Crush III: Sostenuto

by MissMelysse

Starting a relationship is easy; maintaining one takes work. This is the 3rd novel-length book in the CRUSHverse. Strong T over all, individual chapters may be M. ***This is a close-canon AU.*** Follows CRUSH II: Ostenato, UNACCOMPANIED: A Suite for Actress & Android, and Bedtime Story. Data/Zoe.

14. Transition - Part I

Transition – Part I

Stardate 46591.30

(Monday, 4 August 2369, 19:53 hours, ship's time)

U.S.S. Calypso

The image of the green and blue planet on the viewscreen was getting larger and larger. I'd long-since stopped asking Data if we were there yet. After the third time I'd asked for a status update he'd given me a 'tour' of the control boards for our borrowed yacht and given the countdown timer special emphasis. It was enough to convince me that the next emotion he manifested might just be annoyance, although, knowing him, he'd probably just call it a condition.

The countdown clock was almost to zero. I glanced at Data, watching his concentration as he entered new commands into the computer. "Zoe, please ensure that you are strapped in. We have entered orbit and will be descending through the atmosphere."

I knew we'd gone through much the same process in the runabout we'd used to get here the previous year, but then I had been in the back, while Geordi had been in the cockpit with my partner. This time, it was only us.

And it would be only us for two weeks.

Well, us, and Spot, and the phaser in Data's flight bag. I don't know why that was still stuck in my mind. I wondered if he'd had it with him on Winter, or on Centaurus, or even on that first field trip with my classmates – the one to Serenity V. Then again, I hadn't missed the weapons display on my tour of the controls. Unlike the small ships we typically used, the Calypso

"I'm good," I said, noticing that he'd also engaged the safety straps. "Are you expecting a rough landing?"

"Not as such, but there is considerable cloud cover and the descent may be turbulent."

"How come we never strap in when descending in a shuttle or runabout?"

"Attitude stabilizers in utility vehicles are designed for repeated ascent and descent. In a vessel such as this yacht, that can land, but typically does not, strapping in during atmospheric flight is advisable."

"Thank you."

"You are welcome, Zoe."

"Did you ask to borrow the yacht because it has weapons and you knew Lore had sent me that stupid bird?"

"I did not ask."

"Captain Picard offered? Really?"

"He did. Really."

"But the reason?"

"The yacht does not have a weapons system, so that was not a factor. It was more likely that the captain was considering your comfort. However, the propulsion system on the Calypso does have more sophisticated warp engines and can sustain greater speeds than shuttles or runabouts, thus maximizing our time here, and minimizing our time in transit."

"So, that's why you have your phaser? Because we have no other protection?"

"It is merely for… insurance."

"Were you and Geordi armed last year?"

"Yes."

"Oh."

"Why does this trouble you?"

"I'm not sure. I guess… I don't like thinking of you as a killer. I mean… I understand intellectually that you've been in combat situations, but… "

"It is my hope, dearest, that you will never be confronted with death in such a fashion."

"Yeah… mine, too."

We'd been descending as we talked, and in a moment that felt almost scripted, Data set the yacht down in the clearing near the house just has I uttered the final word. According to the chronometer on the controls, it was not quite twenty-hundred hours, but the light beyond the yacht said it was mid-afternoon.

"What's the time difference between local time and Calypso time?"

"Roughly six hours earlier. It is not quite fourteen-hundred hours, local time. Shall we disembark, Zoe? We are… home."

"I really hadn't meant that in a presumptuous way…"

"And as we discussed, there was nothing inaccurate or presumptuous in your description. The Enterprise is our home. Your space at Yale will, in a sense, be our home, and this place is also our home, for the next two weeks at least, and beyond that, as well, if you truly wish it. Do you?"

"How can you do that? How can you just ask weighty questions like that with no preparation?" He unstrapped his safety belt, and I did the same, but neither of us left our seats. I could tell he wanted a real answer and wasn't going to move until I gave one. I took a breath. "There's no good answer to that, Data. In my head, I think about it… living blissfully off-grid whenever you can take time away from missions, and I can leave whatever I might be doing… but it's not practical, and it's just a fantasy, and it's too soon. And… and you introduced me as your life-mate." My attempt at the Hamalki word was not as accurate as his would have been.

"You are referring to when we were in engineering with Dr. Bashir."

"Yes."

"You object that I did not refer to you merely as my girlfriend?"

"Kind of… I mean… it's complicated."

His tone was neutral. "We share a home, Zoe. We share a monogamous romantic partnership. We are registered as domestic partners within Starfleet and are one another's legal next of kin. We have discussed marriage as a future goal, and further discussions have included the possibility of children. In approximately thirty-three days we will reach the second anniversary of being together as a couple. I am aware that you are in a period of personal transition and are not yet ready for a public statement of permanent commitment, but until that occurs, I cannot think of a more appropriate word for what we are. Can you?"

I couldn't, and he knew it perfectly well, but labels had gone out of my head, because he'd been precise – as always – in his phrasing. "You said I wasn't ready…"

"Am I incorrect?"

"I… no. But you implied… you are?"

"I am." Wide open yellow eyes held my gaze. "I will endeavor to give you the time you need, Zoe. For now, please understand that I am devoted to you, and I will wait."

I wasn't ready to respond to that. I'd told Deanna once that if Data ever asked me to marry him, I wouldn't be able to decline. I'd told him much the same. Was it true? I took a deep breath and mentally tested the idea of being at school as Mrs. Data. Not that I'd change my name, but still…. I wasn't ready to have that question asked and answered. I wasn't interested in other options. I was just… not quite ready.

"Data… can we go ins – can we go home, now?"

"Of course."

(=A=)

Data used the Calypso's transporter to send our luggage inside, and then we made our own exit – on foot – from the ship. I started toward the laboratory door, which was the way we'd entered the house last time, but my partner stopped redirected me toward the main door, the one that opened into a foyer next to the room I'd first claimed as my domain: the library.

The lights came up as soon the door was opened, and the house looked much as it had the previous year, except there were fresh flowers in vases: irises on the dining table, sunflowers on the low coffee table near the couch.

"You arranged for the flowers?"

"Yes."

"Is there anything the caretakers can't provide?"

"Very little." He made sure the door was firmly closed, and then set down Spot's carrier.

"Is everything going to be all weird between us now?"

"No, but I believe we must discuss your fears before we leave here."

"That's fair," I said. "Data… so much is changing, and I'm scared, but I still want all those things we talked about. I love you."

"I love you also. You have not eaten in several hours; do you wish to have a meal before or after we unpack?"

"After, that way everything's done."

"Very well. I am going to release Spot now."

"You might want to wait until we set up her litter box; she's been cooped up for a long time today, and she might need to pee."

"A valid point."

He disappeared into the guest bath and came back a moment later. "The caretakers have a litter box ready for her. Would you like to join me in helping her get used to the house?"

I shook my head. "I think I'll leave you and Spot alone for a bit."

Data lifted the carrier and carried it to the bathroom, and I went to our bedroom, where there were more flowers. I sat on the edge of the bed and kicked my shoes off and let myself just settle for a few minutes. Then I began to unpack. The footlocker holding my stuff for school and the clothing we'd earmarked for the wedding were still on the yacht, and would remain there, but everything else would be hung or put in drawers.

I wasn't entirely surprised that my partner didn't immediately come to help. I think he knew I needed space.

(=A=)

I was half finished unpacking by the time Data re-joined me. Wordlessly, he began hanging the things I'd set aside, while I finished filling the dresser. On the Enterprise we had separate sets of drawers. The bedroom on Terlina required that we share space. I smiled as I arranged his socks and underwear in one drawer, my bras and panties in another. There was something intimate in handling each other's clothing… something I hadn't realized could be intimate until I'd experienced it.

In just a few minutes, we were finished, and I sat down on the end of the bed. Data came to sit next to me and put his arm around me. I relaxed into his body. "Is Spot settling okay?"

"She has relieved herself and is now exploring the house. I have kept the door to the lab closed."

"Wise plan." I let my hand drop to his thigh. "I'm glad we came here. I'm looking forward to exploring starting tomorrow, and I agree, we have some things to talk through, but can we table that until tomorrow, as well?"

"And today?"

"I'm hungry enough to eat, I think, and then maybe we could take a walk around the lagoon?"

"I believe that also qualifies as a 'wise plan,'" Data said.

"The flowers were a nice touch," I said as we both left the bed.

"You are going to insist that they were not necessary."

"They weren't. They're not."

"I disagree." He turned on the lights in the kitchen and chose something from the selection of prepared meals in the fresher. "Is eggplant parmesan acceptable, or would you prefer something lighter?"

"Add a salad to it, if there are any… or do I need to replicate that?"

"You do not. I will heat our main dish and deactivate the stasis container on the salad, if you will set the table."

"Deal," I said, and went to collect silverware and plates. "So, why are the flowers necessary."

"If this house is to be a potential home, we must live here as we do on the Enterprise. The flowers we have on our table there are one of the 'little things' I can do to remind you that your presence is a part of our home."

