappy one for you that kept getting damaged and no matter how much I worked on it, it still broke or breaks, then there's AJ he got to be around kids his age, he got to be a kid and so did Mary, they went to school they were taught more things than what I could teach them, I… I miss home, I miss when it was just you, AJ and I…. and now Mary I just…. I wanted to keep you safe I wanted to keep you all safe and I failed at it, time and time again I failed and…." I stopped talking before I say something, I would regret telling her.
"And?" She asked.
"And…. I feel as if I should take the easy way out." I say sadly.
"Violet." She says softly.
"And then with us arguing, and fighting, and you saying you regretted marrying me…. I wanted to end it there, but I knew if I kept thinking like that, I would have been no better than my grandmother, I would be just like her and I hated to have those thoughts, they're…. evil." I say as I look up and stare at the wall a bit.
"I… I didn't want to think like that anymore…. But I still do." I admitted and I rubbed my face a bit.
"You should have told me."
"How can I tell you something like that? Especially when we were fighting like crazy…. You probably would have told me to blow my brains out and I would have done it the next day or night just because I couldn't take it anymore." I say truthfully.
"I…" she stays quietly and I look back to my lap.
"I would have done it if you told me too…. Cause then I wouldn't have to see the guilt on your face if I was gone, I would have died knowing I did one thing you've asked of me to do even if you regretted it later in your life." I say as I hold my arm a bit.
"…. What else have you been feeling?" She asked and I shrugged.
"I feel nothing right now, or at least a little depressed I have no clue." I say to her and she looked to me and I look at her.
"I don't want those thoughts and I've worked around them a bit I can deal with them." I say.
"Not alone."
"Yes, alone because there is no point in bothering anyone else with them, can we please leave it at that for now?" I asked and she nods a bit and then she sighs a bit.
"Alright… I'm going to let the kids in, I just want you to lay down and rest a bit, I have to find some peroxide." She says and I nod a bit as she stands up and I lay fully on the couch and close my eyes just a bit. I could still hear them talking a bit and I just listened to them all talking.
"So, we could just cook this and save some for the road." Clementine says.
"Could make some jerky with it." I say.
"Oh, I missed that, can we?" AJ asked.
"Yea we can do that." Clementine says.
"Yes." AJ says with some victory in his voice. I know he loves the stuff ever since I made it back in Texas.
"What is Jerky?" Mary asked and AJ explained what it was.
"Oh, that sounds good." She says and I nod a bit and look to see Clementine coming over to me with some peroxide and I sigh.
"This is going to be a bitch." I mumbled.
"Quit being a baby." She says jokingly and I just nod as she cleans my wound and I just look at the ceiling a bit.
"Violet….. if you ever feel like that you can talk to me about it." She says quietly and I nod a bit.
"Yea, but like I said, drop it." I say and I look at her a bit and then back to the ceiling.
"I'm sorry I shouldn't have told you." I say.
"It's a good thing you did, if I didn't know now how do you think I'd react later on?" she asked and I shrug just a bit and I lay my head away from her and I close my eyes as I feel a needle go into my side. I suppose I fell asleep because once I open my eyes I see the sun setting a bit and I slowly get up and look around. AJ and Mary were at the table drawing and I see Clementine reading a book.
"Whatcha reading?" I asked and she looked to me.
"Hmm some type of romance book? It's stupid but then again I'm reading this." She says waving the book and I smile a bit.
"boredom does that to people." I say as I stand slowly but I'm stopped by Clementine.
"Don't over do yourself you hear?" She asked and I nod a bit as I go outside for a breather and I look to see nothing but trees and I go take a seat on one of the chairs just sitting on the porch. I just watch nothing and hear some animals and I think a bit and hear the door open.
"Clem says dinner will be ready soon." AJ says and I nod.
"Ok." I say but I don't hear the door close and I look to see AJ looking at me. He then steps out more and closes the door and takes a seat next to me and I look at him a bit.