I cocked my head, thinking about his words. "The way we agreed that when you were with me in San Francisco or on tour, or on Winter, that it wasn't vacation, because I was working."

"Yes."

"And when I come home from school, it also won't be vacation, because you'll be working."

"That is correct."

"Everything is changing, but at the same time, nothing is changing."

"I would not phrase it quite that way, but you are essentially correct." I filled two glasses with chilled water, and he brought our food to the table and served it. "You did not wish to have wine?"

"Not if we're going to walk by the lagoon, no."

"Ah."

I grinned. "Why does that rate an 'ah?'"

"It is likely that you wish do to more than merely walking."

I laughed. "Maybe. Maybe not. I do want to know if it's safe to swim in, but that doesn't have to be today."

We finished our meal and made sure Spot was offered food – she declined to eat it - and then we stepped outside. I'd taken off my shoes and socks back in the bedroom, and I reveled in the feeling of grass and then sand on my bare feet as we began our counterclockwise stroll along the shore of the lagoon. Early evening sunlight was casting shadows, a light breeze was causing the nearby trees to rustle, and when Data reached for my hand, I met it, and laced my fingers with his.

"Can I ask you a question?" I didn't normally start conversations that way, but in that moment, it was a good preface, and it gave me time to choose the words I really wanted to say.

"Of course, Zoe; always."

"After Dr. Soong… after your father died… what happened to the body? Do you have long-lost human relatives somewhere? Did you just obliterate him?" I hesitated. "I'm sorry, it's really not my business, I know, but…"

"But it was his house, and you wish to know he is 'resting well?"" Data asked.

"Yeah. Pretty much."

"Geordi and Commander Riker assisted me in digging a grave, and we buried his remains in it."

"Oh."

"Does that disturb you?"

I thought about it for a moment. "No, not really. Does it disturb you that I'm so drawn to this place? I mean… it's your property, but it's the place your father came without you, and…"

"And it is also the first place where I felt love for you."

"But that wasn't real…"

"Was it not? It is true the… feeling… was generated by a subroutine, but so is my respiration, and that is not merely an affectation. It was not what I expected, but I have had time to consider, and what I am able to express to you now is not far removed from that moment."

"Would you be able to speak those words now if you hadn't then?"

"I do not know." I turned my head to look at him, my movement sharp, startled. "I am evolving, Zoe. Growing. Just as you are. Our relationship has served as a catalyst. Where before I would have stated that I was incapable of being bothered or distressed, that is no longer the case. I do not perceive these conditions as strongly as you seem to feel any of your feelings, but I recognize that there is a component to my perceptions that was not 'there' before and is present now."

I let his words sit with me for a moment. "Should I worry about you going into cascade failure?"

Data stopped walking. "You believe I will suffer the same fate as Lal."

"Believe isn't quite the right word. I worry. Geordi said it wouldn't happen to you, that your neural net is more developed and therefore more stable… and I know what Whiskers said in his presentation – that you can't just program a neural net, that it must grow just like an organic brain. But… and maybe it's because I have only the most rudimentary understanding of how you truly function… I worry."

"My neural net is in no danger of failing, Zoe. The changes that have manifested so far have been slow developments."

"Will you promise that if the danger of cascade failure ever becomes real, you'll warn me?"

"It will not happen."

"Data…" I made his name a warning.

"I promise," he said.

We resumed walking. "You never answered my original question."

"About the house," he said.

"Yes."

"I am pleased that you are comfortable here. When we came here together last year, I had hoped the changes I asked the caretakers to make to the master bedroom would be enough to make you feel at home. It was only after you suggested I keep it as a getaway that I began to consider it as a possible home for us."

"We'd have to remodel it to accommodate children or guests." It was skipping a step, I knew, to play this game, to plan for a future I wanted but hadn't precisely agreed to, yet.

"Perhaps a series of cottages along the beach."

"Cottages?"

"I find that I am unwilling to give up our privacy."

The wind changed directions and I paused to watch the ripples on the water. Data released my hand and moved to stand behind me, sliding his hands around my sides and clasping them below my breasts. He'd held me that way before, at my mother's wedding. I'd thought it was intimate then. On the shore of a lagoon on the jungle planet he technically owned, and where we were the sole occupants, it was more than intimate it was…

"Data!" His thumbs had found my nipples and were rubbing circles around them through my shirt and bra.

His voice was right by my left ear. "I am experiencing desire, Zoe. I am envisioning the way your bare skin would look in the mixed illumination of the setting sun and rising moon." The motion of his thumbs ceased. "Am I being too forward?"

I closed my eyes against his question. Then I covered his hands with mine and pressed them against my breasts. "Not too forward. Never too forward." I leaned back against his chest, trusting that he would support my weight. "More, please?"

"As you wish." I could tell from his voice that his lips had quirked upward when he said it. He touched his lips to my neck and nibbled gently. I shivered in response. "God…"

I expected him to respond with his usual line about only being himself, but he surprised me by countering with "Goddess." And then, after more attention was paid to my neck and my breasts, "May I undress you, Zoe?"

I hesitated. I didn't want him to think I was rejecting him, but sex on the beach tends to end up with sand in really uncomfortable places. On the other hand, removing sand from those places could be another kind of fun. And it was still rare for Data to be the one who initiated sex. "Please do."

Data turned me in his embrace, but he removed his uniform jacket – he always wore his uniform during travel – and spread it on the ground before unfastening my shirt, and then my bra. The evening air was warm, but I was trembling slightly, even so. Anticipation did that to me sometimes.

I wasn't sure if my partner had planned this, or if he was truly responding to the desire he'd begun experiencing a few months before, but either way, I didn't want to miss a second of time with him.

Data's hands cupped my breasts, and his thumbs returned to my nipples again, the combination of his touch and the soft breeze making them stiffen. I breathed out a sigh and reached for him., as much because I could never not touch him, as because my knees were a bit wobbly. "Wait," he said softly, pulling off the t-shirt that went beneath his jacket.

I didn't know how I looked to him in the deepening twilight, but Data was beautiful, gold skin almost luminescent in the waning light. My breath caught.

"Are you alright?" He was always so aware of my reactions.

"Yeah, just… yeah…" I flattened my hands against his chest, centering myself. "Don't stop."

"I am not." Our shirts and my bra were dropped on the ground. "Step back, please?" I moved so I was standing on our discarded clothing. "One step further."

"Okay…"

Data removed his hands from my breasts, stepped out of his boots, and skinned off his trousers and underwear. For a moment, I just stared at him, but then he moved closer to me. "You have complained that 'sex on the beach' is never as attractive as it seems in video entertainment. Will you trust me to minimize the amount of sand you will have to encounter?"

I chuckled softly, more at his phrasing than at his intended query. "I trust you, Data. In everything. And we do have a bathtub."

He dropped to his knees in front of me and rested his head against my belly. The jeans I was wearing had a low waistband and he dipped his tongue into my navel and teased as he released the snap and pulled down the zipper to pull the rest of my clothing off. I braced my hands on his shoulders as I stepped out of the jeans and my underwear and let him guide me down to the spread-out clothing.

"My Zoe…" he breathed. "You are beautiful."

Both on our knees, we pressed close to each other. Our lips met, and our tongues, in kiss after searing kiss. At some point, Data lifted me, and guided me into a new position, where I was straddling him while he was kneeling, not upright, like before, but on his haunches. With any other partner, I'd have had to use one hand to help balance, but he'd demonstrated before how android strength could be used during sex, and this was another such demonstration.

He held me upright, sucking at my breasts, pulling all sorts of pleasure sounds from me. And then he was cradling me, supporting my back and shoulders while we joined. His release came shortly after mine, and it's a good thing we were alone, because I shouted my climax to the setting sun and rising moon.

Afterward, sitting on the pile of clothing, my back to his chest, his arms around me, his legs outside mine, we lingered for a while, not wanting to break the spell.

The soft sounds of the wind and the water, and the pleasant tiredness of my body made me drowsy enough that I would happily have slept in his arms all night, but the call of nature roused me. "We should go in," I said. "This was lovely, and I don't want it to end, but…"

"Your bladder requires it?" he finished the sentence for me, making it a wry question. "Do not be embarrassed by your physical needs, Zoe."

"Says the man who still won't talk to me if I'm on the toilet."

"That is… different."

I rolled my eyes at him, but I was only teasing. "Can I have your t-shirt? I'm too sweaty for my own clothes; they fit too closely."

"Of course."

We returned to the house, not rushing, but with more purpose than we'd had when we had begun our walk. Inside, I made a beeline for the bathroom, while Data hovered just outside.

"I'm all mixed up, time-wise," I confessed to him after I emerged once more. "It was afternoon when we got here, but our meal was technically dinner, and now night has fallen – and I'm tired, and a bit disoriented. Is this what space lag feels like?" I took a beat. "I'm totally asking the wrong person, aren't I?"

"I cannot experience temporal dysphoria," he confirmed. "However, the description of your own perceptions is not dissimilar from other such accounts. The best treatment is typically to do something relaxing and then 'call it an early night.'"

I smiled. "So, if I tell you all I can handle tonight is a bath, a book, and bed, you're okay with that?"

"Of course, Zoe."

"You could join me for the bath part," I flirted, expecting him to decline.

"Another night, I would like to share your bath with you. For tonight, I believe it would be more beneficial to leave you to soak in piece."

"Well, if you want to shower first, I'll give you your space…"

"There is no need." As in our quarters on the ship the bathtub and shower were separate units. "Fill your tub, dearest, and I will shower while you are in the bath."

He was finished long before I was ready to drain my bath. He leaned down to kiss me after he was dressed again, in civilian clothes. "We need to get you some sweats or lounge pants," I observed. "Are you going to the workroom?"

"For a few hours. If you decide you want tea before you retire for the evening, let me know, and I will join you."

"Thanks, I'll do that."

Data left our room and I soaked for another twenty minutes before deciding I was done with my bath. I changed to one of his long-since-appropriated Starfleet Academy t-shirts, noting that it was starting to fade. Maybe I could snag some of his basic black uniform tees. They, too, began to fade over time, and I liked the way faded black looked against my own skin… I wondered if my partner would find it aesthetically pleasing. I knew he liked it when I 'stole' his clothes.

(=A=)

Stardate 46595.84

(Wednesday, 6 August 2369, 11:34 AM, local time)

Terlina III

Monday afternoon and Tuesday had been spent mostly in and around the house, but by Wednesday I was stir-crazy, even though the lagoon – it was definitely a lagoon, rather than a lake, with salt water, and a slight current – had been deemed swimmable, and I'd taken advantage of it twice on Tuesday and once at dawn. Starting the day with a swim was a luxury I hadn't had since my last visit to Centaurus, and I was grateful to reclaim my mermaid tail, as it were.

Data, of course, declined to join me, but I could tell he was considering bringing his easel out to the patio, as he had in his dream. It was only a matter of time before he caved. Natural light was something no artist would miss out on, after all.

While we could have used the yacht to map the entire planet, the amount of tree cover made it a challenge, even for someone with my partner's skills. We knew the lagoon connected to an ocean on the opposite side of the ridge – really a barrier island – that blocked access to open water, and another day (I was promised) we would explore in that direction, but Data had set the day's plan based on a note in Dr. Soong's papers, and he'd asked me to accept a surprise.

He'd packed water, a lunch, and a few other things I hadn't bothered to identify – likely a first-aid kit – into a pack and suggested I wear layered clothing that covered as much of my skin as possible. "I do not believe the plants here are toxic, but a scratch could still be extremely irritating," he pointed out.

So, I'd worn jeans and boots – proper hiking boots, not my purple combat boots – and a cotton shirt over a tank top, twisted my hair into a single braid, grabbed a pair of sunglasses, and let him lead our expedition.

"Okay, there's a problem with hiking in undeveloped jungles that they don't show on vids," I grumbled about three hours into our trek.

"What is that?" Data asked. He'd been patient with me, choosing our direction, but allowing me to set our pace, and I'd tried to trust that there was some sort of destination in mind.

"Well, you've been reminding me to drink water…" I began.

"Staying hydrated is important when engaging in physical activity," he responded.

"Yes, but all that water has to… go… somewhere."

"Zoe?"

"I have to pee."

"Ah."

"Is it going to freak you out if we pause a moment, so I can pick a tree?"

"I do not 'freak out,'" he reminded me, sounding ever-so-slightly miffed that I might suggest such a thing. He indicated a tree with a large trunk. "I would suggest that one."

"Are you sure I don't have to worry about snakes or rats?"

"I am certain, but if you wish, I will 'humor you' and scan the immediate area."

"Do that."

The nice thing about Data was that even when I totally deserved it, he would never roll his eyes at me.

"It is clear. I will wait three meters in that direction." He gestured in the direction he meant, and I had to laugh. "What is funny?" he asked.

"You are. Even in the middle of jungle, you're still a prude." I stepped behind the tree. "And I love you for it."

When you grow up at the beach you become accustomed to things like having your friends shield you with a towel while you change in the middle of a parking lot or take a leak in the sand dunes when you can't hold it anymore and don't want to trek two or three kilometers back to the public restrooms. Translation: I wasn't squeamish or fussy about using that tree as my own port-a-potty, and I knew how to do so without being messy. A couple of minutes after Data had walked away, I caught up with him.

"Didja miss me?" I teased.

He chose not to answer my question. Instead he pointed slightly northeast (I think) and said, "We are approximately forty minutes from our destination."

"So, there is an actual destination?"

"As I said, I have a surprise planned. I believe you will enjoy it."

"Is this the part where you tell me if I keep being snotty, you're going to make me carry that pack on the way home?"

"No. It is the part where I observe that for a civilian who is unused to long hikes you are keeping up well, and I recognize that any grumbling you have done has been for comedic effect."

"I'll stop if you like. We could just talk instead."

"You do not have to change your mode of interaction to please me, Zoe."

"It's not changing to please you, Data; it's adapting. You adapt for me, don't you?"

"At times," he admitted. "But I do not mind."

"But I do. It's part of being in a relationship, Data. And it's unfair for you to be the only one doing it. So, if I get too snarky, you could just ask me to tone it down."

"I enjoy your snark. Your use of language is refreshing and unique."

I grinned at his back. "Well, when it comes to 'refreshing and unique' you're not so bad yourself. Monday evening on the beach was…" I softened my tone a little. "You don't initiate very often. Sex, I mean. You've never turned me down when I've wanted to, but even before you started feeling actual desire, it was rare for you to be the one to start."

He froze in his tracks. "I am never certain whether I am being too… "

I moved so I was beside him instead of behind and slipped my hand into his. "I like it when you do," I said, interrupting him. "I used to worry that you only participated in sex because you know I enjoy it."

"That has never been the only reason, Zoe."

"I know. I've known that for a while. And you should know that while I like sex with you, I don't expect it; it's not a requirement of our relationship. I don't think… we never really talked about that. Or about being exclusive. We just… we seem to fit so well, that maybe we didn't clarify things we should have."

I'm not sure what I expected him to say. When he did respond he surprised me. "I do not initiate our sexual intimacy because I do not want you to ever feel forced or coerced. You may be aware of how to deactivate me, but I would not allow it if I knew you were attempting it, and there is literally no way you could overpower me."

I squeezed his hand. "I forget sometimes," I said, noticing that he was moving vines out of the way as we walked, holding them so they wouldn't hit me.

"Forget what?"

"That you have to actually think about it… how much force you can thrust which when we make love, how much pressure you can use when you tweak my nipples or kiss me." I looked down at our clasped hands. "Or even just hold my hand. I mean. You don't let it show. You probably have a gazillion other things taking equal space in your brain. I mean… I forget you have to."

"It is not quite a gazillion things, Zoe. There is a limit to how much I can do at one time without sacrificing the integrity of my processing, and please be assured that when we are together, you are always at the forefront of -" He stopped, because I was laughing. "I do not understand what is funny."

"Data… Do you really think you're the only one who has other stuff going on in their head? Really? I mean… you have more going on, and it's probably a lot more sophisticated, but trust me, most humans have other thoughts buzzing in the back of our heads, too. Like, I need to remember to confirm my orientation assignment, and my dorm assignment should be available in a week, and I can't wait for you to see me in the dress I bought for Bruce's wedding…" I changed my tone, "But I also can't wait for you to see me out of the dress."

"Then, it does not offend you?"

"When we're having sex, am I in a position of priority?"

"Of course, Zoe."

"And, if I ever needed you to stop doing something and give me more attention, you would, right?"

"Of course."

"And, back to sex, if I didn't like something you were doing, or truly wasn't in the mood, you'd respect that, right?"

"Of course, but…"

"No, let me finish. Look. Consent is important, and it goes both ways, but Data, I love you. And I trust you. And I love it when we're physically – sexually – intimate, just like I love it when we're just sitting on the couch together, or I'm on the couch and you're working. It's all… It's all just us. Though, I do seem to recall giving you carte blanche. So, please don't worry about me feeling forced because when it comes to me and you, I don't think that's possible. But… I do have another question."

He pulled more vines out of our path, "Please. Ask."

"Is it… I don't know how to ask this without being awkward. Is your concern that I not feel forced the reason you have to consciously trigger your orgasms? Is it related to why, after all this time, you always ask to be sure I want intercourse?"

"No."

I stopped walking. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked."

"Yes, you should. We have established that you have both a need and a right to understand how I function, Zoe. I am simply unaccustomed to answering such frank questions."

"I could wait until we're home?" I offered lamely.

"That is not necessary."

"Well, as long as the response doesn't involve you removing your penis and showing me the servos inside, nothing about this will squick me, so…" I realized I was snarking again and made an effort to change my tone. "… I'd really like to know. I mean… assuming you know. You didn't know you could dream until you did it. It's pretty obvious that Dr. Soong didn't have the forethought to include a ReadMe file among your programming with information on… stuff."