"I heard you and Clem talking…. Why didn't you just tell her about what Joan was doing to you?" He asked and I groan a bit.
"I know you mean well AJ but you should know why I couldn't tell her." I say.
"To protect her? She can handle herself; you can't coddle her either, she doesn't like that a lot, then you end up hurt…. You didn't come home and clementine would worry about if you're ok, if you got hurt, what would she do?" he asked and I look at him.
"AJ…. I…. I have no clue what to do anymore…. I'm scared… I'm hurt, I just…. I just wanted to do something right but I failed at that and now….. now I just don't want to do anything anymore." I tell him.
"So, you're giving up?" he asked.
"Probably, I have no clue." I tell him and I look at the woods.
"If a Walker were to bite me, I wouldn't fight it." I admit.
"But you have to." He tells me and I nod just to make him happy.
"Alright…. I will." I tell him and he nods as well as I turned to look at him. The door opens again.
"Dinners ready." Mary says and I nod as I get up and we head inside. We sit in the livingroom and eat some of the deer meat and I look at all three of them a bit and I look back to my lap and I finish the meal and go and set the plate in the sink. I head back into the living room and I watch them as they all talk about what we will do next.
"Where should we go next?" AJ asked and I look at them.
"Violet?" Clem asked and I look at her.
"We could…. We wanted to head to California…. We can do that?" I asked.
"Sounds like a plan, then we can head to Washington, heard that was nice, you know considering." Clem says and I nod.
"We could head to Canada even." Mary says and I smile a bit.
"Shit, if we can get a boat, we could head to the other side of the world…. Shit we don't know if effected the rest of the world." I say truthfully.
"If it didn't why didn't people come to help us?" Mary asked and I nod.
"True, I mean walkers can walk underwater so they probably got the others." I say and we all nod a bit and I lay my head back and take a breath.
"You ok?" Clem asked and I nod.
"Yep, just trying to figure out what to do next." I think.
"Well, we could just have fun?" AJ asked.
"Fun?" I asked.
"Well think about it, no one can tell us what to do, when you guys were around before the walkers, was there something you always wanted to do?" AJ asked and I chuckled a bit.
"I always wanted to eat ice cream for dinner, but we don't have any of that, and I was only a kid so things changed." Clementine says.
"I have no clue what I wanted to do as a kid…. What about you two what do you want to do?" I asked and they both smirk at us and I look at them.
"Pillow fort." They both say and Clem and I laugh at this.
"Alright, we can do that." I say as we gather whatever blankets and pillows there were and I grabbed some chairs and we started to work on it.
"You know the last time we did this was back on the farm with…." I stopped as I remembered Tenn and I looked down and then kept working.
"Vi." Clementine says and I look to her.
"It's fine, he's gone, so." I say as I get back to work. Once done AJ and Mary head inside the fort and I smile a bit as I watch them.
"This is just like the farm." AJ says as he pokes his head out the entrance and I nod.
"Except you aren't so small anymore, you're a teenager now, almost an adult." I say and he nods.
"Hell yea." He says and I chuckle a bit and I look to Clementine as she smiles at us.
"God, I wish I had my camera still." She says and I think a bit and I go over to my bag and I open it up and smile as I grab the old camera from the farm and I hand it to her.
"I remember packing it in my bag a long time ago." I say and she smiles at me and then moves me over to the fort and sits me down and AJ and Mary have their heads out and I chuckle again and then the flash happens and I look to Clementine and I chuckle a bit more.
"You good?" Mary asked and I nod.
"Yea I'm fine, just happy."
"That's good." AJ says and I think and I look around the house a bit, seeing as we have nothing better to do. I search in what seems to be a teenagers old room and I see an old big CD player. I turn it on and see it still works and I smile as I turn it off and look around for any CD's to play.
"Hey you good?" I hear and turn to look at Mary and AJ.
"Yea, just found something you guys should know." I say as I hold up the big CD player and they look at it confused and I chuckle.