"Unfortunately, I have no such resource, though I confess, there are times I wish I had." We continued on our way. "I ask you before intercourse because that is a compulsion of my programming, though there was room for some modification."

"Like, sometimes you ask nonverbally."

"Yes."

"And sometimes you accept my nonverbal answers."

"That is also correct."

"And the other… the triggering. Is that also a compulsion?"

"It is."

"And you don't know the cau - " I stopped speaking and dropped his hand. Because I knew. I knew. And it was awful. "Data, Lore was constructed before you, right?"

"That is correct. At some point he was deemed to be unstable and our father deactivated, and subsequently dismantled him, until the Enterprise found him, and I had him reassembled."

"I think I'm going to be sick."

Data let the vine he was holding hit him in the face. Then he turned toward me, alarm evident in every line of his face and body. "Zoe? Did you encounter something? Have I misidentified something toxic?" He whipped out his tricorder before I could stop him.

"No!" I said, a bit more emphatically than I meant to. "No," I repeated trying to keep my tone calm. "It's not that kind of sick." I indicated that we should begin walking again, and he complied. After a few minutes, I began again. "Data… when we… when we start to get amorous, do you have to…" I had to know if he had to consciously get hard, but I didn't want to ask so coarsely. "Do you have to trigger your erections… do you have to know I'm willing before that happens?"

"Yes," he said, and I could almost see the gears spinning inside his head, as he began to put together, methodically (albeit at android speed) what I had intuited. "I do not understand, Zoe… " and then his face changed, and I could see that he'd connected the dots, too.

"The compulsions in my programming are to prevent me from being able to commit rape," he stated flatly.

"Lore… Lore didn't have any problem raping me. I mean… I saw it shatter him when Phil shattered but…"

"But the fact that he never required permission means that he was not designed with the same… failsafes."

"But you were, Data Which means I wasn't the first. Which means Dr. Soong knew. He knew what Lore was truly capable of." I couldn't help it: my stomach was heaving. I leaned over and retched into the greenery we'd been walking through. "I'm sorry," I said, wiping my mouth on my sleeve."

My partner handed me the container of water I'd been sipping from all day. I took a swig, swished it around and spit it out. "You have nothing to apologize for."

"Tell me I'm wrong?" I asked him. I wasn't pleading. Not quite.

But his eyes were doing the birdlike flicker - the one I saw less and less frequently – that meant he was conducting an internal search for information. Quietly, he said. "I do not believe you are incorrect."

"If you want to skip the picnic…"

"That will not be necessary, Zoe. In any case we have arrived. Look."

He turned slightly left, and I saw that we were just a few meters away from a broad, flat, rock overlooking a body of water that screamed 'swimming hole' to me. Half the rock was in sunshine; the other half shaded by a tall tree, with several vines hanging from its branches.

"This? You wanted me to see this?"

"Yes."

"This is awesome."

"I hoped it would please you. Are you ready for lunch?"

Despite my earlier nausea, I realized I was hungry. "Even if I wasn't, I wouldn't miss the opportunity to see you sit on the ground."

"I have done so before."

"Not while I was around. On Centaurus, you had a beach chair. When we do outdoor stuff on the holodeck, there are typically benches."

"Have you forgotten our date to the concert in the park?"

"I'm not sure a holodeck picnic counts," I hedged. "And even if it does, it's sunny. I love seeing you in actual sunshine. I could do without the humidity, but, it's a jungle. Jungles are supposed to be hot and sticky."

While I'd been talking, Data had been removing things from his pack: a blanket, another container of water, containers that held food and packets of utensils. He spread the blanket under the tree and arranged the food, then invited me to join him. As always, he was just a little bit stiff when lowering himself to the ground, but once seated, he seemed completely at ease, if the sight of him lounging under a tree was slightly incongruous.

I took off the long-sleeved shirt I'd been wearing over my tank and stretched in the sunshine before joining him. I noticed a couple of local insects crawling along a fissure in the rock's surface, but I had already been assured they were harmless.

(=A=)

"Okay," I told him, after a few bites of the pasta salad Data had packed for our lunch, "It's official. I'm skipping school and staying here forever."

"That is an intriguing notion," he responded, discerning that I wasn't serious. "However, if I were to stay with you, I would be AWOL. And the likelihood of regular visits from me would be much higher if you were on Earth."

"There you go, being right again," I teased. But I knew what he was doing. He was trying to distract me from our earlier conversation. "Did Dr. Soong's diary happen to mention if the water here was swimmable?"

"The information I found was not a diary, Zoe. Only some maps and charts. And this place was listed as a swimming hole."

I peered over the edge of our rock. "The cliff has obvious hand-holds for getting out of the water. And I've been cliff diving before, but I think there's a better way of getting down there. You wouldn't happen to have a knife, would you?"

"There is a utility knife in the pack, yes."

"My boyfriend the boy scout."

"I have been on scouting missions," Data responded. "But as you are aware, Zoe, I was never a boy." He paused, using the time to eat some of the sliced fruit he'd packed, and then to sip some of the water. "Why do you require a knife."

"Tree branch, vines, water… you do the math."

"You wish to swing into the water on a vine?"

"A rope would be more secure, but I'm guessing that wasn't on your packing list."

"Not this time, no. However, if the tensile strength of the vines is as great as it appears, you should be safe if I create your swing from them."

"Would you?" I smiled at him. "I mean, really, would you?"

"I will, but only after you finish your lunch."

"You can be such a mother hen," I said, but I found the cheese and crackers he'd included in the picnic and ate some to make him happy.

"And you love me for it," he said, using my line from earlier in the day.

"Damn straight."

I finished eating and lounged on the blanket while Data did as he'd promised and fashioned a Tarzan swing from the vines in the trees.

When he was done, I took off my boots and stripped off my jeans and tank top. I'd worn turquoise underwear that day, so at least it wouldn't be see-through after it got wet. Not that it mattered. I had bathing suits that covered less of me, and it wasn't like he didn't see me nude on a daily basis.

Thus prepared, I watched as Data tested the strength of the swing with his own weight. If it would hold him, it would be more than safe for me.

"Care to try it for real?" I asked him.

"Thank you, but no," he said. "I will remain here in case you have difficulties climbing back up."

"Spoilsport," I accused good-naturedly.

"I would say that I am being pragmatic," he corrected.

"The end result is the same. You, here, on dry land." I squinted my eyes at him. "This conversation isn't over," I said. "I'm missing something… or you're not telling me something." I took the vine-rope from his hands and climbed high enough into the tree that I'd have good swing. Then I launched into the air, letting go over the water.

Cold! It was cold. But after our hours-long trek through the jungle, it felt so good to be cool and wet. Once I was in the water, it was clear, and I could see to the bottom. It wasn't far – maybe six meters - with a mud floor. I waved to Data and gave him a thumbs-up signal, so he'd know I was okay, then dove.

I played in the water until I started to feel cold, which was about the same amount of time it took Data to approach the cliff edge and call down to ensure I was alright.

"I'm good!" I yelled back. The handholds I'd seen when I'd looked down the cliff from above were spaced for someone closer to Data's height than mine, but I managed to climb up, and arrive, panting, on the rock where my partner was waiting. "That was exhilarating," I said.

"Do you need to rest before we start back?"

"For a little while, if that's alright?" I noticed he'd cleaned up the remains of our picnic, except for the canteen of water, which he handed to me. I drank more than I probably should have and then sealed the container and set it aside. The blanket was still spread beneath the tree, but the angle of the sun had changed: more of it was out of the shade. I sprawled on it, enjoying the warmth of the sun.

I didn't feel tired, and I hadn't planned to fall asleep, but the next thing I was aware of was Data calling my name. "Zoe… we must start for home, or we will lose the light."

I sat up. "I'm so sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to fall asleep on you. Was I out long?"

"Less than thirty minutes," he said. "But the weather is turning, and I believe we should make haste back to the house."

I started pulling my clothes back on. "Okay. Give me a minute to put myself back together."

If our walk out to the rock and the swimming hole had been leisurely, the return trip was not. Data kept a pace that was just at my limit for comfortable walking, and we made it back to the house just as a squall hit. Torrential rain arrived within seconds of the door closing behind me.

"I think if we're going to spend more time here, we should invest in a couple of all-terrain vehicles for moving about."

"That may be a wise decision. I apologize for pushing you on the way home."

"You didn't, really. If I hadn't been able to keep up, I would have told you." I looked out the glass patio doors to the rainy evening beyond. "I'm going to shower and change. Would you mind starting a fire? I'm not cold, but it will keep the dampness away."

"Gladly."

(=A=)

By the time I returned to the living room in a baggy t-shirt, sweatpants, and soft socks, the fire was burning pleasantly, and there was a pot of tea and a plate of nuts, olives, bread, and cheese waiting on the coffee table.

"Snacks. Perfect. Thank you." I brushed a kiss across Data's lips, and he held me for a minute.

"It is my turn to shower and change," he said. "I will not be long, but please do not wait if you are hungry. Lunch was intentionally light."

"Just enough energy for the walk back. I feel so spoiled, Data. Thank you."

He kissed the top of my head and disappeared into the bedroom I'd just left. I curled up on the couch and was pleasantly surprised when Spot came out of hiding to join me. I gave her head fusses and let her have a tiny bit of cheese – we tried not to give her 'people food' very often – and she nestled herself in between me and the back of the couch.

My boyfriend returned within minutes, also dressed in casual civilian clothing, carrying a book. "If there is something else you would prefer to do tonight, please tell me. Otherwise, I would like to begin the second volume in the Master and Commander series."

"I didn't even see you pack that!" I said. "Are you sure you don't mind reading it the way we did book one? I really enjoyed sharing the story that way."

"I, too, found the experience to be quite pleasant," he assured me. "Shall I begin?"

"Yes, please."

Data opened the book and began to read: "'At first dawn the swathes of rain drifting eastward across the Channel parted long enough to show that the chase had altered course. The Charwell had been in her wake most of the night, running seven knots in spite of her foul bottom, and now they were not much above a mile and a half apart. The ship ahead was turning, turning…'"

As we had done with the first book, we took turns reading a page at a time, long into the rainy night. When I got hungry, we paused so I could replicate something a little more substantial than nuts and cheese, and when I was ready for bed Data marked the page where we'd stopped.

"Do you mind if I join you in a few hours?" he asked. "I would like to spend some time in the workroom."

I grinned. "Go do your super-secret android-y things. I know where to find you if I need you."

"I am doing nothing secret, Zoe. I took only a few of Dr. Soong's belongings back to the Enterprise last year, and there is more to investigate." He paused, capturing my gaze and holding it. "Please understand that your access to the workroom is not restricted to 'if you need me.' You are welcome to explore at any time, should you choose to."

I made a wry face. "It's your space, Data…"

"No, dearest. It is our space. As is the entire house. I may be the technical owner until our relationship evolves further, but you are not a guest here, and I do not wish you to feel as if any part of this world is off-limits to you."

I knew Data wasn't adding deeper meaning to his words, but I felt the impact of them, nevertheless. I tried to imagine a future version of this house with another bedroom or two added on, and a series of cottages along the shore of the lagoon. It felt cozy. It felt… right.

"Thank you," I said. "Don't worry about waking me when you come to bed. I mean… wake me if you want to."

"I understand."

I went to bed, and Spot followed me rather than Data, which surprised me, but apparently the call of my loose hair was impossible for the orange tabby cat to resist.

(=A=)

Stardate 46616.28

(Wednesday, 13 August 2369, 10:40 PM, local time)

Terlina III

After a week and a half alone in the house I'd once referred to as "Dr. Soong's Jungle Hide-away," Data and I had fallen into a comfortable rhythm. On sunny days, we hiked as far as I was capable of going in whatever direction seemed interesting. Three times, we had to rush home in order to avoid squalls. Once we didn't make it, and we ended up taking cover beneath the wide leaves of a tall plant.

On days that started out rainy, we puttered around inside the house. I did a lot of recreational reading, sometimes hanging out with him in the workroom (we'd given up the term 'lab' almost immediately), sometimes in the library I'd claimed on our first visit to the house. We played music. Cello, violin, piano… Data finally began to teach me guitar. We had conversations about art, literature, and galactic politics, and my boyfriend told me about some of his more positive experiences at Starfleet Academy.

When the sun invariably broke through the clouds too late for a proper hike, I swam in the lagoon, while Data stayed in the workroom or painted. (He would often bring the easel out to the patio to take advantage of natural light.)

Some days, I didn't really have proper meals, but snacked as the need arose, and other days, we ate together, at the table, with wine and candlelight.

Sex punctuated it all. We had been physically intimate before we were dating. Casual touching, holding hands, chaste kisses to the cheek, but once we'd truly become lovers, sexual intimacy had become another language with which to communicate. In a place where we were literally the only two people on the planet, we were communicating quite a lot.

In the evenings, between dinner and bedtime, we moved to the living room, either reading alternate pages of the book we'd begun, or playing endless rounds of Tog. At one point, I caught Data trying to let me win, and stopped him.

"Don't throw the game because you feel bad," I said.

He didn't argue about the feeling-bad part. Instead, he said, "I have observed that when people lose games too frequently, they become disinterested in playing. I am enjoying our evenings of gameplay, and I do not wish you to stop."

"I'm enjoying this, too," I said. "We don't often play games together. Well, we play word-games, I guess, but generally I play board games with my friends, and you play poker with yours. I bought this game because I enjoyed learning how to play when I was on Winter, and I thought the element of strategy would appeal to you. I knew I could never beat you. That's not why I play."

He looked perplexed, with his brow slightly furrowed. "If you know you will not win, how can you find it an enjoyable experience?"

"Well, first and foremost, we're spending time together."

"That is true. And it is also true that we do not typically engage in this sort of activity."

"There's more, though. I'm getting closer to winning, every time we play. And I'm learning from watching you play. But even aside from that… I like watching you. You have this expression that defies description when you're analyzing the board, and your hands – your fingers – watching you place the pieces is just dead sexy."

"I believe you are biased because we are lovers," he said. "No one else has ever commented on the way I use my fingers."

"Well, no one's commented on it to you," I pointed out. "I've heard stuff. There's an entire posse of ensigns who have crushes on you."

"While that notion is flattering, it is of no matter. I am a one-woman-android, and I have found my partner in you."

"So, you agree we're exclusive, then?" I meant it as a joke. We'd never really discussed it, but exclusivity had always been implicit in our relationship.

Data took it seriously. "Do you not?" Was that surprise that tinged his voice, or concern?

"We live together," I said, reminding him of the things he always called to my attention. "We've talked about marriage and children and making this house our home base. I wouldn't be doing that if I didn't believe we were exclusive, Data. I just…"

"You wished to have confirmation."

"Yeah, something like that. I was actually mostly teasing with that question, though. I mean… Oh, forget it; it's your move."

"The game can wait, Zoe. This conversation has waited long enough and should not be delayed further. If you wish, I will make tea and we can relocate to the couch."

"Tea and conversation: ritual number one," I quipped lightly. "How will I manage without it?" I asked as I moved to follow his suggestion. "Peppermint, please," I added as I pulled an afghan off the back of the couch. We hadn't lit a fire that night, and I was chilly.

It took longer to make tea at the house on Terlina III, because we didn't typically use the replicator for little things. Rather, we had to boil water and steep the tea ourselves. But longer, in this case, was only a few minutes, and honestly, the tea tasted better when it was made by hand.

Besides, the mugs at the house were curvy ceramic and fit perfectly into the palm of my hand.

Data brought the tray with the teapot and mugs and joined me on the couch. For a long moment, we were both quiet, but it was he who broke the silence. "When we were talking on the yacht, you were correct that there were facets of our relationship that were long overdue for clarification… if exclusivity is not a concern of yours, what is?"

I took a breath and willed the tea to steep faster, so I'd have something to do with my hands. Where was that damned cat when I needed her? "I don't want anyone else, Data, and I believe you when you tell what I mean to you. But… I've seen the way women look at you, Data. I saw it before we were anything close to a couple, and I see it more now. And it's not just on the ship. L'Mura was polite about it, and she genuinely likes me, but she was really disappointed that you were off the market."

"You are exaggerating."

"I'm not. God, do you really believe I'm the only woman who finds you attractive? You dated Jenna for – "

"Jenna did not find me attractive, Zoe; she found me convenient. And after you and I were together, she saw me as someone unattainable. I regret that she and I are no longer friends, but I do not regret that our relationship did not work."

"But what if you meet someone better, while I'm gone? Someone older, more poised, established in her career… Another scientist?"

"And what if you do?"

"What?"

"You are very young, Zoe, and while I cannot catalogue all the elements of a 'typical college experience,' it is my understanding that experimentation is a common factor. I am aware it is possible that you will meet someone closer to your own age or who has aspirations for an artistic career, as you do."

"Didn't you hear me say I don't want anyone else? God, Data… do you think I haven't had offers? All that time in San Francisco, all that time on tour… even on Winter… I get asked out all the time. And I always say no, because I love you. I've been in love with you since I was sixteen, and every day that feeling only gets stronger. We talk about marriage and children, and what the future will be like for us, and I want it. I want that life with you. I want it so badly I can taste it."

"And yet you have stated you are not yet ready for our next step together." His cool rationality was like ice water. Or a knife. He let his statement hang between us for a moment, but then the he changed tacks. With warmth and gentleness, he asked, "Will you tell me why?"

"I thought it was because I was afraid of all the time we'll have to spend apart, but I'm not afraid of that anymore, because we've already done separation. We've mastered that etude. I know we'll write, and comm, and visit each other whenever we can. And I know it won't be the same, but it will make the missing and the longing… less."

"Then what is it?"

"I already said it. I worry you'll find someone… better. I'm not saying I think you'll go looking, but you weren't exactly looking for me, either."