"You listen to music on it, trust me it's much better than that old record player back at the school." I say as I look to AJ and he smiles as he takes the device from me and heads down the stairs and I look for some CD's again, with Mary's house we were able to find some and we both head down the stairs and I see Clem looking at the CD player.
"You know how to work it?" I asked.
"Honestly, no I never had one to be honest, and my friend never let me play hers when we were kids." Clem says and I nod as I grab an old CD and I open the player and place the disk in. I turn it on and I listen for anything.
"Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I stay up and think of you
And I wish on a star
That somewhere you are thinking of me too." The song pours out the radio Softly and I make sure to turn the volume down a bit as I look to Clementine and smile.
"'Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight
'Til tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room dreaming about you and me." I hold my hand out a bit for her and she looks to me then to the kids as they smile too and I chuckle. She takes my hand gently and we slowly sway to the music and I look at her.
"Wonder if you ever see me, and I
Wonder if you know I'm there
If you looked in my eyes
Would you see what's inside?
Would you even care?"
"I just want to hold you close
But so far, all I have are dreams of you
So I wait for the day, and the courage to say
How much I love you
(Yes I do)." I pull her a little closer and I look at the kids as they laugh a little at Clementine who has not only awkward footing right now but she's also blushing like crazy.
"I'll be dreaming of you tonight
'Til tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight ('Til tomorrow)
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room dreaming about you and me"
"Corazón, I can't stop dreaming of you
No puedo dejar de pensar en ti
I can't stop dreaming
Cómo te necesito
I can't stop dreaming of you
Mi amor cómo te extraño"
"Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I stay up and think of you
And I still can't believe
That you came up to me and said I love you
I love you too." I sing a bit as I look to her, she smiles and nods as we dance a bit more.
"Now I'm dreaming with you tonight
'Til tomorrow and for all of our lives ('Til tomorrow)
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room dreaming with you endlessly"
"Dreaming with you tonight
'Til tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight ('Til tomorrow)
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room dreaming with you endlessly (I'll be dreaming)"
"Dreaming of you tonight
Endlessly
And I'll be holding you tight ('Til tomorrow)
Dreaming with you tonight (Endlessly)
Endlessly
Endlessly
Dreaming." The song ends and I look at Clementine as we slowly stop dancing, I kiss her cheek gently and she looks to me.
"You good?" She asked and I nod a bit as I turn to see AJ and Mary playing in the fort a bit, I hadn't noticed they had gone in, I was to fixated on Clementine to notice.
"Let's sit for a bit, my leg is starting to hurt." She says and I nod as we go to the kitchen and sit in the remaining two chairs that we left in here. I watch as Clementine makes some coffee and I look around a bit. I shake my head as I look out the window and I see a crow fly on by.
"Your first picture." I say.
"Pardon?" She asked as she turned to look at me and I looked at her.
"Your first picture was of a crow, right?" I asked and she nods.
"I'm surprised you remember that." She says as she placed the coffee mugs in front of us.
"I remember a lot of things." I tell her.
"Like?" She asked.
"We went to Howes once, the music started to play and that's where we had our first dance…. When we went fishing one day, it was when the weather was warmer and you were wearing this short tan shirt and jeans, I was wearing a green shirt with my jeans and I looked to you, a stuttering sweaty mess swearing and…. I asked if you wanted to be with me forever…. You were shocked when I asked and I tried to play it off like I didn't just say that and I ended up falling into the river and you laughed." I say and she giggled a bit and I smile.
"When we looked over the defenses, we took a seat on the roof of the bell tower and…. And you said you wanted to be more than friends…. And then you kissed me… and I said 'Holy shit.'" I say remembering.
"Well that's romantic." She says and I chuckle.
"I mean… holy shit…. Just imagine…. We have come so far in life, the dead are disappearing as we speak, communities are being made, some good some bad…. By the time I have grey hairs we'll be semi back to normal. You know." I say as I look to her and she nods a bit.
"Well you're starting to get grey hairs so." She says jokingly and I laugh a bit.