"There is no chance of finding someone better, Zoe. As I have stated, I have found my partner in you, the woman who touches me and teases me and may nudge me to alter my wardrobe, but never asks me to change who I am. You are… you are hard-wired into my neural net. There is no amount of code that could cause your erasure. You are part of me."

"I'm afraid of disappointing you," I confessed. "I'm afraid I'm going to school for the wrong reasons… that I'm doing it to prove I can succeed academically. I worry I'll be sacrificing my career for some misguided attempt to be your equal."

Data paused the conversation long enough to pour the tea that had finally steeped. Once I had a mug in my hand, he said in a quiet but firm voice. "You are already my equal."

"But I'm not. I'm too young and under-educated and too dependent."

"I disagree."

"And I don't want to hold you back… I don't want the fact that I can't hold up my end of the conversation at social functions to hurt your career. I don't want your options to be limited because people see me as a vapid child-bride."

"You are not a child, Zoe. You have not been a child for many years, despite your youth. You have handled yourself ably in many situations, social and not, since we have been together. You charmed my colleagues when you met them on Hamal IV, you have formed your own relationships with my friends and colleagues on the Enterprise, and if you believe anything about our relationship is holding me back you are mistaken."

I breathed in the strong peppermint aroma of my tea, and let its essence filter through my body, and then I took a sip. The warming liquid was a balm of sorts. It calmed my mood and helped clarify my thoughts.

"You really don't see me as unequal?"

"I sincerely do not. We are different in many ways, Zoe, and that means we each bring our own strengths and weaknesses to this relationship."

"I don't hold you back?"

"You do not. In fact, our partnership has caused people to see me as both more reliable and more relatable."

"You mentioned the typical college experience, earlier, but Data, I closed the door on being a typical anything the moment we became a couple. Just like I closed to the door on being a typical high school student."

"In that, I do not disagree," he said. "But I do not believe you would be destined to lead a typical life even if we were not together."

I nodded and sipped more tea. As much as I'd dreaded this conversation, it had helped. Data's point-by-point rebuttal of each of my worries had shown me where I had erred in my thinking, and I was already feeling more confident in our future together, when I realized there was one more thing: "You can't stay in a dorm." I blurted the words.

"As far as I am aware, Yale does not have rules about overnight guests. I have read the student handbook."

Of course, he'd read the handbook. "No, there are no rules, but, you're the second officer of the flagship. You can't stay over in a dorm. It's all kinds of weird."

"Are there hotels in New Haven?"

"Of course, but… "

"Then I fail to see a problem. In any case, you are only required to reside in a dormitory for your first year. After that, we will look for an apartment that is acceptable to both of us. Zoe, I love you. I am devoted to you. I want your time at university to be a positive experience for you, but I believe you must accept that you are not merely Zoe Harris, student and actress, any longer. Rather, you are Zoe Lauren Harris, student, actress, musician, protocol intern, SOAR member, and life-mate of the only sentient android in Starfleet."

The Hamalki word is what finally got to me. The word, the man staring at me through warm yellow eyes, even the tea he'd made because he knew I needed it.

"The future that we treated as a distant goal… we're already living it aren't we?" I asked. "We're just… we were so committed so quickly – "

"Do you feel that we have moved too fast?"

I thought about it before I responded, and . "No. No, I don't. We've moved at the pace that was right for us. But my point is, we're already living our future – our present. Home is where you are, whether it's here or on the Enterprise, or in some as-yet-unchosen apartment on Earth. We're already sharing a life and defining how that life will grow and change. I've been acting as if we're waiting for some nebulous future date when our life together will start, but it already has."

"Indubitably," he said, and the word made me smile. "But I believe there is still something more troubling you."

I hesitated. "I'm a little worried… I'm a little afraid I'll let myself – my own dreams – be overshadowed by the reality of being your partner."

Data seemed to honestly not understand that fear. "Please elaborate?"

"It's what we talked about when I decided to join SOAR and start becoming more aware of the details of your job. You can promise all day long that you don't expect me to take any role I don't want, but the expectation is still there. You're a very visible officer, and when I am on the ship with you…"

"… it is expected that you are visible and accessible as well."

"Yes. And like I said, I do want to support you and your career, but I'm not sure I know how to do that without losing myself. I said last year that I needed more time in rank; I think I need to ask for that again. I need time to find my footing at school, figure out how to balance being a university student and an officer's partner. Your partner."

"An adjustment period is a reasonable request, Zoe. But I cannot help but notice you have only spoken of my career. There will come a time when we will be balancing both our careers. I, too, wish to support you in your endeavors. Your dreams and goals are not secondary to my career, but of equal importance."

I stared at him, letting his words penetrate my brain and my heart. "God, Data, you really mean that, don't you?"

"Dearest, I would be a poor partner if I did not."

I wasn't sure how to respond to that. I sipped some tea, then fiddled with my mug for a bit. Finally, I looked him in the eyes and said, "One semester."

"Zoe?"

"I want you to give me one semester to prove to myself that I can handle school and not… not lose us. One semester to figure out how to be a student again and still be an adult. After that… after that I'll be ready."

"If that is truly the case, I will embrace it, Zoe. And if it is not, I will, again, help you determine why."

Not for the first time, I asked, "What did I do to deserve you?

Data's lips curled slightly upward. "It is not about 'deserving,' my beloved. It is about fitting and belonging. We fit. We belong."

I stared at him for a long moment, letting a slow smile spread across my face. Then I moved toward the center of the couch to cuddle him, and he did the same. I let the silence rest between us for a while, but something he'd said on our first night came to the front of my brain. "So," I asked nonchalantly. "Cottages?"

We spent the remaining time until bed planning the future expansion of our private paradise.

(=A=)

Stardate 46625.34

(Sunday, 17 August 2369, 6:03 AM, local time)

Terlina III

The sun was barely up, but the heat from the previous day hadn't broken overnight, and I'd woken up hot and sticky to find Data in the midst of using his dream program. He'd enabled it a few times during our stay, and we were still playing with parameters of how responsive he would be during his 'sleep' periods, though I think we'd reached a happy medium, where he was comfortable with the level of physical response he could give, and I didn't feel like I was sharing a bed with a corpse.

"Keep dreaming," I'd told him, as I extricated myself from his loose embrace. "I'm going for a swim." I'd kissed him on the forehead and left our bed, still wearing the t-shirt I'd gone to sleep in. I was so desperate to be submerged in cool water that while I grabbed a towel, I didn't bother changing to a bathing suit, just slid my feet into flip-flops and walked down to the shore.

I dropped the towel on the ground, stepped out of my shoes, peeled off the t-shirt, and entered the water naked. It was a little colder than I would have liked but being in my own element made me feel so light, so free, that I didn't care. Besides, there was something magical about cutting through the water, my arms and legs propelling me with sure strokes and long kicks. Swimming wasn't as intense as surfing, but it was still a natural high for me.

I looked at the ridge that formed the far end of the lagoon, the ridge that was really a large sandbar, and I wished for a surfboard. There was an ocean within walking distance, and I was ill-prepared for maximum fun.

I felt it – the sensation of being watched – rather than heard it when Data came out to the patio. I did a flip-turn under the water and resurfaced to swim toward shore. My partner had set up his easel on the beach, near where I'd left my clothes.

"Morning, sleepy-head!" I called, enjoying the rare opportunity to tease him. "Did you have good dreams?"

Data paused in his painting. "I dreamed I was the raven again. I landed on a branch with a white dove. I am not certain, but I suspect that was meant to be you."

"Better a dove than a pigeon, I guess," I observed. "Sorry for leaving you, but the water was calling."

"I am well aware that I have committed myself to a mermaid. Are you ready to trade your watery domain for dry land or would you prefer to continue swimming?"

"Depends. Do I get to see what you're painting?"

"When I am finished, of course."

I let my feet come to rest on the bottom of the lagoon. I was close enough to shore that the water was only waist deep, which meant Data got a clear view of me, topless, with water droplets drying on my skin.

"I did not realize you were nude."

"Skinny dipping first thing in the morning isn't something I get to do very often," I pointed out. "Actually, it's not something I get to do very often at any time of day. There's something really freeing about being in the water this way." I took a few steps backward into deeper water, and my breasts floated upward. "Well… that part's kind of annoying."

He tilted is head slightly. "Indeed." But after a beat he called my name, and added, "would you do something for me?"

"Anything."

"Would you come closer again, and remove the elastic holding back your hair?"

Even when skinny dipping, I always pulled my hair back. I hated it being in my face. "Sure," I said. I pulled off the hair elastic and put it on my wrist for safekeeping. Then I ran my fingers through my hair to break up the ponytail, going as far as ducking under the water and moving my head back and forth. Then I moved back toward shore. "How close do you want me to come?"

"Four more steps," Data said. That left the water hovering around my hips, which was fine, except that out of the water, in the morning breeze, I was getting chilly. "Yes…" Data said. "That is it."

"Have I mentioned lately that I'm really glad you don't need me to hold poses."

"You have not."

"Mmm. Remind me to do that, then. Am I free to move?"

"Yes, Zoe. Thank you."

I walked the rest of the way out of the water and wrapped myself in my towel. "I'm getting cold," I said, responding to Data's unasked question. "I'm going to shower and get dressed and figure out breakfast." I slipped my feet back into my shoes and picked up my cast-off t-shirt. "Can we skip the hike today and stay home?"

He was painting again, but he still answered my question. "Of course, Zoe, if that is what you wish. Is there a particular reason?"

"Only that it's our last Sunday here. Tomorrow, we pack. Tuesday, we leave. I really want a quiet day. I like just being at home with you. I know that sounds pathetic, but it's true, and it's the thing I'm going to miss most when I'm at school."

"I will miss our 'quiet days' as well," he said. "Go shower and change. You are shivering."

"I want to see those paintings the second they're done!" I told him. But I dashed back up to the house before he could answer.

(=A=)

Data was still painting when I returned to the main section of the house, and I stood inside the glass doors for a few minutes just watching him. I loved it when he was focused on a project, the way every movement was purposeful. To me, though, his behavior when painting proved to me that he did have emotions of his own, because his face was expressive and reactive. When he was in his groove, the tiniest hint of a smile would play at the corners of his mouth, and when whatever he saw in his head wasn't translating to the canvas as he wished it to, his brows would furrow, and he would lower his chin.

I almost wanted a camera, so I could capture my own personal version of the Artist at Work.

I moved away from the doors, had the entertainment system play some cheerful music - a light jazz piece written for cello, piano, and flute – and went to the kitchen to put together breakfast: coffee, obviously, fruit, and a bagel with cream cheese, all from the stasis units rather than the replicator.

Idly, I wondered if the soil on Terlina III would support a kitchen garden. Terraformed worlds sometimes differed in chemistry, and then, the only pollinators were the introduced insects. There were no birds or bats, and even the ocean only held the smallest of micro-organisms.

I made a mental note to ask Data about it later and sat down at the big table in the dining area to eat and read.

So absorbed had I become in my book, that I didn't realize Data had finished his artwork, or that the morning light had shifted to early afternoon. It was only when I realized that my music had long-since ended that I stirred from my position, set my padd aside, and left the table. I wanted to go find Data immediately, but I made myself take care of my dishes, first.

Then I went to the place he was most likely to be: the workroom.

(=A=)

He was standing on the upper level of the space, staring at the wall-sized display of his (well, I assumed they were his) schematics.

"Find what you're looking for?" I asked lightly.

"I believe so," he said. "I have been analyzing the circuits that are responsible for my ability to dream. It would seem that Dr. Soong's original design had required sleep periods built into the programming."

"Actual sleep?"

"Analogous to sleep," he corrected. "An enforced downtime meant to be used for diagnostic and repair protocols."

"Indexing your files," I teased, referring to something I'd said to a boy named Timothy who had latched onto Data after a traumatic experience.

"In a manner of speaking," he agreed.

"Is it weird for you, looking and specs and schematics the way we humans would look at med-scans? Seeing your own insides?"

"It is not weird, Zoe. It is simply a fact of what I am."

"While you've been in here… did you do any research into your sexuality programming?"

"You wish to know if I have found a way to override the need to trigger certain of my responses?"

"Well, yeah."

"I have not looked. I am comfortable with what I am, Zoe. I understand the reasoning for my father's programming decisions."

"Well, it makes me mad," I said. "The way your father compensated for Lore's instability and criminal behavior by crippling you."

"'Crippling' is an exaggeration."

"Is it, Data? Is it really? Lore's crazy so you don't get fully developed emotions. Lore's a rapist so you have restrictions placed on your own sexuality. I understand it. I mean, from his point of view those changes to your programming were the responsible thing to do. But it seems to me that instead of altering code he might have tried actually being a parent to you. You deserved better."

"I tried to be better with Lal," Data said softly. "I allowed her make her own mistakes and attempted to provide guidance."

I touched his shoulder, then slipped my arm around his waist. "I know. From everything I've heard, and all the video you showed me, you were an amazing father." Data wrapped his arm around my shoulders and kissed the top of my head, nuzzling my hair for a moment. "I wish I'd met her. I wish I were older and done with college and ready to start a family with you. I wish…." I'd said all these things to Counselor Troi at various times, but I'd never been so explicit about them with him.

"I know," Data said, "that all of those things will come in time. There is no need to push, Zoe. I am ready for one step, but the others… I am not quite ready for those."

"Are you afraid the same thing will happen to another android child?" I didn't know how else to ask, but bluntly.

"I would not call it fear, but I have that concern, yes. It would be wrong to bring another life into the world just to watch it die."

"Can I ask you something about Lal?"

"You may ask me anything, Zoe."

"This is… this is personal. A different kind of personal."

"Ask me."

"Okay… Counselor Troi said that you basically duplicated your own neural net when you created Lal. And your own basic programming. Is that correct?"

"Essentially, yes."

"I want you to understand… I'm not asking this because I think there's anything wrong with you, or because I want you to be any different than who you are. I mean, I think it's fantastic that you can tell me you love me. I think it's awesome that you can experience desire. But if neither of those things had ever happened, I would still be standing here with you. I just can't help but wonder: if Lal was a copy of you, and she developed emotions, doesn't that mean that you already have emotions of your own?"

"I do not understand," Data said, and for the first time, I was certain he was being less than honest with me. Or maybe he was being less than honest with himself.

"I just… watching you paint earlier, you were so expressive, reacting to your own art. You weren't interacting with another person. There was no need to pretend – and don't tell me that you don't pretend sometimes. I know you do. I know the difference between your real reactions and your 'I am doing this because it is polite and expected' reactions by now." I took a beat and reminded him, lightening my tone. "Insatiable curiosity is one of the things we have in common, remember?"

"You believe I have suppressed any inherent emotions I might have." He made it a statement.

"I believe it's a possibility. Look, we both know I'm no cyberneticist, and I only know psychology from being under the care of mental health professionals for years, but… I read stuff, and I pay attention, usually, and I know that – for example – kids who are told they're stupid or worthless start to act as if they are."

"Go on."

"I know you had a rough time at the Academy. I know you had to prove your own sentience just to get in. You haven't told me a lot about the time between when the officers from the Trieste found you on Omicron Theta and finally being accepted to Starfleet Academy, but I don't imagine that you were treated very well."

"For the first year and a half, I was treated as an object of curiosity and something to be experimented on. After I met Commander McInerny conditions improved somewhat, but I was not treated as a person, or, indeed, as a life form of any kind. It was very clear, in the beginning, that I was 'just a machine.'"

"Which isn't true," I said.

"Thank you, Zoe. It took me… it took a significant amount of time to develop enough confidence in myself, and in my programming, to demand better treatment."

"A lesser person would have given up."

"I nearly did," Data said.

"What?"

"More than once I considered de-activating myself. More than once I considered that life as a service 'droid might not be 'so bad.'"

"But something in you couldn't accept it, right?"

"That is correct."

"So, if you couldn't accept that you were just a thing, why accept that you don't have emotions?"

"Perhaps because I had no one to model for me what android emotions might… feel like."

"I'm sorry, love. I'm really not trying to push."

"You are not. You are asking legitimate questions. I am simply unable to provide satisfying answers for either of us. Perhaps continued dreaming will help me find those answers. Perhaps I merely needed the appropriate catalyst."

"You mean me?"

"I mean our relationship, Zoe."

"Still…."

"Does it distress you to know that the growth of my neural net began accelerating when I met you, and increased again when our friendship turned to romance, and then to a committed partnership?"

"'Distress' isn't really the right word," I said. Breathe, Zoe. Breathe. "It's just… I'm not sure I can handle that kind of responsibility. Geordi said the kind of cascade failure Lal experienced can't happen to you, but what if it does, Data? You're telling me it would be my fault."

"No. I am merely telling you what you already know: that our relationship has given me the 'space' to explore and analyze where programming and… feeling… intersect."

We were still holding each other, still standing in front of the wall-sized screen with his schematics. "Sometimes," I said, "it's easier not understanding. Sometimes, it's easier to just treat you as this really sexy guy who happens to have gold skin." I took a breath. "But just because it's easier doesn't mean it's right. You are who you are and what you are, and I love all the parts that make you you. It just… sometimes I need a bit of time to catch up."

"When it comes to your varying emotional states, Zoe, I often need time to 'catch up,' as well."

I rested my head against his shoulder. "I guess we catch up together, and help each other with the rest, then."

Data turned his head to nuzzle my hair, and then place a kiss on top of my head. "Indubitably."

(=A=)

It wasn't until after dinner that night that I finally saw the finished artwork Data had done during my morning swim. The first, the one he'd started before I'd entirely realized he was outside with me, was of me floating on the surface of the water. He'd caught the sunlight on my breasts and obscured the fact that I wasn't wearing anything with well-placed shadows.

The second was the one I jokingly called "Aphrodite Rising," because it was the one of me stepping toward shore with the water just at my hips, and my hair loose.

"These are really good," I said, staring at them. On one level, it was weird to see myself painted nude, but on another level. "You really should show them. This isn't me being an exhibitionist. I'm comfortable in just skin when it's just us, but…"

"I understand."