"Shit I'm in my thirties now…. Honestly didn't think I'd make it this far, if you told me all those years ago that I'd be thirty-something years old, Married, and got two kids to look after, I would have called you out on it." I say as she pours some coffee for us and I take a drink of mine and I watch as AJ and Mary try to figure out how to work the CD player.
"You have no regrets?" She asked and I look down at my lap and then back at her as I take a breath.
"Yea… a few…. Like saving Tenn, being nicer to Louis…. Not listening to Joan…. I thought I was doing good for you but in the end, I get shot by David, I get beaten by Louis, and I…. I just think some bad thoughts…. You think we should have ever left the school? When we went to the farm and all?" I asked.
"I have no clue; things change no matter what." She says.
"But if we didn't leave, we would probably still be there, Tenn…. Would still be here instead of…. There." I say as my throat begins to close. I wanted to cry.
"I know Minnie still blames me, it was all my fault, I should have done something to save him." I say.
"Vi, I'm going to tell you something that Lee told me once, in the moment you do what you have to, when you look back on it you think you could do something differently but when it happens things can change for you and others…. Especially now in this world." She says and I chuckle sadly.
"It just sucks you know." I say and she nods.
"Yea it does, but look, you've taken care of AJ and now Mary." She says and I nod as I try and relax a bit but I can't.
"You've helped the most." I say.
"Hey you said it not me." She says and I chuckle as she looked at me.
"Yea… Yea I did." I mumbled as I look around a bit.
"Hey what's this?" AJ asked and then I heard something through the radio.
"FUCK! Um…I have no idea if this works but……. hey there's a radio…… stat-……. that's still working, fuck if anyone is out ther-." The radio cut off as I got up quickly and looked at it.
"The fuck was that?" Mary asked.
"Language…. And I have no clue." I say as I look at the radio and waited a bit before there was static and Walker sounds. I heard a scream or two and I look to the ground as I hear more Walker sounds and I clench my hands in fists.
"Shit, you think they died?" I asked as Clem walked next to me and she looked at me worried and I looked at the kids.
"If they are, we can help them, right?" AJ asked and Mary nodded and I shook my head.
"I don't think they did." I say.
"We don't know that." Mary says.
"It doesn't matter anyway, we can't have more people with us, and ya'll just got away from Joan, we don't know anything about this person or people." I say.
"But they're just survivors Violet." AJ says and I look at him.
"We can't risk it, and we won't risk it, I'm sorry but the Walkers aren't the issue it's people more than ever." I say to them all.
"I'm not going to risk you guys for someone we have no clue who they are." I say.
"WE CAN'T LET THEM DIE IF WE CAN HELP THEM, WE SHOULD!" AJ yelled and I look at him sadly and I think and look back to the radio and I co over to it to see the station and I nod as I shut it off and head over to the maps and look around it.
"Violet." Clem says worried and I circle some old radio stations and I look at her.
"What is it Clem?" I asked as I worked more.
"Violet what are you doing?" She asked and I look to AJ as he glared at bit at me and I look back to Clementine then him as his face changed from anger to sad I guess he didn't like that he yelled at me, I don't know. I sigh a bit as I work on the map more just to make sure I didn't miss anything on it.
"I'll go look at the old radio stations and see where this person or people are…. I'm just going to see if they're ok not bring them here." I say as I go grab a bag and fill it up just a bit not much and I go grab my rifle and I look at her.
"You and the kids can leave in the truck; I'm going by foot now." I tell her quietly and she looked to me and tried to say something but I stop her.
"I got to do this…. AJ is right, we can't let them die if we could help them, but I'm not risking you or their lives just to be safe." I tell her and she looks at me sadly.
"Just watch them, if you have to leave then leave, just leave the markings if you want me to follow that's all I ask." I say and I hurry to the door and start heading to the first radio station that was on the map.
"Hmm, ten miles away." I mumbled as I headed into the woods, careful of any walkers that could still be lurking in these areas.