"But you won't show them. Why not? These aren't your usual 'processing' paintings. And it's not like you need them to remember the moment… you have it all in that marvelous brain of yours. Data these… These are deliberate art."

"If I were to show them on the ship, you would have to deal with members of the crew looking at you differently. If I were to show them elsewhere, it could be detrimental to your future career or reputation."

I rolled my eyes at him. "It's not like they're centerfolds in a tits and ass 'zine, Data." I took a deep breath and changed tacks. "Why paint them at all?"

"Because while you are correct that I have the memories indelibly stored within my memory engrams, these are a tangible representation of the woman I love. These are an encapsulation of this trip, and our time spent here. And they will help me miss you… less."

"Like me with your uniform jacket and my hoard of t-shirts."

"Yes."

"You always manage to surprise me," I told him. "I wish I could surprise you, once in a while."

"You have," he said. "And you do. Often."

"Oh?"

"Yes."

I could have pressed for details, but I chose to kiss him instead.

(=A=)

Stardate 46629.75

(Monday, 18 August 2369, 8:37 PM local time)

Terlina III

Our last full day on Terlina III had begun with a violent thunderstorm. We didn't lose power as we had a year before during a similar storm, but the lightning was close enough that I could taste the ozone.

We had breakfast inside and watched the sky and water merge during the heaviest periods of rain, and after we finished our meal, we spend the rest of the morning packing. By mid-afternoon, the skies had cleared, and the humidity had dropped to a level that I was willing to cope with. I was about to suggest a last walk around the lagoon, but Data came to the kitchen while I was blending a protein shake for lunch.

"When you have finished your… beverage… would you come for a walk with me? There is something I would like to show you."

"Sure," I said. "Should I change to hiking gear?" I was wearing a tank top, shorts, and the kind of sandals that were appropriate for a slightly damp walk, but not for a proper trek through the jungle.

"That will be unnecessary," Data said. "We are not going far."

I drained my glass, put it in with the other dirty dishes (we'd run the recycler before bed) and went to use the bathroom before we left the house. When I returned, Data was waiting near the front door – the entrance we hadn't used since our arrival, and he was carrying a large boulder in a net bag.

"Where are we going?" I asked, "and what's with the rock."

"You will see."

Outside, Data captured my hand with his free one, and led me down a faint trail through the more manicured trees that surrounded the leeward side of the house. He was right; it wasn't a long walk. After about fifteen minutes, our trail ended in a clearing where a section of the ground had been cleared, and part of the earth had trimmed grass. It took me a minute or two, but realization sunk in.

"This is your father's grave."

"Yes."

"Data, you didn't have to wait for our last day here to visit it."

"I did not, intentionally. It did not occur to me to come until our conversation, yesterday."

"Would you mind elaborating?"

"You said that the modifications my father made to my program crippled me. Your opinion is not invalid. From your perspective, it likely seems that way. But given time to consider your points, and the reality of my programming, I have decided that those modifications are also a gift. The requirement that I consciously trigger my erections and climaxes, Zoe, and cannot do either with a partner who is unwilling, does not only prevent me from committing rape. It prevents anyone from using me against my will. It is a guarantee that I will never be a…"

"… a walking dildo." I finished for him. "Sorry, that was crude."

"But not inaccurate."

"And the emotions?"

"I believe you may be correct that I possess emotions of my own. Since our discussion, I have theorized that I was not intended to 'discover' them until I my neural net was developed enough – stable enough – that cascade failure could not happen."

"And your catalyst theory?"

"I still believe that our relationship, Zoe, your acceptance of who and what I am, and your willingness to give me access to who and what you are, are key factors in reaching this level of growth."

"This better not be your way of telling me you don't need me anymore," I teased gently.

"I will always need you, Zoe, because you are not only the woman who taught me to love, but the woman I love with my entire being."

Tears filled my eyes. He'd said as much before, but the setting and the context made all the difference. "I love you, too, you know."

He lifted our clasped hands and pressed a kiss to my knuckles. "I know. More… I believe I truly understand." He released my hand. "I did not mark my father's grave when we buried him. And when we came last year, while I visited it, I came alone. It seems fitting to mark it now, while you are here."

He set the boulder down at the 'head of the grave, and for the first time, I realized that the stone was flat on top, and that Data was wearing his holster, with his phaser in it. "I thought you brought that for protection," I said.

"I did. However, it is also the best tool for my current purpose." He aimed the weapon at the boulder's smooth surface. "You may wish to stand back," he advised.

I moved away, and Data used the phaser to engrave the boulder with Dr. Soong's full name and the years of his birth and death. There was no room for any other inscription. There was no need for one, either.

I let Data spend a private moment, but before we left, I found a stone of my own – a small one – and placed it on the headstone he'd created. It wasn't my faith tradition to do that, but there was a part of me that suspected Dr. Soong would have appreciated it.

Hand in hand, we walked back to the house.

(=A=)

The rest of the day was quiet, but busy. We did laundry, we disposed of food leftovers that weren't worth returning to stasis. We packed – in fact Data packed everything but what we'd need the next day into the ship to save time in the morning.

Finally, we were finished. We shared quiche and a salad for dinner, and I went to take a bath.

I was just stepping into the tub when Data appeared in the bathroom, wearing a robe. "Would it be acceptable if I joined you this evening?" he asked.

"I'd love it," I told him. I got myself settled in the wide tub, and he stepped in behind me, lowering himself into the water with his legs outside mine. "I thought you were afraid of water," I said, as I leaned back against his chest.

"It is not fear, but caution."

"I'm sensing there's a story there."

Data reached for my bath sponge, dipping it into the water, squeezing it out several times in the water to ensure it would be warm and then squeezing it over my chest. "Two summers ago, while you were at your music program – "

"Before we were dating."

"That is correct. We visited a colony to check that everyone there was well, and that the colony's growth was on its projected track. While we were there, Geordi met a young woman, and the three of us went sailing on a local inland sea that the colonists had named Devala Lake."

"Sailing with Geordi and a woman he was into? Wasn't that all kinds of awkward."

"Many things about that trip were… awkward. During our sailing trip, Geordi and Lianna began to become… amorous."

"And since you were stuck on a sailboat, you couldn't really get out of the way?"

"Precisely." He drizzled more warm water over the parts of me that were exposed to the air and I shivered.

"So, what did you do?"

"I calculated the distance to shore and chose to 'swim for it.'"

"Why do I think that didn't go well?"

"Because it did not. I was not designed to float, and I underestimated the rate at which saltwater would cause adverse effects. Had the distance been shorter, or Devala Lake a salinity level closer to that of Earth's oceans, there would have been no problem, but the greater amount of salt affected my skin, and I flooded my internal mechanisms. Rather than swimming, I had to walk the distance to shore on the bottom of the sea. It took thirteen-point-seven-six-three days to drain all the water from my systems."

"And you've had an aversion to being submersed ever since?"

"In a manner of speaking."

"But you're here with me in the bath."

"An event that typically lasts forty minutes or fewer."

"Mmm. Fair point. But… why didn't you tell me this when we were on Centaurus? I dragged you to the beach, Data. I made you watch me surf."

"I would not have missed the opportunity to witness my mermaid in her element."

"Your mermaid?"

"My Zoe."

I closed my eyes and let myself just be in the moment. Warm water. Warm android. Bliss in a bathtub. "Yeah, I am."

He leaned forward and kissed the juncture of my neck and shoulder, and that made me shiver, too. "I would like to make love to you, Zoe. May I?"

"God, yes."

He triggered the drain with his foot, just as he'd seen me do in the tub on the Enterprise. He lifted me out of the tub, dried us both off with fluffy towels and carried me to our bed, where he gave me the response I'd come to expect. "I am not god, Zoe. Only Data."

I laughed low in my throat, watching as he made himself ready for me. "That's so much better."

---

Notes: The field trip to Serenity V is in the original Crush and spans several chapters. Lines that Data reads are from Master & Commander, book 2: Post Captain, by Patrick O'Brian. The idea that Data needs actual downtime is stolen shamelessly from Jeffrey Lang, who wrote Immortal Coil and The Light Fantastic (why they let someone who has admitted that Data is their least-favorite character write the only Data-centric books in two different years of TNG novels is beyond me. But despite the first book being insanely stupid, there were a couple of kernels of useful bits.) Special thanks to Selena.t for reading things when I wasn't sure they were working, and to saya4haji, who asked about certain aspects of Data's sexuality programming when I first wrote them into the oneshot Cashew. At the time, I didn't have a good answer for her, but her question set thoughts in motion. Data's story about Devala Lake will be told in canon by Geordi in the season seven opening episode, "Descent, Part II." As there is no information beyond, "Data decided to go swimming," I've decided my version is as valid as anyone else's. This was originally meant to be one chapter that covered Data and Zoe's time on Terlina III as well as Maddox's wedding and dropping Zoe at university, but they had a lot to discuss. Chapter Fifteen will be "Transition, "Part II." (Revised 28 September 2019)